


So It Goes

by raiseyourpinky



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Claire Novak's Parents, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Neighbors, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Roommates, Castiel is a Dad, Castiel/Amelia not explicit, Dean and Castiel dual POV, Dean is a dad, Dean/Lisa not explicit, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Important Character Death (not Dean Sam or Castiel), M/M, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Mutual Pining, No cheating between Dean and Castiel, Openly Bisexual Dean Winchester, Pansexual Castiel (Supernatural), Slow Burn, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Writer Castiel (Supernatural), shameless flirting, the slowest of burns, they go to therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:00:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 236,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27169684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raiseyourpinky/pseuds/raiseyourpinky
Summary: Dean Winchester has finally bought his white picket fence dream house for his girlfriend Lisa and their son Ben. On top of living in the perfect neighborhood, they now have the best neighbors, the Novaks.Castiel and Amelia Novak are awaiting their first baby, Claire. They’re in love and are not afraid to show it. When their new neighbors move in next door, they become practically family.It feels as though nothing could ruin the ultimate domestic bliss Dean and Castiel have achieved.Until it all goes to hell.Then the two of them will be the only ones left to pick up all of the broken pieces and keep each other moving forward.Dean and Castiel soon realize that the only thing stronger than tragedy and pain is the love that they have for each other.
Relationships: Castiel/Amelia Novak, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury/Original Female Character(s), Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester
Comments: 100
Kudos: 302
Collections: My ultra favourite supernatural fics, The Destiel Fan Survey Favs Collection





	1. Part 1: Friendship

**Author's Note:**

> ***The relationships between Dean/Lisa and Castiel/Amelia are not explicit in the slightest.***
> 
> I actually wrote a novel-length story during quarantine and it nearly destroyed me.
> 
> This story started from a very small idea months ago. I never expected it to become this important to me. I’ve written my fair share of Dean/Castiel fanfictions because they are the most excellent pairing to ever exist. I’ve always loved the “friends to lovers” trope, but I’ve never written it like this. One of my favorite things is finding new ways to make Dean and Castiel fall in love.
> 
> This is a love story between Dean and Castiel obviously, but don’t expect any cheating to happen between them. This isn’t that kind of story. I wanted the basis of this story to be the love between them that changes slowly from friendship to something deeply romantic when circumstances change. I wanted the growing love between them to be the sole focus of this story.
> 
> I worked on this mostly every single day since March when the world went to hell. Fortunately, I had a lot of help from awesome people. I had three wonderful betas for this enormous fic. I want to thank all three of them so much, but especially [audikatia](https://audikatia.tumblr.com), who offered up her many skills to polish this story into what it is today. I couldn’t have done it without her. Thank you for putting so much effort into making this story so much better than how it started, and for listening to my nonsensical rambles whenever I was stuck. You were the person I needed to make this work. And, of course, thank you to [superduckbatrebel](https://superduckbatrebel.tumblr.com) and [reading-ladyy](https://reading-ladyy.tumblr.com) for reading this monster of a fic and cheering me on. Both of your enthusiasm always motivated me to keep writing. I also need to thank my sweet [gii-heylittleangel](https://gii-heylittleangel.tumblr.com) for listening to me every time I went to her about my progress and cheering me on. She was also there for me every time I was ready to give up on this story, ready to pull me back up. Lastly, my best friend Nicole also helped out so I want to thank her along with everyone else.
> 
> As you can see, it took an army to get this fic out in the world. I’m forever grateful to everyone who was involved. I hope you guys enjoy this story that completely took over my life for months. It's probably my favorite thing that I've ever written. I will always hold it close to my heart.
> 
> Art displayed in the fic for parts 1, 2, 3, and 5 were done by [me](https://raiseyourpinky.tumblr.com). The gorgeous one on part 4 was done by the amazing [audikatia](https://audikatia.tumblr.com), available on [Tumblr](https://audikatia.tumblr.com/post/635263151096709120/latest-commission-for-raiseyourpinky-s). The beautiful one on part 6 was done by the talented [gabester-sketch](https://gabester-sketch.tumblr.com), and I am obsessed with it, also available on [Tumblr](https://gabester-sketch.tumblr.com/post/632894917894701056/really-cute-family-commission-from-a-little-while). The Impala chapter divider was done by [writeyourmindaway](https://writeyourmindaway.tumblr.com/tagged/supernatural-dividers). Here's the [art masterpost](https://raiseyourpinky.tumblr.com/post/636724459631509504/art-masterpost-for-my-fic-so-it-goes-i-wouldnt).

**__ **

_“When a Tralfamadorian sees a corpse, all he thinks is that the dead person is in bad condition in that particular moment, but that same person is just fine in plenty of other moments. Now, when I myself hear that somebody is dead, I simply shrug and say what the Tralfamadorians say about dead people, which is ‘So it goes.’”_

**-** Kurt Vonnegut **,** **_Slaughterhouse-Five_ **

**Dean**

Dean had bought his dream house.

The brown, one-story house with a small pebbled pathway and a white picket fence was his. At thirty-one, Dean was finally a homeowner. But this wasn’t just his house. It was his family’s house. Their new home. 

Lisa, his girlfriend, was telling the movers where to set down their stuff as they carried them inside. Despite the lengthy drive to Oklahoma City from Wilburton, Lisa looked breathtakingly beautiful in her yoga pants, tank top, and blue flannel shirt. Her dark hair was up on a ponytail and her tan skin was glowing. When she caught him staring, she shot him a wide grin and Dean melted inside.

While Lisa took care of business, Dean was keeping Ben entertained. And he’d run out of games to play in the front yard while they waited for the movers to be done inside. They’d already played tag and rock-paper-scissors dozens of times. Ben might only be five, but he still required a high level of entertainment, which Dean was clearly not providing at the moment.

“Can I have a lollipop?” Ben asked.

Luckily, Dean did have a few lollipops in his pocket. He took one out—a red one—and handed it over to the little guy. 

“Here you go, kiddo,” Dean said, messing up Ben’s black hair.

Ben threw him a smile and he looked just like his mother. Sometimes, Dean was sure Ben looked a little bit like him, too. 

Dean couldn’t believe that his little family had a house of their own.

“Dad!” Ben yelled enthusiastically. “Look, a dog!” He was pointing to his right, where a huge golden retriever had just been let outside to the next door neighbor’s front lawn.

Dean covered the top of his eyes with his hand as he looked closer. The dog wasn’t alone. A man and woman were standing on the porch, and it took him a moment to realize they were waving at him. Dean waved back, and the couple made their way towards Dean’s front lawn.

Since Dean had lost his breath after their last game of tag and had been lounging on the grass with Ben—which yeah, that was a bit embarrassing—Dean stood up, wiping the dirt off of his pants. Then he offered Ben his hand and hoisted him up.

The couple made their way to the small gate on their fence, and Dean unlatched it to let them in. 

Now that they were closer, Dean took them in. The woman was much shorter than the man with long, blonde hair and pink cheeks. Both of her hands were on the small bulge on her belly, so Dean assumed she was pregnant, but made a mental note not to bring it up in case he was wrong. That would make for a terrible first impression on their new neighbors. The man stood tall and confident, with the bluest eyes Dean had ever seen, and day-old stubble. His hair was dark and messy, like he couldn’t keep himself from pulling on it. Dean did a double take when he saw him because he had one of those moments when you look at someone who is so attractive you think you’ve seen them on television or something, but then realize that no, they’re just really attractive.

They looked like a nice couple, and their dog had good manners since it was just standing calmly beside them.

“Hey, neighbor,” the woman said in a smooth voice, offering her hand for Dean to shake. Once he did, she introduced herself as Amelia Novak. “And this is my husband, Castiel Novak.”

Dean shook Castiel’s hand next, and he immediately liked the way his nose crinkled when he smiled. “It’s nice to meet you guys. I’m Dean Winchester, and this is my son, Ben. Say hi, Ben.”

Ben pulled the lollipop out of his mouth and said, “Hi. Can I pet your dog?”

“Of course you can,” Castiel said, bending his knees so he was at Ben’s eye level. “Her name is Dandelion because those are our favorite flowers. We call her Dandy for short. How old are you, Ben?”

Ben lifted the hand that he was using to pet the dog, fingers wide. “I’m five! Dad says I can get a dog now that we have a house. I want a big dog like this one.”

Castiel laughed, looking up at Dean. “Sounds like you’ll have a full load.”

Dean sighed. “You have no idea—hang on, sorry.” Dean looked over his shoulder, locating Lisa by the front porch. “Lisa! Hey, hon, can you come over here?”

Lisa said something to one of the movers and then went over to Dean. “Hi there, you must be our new neighbors.” She shook both of their hands.

Amelia nodded. “That’s right. I’m Amelia.”

“Castiel.” 

“I’m Lisa. It’s so nice to meet another family so soon. This looks like such a lovely neighborhood.”

“Oh, it’s the best,” Amelia said. “I hope you get to meet everyone. Our neighbors are great, even the Masters who don’t particularly like children. I’m sure they’ll make an exception for our first one.” She laughed, motioning to her belly.

Castiel shook his head. “I really doubt it. Crowley and Meg can’t stand children. I have this theory that they’re secretly and collectively the witch from Hansel and Gretel.”

Amelia gave her husband a look. “Castiel, dear, don’t scare our new neighbors. We’re trying to make them feel welcome.”

Castiel smiled. “Welcome.”

The guy was weird. Dean was starting to like him.

“Well, I don’t know about you, Lis, but I feel welcomed,” Dean said.

“Oh yeah.” Lisa nodded in agreement. “Congrats on the upcoming baby. When are you due?”

“Thank you,” Amelia said. “She’s due in about six months. We just learned she’s a girl two days ago.”

Castiel laughed. “We had originally planned for it to be a surprise until the day she was born, but my wife changed her mind during her last appointment. We’re both very excited.”

Castiel wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple, which was such a soft gesture that made Dean a little uncomfortable. Dean didn’t come from a highly affectionate family. His father, John, had never been very touchy feely with Dean and his younger brother, Sam. Dean and Lisa rarely ever kissed in public. They were just not that type of couple.

“Kids are great,” Lisa said.

At that moment, Ben was about to feed Dandy some of his lollipop, so Dean pulled him into his arms. “Ben, dogs don’t eat candy.”

“Why not?” Ben asked. “It tastes good.”

“It makes them sick, honey,” Amelia said. “But that’s really sweet of you. Dandy seems to really like you.” She looked from Lisa to Dean. “We weren’t sure when you were moving in, so we didn’t have anything prepared. But we’d like to invite you to our house for dinner sometime next week. Whenever it’s convenient for you guys.”

Dean glanced at Lisa. They shared a smile. It was nice having friendly neighbors for once. Back in the apartment they’d been living in since Ben was born, they’d had the rowdiest, most unapologetic neighbors ever. Dean had wasted his breath trying to get them to quiet down at night when they were trying to put Ben to bed. This was why a house was so much better in so many ways. And, somehow, this felt like a good sign.

“We’d love to come over soon,” Lisa said.

“We really would,” Dean agreed.

After getting everything off the truck and into their house, they had a lot of unpacking to do. Since this was no longer a one-man job, they left Ben with his Lego set while they started with the kitchen items, since those would be needed in the morning.

As they unpacked their dishes, Dean sang along to Led Zeppelin’s greatest hits, which were playing from his phone on the kitchen island. They had an actual _kitchen island_.

“God, I love this house,” Dean said, unwrapping another big ceramic plate.

“Me too,” Lisa said, washing the dishes as Dean handed them. “I think we made the right choice with this house. At first I thought it was too small. Three bedrooms and one and a half bathroom wasn’t my first choice, but it’s kind of cute.”

To Dean, this house was like a castle. Growing up, he’d never had a stable home. He’d lived in about a thousand motel rooms and a hundred apartments, none of which he could call home because right when he was getting used to the place, it was time to move again. This was the first place where Dean felt like he had his feet firmly on the ground, where he could grow his roots.

Speaking of, Dean said, “We should grow a garden.”

Lisa raised an eyebrow. “A garden?” 

“Yeah, a garden. Plant some roses, sunflowers, lilies, tulips. We could also grow vegetables. The soil looks good.”

“Dean, we don’t know the first thing about gardening. Besides, that takes time. We’ll both be busy with work and Ben. I don’t see how that would work.”

But Dean wasn’t deterred from his gardening dreams. “I think we can do it. Next week, I’ll go pick up some seeds and tools. I’ll grow us a garden.”

Lisa looked over her shoulder and there was a smile in her eyes. “Alright, grow the garden. Make sure you get one of those sun hats like my grandma always wore. You’ll look just like her.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “You can mock me now, but wait and see. Maybe I’ll be better at gardening than your grandma.”

Lisa threw her head back in laughter. “Yeah, right.”

Dean snorted. “Shut up.”

The next morning, Dean cooked breakfast while Lisa got ready for work. She managed to get a job at a local yoga studio as an instructor. Dean got a job as a mechanic at Bobby’s garage. It was one of the reasons Dean was so sure about the move. Being in Wilburton had kept him away from Sam and Bobby. Now, they were all a short drive from each other.

Lisa strode out of the bedroom in her yoga clothes, attempting to tie up her hair and fill up her backpack with her wallet and phone at the same time.

“Hey, eggs are done,” Dean said. “Just waiting on the bacon to finish frying.”

Lisa shook her head. “I have to skip breakfast today. I’m running late. I told Joey I’d get there by 7:30 and it’s already 7:23.”

Dean frowned, disappointed. “But I made so much food.”

Lisa made a face at the food cooling on the kitchen island. “Remember to get Ben to read one book this morning. I unpacked a few last night and left them on his nightstand. Gotta get him ready for first grade.”

“It’s summer. He deserves to rest from all that school shit. Kindergarten was tough on the kid.” Ben would be six in July, and then he would start first grade. It felt like it was yesterday when Ben took his first steps. Or when he said his first word: dad!

Lisa gave him a look. “It’s not shit.” She leaned in to kiss him. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, okay.”

And with a deep sigh, Lisa left.

Dean focused on finishing up the bacon and then served himself a plate. He didn’t like eating alone, but he knew Ben wouldn’t be up for a couple of hours. The move had been hard on him. This was his very first move—ever. Dean just hoped he’d get adjusted quickly. He wanted Ben to have the stability that Dean and Sam never had growing up.

After breakfast, Dean tried unpacking a few more boxes, but he gave that up quickly when he decided to check out the backyard. Yesterday, none of them had wandered back there because they’d had a lot to do inside. Dean stepped outside and was greeted by a small cemented square that turned into long uncut grass, and he could envision his garden. 

It would look perfect, once he mowed the lawn and swept the leaves off the cement. Dean would make sure to designate an area for the garden and leave a wider space for a small swing set for Ben. He loved swinging at the park. Dean couldn’t wait to see Ben playing in their backyard. He would teach him to play football, and soccer, and baseball, and basketball. They could get nets and hoops and cleats. 

One step at a time.

The sliding glass door was opened behind him, and Dean turned to find Ben standing there barefoot and holding his stuffed dog. Ever since Dean won him that stuffed dog at a carnival a year ago, Ben hadn’t slept without it. He called it Doug the Dog, and he would often pet and talk to him like it was a real dog. This was why Dean was so set on getting Ben a real dog to play with. The only problem was that Lisa hated pets. All pets, even fish. She didn’t want anything leaving a mess behind that wasn’t human. But Dean would try to get her to agree to the dog somehow. He was known to be highly persuasive.

“Hey, kiddo,” Dean said, leading Ben back inside. “You hungry? I made breakfast.”

Ben nodded. “I want eggs.”

“Awesome. I’ll get you a plate. Sit down.”

While Ben ate breakfast, Dean continued unpacking the kitchen boxes. Ben was going on about the latest _PAW Patrol_ episode since that was, of course, his favorite TV show. Dean listened and asked for more details, making sure most of his attention was on Ben as he worked. Ben was a perceptive kid and he could tell when Dean wasn’t really paying attention. 

“And then what happened?” Dean asked for the hundredth time.

But Ben was cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing. Dean was a bit startled by the sound. Back in their apartment, their doorbell had always been broken, so their few guests would simply knock. But their new doorbell was damned fancy.

Dean opened the door, surprised to find none other than Castiel, his new neighbor. 

“Hey, there,” Dean said, leaning on the doorframe.

Castiel smiled. One of those nose crinkling smiles. “Good morning. I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time.”

“Nah, I’ve been up for a while. A dad never gets to sleep in, even on a Saturday.”

“I’m looking forward to that. Actually, I came over to see if you two were interested in coming with me to walk Dandy. I usually walk her around this time every morning. Since Ben was so fond of her, I thought the two of you might enjoy that.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. That was thoughtful of the guy. He didn’t doubt that Ben would be very interested in the offer. Dean knew he had a lot to do at home, but a short walk around the neighborhood shouldn’t put him that behind on his work. 

Dean shrugged. “Yeah, sure, let’s do it.”

Castiel smiled again. “Fantastic. I’ll get Dandy ready and meet you guys outside in five minutes.”

“Cool. I’ll go tell Ben.” Dean found Ben on the floor, trying to tie his shoelaces. He was already dressed and ready to go. “You heard that, didn’t you?”

Ben looked up with a big, warm smile. “Yeah, I’m so excited.” Then he raised one of his feet. “Can you help me, Dad?”

Dean sighed, kneeling down beside him. “Let me teach you how to do it again, alright? I’m sure you’ll get it soon.” Dean went over the mechanics of tying shoelaces, going with the bunny ears method because it seemed like the simpler version. As a kid, Dean had taught himself how to tie his shoelaces because John Winchester didn’t have time to teach him basic things like that. And, once Dean learned, he taught Sam.

Ben watched closely and mouthed back Dean’s instructions. He nodded to himself. “I think I get it now. Can I try?”

“Knock yourself out.”

Ben tried to tie his other shoe, his tongue sticking out in concentration. It took three tries before he got it. The look of pure amazement was clear on his face as he glanced up at Dean. “Did you see that? Dad, did you see that? I did it! I did it!”

Dean beamed, feeling so damned proud of his son. He gave him a big high five and then scooped him into his arms. “I knew you could do it, kiddo. You’re the smartest kid in the world.”

Ben laughed. “Dad, you’re squishing me.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Dean pulled away. “Let’s go outside. We got a dog to walk.”

  
  
  


**Castiel**

Castiel went back home from the new neighbor’s house with a smile on his face. Ever since Castiel, Amelia, and Dandy had moved into their home a year prior, they hadn’t had a neighbor in the house to their left. The owners had been an older couple whose children refused to sell their childhood home, but they must have finally been able to convince them. 

At first, Castiel was a little wary of who would move in right next door. He’d always feared rowdy neighbors. So far, all of his neighbors had been perfectly pleasant. When he saw that it was a small family who was moving in, Castiel knew right away that they would have no trouble. Meeting them only reassured him of that. Amelia agreed with the sentiment.

Dean was kind, Castiel could see it in his eyes. His smile was earnest. Ben was adorable, and Dandy had taken a liking to him right away. Lisa was a little harder to read, but he was looking forward to getting to know her better. 

Amelia was painting on the back porch, the glass door open to let Dandy in and out while she worked. 

Castiel went over to her, admiring the painting on the easel that was only just a background full of orange, yellow, and red hues. “Hey, Ames, what are you working on today?”

Amelia looked over at him. She had a bit of a yellow splotch of paint on her chin. “I’m not sure yet. We’ll see what this turns into.”

Castiel wiped the paint off her chin with his thumb. “Is the chin painting a new technique?”

“Maybe it is,” Amelia said, smirking. 

Castiel laughed and kissed her temple. “I’m taking Dandy for a walk. I invited Dean and Ben. Do you want to join us?”

Amelia shook her head. “No, dear, I’m a bit hooked on this painting right now. Have fun. Be nice to our new neighbors.”

“I’m always nice.”

“Well, don’t bore them by talking about all your favorite horror movies.”

“Who doesn’t love horror movies?” But honestly, he did have a tendency to ramble about them. Horror was kind of his thing.

“Just let them ease into you.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I’ll be back shortly. Text me if you need anything.”

“You know I always do.”

Castiel smiled. Amelia already had the strangest cravings. Last night, she’d had Castiel fetch her a pickle dipped in chocolate fudge.

After getting the harness and leash on Dandy, Castiel brought her out to the sidewalk. Dandy loved going for walks, but Castiel would have to make them either earlier in the day or later in the evening because the days were getting hotter now that it was summer. He didn’t want her paws to burn. 

Dean and Ben walked out of their house, Ben tugging hard on Dean’s hand as he pulled him closer to Dandy. Dean unlatched his fence and closed it behind him as Ben stood in front of Dandy, petting her head. 

“Hey, Cas,” Dean said. And then stopped himself. “Sorry, I should have asked. Is it okay if I call you Cas?”

“Cas is fine with me.” Truthfully, not very many people called him anything other than Castiel. Not even Amelia, unless she called him _dear_. But Castiel liked Dean and he didn’t mind the nickname. 

“Can I hold the leash?” Ben asked, looking up at him with a sparkle in his eyes. “Please?”

Castiel couldn’t resist. “Of course you can, young man.” He handed over Dandy’s leash and Ben jumped up and down, excitedly. 

“Are you sure she won’t just run off with my son?” Dean asked, furrowing his brow.

Castiel smiled. “No, Dandy is very well behaved. She doesn’t run off. Ben will be alright. Besides, we’re both here if anything happens.”

They started walking down the sidewalk, stopping every time Dandy wanted to pee or smell something interesting. 

“So, what do you do for a living?” Castiel asked, breaking the silence between them.

Dean looked back at him, blinking. Dean had a nice set of freckles on his face, which was clearer in direct sunlight. His eyes were a deep green that were inviting. There was no denying that he was good looking, with symmetrical features and incredible dirty blond hair. But he didn’t appear to be a cocky man. He seemed humble, and maybe a little bit shy. 

Dean was a wonder and Castiel wanted to learn more about him.

“I’m a mechanic,” Dean finally said. “I’m starting work on Monday at a garage owned by an old family friend. It’s one of the reasons we moved here. I knew I’d be able to get a job, and I get to live closer to my younger brother.”

“You have a brother?” 

Dean’s face lit up at the mention of him. “Yeah, his name is Sammy. Well, Sam. He recently got married. He’s been living in Oklahoma City for the past three years or so. He’s a divorce attorney.”

“Oh, that sounds like a nightmare.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it is. But Sammy likes it. He’s real smart.”

“Dad,” Ben said urgently, making Dean and Castiel both turn to him. “Dandy just pooped!” He covered up his nose and looked away from the damage. 

Castiel pulled out the roll of plastic bags from his pocket. “No worries. I’ll take care of it.” Castiel picked it up before they kept walking. “There’s a park two blocks down. That’s where I usually take Dandy. Would you guys like to go?”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Ben said.

“Lead the way,” Dean said, smiling. 

Once they reached the park, Castiel dumped the bag into a trashcan, and then they continued walking on the trail. There were children playing at the playground and Ben looked over, immediately interested.

“Ben, do you want to take a break from walking Dandy to go and play?” Castiel asked. 

Ben looked over at Dean. “Can I go?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, buddy, go crazy. Except, don’t really go crazy. Make sure you keep your shoes on and that your shoelaces don’t untie because remember last time you tripped on one of them.” 

“Okay, bye!” Ben handed over the leash to Castiel and set off running for the playground.

Dean and Castiel found a green bench and sat down next to each other with Dandy sitting off to the side, watching the kids play. Castiel ran a hand over Dandy’s head.

“What about you?” Dean asked, continuing their earlier conversation. “What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a writer,” Castiel said. “I write fiction.”

“Whoa, really? What genre?”

Castiel smiled, hearing Amelia’s voice in his head telling him to let their new neighbors ease into him. But Dean had asked. “Comedy horror.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “You mean, like, evil clowns and stuff?”

Castiel chuckled. “I’m not exactly Stephen King. No, I mostly write about your typical monsters: zombies, vampires, and werewolves so far. I’m trying to come up with something different now, but I still haven’t found my great idea.”

“Wow, you’re like a real writer.”

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“I like horror myself. But I don’t think I’ve read a lot of _comedy_ horror books. How does that work? Do you just add in a bunch of monster jokes?”

Castiel met Dean’s gaze. “Not exactly. I see it more as writing horror stories that don’t take themselves too seriously. The comedy comes naturally after that.”

“Heh. That sounds kinda cool. It’s like those bad movies that are so bad they’re good. They never take themselves seriously, and that’s why they’re awesome.”

Castiel grinned. “You like bad movies, too? They’re my favorite. I tend to go out of my way to find them.”

Dean widened his eyes. “Tell me you’ve seen _The Room_.”

Castiel nodded. “Classic. Yes.”

“ _Birdemic_?”

“Love that one. Of course.”

Dean smiled from ear to ear. He had a great smile. “Okay, if you tell me you’ve seen _Fateful Findings_ , I’m gonna lose my shit.”

“Well, you might want to track down your shit because yes, I’ve seen that Neil Breen masterpiece.”

“Dude, you’re fucking awesome. You have _terrible_ taste.”

“So do you.”

“What are your books called?”

“ _Got Brains?_ , _Bloody Dentures_ , and _Mooning You_.”

Dean burst into laughter. “I love them all.” He pulled out his phone, typing something up. “There. Already ordered them. I need someone new to read, especially someone who’s a fan of the best bad movies ever made.”

Castiel gaped at him. “Dean, you didn’t have to do that. I have extra copies. I could have given them to you.”

Dean waved a hand like it wasn’t a big deal. “I’m supporting your career.”

“Well, thank you,” Castiel said, touched by Dean’s kindness.

“It was nice of you to invite us to the park today. Seriously. My son is happy, and so am I.”

Castiel thought it was kind of wonderful how something as simple as accompanying Dean and Ben to the park with his big dog was making Dean happy. He was starting to understand Dean as a person, and it was quite lovely.

“Of course,” Castiel said. “It’s my pleasure.”

Dean looked back at the playground where Ben was swinging. “I need to get that kid a swing set for the backyard. I haven’t even looked them up yet ‘cause I’m sure they’re expensive as fuck.”

“You should look for them on Craigslist,” Castiel offered. 

Dean looked at him as though he had lost his mind. “Do you want me to get murdered and dumped in a ditch?”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Of course not. Craigslist is not as scary as you think. I’ve purchased stuff from there plenty of times before. I could even go with you for backup. I know self-defense, I lift weights, and I have a truck to carry it.”

Dean didn’t look as wary this time. He seemed to be considering Castiel’s offer. “You know what? I’ll look them up tonight and if I find something good, I’ll let you know. But if we both end up murdered and dumped in a ditch, I’m blaming it all on you.”

Castiel nodded. “Fair enough.”

Dean nudged Castiel on the side. “Tell me more about your wife. You two looked inseparable.”

Castiel beamed, just like he always did whenever Amelia was mentioned. “Amelia paints the most beautiful things. She likes painting people and animals the most, but she also paints sceneries, junk yards, and other random things that inspire her. She’s currently working on a piece as we speak.”

“That’s awesome. Does she sell them?”

“Yeah, she has a few local buyers. Some have sold overseas. And, sometimes, she just hangs them up on our walls. She wants to paint a mural in our daughter’s bedroom. It’s her new big project. She’s a perfectionist, so I’m sure it won’t be done for months. I love seeing her paint. She can go on for hours without stopping. Just like me when I write. I think that’s a big reason why we hit it off so well from the start. We’re similar in many ways.”

“That’s really cool,” Dean said. “I’d love to check out her paintings.”

“When you guys come over for dinner, I’ll let her know to give you a tour.”

“Sounds good. I’m looking forward to that. So, how long have you been married?”

“A little over a year,” Castiel said. “Amelia and I moved into our house right after getting married. We didn’t wait long to start trying for a baby. We’ve both been eager to be parents for a while. We dated for three years before we got married, but we picked out baby names within months of dating.”

Dean laughed. “Oh no, you’re one of those couples.”

“Hey, don’t be rude. We’re a perfectly normal couple. We’re naming her Claire. Claire Amelia Novak.”

Dean smiled. “That’s a good name. I take back what I said.”

“Why’d you choose the name Ben?” Castiel asked. 

For the first time since they’d met, Dean looked incredibly uncomfortable. Castiel wasn’t sure what he’d said that had ruined their easy banter, but he wished he could take it back. He was surprised when Dean pulled himself together a few seconds later and started talking again. 

“Benjamin West is the name of Ben’s biological dad,” Dean said, in a quiet and defeated voice that rattled Castiel. The pain was so clear on his face, destroying what had been such a nice, calm expression. 

“I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean to pry into something so personal.”

Dean shook his head. “No, it’s alright. It’s not really a secret. Lisa has told Ben before that he has _another_ dad, as she puts it. She insisted we named him Ben, even though the asshole disappeared as soon as he found out he was having a kid. He didn’t want anything to do with him. I stepped up. I’ve always loved Lisa. We were high school sweethearts. We’d been apart for a while when she called me wanting to start things up again. She told me she was pregnant and I told her I’d be there for her and for her son. Even though I see Ben as my own, the truth of the matter is, my name isn’t on his birth certificate.”

Castiel couldn’t imagine how difficult this must be on Dean. Judging by the way Dean slumped his shoulders as he looked at Ben still swinging, Castiel could see how much the situation upset him. But Castiel had never been in his place. He didn’t know how awful that must feel. Being a father wasn’t a privilege he had just yet. 

“I can see how much you love him. And I can tell you that he loves you just as strongly. That man might be his father on paper, but you’re his father in person, where it really counts. You’re the one bringing him to the park and wanting to risk your life to buy him a swing set. You’re a great father, Dean. That’s what matters.”

Dean peeled his eyes away from Ben to look back at him, and he smiled softly. “You’re pretty cool, you know that, Cas?”

“So are you,” Castiel said. And he absolutely meant it. 

**Dean**

When Dean had accepted to go for a walk with Castiel and Dandy, he hadn’t imagined that he and Castiel would hit it off so well. The guy was funny and easy to talk to. Plus, he liked bad movies as much as Dean, and he even wrote books, which Dean had impulsively purchased because of how much he enjoyed the guy’s company. Dean just got a good feeling about Castiel from the get-go. Dean didn’t have any friends, not really. Sam was his friend, but he was also his brother. Dean had always had trouble making friends, especially now that he was a dad. All his time was spent looking over Ben and Lisa. Dean had never made any time to make friends. But Castiel lived right next door and being his friend seemed like a possibility.

They were still sitting on the park bench, watching Ben on the playground. Dean had never felt so at peace before with someone he’d known for less than a day.

“If your invitation still stands, I was thinking maybe Lisa, Ben, and I could come over for dinner this Friday,” Dean said. “I think we’ll have everything unpacked by then.”

Castiel smiled. “That sounds perfect. I’ll let Amelia know. She’ll be glad to have you guys over.”

“I feel like we hit the lottery in the neighbor category with you guys.”

Castiel laughed. “That’s nice of you to say. Amelia was worried I would scare you off by being myself. You should know I held back my deep love of horror movies due to her advice.”

“Don’t hold back on my account. I love horror movies, too. You’re talking, like, _The Exorcist_ and _The Shining_ and shit, right?”

Castiel’s eyes lit up like he himself had just won the real lottery. “Yes, _absolutely_. When people talk about horror movies, they usually refer to the poorly made, gory-filled nonsense that gets put out nowadays. I only watch them for the sake of watching new horror content. I’m a big fan of the classic horror films. Amelia thinks that’s highly pretentious of me, but I can’t help what I love. I grew up watching them. They’ve been the best escape from reality time and time again. Well, that and books.”

Dean didn’t think that was pretentious at all. He liked his own share of classics, like rock and cars and shit. “There’s nothing wrong with liking what you like.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Time seemed to fly. When Dean checked his watch, it was already 12:05 pm and he had to figure out lunch. Dean went to grab Ben and let him know it was time to go. Ben was not into the idea, but Dean was able to bribe him, telling him he’d get to walk Dandy all the way home. Ben agreed to that and went happily.

As they walked home, Dean and Castiel talked about their plans for the summer. Apparently, Castiel had just gotten a huge above ground pool and was looking forward to swimming with Amelia, even though, apparently, Amelia didn’t really like swimming. He extended the invitation to Dean and his family to use his pool whenever they’d like. Dean was excited about that because he’d always liked swimming, but growing up without a permanent home meant settling for the water spray from sprinklers. Meanwhile, Dean had just planned to make time to teach Ben to play sports. Now that they finally had a backyard, they would be able to play a lot of games. He also shared his idea of growing a garden.

“A garden?” Castiel mused. “That sounds nice. I’ve never been good with plants. I’ve killed five mint plants. After the fifth one, I just felt like it was abuse to keep trying.”

“To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure I’ll be any good at it, but I wanna try. It’ll keep me busy, at least.”

“It sounds like Ben keeps you busy enough as it is.”

Yeah, that was true. But having Ben was great. Dean never minded taking care of him. In fact, he was dreading starting work on Monday because Ben would have to go to daycare. “Well, this will be my own hobby. I’ve never had one of those. But since I now have my white picket-fence life, I think I can afford a hobby. Don’t you?”

“Of course,” Castiel said. “I used to call writing a hobby until I started getting paid for it. Then I felt like I needed to find a different hobby, but I’m not as artistic as my wife. So now the only thing I have to unwind from writing is watching movies—and reading. The thing is, I tend to mostly watch and read horror. My life is full of horror, Dean. I’ve even had these recurring dreams where Amelia and I are both vampires.”

“Whoa, that sounds wild. Did you watch _Twilight_ before bed?”

“I’m offended.” Castiel gasped. “I only like realistic vampires.”

“What the hell does that mean? Vampires aren’t real. How can they be realistic?”

“You know what I mean. The ones with the big fangs, and mind control, and they’re actually terrifying to look at instead of playing these gorgeous love interests. You’ll see when you eventually read _Bloody Dentures_.”

Dean wasn’t sure what to expect from a book with that title, but he was definitely looking forward to finding out. “You know what I watch to unwind?” Dean leaned closer so as to not be overheard. Not that there was anyone else besides Ben and Dandy around. “ _Dr. Sexy, M.D._ ”

Castiel furrowed his brow. “What is that?”

“It’s a medical drama. Totally nuts. Basically a soap opera. It’s exactly the type of mindless television I need after a long day of work. But then I got really invested and now I watch religiously. It’s just too good.”

“Really? I think I’ll check it out. I’ve never been interested in medical dramas, but if you think it’s that good, I’ll give it a shot.”

Dean clapped Castiel’s shoulder. “Do it, Cas. Do it, and you’ll never look back.”

After their walk, Dean and Ben said goodbye to Castiel and Dandy with a, “See you later!” and a high five to Castiel from Ben.

As soon as they got home, Dean made ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch, and they sat on the couch to eat them, sipping on Capri-Suns. Afterwards, Dean handed Ben the book Lisa had left out for him to read. Ben, the good kid that he was, didn’t protest or try to get out of his reading time. He simply took the book and started reading it. 

Dean kissed the top of Ben’s head before he continued unpacking. There was a lot to do, but Dean wanted to have most of it done by the time Lisa got home. He wanted to surprise her after a long day of work.

By 6:03 pm, Dean had managed to unpack the kitchen, the living room, and their bedroom. He still had to finish up Ben’s bedroom and the bathroom, but he was happy with his progress. 

Dean was finishing up dinner when Lisa walked through the front door, looking like she could barely move her feet.

“Hey, hon,” Dean said. “Everything okay?”

Lisa groaned, slipping out of her shoes and dropping her backpack on the couch. She glanced around, taking in the tidy room that was starting to look like a home. The couches were up against the walls, their coffee table had a couple of classic car books on top, their television was displayed on their entertainment center, which was decorated with a few ceramic angels. They were there because they always reminded Dean of his mom, who’d loved and prayed to angels all her life. The dining table had a vase with blue tulips in the center, and the kitchen was smelling like spices as Dean set the chicken on a cooling rack and started on the salad. 

“You finished unpacking?” Lisa asked, a smile growing on her face. 

“Almost,” Dean said. “Our room is also done, but Ben’s still needs some work. He has a lot of toys. The bathroom needs to be organized, too. But I’ll have it all done by tomorrow. How was your first day?”

Lisa sat at the kitchen island, massaging her temples. “It was long. I had to sit in on a few classes, and then I had to teach my own classes. I barely had time to pick up lunch at the cafe across the street. Is dinner ready? I’m starving. I could eat you.”

Dean smiled and winked. “Yeah, dinner’s ready, but I’ll offer myself up to you if you really want me.”

“Great. I’ll have you for dessert.” 

That piqued Dean’s interest. They’d been going through a dry spell recently. Although, it was probably due to the fact that they had to pack up their entire lives and move. “Oh _really_?” 

Lisa stretched out her limbs and yawned. “Do you mind if I take a shower before dinner?”

“Go ahead. Ben and I will wait for you to start.”

“Did you get him to read?”

“Yep. He read for an hour.”

“Good, good.”

“He’s in our bed watching _PAW Patrol_.”

Lisa rolled her eyes. “I told you I don’t want him watching so much TV. It’s not good for him.”

“It’s his favorite show, Lis. He loves dogs. Even the weird ones that talk.”

But Lisa looked too tired to have the same argument again, so she waved a hand and got up. “I’ll be right back.” 

Dean watched her disappear down the hallway. 

  
  


**Castiel**

“Can you please repeat that for me, Ames?” Castiel asked. “I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

Beside him on the couch, Amelia looked up at him from her phone. “I want chocolate chip cookies, fried chicken skins, and honey mustard dressing, on the side. That’s what I want for dinner.”

“Do you want _me_ to peel the skin off the fried chicken?”

“I don’t think they sell it that way at KFC, so that would be great. Thank you.”

Castiel resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“The luckiest.” She set down her phone to hold his face in her hands like he was the most important thing in the world and kissed him.

Castiel grinned. “I’ll be right back then.” Castiel grabbed his keys from the little table by the door, and opened his door to reveal Dean, hand reaching for the doorbell. 

“Hey, Cas,” Dean said, smiling. 

“Hello, Dean. Come on in.” Castiel stepped aside, allowing Dean to enter. Dean looked freshly showered in a plain red t-shirt and faded jeans. His hair was still wet. 

“Hi, Amelia,” Dean said. “Shit. Did I catch you guys at a bad time?”

Amelia shook her head, smiling up at him as she put her phone back down. Dandy lifted her head from her place on the couch right beside her. “Castiel was heading out to pick up dinner, but it’s alright. Is everything okay, Dean?”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s cool. Actually, I just got off work, and I finally heard back from this guy on Craigslist about a swing set. Cas had offered up his truck to pick it up. I thought I’d come ask if he was free. But I should have called first.”

“You don’t have my phone number,” Castiel reminded him. “If you’d like to wait until I get back, I can accompany you. As backup, of course.” Dean had been so terrified of Craigslist. Castiel might have been teasing now, just a little. 

“Are you sure?” Dean asked. “I don’t wanna bother you guys.”

Castiel checked the time on his phone. “I should be ready to go in about an hour, so let’s say 6:30 pm.”

“Alright,” Dean said. “Come find me when you’re ready. I’ll be home.” Dean waved at Amelia. “Bye, Amelia. I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner.”

“Of course,” Amelia said. “I’ve been looking forward to it all week.”

“Bye, Ames,” Castiel said, heading out with Dean. Once outside, Castiel gave Dean his phone number. “I don’t know why I forgot to do this during our walk.”

Dean waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. So, I’ll see you soon?”

Castiel nodded, heading for his old red Chevy pickup on the driveway. 

Dean eyed the truck skeptically before heading back to his house. 

It was with a lot of love that Castiel peeled the skin off of a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken for his lovely, pregnant wife. Castiel ate some of the leftover skinless chicken while he watched Amelia dip the skins into the honey mustard. Why did he find everything she did so endearing? 

_Must be love_. 

Amelia hummed in bliss as she chewed, licking her thumb. “Stop looking at me. I know I’m gross.”

Castiel chuckled. “Ames, you’re beautiful. Nothing you do could ever be gross.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.”

“How about this?” Amelia dipped a chocolate chip cookie into—not the honey mustard—her big glass of iced tea. “I really like the taste of soggy cookies right now.”

“Soggy cookies aren’t so bad.”

Amelia wiped her hands clean and rubbed the small bulge on her stomach. “I’m so ready to meet her. I want to know all the things she’ll like and dislike. I want to sing to her, outside of the womb. I want to kiss her sweet little head and rock her to sleep in my arms.”

Castiel wrapped an arm around her shoulders, kissing her temple. “I want to have my two girls in my arms.”

Amelia tapped Castiel’s arm. “It’s getting late. You promised Dean you’d go with him for the swing set. Get going.”

Castiel sighed. That was true. He _had_ promised. “I’ll be home soon. Do you want me to pick anything else up for you while I’m out?”

“No, I think I’m good for now. But if anything changes—”

“You’ll let me know,” Castiel finished her sentence.

“You know it.”

With a final kiss to her temple, Castiel headed out the door. Dean was already waiting for him, leaning up against his truck. 

“I was just about to send you a text,” Dean said, waving his phone before putting it in his pocket. “You ready?”

“Am I ready to protect you from a possible serial killer posing as a swing set owner? I think so.”

“Hey, that’s low, man. Craigslist is fucking scary. Did you bring protection?”

Castiel unlocked his truck and they both climbed in. “Did I bring protection? Yeah, I brought my blade. It’s hidden in the sleeve of my jacket.”

“Seriously?” Dean asked, eyes wide. 

“ _No_ , not seriously. Who the hell do you think I am?” Castiel started the engine, checked his mirrors, and pulled out into the street. 

Dean cleared his throat. “You okay? You’re kind of grumpy today.”

Shaking his head, Castiel sighed. “I was just having a nice moment with Amelia. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. I did offer my help.”

“Dude, if you were busy you could have said no. I wouldn’t be offended. We’re friends.”

Castiel looked over at Dean, raising his eyebrows. “We’re friends?”

Dean let out a surprised laugh. “Hell yeah, we’re friends. And I’m glad. Let me tell you, I really needed a friend. When you get older, making friends just doesn’t happen as easily, you know?”

Castiel knew what Dean meant. He only had Amelia, but with a job as solitary as being a writer, Castiel rarely had occasion to make friends. And as much as he loved Amelia, who was also his best friend, Castiel had always wanted someone who was just a friend. Someone he could sit and have a beer with after a long day. Maybe Dean could be that friend.

Castiel gave Dean a warm smile. “Yeah, I know.” 

They arrived outside of what looked like a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. They were in some sketchy area in rural Oklahoma. They’d driven about an hour outside of the city. Castiel hadn’t mentioned anything about it because he didn’t want to eat his words from earlier. But maybe this had been a bad idea, after all. 

What were the chances of them encountering an actual serial killer who’d lured them in with the promise of a very cheap swing set? 

Castiel swallowed, glancing at Dean, who looked just as apprehensive as Castiel was feeling. “So, this is it?”

Dean nodded. “Apparently.”

“Did you... did you tell him we’re here?”

“Not yet.”

“Okay. So if we wanted to, we could just drive away?”

Dean’s leg was bouncing. “It’s only $20. Where else am I gonna find that good of a deal?”

Castiel took a deep breath. “Alright. Let’s go in.”

“What?” Dean asked. 

“Let’s go. Let’s get your damned swing set.”

“Are you sure?”

Castiel nodded, unbuckling his seatbelt. “Ben deserves a swing set. We’re getting him the swing set. Come on.”

With an unsure smile, Dean unbuckled his own seatbelt, and then they were practically marching up to the farmhouse that looked like it hadn’t been lived in for at least a century. And then Dean knocked on the door. 

“If we get murdered, it was all your fault,” Dean muttered.

Castiel rolled his eyes. 

The door opened and there stood a man who was almost seven feet tall, made entirely of muscles. He was entirely bald, with a bushy black beard, and he stood clad in his boxers and an old white t-shirt. Had he not been expecting them?

“Hi, I’m Dean. Are you Ron?”

The man grunted, looking from Dean to Castiel with narrowed eyes. “Who are you?”

Castiel pointed to himself. “Me? I’m Castiel. I’m Dean’s friend.”

Ron crossed his arms. Then he looked at Dean and grunted. “I thought you said you were coming alone.”

“I never said that,” Dean said. “I don’t own a truck.”

There was an awkward moment of silence where Castiel was tempted to grab Dean and run back to the truck. Before he could make up his mind, Ron spoke again. 

“Alright. Come on inside.”

Dean took a step forward, but Castiel placed a hand to Dean’s chest before he could move any further. 

“We’ll wait out here,” Castiel said.

Ron furrowed his eyebrows, wrinkles forming around his eyes. “I said come inside. Have a seat. I’ll get the swing set ready.”

“Why does the swing set need to be ready?” Castiel asked, not buying any of this man’s bullshit. “Do you need to polish it?”

“I just got some stuff to move around in the backyard so I can bring it out,” Ron said, looking like he was ready to choke Castiel if he tried arguing with him again. “I don’t let my guests wait out on my porch.”

Dean grabbed Castiel’s wrist and lowered his arm. “Let’s go inside, Cas. It’ll just take a second. Right, Ron?”

Ron grunted, keeping his glare steady on Castiel as if daring him to say something. And Castiel wanted to say something. A million red flags were going off in his head. This man was not to be trusted. Why the hell was he trying to lure them into his house? There was no telling what his real intentions were. 

“Come on,” Dean said, already walking inside. 

If Dean hadn’t done that then Castiel would have stayed on the porch, but since Dean was stupidly walking into the lion’s den, Castiel followed behind. They were greeted by a stained and ripped blue couch and red shag carpeting that probably had never been vacuumed. The inside of the house smelled old and musty, like no one had lived in here in years. 

Again, Castiel had to stop Dean before he sat on the couch, grabbing his arm tight enough to bruise. Dean widened his eyes, looking back at Castiel with a look that said, _What the hell are you doing?_

Castiel tried to return a silent look that said, _Trying to avoid you getting a tetanus shot, dumbass!_

Ron gave them a final glare before he walked away, moving down a hallway that swallowed him into darkness. 

Castiel let out a long breath, releasing his grasp on Dean. “Are you fucking crazy?” he hissed. 

“No, I’m not fucking crazy,” Dean hissed back. “I’m trying to be polite.”

Castiel kept his eyes on the hallway. It was impossible to see inside. “I think you were right. I think this man’s trying to kill us.”

Dean frowned. “What?”

“Do you seriously think this man lives here? This place looks abandoned.”

Dean seemed to consider this, looking around the room. “He’s probably just bad at spring cleaning.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “We should go. I don’t have a good feeling about this.”

“It’s $20, Cas.”

“Our lives are not worth losing over a swing set.”

Dean held Castiel’s gaze, measuring how sure he was about what he was saying. Whatever he saw must have won over his indecision because he said, “Alright. Let’s just go.”

There were no signs of Ron anywhere around the house. Castiel didn’t care about politeness. Fuck politeness. He and Dean bolted out the door. 

They were halfway to the truck when behind them came the sound of a chainsaw. 

Neither of them said a word as they ran the rest of the way, climbing into the truck. With shaky hands, Castiel started the engine and hit the gas. 

Castiel’s heart was racing, and his sweaty hands were gripping the steering wheel as he tried to remember how to breathe again. It took a few tries before his lungs were working properly again. That was when he turned to look at Dean, who looked unnaturally pale. “You okay?”

Dean nodded way too quickly for it to be the truth. “Yeah, yeah.” Silence. “Holy shit.”

“I know.” Inhale. Exhale. “I know.”

Dean let out a small chuckle. “Son of a bitch.”

Castiel started chuckling, too. 

“Dude, did we almost die?” Dean asked.

Castiel laughed harder, then. “Yeah. Yeah, I think we did.”

Dean laughed too. “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my _God_.”

They sounded insane, laughing way too maniacally after a near death encounter. But laughing was somehow the only thing making this entire situation slightly better. 

“I hate to say this, Dean, but you were right.”

“Fuck yeah, I was right.”

Castiel’s hands were still shaking when they made it home in one piece. 

**Dean**

For the first time, Dean was popular at work as he recounted his crazy Craigslist story to everyone at the breakroom. He even got a laugh out of Bobby when Dean mimicked the way he and Castiel fled back to his truck. Now that it was a brand new day, it was kind of funny. But, yesterday, it had been the most terrifying moment of Dean’s life, and Dean had had a pretty nightmarish life. 

When Dean had gotten home safe and sound, he’d run straight to Lisa’s arms, burying his face in her neck. Without knowing what was wrong, Lisa had brushed her fingers through his hair, planting soft kisses on Dean’s temple. When he’d finally recovered from the scare, he’d told her all about what had happened. 

Lisa had been kind and sweet and she’d made him a hot chocolate with mini marshmallows, which Dean loved even in the summer. It wasn’t something he ever spoke up about, but Lisa knew him well enough to know this would comfort him. Ben had already been in bed, but Dean had gone into his room just to see him there, getting some of his bearings back. That night Lisa had held Dean as they slept, and it had made things significantly better.

In the morning, Dean felt perfectly alright again so he kept his chin up and shared the tale to his new coworkers, laughing it off as a fun anecdote. 

He also sent a text to Castiel.

_Are you doing alright? Have any nightmares?_

By lunchtime, Castiel had finally replied. 

_I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cry myself to sleep. Amelia was very sweet though, so it wasn’t so bad. Are you going to say “I told you so”?_

Dean snorted. 

_I’m not that much of an ass._

Castiel answered a few minutes later. 

_Thank you. I think our friendship is starting off strong, don’t you?_

Dean rolled his eyes. 

_Oh, yeah. Just peachy._

But Dean had to agree that having a near-death experience with Castiel had brought them closer, in a very strange way. He doubted either of them would ever forget their horrible Craigslist adventure. It was slightly comforting knowing he hadn’t gone through it by himself. In a way, they were helping each other just by being able to understand exactly what the other had gone through. 

That evening, Dean made a cherry pie to bring over for dinner at the Novaks. Lisa had picked up a bottle of red wine. They never arrived at any house without gifts of some sort. 

Ben had been beaming all day, looking forward to spending more time with Dandy. He was clutching Doug the Dog in his arms, wanting Dandy to meet him. 

They rang the doorbell and Amelia greeted them at the door, welcoming them inside. 

There was a strong aroma of parsley and garlic in the air that made Dean’s mouth water. He loved a good home cooked meal, especially when he wasn’t the one that made it. 

“Thank you all so much for coming,” Amelia said, ushering them to the kitchen where Castiel was standing at the stove wearing a bright red apron, sautéing something on a skillet. “Dear, our guests are here.”

Castiel looked up, raising his eyebrows. He had been so focused on his task that he’d barely acknowledged their presence. “Hey, guys. Dinner will be ready soon. Go wait in the living room.”

Dean set down the pie on the counter. “I made a pie. You might want to put it in the fridge.”

Castiel grinned. “You can bake? A man of many talents.”

Lisa laughed. “You have no idea how great Dean is in the kitchen. He makes the best dinners. I gave up on trying to match his culinary skills long ago.”

Amelia nodded. “Tell me about it. Castiel started doing all the cooking since I got pregnant. He promised me I wouldn’t have to do a single thing during my pregnancy and, so far, it’s been true.”

“Now _that’s_ a good man,” Lisa said. 

“Alright, stop gushing over Cas, you two,” Dean said. “I’m standing right here.”

“Where’s Dandy?” Ben asked.

“She’s in the backyard, darling,” Amelia said. “Let me let her in so you can play with her. Come on, you can open the door. She’ll be so happy to see you.” She took Ben by the hand with her, listening attentively to a story Ben was recounting to her about a dog he saw at the park. 

Castiel had a dopey smile on his face as he watched her leave. 

“Man, she has you whipped,” Dean said. “Are you actually drooling right now? Don’t get it on the food.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes at Dean. “I’m in love with my wife. Sue me.”

“Don’t listen to Dean,” Lisa said. “He’s just weird about the yucky love stuff.”

“I’m not weird about love,” Dean scoffed. “I love you. But in a discreet, quiet way.”

“See what I mean?” Lisa said, shaking her head. “Anyway, we’ll leave you to your cooking, Castiel.” She set down the wine next to the pie. 

They went into the living room where Ben was sitting on the floor rubbing Dandy’s belly, giggling every time she shook her hind leg. Ben looked so happy with that dog. It hurt Dean that he had never been able to get him a dog. He still hadn’t brought it up to Lisa. But he could see the smile on her face as she watched their son, so he leaned in closer on the couch. 

“How about we get him one of those?” Dean whispered. 

Lisa’s smile vanished, replaced by a stern frown. “Dean, we’ve talked about this. Pets are too much of a hassle. They need expensive food and shots and care. Both of us work long hours. It’s just not a good idea.”

Dean had heard all those excuses before. So he pushed on. “But look how happy he is.”

“I see it,” Lisa said. “Lucky for us we have kind neighbors who already have a dog. Problem solved.”

Dean sighed, defeated. 

Amelia walked over to the recliner beside the couch they were sitting on. “I hope you know Ben is always welcome here. All of you are. I think Castiel must have already told Dean that we have this new pool in the back. It’s big enough for ten people, at least. We’d love to have you all over here. Summers are hot in Oklahoma, after all.”

“That’s so thoughtful of you, Amelia,” Lisa said. “Thank you so much for opening up your house to us. You have such a lovely home, by the way.”

Lisa was right. The living room was beautiful. It was spacious, with two long gray couches filled with throw blankets, a soft white rug underneath a black coffee table, and a plasma television on the wall. There were so many paintings filling up the rest of the wall. Some of them were full of bright colors, but others were a bit darker. Dean did a quick scan of them, but there were too many to take in at once. There was a painting that stood out to him. It was clearly a portrait of Castiel, smiling as Dandy licked his cheek. It was sort of beautiful, the way Castiel was captured. It was made with love. 

The love between them was so honest, clear, and... pure. Dean wondered if others felt the same way when they saw him with Lisa. He stared at Lisa’s profile, seeing her perfect smile as she listened to Amelia talk a bit about her paintings. For the first time in a long time, Dean wondered if Lisa loved him as intently as he loved her. 

“Hon, Amelia asked us something,” Lisa said, elbowing Dean on the ribs. 

“Oh,” Dean said, blinking. He faced Amelia, pasting a wide smile on his face. “I’m so sorry, Amelia. What did you say?”

Amelia didn’t seem at all bothered by his distraction. “I was just wondering if the two of you wanted to see some more of my paintings. I keep most of them in the garage.”

Dean perked up at that. “Of course. Let’s go check them out.” He turned to Ben. “Hey, kiddo, you wanna come with us or do you wanna stay here with Dandy?”

Ben looked up at Dean like the question was dumb. “Stay with Dandy, Dad.”

“Don’t let him lick you,” Lisa said.

“Her,” Dean corrected, as they followed Amelia to the garage. 

The garage was packed with paintings, some covered up and stacked up against the wall. But Dean didn’t have eyes for the paintings when he saw the red beauty in front of him. 

She was a classic. More so than his black 1967 Chevy Impala. This one was older. A ‘57, Dean guessed. Dean stepped closer, hand itching to touch her surface. When his fingers gently touched her hood, he let out a shaky breath. This was a true masterpiece. So... so glorious. Perfection. The curves. The ridges. The red paint in mint condition. Dean could kneel in front of this beauty and kiss its rims. But he didn’t. 

“I think Dean’s going to try to steal your car,” Lisa said, suddenly beside him. 

Dean closed his mouth, which had been opened for a while now. He glanced at Amelia, who was standing on his other side. “1957 Chevrolet Bel Air, right?”

Amelia nodded, a hand to her belly. “You know your cars, Dean. She’s a beauty, isn’t she?”

Dean swallowed. Beauty didn’t feel like a strong enough word for her. No, she was a fucking miracle. “I’m actually in awe of this car.”

Amelia handed him a set of keys. “Go ahead, get in.”

Dean widened his eyes as he felt the weight of the keys in his hands. “Are... are you sure?”

“Knock yourself out.”

Dean rushed to the driver side door, unlocking it gently, despite the anticipation. The smell of leather filled his nostrils and he inhaled as much of it as he could. Before climbing in, he stuck his head in and just stared at the inside. It was even better on the inside. It was like walking into a museum or traveling through time. This car was so well kept, it was uncanny. 

When Dean finally slid into the seat, hands clutching the steering wheel, he felt a little guilty for lusting after another car that wasn’t his trusty Impala. But he thought even she would understand if she saw this wonderful car. Dean ran a hand over the dashboard. No dust. Holy fuck. Dean’s hands were shaking with excitement.

Had he walked into a dream? What universe was this? How had he stumbled into this precious car all of a sudden? 

Amelia went to stand beside the open door, one hand still on her belly. “Having fun?”

“Amelia, this car is worth selling your soul for.”

Amelia laughed. “Oh, I don’t doubt it.”

“She’s in perfect condition. How long have you had her?”

Amelia hummed, pondering. “About ten years or so. Since way before I met Castiel. I’ve always loved classic cars. I saw your Impala when you guys moved in. 1967?”

Dean nodded. “You’re so fucking awesome.”

“One time, Castiel brought up trading her in for a minivan. You know, for the baby.”

Dean gaped at her, horrified, a hand to his heart. “What a monster.”

“I know!” Amelia said. “Only time I’ve considered divorcing him.” She laughed. “No, not really. But I told him ‘fuck no.’ She’s my baby, too. I’m not getting rid of her.”

“Hell yeah, you won’t. How is she on the highway?”

“Like a dream,” Amelia said, her mind seemingly far away. 

“I bet.”

Then she glanced back at him. “I’ll let you take her out for a drive.”

Dean looked up at her, his heart getting way ahead of him. “Are you serious?”

“Of course.” Then she wagged her eyebrows. “If you let me take your Impala out for a spin, too.”

“You got a deal.” Dean extended his hand and Amelia shook it. 

“Great. Now let’s go back inside. I think I heard Castiel calling us about dinner.”

Unwillingly, Dean got out of the cherry dream and closed her door with all the care in the world. He handed the keys back to Amelia. “You are gonna make the coolest mom in the world. You know that, right?”

Amelia laughed again. “This is what I keep telling Castiel, but he just won’t believe me.”

“That’s ‘cause he’s an idiot,” Dean said. He smiled over at Lisa, who was still admiring Amelia’s art. “Guess what? I’m gonna get to drive her.”

“You better be careful with it,” Lisa said. “That thing looks too expensive for us.”

“Don’t call her a _thing_ ,” Dean said, offended. 

Lisa rolled her eyes. 

When they made it back to the living room, Ben was on the floor, cuddling both Doug the Dog and Dandy on top of the rug. They looked too cute not to capture it on camera, so Dean took out his phone and snapped a shot of it. 

“Ben, you need to wash your hands for dinner,” Lisa said. 

Ben ran a hand over Dandy. “Okay. I love you, Dandy.”

Lisa was looking at him like he needed to cool it with the dog love. How did she not find this absolutely adorable? She took Ben by the hand down the hall to the bathroom after Amelia pointed her down the right direction. 

“Your son is great with Dandy,” Amelia said. “Most kids tend to pull on her tail or slap her somewhere. Ben is very careful and kind. It says a lot about his character.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah, he’s the best kid in the world. I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

“Maybe he learned it all from his dad.”

God, Dean really liked Amelia Novak. He didn’t know how Castiel got so lucky to find such an awesome woman and get her to agree to marry him. 

For the first time, everything was perfect. Perfect house. Perfect neighbors. Perfect life. 

It felt as though nothing could ever go wrong anymore. 

They sat at a circular table. Dean sat with Lisa to his right, then Ben, then Amelia, and then Castiel, sitting to his left. They all fit really well, even though it was a small table. It felt cozy and homey. Like having Friday night dinners with the Novaks was a common occurrence. Their families were clicking on every level. Lisa and Amelia were hooked talking about an art exhibit from some local artist that apparently they both wanted to see. And then about yoga, and then about celebrity gossip. Dean stopped listening after a while because it was just too much effort to keep up. 

Beside him, Castiel sent him a knowing smile. 

They’d finished dinner and had moved on to the pie. Dean was already on his second slice. He checked the time on his phone. 

“Do you have to be somewhere else right now?” Castiel asked.

“Oh, no.” Dean shook his head. “There’s just a new episode of that show I was telling you about.”

“ _Dr. Sexy, M.D._?”

“That’s the one. It starts in, like, five minutes.”

“Let’s go watch it. Living room’s free.”

Dean looked into Castiel’s blue eyes, trying to gauge whether or not he was messing with him. “Really?”

“Yes, Dean, really. Our wives are too busy talking to each other to notice if we disappear.”

Dean wanted to correct Castiel on the fact that Lisa wasn’t his wife, but he bit his tongue and followed him into the living room. He asked Ben if he wanted to join them, but Ben was still working on his piece of pie, feeding bits of it to Dandy under the table. 

Dean and Castiel fell sloppily on the couch, letting out matching sighs. Dinner had been delicious and that pie had brought it home. It had been a really nice evening so far. And now _Dr. Sexy_ was about to make it even better.

After Castiel handed the remote to Dean so he could find the show, Dean located it with just one minute before it started. 

“Dude, your wife is a badass,” Dean said, rolling his head towards Castiel. 

Castiel looked back at him, a wide smile on his face. “Yeah, I’m well aware. Why do you think I married her?”

“She showed me her car. It’s the most beautiful car I’ve ever seen in my entire life. My Baby would hate me speaking this way behind her back, but damn.”

Castiel chuckled. “She’s pretty infatuated with that car, too. I don’t get the allure. It’s just an old car.”

Dean gasped. “You take that back.”

“You sound just like Amelia.”

Dean smiled. “Amelia told me I could drive her car if I let her drive mine. I can’t wait.”

“She said that?” Castiel asked, eyebrows raised. “She’s very protective of that car. She must really like you to make that offer. Or she must really like your car. Could be either.”

“I like her, too. I like both of you guys. I can’t believe I get to live next to the _Novaks_.”

“Don’t say it like we’re royalty. Besides, we like you guys just as much. I’m glad it was your family that moved next door.”

Dean nodded. “Me too.”

The familiar theme song started playing, and Dean had to refocus his attention back to the television. Dr. Sexy came on the screen, wearing his trademark cowboy boots as he walked down the hallway to his next surgery. 

“So, that’s Dr. Sexy,” Castiel said. “Are doctors allowed to wear cowboy boots during their shifts?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care. All I know is that he looks hot in them.”

Castiel laughed, but then his laughter slowly faded. “Wait, do you really find him attractive?”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, looking back at Castiel. “Yeah, dude. He’s eye candy. Hot as fuck.”

“Oh.” Castiel made an O with his mouth, realization hitting him at once. 

“I’m bisexual,” Dean said, just to clarify. “Don’t think I’m a closeted gay man using Lisa as my beard or whatever.”

Castiel placed a firm hand on Dean’s shoulder, holding his gaze. “Thank you for trusting me with this information, Dean. I am aware how significant coming out is for people. I’m honored.”

Dean shifted uncomfortably on the couch. It was strange receiving such a genuine form of acceptance from his newest friend. “Dude, it’s really not a big deal. But I’m glad you’re taking it so well. I would have hated it if this had weirded you out or something.”

“Of course I’m not weirded out,” Castiel said, removing his hand. “I’m not an ape.”

Dean snorted. “What a relief.”

They continued watching the show. Dean tried to explain the overdramatic situations the characters found themselves in to Castiel as the episode went on, and Castiel seemed quick to pick up on it. Truth was, the show wasn’t all that hard to follow, even in the middle of the season. And watching it with Castiel instead of alone was kind of fun. 

“I wonder how accurate this show is,” Castiel said. “Not in the medical sense. I mean, do medical workers actually hook up to that extent with each other?”

“Who cares? It’s the best type of entertainment.”

“I do like the show. It’s a refreshing change from horror.”

Dean chuckled. “Oh, hey, speaking of horror, I got your books a couple days ago. I’m gonna start them this weekend.”

Castiel looked surprised. “Well, I hope you like them. If you don’t, I won’t be disappointed. You can tell me the truth.”

“Relax, man. I’m sure I’ll love them. I’m looking forward to reading them.”

Castiel shuddered. “Sorry, my mind drifted back to yesterday. With the chainsaw. I’ve never had something like that happen to me before while shopping on Craigslist.”

“Don’t remind me. That shit was traumatic. And I still don’t have a swing set for Ben. I was so excited to find one so cheap.”

“I bet there was never a swing set in that house. I don’t think that man even lived there.”

Dean hated to think that it had all been a trap and that he and Castiel had almost fallen victims to it. “At least now you have new material for your next book.”

Castiel made a face. “I wouldn’t feel comfortable writing about something so close to me.”

“Really? So you’ve never run into any zombies, vampires, or werewolves? I’m _shocked_.”

Castiel actually laughed. That was one of the things Dean was starting to really like about the guy—he had a good sense of humor. “Hey, did you try tracking down the post on the website?”

Dean nodded. “It was taken down. And I was blocked from that number. Whoever that man was, he was bad news.”

“You think?”

“What did we learn, Cas?”

Castiel sighed. “Not to trust strangers on Craigslist.”

“Good.”

“But not everyone on Craigslist is out to murder you.”

Dean glared at Castiel. “Cas.”

“Fine, fine. Never again!”

“I’m gonna tell Amelia to put some parental controls on your phone and laptop.”

Castiel threw his head back in laughter. “She actually would do that.”

“I wasn’t joking.”

“Dean, I’m not a child.”

“No, you’re not. But you’re going to have a child soon. So you need to keep yourself safe and healthy.”

Castiel gave him a soft smile. He had great smiles, and he handed them out so freely. Another thing Dean was really liking about him. “I can’t wait to be a dad, Dean. It’s all I ever think about.”

“You’re gonna love it. There’s nothing else like it. The first time you hold your baby in your arms, and you feel how tiny that little human is, how fragile, it’s incredible. You just know you’re gonna spend the rest of your life caring for them. Loving them. Protecting them. It’s love like you’ve never felt before.”

Castiel was quiet for a while. “Dean, did you always know you’d be a good father? Did you ever have doubts?”

Did he ever. Dean had been raised—if he had to call it that—by a man who spent most of his time drunk and out of a job. They’d hopped from motel room to motel room, and sometimes they got to live semi-permanently in an apartment, but things never got more stable than that. John wasn’t very caring either. Dean and Sam had practically raised each other. He never showed his love for them. But Dean still thought he’d loved them, in his own way. 

So, of course Dean had doubts about being a good dad to Ben. Dean had been terrified as much as he’d been thrilled. But he’d made it his job to be the best dad he could be and to not repeat what John had done to him and Sam. So far, he was proud to admit that he’d kept his word. Dean still worked on being a better dad every day because Ben deserved the very best version of him that Dean could give him. 

Dean locked eyes with Castiel and said, “The fact that you’re worried about being a good dad says that you’ll be a great one. Bad dads don’t give a damn. At all.”

Castiel smiled, looking satisfied with that answer. “You know what I want right now?”

“What?”

“Another piece of pie.”

Here was his very favorite thing about Castiel: he loved sweet foods as much as Dean did. Dean had never liked someone this much so soon after meeting them. But he and Castiel just clicked from day one. There was no better feeling that connecting with a new person on so many different levels. 

“Yes!” Dean said, already out of his seat. “I love it, dude. Let’s get some pie.”

  
  


**Castiel**

Castiel was itching to get back into his writing chair, to plan, to create, to lose himself into another world. Unfortunately, every time he tried, his mind blanked on him. No ideas were coming to him, no matter how long he sat in his chair, or how much tea he went through.

Meanwhile, Amelia wasn’t having any creative blocks at all. She was on the back porch, painting her newest masterpiece. 

_How the hell does she do it? How does she not lose that creative spark? God, she's amazing._

But that wasn’t the point. 

Castiel had to focus on his creative spark, not Amelia’s. Looking back at the blank word document in front of him, he sighed and shook his head. Then he got up and paced around his home office. Having a home office was a bad idea. He dreaded stepping inside it. 

He stopped his pacing, looking around. Maybe that was the real issue. He didn’t like his workspace. It was dull, boring. Lonely. Maybe Castiel just had to work somewhere else. Then he would have a new best seller on his hands.

Castiel went to find Amelia. Again. 

Dandy was sitting by her feet outside. Her current painting was of the night sky, the full moon bright. Amelia was so talented Castiel could get lost in all of her paintings. 

“What is it, dear?” Amelia asked, keeping her eyes on the canvas as she mixed some yellow into the glow of the moon. 

“I can’t write,” Castiel said. “I don’t have any ideas. I need to find a new place to work. I hate my office.”

“Why do you hate your office?”

“Because it’s awful. I hate being in there all by myself.”

“Take Dandy in there with you.”

“Dandy doesn’t want to be in there. Even she hates my office.”

Amelia looked up at him, lowering her brush. “Do you want me to go into your office with you?”

“No, you’re busy. I’m not going to interrupt your painting time.”

Amelia gave him a look. 

“I know that’s what I’m doing right now,” Castiel said. “But I need your help. I need suggestions.”

Amelia pondered on that, wrinkling her nose in that cute way of hers. “Why don’t you go down to the coffee shop? Don’t writers like to write in hipster type places like that?”

“Coffee Coffee Coffee?” Yeah, that was the name of the coffee shop. Castiel had been in there maybe twice since he and Amelia had moved here. 

“That’s the one. I heard Charlie works there now.”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “Really? Charlie Bradbury from down the road?”

“That’s the one.”

Castiel was suddenly interested. He liked Charlie. Maybe going down there would help stir his creativity. “Alright. I’m going to the coffee shop. You want me to pick you up something?”

“No, dear, thank you.” She smiled. “But I’ll text you if I need you.”

Castiel kissed the top of her head. “I love you. I’ll be back soon.”

“Take all the time in the world, dear.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

Amelia smiled again. “No, no, I would never.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, right.”

Coffee Coffee Coffee was a small coffee shop like many other places in Oklahoma. There were six tables, two of them only big enough for two people. The walls were a bright purple and there were some paintings from local artists hung up. Castiel inspected it closely and found one of Amelia’s painting of Dandy in a sunflower field on the wall behind him. When had she donated her painting to this place? 

The smell of coffee led Castiel to the counter where he was greeted by Charlie. She lived a few houses down from him with her wife, Rosa, who was an elementary school teacher. Castiel had always liked them both, but he hadn’t spoken to either of them in quite a while. He was glad he got to cross paths with Charlie again. 

“Well, hello there, stranger!” Charlie said brightly. Her red hair was swept up into a ponytail, clashing with the pink apron she wore.

“Hello, Charlie,” Castiel said. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Yes, it has. I heard from Amelia you guys have been spending some time with the new neighbors. Rosa and I still haven’t gone over to introduce ourselves yet.”

“Oh, yes, Dean and Lisa are wonderful. They have a cute boy named Ben. We really hit it off with all of them.”

“You should bring them down to the coffee shop. Tell them their first coffee is on me.”

“I’ll let them know. Thanks, Charlie.”

“What can I get you?” Charlie motioned to Castiel’s laptop in his hand. “You come here to write?”

Castiel sighed. “Yes, but I’m not sure I’ll actually get any work done. I’ll just have a French vanilla cappuccino.”

“I’ll bring your order to you when it’s done. Maybe it’ll help inspire your genius mind.”

Castiel chuckled. “Thanks. Here’s hoping.” He paid for his coffee and then sat on one of the small tables close to the wall so he could plug in his charger. 

After getting all set up, Castiel opened up the dauntingly empty and untitled Word document. Charlie brought over his cappuccino, and he smiled and thanked her for the third time. 

“You want a snack, too?” Charlie asked. “It’s on the house.”

Castiel rubbed a hand over his face. “I would actually love a chocolate croissant.”

Charlie grinned. “Coming right up.” She returned a few seconds later with the croissant, setting it down beside his coffee. “Good luck getting back in your writing groove, Castiel. Let me know if I can do anything to make it easier on you.”

Castiel smiled softly up at her. “Charlie, you’re the best. I’m sorry I haven’t kept in touch. Ever since we found out Amelia is pregnant, my mind has been stuck on that. There’s so much to do, and learn, and think about.”

“Congratulations, by the way. Don’t worry about it. Amelia keeps Rosa and I in the know.”

“I saw her painting up there.”

“Yeah, I had to ask her for one. Ever since I became manager here, I took down the old newspaper clippings talking about this place and put up local art. I thought it would liven up the place.”

“It really does. I had no idea you worked here until Amelia told me today. She suggested I come here.”

“Your wife always knows best,” Charlie said. “I’ll let you get to work. Quit stalling and just write.” She went back behind the counter. 

Castiel knew that it was easier to fix a full page than a blank page, so he had to get his fingers moving on the keyboard. But what would he write? He’d talked to his editor about moving to a different genre. Maybe he needed something brand new. Maybe comedy horror had gotten old for him. Or just horror in general.

Castiel’s phone vibrated with a text message and he picked it up, thankful for the distraction from his distraction. 

It was from Dean. 

_Dude Im halfway through your first book. The zombie one. It’s scary & hilarious. I didn’t think I’d be scared tho. You don’t look scary. _

Castiel chuckled. 

_Thank you, I guess?_

Dean replied a few seconds later. 

_I like the main character Paul. He’s so brave. He’s being brave for his family._

Castiel continued texting Dean, sometimes answering questions about the story. Talking about his first published book was more entertaining than it had ever been. Castiel enjoyed Dean’s enthusiasm. As an author, Castiel craved that excitement over his work from other people. It reassured him. It was the approval he sought after every book went to print. 

Before he knew it, it had been over an hour and he was still texting with Dean about his book. Others might see it as narcissistic to want to discuss so much with a reader, but being a writer was a bit narcissistic in nature. Writers wrote essentially because they thought they could come up with something worth reading. Something worth their reader’s time. 

It wasn’t until Dean told Castiel that he had to cook lunch that they stopped texting. Castiel told him he’d been a big help.

It was true. Dean had helped Castiel remember why he’d started writing in the first place. He wanted people to relate to his characters and to his stories. He wanted them to feel immersed in his writing. He wanted them to laugh. And be scared.

So, Castiel looked back at the empty Word document and he did something wild. 

He wrote. 

  
  


**Dean**

The doorbell rang while Dean was making quesadillas for lunch. Lisa had to work every Saturday so Dean was home alone with Ben, and therefore, he had to put down the cold tortillas and shredded cheese, wash his hands, and answer the door. 

Dean had expected to see Castiel because he’d just finished texting him about his book. They’d been having a really good conversation. Castiel was incredibly smart. Dean liked picking at his brain. But he was surprised to see Sam on his front porch. 

Sam looked somehow taller. His dark brown hair was down to his shoulders, and he had a bit of stubble like he’d forgotten to shave for a couple of days. That was probably true. But that wide smile was just the same as it had been when he’d been a tiny seven year old that Dean had walked to his first day of second grade. 

“Hey, Dean,” Sam said.

“Sammy,” Dean said, beaming. “Come on in. Come on.”

Sam stepped inside, giving Dean a quick hug. Then he took in the new house. He looked casual today in jeans and a red flannel instead of the usual gray suit he wore for work. “I like the new place. And something smells good.”

“I’m making lunch. You hungry? I know you like quesadillas.”

Sam widened his eyes. “Yeah, I’d love a quesadilla.”

“Have a seat.” Dean led him back to the kitchen where Dean went back to the stove to prepare the quesadillas and toast them. 

Sam sat down at the kitchen island. “Sorry it’s taken me a whole week to come visit. Work has been so hectic lately. Jess wanted to come, too, but she’s stuck at the hospital.”

“Hey, at least you’re here now,” Dean said. He had tried calling Sam a few times since he’d moved here, but he kept getting his voicemail. He knew Sam would eventually answer, but this was so much better. 

“Where’s Ben?”

“He’s probably drawing in his room.” Dean smiled. “He made me buy him this sketchbook and coloring pencils because he said he really wanted to draw dogs. Isn’t he adorable? Let me call him—Ben, come here!”

“Look at you, cooking in your brand new house. You’re like a real housewife.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “You’re hilarious.”

“How’s the neighborhood? Are your neighbors better than the last ones?”

Dean flipped a quesadilla on the pan. “Oh, way better. Our next door neighbors, the Novaks, are a dream come true. Amelia is into classic cars. She has a ‘57 Bel Air. Red. Gorgeous. She’s gonna let me drive it. And her husband, Castiel, he’s a comedy horror writer. Isn’t that cool? I started reading his first book, and it’s really good. I’m telling you, those two are the salt of the earth.”

Sam chuckled. “I can’t believe you already got so familiar with your neighbors. You usually just hated them in silence everywhere else you lived.”

“We finally got lucky,” Dean said. “The universe is paying me back for all the years of awful neighbors.”

Ben walked in, holding an empty Capri-Sun. “Uncle Sam!” 

“Hey, big guy!” Sam scooped Ben into his arms, squishing him. “How are you doing, squirt? Look at you, I think you got taller.”

Dean snorted. Ben was tiny for his age, but he loved it every time the doctors told him he’d grown during his check ups.

“I missed you, Uncle Sam.” Ben clung his arms around Sam’s neck, unwilling to let go even when Sam sat him down on the chair beside him. 

“I missed you, too, squirt.” Sam kissed the top of his head, and Ben finally let him go. Then he handed Dean the empty Capri-Sun. 

“Can I have another juice, Dad?” Ben asked. 

“Not until you eat your lunch. Go wash your hands. The quesadillas are almost ready.”

“But I want to show Uncle Sam my drawings first,” Ben said. 

“I’ll tell you what,” Sam said. “We’ll go wash our hands together, and then you can show me your drawings.”

“Okay!” Ben grinned, hopping down from the seat, and then yanking Sam away by the hand. “I’m gonna show you my new room. I have a new friend and her name is Dandy short for Dandelion and she lives next door and I love her so much and…”

Dean smiled as he finished up the quesadillas.

Lunch turned out to be better than Dean had expected. Sam got an earful of Ben’s stories from his new daycare and Dandy. Dean got to sit and watch his baby brother and son interact, which was really sweet. Sam had always been a great uncle, and he was so patient with Ben. They’d always been close. Dean knew it had been hard for Ben being so far away from Sam when they lived in Wilburton. Dean had tried to make the drive, no matter how long, but their visits were always fewer than they’d wanted. 

Now, things would hopefully change. Sam was a short drive away. Dean could go with Ben to visit or Sam could come here anytime. Things would be a lot easier now for all of them. Another reason to love this new house. 

After lunch, Ben made them both go sit on the couch with him to watch _PAW Patrol_. Ben always got so hypnotized by the show that he hardly paid attention to anything else being said. 

“So, your neighbors have a dog named Dandy?” Sam asked. 

“Yeah, Ben loves her. She’s a golden retriever. The nicest dog I’ve ever met.”

“Has Lisa budged on the no dog rule yet?”

Dean sighed. “Trust me, the moment Lisa says yes, there will be a dog in this house. I’ll take Ben to the shelter to adopt one right then and there.”

Sam frowned. “Poor Ben. I know how much he wants a dog.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much all he talks about.” Dean couldn’t understand how Lisa hadn’t caved on the dog issue yet. Ben wanted to be surrounded by dogs all the time. How did she see that and still said not to him? Dean sighed. “At least the Novaks said Ben can play with Dandy whenever he wants. The other day we took her for a walk with Castiel.”

“It sounds like you’ve spent all your free time with the Novaks.”

Dean gave Sam a look. “Are you jealous we like the Novaks so much? You know you’re still my number one, Sammy.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Of course I’m not jealous. It’s just so strange to me that you’re so attached to your neighbors. You’ve only been living here a week.”

Dean shrugged. “Yeah, well, they’re awesome.”

“Maybe I’ll get to meet them one day.”

“Yeah, sure. Come over for dinner. I’ll invite them, too.”

“I’ll check with Jess to see when she has a day off. She’s always doing double shifts now.”

“Let me know. We really miss her, too.”

Sam smiled. “Dean, I’m really happy for you. I mean, you finally have your dream house. I know how hard you’ve worked for this. For all of this. You look really good. Happy. Stable. You even have cool neighbors.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed. “Things are finally looking up for me and my family. I think this is where Lisa and I will get to grow old, you know? I’m actually looking into buying a pair of rocking chairs for the front porch so she and I can sit and drink iced tea, like real southerners.”

Sam laughed. “I can see that so clearly. You won’t look so bad with gray hair.”

“But I’m not letting my hair get gray until I’m at least fifty.”

“Always so vain.”

“I just know we have bad genes. Gotta start preparing now.”

They got quiet, then. Dean thought about John, and all the awful things they’d gotten from him. The only good thing Dean had inherited from their dad was the Impala. That was it. Nothing else. 

Dean looked at Ben, eyes wide as he watched his favorite show. He promised himself that Ben would learn great, amazing things from him. Being a good dad was going to be Dean’s legacy in this world. 

  
  


**Castiel**

By Sunday, Castiel had written ten thousand words of backstory for his new book. Unlike his other books, there weren’t any monsters or creatures or anything like that. It wasn’t really horror either. Instead, it was closer to mythology. 

It was a story about a fallen angel. 

Castiel had always been interested in angels. He’d been named after the Angel of Thursday, after all. Angels had always been this fascinating concept. A celestial, powerful, winged creature; a soldier of God. But, what if this soldier wasn’t as firm in his beliefs as the other angels? What if this angel was tempted by the joys that earth could offer, and he fell from heaven?

That was the basic idea anyway. 

There was so much work to do. So much more to think up. This was brand new territory for Castiel, who didn’t really know much about angels and had spent most of the previous night researching angelology. 

When Amelia found Castiel asleep at his desk in his home office, Castiel had been dreaming of the angel in his story. A divine creature that had lived a millenia, but still had so much to learn from this world. The angel remained nameless, so Castiel addressed him as The Angel, as if he was the only one in existence. 

“Dear, did you pass out in here?” Amelia asked, a hand brushing back the mess that was his hair. 

Castiel sat up, feeling several aches all over his body from sleeping in his desk chair all night. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, blinking up at Amelia, who was offering him a hot cup of chamomile tea. “Thank you, Ames.” He grabbed the cup from her hands and took a careful sip.

Amelia smiled. “You must have been truly inspired yesterday. I don’t think I saw much of you before you disappeared into your office.”

Castiel sipped his tea again. “I think I have my new book. I have most of the backstory down, but I still need to come up with a clear outline, side characters, and a plot. I need to get back to work.”

Amelia held his shoulder, stopping him from standing up. “Castiel, dear, you need to take care of yourself. I’m glad you found your mojo again, but you slept in this chair all night. Well, judging by the bags under your beautiful eyes, I’d say you slept half the night, if that. Go to bed. When you’re well rested you can get back to work.”

As much as Castiel wanted to argue, he knew Amelia was right. Sometimes when he was so deep into his work, Castiel forgot self-care. Once he’d gone an entire day without eating because he was so focused on what he was writing. 

“You’re right,” Castiel said. “What would I do without you?”

Amelia kissed him. “Crash and burn. Now go to bed.”

Castiel went to bed, his thoughts racing and revolving around the angel in his new story. He thought that sleep would never come, but as soon as he was under the covers, he passed out. 

When Castiel woke up, it was to the wet feeling of Dandy’s tongue on his cheek. Castiel groaned, rolling over so his face was dug into his pillow, but then Dandy started licking his ear. That was when Castiel knew that it was time to get up. 

Castiel rolled around, and Dandy jumped excitedly on the bed. “Hi, sweet girl. You want my attention? I hear you. I’m up.”

The alarm clock on his nightstand showed that it was 3:15 pm, which explained his growling stomach. 

Castiel got out of bed, stretching his sore muscles. Maybe he’d never fully recover from sleeping in that chair. He felt closer to fifty than his actual thirty-three years. Castiel walked Dandy to the backyard, sliding open the glass door to let her out. Dandy ran eagerly to do her business on the grass. He wondered where Amelia was. Usually, Dandy would bother her to be let out since she was usually on the back porch painting.

There was music coming from somewhere. 

Castiel stepped into the backyard, following the music all the way to the tall fence that he shared with Dean and Lisa’s house. It was Led Zeppelin. Castiel wasn’t tall enough to see to the other side, so he jumped, trying to see something. 

In the short second, he thought he saw Dean, Lisa, Ben. Maybe Amelia? Castiel jumped again. 

“Hey, everybody, we have a Peeping Tom!” That was clearly Dean. 

Castiel laughed, leaning on the fence. “I seem to be missing my wife. I was just looking for her.”

Suddenly, Dean’s head was looking over the fence. “Hi.”

Castiel furrowed his brow. “Are you standing on something or are you just really tall?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m standing on a chair.” He wagged his eyebrows. “Sleeping Beauty get enough rest? Amelia came over because you were sleeping. I’m gonna fire up the grill and make burgers. Come join us, buddy.”

“I’ll be right there.”

Castiel was really hungry. His first instinct was to go next door immediately. However, he hadn’t showered in...a while, so he decided to jump in the shower first. The hot water woke him up all the way. After dressing in cargo shorts and a red polo, Castiel realized he had a text from Dean.

_We’re all in the back so let urself in with the spare key in the fake rock on our porch_

Castiel and Dandy went next door, and Castiel let himself in with the key. It felt a bit strange to just open up a house that wasn’t his, but he had permission from the house owner. Castiel had a similar hide-a-key rock on his porch.

The house was eerily quiet, but Castiel followed the music—AC/DC now—to the backyard. 

Dean’s backyard was well kept, the freshly mowed grass scent strong. It was also bare, aside from a grill, a table, and a few plastic chairs occupied by Lisa and Amelia. Dean was at the grill. Ben was riding a tricycle, but he climbed off of it and ran up to Dandy as soon as he saw her. 

“Dandy’s here!” Ben cheered. “Hi, Cas!”

Castiel smiled, squatting down to Ben’s eye level. He’d always done this with kids, wanting them to feel as equal and important as adults. “Hello, Ben. It’s nice to see you again. I thought you might want to play with Dandy.”

Ben nodded. “Yes, yes, yes! Can I show her my tricycle? My dad got it for me today.”

“Go for it.”

“Thank you,” Ben said before leading Dandy to the tricycle. 

Castiel looked after Ben, smiling. That kid had incredible manners. 

“You made it,” Amelia said. “I got bored in the house. It was too quiet.”

“We were happy to rescue her from boredom,” Dean said.

“Would you like something to drink?” Lisa asked. “There’s soda and beer.”

“A beer would be great, thanks,” Castiel said. 

Lisa nodded, ready to get up. 

“No, don’t get up,” Castiel said. “I don’t want to bother you. I can get it myself.”

“Cas, why don’t you get two beers from the fridge?” Dean asked. “I’m running low.”

Castiel nodded. First, he let himself in and now he was rummaging through their fridge. Dean and Lisa were either really trusting people or Castiel was suddenly a close friend of the family. That made him smile. 

When Castiel made it back outside, he stopped to kiss Amelia’s cheek on his way to Dean. Amelia seemed to be getting along well with Lisa. Then again, Amelia got along well with everyone. She was just that charming. Castiel, well, he didn’t exactly have her people skills. 

Castiel handed Dean one of the beers, and Dean thanked him. He was still getting the grill ready. “I didn’t know you were into grilling.”

“Oh, yeah, big time,” Dean said. “I make the best burgers. But you’ll have to wait and try one to believe me.”

Castiel smiled. “I can’t wait.” He sipped his beer. “I wanted to thank you for the conversation we had yesterday, about my book. I’ve been in sort of a rut when it comes to writing. But after we talked, I finally got inspired to write something new. Amelia found me asleep at my desk this morning.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “I helped you write? Wow. That’s kind of a nice compliment.”

“You did help me. I very much enjoyed talking to you about my book.”

Dean’s smile grew. He looked suddenly giddy. “Heh. I’m like your muse now.”

“Well—”

“I’ve never been a muse.”

“I mean—”

“I feel special.”

Castiel chuckled. Dean was far more excited by this than Castiel had expected him to be. “Well, it wasn’t you in particular. It was more the conversation we had over my book that helped.”

“Hey, man, don’t take back my compliment. I’m a muse.”

“Whatever makes you happy, Dean.”

Dean grinned. “So, Sam came by yesterday. We got to have lunch together. It was just like old times.”

“That’s wonderful. I would have loved to meet him.”

“Yeah, I told him he should come over for dinner with Jess and you guys. But he’s a busy guy, and so is Jess. She’s an ER nurse and he’s a divorce attorney, so it’s rare when I get to see them both at the same time. But I told him all about you guys, and he’s excited to meet you both.”

Castiel smiled. He knew that Dean was more likely referring to Amelia than him in that conversation, but it was still sweet to act like he talked up both of them to his younger brother. “Well, I hope we can meet each other soon.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Castiel kept Dean company while he grilled, and he surprised himself when he started talking about his new book idea. It was rare when Castiel talked about his unfinished manuscripts, but since Dean had been such a big help in getting it started, it felt right. And Dean asked excellent questions, helping Castiel come up with things he might have overlooked. Who would have thought of an angel feeling more like family with humans he interacts with rather than his other angel brethren?

When the burgers were ready, they all sat down at the table to eat. Dean hadn’t lied about how great his burgers were. They were better than any burger Castiel had ever had before. 

Amelia seemed to agree. “Dean, these are fantastic.”

Lisa smiled over at Dean. “Yeah, he’s amazing at so many things, but making burgers is right at the top of the list.”

“I’m not good with a grill,” Castiel said. “But I’m tempted to learn so I can make some myself.”

Dean gave him a look. “You can try, but no one makes better burgers than me.”

“Is that a challenge?” Castiel asked. 

Dean snorted. “Hardly. You’d only be setting yourself up for failure.”

“Oh, dear, I think you’ve been burned,” Amelia said. 

“If you guys decide to challenge each other to make the best burger, put me down as a judge,” Lisa said. “I’ve been with Dean for over six years. I’ve probably eaten burgers from every place in Oklahoma that makes them.”

“I’ll be the second judge,” Amelia said. “I can’t say no to burgers.”

Dean held Castiel’s gaze. “What do you say, _Novak_?”

“I never back down from a challenge,” Castiel said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. He was good at making burgers, but he’d never made his recipe on a grill. He’d never even owned a grill. It’d be put to the test. 

Dean smirked. “Game on. Next weekend. We’re having a grill-off. Lisa and Amelia will try both of our burgers, and they’ll pick the winner.”

“Perfect,” Castiel said. “Prepare to have the Win removed from Winchester.”

Lisa and Amelia “Ooooh’d” at that. 

Castiel grinned. 

Dean chuckled. “You talk a big game, but I know you’re shaking inside.”

“You wish.”

Dean narrowed his eyes, his face serious. But then, his lips quirked into a smile. “You want another beer?”

“Yes, please,” Castiel said. 

And just like that, they forgot about their burger challenge for the time being.

  
  


**Dean**

On Tuesday, Castiel dropped by a large manila envelope. 

Dean found it under the mat on his front porch. Inside, there was a stack of papers, with a blue sticky note on top. 

_Dean, I was hoping you’d tell me what you think of my new book so far. Since you call yourself my muse, I’m going to make you work for the title._

_P.S. looking forward to kicking your ass this weekend._

_-Castiel_

Dean smiled. Castiel had trusted him with his new book. And Dean would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited to dive right into it. Last night, he’d finished the first book and started the second one about vampires. Castiel’s books were really good. By the sounds of it, his newest one wouldn’t fall far behind. 

He sent Castiel a text. 

_Got your pages. I’ll give you a call once I finish them_

Castiel texted back. 

_Sounds good._

But Dean had a whole routine to follow now that he was home from work. Lisa had offered to make dinner tonight, so that was one less thing on his list. However, that meant that it was Dean’s turn to get Ben in the bathtub afterward. 

Dean took a shower first. Then he played a quick soccer game with Ben in the backyard. They had tried out baseball and basketball, but Ben seemed really into soccer. 

Dean stole the ball from Ben again. “Hey, kiddo, do you wanna play soccer with other kids? Like, in a team?”

This time Ben stole the ball from Dean. “Yes! I wanna play with other kids.”

“Awesome. I’ll find you a team to play with. You really like soccer, don’t you?”

“Yeah, it’s a lot of fun.”

After dinner, Dean looked up soccer teams for kids in Ben’s age range. He found one that met at a park about fifteen minutes from here. Dean wrote down the information and sent an email to the coach, hoping to hear back from him soon. 

Then, Dean got Ben in the tub, sticking around to make sure Ben didn’t drown as he played with his rubber ducks. Ben knew how to bathe himself, but Dean and Lisa didn’t like leaving him alone, especially when there was water concerned. 

Dean wanted to tell Ben that he might have found him a team, but decided to wait, in case it didn’t happen. He didn’t want him to get his hopes up just yet. 

By 9:00 pm, Ben was tucked in bed. Tonight, Lisa sat on the left side of Ben’s bed while Dean sat on the right. Together, they read a bedtime story for Ben, switching the reading every other page. Ben loved bedtime stories, but he loved them even more when both Lisa and Dean read them to him. 

Ben was falling asleep by the time they were done. 

Lisa leaned down to kiss his forehead, and Dean smiled down at them. Then Lisa motioned for the door, and Dean turned off the lamp before walking out behind her. 

“Guess what?” Dean said, following Lisa to their bedroom. 

Lisa started undressing, digging out her pajamas from the dresser in her underwear. “What?”

“I think I found a soccer team for Ben. I asked him if he wanted to play with other kids, and he said yes. They meet at a park near the house. Every Saturday at 10:00 am. I emailed the coach, and I’m waiting to hear back from him.”

“I work Saturdays, Dean,” Lisa said, slipping into her pajamas.

“I know, but I don’t. I think this would be really good for Ben. I can play sports with him in the backyard all day, but it’s not the same when it’s just two players.”

Lisa peeled away the covers, crawling in bed. She sighed. “Why do you always make all of the parenting decisions without me?”

Dean stared at her, wondering if she was serious. “What do you mean?”

“I mean exactly what I said,” Lisa said. “You always decide what’s best for Ben. You pick what he gets to eat, what he gets to play, when he goes to bed, what shampoo he uses. You make all the decisions when it comes to Ben. You never ask my opinion. You’re telling me about this soccer team after you sent the email. _After_ you decided.”

Dean didn’t know where all of this was coming from, and he wondered if Lisa was just tired and trying to pick a fight. So he tried not to let it get to him. “Alright. If you don’t want him to be in a soccer team, then forget it. I’ll tell him it won’t happen.”

Lisa groaned. “See, you always do this, Dean. You make me look like the bad guy when I put my foot down. I don’t want Ben to have a dog because there’s no one to take care of it, but you make me sound like I’m this monster who doesn’t want my son to have a dog. I’m always the strict parent in Ben’s eyes. You’re the one who can’t say no to anything, so I have to be the one that says no. I hate that you put me in this role. I wish you were…”

Dean inhaled through his nose. “You wish I was what? A different man? 

Lisa looked away. “I don’t know.”

“Ben’s _other_ dad?”

“Maybe.”

That was worse than a gut punch. 

Dean had nothing to say to that. He walked out of the room to the kitchen for a cold beer and out to his front porch. There were still no rocking chairs, so he sat on the top step. He rubbed his hands over his face, trying to keep a level head. He wanted to believe that Lisa was just in a bad mood and hadn’t meant what she’d said. But deep down, Dean knew that he’d always been Lisa’s second choice for Ben’s father. 

Lisa had cried over Ben’s dad for weeks after he left. At the time, Dean had convinced himself that it was because of the pregnancy hormones, but he hadn’t wanted to see the truth. Lisa had been in love with Benjamin West. His abandonment had left her miserable and frightened, and she’d run into Dean’s arms because she knew Dean would never say no to her.

Dean had done his very best to love Lisa, to help her forget the man who’d just up and left her and her unborn baby. But Dean had always felt the ghost of Benjamin driving a wedge between them. Dean wasn’t only Lisa’s second choice for Ben’s dad. Dean was Lisa’s second choice for a boyfriend. Why else had she not wanted to marry him?

Dean had brought up the topic plenty of times before, but Lisa was firmly set on not wanting to get married. She said it wasn’t necessary. That she didn’t really believe in marriage. And Dean had wanted to believe her. 

But now, he wasn’t so sure. 

Dean took a long swig from his beer, and the cold bitterness felt so good. He hadn’t realized he’d started crying until the wind hit his face and he felt the cold wetness on his cheeks.

“Ah, fuck,” Dean grunted, wiping his cheeks with his shirt. 

“Dean?”

Dean looked up. 

Castiel was standing there, holding Dandy in a leash. “You okay?”

“I didn’t hear you come in through the gate, sorry.” Dean wiped his cheeks again, flushing with embarrassment. He hadn’t wanted to get caught crying just because he got his feelings hurt. 

_Get it together, Dean_. 

“You mind if I sit?”

Dean shook his head. 

Castiel sat down on the step beside him while Dandy laid down on the bottom step. “I started walking Dandy at night, so it’s a little cooler on her paws.”

Dean nodded. He didn’t want to be rude, but he wasn’t really in the mood to talk. 

Castiel bumped their shoulders together. “I’d like to know what I can do to make you smile. If my muse is unhappy, then how will I get any work done?”

Dean nearly chuckled, surprised by the action. “Shut up.”

“Didn’t think it’d be that easy.”

“I’m fine.” Dean took another swig of his beer. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters. Anything that hurts matters.”

Dean stared ahead, into the night. “I thought I wasn’t your muse.”

“I decided that you are.”

Maybe it was because Dean was feeling vulnerable, but hearing Castiel say that made Dean feel special all over again. Castiel had trusted him with his writing. The thing he did so well he got to do it for a living. And he’d only just met Dean a few days ago. “Thanks, man. You don’t have to stick around. I don’t mind being alone.”

“Have you considered that I’m here because I wanted your company?”

Dean turned to look at him, and his face was so open and honest. Dean hadn’t met many people like Castiel, always saying things in earnest, with nothing hidden or covered up. “You’re not so bad to have around either.”

Castiel held his gaze for what would be considered socially unacceptable when it came to making direct eye contact in total silence. “Dean, I don’t mean to pry, but if you ever want to talk, I’m here. I just...I thought you should know that.”

Dean sighed, knowing full well he was bound to spill the truth sooner or later anyway. “Do you know how hard it is to always try to be the best, but then to realize no matter how hard I try, my best will never be enough?”

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. “Did you have a fight with Lisa?”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Cas, I don’t think…” Dean took a shaky breath, his heart racing with the realization. “I don’t think she loves me.” His voice was so quiet that he wouldn’t be surprised if Castiel hadn’t heard him. 

But apparently, Castiel had heard him, because he placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder. The simple touch was comforting, just to not feel so alone. 

The silence that fell over them wasn’t uncomfortable. It was kind of soothing to just sit there on the porch, with only a street lamp to light up the night.

“Dean, I’ve never seen a kid look at his dad the way Ben looks at you,” Castiel said, breaking the silence. “He looks at you like you’re fucking Iron Man. Like you’re his very own superhero. That is just...that’s incredible.”

Dean sighed. “I’m just trying to be better than my deadbeat dad.”

“Hey, I had one of those, too,” Castiel said. “But look at us, we both turned out fine.”

Dean looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “We did?”

“Yes. We did.”

Dean smiled. It was something small, but it was real. “Thanks, Cas. You didn’t have to comfort me. I usually just sulk by myself. It’s less humiliating.”

“I’ve got news for you, Dean. You’re my best friend. And as my best friend, my job is to be there for you, no matter what.”

“Best friend? I got upgraded.”

“Yes, you did.”

“In a few days, I went from being a complete stranger to your muse and best friend. I’m gonna need you to take me out to dinner before you propose to me.”

Castiel grinned. “Duly noted.”

Dandy glanced back at them from her spot on the ground, and Dean reached over to pet her behind the ear. She was soft, like silk.

Dean cleared his throat. “I haven’t gotten a chance to read your pages yet.”

“No rush. Take your time. I hope you enjoy it. I usually don’t share my unfinished manuscripts with anyone other than my wife. So this is kind of new for me.”

“You always know how to make a girl feel special, Cas.”

Castiel chuckled. “I try.”

“I should go inside. I have to be up early tomorrow.”

Castiel removed his hand from around Dean’s shoulder, and Dean missed the weight of it instantly. “You going to be okay?”

“I bounce back fast.”

“If you need me, you’ve got my number. And my address.”

Dean grinned. “Thanks.”

Castiel clapped his shoulder before he stretched his legs, back on his feet. Dandy followed his lead. “Good night, Dean.”

“Good night.”

Dean was glad that Lisa was already asleep when he went to bed. He would avoid the topic of their argument for as long as possible. Pretending that things were fine was one of his best skills. 

  
  


**Castiel**

Castiel wasn’t surprised to find Dean in his kitchen the following Friday, eating cheesecake with Amelia. It _was_ surprising that he had showed up alone. After Castiel had found Dean in tears on his front porch, Dean hadn’t brought up the issue with Lisa again. They’d kept their conversations light, mostly talking about the pages Castiel gave Dean to read. Dean was a really great reader, and he had given Castiel a lot of useful feedback. 

“You want some cheesecake?” Dean asked, already cutting up a slice. 

“Come sit with us, dear,” Amelia said. “Dean brought us a cheesecake he made. It’s delicious.”

Castiel sat between Dean and Amelia on the table, taking a bite of cheesecake. It was creamy and smooth, not overly sweet or tangy. Just perfect. “This _is_ delicious. Thank you, Dean.”

“I needed something to do with my hands after work, so I got to baking. I thought I’d come share it so I wouldn’t end up eating it all by myself.”

“Lisa and Ben went to visit Lisa’s mom,” Amelia explained. 

Dean cleared his throat, smiling with sad eyes. Castiel figured that Dean must still not be on good terms with Lisa. “Yeah, and I thought we could watch _Dr. Sexy_. New episode airs tonight.”

Castiel smiled. He’d kind of enjoyed that overly dramatic hospital show. And if it lifted Dean’s spirits, then Castiel would watch it every Friday night with him. “There’s nothing I’d rather be doing with my Friday night than watching medical workers sleeping with each other.”

Amelia snorted. “Well, I’m still catching up with Castiel’s new book, so I’ll be reading that in my room.”

“Oh, I haven’t finished reading either,” Dean said. “But so far, I’m really digging it. The angel is badass.”

Amelia grinned. “I know. I love the action sequences. Every time he fights, my pulse quickens.”

“Why doesn’t he have a name?” Dean asked, this time facing Castiel. 

“I don’t know,” Castiel said. “I haven’t come up with one yet. But it’ll come to me.”

“Well, I love him,” Dean said. 

“So do I,” Amelia said, standing up behind Castiel’s chair. She leaned down, wrapping her arms around his shoulders from behind and kissed his cheek. “I love you, dear.”

Castiel touched her hand on his chest. “I love you.”

The moment she was gone, Castiel missed her. It was ridiculous, of course. She was in the other room. 

Dean was silently eating cheesecake. Now that Amelia was gone, Dean’s fake smile was gone as well. How long had his relationship been making him unhappy? They’d looked like the perfect couple before the night Dean had opened up to him on the porch. Before that day, Castiel would have sworn that they were just as in love as he and Amelia. 

“How are you doing, Dean?” Castiel asked, voice quiet. 

Dean shrugged. “I’m giving her some space. We haven’t really talked about anything important since Tuesday.”

“Do you want to talk to me about it?”

Dean scoffed. “No. That’s not gonna help.”

“You never know.”

“Lisa and I have always had problems. We’ll get through this like we always have before.”

A pit in Castiel’s stomach made him doubt that. He wondered if Dean felt the same, but he couldn’t tell. Maybe Dean believed what he was saying. Maybe not. When Dean was ready to talk, then he would. In the meantime, Castiel was just here to cheer him up. 

“Let’s go watch _Dr. Sexy_ ,” Castiel said, taking his cheesecake with him. 

They moved over to the couch and found the station right when the intro started. Dean seemed to finally relax the moment the cheesy theme song played. 

_Dr. Sexy_ was a very complicated show. There were countless characters with too many relationship issues. Then there were the actual medical issues which always seemed ridiculous. The dialogue was highly cliched, and surely the medical terminology wasn’t entirely accurate. But the show was slowly becoming Castiel’s guilty pleasure. It was pure, dramatic entertainment. 

By the end of the episode, Dean was smiling a real smile that reached his eyes. It looked as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Castiel was glad to see some improvement. 

“Thanks for watching the show with me again,” Dean said. “You didn’t have to.”

“It was my pleasure. This is my new favorite show. From now on, you and I are watching _Dr. Sexy_ every Friday night.”

Dean’s face lit up. “For real?”

“For real.”

“That’s awesome. I’ve never found anyone to watch it with.”

“Well, now you have me.”

Dean grinned. “Are you ready for our grill-off tomorrow?”

No, he definitely wasn’t. He’d completely forgotten. “I’m going to have to go after you because I’ve never even tried to work a grill before. But when it comes down to the taste, oh, it’s going down, Winchester.”

“Yeah, right. No one has ever made a better burger than me. I’m the real Burger King.”

Castiel threw his head back in laughter. “You’re such an idiot.”

“What? I’m serious. I wear the crown.”

“Okay, Mr. Burger King.”

Dean elbowed Castiel on the side. “I’m gonna head home. Lisa and Ben should be back by now. I’ll see you and Amelia tomorrow at my place. Be prepared to lose.”

“I’ll be prepared to dethrone you,” Castiel said, walking Dean to the door. 

Dean stepped out to the front porch, and turned back around. “Tell Amelia goodbye from me. And remember to put the cheesecake in the fridge so it doesn’t go bad.”

“I will.”

Dean gave him a mock salute before walking away. 

Castiel put the cheesecake in the fridge before heading to his bedroom. Amelia was curling up around her pillow, iPad propped up against her arm, reading. 

“How was the show?” she asked.

“Very dramatic. Not bad.”

“You and Dean have become close, haven’t you?” 

Castiel shrugged out of his shirt. “Yeah, he’s my best friend.”

Amelia smiled, setting aside her iPad and pushing herself up into a sitting position. “Best friend already? You sure move fast.”

Castiel chuckled, putting on his pajama top. “You know me.”

“You know I really like Dean,” Amelia continued, looking down at the blankets, tracing the designs printed on it with a finger. “He’s a great father to Ben.” She pulled her bottom lip between her front teeth.

Where was this going? Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. “Yeah, he’s an excellent father. What about it?”

“You know how Lisa and I have gotten close as well? Well, Lisa told me that Dean isn’t Ben’s biological father.”

Castiel frowned, slipping out of his pants. “What’s your point?”

“You knew about that?”

Castiel sighed. “Yes. Dean shared that with me when we first hung out. I didn’t think it was my place to share that personal detail about his life.”

“No, that’s fine, dear. That’s not what I’m getting at.”

“Then what?” Castiel put on his pajama bottom and crawled in bed beside Amelia. 

Amelia sighed. “Lisa told me that she’s had some contact with Ben’s biological dad. On Facebook.”

Castiel drew in his breath, widening his eyes. Now that was completely unexpected. “Are you serious?”

“Yes,” Amelia said, nodding. “She hasn’t told Dean because she doesn’t think he’ll be okay with it. Maybe it’s nothing. I might just be overthinking it. But I thought I’d tell you. I just...I worry for Dean.”

“You think Lisa would cheat on him or something?”

“No. I mean, I don’t know. I haven’t known Lisa that long. I like her. But I also like Dean. And I don’t like that she’s keeping secrets from him.”

Castiel didn’t like that either. Amelia knew Lisa better than he did, but Dean should know that she had contact with Ben’s father. What did that mean, exactly? That he wanted to be back in Ben’s life? Or Lisa’s life? Or both? Dean was already insecure about Lisa’s feelings for him. Knowing that Lisa was talking to Ben’s father would only make things worse. 

Castiel ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“I’m in a really tough spot, Ames. I can’t tell Dean what you told me because Lisa confided in you, but by doing that, I’m lying to him. I don’t like this.”

“I don’t like it either.”

“Maybe Lisa will come clean.”

“It didn’t sound to me like Lisa wanted to come clean.”

God, this was the worst. Castiel didn’t want to meddle in Dean’s relationship. But what was he supposed to do?

“I could suggest couple’s therapy to Dean,” Castiel said. “Maybe if they go to therapy together, they’ll talk things out. Before anything gets out of hand.”

“Maybe we should stay out of it.”

“You’re probably right.”

Amelia smiled. “I usually am.”

“Let’s just go to sleep. I don’t want to worry about this anymore.” Castiel leaned down to kiss Amelia. “Good night.”

“Good night, dear.”

Sleep didn’t come easy for Castiel that night. It was impossible not to worry about the situation. He couldn’t stop thinking about Lisa lying to Dean about something so significant. Castiel hated the thought of Dean getting hurt, by Lisa or by anyone else. Dean, who was so kind-hearted and genuine and _good_. Castiel wanted to spare Dean any pain whatsoever. Ever since that night on his front porch, Castiel had dreaded seeing that sorrowful look on Dean’s face again. If Castiel could, he would spare Dean all the hurt that lived in his heart. But he couldn’t.

And that kept Castiel up for hours.

  
  


**Dean**

The doorbell rang first thing in the morning. It was Saturday, so Dean was sure it was Castiel. Dean had already made it clear that Castiel was not only allowed but _encouraged_ to let himself in with the spare key on the porch. Dean was even debating just making Castiel an extra copy to carry in his keychain. 

But when Dean opened the door, he found two beaming women. One of them had bright red hair, a Star Wars t-shirt, ripped jeans, and rainbow Converse—Dean loved those. The other one had long, curly black hair almost down to her waist. She was wearing shorts and a tank top. Her skin was brown, and she had a dimpled smile. 

The redheaded one was carrying a big muffin basket. “Hello, neighbor,” she said. “I’m Charlie Bradbury. This is my wife, Rosa Melendez. We live down the street.”

“Oh, hi,” Dean said a bit awkwardly. Then he remembered his manners. “I’m Dean Winchester. Come on in.” He stepped aside, letting them both in before closing the door behind them. Dean led them to the living room, and they sat on one of the couches while Dean sat on the other one. 

“You have a beautiful home,” Rosa said, looking around the room. 

“Thank you,” Dean said. “It’s still kind of a work in progress.”

“We brought you a small gift,” Charlie said, setting down the basket on the coffee table. “Rosa makes the best blueberry muffins. We had to bring you some.”

“We’re really sorry we couldn’t come earlier,” Rosa said. “I’ve been nagging Charlie about it ever since we heard we had new neighbors.”

Dean waved a hand. He’d never had neighbors like this who were thoughtful enough to drop by with a muffin basket to welcome him to the neighborhood. What was up with this magical neighborhood? “Please. Don’t apologize. I’m glad you guys came over. It’s better late than never. Can I offer you guys a drink? I was about to make coffee.”

Charlie and Rosa locked eyes, smiling widely. Then, completely in sync, they both said, “Coffee sounds perfect.”

Dean chuckled. “Alright. I’ll be right back. Make yourselves at home.” He went into the kitchen and brewed some coffee. While he waited for the coffee, he pulled out three mugs from the cupboard, each one with a different state written in a different type of funky font. From the times he’d visited Missouri, Louisiana, and West Virginia. He missed those long road trips with Sam in the passenger seat, AC/DC blasting from the speakers, and the wind hitting his face as they drove down the highway without a clear destination.

When he returned to the living room, Charlie and Rosa were sharing a laugh. 

“I’m not sure how you take your coffees, so I brought everything,” Dean said. 

“Thanks, Dean,” Charlie said. “Rosa was just telling me about her third grade students.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “You’re a teacher?”

Rosa nodded. “I am. Summers are always simultaneously too long and too short for me. I miss my students.”

Dean blew into his coffee before he sipped it. He took it black. “Teachers are amazing. I don’t know how you do it. My hands are always full, and I only have a five-year-old.”

“I’d heard about your son, but I didn’t know he was so tiny,” Charlie said. “He’s only five? Aww. I really want one.”

“Are you guys trying?” Dean asked. 

“We’re still not sure what route to take,” Rosa said. “One of us could get pregnant with a sperm donor, or we could adopt. Whatever we decide, I’m sure Charlie will make a great mom.”

Charlie blushed. “Do you see why I married her?”

Dean smiled. “Well, good luck with whatever you settle on. Being a parent is my favorite job.”

“I heard you were a mechanic,” Charlie said. 

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Is there some kind of neighborhood newsletter going around that I don’t know about?”

Rosa laughed. “No, nothing like that. We should have mentioned that we’re both good friends with Amelia Novak. Recently, all she talks about is your family.”

That made more sense. Dean was kind of flattered that Amelia had gushed about them to her friends. “Yeah, I love the Novaks. I didn’t know everyone in this neighborhood was so close.” 

Charlie shrugged. “Not everyone is close, but some of us do stay in constant contact. Every year Rosa and I host a potluck barbecue over at our place. We invite the entire neighborhood to get to know each other better and catch up. All that good stuff. This year it’ll be on June 27th. So consider this your informal invitation.”

“Oh, great,” Dean said. “That sounds awesome. I'll make a note of it on my calendar so I don’t forget.” 

This magical neighborhood had yearly get-togethers, too? Dean felt like he’d stepped into a fairy tale or something just as quirky.

Charlie sipped her coffee. “I told Castiel to bring your family down to my coffee shop for free coffee. Did he forget to mention it?”

Dean chuckled. Castiel had never even mentioned Charlie or Rosa before, but he kept that to himself. “Yeah, I think it might have slipped his mind. What’s the coffee shop called?”

“It’s called Coffee Coffee Coffee,” Charlie said, excitedly. “Easy to remember.”

Dean reached for a muffin. “May I?”

Rosa pushed the basket closer to him. “Go ahead. They’re all yours.”

The muffins had been tempting him ever since he laid eyes on them. Dean broke off a piece and ate it, humming his approval. Dean had always been more of a banana nut muffin man, but the blueberry taste was almost otherworldly. It was soft and crunchy in all the right places. 

“What did you think?” Charlie asked, wagging her eyebrows. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

“It’s awesome,” Dean agreed, taking another bite. “Damn. I’m gonna have to resist stuffing my face with all of these today.”

“You better leave some for your family,” Rosa said, laughing.

“Oh, don’t worry. As soon as Ben gets up, he’ll be happy to have one.”

Charlie and Rosa stuck around a little longer, telling Dean about some interesting local events and shops as they drank their coffees. They were both really nice people. They wanted to stay longer, but Charlie had a noon shift at the coffee shop so they had to go. 

On their way out, Castiel was walking up the front porch steps. He was wearing a t-shirt with a close up of Jack Nicholson’s deranged face on it with the caption: _Here’s Johnny!_

_There he is._

“Castiel!” Charlie said, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Good morning,” Castiel said, hugging her back. 

Charlie held him by the shoulders. “Am I gonna see you later at the coffee shop?”

Castiel shook his head. “Probably not today, but I’ll definitely be there tomorrow.” 

“Why didn’t you tell Dean to come by?” Charlie demanded. “You’re a terrible messenger.”

Castiel widened his eyes. “I completely forgot. I’m sorry.”

Rosa shook her head. “Don’t listen to Charlie. She’s just being overdramatic.”

“Well, he’s making us look bad,” Charlie said. “Dean probably thought we were bad neighbors.”

Dean wanted to jump in to defend Castiel’s honor, but then Rosa dragged Charlie away, so he just waved a hand to them. Then he smiled at Castiel.

Castiel smiled right back, like he was genuinely happy to see him. “So, you finally met Charlie and Rosa.”

“Yes, I did. I like them. They brought me muffins. You want one?”

“I can’t say no to food,” Castiel said, pushing past Dean and making his way inside. Dean trailed behind him.

They sat together on the couch, eating muffins. Dean had the suspicion that Castiel had come this early with the sole intention of checking up on him after yesterday. Dean hadn’t bothered to hide how much his recent argument with Lisa had affected him. It was nice to see how much Castiel cared, not wanting to leave Dean alone with his thoughts too long. 

“I was wondering if you and Ben wanted to come swim in my pool today,” Castiel said.

“You know, that does sound fun.”

“Where’s Ben? Is he still sleeping?”

Dean nodded. “Lisa didn’t get home until after midnight last night, so he went to bed really late. I think she was trying to avoid talking to me. I don’t blame her.”

Castiel frowned. “What if talking was more productive than avoiding the topic?”

“Cas, when Lisa and I talk, we just end up saying hurtful things to each other. And that leads to more resentment, and that leads to more arguments.”

Castiel hesitated before he got out what he was trying to say. “Have you ever considered—I don’t know—couple’s therapy?”

Dean scoffed, crossing his arms. What the hell? Why on earth would Dean and Lisa go to therapy? They weren’t that type of snobby rich couple who spent thousands on therapy where all they would do was argue with each other some more. They already did that at home and it was free. “Hell no. We’re not doing that.”

“Dean—” Castiel tried. 

“No, Cas. It’s not happening.”

Castiel slumped his shoulders. “Alright.”

“Look, Lisa and I will be fine. We’ll get through this. We’re just going through a bit of a rough patch. Happens to the best couples.”

Castiel pursed his lips in that thoughtful way of his. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. I just want you to be happy, Dean. I hate seeing you this way.”

Dean put on his best fake smile. “I’m happy. Seriously. You have nothing to worry about.”

Castiel looked at him for a long moment. But then he looked away. He wasn’t buying it, but he was kind enough not to point it out. “I’m going to head home, but I’ll see you and Ben soon, right? I have floaties and noodles and beach balls. It’ll be fun.”

Dean knew Ben would enjoy it, at least. “Sure, we’ll be there soon. And Cas? Thanks for being a good friend.”

Castiel smiled. “You make it easy for me.”

After Ben woke up and ate breakfast, and a muffin, Dean got both of their swimming trunks on them before heading over to the Novaks. Dean was about to ring the doorbell when the door opened. Amelia stood there, smiling at them both. 

“Come on in,” she said, leading them inside. 

“Hi, Dandy,” Ben said as soon as he spotted her in the kitchen. “Can she come swim with us, Amelia?”

Amelia nodded. “Sure she can. Dandy loves swimming.”

Ben’s face lit up. “I get to swim with Dandy, Dad!”

Dean grinned and messed up Ben’s hair. “Yeah, I heard. But remember you still can’t swim very well, Ben. You’ll have to hold onto me or a floatie.”

“I want to swim,” Ben said with a pout. 

“I know, kiddo. Sometimes it takes a while to learn.”

Amelia perked up at that as she led them to the backyard. Castiel was already doing laps in the wide, circular pool. “Castiel is an excellent swimmer. I’m sure he could teach Ben.”

Ben slipped out of his sandals and removed his t-shirt, clad in his blue swimming trunks. Then he grabbed one of the inflated beach balls on the grass. “Can I get in?”

Dean nodded, already removing his own shoes and t-shirt. He glanced over at Amelia. “Are you coming in with us?”

“In a moment. I’m sketching a design for the mural I want to paint in the nursery. I’m almost finished. If I don’t get it done now it’ll be like a sneeze that couldn’t happen.”

Dean chuckled. What an interesting way to put it. “Alright. We’ll keep the water warm for you.”

Smiling, Amelia rolled her eyes and then turned to walk back inside. 

Castiel had swam over to the side of the pool closer to them, arms over the edge. Water was dripping down his hair onto his face. There was a big, goofy grin on his face. “I’m so glad to see you both! Come on in. Swim with me.”

Ben was eager to get inside, shifting from foot to foot. There was a step ladder leaning against the side of the pool for easy access. But Ben still waited for Dean to give him permission to climb it. 

“Cas, Ben doesn’t really know how to swim. Can you hand me one of those inflatable animals in your pool?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Castiel said. “I got him. I can take care of him.”

Not what Dean had been expecting to hear, but he wasn’t mad about it. Usually Dean didn’t really get to swim whenever he took Lisa and Ben to a waterpark or the apartment pool. Dean was always the one to watch over Ben as Lisa did her laps. The fact that Castiel had volunteered to take over the task was kind of heartwarming. 

“Get in, Ben,” Dean said, staying close in case Ben tripped over one of the steps. But Ben managed to climb all the steps and Castiel had a firm hold of him as Ben jumped into the pool. 

Ben shrieked as the cool water touched him, but then he was full of laughter as Castiel—holding him under the shoulders—spun him around in circles. Ben was delighted by the movement and Dean smiled wide. Yeah, Castiel would be an amazing dad. 

“Dad, get in!” Ben called over to him. 

And how could Dean say no?

Dean climbed the steps and slowly sunk into the water, which was initially cold but then satisfyingly lukewarm. Ben jumped into Dean’s arms from Castiel’s, and Dean caught him just in time. “Be careful, kiddo. Give me a heads up before you do that kinda stuff.”

“I can swim a little,” Ben said, defensively. 

“Look, I know you’re brave, but don’t push it.”

Castiel was watching their interaction with a thoughtful look. “You’re a bit overprotective, Dean.”

Dean shot him a look. “Are you saying I should care less?”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Don’t twist my words. I’m saying, let him live. Sometimes kids want to be a little wild.”

Dean was ready to go off on Castiel because he couldn’t speak from experience. He wasn’t a dad yet. He didn’t know the worries Dean had faced ever since Ben was born a tiny little baby that was so breakable, so fragile in his arms. Ben might be older now, less breakable, but in Dean’s eyes, he was still a baby. Dean had to protect him against every possible danger in the world. And the possibilities of danger were overwhelming. 

Instead Dean relented. Maybe it was the sincerity in Castiel’s blue eyes. Maybe it was the fact that it was obvious Castiel liked Ben, and was just providing his opinion, however aggravating it might have been at first. Or maybe it was just that Dean trusted Castiel.

Dean sighed. “I never really got around to teaching Ben how to swim. I wanted to get him in classes, but that never happened. Then I tried to do it myself a couple of times, but I was too nervous to be of any help.”

Castiel held up his arms, waiting. “Come here, Ben. I can teach you. I’ve got all the time in the world for you, young man.”

Ben laughed again, far more excited than he had been at the prospect of swimming with Dandy. He’d probably forgotten all about Dandy already. She was just laying on the grass by the pool, watching them.

Dean leaned back against the edge of the pool as Castiel held Ben in his arms, first going over the steps they would be taking. It was impossible not to smile. Castiel was so patient with Ben. And Ben seemed overjoyed to be taught by him.

The moment Castiel put Ben, belly down, on his extended arms in the water, Dean was ready to stop the entire thing. But he didn’t. Because, again, he trusted Castiel. He looked so confident in what he was doing and saying. There was no worry in Castiel’s face as he guided Ben from one side of the pool to the other, explaining how to move his arms and legs as he went. 

Dean wondered if his overprotectiveness had been harming Ben. He hoped not. The last thing Dean wanted was to hurt Ben. Even unintentionally. Ben was Dean’s entire life. In fact, Dean couldn’t really imagine his life without Ben anymore. What would be of his days if he came home from work to silence? What would he do if Ben wasn’t rambling on and on about his favorite cartoons or toys or anything else that had grabbed his attention? What would Dean do if Ben wasn’t there to share his smiles and laughter? Dean shuddered just thinking about it. 

A life without Ben was the bleakest thing Dean could ever imagine. 

“Dad, look at me!” Ben said, and Dean widened his eyes when he saw that Ben was swimming now without Castiel’s hands underneath him. 

“Cas!” Dean said, holding his breath. 

But Ben wasn’t drowning. He was actually swimming. Only for a few seconds, because then Castiel had him safely in his arms again. 

“You’re a very quick learner, Ben,” Castiel said. “I’m so proud of you.”

Ben wrapped his arms around Castiel’s neck, hugging him tight.

Castiel had the softest smile when he looked up at Dean during the hug.

Dean smiled back.

Dean could picture Castiel as a dad to Claire. He wondered if Castiel would still believe in the comment he’d made about trying not to be so overprotective. Would Castiel change his mind then?

Apparently the swimming lesson was still not over. Castiel continued teaching Ben, this time how to stay afloat on his back. 

Dean was glad when Amelia finally joined them in the pool and distracted him from all his worrying.

Amelia went to settle beside Dean, watching Castiel and Ben. “Castiel loves children. It’s always been one of my favorite qualities in him. I can’t wait to see him as a dad.”

“Yeah, he’s a natural,” Dean said. 

Amelia turned to Dean. “How have you been, Dean? I know I saw you yesterday, but we didn’t get a chance to really talk before Castiel interrupted us.”

Dean shrugged. He really liked Amelia, but he hadn’t shared overly personal things with her like he had with Castiel. The less people he burdened, the better. “I’ve been good. Nothing new. Ben keeps me busy.”

“And how’s Lisa? I haven’t had a chance to talk to her lately.”

Dean hadn’t either. “Lisa’s fine. She got in late last night, so she didn’t look too happy when she woke up for work this morning.”

Amelia made a face. “I hate early mornings, too. Castiel and I are both night owls.”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, you guys have a lot in common, don’t you?”

“You could say that. Except, he’s always been a much better cook than me. You know, he’s been preparing his recipe for the grill-off later today.”

Dean had almost forgotten. “We’ll have to wait for Lisa to get off work. She said she was coming home later than usual.”

Amelia frowned. “Does she not tend to do that?”

Dean shrugged. “She has a new job, so I don’t really question it.”

“Right.” Amelia looked lost in thought. 

Dean wondered what was on her mind. But he didn’t want to pry. “So, when will we switch cars? I gotta know ahead of time, to get my blood pressure in check.”

Amelia smiled. “Whenever you’d like. I’m not difficult.”

“How about now?”

“Only if you dry up.”

“Not a problem.”

Amelia looked excited. “I’ve been eager to get in your Impala. We can follow each other on the highway. Both of our cars on the same lane would look magnificent.”

Dean was getting ready to get out before he remembered he hadn’t come here alone. “Shit.”

It was like Amelia read his mind. “Castiel will take good care of Ben.”

Dean didn’t doubt that. He just felt strange leaving his kid behind. “Cas? Will you be okay if I leave Ben here with you? Amelia and I are gonna go for a drive.”

Castiel looked amused. “Are you doing the whole car switch thing?”

“Yes, dear,” Amelia said. 

“Both of you, drive safely. I’m looking at you, Ames.”

Amelia sighed. “I know.” She turned to Dean and muttered, “He never lets me drive fast anymore.”

“I heard that,” Castiel said.

Dean laughed, and he followed Amelia back inside the house. She handed him a towel and they went into separate bathrooms to change.

Then, Dean rushed home for his car keys, and he met Amelia on the sidewalk. 

They exchange keys, both with matching grins. Excitement ran through Dean. 

“I’ll lead,” Amelia said as she walked past him to his driveway.

“I’ll follow,” Dean said, almost skipping to the open garage. 

Dean knew he should feel a bit of guilt for the way he had completely dismissed his Impala for the Bel Air, but it was just for one day. No harm done. Baby would understand. 

Dean climbed in, feeling jittery as he started the engine. The engine had a mighty roar that had him grinning like an idiot. He adjusted his mirrors and waited for Amelia to roll out into the street before he put the car into drive. 

Amelia looked amazing in the Impala. She was a natural. She waved at him as she drove past him, and then he followed behind. 

Dean rolled down his windows, letting the air blow his still damp hair. It felt incredible. At a red light, Dean turned on the radio. He found his favorite oldies station, and _Shook Me All Night Long_ blasted from the speakers. The sound was too good for it to be the original stereo from the car. But Dean appreciated the addition. A good ride was never complete without a good soundtrack. 

They hit the highway quickly. True to her word, Amelia followed the speed limit. She drove safely, while still looking badass. Dean couldn’t stop smiling. The Bel Air roared every time he hit the gas, like she was just as eager to be out on the road. 

Dean ran a hand over the dashboard. “God, you’re beautiful.”

Dean followed Amelia. It wasn’t hard to do. At this time, there wasn’t any traffic yet. They were able to stick together. 

Dean had never met someone like Amelia. Someone who loved and appreciated cars as much as he did. Someone who would go for a drive with him, just so they could feel the wind in their faces, just so they could feel the vibration of the car beneath them. 

Dean sighed happily, feeling content in the moment. For once, his mind wasn’t clouded with worries over Ben or even Lisa. All Dean had in mind was the road ahead of him and the Impala guiding his path, just like she always had.

This was just another summer day, but Dean knew he would never forget it. 

**Castiel**

Teaching Ben how to swim had been the most fun Castiel had had in awhile. Ben listened intently and did as he was told without any complaints. He was such a good kid. Castiel was glad to play a role in Ben’s life, however small it may be. And if this was the one thing Castiel could do for that wonderful kid, then he would do it diligently. 

It didn’t take long for Ben to pick up on all of Castiel’s directions. Before their fingers got all pruney, Ben was already swimming freely. He even knew how to stay safely afloat on his back.

Castiel was truly proud of his accomplishments. 

“Did you have fun, Ben?” Castiel asked. 

“Yes, I had a lot of fun!” Ben said, playfully throwing water in Castiel’s direction. 

Castiel laughed as the water hit his face. 

“Thank you for teaching me how to swim, Uncle Cas.”

_Uncle Cas_. Castiel liked the sound of that.

Castiel gave him a wide smile. “You’re very welcome, Ben.”

Since Dean and Amelia were taking way too long to get back from their drive, Castiel suggested they get out of the pool and dry off. Ben agreed, until he remembered Dandy’s presence. 

“I wanted Dandy to swim with us,” Ben said, frowning. 

“You can come swim with Dandy any day you want,” Castiel said. “Summers are long in Oklahoma. You’ll get a lot of chances. Trust me.”

Ben smiled. “Okay!”

After drying off with towels, Ben grabbed his clean clothes he brought with him and went into the bathroom to change without asking for any help. Castiel smiled, feeling pride in that small action. Castiel went into his room to change as well. 

Since they’d been in the pool for so long, Castiel had gotten hungry. So he put a frozen pizza in the oven for a late lunch. 

Ben returned from the bathroom wanting to play with Dandy. Castiel offered Ben one of Dandy’s toys to play fetch with her. Ben was amazed when, after tossing the toy, Dandy ran quickly after it and returned it all slobbered up. But Ben didn’t seem to mind that as he grabbed the toy and threw it again. 

Castiel heard the laughter getting louder before the front door opened, and Dean and Amelia walked in, both with wind-blown hair. Castiel hadn’t noticed before how similar the two of them were. It was no wonder they got along so well. It warmed his heart, seeing his two favorite people together. 

“You guys look like you had a _terrible_ time together,” Castiel said.

Dean laughed. “It was the best drive I’ve ever taken.” 

Amelia grinned. “I could say the same. Your Impala is a dream.”

“I know,” Dean said. “And your Bel Air doesn’t fall behind at all.”

“Dad, I learned how to swim!” Ben said, running up to Dean’s already open arms. 

Dean picked him up and set him down on his hip. “Did you now? So fast?” Dean raised his eyebrows at Castiel. “Seriously?”

Castiel nodded. “I told you, Ben’s a quick learner. I’d like to give him a couple more lessons, just to be safe. But I think he’s got it.”

Dean squished Ben into his chest. He kissed his face until Ben squirmed, trying to get away from him. Dean laughed, putting him back down, and Ben ran right back to play with Dandy again. 

Lisa had said before that Dean had never been good with the “yucky love stuff,” but Castiel didn’t agree with that. Dean was clearly more than comfortable showing his affection for his son. Maybe Dean’s issue had more to do with Lisa than with showing his love in general. Because Dean clearly had a lot of love to give. 

Castiel had been so distracted with his thoughts that he’d hardly noticed when Amelia went into one of their rooms. But he did notice when she returned, holding a sketch in her hands. Castiel knew exactly what she was showing him. She’d been working on it for weeks now, but Castiel hadn’t been allowed a chance to look before. Something unusual for them. 

The sketch was of a beautiful meadow dipped in sunlight. There were purple flowers everywhere, and the end of a rainbow leaping off the page. It was a relaxing sight. Castiel could already picture it covering up the entire wall of Claire’s bedroom. Amelia would bring it to life. 

“What do you think?” Amelia asked, biting her lip, a bit sheepishly. How was it possible that Amelia was still self-conscious about her art when it was something that she did perfectly?

“Ames, I love it. Claire will love it. You’re incredible, you know that?” Castiel took her in his arms, burying his face in her neck. Unwittingly, he relaxed, feeling safe as always in her arms. If he could, he’d stay like this forever. 

When they pulled away, Amelia held his face in her hands. “I can’t wait to meet our Claire.”

“Me too,” Castiel said. Amelia would be four months pregnant next week. Only five more months after that before Amelia made him the happiest man alive. Again.

Castiel searched for Dean as he had left at some point to give them some privacy. That was just like Dean, ever the gentleman. He found him with Ben and Dandy, both taking turns to play fetch with the dog.

Later the four of them ate pizza in the living room, watching _Scooby-Doo_ . Apparently, Ben had never seen _Scooby-Doo_ before, which was, honestly, unacceptable. So Castiel made it his mission to correct that. Ben loved it, of course. Like Castiel knew he would.

It wasn’t until Dean’s phone sounded that anyone looked away from the television. Dean typed something in returned, sighing as he put his phone back into his pocket. 

“Everything okay?” Castiel asked. 

Dean smiled. “Yeah. I don’t think we’ll have the grill-off today, though. Lisa’s going out with some friends from the studio.” 

“That’s alright,” Castiel said, wondering why he didn’t seem more disappointed.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said, genuinely. Maybe he was trying to avoid Lisa as much as she’d been trying to avoid him. 

“Don’t apologize,” Castiel said. 

Amelia looked over. “We could still eat the burgers. Gotta have dinner, don’t we?”

Dean smiled. “You’re right. Might as well.”

“You can teach me how to fire up the grill,” Castiel said. “I’ll do the grilling today.”

“I guess it’s only fair after you taught Ben how to swim.”

“Exactly.”

So, Dean and Castiel left Ben with Amelia—Ben refused to peel his eyes away from _Scooby-Doo—_ and went over to Dean’s backyard to grill the burgers Castiel had preemptively prepared for the competition that was supposed to happen today. 

Dean’s apparent good mood faded the farther they got away from Ben and Amelia. His shoulders became hunched and his slowly became a frown. Castiel didn’t want to pry so he said nothing more on the subject. If Dean wanted to talk about his relationship problems, then he would bring it up.

As Dean went over the instructions of working the grill, Castiel had a fun time teasing him. Dean was taking this way too seriously. Like it was a matter of life or death. But Castiel’s jokes seemed to have the opposite effect of calming Dean down.

“I’m not joking, Cas,” Dean huffed. “This shit has fire and it can burn your house down!”

Castiel nodded, a slight smile crossing his face. “Sorry.”

Dean sighed. “I swear, I gotta look after you all the time now.”

“I can look after myself.”

“Sure you can.” He was being too sarcastic for Castiel’s liking. 

He frowned, becoming serious. “Dean, I’m not a child. I’ve told you before.”

“No, but you’re damned stubborn. It’s all fun and games until a fire starts in your backyard.”

“I said sorry!”

“I heard you,” Dean grumbled. 

“You’re in a bad mood.” Maybe that had been too blunt. He had just told himself he wouldn’t bring up Dean and Lisa, and talking about his bad mood seemed too close to that.

Dean shook his head, almost like he was trying to shake off his irritability. “It’s this whole Lisa thing. I keep waiting for things to get better on their own, but that doesn’t seem to be happening this time.”

“Things don’t usually get better on their own, Dean. You must know that.”

Dean raised a daring eyebrow. “They do in my world. I’m a Winchester. That’s how my life has worked ever since I can remember.”

“Well, lucky for you, you’ve met a Novak. And in my life, we talk things out when something is bothering us. You should talk to Lisa.”

“I don’t wanna talk,” Dean said. “I don’t know if I even wanna hear what she has to say.”

Castiel sighed. He didn’t know what else to say to Dean. How else could he motivate him to open up to Lisa? Dean was keeping things bottled up inside. It couldn’t be healthy. 

He didn’t want to argue with Dean. So he wouldn’t. Castiel pushed all that aside and focused on grilling. 

It wasn’t as complicated as Castiel had imagined, but it was a bit challenging knowing when the burger patties were done. Dean wanted his medium rare, but Castiel liked his well done. But Dean had a good eye for that so he told Castiel when to flip the burgers and when to remove them completely. 

“These burgers better taste good ‘cause I’m fucking hungry,” Dean said. 

Castiel mock gasped. “Don’t you trust me at all?”

“Of course I trust you. But I told you, I’m the Burger King.”

“Please tell me you’ve never used that line on women before.”

Dean blushed faintly. It was endearing. “I don’t know, maybe. In my defense, it _has_ worked. On men, too.”

Castiel was impressed. That line would have never worked for him. “I’m curious now. Tell me about these men you’ve seduced, Mr. Burger King.”

Dean chewed off a grin, looking a lot calmer than before. Teaching Castiel how to grill seemed to have lifted his spirits. “Adding the Mr. on the front kind of ruins the effect. Anyway, what do you want to know? I kind of have a long sexual history, but a shorter history when it comes to committed relationships.”

“You were into one night stands?” Castiel wondered. Somehow, that didn’t fit the image he had in his head of Dean, The Family Man. 

“Yeah,” Dean said, looking slightly embarrassed by the admittance. He shifted uncomfortably for a moment. “I guess I thought that maybe I wasn’t relationship material. It sounds stupid, I know. But Lisa had just dumped me because she thought I was a bad boyfriend. And—I don’t know—I found comfort in not giving a fuck about the people I slept with. It was easy. No strings attached.”

“I think I’ve always been the exact opposite,” Castiel said. “I’ve always wanted full commitment with everyone I’ve been with.”

Dean flicked his gaze back to Castiel’s, giving him a crooked smile. “Yeah, I kinda figured that.”

Wanting to get back to the topic of the history of Dean’s love life, he prompted him, “But you’re with Lisa now, and you have a son together. Something must have changed along the way.”

Dean hesitated before he spoke again. “I dated Lisa all through high school, but we broke up our senior year. No—that’s not true. _She_ broke up with me.” The bitterness in his voice startled Castiel. Why would it still be there?

“And that’s where the one night stands started?”

Dean looked away again. “You could say that. A few years later, I met Aaron at a college party for a college I never attended.”

“What were you doing there?”

“College kids throw awesome parties,” Dean said, like it was a universally known fact. “I kinda made it a habit to crash them whenever I was looking for a hookup. But things with Aaron got a little serious. The guy was nice, you know? He was good to me. We dated for a couple of years.” Dean frowned. “We ended things when he wanted to start a family with me, and I told him I wasn’t ready.”

Castiel widened his eyes. “I can’t imagine you saying that. You slipped very easily into the family lifestyle.”

“Yeah, but that was a different time. I was twenty-three. There were a million things I’d rather do than start a family with him, no matter how much I liked him.” Dean shook his head. “I was terrified at the thought of settling down. It felt more like I was just...settling.”

“I’m glad you didn’t settle.”

Dean nodded. “Then, two years later, Lisa called me up to tell me she was pregnant with Ben. It was a whole other story with Lisa. I didn’t hesitate. I said yes. A hundred times yes. For Lisa, I would do anything.”

“How come it was so different with her?”

Dean looked into Castiel’s eyes for a quiet moment. “Lisa was there for me when I felt lost and alone. And I realized that Lisa was feeling the same way then. It was the right thing to do.”

Castiel hated to think this, but Dean choosing to be there for Lisa when she was pregnant due to some form of obligation he felt sounded a whole lot like settling as well.

“It’s admirable how much you’re willing to sacrifice to be there for others,” Castiel said. “But you should also think of yourself.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Dean said, like the very thought of putting himself first was too extreme to even consider. “I don’t regret my choices, Cas. I was Lisa’s safety net. She needed me to fall back on. I knew that, and I didn’t care. I still don’t. Because this is the only way I can be with her and Ben.”

Dean said he didn’t care, but his eyes spoke of the hurt he felt so deeply. Dean thought he had been Lisa’s safety net. Nothing more than a helping hand during her struggle. Dean thought Lisa had used him from the beginning. That she still didn’t really love him. How could he stand that type of pain? How could he bear it?

In a way, Castiel ached for Dean. It was heartbreaking seeing him this low, and being unable to do anything to help him. Castiel wished he could make it all go away. But he couldn’t. All Castiel had to offer Dean was his friendship. 

Castiel placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I know I’ve only known you a short amount of time, but I think you’re a really wonderful person. I want you to know that you can always count on me for anything.”

Dean looked at the ground, sheepishly. “That goes both ways.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel’s stomach growled in protest at the smell of the burgers. He motioned to them. “Are we done with this? I’m hungry.”

“Yeah, let’s go try your damned burgers.”

Castiel grinned proudly when Dean, having tasted one of his burgers, declared him the new Burger King. 

“I’ve dethroned you!” Castiel cheered.

“Yeah, you did,” Dean said. “Use your power for good, my friend. Don’t let it get to your head.”

Amelia looked between them, confused. 

“Dean has crowned me the new Burger King, which is a stupid title he gave himself,” Castiel explained. “My burgers are clearly superior.”

“Or I’m just really hungry,” Dean said, taking another mouthful.

“No way,” Castiel said. “You’re not taking back my title. I earned it fair and square.”

“Calm down, Mr. Burger King.” Dean smirked, his cheeks puffed up like a squirrel’s.

Amelia chuckled. “Both of you are dorks.”

“Thank you,” Dean said, and then turned to wink at Castiel.

Not bad for Castiel’s first grill-off. 

**Dean**

It was 6:00 am on a Wednesday but Dean still found himself calling Castiel on the phone. 

“You’re lucky I’m still up,” Castiel said in greeting.

Dean grinned at the sound of Castiel’s gravelly voice, leaning against the kitchen counter as he waited for the coffee to finish brewing. “How is that possible? It’s morning.”

Castiel yawned. “I wrote all night. Coffee kept me company.”

Dean rolled his eyes, even though Castiel couldn’t see it. “I was thinking about doing something tonight. Like bowling.”

“You want to go bowling?” Castiel asked in disbelief. 

“Yeah, why not?” Dean poured coffee into a Michigan mug. “I brought it up with Lisa last night and she thought it was a good idea.”

“I take it this means that you and Lisa are on good terms again?”

Dean bit his lip, thinking back on the previous night. “Oh, we’re on great terms. She said she wanted to do something with you guys because she felt bad about missing our grill-off last Saturday.”

“Hmm,” Castiel said. Dean could almost hear the frown in his hum.

“What is it?”

“Were you able to have open communication with Lisa then?”

Dean leaned on the kitchen island this time. “Who do you think I am? No, we didn’t talk. But we did communicate in a much more physical sense.” 

Last night had been amazing. Dean hadn’t had sex with Lisa in so long, he’d lost track. There were always reasons for it. The move had been a big one. But after they put Ben to bed, Lisa had been all over Dean. It had been completely unexpected since they hadn’t really talked for days, but the sex had solved all of their problems. 

So naturally they were perfectly okay again. Back to normal.

Castiel groaned on the other side of the line. “Dean, having sex to fix your relationship problems is one of the most unhealthy solutions available. You can’t seriously believe all those things you told me will just disappear with an orgasm.”

Why the hell was Castiel trying to pop Dean’s happy bubble? Dean was not going to let that happen. Dean and Lisa were finally okay. Maybe in Castiel’s perfect world couples didn’t fix their problems with sex, but in Dean’s world they did. And Dean lived in a more realistic world while Castiel was deep into his fantasy novels. 

“Cas, you’re not my counselor,” Dean said. “Just trust me when I say Lisa and I are as good as ever.”

Castiel was silent for a moment. It went on so long that Dean had to check he hadn’t hung up. “What time do you want to go bowling?”

Dean smiled. “Around 7:00 pm.”

“Alright. I’ll let Amelia know. I’m sure she’ll be glad to see Lisa again.”

“Awesome. I’ll see you guys tonight.”

The rest of the day went by slowly. Dean was anxious to get home and see Lisa again. See that smile on her face when she saw him, the way she used to smile at him before their last fight. Dean wanted to reassure himself of what he’d told Castiel that morning, that he and Lisa were back to normal. That their relationship was saved yet again. 

Dean wasn’t sure why Castiel’s comment got under his skin so badly. And anyway, what did Castiel know? So what if Dean and Lisa didn’t talk things out? They connected in other ways. Not every couple needed verbal communication.

Dean refused to let Castiel sour his good mood. He went to work, whistling along to the Ramones as he drove. At the garage, he got a few weird looks from his coworkers. Had Dean been so obvious about what had been going on with Lisa?

Even Bobby looked at Dean like he’d grown an extra leg. 

“Stop staring at me, Bobby,” Dean grunted, getting up from his place underneath the hood of a Honda. 

“What the hell happened to you?” Bobby asked, tossing an old rag over his shoulder.

“Nothing happened, alright? I’m just having a good day is all.”

Bobby squinted his eyes, adjusting his old, greasy cap. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he dropped the subject. 

Dean remembered something and stopped Bobby from walking away. “Bobby, hang on. I was meaning to ask, do you still do carpentry jobs on the side?”

“Who’s asking?”

“Me,” Dean said, like it was obvious.

“What do you need done?”

Dean smiled. “My neighbors are having a baby girl in November. I wanna build her a crib. I thought you might help me. You know I only know the very basics. I’ll pay you, of course.”

Bobby raised his eyebrows. “You wanna build a crib for your neighbors? Is it these Novaks you won’t shut up about?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, them. So, what do you say?”

Bobby crossed his arms. “I guess I could help. I’ve built a couple of cribs before. Not so difficult. You’ll have to buy the wood, but I can help haul it in my truck.”

Dean nodded. He would make sure Claire had the best crib his hands could make. He’d polish and paint it himself, too. Dean didn’t know the baby girl yet, but he already knew he’d love her. “Awesome. Oh, and could we work somewhere other than my house? I don’t want them to know what I’m doing. It’s gonna be a surprise.”

Bobby grunted. “My place will be fine.”

“Thanks, Bobby. I owe you one.”

“Oh, you’re gonna owe me alright.”

Dean clapped his shoulder. “You’re the best.”

Bobby turned and continued walking away. Dean was glad to get to spend more time with Bobby outside of the forty hours he spent with him every week at work. And even though Bobby didn’t show it, Dean knew the sentiment was mutual. 

Dean had always loved Bobby. Growing up, Dean and Sam had often stayed at Bobby’s place for days, sometimes weeks at a time. While John had been irresponsible and neglectful, Bobby had been caring and kind. Bobby had never been very touchy feeling, but his love for Dean and Sam had been much more obvious than John’s. Even before John died five years ago, Bobby had been a much better father figure to Dean and Sam. 

And he still was.

When Dean got home from work, he found Lisa and Ben playing with his Legos on the living room floor. 

Lisa looked up at him with a smile, and Dean was relieved to find that, yes, they were still on good terms. 

“Hi, Dad,” Ben said, without looking up from his Legos.

“Hi, kiddo,” Dean said. “What are you guys building?”

“A castle,” Ben said. 

Lisa reached up her arm and it took Dean a second to realize that she was calling out to him. Dean felt grimy with grease from the cars he’d worked on all day, but he moved closer to her until she grabbed his arm and pulled him down for a long kiss. 

Dean felt his heart race. He’d missed this. He’d missed Lisa. Why had they wasted so much time fighting? 

“Welcome home,” Lisa said before releasing him. 

Dean straightened his legs. “Thanks. I’m gonna hop in the shower. I hope you guys are ready for bowling night.”

Ben finally looked up. “Is Dandy coming bowling with us?”

Dean smiled. Of course Ben would want that dog around on bowling night. “I don’t think they allow dogs inside, Ben. But we can see Dandy any other time.”

“Okay,” Ben said, easily. He never questioned what Dean said. He just trusted him completely. It never ceased to amaze him. 

After his shower, Dean got dressed, combed his hair, and texted Castiel. 

_You wanna meet at the bowling alley or drive together?_

Castiel replied within seconds. 

_Amelia says she’d like to ride with you guys in your infamous Impala. I still don’t get the allure._

Dean laughed. 

_That’s cause ur not as awesome as her_

Dean found Lisa and Ben by the door. Ben was bent over, tying his shoes on his own. He managed to do it without an issue this time. 

“Way to go, kiddo!” Dean said.

Ben smiled up at him. “I did it just like you taught me, Dad.”

“Yes, you did,” Dean said, proudly. “‘Cause you’re so damned smart.”

Lisa brushed back Ben’s dark hair. “Ben was telling me that his Uncle Cas taught him how to swim.”

Dean smiled. Ben had started calling Castiel “Uncle Cas,” and if that wasn’t the cutest thing, he didn’t know what was. “Oh, yeah, Cas gave him a lesson. He picked up on it fast.”

“I’ll have to thank his Uncle Cas,” Lisa said. 

They walked out together, and Dean locked the door behind him.

Castiel and Amelia were already waiting by the Impala. 

“Hi, Uncle Cas,” Ben said, running up to hug him around his waist. 

Castiel gaped, looking pleasantly surprised by the action. And then he hugged him back. “Hi, sweet boy.”

Dean smiled. He liked seeing how close the two of them had become in a short amount of time.

“Hi, Aunt Amelia,” Ben said, going over to hug her next. 

Amelia chuckled, hugging him. “Hello, Ben. Are you ready for tonight?”

Ben nodded. “Yes, I’m ready. Dad says I’m gonna be on the winning team.”

“I’m sure you will. Castiel and I are very out of practice.”

“Okay,” Ben said, like it was a done deal. 

God, Dean adored that kid. 

“Castiel, I wanted to thank you for teaching Ben how to swim,” Lisa said. “He’s been so thrilled about it.”

Castiel smiled. “It was my pleasure. I got to spend some quality time with him.”

All of them moved towards the Impala, waiting while Dean unlocked the doors.

“Amelia has shotgun,” Dean said, and then turned to Lisa. “Sorry, hon. But she let me drive her Bel Air.”

Lisa waved a hand. “Oh, I don’t care. I’ll sit with Castiel and Ben in the back. We can talk about you two comfortably.”

“Alright then,” Dean said, climbing inside. 

They rode with the windows rolled down to feel that precious wind on their faces, and the oldies station at a low volume so Dean could talk to Amelia. Apparently, she’d been making progress on the mural in the nursery. She was always so genuinely thrilled to talk about her future baby that it was endearing to witness. 

Dean knew that Amelia and Castiel would be amazing parents. They worked well together already. With Claire, they would be invincible. Dean couldn’t wait to see them in action. It occurred to him that he would be Claire’s Uncle Dean. Why not? If Castiel was Ben’s Uncle Cas, then Dean could be Claire’s Uncle Dean. Dean had always wanted to be an uncle. But Sam and Jess were taking their sweet time. Not that Dean blamed them. They were both loaded with work. 

When they made it to the bowling alley, Ben rushed to pick and lane. Lisa and Amelia followed after him. Dean and Castiel exchanged a glance.

“Let’s go get the shoes,” Dean said.

Castiel nodded, walking beside him. He’d been unusually quiet today. They usually stayed in contact throughout the day. Mostly through text, although sometimes Dean called Castiel during his lunch just so he didn’t eat alone. The silence was a little strange, but Dean had tried not to let it get to him. 

“You get any writing done today?” Dean asked.

“Yeah,” Castiel said, reaching for his wallet to pay.

Dean stopped him, lowering his wrist. “I invited you. I’ll pay.”

Castiel opened his mouth, ready to argue, but then closed it again. That was a lot strange. Since when did Castiel keep things to himself?

After paying and grabbing their shoes with all the correct sizes, Dean kept Castiel from walking away with his two pairs of shoes. 

“Hey, Cas, wait up.”

Castiel glanced up at him, raising an eyebrow. Again, he said nothing.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” Dean surprised himself by the bluntness of his question, but it had just come out.

“No,” Castiel said, quickly. “Why would I be mad?”

Dean shrugged. “You seem a little off. I didn’t really hear from you today after our call this morning.”

Castiel sighed, breaking their eye contact to look at the people bowling. “I’m just trying to not be your counselor, Dean. You asked me to keep my opinions to myself. It’s what I’m doing.”

_That_ had bothered Castiel? Dean couldn’t imagine why. He hadn’t meant it in a bad way. 

“I don’t want you to keep things to yourself,” Dean said. It was the truth. “I want you to talk to me. Hell, be my counselor. I don’t give a fuck anymore. I just don’t want things to be weird between us now that things are okay between me and Lisa.”

Castiel met Dean’s gaze again, and he gave him a soft smile. “Things won’t be weird between us. Come on. Let’s go bowl.”

Dean smiled, walking beside him. “Too bad you’re rusty at bowling. I was looking forward to beating you fair and square.”

Castiel laughed. “I’m not rusty at bowling. I’m an amazing bowler. But I’m not going to let Ben lose this game. Otherwise, I’d kick your ass, Winchester. Don’t you doubt it.”

Ben ran up to them when they reached their lane. “Are these my shoes? I’m gonna tie them myself. Dad, can I get a soda? Mom says I’m not allowed to have a soda.”

Dean handed Ben his shoes and then glanced at Lisa, who was sending Dean a warning glance. This was a crucial decision Dean would have to make. If he wanted to keep things good with Lisa, then he’d have to side with her on this. No more going over her head just to make Ben happy. 

Well, at least not tonight.

Dean looked back at Ben, and with all the pain in his heart, he said, “No, Ben, you can’t have a soda. If mom says no, then it’s a no from me, too.”

Ben pouted his lip. “Can I have a juice then?”

Juice was definitely not the same thing as a soda. “Uh, okay. Yeah, I’ll get you a juice.”

That got a big smile from Ben. “Thanks, Dad. I’ll go tie my shoes now. I wanna go first, okay?”

Dean nodded. “Okay.” When he turned to Lisa again, she was smiling at him, too. Dean had said the right thing.

They all changed into their rented bowling shoes. And then, it was time to play.

Ben wanted to go first, and no one protested. An employee lifted the bumpers used for kids and Ben rolled the small bowling ball. He almost lost his balance and toppled over, but he held his ground and stayed on his feet. That kid might have been small but he was mighty. 

Four pins were knocked down, and Ben cheered like he’d hit a strike. 

In turn, everyone cheered exactly as if Ben _had_ hit a strike. 

On Ben’s second try, he knocked two other pins, and he cheered again. Then he gave everyone a high five, taking a seat beside Dean. 

“Good job,” Dean said, messing up his hair. 

“I hit six pins, Dad,” Ben said, amazed.

“You hit six big ol’ pins, kiddos. It was awesome. You’re the best player among us.”

“I know,” Ben said. “I’m gonna help us win.”

“Of course you will. You’re our lucky charm.”

Lisa placed a hand on Dean’s leg and kissed his cheek. 

Dean froze. Kissing Lisa in public had always felt strange. It had never felt appropriate. Better yet, it had never felt right.. But he didn’t know exactly why. Castiel and Amelia never seemed to care who saw them kissing or hugging or just plain touching. Why did public displays of affection with Lisa make Dean so uncomfortable? 

But Dean hoped Lisa hadn’t noticed. They were doing so well. He was determined not to ruin their good streak. So Dean threw a hand over her shoulders and kept it there. 

Lisa leaned in to whisper in his ear, “I hope we get to go home early tonight. I want to have you all to myself.”

Her breath tickled and Dean laughed. “Sounds good to me.” Dean had been so distracted that he hadn’t realized it was his turn until Castiel called their attention. “What?”

“Your turn,” Castiel said, mildly annoyed.

“Oh,” Dean said, looking at Lisa. “You or me?”

Lisa grinned, this time kissing Dean’s lips. She wiped some of her lipstick off of him before she said, “Me.”

Dean widened his eyes as he watched her walk away. He didn’t know what had changed in her, or why she was acting this way, but it had to be a good thing. Right?

He was still staring at Lisa when he felt Castiel beside him. Ben had moved over to sit with Amelia, who had ordered nachos and was sharing with him. Ben had already gone through his juice.

“Do you and Lisa need to sneak off to the bathroom for a quick release?” Castiel asked, eyes narrowed. 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Shut up.” But then he said, “She’s acting different, isn’t she?”

“Very different,” Castiel agreed. “I thought you weren’t into the _yucky love stuff_.”

“She was the one groping me,” Dean said, defensively. Of course he wasn’t into displaying these things in front of an audience. But he wouldn’t dare put a stop to it. Not when things were finally looking up in his relationship.

“Do you want my opinion?” Castiel asked. “Never mind. I’m going to provide it, anyway. I think she’s overcompensating.”

“What?” Dean tore his eyes away from her to look at Castiel, whose blue eyes were closer than ever. 

“Clearly, you two have unresolved issues, which haven’t even come close to being fixed. You’ve only managed to connect with sex, therefore only shoving your problems under your mattress. So, Lisa is overcompensating with physical intimacy since it’s all that exists between you at the moment.”

Was Castiel secretly a therapist? How the hell did he come up with this long-winded analysis? Could he be right? Was Lisa just overcompensating? 

“ _If_ what you’re saying is true,” Dean said, slowly. “Are you saying it’s a bad thing? Maybe what we need is this overcompensation while we figure out the rest.”

Castiel shrugged, looking away. “That depends.”

“On what?”

“On what you want out of your relationship.”

Dean groaned. “You’re getting in my head.”

“You don’t have to listen to me. I just don’t know how to keep my mouth shut.”

Dean smiled. “That much has always been obvious.”

Lisa was coming back to her seat, so Castiel wagged his eyebrows at Dean before he went back to his own seat. Dean smiled faintly as Amelia took her turn, wondering what the hell he was going to do about Lisa.

  
  


**Castiel**

The weeks passed with the same routine. Most of Castiel’s days were spent writing at Coffee Coffee Coffee or in his home office when he was too lazy to make the drive. Amelia switched from working on the mural in the nursery to painting on canvas in the back porch. Dean would come over on Friday evenings to watch _Dr. Sexy_ , and sometimes they would have a beer on the back porch afterwards. Dean would also come over during the week after work, just to talk with either Castiel or Amelia. Sometimes he would come alone and sometimes he would bring Ben with him, but Lisa didn’t come during the week. On weekends, Castiel and Amelia swam in the pool, and Dean, Lisa, and Ben would join them. This summer was hotter than usual, so swimming had become one of their favorite activities.

Today was Friday. Castiel and Amelia had spent most of the day trying out an old family meatloaf recipe for Charlie and Rosa’s famous yearly potluck cookout that was happening the next day. It looked good, but no one had tasted it yet. Amelia was certain that her old grandmother’s recipe would have everyone licking their fingers. Castiel hoped that wasn’t the case because that was very unsanitary. Now Castiel was waiting for Dean to put on _Dr. Sexy_ and laugh all the way through—Castiel did the laughing, Dean took the show very seriously. 

Amelia was in the nursery, going over the details of a small flower in the meadow. She was a perfectionist when it came to her art. She had a cute crease in between her eyebrows as her thinnest brush went over the highlights from the sun. Castiel had been standing on the doorway for a few minutes, admiring her determination to get the flower just right. Amelia was the most fascinating person Castiel had ever met. It was one of the many reasons he’d fallen in love with her.

“I know you’re staring at me,” Amelia muttered without looking away from what she was painting.

“It looks beautiful, Ames.”

“Thank you.” Amelia turned to look at him, and she again had a few splotches of paint on her face. It was impossible for her to paint without getting some on her face. Yet another thing he loved about her.

“Do you need a drink or a snack?” Castiel asked. “You’ve been working on this for hours.”

Amelia sighed. “No, I have water with me. I’m going to try to finish some details before I’m done for the day. I’ll be fine. All the windows are open, and I have the fan on, so you don’t have to worry about the paint fumes.” She knew him so well.

Castiel grinned. “Alright. Dean should be here any minute.”

“Have fun.”

But when Castiel walked down the hallway to the living room, he heard noise coming from the kitchen. If he lived anywhere else, Castiel would have already pulled out his phone and dialed 911 as he hid from the intruder. However, Castiel lived right next door to one Dean Winchester, who let himself into Castiel’s house like he owned it. Not that Castiel minded. If he did, he would have told Dean to stop doing it after the first occurrence.

Castiel found Dean at the fridge, holding a tub of cookies and cream ice cream like he’d found a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Dean let out a victorious, “Hell yes,” as he shut the door. Dandy was standing by Dean’s legs, looking up at him expectantly. She thought he was going to give her a treat from the fridge. 

“Knock much?” Castiel said, walking closer to him.

“Hey,” Dean said, opening a cabinet. “You want some ice cream?”

Castiel smiled. “Yes, please. There’s whipped cream, too.”

Dean’s face lit up. “Awesome.”

Castiel sat at the kitchen island while Dean filled two bowls full of ice cream and topped them off with whipped cream. Ever since they’d all gone bowling, Dean had been in a remarkable good mood. Castiel knew that it was only because Dean had stopped fighting with Lisa, and they had gone back to having sex on a regular basis rather than talking out their issues. It was very unhealthy, but Castiel had gotten tired of trying to get Dean to talk things out with his girlfriend.

“How was your day today?” Dean asked as he shook the Reddi-wip can.

Castiel hummed. “I wrote about 3,000 words in my book, then I took Dandy to the park, then Amelia and I cooked a big meatloaf for the potluck tomorrow, and now I’m here, with you stealing my food yet again. So, nothing new.”

“I’m glad you told me that meatloaf is for tomorrow because I was so tempted to eat it.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you dare eat that meatloaf. I had to work from an old ass recipe that was very difficult to read and I am _not_ wasting more of my time making another one.”

“Relax, I didn’t eat any of it. Jeez. And I don’t steal your food. I just borrow it. You eat a lot of my food, too, and you know it.”

That was true. Castiel did eat Dean’s food as much as Dean ate his. It wasn’t like Castiel had been serious about his accusations. Castiel liked having Dean around all the time because he had a comforting presence. It was just that sometimes Castiel liked to argue with Dean for the fun of it. “You can’t borrow food. That’s impossible.”

“You know what I meant.” Dean pushed one of the bowls to Castiel, digging a spoon in the ice cream. “Now eat your damn ice cream and let’s go watch my favorite show.”

Castiel followed Dean to his couch, and let the other man flip to the right channel. It was when Dean put his boots into Castiel’s nice coffee table that he had to speak up.

“Feet off the table.”

“Aw, come on,” Dean whined.

Castiel didn’t say anything as he continued eating ice cream.

“You’re one of those boring adults, you know that?” Dean said, keeping his feet on the table.

“I’m not boring.”

“Yes, you are. You have all these routines in your life. You never break out of them. Have you ever done anything spontaneous, Cas? Ever?”

Castiel scoffed. But then, he had to think about it. Had he ever been spontaneous? Castiel always thought things through. It was rare when he decided to do something randomly and actually did it. Usually, Amelia was the one who suggested new things for him to do. It had been her idea that they go over to introduce themselves to their new neighbors.

“I’m not boring,” Castiel repeated, ignoring the question. “And your feet are still on the table.”

“Then break a rule,” Dean said, leaning incredibly close to Castiel. His face was only a few inches away. “Just one.”

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m not going to do that.”

“See? Boring.”

Castiel glared at him. Then, he put his own feet on the table. “Who’s boring now?”

Dean grinned. “Welcome to the dark side.”

Castiel pushed Dean’s smug face away from him. “Shut up.”

“I knew you’d break.”

“Do you really think I’m boring?”

Dean chuckled. “No, man, I don’t think you’re boring. If you were boring, I wouldn’t be here right now. You’re the opposite of boring. You’re this weird little guy who always says and does things that surprise me.”

“I’m not little.”

“You kinda are.”

Castiel shoved Dean’s smug face away again because it had returned. “Come on, let’s watch your cowboy doctor show.”

They watched the show in comfortable silence, only talking during commercials. Dean was always heavily invested in the show and would shush Castiel if he interrupted the poorly scripted dialogue. But during commercials, Dean would gush over every character and scene. Castiel liked how much Dean cared about those fictional characters. As a writer, Castiel knew the feeling.

When the show was over, they grabbed a couple of beers and went to sit in the backyard by the pool. It was a hot night, and the sky was full of stars. Crickets hidden in the grass chirped to each other, but other than that it was a quiet night. A calm night.

“I caught up with the last pages you sent me,” Dean said in an unusually wary tone.

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “What did you think?”

“I don’t know if you’re gonna like this,” Dean said. 

_Oh no_. Castiel had tough skin when it came to mostly everything in life, but when it had to do with his unfinished manuscripts, he was a little bit more vulnerable. His published books were already out in the world, and it would be impossible to correct whatever was wrong with them. And people had found things wrong with them, like plot holes and small typos. But it was natural for books to have mistakes, and Castiel had learned not to dwell on them. However, when it came to the books he was currently working on, harsh criticism could slow his writing process down. If he started second guessing himself too much, he might even just trash the entire draft and start over. But Dean didn’t know this about him, and Castiel didn’t want to deter him from sharing his honest opinion.

So Castiel said, “Try me.”

“Okay.” Dean cleared his throat, eyes focused on peeling the label off the beer bottle. There was a soft, maybe shy smile on his lips. Dean was hardly ever shy. The dread in Castiel’s stomach grew. “I think the angel in your story might be kinda, sorta, probably...gay.”

“Gay?” Castiel asked. Of all the things Castiel had imagined Dean would say, that had been the furthest from his mind. It wasn’t something Castiel had ever considered. “Why do you say that?”

“You know that man the angel is always following?” Dean began.

Castiel nodded. The man Dean was referring to also had no name, just as the angel. They were The Angel and The Man. “Yes?”

“Well, the angel watches him all the time. Raking leaves, mowing the lawn, cooking dinner, working out. The angel says he’s doing it all to learn human behavior and mannerism, but if that was the case, he’d probably be following around a lot more people. But he’s only focused on this one man, in the entire world. I know you’re straight as a ruler, but I’m not. So, maybe in your eyes that doesn’t seem as gay as it does to me.”

Now that Dean put it this way, what he’d said made a lot of sense. The angel had been too deeply drawn to the man in question. Castiel wasn’t sure why that was because his character was calling all the shots. But Dean’s theory was entirely plausible. Perhaps, the angel was feeling himself attracted to the man in more ways than he’d originally thought.

“That makes a lot of sense, Dean.”

Dean looked surprised to hear this. “Really? You’re not, like, mad at me for saying that?”

“Why in the world would I be mad?”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know. Straight people can be weird about gay stuff.”

It was a little sad knowing that people in Dean’s life had been so cruel about LGBT+ topics. Castiel had never been that way. Growing up, his family hadn’t been the best. His mother had definitely been against anyone who didn’t follow her conservative views. But Castiel had never gotten along with his family, for this and many other reasons. Besides, Castiel had always been open to the possibility of falling for the opposite gender. Or any gender, because he’d learned later that there were many. It just so happened that he’d only fallen for women, so he’d never had reason to believe he was anything but straight. Therefore, Dean believed Castiel was straight, too. Castiel wondered if the fact that he’d written a character so interested in another man had anything to do with some part of his sexuality. Not that it really mattered, anyway. He was happily married, so it was a moot point.

“Well, I would never be weird about gay stuff with you, Dean. You can trust me.”

Dean grinned. “Anyway, if the angel and the man ever get together, I think that’d be really cool.”

“Yeah?” Castiel hadn’t thought about it before, but maybe he’d explore that in the future. Romance had always been a challenge to tackle in his books. If it existed in his books, it was in subplots only rather than the main focus.

“Yeah. They’d probably get along. They’re both really strong and kinda stubborn.”

Castiel chuckled. “I could see them getting along very well as a couple actually.”

Dean raised his beer. “To The Angel and The Man.”

“To gay love.”

Dean laughed. “You’re awesome, man.”

Castiel smiled down at his beer. “Thanks. So are you.”

“That’s why we’re friends.” Dean yawned. “I should head back. We got a big day tomorrow. I can’t wait to eat all the pies I baked today.”

“Something to look forward to.”

Castiel walked Dean to the front door, taking his empty beer bottle from his hands.

Dean stepped onto the porch, and turned around. “Oh, I can’t believe I forgot to tell you. Sam’s coming to the potluck tomorrow.”

“Your brother?”

“The only Sam I know, yeah. You’ll get a chance to finally meet. He’s bringing a salad. Can you believe that?”

“That’s great. I’m thrilled to meet him. Will Jess be coming, too?”

“Yeah. They can only stay for a couple of hours, but at least they’re coming.”

Castiel was excited to get to meet Dean’s family. He’d met Bobby before, but only in passing. Dean had talked a bit about Bobby, but it had always been vague. Castiel wondered about Dean’s past and that deadbeat dad he’d claimed to have. But Castiel hadn’t pried. Dean would share when he was ready.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Dean said. “Tell Amelia—”

“You said goodbye. I know the drill.”

Dean smiled and waved, fading into the night.

**Dean**

Dean wiped the sweat from his forehead with an old bandana. Bobby’s garage was scorching hot, especially on this Saturday morning. They’d been working on Claire’s crib since before sunrise, but Dean was ready to call it quits for the day. He still had to get ready for the potluck later on.

Bobby returned from the kitchen with two cold water bottles and handed one to Dean before he took a seat on an old wooden chair. Dean slumped down onto a matching chairm, releasing a long, tired sigh. “Carpentry ain’t no joke, huh?”

Dean snorted. “No, it isn’t.” Then he gulped down half of the water bottle at once.

Bobby chuckled, sipping his water. “I don’t get why you suddenly wanted to build a crib instead of just buying one already built. But I _am_ glad you came to me for help instead of just taking on the task yourself. There’s a lot of safety measures and regulations that come along with building a crib.”

“It’s more special this way,” Dean said. It was true. He wanted Claire to have something handmade by him. Something sturdy that would last her. Even if it got tossed away when she got too old for it. Dean liked the thought of building Claire something special. He couldn’t paint like Amelia or write like Castiel, but he could do _this_. 

“Those Novaks, they’re becoming like family to you, aren’t they?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah, they’re already family, Bobby.” That was true as well. Castiel and Amelia and even Claire, who he still hadn’t met, were practically family to Dean. He couldn’t envision his life without them anymore. They just fit so naturally in his life, and he hoped they felt the same way about him.

“It’s good, to meet people like that. Good people.”

Dean nodded, swallowing another big gulp of water. “I noticed Ellen left you a note on the fridge. What’s that about?”

Bobby grunted, but the tips of his ears turned pink. Dean would have to be blind to not have noticed that Bobby had a huge thing for Ellen, the owner of the Roadhouse. Dean hadn’t been to the bar yet, but Bobby went there often and he’d gotten pretty friendly with Ellen. Dean had run into her plenty of times whenever he was at Bobby’s house or even at work when Ellen would swing by to bring Bobby lunch. Something _had_ to be happening between them, but it would take a miracle to get Bobby to fess up about it. Still, it was fun to try.

“That’s none of your business,” Bobby said. “Idjit.”

Dean laughed. “Whatever you say, Bobby.”

“Sam told me he was coming to your neighborhood potluck today.” So quick to change the subject. That Bobby was smart.

“Yeah, he’s coming with Jess. I’m excited for them to meet Cas and Amelia.”

“Tell him I’m still waiting for that visit he promised me weeks ago.” Bobby frowned. “That kid likes to disappear for a long while.”

“Yeah, I know. Ben misses him a lot.”

“We all do,” Bobby said. “At least you guys live so much closer now. Back then, it was much harder for all of us to see each other.”

Dean sighed. “I remember. It wasn’t easy on us.”

Bobby met his eyes. “You got lucky with that house. It’s a good house to live in. For a family.”

Dean grinned. “I know.” Then he looked at the perfect pair of rocking chairs hiding in the corner of Bobby’s garage. “Hey, did you build those rockers, Bobby?”

Bobby looked over his shoulder. “Those? Yeah, long time ago. I was gonna sell ‘em, but the buyer never got back to me.”

“I’ll buy them from you.”

“You want those things?”

“Hell yeah, I want them. I’ve been wanting to buy some rocking chairs for my front porch, for me and Lisa.”

Bobby looked amused. “Take ‘em. They’re yours. My housewarming gift.”

“Really? Aw, thanks, Bobby.”

“I can’t help you bring them over in my truck, though. I’m meeting up with someone for lunch.”

Dean smiled, knowingly. “Is that someone Ellen?”

Bobby glared. “If you keep that up, I’m breaking those rockers on you.”

Dean raised his hands, feigning innocence. “I’m not doing anything, Bobby. I swear.”

Bobby rolled his eyes.

“It’s alright. I’ll get Cas to pick them up.” Dean pulled out his phone to dial his number.

“I guess I’ll find a tarp or something to cover up the crib.”

“Good thinking.” 

Castiel picked up on the third ring. “What the hell do you want?”

“Easy, tiger.”

“Dean, I’m writing. I only have about two hours left before I have to stop and get ready for the potluck, so I need to not waste any time and you happen to be one of my constant distractions.”

Dean chuckled. Yeah, he could be really distracting with all his impromptu visits during Castiel’s writing times. But he was his muse, too, so it all balanced out. “I’m actually calling ‘cause I need a favor.”

“Dean, what part of ‘I’m writing’ don’t you understand?”

Dean ignored that. “I’m at Bobby’s and he just gave me two rocking chairs, and he’s busy so I need your awesome truck to take them back to my place.”

Castiel sighed. He couldn’t stay mad at Dean—ever. “I’ll be right there.”

“I knew I could count on you.”

“Shut up.”

Dean put his phone back in his pocket and looked over at Bobby, who had successfully covered up the entire crib under a blue tarp. “It’s all set. He’ll be here soon.”

“That man is too nice.”

“He really is. I gotta make it up to him one of these days.”

Bobby turned to walk away, apparently done with this conversation. “Lock up when you leave.”

“Have a good lunch date!”

Bobby grumbled something Dean didn’t catch.

Castiel arrived within fifteen minutes, throwing Dean what he must have thought was a killer glare but looked more like a tiny angry kitten. “You’ve got some nerve, Winchester.”

“It’s good seeing you, too.” Dean led Castiel to the garage, where he pulled out the chairs from behind all of Bobby’s other junk. “They’re not so heavy. You can grab one, and I’ll grab the other.”

“What were you even doing here right now?” Castiel asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“Visiting Bobby.”

“And you couldn’t have waited until later to bring these chairs home?”

“We have the potluck later.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. 

Dean smiled, hoping it would make him smile back. When that didn’t work, Dean wagged his eyebrows. Castiel was about to crack. Dean gave him a poke on his ribs, knowing Castiel was very ticklish.

“Dean, stop.” Castiel wrapped his arms around himself.

Dean stepped closer, managing to tickle Castiel again until Castiel was laughing completely and Dean was laughing with him. Then Dean wrapped his arms around him and crushed him to his chest. With Castiel, nothing worked better than a hug. “You can get very grumpy sometimes, you know. Cheer up, man. It’s a nice day.”

“Dean, you’re squishing me,” Castiel said, but he relaxed in Dean’s arms. Dean let him go eventually, but his plan had worked. Castiel was in a better mood. There was a smile on his face that reached his eyes. Much better.

“I had to squish the grumpy out of you. Had to be done.”

“Let’s get these chairs in my truck.”

Together, they carried the two rocking chairs to the bed of Castiel’s truck and then Dean followed Castiel all the way home. Once in Dean’s driveway, they carried the rocking chairs up to the front porch where they fit perfectly by the big window facing the living room. They were exactly how Dean had imagined them. He could see a much, much older version of himself and Lisa sitting there with a cup of coffee in the morning.

“Sit down,” Dean said, sitting in one of them.

Castiel sat down on the other, and they rocked together.

Dean wondered if it would have been more meaningful to wait and try out the chairs until Lisa sat in the one Castiel was currently in. The one meant for her. But Dean liked sitting out on his front porch with Castiel, too. It felt good, sharing this moment with him. And why shouldn’t Castiel get dibs when he was the one who helped Dean bring the chairs over?

“Nice, huh?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, they’re nice.”

Dean smiled. “Lisa and I are gonna grow old together in this house. It’s gonna be awesome. We’re gonna be those cool old people who all the young people look up to.”

Castiel chuckled. “I highly doubt that. You’re not cool now. How will that improve with age?”

“I’m so cool, and you know it.”

Lisa walked out onto the porch. “Hey, where did you get those?”

“Bobby gave them to me as a housewarming gift. You wanna sit down?”

Lisa shook her head. “Not now. I have to finish getting ready. Ben just got out of a bath. He’s running around the house like he likes to do.”

“Of course he is,” Dean said.

“I should get ready, too,” Castiel said, standing up. Then he looked pointedly at Dean. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Oh, yeah, thanks,” Dean said, giving him a couple of finger guns. “You’re the best, Cas.”

Castiel gave Dean another look, and then he turned to Lisa. “I’ll see you later, Lisa.”

“See you,” Lisa said, turning back to Dean with a raised eyebrow. “Dean, you should really get ready now. We’re supposed to be at Charlie’s in an hour. You really need a shower.”

Dean was sweaty, now that he thought about it. “You’re right.” He stood and approached Lisa, wrapping her in his arms and crushing her to his chest just like he’d done earlier to Castiel. “I love you.”

Lisa groaned, pushing him away. “You stink.”

“I love you, too, Dean,” Dean said in a high falsetto.

Lisa sighed, crossing her arms. “Shower.”

Well, maybe his charms couldn’t work on everyone.

**Castiel**

Charlie’s backyard was lively as anticipated. There were plastic tables and chairs spread out with families already filling them up. Rosa was manning the grill while Charlie served as the host. Multi-colored balloons marked the gaming areas that were set up for the kids to play. Castiel’s favorite part was the food bar, which was piled to the brim with the best looking dishes and desserts. 

Castiel and Amelia had been brand new to the neighborhood when they’d attended their first neighborhood potluck, and it had been the perfect icebreaker between them and every other family around. It was where they realized how much they liked Charlie and Rosa. He was sure Dean and Lisa would also find more friends here.

Castiel set down the meatloaf on the food table. 

“That looks delicious, Castiel.”

Castiel looked up to find Meg standing there. Oh, Meg. She was a fierce woman who worked as a cop. She was married to an equally intimidating man named Crowley. He was an FBI agent. They were both always pleasant, despite being so openly against children. People in the neighborhood appreciated having them around, believing that they would protect the children they weren’t fans of. Castiel didn’t doubt it, but he still found it hilarious how uncomfortable the very presence of children made the two of them.

“Thank you, Meg,” Castiel said. Then he placed a hand on Amelia’s waist. “My wife dug up an old family recipe, and we had to make it for the potluck.”

“Hello, Amelia,” Meg said, tipping her head forward. “How’s the baby-to-be?”

Smiling, Amelia placed a hand to the small bulge on her stomach. She was wearing a tighter top tonight, so it was visible for once. “She’s been kicking a lot. It’s like she wants her presence to never be forgotten.”

“I’m sure glad I’m never having one of those,” Meg said. “I can’t imagine how terrifying it must be to have someone growing inside of me. Just sucking up all my nutrients.”

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows, but didn’t say anything in response. What a strange way to phrase something as natural as a pregnancy.

“Hello, my favorite neighbors,” Dean said, scooting between them over to set down his pies. Then he leaned in to hug Amelia and Castiel. The first time Dean had done this, Castiel had been surprised. Apparently, Dean was getting more comfortable with showing affection. Now, it was just something that he did as a greeting from time to time. It had been a nice change.

“Hello, Dean,” Amelia said. “Have you met Meg?”

Dean turned to face Meg, eyebrows raised. “Hi, I’m Dean Winchester.” They shook hands. “Nice to meet you.”

“Meg Masters, pleasure meeting you,” Meg said in a smooth voice, flicking her wavy black hair over her shoulder. “You’re the new guy who moved next to the Novaks, aren’t you?”

“That’s me,” Dean said. “Well, not just me. Lisa and Ben got held up finding a restroom. You can’t take five year olds anywhere without needing a bathroom break within the first minute, can you?”

Meg tried for a smile, but it seemed forced. “You’re a dad, too. How...great.”

“Alright, then.” Dean turned back to Amelia. “You mind if I steal you for a moment? I wanted to tell you about this car show coming up.”

Amelia widened her eyes. “I’m all ears.” Then she hooked her arm around Dean’s and they walked away together. 

Castiel was left alone with Meg and her discomfort around children, so he offered her a polite smile and excused himself to find an empty table to sit at. Being social with people, even his neighbors whom he’d met before, was not his strongest skill. Amelia was his buffer. Without her, Castiel was powerless.

That was why when a tall man with long, dark hair came to sit at his table, Castiel was not prepared to deal with the situation. What was he supposed to do now?

“Hello,” Castiel said.

The man offered him a wide smile and his hand. There was something so genuine and familiar about that smile. It made Castiel instantly relax. “Hi, I’m Sam. I don’t live in this neighborhood, but my brother invited me.”

Well, now it all made sense. Castiel shook his hand. “Sam. It’s very nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard wonders about you. My name is Castiel Novak.”

Sam gasped. “You’re _the_ Castiel Novak?”

Castiel laughed. Sam made him sound as though he was famous. “That’s the one.”

A blonde woman sat beside Sam, holding a plate full of food. “These ribs look so good. I’m so glad Dean invited us—oh hi, I’m Jess.” Jess reached over Sam to shake Castiel’s hand firmly.

“Jess, this is Castiel Novak,” Sam said, repeating his name like he was mentioning a celebrity.

“No way!” Jess said, with the same enthusiasm as Sam. “You’re Dean’s best friend. My goodness, Dean never shuts up about you and Amelia.”

Castiel smiled. “I could say the same about you.”

“Dean lent us your books,” Jess said. “All three of them. I’m on the second one right now. Sam just started the first one. He’s a slow reader.”

“I happen to be a very fast reader,” Sam said. “I read law books for a living.”

Castiel was touched that Dean had shared his books with his brother and sister-in-law. However, he did wonder why Dean hadn’t mentioned it at all. “I didn’t know Dean made you read my books.”

“Well, they sounded amazing,” Jess said. “We had to check them out.”

“Where’s Amelia?” Sam asked.

“Oh, Dean stole her away,” Castiel said. “They like to sneak off together without me sometimes.”

Sam laughed. “Dean told me she really loves classic cars. No wonder Dean enjoys her company so much.”

“Yeah, there’s no breaking them apart when they start going on about that topic.”

“I know what you mean,” Sam said. “I’m glad Dean finally found someone who shares his interests.”

The three of them continued talking, getting to know each other better. Castiel learned that Sam and Jess had bought a fixer upper and were renovating. They were planning on taking a trip to France in the fall as sort of a honeymoon because they hadn’t been able to take a real one when they got married due to their respective jobs. Also, they were both taking dancing lessons ever since Jess decided that she wanted to learn how to tango, and Sam had gone along with it despite claiming to have two left feet.

Lisa and Ben soon joined them at the table. Lisa greeted Sam and Jess while Ben ran into Sam’s arms, yelling “Uncle Sam, Uncle Sam, Uncle Sam!”

“Hi, squirt,” Sam said, messing up his hair and sitting Ben on his lap. “You hungry? Aunt Jess brought over a lot of food.”

Jess pushed her plate closer to him. “Grab some fries, Ben. They’re your favorite.”

“Thank you, Aunt Jess,” Ben said, grabbing a few fries and eating them. As he chewed, he turned to Sam, offering him one and putting it directly in his mouth before he replied. Then he turned to Castiel and did the same to him.

“Thanks, Ben,” Castiel said. 

“You’re welcome, Uncle Cas,” Ben said.

Sam chuckled. “You’re Uncle Cas?”

Grinning, Castiel nodded. “I have been blessed with the title, yes.”

Dean and Amelia finally joined them all at the table, sitting across from them. 

“I didn’t see you guys come in,” Dean said. “Amelia, this is my brother Sam, and his wife, Jess. Guys, this is Amelia.”

They shook hands. 

“We were just getting to know Castiel,” Sam said. “Amelia, you’re a painter, right?”

Amelia smiled. “Yes, I paint all kinds of things. My biggest project at the moment is a mural covering the entire wall in my daughter’s nursery.”

“It looks badass,” Dean said. “Amelia is super talented.”

“Thank you, Dean,” Amelia said.

They ate as they continued to get to know one another. Castiel was really starting to like Sam and Jess. Sam was just as kind hearted as Dean. The resemblance was obvious from their skin color to their noses and lips. One obvious difference was their freckles. Sam had none, while Dean always seemed to have new ones.

Jess was funny, and always checking to make sure Sam had everything he needed from water to handing over a napkin before he could even ask for one. Not at all how Lisa treated Dean. Lisa hadn’t said a word after saying hello to Jess and Sam. Maybe the comparison wasn’t fair, but Castiel hated to think that Lisa truly didn’t care for Dean at all in the same way Dean cared for her.

After a while, Sam and Jess had to leave due to work, so Dean walked them to the door. They promised to come back the following week for the Fourth of July, which they were celebrating at Dean’s place. Lisa took Ben to play a game, so Amelia and Castiel were the only two people remaining at the table.

“Are you having fun, dear?” Amelia asked, smiling sweetly at him.

“Actually, yes. It’s been a good day.”

“I thought Sam and Jess were lovely.”

“So did I.”

A few seats beside him, Lisa’s phone on the table started ringing. Lisa must have forgotten it when she got up with Ben. Castiel scanned the room searching for her, but she was on the far side of the yard. The music would be too loud for her to hear him calling out to her. 

“I can take the phone to her,” Amelia said.

“I’ll do it,” Castiel said, picking up the phone. Without meaning to, he read the screen, and his eyes widened when he read the name: Benjamin. It would be too much of a coincidence if this Benjamin wasn’t Benjamin West, Ben’s biological father. Castiel looked up at Amelia. “Ames, it’s Benjamin.”

Amelia gaped at him. “Are you sure?”

Castiel showed her the phone. “Look.”

Amelia grimaced at the phone like it had personally offended her. “Why is that man calling Lisa?”

“Has she told you anything else about him?” Castiel asked.

Amelia shook her head. “No, I don’t know if she trusts me that much. She knows I’m close with Dean.”

“I’m not handing her the phone,” Castiel said. If Lisa wanted to have secret conversations with this man behind Dean’s back, Castiel wouldn’t make it easy for her. The nerve of that woman. How could she do this to Dean? Not that Castiel knew exactly what she’d been doing to Dean. But it didn’t look good. Castiel pushed the phone back to the side, glaring at it until it stopped ringing.

“Maybe it’s nothing,” Amelia said. “Maybe it’s not as bad as it looks.”

Castiel sighed. “I don’t have a good feeling about this. I think I should tell Dean.”

“We’re not supposed to meddle in their relationship,” Amelia reminded him. “We need to stay out of this. We’ve talked about this, Castiel.”

Amelia was right. They had talked about this many times before. But Castiel still didn’t feel good about lying to Dean. Especially when Lisa was already lying to him so carelessly.

Dean was back at the table, this time sitting beside Castiel. He noticed the awkward silence right away. “What happened? Did someone die?”

Amelia chuckled halfheartedly. “No, nothing like that. Dean, it was my pleasure meeting Sam and Jess. I’m glad we’ll get to see them again next weekend.”

Dean’s face lit up. “Yeah, they really liked you guys, too. I’m glad they could come today.” 

“Dean,” Castiel said, holding his gaze. Dean’s too green eyes were looking back at him, open and honest. How could Castiel lie to him? Why _should_ Castiel lie to him? To help Lisa hide her dirty secrets from him?

“Castiel,” Amelia said, warningly.

Castiel faced her, pursing his lips. “Ames, I have to tell him.”

Amelia pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“What is it, Cas?” Dean asked. “What’s going on?”

Castiel cleared his throat, slowly facing Dean again. “Dean, I have to tell you something. You might not like it, but I refuse to lie to you.”

Dean frowned. “Why would you lie to me?”

“Lisa has been communicating with Benjamin West,” Castiel said. “At first, it was over Facebook, but I think he was just calling her cell right now. Unless she knows another Benjamin, I’m sure it was him. I don’t know if this means anything—”

Dean’s face was hard when he said, “How long have you known about this?”

Castiel tried to read the emotion in his eyes. Anger, disappointment, fear? He hadn’t seen any of those before on Dean. “About a month ago, I don’t know. I didn’t want to meddle in your relationship, but I just think—”

Dean rubbed a hand over his face. “You’ve known for a fucking month, and you didn’t tell me anything?”

Castiel swallowed. Dean was mad at him? “Dean.”

“Dean,” Amelia said. “I told Castiel not to tell you. Lisa told me in confidence.”

Dean laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Both of you lied to me.” Then he stood, looking as lost as a kid without his parents at a grocery store. “I thought you were my friends,” he muttered, quietly.

Castiel stood, too, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Dean, I’m sorry, please try to understand.”

But Dean walked away from him, from both of them, making a beeline all the way inside the house. Castiel looked at Amelia, silently asking for guidance on what to do next. 

“Follow him,” Amelia said.

And Castiel did.

**Dean**

Dean was seeing red.

In the last five minutes, he’d not only learned that Lisa was sneaking behind his back to talk to Benjamin West, but also that Castiel and Amelia both knew and had been keeping that information to themselves. How was Dean supposed to trust any of them now? Everyone in his life—everyone he loved—was lying to him. 

Dean practically ran out of Charlie and Rosa’s house, jogging all the way to his driveway up the street. He went inside directly to the fridge for a beer and then to his backyard, where he slumped down onto a chair, shut his eyes, and gulped down the bitter liquid.

What the hell did any of this mean? Was Lisa talking to Benjamin West in secret because she was having an affair with him? No, Lisa would never do that to him. Lisa was a good person. She wouldn’t cheat on Dean. So, then, it had to do with Ben. Did Benjamin West want to know about Ben’s life? Did he want to be in his life, six years later? A little too late, wasn’t it?

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

Whatever was going on, Dean knew it couldn’t be good. He knew it at the pit of his stomach, that none of this was good.

“Dean.”

Dean groaned, his eyes still closed as he took another swig of his beer. 

He heard Castiel sit on the chair beside him. For a few moments, he didn’t say anything. Dean waited. What did Castiel have to say? That he was sorry? That wouldn’t make Dean feel any better about the situation.

“I shouldn’t have lied to you,” Castiel said, his voice serious yet tentative. “All those times that I pushed you to talk to Lisa was me trying to get her to tell you the truth so I would feel better about keeping it from you. You're my best friend, Dean. You’re my family. And I need you to know that I’m here for you. I don’t know what’s going on with that man, but whatever happens, just know I’m always going to be here.”

Dean opened his eyes, keeping his gaze forward, not ready to glance at Castiel yet. “You don’t know how it feels to always live with this uncertainty, Cas. To not know if Lisa is tired or bored of me because I’ll never be that man, the one she holds up on a pedestal despite the fact that he abandoned her. It’s the worst feeling, never knowing if Benjamin West will want to be a part of Ben’s life. He has every legal right to him. I don’t. I’m not even Ben’s stepfather. I’m just the boyfriend who’s too emotionally invested.”

“So talk to Lisa,” Castiel said. “Tell her all of this. Let her know about your fears. If she’s half the person that I think she is, she’ll have to open up to you. Dean, you deserve to be with someone who sees you like you are the center of the universe. If Lisa isn’t that person, then…”

“Then what?” Dean asked, his voice sounding more bitter than he’d intended. “Then I should leave her and Ben and move on with my life? Do you think I’m gonna just walk out on my son because Lisa hurt my fucking feelings? What kind of father would that make me? I’m not gonna be another deadbeat dad.”

“That isn’t what I’m saying.” Castiel sighed. “Will you just talk to her?”

“Talking doesn’t fix everything, Cas.”

“How would you know?”

Dean didn’t know what to say to that. Yeah, how would he know? He never really talked to Lisa, not the way he talked to Castiel. The way he was talking to him now. But talking to Castiel was as easy as breathing. Castiel made Dean feel comfortable about pretty much everything. It was a lot different with Lisa.

Dean took another sip of his beer. “I guess maybe I could talk to her.”

Castiel sat on the edge of his seat, waiting until Dean met his gaze. “Are you still angry at me?”

How could Dean stay mad at Castiel? Or Amelia? They were practically family now. Dean wished they’d told him earlier about Lisa, but he also understood that they hadn’t told him anything because they knew it wasn’t their place. Lisa should have told Dean about everything. 

Dean held Castiel’s gaze, and he saw the sincerity in his eyes that was always there. Castiel was a good friend—a _great_ friend. Dean took a deep breath. “No, Cas, I’m not mad at you.”

Castiel looked relieved. “I’m glad to hear that. You know Amelia and I just want the best for you, right?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

Castiel stood and touched Dean’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “If you need me, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks, Cas.”

Then, he was gone.

That night after the potluck, Dean waited until he tucked Ben in bed to talk to Lisa. 

Dean was changing into a pair of gray sweats and a red t-shirt when Lisa entered their bedroom, shutting the door behind her. Lisa said a quick “Hey” before she started getting ready for bed, too.

Once they were both in bed, Lisa plugging her cell phone to charge and grabbing her tablet to scroll through the daily news, Dean broke the silence between them.

“Hey, can we talk?” Dean asked.

“Sure, what’s up?” Lisa continued scrolling through the article headlines, not bothering to look up at Dean.

“Can you please put that down?”

“Why? What’s the matter?”

“Lisa, please.”

Lisa sighed, annoyed, but she set the tablet down in the gap between them. When she met his eyes, she looked like she didn’t have time for Dean. Like she’d rather be doing a thousand other things than listening to him. 

Dean was losing courage, but he knew he couldn’t keep evading the topic. Besides, Castiel seemed to believe that talking was the way to go, so he had to give it a shot. “Have you been talking to Benjamin West behind my back?”

Lisa raised her eyebrows, but there wasn’t much more shock on her face than that. “How did you find out?”

“He called you today,” Dean said. “At the potluck.”

Lisa nodded. “Yes, he did.”

“Why is he calling you? Why have you been hiding this from me?”

“Dean, you make it sound like I’m having an affair,” Lisa said, crossing her arms, offended. “Benjamin found me on Facebook, wanting to talk about Ben. Since he is my son’s father, I couldn’t just ignore him.”

“He left you to fend for yourself when you were pregnant with Ben.”

Lisa didn’t acknowledge that. “We’ve been messaging back and forth about Ben. He wants to know what he’s like, what he does for fun, his favorite toys, all of that. Eventually, I got tired of using the messenger app, so we exchanged numbers. I haven’t told Ben about any of this yet, so I hope you do the same. I need to make sure Benjamin is serious about wanting to meet Ben before I get his hopes up.”

Dean gaped at her. “He...he wants to meet Ben?”

“Yes, he does. I told him since Ben’s birthday is coming up at the end of July, that might be a good time for the two of them to meet.”

“When were you going to tell me about this, Lisa?” Dean couldn’t believe that she’d planned for Benjamin to meet Ben on his birthday in a month, but this was the first Dean was hearing about it. If it hadn’t been for Castiel, Dean would have still been completely clueless.

“When I was sure that Benjamin was serious about being in Ben’s life,” Lisa said, like it was nothing. Like this wasn’t going to change the rest of their lives. Benjamin West wanted to be in Ben’s life all of a sudden. To be Ben’s dad. Ben’s so-called _other_ dad wanted to be his _real_ dad. Where did that leave Dean? Would Ben want Dean in his life if he got to have Benjamin West playing Dad, too?

“Is he?” Dean asked, in a broken voice that didn’t sound like his own.

Lisa bit her lip. “I think he is.”

Dean nodded, too fast that it didn’t feel like a normal gesture anymore. “Okay. Okay. Okay. So, Benjamin wants to be in Ben’s life. You invited him to Ben’s birthday party. And we’re all going to be a big happy family, right?”

“Are you seriously jealous of Benjamin right now?” Lisa asked. “Dean, not everything’s about you. Our only concern should be Ben.”

“Ben has always been my main concern, Lisa. That’s why this is such a huge decision, which you have been hiding from me for God knows how long.”

“Don’t make me sound like the villain again, Dean. And you’re not a victim. We’re both adults here. When you accepted to help me raise Ben, you always knew that Ben had a father. You can’t just pretend that he doesn’t exist for your own benefit.”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Dean said. “I’ve never forgotten that man exists. I’ve been in his shadow the entire time I’ve been with you. I’ve been competing with him every day, even though he lives miles away.”

Lisa’s eyes didn’t hold any compassion for how Dean was feeling, finally pouring his heart out to her. Instead, there was a hard edge to them. “Well, that’s all been on you, Dean.”

Dean knew that they weren’t going to fix anything tonight. Maybe this was as far as they would get for a long time. 

So he turned off the bedroom light and pretended to fall asleep, hoping tomorrow, Dean and Lisa could keep pretending everything was alright.

**Castiel**

The following Friday evening Castiel found Dean in the nursery, sitting in a corner talking to Amelia as she painted. Castiel stood out of sight, wanting to surprise them.

“Have you ever taken her on a road trip?” Dean asked.

Amelia hummed. “Oh, yes. We’ve been on plenty of road trips. Mostly on my own, you know, when I thought of myself as a lone wolf. But I went on one with Castiel a few months before we got married. We went to ten states in two weeks. It was incredible.”

“I bet,” Dean said. “I’ve taken my Baby on a lot of road trips, too. Only with Sam. I tried to convince Lisa to take a road trip with me and Ben, but she thinks they’re pointless. Not only that, but she also thinks Ben would be too much of a hassle on the road. I think he’d like it, though.”

Castiel made his presence known by stepping into the room. “Hello.”

Amelia looked over her shoulder and smiled at him. “Hi, dear. Dean was just keeping me company.”

Dean only lifted a hand in greeting. Not even a smile. Things must be worse than he’d made them out to be. After the potluck, Dean hadn’t come around. Castiel had tried texting and calling, but Dean hadn’t answered. Castiel had doubted that Dean would show up today, for their weekly _Dr. Sexy_ viewing. But he was glad to find Dean here. Castiel had actually considered going to find Dean at his house if he didn’t show.

“Everything okay?” Castiel asked.

Dean nodded. 

“I have ice cream,” Castiel said. “I picked up some more for you. Let’s go get some. The show will start soon.”

Dean frowned but stood anyway. “I’ll see you later, Amelia. I hope I didn’t bother you too much.”

“You never bother me, Dean,” Amelia said, smiling. “Go have fun with Castiel.”

Dean followed Castiel to the fridge where he sat at the kitchen island while Castiel filled two bowls with ice cream. He still hadn’t said anything. He just sat there, staring at his fidgeting hands on the counter. 

“How come you haven’t called me back?” Castiel asked, spreading whipped cream on top of the ice cream. “I’ve been worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” Dean said.

“Is that why you look like a kicked puppy?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Castiel decided to switch tactics. “What happened with Lisa? Did you talk to her?”

Dean ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I talked to her.”

“So, what happened?”

Dean shook his head, keeping his eyes down at all times. He was avoiding looking at Castiel. “She said Benjamin wants to meet Ben. She invited him to his birthday party on the twenty-sixth.”

_Oh._

No wonder Dean had been so distant from him. Dean had been avoiding Castiel because he hadn’t wanted to discuss this. Maybe Castiel should have kept his mouth shut. But then, how was Castiel supposed to help Dean if he didn’t push him to talk?

“Are you alright with that happening?” Castiel asked, although he knew the answer.

Dean looked at his hands on the counter for a long time. So much time passed in silence that Castiel doubted that Dean would ever answer him. “I don’t think I get to have a say in it.”

“Why the hell not?” Castiel demanded. 

Dean rubbed his hands over his face. “Because I don’t. Look, it’s all just too complicated.”

“How is it complicated?”

“It just is.” He sighed.

“Dean, don’t shut me out,” Castiel pleaded. “You can trust me.”

Dean clenched his jaw. “Who am I to tell Lisa how to raise Ben? He’s her son, after all. She’s made it pretty clear that I have no real authority over Ben.”

Castiel frowned, anger at Lisa rearing its ugy head again. “Dean, that isn’t true. You’re Ben’s father.”

“Not really,” Dean said. “Lisa doesn’t think so, anyway. Benjamin West is Ben’s father, and he wants Ben to know that, to never forget it. So, I have to just deal with it. What other choice do I have?”

“You’re a better father than that man could ever hope to be.”

Dean looked into Castiel’s eyes for the first time. His eyes were the sadder than Castiel had ever seen them. It broke his heart. “I think you’re the only one who believes that.”

Castiel didn’t know what else to say to ease Dean’s pain, so he left the ice cream behind on the counter and moved around it to get to Dean. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Dean hugged him back, gripping him fiercely. Castiel hoped that Dean understood that Castiel would always be there for Dean, to hold him up or bring him comfort in any way he could. Castiel carded his fingers through Dean’s hair, the same way Amelia did to Castiel whenever he was sad. It had always worked in lifting his spirits. To feel that physical comfort as well as the emotional one. “It’ll be alright, Dean. I know it will.”

“I wish I could believe you,” Dean said, voice muffled against Castiel’s shoulder. “I really do.”

Dean looked a little better after watching _Dr. Sexy_. At least he wasn’t acting like he’d lost all hope in the world. Dean's shoulders had relaxed letting him sink into the couch as usual. He’d even laughed once or twice. Castiel watched him carefully, trying to assure himself that Dean really was okay. Dean was such a kind person that it was unbelievable to think that Lisa could be treating him this way. Why couldn’t Lisa see how great Dean was? Did she not see what a wonderful father he was to Ben?

Although, it wasn’t inconceivable to believe that Benjamin West wanted to meet Ben. Maybe he’d had a change of heart after all these years. However, Castiel was sure that he wouldn’t come close to Dean when it came to caring for Ben. No man could ever come close to Dean.

“You wanna have a beer?” Castiel asked once the show was over.

Dean nodded. They grabbed two beers and headed out to the backyard.

“So, I was thinking about going shopping this weekend,” Castiel said. “With all the Fourth of July sales going on, Amelia and I thought we could find a good deal on a crib for Claire.”

Dean looked alarmed. “What? No, you can’t buy a crib.”

“Why not? We need one. Where do you think Claire will sleep?”

“Just, trust me. Don’t buy a crib. Please.”

“Dean, I can’t just not buy a crib. The sales…” Castiel trailed off. Something occurred to him. “Wait, did you buy a crib for Claire?”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “No. I didn’t buy one. I...I built her one.”

Castiel sat up in his chair, eyes wide. Had he heard Dean correctly? Did Dean say he built a crib for Claire? “You did?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “I asked Bobby for help since he’s a carpenter. We’ve been working on it whenever we have free time after work and on weekends. I just need to sand the wood, and then paint it. It should be done in one more week, probably. You ruined the surprise. But don’t tell Amelia, alright?”

Castiel had never imagined that Dean would go through all the trouble of building a crib from scratch for his future daughter. The fact that Dean had done that, it was more than Castiel felt he deserved. “Dean, I don’t know how I could ever thank you for doing that. Amelia will be over the moon when she finds out.”

Dean smiled bashfully. “It was nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing,” Castiel assured him. “You went above and beyond. Thank you, Dean.”

“That’s what family’s for,” Dean said, shrugging. 

This was the man Lisa was taking for granted. Building a crib from scratch wasn’t a grand gesture. It was simply something to do because you loved the expecting couple. This was what made Dean so incredible. He was selfless, and he was willing to do anything for those he cared about. 

Castiel felt privileged to be among those people.

  
  



	2. Part 2: Meddling

_“If you need a friend, don't look to a stranger._

_You know in the end, I'll always be there._

_But when you're in doubt, and when you're in danger,_

_Take a look all around, and I'll be there”_

-When In Rome, **The Promise**

  
  


**Dean**

It was the Fourth of July.

This was probably the only year that Dean wasn’t looking forward to the otherwise wholesome American holiday. Growing up, the Fourth of July had been the only holiday he’d always celebrated with Sam. They might have missed Christmases, Halloweens, or Thanksgivings, but never a good Fourth of July celebration involving fireworks.

Dean had bought a lot of fireworks in preparation hoping that would help him get in the celebratory spirit, but so far not even that was working.

Bobby arrived before anyone else, but not alone. Ellen was with him. Now this was an interesting turn of events. What could have possibly made Bobby invite Ellen to a family holiday if they were, as he called it “just friends?” Dean knew that was total bullshit, of course.

“Bobby,” Dean said, walking up to him. Dean had been getting the grill started, but this was far more important. “And Ellen, what a surprise.

Ellen grinned. “Your uncle invited me. I hope I’m not crashing the party.”

“Oh, no, you’re more than welcome to join us,” Dean said. “I’m glad you’re here. Bobby, good for you for inviting Ellen.” He winked.

Bobby grunted. “Where’s the beer?”

Dean chuckled. “In the red cooler. Help yourselves.”

Bobby and Ellen walked past him, and Dean went inside. Lisa was making mashed potatoes. Ben was over at the Novaks, swimming in their pool, but they would be bringing him over when they came by later.

“Hey,” Dean said, standing far from Lisa at the kitchen counter, wanting to keep a distance to not upset her. “How’s it going?”

“Good,” Lisa said. “Are you going to help me in here?”

“Sure, what can I do?”

“I was joking. You just focus on the grilling. I can manage here. I’m almost done.”

Dean nodded. “Okay. I’ll be outside if you need me.”

Lisa smiled, but it looked forced. It was her smile for when she was too tired to argue or continue the conversation. “Okay.”

With a sigh, Dean turned around and walked back outside.

Bobby was sitting with Ellen at one of the two tables, and they were drinking beer together, looking more comfortable than Dean had ever seen Bobby with anyone else. It struck Dean how happy he was seeing Bobby looking this way. Ellen was good for him, and Bobby knew it.

Dean went back to the grill, getting it ready. He wished he had Castiel to keep him company, but he wasn’t too sad about that because he knew that Ben was having fun with his beloved Uncle Cas. The only comforting thought Dean had in the middle of his current turmoil was that Ben seemed completely unaffected and oblivious to the tension between Dean and Lisa. They never argued in front of him, but Dean still worried that Ben would somehow know that something was off between them. So far, Ben seemed to think everything was normal. Dean wanted to keep it that way.

Maybe Benjamin West wanting to be in Ben’s life wasn’t the end of the world. Maybe he was a changed man. Decent. And he only wanted the best for Ben, just like Dean and Lisa. Maybe he’d visit on major holidays, and Ben could get to know his biological dad. Maybe Dean and Benjamin could even get along. Maybe.

Dean looked up from the steaks on the grill when he heard noise from inside the house. Then Castiel walked into the backyard, holding Ben by the hand. Castiel had so quickly become part of Dean’s family. He was Ben’s uncle, just like Sam. Dean loved that.

Ben was ready to run up to Dean, but Castiel stopped him. 

“Dad’s by the grill, honey,” Castiel said. 

Dean abandoned the steaks—they could burn for all he cared—and walked closer to Ben, arms open and inviting. Castiel let go of Ben’s hand and Ben ran as fast as he could into Dean’s arms. Ben had only been gone for a few hours, but Dean had really missed him in that time. Dean filled his face with kisses. “Hey, kiddo. Did you have fun with Uncle Cas and Aunt Amelia?”

Smiling, Ben nodded, pushing himself free from Dean’s grasp. “Uncle Cas swam with me and we raced each other in the pool and I beat him three times and Dandy got in the pool with us and she’s a great swimmer!”

Dean laughed. “Sounds like you had a big day. Go say hi to Bobby and Ellen.”

“Okay, Dad,” Ben said, spinning around and running towards their table.

Dean went back to the grill, and he was glad when Castiel joined him, standing close beside him. “Hey, thanks for keeping him entertained while Lisa and I set up over here.”

“You say it like I was doing you a favor,” Castiel said, scoffing. “Amelia and I love spending time with Ben. He’s the nephew we never had.”

Dean knew that Amelia was adopted, and she didn’t have any siblings. Castiel, however, hadn’t shared many details about his childhood. Nothing more than the fact that he had a sister who lived in Seattle and had been disgraced with a deadbeat dad, just like Dean. But Dean had never tried to pry anything else out of Castiel. Maybe because that would force Dean to share more about his own upbringing. And that was a very bitter topic for him.

“Well, thanks, anyway,” Dean said. “Where’s Amelia?”

“She’s inside, talking to Lisa.” Castiel sent Dean a look that spoke volumes. 

Amelia and Lisa weren’t as close as they had been. Dean hadn’t told Lisa that Amelia was the one who first told him about Lisa having contact with Benjamin. Dean wasn’t a snitch or a bad friend. He wasn’t going to throw Amelia under the bus. Although, he also knew that Lisa had refused to visit the Novaks with the same consistency as Dean ever since. But since Amelia was the kindest person in the world, she was trying to win Lisa over again. She didn’t like the tension that had built there, so she had been trying to repair their friendship. Castiel thought it was a lost cause.

“So, uh, Cas,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve been wracking my brain for a few days trying to find a way to repay you for all the help you’ve offered me. You know, with your truck and pretty much always being there to listen to me whine on and on about Lisa.”

Castiel looked amused. “Isn’t that just what friends do?”

“Well, yeah, but sometimes I feel like I take advantage of your kindness.”

“Nonsense,” Castiel said. “If anything, I’m the one indebted to you. Without you, my book wouldn’t have been possible. You give me constant feedback that has helped me and kept me inspired. You’re my muse, remember?”

Dean smiled. Yeah, he was a muse. _Castiel’s_ muse. That was still pretty cool. “Alright, well, I guess I’ll just tell you. I’m planning a camping trip. I was thinking we would go for a full weekend. We could leave Friday afternoon and we’d be back by Sunday evening. I’ve always wanted to take Ben camping, but Lisa hates the outdoors. I thought I’d take you and Amelia with us. What do you think?”

Castiel chuckled. “I think it’s hilarious you think that Amelia, my pregnant wife, will agree to sleep in the wilderness. She may act like a hippie, but she hates bugs and I really doubt she’d be alright with not having easy access to a bathroom.”

Shit. Dean hadn’t thought about any of that. Of course Amelia would hate the thought of going camping, especially in her state. It was a stupid idea. “Sorry, man. I wasn’t thinking.”

Castiel touched his shoulder. “Don’t be sorry. I’d love to go camping. You and I can go with Ben. It can be a boys’ trip.”

Dean was beaming. That sounded awesome. “Are you sure? You don’t think Amelia will mind you taking off for a full weekend?”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “I don’t think you’re aware of how often Amelia tries to kick me out of the house. I think she could use a weekend to herself.”

“Alright, then it’s settled. We’re going camping.”

“I can't wait.”

The food was ready just as Sam and Jess arrived. Dean was glad because he was so hungry he wasn’t going to wait for them to eat. They pushed the two tables together—one of which he’d borrowed from Castiel—and they ate, everyone speaking over each other. Dean was having too much fun arguing with Sam over that one trip they took as teenagers, taking the Impala without permission to go fishing. Sam was claiming that he’d caught four fish, but Dean knew he’d only caught one and he’d been too sad to kill it, so he’d thrown it back in the lake.

“I did _not_ do that,” Sam insisted.

Dean gave him a look. “Sammy, come on, you couldn’t go hunting with Dad either. Remember how scared you were when he forced you to come with us and you saw the dead deer he’d shot? Your skinny little legs were shaking.”

Sam clenched his jaw. “That was traumatizing, Dean. Dad was an asshole for doing that.”

Dean had to back down then. Because, yeah, Sam was right about that. He changed the subject. “So, when are you and Jess gonna make me an uncle?”

“Oh, God, not for a long time,” Jess said. “Sam and I had to plan our trip to France, like, a year ahead to get a bit of time off. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to plan the rest of our lives for a kid.”

Sam sipped his soda. “We’re getting a dog, though.”

That got Ben’s attention. His head spun in Sam’s direction, eyes wide. “Uncle Sam, you’re getting a dog?”

Sam chuckled. “Yes, I am, squirt. And you can come visit him anytime you’d like.”

“What will you name him?”

“Hmm. I don’t know. Jess?”

Jess smiled. “Well, since we still don’t know for sure what the dog will look like, we haven’t thought of names just yet. But I promise once we adopt him, we’ll send your dad a lot of pictures so he can show you. Maybe you could help us name the dog when you see the pictures.”

Ben looked thrilled with the idea. He turned to Dean. “Dad, did you hear that? I get to name their dog!”

“I know, I heard,” Dean said. “So you better come up with something good.”

“Dean, is it true that you’re going camping with my husband?” Amelia asked from across the table.

Dean smiled. “It’s true. You can still come if you want.”

Amelia shuddered. “Oh, no. There’s nothing I can think of that’d be worse than going camping. But thank you for getting Castiel out of the house for a weekend. You’re truly doing the Lord’s work, Dean.”

“What did I tell you?” Castiel said as Dean threw his head back in laughter.

“Camping sounds fun,” Sam said.

“You wanna come with?” Dean asked, even though he knew the answer.

Sam frowned. “You know I would love to, but I can’t. I’m working on a big case. This couple has four children, and the father is fighting dirty for custody. I’m representing the mother, and I’m working overtime to make sure she’s able to keep her children and get financial support from her rich husband.”

“Geez, that sounds worse than a daytime drama,” Dean said. “I don’t envy you.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Sam said. “Anyway, I hope you guys have fun camping. Dean and I used to go camping all the time before work got so hectic for me. You’ll be in good hands, Cas. Dean is one with the wilderness.”

“Is that right?” Castiel asked.

Dean snorted. “Oh yeah, I’m a real outdoorsman.”

“He’s being modest,” Sam said. “Dean can start a fire, pitch a tent in just a few minutes, and he even knows all the major constellations. Going camping with Dean is always awesome.”

Dean was starting to blush with all of Sam’s praises. Back then, going camping with Sam was just a regular thing they did. Dean always enjoyed all those nights under the stars with his little brother, but Dean hadn’t been aware of how much Sam had also enjoyed them. It was nice to know that Sam kept fond memories of those times.

“Well, that makes one of us,” Castiel said. “I’ve never gone camping before, so I’m going to be practically useless out there.”

Dean smiled. “That’s alright. Ben and I will protect you from any wild bears.”

Castiel sat up, looking pale. “Excuse me? Bears?”

Dean and Sam locked eyes, laughing. 

“Are you joking?” Castiel asked. “Now I’m really worried.”

“Relax, man,” Dean said. “I know how to take full precautions.”

That seemed to ease some of Castiel’s concerns. He sat back down, huffing out a breath.

Dean was feeling good. It was almost time for fireworks.

**Castiel**

It had been a great Fourth of July so far.

Castiel had spent the first part of the day swimming with Ben and Dandy and then he’d kept Dean company at the grill before they all sat down for dinner. Amelia had been thrilled about Castiel and Dean’s upcoming camping trip with Ben, and so had Castiel—until bears were brought up. Castiel wanted nothing to do with bears, especially while being unprotected in the wilderness. 

Fortunately, Dean seemed very confident in his camping skills and, for better or for worse, Castiel had complete trust in him.

After sunset, Dean disappeared into his garage. When he returned, it was with a box of fireworks. Castiel bolted out of his seat, running up to Dean. 

“Dean, what do you think you’re doing?” Castiel demanded, taking the box from Dean.

“Dude, they’re just fireworks. It’s fine.”

“Fireworks are illegal in Oklahoma City without a permit. Do you have a permit?”

Dean scoffed. “I don’t need a permit. I’ve been launching fireworks all my life. Ask Sammy.”

“Good for you, but I’m not letting you get arrested over this.”

Sam was suddenly standing beside Castiel. He cleared his throat. “Actually, Dean, Castiel is right. You can’t set those off in Oklahoma City.”

Dean groaned. “Come on, Sammy. It’s tradition. You never cared that it was illegal when we were kids.” 

Sam huffed, crossing his arms. “I didn’t know any better. Besides, I always thought everything you did was the right thing.”

Dean didn’t look like he understood at all. “I’ve been looking forward to this all day.”

“We’ll do something else, Castiel suggested. “We can play board games. Or we can go swimming. Whatever you want. Let’s just put the fireworks away.

Dean dug inside the box Castiel was holding and took out one of the fireworks. It was a small cylinder. “This is the smallest one. Let’s just launch this one. For Ben. Please?”

Castiel inhaled through his nose. He couldn’t believe what he was about to say. “Just one.”

Dean beamed. “Awesome.”

Castiel knew it was a bad idea, but he put the box down and followed Dean deeper into the yard with Sam in tow. Dean had a container full of sand on the ground, and he buried the cylinder inside. Then he grabbed a lighter from his pocket.

“Dean, where’s the firestick?” Castiel asked. “And the gloves?”

“It’ll be okay,” Dean said. Again, with the overconfidence. 

Sam stepped closer. “Dean.”

Dean held up a hand, warningly. “Stay back, both of you.”

Sam took five steps back and so did Castiel while Dean stepped closer to light the firework. “Be careful, Dean,” Sam pleaded.

The moment Dean lit up the match, Castiel knew something had gone horribly wrong. The firework sparked a few lights that went about fifteen feet up, but Dean recoiled his right hand, clutching it to his chest letting out a yelp.

“Dean.” Castiel ran up to him, ignoring the sparks that were still going off. He pulled Dean away from them, trying to get him to unfist his hand. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

Dean hissed when Castiel took his hand in both of his. There were burns there. His entire palm was bright red. “Aw, fuck. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“I’ll get Jess,” Sam said.

Castiel frowned, blowing on Dean’s hand. “I don’t think this is helping, is it?”

“No, but thank you. I’m fine, Cas.”

“Your hand is very red. I doubt you’re fine.”

“Well, I’ll live.”

“You’re so stubborn.”

“What the hell did you do to yourself, Dean?” That was Lisa. She was furious as she stalked over to Dean. “Do you think you’re a fucking child? Why the hell did you endanger yourself and your family?”

Castiel blinked. Sure, Dean had been careless, but it wasn’t that serious. “Lisa, I think he needs some space.”

“I’m fine, Lisa,” Dean said, groaning as he clutched his hand back to his chest.

“You’re not fucking fine,” Lisa said. “If you cared about Ben like you claim to do, you wouldn’t be doing stupid shit like this. Seriously, Dean, what the hell were you thinking?”

Castiel had had enough. He pulled Dean inside the house and away from Lisa, who apparently had nothing worthwhile to contribute. Castiel sat Dean down at the kitchen island where Jess appeared to check out the severity of the burn. Sam hovered behind Jess until she told him to give her some space to work. 

Jess ran his hand under cold tap water. She glanced up at Sam and Castiel. “Dean is fine. He’ll need some pain relievers. Sam, could you grab my purse, please? I’ve got Tylenol.”

Sam left in a hurry.

“You could find me some aloe vera or petroleum jelly, Castiel,” Jess said to him.

Castiel nodded, heading for the bathroom. After a lot of digging, he managed to find petroleum jelly and brought it back to Jess. “Anything else?”

Jess grinned. “I think that should do.” Jess turned off the water and pressed a clean wet towel over the burn. Dean hissed. “That should teach you to be more careful next time.”

“Next time?” Castiel asked.

Jess gave him a look. “Winchester men don’t learn from their mistakes.”

Dean frowned, looking offended. “Yes, we do.”

Jess laughed. “Yeah, right.”

Sam returned with Jess’s bag, handing it to her, and she pulled out a bottle of Tylenol, giving two to Dean.

Dean took the pills and the glass of water Sam handed to him. “I’m sorry. Lisa was right. I was being irresponsible.”

Just because Castiel was so angry with the way Lisa had behaved when Dean was clearly injured, he said, “No, she wasn’t right. You were following a tradition. It could have happened to anyone.”

Dean gave him a soft smile. “You’re just being nice.”

 _Someone has to be_ , Castiel thought. 

Where was Lisa when Dean needed her? Was she just good for yelling at him? If she cared about Dean like she should, she’d be here, checking to see if he was alright. Thank God for Sam and Jess.

Amelia walked into the kitchen. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just got a little burn on my hand,” Dean said.

Jess started to bandage his hand after it had been coated with the petroleum jelly. “It could have been much worse.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Amelia asked.

Dean shook his head. “No, but thanks anyway. You and Cas don’t have to stay and watch me get my hand bandaged.”

“It’s not like we have anything better to do,” Amelia said, wrapping an arm around Castiel’s waist.

“Is Ben scared?” Dean asked, wincing.

Amelia smiled. “No, Bobby put a compilation of dog videos on his phone for him to watch. He’s fine.”

“Lisa’s really mad,” Dean said quietly.

Amelia shrugged. “Lisa’s mad all the time. Nothing new there.”

Dean actually laughed. The rest followed suit. Castiel maybe should have felt bad for laughing about someone like this, but he couldn’t forgive Lisa for all the hurt she had given Dean.

“What’s so funny?” Lisa asked, stepping into the kitchen with her arms crossed. “You should be grateful your sister-in-law saved you from an expensive trip to the emergency room.”

“Yeah,” Dean said, his smile disappearing from his face as he looked down.

“So fucking selfish, Dean,” Lisa muttered, walking down the hall.

Castiel exchanged a look with Amelia, and he was glad to see that she was just as annoyed with Lisa as he was. Dean looked like a kicked puppy yet again.

“Dean would always buy fireworks on the Fourth of July,” Sam said, smiling. “Ever since we were kids, Dean learned how to launch them, and we would watch them together. It’s one of my favorite memories as a kid. If it weren’t for Dean, I don’t think there’d be any good memories to choose from.”

And just like that, Dean’s smile was back. “You loved fireworks as a kid. Believe me, this isn’t my first burn.”

“Oh, I remember,” Sam said. “We carried a first-aid kit in the Impala all the time.”

“Remember when we both fell down during a hike, and we both needed stitches?” Dean asked. “That was a fun day.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “That wasn’t fun for me.”

“I’m sure it was a lot of fun for you, Sammy. Don’t lie.”

“Whatever,” Sam said. “Let’s get back to the party. It’s still a party, isn’t it?”

Dean chuckled, facing Jess. “Am I healthy enough to be discharged, doc?”

Jess gave Dean a look that was a cross between annoyed and amused. “Yes, Dean, you’re discharged. But no more fireworks for tonight.”

Dean sighed. “Fine. I’ll put them away.”

“I can put them back in the garage,” Castiel offered.

“Thanks, buddy,” Dean said, smiling softly.

Castiel went to grab the box and take it to the garage through the door inside. On his way back in the house, he ran into Lisa, who was holding a beer and looked like she hadn’t been expecting to find him there. “Excuse me,” Castiel said, trying to sound as polite as possible, even though he had a few choice words he was dying to say to Lisa.

Lisa frowned. “You probably hate me, don’t you?”

Halfway to the door, Castiel spun around, facing Lisa again. “What?” Lisa was confronting him head on, without any bullshit or preamble. That took guts.

Lisa leaned against her blue Subaru, sipping her beer. “You hate me because Dean is your best friend, and I have no doubt that he’s gone crying to you about every mean thing I’ve ever said to him. I’ve known Dean since I was fourteen. I know all his tricks.”

Castiel blinked, taking a few steps closer. “What tricks?”

“Dean loves playing the victim,” Lisa said. “In front of my son, and everyone else. Didn’t you see him in there, with his minor burn and everyone hovering around him? He lives for that shit. Meanwhile, I’m the bad guy for telling him how idiotic it was for him to try to launch fucking fireworks in our backyard.”

Castiel scoffed. “If you really think that about him, then why are you still with him? Is it simply obligation? If there’s no love there on your side, I don’t see what you’re doing with Dean, Lisa.”

Lisa stared at an oil stain on the ground, picking at the label on her beer. “To tell you the truth, Castiel, I have no idea.”

Castiel hadn’t expected Lisa to answer with that. Was she admitting that she didn’t love Dean anymore? What the hell did this mean? But as much as Castiel might dislike Lisa—especially tonight—the last thing Castiel wanted was to break up her relationship with Dean. Ben was in the middle of it, and Castiel knew how much Ben meant to Dean. Besides, Castiel was still technically trying not to meddle in their relationship, not more than he already had. “Have you considered going to couple’s therapy? I’ve heard it works for a lot of couples.”

Lisa met his gaze and she smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “Therapy won’t solve our problems. Dean and I never had that connection, you know, the one that makes your knees weak, and your heart flutter. I’ve loved him many times in my life. What’s not to love? Dean is kind and honest and hard-working. But there’s love, and then there’s _love_.” Lisa bit her lip, eyes far away. “Love that sweeps you away. All consuming. The kind that ignites a fire inside you that never goes out.”

Pushed by the strange candidness of the conversation, Castiel asked, “Did you have that with Benjamin West?”

Lisa smirked. “See, I knew that Dean had gone to you with all the dirty gossip.”

Castiel decided to ignore that. “Well?”

“Yeah, I had that with Benjamin,” Lisa said, shrugging. “Too bad Benjamin didn’t feel the same way, or he’d be here right now.”

Castiel frowned, not liking how she was nicer to the man who abandoned her son than the person who raised him. “You can’t choose who you love. But you can choose how to treat others. Dean is Ben’s father, Lisa. He’s hurting a lot. If you still feel some love for Dean, however potent, I’d suggest being a little kinder to him. You and Ben are his entire world.”

“Dean means a lot to Ben,” Lisa said, sounding as if she hadn’t heard a word Castiel was saying.

“Yeah. He does.”

Lisa sipped her beer again. “But Dean isn’t my husband. And he isn’t Ben’s father.”

Castiel huffed, beyond frustrated with the stubborn woman. “The title of ‘father’ should be given to the man who raises his children, not the one who was only good enough to provide his seed. My so-called father never spent one holiday with me. He never played sports with me. He rarely shared a meal with me, if ever. And when he ran out on my family to be with a younger woman, I swore I’d never call that man my father again. Dean may not be Ben’s blood, but already he’s a thousand times more worthy of that title than Benjamin West.”

Lisa cocked her head to the side, eyes staring somewhere beyond Castiel. He still felt like she wasn’t really taking in what he was saying. Instead, Lisa needed to say her piece, and since she wasn’t talking to Dean about it, Castiel was the next best person.

“You might be right,” Lisa admitted, which took Castiel by surprise. “But I can guarantee that when Ben is a little older, he’ll start asking questions about his real dad. He’ll want to know him. It’s why I sought him out and invited him to come here. Ben can’t live the rest of his life wondering where his real father is.”

Castiel gaped at her. “ _You_ sought _him_ out? I thought he’d reached out to you first.”

Lisa met his gaze. “I thought only women told each other this much private stuff.”

“Dean and I are close.”

“Apparently.” Lisa raised an eyebrow. “What else has he told you about me? That I’m some kind of monster?”

Castiel shook his head. How little Lisa knew Dean. “He’s told me that he wants to grow old with you. Those rocking chairs we brought the other day were so important to him because he’d always envisioned the two of you on them, gray-haired. Lisa, believe me when I tell you that Dean is crazy about you. Don’t hurt him if you don’t have to.”

For the first time, Lisa was speechless. She stared back at Castiel like he had just told her a spaceship had landed on her front lawn. 

Castiel cleared his throat. “I should get back to the party.”

“Castiel?”

“Yes?”

“Let’s keep this conversation between us. For Dean’s sake.”

Castiel would be insane to tell any of this to Dean. What good would it do to Dean knowing that the woman he loved was still stuck on the man who abandoned her? “Of course.”

“Thanks,” Lisa said. “For listening to me. I don’t have a Castiel of my own to confide in.”

“There’s always Amelia.”

“Yeah, I know. You and Amelia are good people.”

“And you’re not a monster.”

Lisa smiled ruefully. “That’s probably the nicest compliment you’ve ever given me.”

Castiel returned to the backyard, sitting between Amelia and Dean as Bobby recounted a story about one of their favorite Fourth of July celebrations spent at a lake as kids. Dean and Sam kept chipping in with their own commentary, consisting mostly of them embarrassing each other.

The night had settled over them like a blanket, keeping them close and tight. But it was hard for Castiel to engage in their easy banter, worrying about what Lisa’s confession would mean for the future of her relationship with Dean.

Maybe it was stupid of Castiel to let someone else’s relationship gnaw at him this way, but Dean’s happiness was important to him.

Castiel had to protect Dean.

**Dean**

When the doorbell rang, Dean ignored it. He was still going over his long list of items he absolutely could not forget to bring on his camping trip. Ben had supposedly packed his own bag, but that meant nothing coming from a five year old. Luckily, Dean had gone back to check the bag, finding that, yes, Ben had only packed toys in his bag. Dean had laughed and then repacked Ben’s bag with his clothes, leaving only Doug the Dog inside because Ben would probably ask for him at some point.

“Dean, it’s very rude to leave your guests hanging at the door,” Castiel said, letting himself in the house with the spare key. They’d gone over this so many times. If Castiel still wanted to wait outside ringing the doorbell, that was his problem. “You said we’d be leaving at 6:00 pm, and it’s now 6:02.”

Dean gave him a look. If Castiel had one flaw, it was that he was always ridiculously punctual. “Two minutes won’t kill you. Sit down. I’m almost done.”

Castiel threw his heavy backpack on the couch and went to stand beside Dean at the kitchen island. “What are you doing?”

“Going over my list. Did you set _Dr. Sexy_ to record on your DVR?”

“Is that really on your list? But yes, I did.”

“Good. Did you remember your sleeping bag?”

Castiel nodded. “Did you remember the tent? Because you said we only needed the one. I could still buy one.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Cas, my tent is big enough for, like, five people. You and Ben are small, so all three of us will fit fine.”

“For the last time, I am not small, Dean. We’re basically the same height.”

“You wish. I’m at least three inches taller.”

“Alright, do you want to keep arguing about this, or do you want to hit the road before it’s too dark?”

Dean sighed, putting down his list. “You’re right. We have a long drive ahead of us.”

“How long?”

“Well, we’ve got a spot reserved at the Chickasaw National Recreation Area, and that’s about an hour and a half drive from here.”

Castiel groaned. “Dean, why are we going so far away? We’re in Oklahoma. It’s all wilderness here.”

“Because that place is beautiful. Why wouldn’t we go there?”

“It’ll be really dark by the time we get there.”

“That’s why I packed flashlights, genius.”

Castiel looked a bit more relaxed with that. “Where’s Ben?”

“He’s pooping before the long drive.”

“Oh. Good.”

Just then, Ben walked into the kitchen, running up to Castiel with his usual cheeriness, hugging him tight. “Hi, Uncle Cas!”

“Hi, honey,” Castiel said, kissing the top of his head. “Are you ready to go camping?”

“Yes! Dad said we’ll go swimming there. I don’t need a floatie anymore.”

Castiel chuckled. “That’s right. You’re a great swimmer now.”

“Go say bye to your mom, Ben,” Dean said, picking up his backpack from the floor and carrying it on his shoulders. 

“Okay,” Ben said, heading for the bedroom.

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “Are you not going to tell Lisa goodbye?”

Dean shook his head. “Don’t need to. Let’s go.” When Lisa had gotten home from work earlier Dean had reminded her of the trip, but she’d barely acknowledged his presence in the living room. All she’d said in response was, “Take good care of Ben” as if something like that needed to be said.

Once Ben returned from the bedroom, they all climbed inside the Impala and they were off on the road. They were playing I Spy with Ben, who was having a lot of fun getting them to guess that he was describing cows and horses over and over again because their scenery mostly consisted of that. Halfway through the drive, Ben had to take a pee break. Dean pulled up at a gas station, and he took Ben to a shockingly clean public restroom while Castiel bought a bag of Cheetos. Ben ended up eating most of them.

At around 8 pm they arrived at the camping site. Ben ran out of the car like he’d been held prisoner in it, but Castiel stopped him from wandering too far without them.

They had to hike about ten minutes from the car to their reserved spot right by the lake. Dean and Castiel lit the way with the flashlights with Ben walking in the middle for safety. 

“This is it,” Dean said, dropping his backpack and rolling his slightly sore shoulders.

Castiel let out a long breath. “Thank God. I’m tired of walking.”

“Are you serious? That was the shortest hike I’ve ever taken in my life.”

“Well, not all of us are so used to the wilderness, Dean.”

“Dad, I need to pee again,” Ben said.

“That’s because Uncle Cas gave you too much water in the car.”

Castiel scoffed. “Since when is too much water a bad thing? He was eating. He could have choked without the water.”

Dean ignored him, looking at Ben. “Kiddo, just pick a tree and piss on it. Nature is your new restroom.”

“You mean, like a dog?” Ben asked.

Dean smiled. “Yeah, we all get to be a little bit like Dandy for the next few days.”

“Okay,” Ben said, walking a few feet away.

Dean pointed his flashlight at Castiel, who was frowning. “Who pissed on you?”

“You didn’t say anything about needing to do my business out in the open,” Castiel said.

“What did you expect? This is the real deal, man. And if you gotta go number two, I brought a shovel.”

Castiel scrunched up his nose in disgust. “Dear God, what did I get myself into?”

“Oh, come on. You’re gonna love it. Now move out of the way while I pitch the tent.”

“Do you need me to help?”

Dean laughed. “No, I just need you to move. Keep Ben busy.”

“Dad, I peed on two trees,” Ben said.

“Good job, kiddo,” Dean said. “I’d give you a high five, but I know you haven’t washed your hands.”

Castiel dug in his backpack. “I have hand sanitizer, Ben. Hang on.”

“Always be prepared, right, Boy Scout?” Dean grinned as he set down the flashlight on a boulder that lit up the area where he would set the tent.

“If I was a Boy Scout I would know a bit more about camping,” Castiel muttered, squeezing hand sanitizer onto Ben’s hands. “There you go, honey.”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” 

While Castiel kept Ben entertained by telling him about the day he and Amelia had found Dandy on the street as a stray and adopted her, Dean got the tent set up, and rolled out all three of their sleeping bags inside. He smiled, thinking back on all the times there had only been two sleeping bags in this tent—for Dean and Sam. It was strange being here without Sam, but Dean had learned to let Sam be independent over the years. Now he got to pass on these traditions to Ben. Bringing Castiel along was the icing on the cake. 

Dean started a fire with a fire starter and a few sticks of wood he was able to gather. He’d only keep the fire going for a short while tonight before going to sleep. In the morning, he’d start it up again for breakfast.

“Who wants s’mores?” Dean asked.

“I do, I do!” Ben said, raising his hand.

“Alright, come sit on this log,” Dean said. “But don’t put your hand in the flames, alright? I’ll get the marshmallows out. Cas, can you get the graham crackers and chocolate?”

“Sure,” Castiel said.

The three of them sat huddled close together by the fire with Ben sandwiched between them. The night was slightly chilly, but it wouldn’t be a problem overnight because they had zero degree sleeping bags. 

Sitting out in the middle of nowhere with Ben and Castiel, away from home, away from all responsibilities and concerns and issues, Dean could finally breathe freely. There were no problems out here. Only two of his favorite people and s’mores.

After roasting their marshmallows, they placed them inside two graham crackers and the chocolate for the perfect night treat. Dean looked up and he could see hundreds, if not thousands, of stars in the sky. Back in the city, it was rare to see up to ten stars, but here, they were bright and shining. It was almost surreal.

“It’s beautiful,” Castiel said.

Dean turned to him, and saw that he was glancing up at the sky as well. He smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, it really is.”

Ben yawned, leaning his head on Dean’s shoulder. “I’m sleepy, Dad.”

Dean wrapped an arm around him. “Yeah? Well, let’s get you in your sleeping bag. First, you gotta get comfortable. Let me get your pajamas.”

“Okay,” Ben said. And when Dean let him go, Ben leaned his head on Castiel’s shoulder. Castiel smiled.

After getting Ben changed and in his sleeping bag, Dean kissed his forehead. Then Dean gave him Doug the Dog and Ben clutched him in his arms, his eyes fluttering closed. 

Dean went back out to sit by the fire beside Castiel, who was roasting another marshmallow. “This is nice, isn’t it?”

“Mmm,” Castiel said.

They sat in easy silence as they continued roasting marshmallows, eating them on their own. Dean was getting tired, too. It had been a long drive and getting everything set up had worn him out more than he’d like to admit.

“Wanna go to bed?” Castiel asked, glancing at him.

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I think we might as well call it an early night. We’ll have a more productive day tomorrow.”

Castiel stood and then groaned.

“What is it?”

“I need to take a piss,” Castiel said, like it was a major inconvenience.

“Take a flashlight with you.”

“Are you sure I won’t run into any bears, or snakes, or any other scary things?”

“You’ll be alright,” Dean said, standing up. His knees made a funny noise when he stretched his legs. God, he was definitely no longer in his twenties. “I’ll come with you.”

They walked about fifteen feet from the tent to take a piss side by side. As soon as they were done, Castiel produced his bottle of hand sanitizer and squirted some on Dean’s hands as well as his own. 

“I need to change into my pajamas, too,” Castiel said as they walked back to the tent.

“Do it inside,” Dean said, not understanding the problem.

Castiel gave him a look.

“What? Are you scared I’m gonna see your skinny legs and fall in love with you?” Dean asked, amused. Who would have pegged Castiel for such a shy person?

“My legs are not skinny, Dean,” Castiel said, pinching Dean’s forearm.

“Ow,” Dean complained, rubbing the offended area. “Fine, you’re fucking buff and muscular. Just change inside. I’ll cover my eyes. It’s not a big deal.”

Castiel sighed. “Alright. But don’t look.”

Dean had to laugh. “Did we somehow travel into a Jane Austen novel? Don’t worry, Elizabeth, I won’t see your ankles until our wedding night.”

Castiel glared at him. “Shut up. You might be comfortable with others seeing you naked, but I was the kid who didn’t shower after P.E. because I refused to let anyone else see me in such a vulnerable state.”

“Okay, okay,” Dean said, trying to be more understanding. “I’m sorry I teased you. How about this? You get in the tent right now, change, and then come tell me when you’re decent, and I’ll go inside. Will that help?”

“Yes,” Castiel said, letting out a long breath. “Thanks, Dean.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Dean put out the fire with some water while he waited for Castiel to be done changing. The night was so quiet and calm that it was almost a shame that Dean was so tired. He wanted to lay down on the grass and look up at the constellations and maybe just fall asleep out in the open. But Dean wasn’t here alone, and it would probably be more comfortable sleeping inside the tent, especially with the cool wind rustling the leaves at the moment.

Castiel stuck his head out of the tent. “I’m all done.”

“Oh, good.” Dean entered the tent and took off his shoes, leaving them in the corner of the tent, and then he slipped out of his jacket. Dean didn’t bring pajamas. He was going to sleep in his t-shirt and boxer briefs.

Castiel had already gone inside his sleeping bag, and he was zipping himself in. 

“Hey, Cas,” Dean whispered in the darkness. He could only distinguish Ben and Castiel’s shadows without the flashlights. “I’m gonna sleep in my underwear. Are you gonna freak out?”

There was a moment of silence before Castiel chuckled quietly. “I’ll be okay.”

“Awesome,” Dean whispered back, taking off his jeans and tossing them in the corner with the rest of his stuff. Then he got inside his sleeping bag, leaving it unzipped in case he got hot through the night.

Now that he was inside the tent, away from the starry night, Dean wasn’t as sleepy as he’d been before. He yawned and then turned on his side, facing a sleeping Ben. Although Dean couldn’t see his face, he could picture the peaceful look and half-opened mouth as he breathed evenly. Dean had never loved anyone as much as he loved Ben. Not even Lisa. Dean had never known love before Ben was born. The moment that tiny baby was in his arms, Dean thought he would burst with the vast amount of love he suddenly felt for such a small human. Unconditional love that would never go away. Love that had been seared in Dean’s heart forever. 

“Good night, kiddo,” Dean said into the darkness. “Good night, Cas.”

“Good night, Dean,” Castiel whispered back.

**Castiel**

Castiel woke up slowly to the song of birds and the soft music of a video game. When he opened his eyes, he saw Ben, wide awake, playing on Dean’s phone. Castiel yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Good morning, Ben.”

Ben looked over at him with a sweet smile. “Good morning, Uncle Cas. Dad said I could play with his phone because he wanted to sleep ten more minutes.”

That sounded like a deal Dean would make. 

“Are you hungry?” Castiel asked.

Ben nodded. “I’m gonna wake up Dad when the timer on the phone goes off. Then we can eat breakfast.” 

Dean was sound asleep on his side facing them, mouth completely open with drool slipping out onto the sleeping bag. Dean was snoring very lightly, and he had one arm slightly draped around Ben, like he feared he’d slip away from him while he slept.

Castiel smiled. “Alright. I’ll be right back.” 

He unzipped the sleeping bag and crawled out of the tent, stretching his legs and arms once he was up. It was strange, waking up outdoors for the first time ever. But a good strange. Castiel almost wished he’d brought his laptop to get some writing done, but he knew that wasn’t why they were out here. Dean might have made this trip sound like it was to thank Castiel for being a good friend, but by now Castiel knew Dean like the palm of his hand. Dean had wanted an escape. From Lisa, from work, from everything except for Ben. And if Dean wanted to escape, then Castiel would escape with him.

Castiel wandered off to pee, and then he brushed his teeth using the water from one of the water bottles they had packed. 

When he got back, he found Dean making breakfast by the fire. Castiel went to sit on the log beside Ben who was still using Dean’s phone. 

“So, what’s on the agenda today?” Castiel asked.

“I thought we might go hiking,” Dean said.

Castiel made a face. He liked working out when working out involved lifting weights. But he’d always avoided cardio. And hiking was probably the worst type of cardio Castiel could imagine himself doing. Walking in nature just sounded like a recipe for disaster. What if they came across a bear? A snake? A mountain lion even? 

“Dean, can’t we just sit here and take in the scenery?” Castiel asked.

Dean turned to him. “Why don’t you wanna go for a hike? It’s a nice day.”

“I hate hiking. There’s bugs, and you mentioned bears before. Think of Ben. Do you want Ben to find a bear out there?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Cas, I promise you we won’t run into any bears. Just trust me. Hiking will be fun.”

Castiel held Dean’s gaze. “Is there nothing I can say to talk you out of this?”

Dean smiled. “Nope. So get ready. We're hiking after breakfast.”

They hiked after breakfast...and it wasn’t the end of the world.

Truth be told, Castiel was enjoying it just a little. It was hot and Castiel was sweating too much to be comfortable, but Dean and Ben were great company. Dean was leading the way, Ben followed close behind, and Castiel tried to keep up with both of their paces. As they walked, Dean warned them both about an ant hill, which Ben missed, but Castiel stepped on accidentally.

“Fuck,” Castiel muttered, shaking off his shoe.

“Didn’t I just tell you to watch out for that?” Dean asked, glancing over his shoulder.

“You did,” Castiel said with a sigh.

“Uncle Cas?” Ben slowed his pace to walk beside him. “You said a bad word.”

Castiel winced. “I guess I did. Sorry. I really shouldn’t have. You shouldn’t say it either.”

“Uncle Cas doesn’t like nature as much as we do, Ben,” Dean said. “We gotta go easy on him.”

“This isn’t terrible,” Castiel said, walking faster to catch up to Dean. Then, the three of them walked together. “I’m having a lot of fun. Thank you for inviting me.”

Dean gave Castiel a soft smile. “Thanks for agreeing to come. There’s no one else I’d rather have here with me than you and Ben.”

Warmth seeped into Castiel. Dean sounded so sincere. It was impossible to doubt the sentiment. “You’re sweet.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “I am?”

“Yes, you are.”

Dean looked down, smiling. 

As fun as the hike had been, when they made it back to their camp safely, Castiel was flooded with relief. He slumped down on one of the logs, ready to stay there forever. He was exhausted.

“Can we go swimming now?” Ben asked.

Castiel looked up at Dean. “Swimming? Right now?”

Dean kicked his shoe against Castiel’s. “Come on, don’t be such a wimp. Your nephew wants to go swimming. You’re gonna say no to such a cute face?”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “I take back what I said earlier. You’re not sweet. You’re evil.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, okay. Go get changed. You can use the tent. Ben and I will change out here.”

Castiel ran a hand through his sweaty hair. Maybe a cold swim would do him good.

All three of them changed into their swimming trunks, and they were off to the lake, which was far closer than the parking lot. Castiel stuck close to Dean and Ben as they walked because they were both way too fast for Castiel to keep up with sometimes.

The lake was actually kind of amazing. The water looked clean and refreshing, especially now that the temperature had risen. Castiel was hot and sweaty from the long hike, so at the moment, there was nothing that looked as good as the lake. 

“Wanna jump in?” Dean asked, looking from Ben to Castiel.

“Yeah!” Ben said, jumping up and down.

“Why not?” Castiel said.

“Let’s do it all together,” Dean said, holding Ben’s hand, and then Ben held Castiel’s hand. “On the count of three. One, two, three.”

They all ran the short distance and then jumped inside. When they came back up, they were laughing. Ben splashed water at both of them, and Castiel swam away only for Ben to swim after him, confidently and expertly. Ben jumped behind Castiel, wrapping his arms loosely around his neck.

Castiel swam with him back to Dean, who was now floating on his back. “I love this place.”

Dean chuckled. “It’s not so bad, is it?”

“No.”

“Are there sharks here?” Ben asked from behind.

“No, kiddo,” Dean said. “Sharks live in the ocean. With the whales and the dolphins.”

“Ohhh,” Ben said.

Dean eyed Castiel curiously. “So, how come you were so weird about me not seeing you changing, but you’re okay with me seeing you in only your swimming trunks?”

“That’s different,” Castiel said. “I don’t mind you seeing my hot abs.” Castiel grinned teasingly. He didn’t really have defined abs. It was a work in progress. “I just don’t like changing in front of people.”

“So, I can’t see the process, but I can see the final product?” Dean smirked.

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “Look, it doesn’t matter. Let’s focus on swimming. How about we race each other? From here to that rock over there.”

“Yes!” Ben yelled, hopping off of Castiel’s back. 

“Oh, you’re on,” Dean said.

And so, they raced each other. The best out of five won, which was Ben because Castiel and Dean wouldn’t dream of stealing his victory. Ben celebrated by doing some more laps, going from Castiel to Dean. Ben’s good energy was contagious, and Castiel found that he was really enjoying himself. Being here with Ben and Dean was like a breath of fresh air from Castiel’s routine back at home. The only thing that could make this day better was Amelia, but he knew that she wouldn’t be enjoying this quite as much as they were.

Ben’s laughter filled the space around them every time Dean pretended to be a shark chasing after him. Ben would swim towards Castiel for protection, and Castiel would help Ben jump onto his back to keep him away from Shark Dean. Dean stuck his tongue out at Castiel before he submerged his head under the water and swam in circles around them while Ben kept clinging his arms around Castiel’s neck. 

Castiel had not been prepared to defend himself when, under the water, Dean grabbed both of Castiel’s feet, making him jump, trying to escape.

“Did he get you?” Ben asked, excitedly.

“Yeah, the shark got me,” Castiel said, shaking his legs, trying to free himself before he sank under the water. “You might want to let go of me in case I go down, Ben.”

Ben let go, swimming a few feet away, trying to locate Shark Dean.

“Dean, you asshole,” Castiel muttered, quiet enough not to be heard by Ben. He used his arms to keep himself afloat because Dean was still holding onto him. But not for long. Castiel finally freed one of his feet, and he used it to kick Dean on whatever spot he could find. That seemed to work because his other foot was released.

With a splash, Dean resurfaced, covering his nose and glaring accusingly at Castiel. “You kicked my nose, you bastard.”

Castiel laughed. “It’s payback for almost drowning me.”

“You’re going down.” Dean launched at him, grabbing onto his shoulders and shoving him under the water for a few seconds before letting him come back up.

“Dean!” Castiel shouted.

“What’s that? You want some more?” Dean shoved him down again.

When Castiel resurfaced, he had a mouthful of water, and he spat it out like a fountain onto Dean’s face. Now beside him, Ben did the same. “Way to go, Ben.” Castiel gave him a high five.

“Hey,” Dean said, wiping his face with a wet hand. “Since when did you two team up against me?”

“You’re the shark, Dad,” Ben said. “We have to fight you.”

“Ben’s right,” Castiel said. Then he dove down under the water to grab at Dean’s legs, pulling him down with him. Dean glared at him again, but Castiel smiled, keeping him down there a couple more seconds before releasing him and resurfacing together.

“Rude,” Dean said, wiping his face again.

Castiel splashed some more water on him.

“I wanna be the shark now!” Ben said.

Dean smiled. “Alright, you’re the shark. Go!”

Ben clawed his hands and tried to make a scary face that looked the opposite of threatening before he went chasing after Dean and Castiel. But instead of trying to drown them, he actually took somes bites on their arms and shoulders. That kid had sharp teeth.

“Time out, time out,” Dean said. “Cas and I surrender.” He rubbed his bitten shoulder, where the bite marks were visible. “Shit. That hurt, Ben. I’m starting to think you really are a little shark.”

Ben giggled. “I am a real shark.”

Castiel rubbed at his own bite marks on his forearm and bicep. “You officially win this game, Ben.”

Ben cheered, jumping into Castiel’s arms and hugging him tight. “Thank you!” Then he pulled back to look at his face. “I’m sorry for biting you if it hurt.”

Castiel smiled. It was impossible to ever be mad at this sweet kid. “It didn’t hurt that much, Ben.”

“Where’s my hug?” Dean asked.

Ben pet Castiel’s head before he went to hug Dean. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, too, Dad.”

Dean squeezed Ben. “Eh, it was nothing. But seriously, your teeth are sharp. Are you a vampire? Is my son a vampire?”

Ben laughed again, touching his teeth as if to see if there were any fangs. “I think I am a vampire, Dad. I’m a vampire!”

“Wow, you went from being a shark to being a vampire,” Castiel said. “That’s not an easy task.”

“I’m a vampire, I’m a vampire, I’m a vampire,” Ben chanted, snapping his teeth together.

Castiel smiled at him, because everything Ben did was adorable. When he looked at Dean, he saw that he was looking at Ben in the same way. And then Dean looked at Castiel with the same giddiness. “What?”

“I’m just having a nice day,” Dean said with a shrug.

“Yeah, me too,” Castiel said. “Although, I’m getting hungry.”

“So am I,” Dean said. “Ben, what do you say we get out of the lake and have an early lunch?”

Ben grinned. “Okay! Do I get special vampire food?”

“Of course you do,” Dean said.

**Dean**

In the evening, they ate burgers for dinner while watching the sunset. There was nothing better than this. Dean couldn’t remember a time when he’d felt this relaxed. With Ben and Castiel, Dean could let his guard down. He didn’t need to pretend to be doing okay because when he was with them, he always felt great. The only regret Dean had was not bringing his fishing equipment because that would have been the icing on top. Regardless, it had been a fantastic day.

The sunset had been such a sight that none of them spoke as they watched the sun hide behind the horizon. The sky was a beautiful blend of warm colors that looked a lot like one of Amelia’s paintings. It was so perfect that Dean almost couldn’t believe it was real. When the sun had completely disappeared, they got comfortable on the grass to look at the constellations.

“That one right there,” Dean said, pointing with his hand over Ben’s hand. “That one is Ursa Major.” Then Dean moved their hands. “And that one is Hydra.”

“What about that one?” Ben asked, moving their hands.

“That one is Hercules.”

“Whoa,” Ben said, gasping. “Like the movie?”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, like the movie.”

“That one is Pegasus,” Castiel said, pointing with his own hand.

Dean rolled his head over to him. Ben was, again, in the middle, and Castiel was to his right. “You know the constellations, too?”

“Of course,” Castiel said, smiling. “Who doesn’t love the stars?”

“Which one is that, Uncle Cas?” Ben asked.

Castiel hummed. “I think that’s Draco.”

“Yep,” Dean agreed. “Uncle Cas does know his constellations.”

“I’m not completely useless outdoors,” Castiel said.

Dean grinned. “I never said you were.”

“But I’m sure you thought it.” Castiel smirked at him.

Ben yawned. “I’m sleepy.”

“Already?” Dean asked. “I guess you wore yourself out hiking and swimming with us.”

Ben nodded. “But I had fun.”

“That’s all that matters,” Dean said. “You wanna get in the tent?”

“Yeah, but I’m gonna find a tree to pee on first,” Ben said, sitting up and wandering off a short way.

“God, I love that kid,” Castiel said in earnest.

“Join the club,” Dean said. 

Castiel was quiet for a moment. “I think Claire and Ben will get along.”

Dean looked at him. “You think so?”

“No doubt about it. And it’s good, too. I’m not sure how soon we’ll try for a second. It’ll be nice for Claire to have Ben around.”

Dean hadn’t thought about that. The future had always been a big blur in his mind. There were so many things that could go wrong if he hoped for them. So, Dean had gotten used to just living in the moment. But Castiel was thinking way into the future, and it was kind of amazing that he saw Ben in his future. Dean had never had a friend like Castiel, someone he could trust completely, someone he could see in his life for the foreseeable future. Even when that future was a little foggy sometimes. 

“Yeah,” Dean agreed after a long pause. “That sounds nice.”

Ben returned then, asking for Dean to help tuck him into the sleeping bag. Dean left with Ben, but promised Castiel he’d return. In the tent, Dean found Doug the Dog and gave him to Ben to hug while Dean recounted one of Ben’s bedtime stories by memory. Ben was out before Dean even finished the story, so Dean kissed his forehead and left the tent.

On his way back to lay on the grass, Dean filled two cups full of hot chocolate and handed one of them to Castiel. 

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel said, shifting to his side and leaning up on his elbow to drink.

Dean mirrored the position, and they lay there quietly, letting their gazes drift to the stars that seemed bright enough to light up the sky.

“I’ve never seen you this calm before,” Castiel said, taking another sip.

Dean stared into his hot chocolate, feeling too comfortable to lie. “I think it’s because I haven’t thought about Lisa all day.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Dean sipped his drink. “I know what you’re thinking. If Lisa makes me so unhappy, then why am I with her?” Castiel’s blue eyes said it all. Dean motioned to the tent a few feet away. “The reason is sleeping in that tent, hugging a stuffed dog like he’s scared it’ll run away from him. I love Ben, Cas. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything in my entire life. For him, I would put up with fucking zombies tearing my insides out.”

Castiel looked away. “Yeah, I think that’s pretty clear.”

And it was because this felt so perfect and so surreal that Dean decided he could trust Castiel with his past, too. “You remember that deadbeat dad I mentioned a while back?”

“How could I forget?” Castiel said.

Dean sipped his drink. “His name was John. John had his own dark past. Abusive dad, mom who ran out on them both. My dad, he started drinking when he was still a kid, still in middle school. By the time he reached his twenties, he was a full drunk. That’s when he met my mom, her name was Mary. They met where they worked. They were both mechanics, and the way my dad always told the story, my mom wouldn’t date him until he gave up the drink.” Dean smiled at Castiel. “So, he quit drinking. Even started going to AA meetings. My dad got his act together, and then married my mom. They had me, and then two years later Sammy.”

Dean swallowed, looking up at the stars again. “They were happy. My memories aren’t as clear as they once were. But I remember them being happy. When I was eleven, my mom had a heart attack. She’d had a heart condition all her life, and one day, her heart just gave out. When it happened, Sam was with my dad, they were at the store. But I was home, and I saw her collapse on her way down the stairs. I saw the way she hit her head on the way down, and I ran to her, holding her bleeding head in my arms, crying because that was all I could think about doing.”

Dean shuddered. Even though so many years had passed since then, Dean could still feel the weight of Mary’s head on his lap, could still feel the pain in his own chest when he knew she wasn’t with him anymore. “I forced myself to let her go, to leave her body on the floor so I could grab the phone and call for help. By the time the ambulance arrived, they pronounced her dead. Her heart had given out before she even hit her head, but the blood still terrified me. I had it all over me when they pulled me away from her.

“And then, my dad and Sammy got home, and they found out what happened. The paramedics were still there. When they took her away, my dad...Cas, he lost it. He broke everything in the house. The dishes, the glasses, he ripped up the couches. I had never seen that side of my dad. He left me and Sammy alone and he took off. We didn’t see him until nighttime, and he was beyond wasted by then.” Dean shook his head. “I remember being scared of him because he wouldn’t stop yelling. Sammy had been crying all day, but even he ran to hide in a closet when our dad kept yelling.”

“Dean, I’m so sorry,” Castiel said, touching his arm up and down, soothingly. “I had no idea your mother’s death had been so dramatic. You were just a kid. You and Sam.”

“Yeah, we were both kids, but not for much longer. Stuff like that makes you grow up fast.”

Castiel frowned. “I’m sure it can.”

“That was just the beginning of the end, though,” Dean said, eyes far away. “Once my dad started drinking, he didn’t stop. He lost his job as a mechanic, so he couldn’t pay any of the bills. We lost our house eventually, and then we lived in motel rooms some nights or on the floor of some of his old coworker’s places when he couldn’t even afford that. There were few times when he’d get a job long enough to afford an apartment, but that never lasted long. Then we were back to motels. It wasn’t until Bobby, who was one of my dad’s old coworkers, put his foot down and made my dad leave us with him full time that we had more stability than we’d known in a long time. Bobby took us in. He was a bit of a drunk, too, but at least he had a house and he never yelled at us. He never forgot to feed us either. We lived with him until I turned eighteen, and I got a job as a mechanic thanks to everything Bobby had taught me. Then I got a place for me and Sammy. It was a tiny apartment, but it was ours.”

“That’s truly admirable, Dean.” Castiel cleared his throat. “What happened to your dad?”

“He died,” Dean said, easily. “Organ failure, which makes sense, considering the life he led.”

“I’m sorry.”

But John’s death didn’t hurt as much anymore. “Sam studied so hard in school,” Dean said, smiling proudly. “He got a full ride to Stanford. He lived out in California until he was done with school, and then he moved back to Oklahoma City. I never thought he’d come back once he left, but he did. And I’m so glad he did because I wouldn’t have been able to ask him to come back as much as I wanted him to. I’m glad he’s around, even though he’s busy almost always. It’s a comfort to know he’s just a short drive away.”

Castiel nodded. “I can imagine. The two of you only had each other for the majority of your lives.”

“Yeah. But now I have Lisa and Ben to take care of. I would give everything for them.”

“I know you would. You’re a good man, Dean. The best I know.”

Dean had never been good with compliments, so he looked anywhere but at Castiel. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself.”

Castiel smiled, dropping his hand from Dean’s arm and tearing some of the grass from the ground. “Do you remember me telling you I had a deadbeat dad myself?”

“How could I forget?”

Castiel took a deep breath. “Well, my dad was this rich man who owned his own company. He still does, I’m sure. He was never available for things like lunches or dinners with his family, not even on weekends. It was rare when I ever saw him. Anna, my older sister, always loved him, despite him never being around. When I was around fifteen, my wonderful father found himself a very young woman, so he left my mother, and took off with her. That was the last time I ever saw him.”

Dean turned to Castiel and took in his profile. With nothing but the flames of the campfire and the stars to light up his face, he looked somber. “What an asshole.”

Castiel nodded, sipping his drink. “Anna didn’t see it that way. She’s kept in touch with him because she still wants some part of him in her life. You’d think my mom was affectionate when my dad wasn’t, but that wasn’t the case. Naomi was always distant from both of her children. She insisted that Anna and I became doctors or attorneys, something that made us richer. Anna became a doctor. But I defied my mother’s wishes. I told her I was going to pursue a career as an author. You can imagine the disappointment and horror I caused her. Anna, though, she’s her pride and joy. She’s everything I never was. My mother and I haven’t spoken in many years. I didn’t even invite her to my wedding.”

Dean couldn’t hide the surprise from his face. “Are you serious?”

Castiel nodded. “I doubt she would have come anyway. My relationship with Anna isn’t that much better, but she did assist my wedding. I hear from her once, maybe twice, a year.”

“Sounds to me like your family don’t know how fucking awesome you are, Cas,” Dean said. “You’re the best writer I’ve ever read. You have real talent. Has your mom ever picked up one of your books?”

Castiel laughed without any humor in it. “Never. She hates that I wasted my life with writing. I haven’t even told her my wife is pregnant. I don’t think she’d care that she’ll be a grandmother in a few months.”

Dean gaped at him. How could someone be so cruel? Castiel was the kindest, most honorable man Dean knew. How could anyone be ashamed of him? “Cas, buddy, I had no idea that your family was just as much of a mess as mine.”

“I guess that’s just something we have in common, you and I.”

Dean lifted his hot chocolate. “Let’s drink to shitty pasts, but hopefully bright futures.”

Castiel grinned, lifting his own cup. “To shitty pasts, but _definitely_ bright futures.”

They drank their hot chocolate while watching the stars. Sometimes, they would break the silence to talk, but Dean enjoyed the fact that they didn’t have to talk to enjoy each other’s companies. They could just lay on the grass, and be themselves.

Tonight, things were slightly less complicated.

**Castiel**

Being back from camping was bittersweet. On the one hand, Castiel missed the openness of being in the wilderness, the comfort of being in good company and away from all responsibilities. On the other hand, Castiel was glad to be back home with Amelia and within a short walking distance of a proper toilet. Castiel would never again take for granted his bathroom.

It was Wednesday, and Amelia was eating Hot Cheetos dipped in honey as a pre-dinner snack, but Castiel was done questioning her cravings by now. There were three short knocks on the front door before it was opened, and Castiel didn’t need to look up to know who had snuck inside their house.

“Hello, Dean,” he said, not bothering to get up from the couch. 

Amelia tried sitting up from her position beside Castiel, but her belly had gotten bigger than she was comfortable with so she sat back down. Dandy was the one who managed to stand up and greet Dean by the door. “Hey, Dean. It’s nice to see you.”

“Hope it’s okay I let myself in,” Dean said, as if he didn’t love doing it.

Amelia waved a hand. “Please, you’re always welcome at our house.”

“One of these days, we’ll be butt naked on this couch when you walk in, and you will be sorry,” Castiel said, warningly.

Dean rolled his eyes. “As if you were _that_ adventurous. Couch sex? Yeah, right.”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “How dare you?”

Amelia burst into laughter. “I’m sorry, dear, but you know Dean is right. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh.”

Castiel scoffed. He would expect this treatment from Dean, but Amelia? His beloved Amelia? “Ames.”

Amelia tried to stifle her laughter. “I mean, Dean, you take that back. Castiel is very adventurous. One time we had sex standing up.”

Dean grinned. “Standing right next to the bed, right?”

Before Amelia had the chance to reply in the affirmative, Castiel shut down the conversation. He stood up, walking over to Dean and guiding him back to the door. “I think it’s time for you to go home, Dean. You’ve bullied me enough for the day.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dean said, resisting when Castiel tried to push him outside. “I’m here for a good reason. I didn’t just come to laugh at your very boring sex life.”

“Dean, I swear to God, I will kick your ass.”

“No, seriously. I’m here bearing gifts. I made you guys a little something. I need a hand, though. Cas, could you please help me bring it in?” Dean tried to communicate silently with Castiel, but he was none the wiser. “Just follow me.”

Castiel sighed, but he trailed behind Dean. That was when he saw the beautiful crib on his driveway. It was cream-colored with intricate floral designs carved into the wood, making it absolutely unique and unlike anything Castiel had ever seen at any store. It was better than what Castiel had imagined when Dean told him about it. Castiel stepped closer to run a hand over it, still in awe of how much work clearly had been put into building this. 

It wasn’t just craftsmanship, it was art. 

“Dean, this is the most amazing crib I’ve ever seen.” He gaped at Dean. “I can’t believe you built this.”

“Bobby helped a lot,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck the way he did when he was embarrassed. Dean never did well with compliments, even though he often deserved them.

“Thank you, Dean. You really didn’t have to do this.”

“But I wanted to do it.” Dean looked up at him, smiling softly. “I’m gonna be an uncle, after all.”

Castiel smiled. That was true. Dean would soon be Uncle Dean to Claire. “Let’s get it inside. I can’t wait for Amelia to see this.”

The two of them carried the crib inside, and as soon as Amelia laid eyes on it, she started crying. At first, Castiel was worried that she was in any type of physical pain, but she shook her head at his worried questions. 

“No, no, I’m just so happy,” Amelia said, wiping her tears. “Dean, you made this for my baby?”

Smiling, Dean nodded. “Yeah, I wanted to surprise you guys. Cas ruined the surprise for himself a while ago, but I told him not to tell you anything. Bobby helped me build it. But I carved in the designs myself. I’m not an artist, but I tried.”

Amelia walked up to Dean, cradling his face between her hands with raw affection. “Dean Winchester, you are a wonderful, talented, kind-hearted person. I hope you know how much you mean to me—to us. Castiel and I love you very much.” She wrapped Dean in her arms, and then she motioned for Castiel. “Come here.”

Castiel joined them, hugging both of them with open arms. Castiel was filled with the reality that, yes, Dean was an important part of their life, someone indispensable, closer than Castiel’s blood relatives. Dean meant so much to both him and Amelia. How fortunate they had been when Dean had picked out the house right next to theirs.

“I got your shirt all wet with my tears,” Amelia said, laughing as she pulled away.

“I don’t mind,” Dean said, still smiling, but there was a glisten on his eyes with unshed tears. Dean swallowed. “I can help carry it into the nursery, if you’d like.”

Amelia touched his cheek with such care and kindness. “Please. That would be great.”

Dean sniffed. Then turned to Castiel. “Cas, give me a hand?”

Castiel, with a knot in his throat, clapped Dean’s shoulder. “You exceeded all expectations, Dean.”

“Ahh,” Dean groaned. “Stop it. I didn’t come here intending to cry, alright? Let’s move the crib.”

Amelia laughed, touching her belly. “I’m just really emotional lately.”

They moved the crib to the nursery, pushing it up against the opposite wall from the mural, since it still wasn’t finished. Amelia kept claiming it would be done soon, but since she was a perfectionist, that ‘soon’ could mean forever.

“It’s perfect,” Amelia said, standing on the doorway.

“Yeah?” Dean asked. “It’ll look even better with Claire inside it. I can’t wait to meet her.”

“Join the club,” Castiel said, smiling.

Amelia asked Dean to stay for dinner, but Dean had to decline since he had to go home and shower because he’d come right after work. “Another time, then?”

“Of course,” Dean said. “You know I’m always here.”

“Thanks again, Dean,” Amelia said. “You’re going to be the best uncle.”

“And her favorite one, I hope,” Dean said.

“More like her only one,” Castiel said. 

Dean gave him a look. “Alright, I’m outta here. I’ll see you guys Friday, yeah?”

“I’ll be waiting with ice cream,” Castiel said. 

“You better.”

When Dean was gone, Amelia started crying again. Castiel took her in his arms, running a hand through her hair. She had been really emotional lately. This was, like, the tenth time she had broken into tears already this week.

“Is it the crib again?” Castiel asked, kissing the top of her head.

“No,” Amelia said, in between sobs. “It breaks my heart knowing that Dean is so unhappy with Lisa when he deserves so much better. I want to think that Lisa is a good person who will come around, but I’m starting to lose hope that she will. And Dean deserves real happiness. He deserves someone who truly loves and cares for him like he cares for everyone else.”

Castiel leaned his chin on top of her head. “I know, Ames. I want the same for him, too. But you know he’s not going to ever look at anyone else when Ben is in the middle of his relationship with Lisa. No matter how miserable she makes him. There’s nothing we can do about that situation. We can only be there for him, like we have been from the start.”

“I know, but it still breaks my heart.” Amelia continued sobbing.

Castiel kissed her temple. “Ames, sweetheart, I promise Dean will be alright. You know I always look out for him. We have to believe that Dean _is_ happy. He’s made his choices.”

It took a while, but Amelia eventually calmed down. She decided to skip the rest of her honey Hot Cheetos and eat a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream instead. Once Castiel made sure she was alright back on the couch with Dandy, he got started on dinner. He made her favorite lasagna, and they ate together on their dining table. Castiel kept looking over at Amelia, knowing she was on the verge of another breakdown, but wanting to prevent it in any way possible. 

“I have an idea,” Castiel said, picking up their empty plates and taking them to the sink. “How about we video call your parents? You haven’t seen them in a while. I know they said they would fly down once Claire was born, but that won’t be until November.”

Amelia sniffled, petting Dandy at the table. “I guess we could do that.”

Castiel felt slightly relieved. “Great. I’ll get the laptop.”

Amelia’s parents lived in Tampa, Florida so they didn’t get to see each other often. Castiel knew how close Amelia was to her parents, and he’d asked her many times before they bought their house in Oklahoma City if she’d rather move to Florida to be closer to them—even though Florida was the last place Castiel would ever want to live. Amelia had said no because she’d always loved Oklahoma, and she also didn’t love the idea of living in Florida. But she still talked to her parents on the phone at least once a week and they were due for a visit in a few months. Castiel hoped that the video call would lift Amelia’s spirits. He knew she was so emotional due to the pregnancy hormones, but he still didn’t want to see her in tears. It was too much to bear.

Castiel sat beside Amelia and Dandy on the couch as the call connected to her parents. He’d texted her dad, Robert, and fortunately, he and Esther were both available. Once connected, the image displayed a graying man with a long beard in a Hawaiian shirt and a redheaded woman in a sunflower dress. They greeted them with full enthusiasm, and Amelia’s face lit up. Castiel beamed, feeling like he could finally breathe. Amelia was happy and that was all that mattered in the world.

“How’s the mural going, Amelia?” Esther asked, adjusting her glasses.

Amelia grinned. “Mom, you wouldn’t believe how many hours I’ve spent on it. The other night I went to bed close to sunrise. I think Castiel is a bad influence on me. I’m picking up on his unhealthy working patterns.”

“For the record,” Castiel said, “I kept bugging her to go to bed, but your daughter can be very stubborn.”

“Oh, I know that too well,” Robert said, laughing. “But you gotta get a lot of sleep, sugar. Think of baby Claire.”

Amelia touched her belly. “I always think of her, Dad.”

“How’s the nursery, other than the mural?” Esther asked. “Have you thought about having a baby shower so you can get some of the stuff you need for the baby?”

Amelia had been against a baby shower. She claimed she didn’t like the concept of everyone coming together and playing silly games for the upcoming baby. But Castiel knew she just didn’t like having all the attention in the room. It was the reason why she also refused to ever have birthday parties for herself. Castiel wouldn’t force her to do anything that made her uncomfortable. 

“I think Castiel and I have almost everything ready for Claire,” Amelia said. “We’ve been buying diapers and baby wipes. We pick up items every time we go to the store. Oh, and guess what? Dean brought us a crib today as a present. Can you believe that? Dean is so wonderful. I was in tears. He built it himself and carved beautiful designs on it.”

“That’s lovely,” Esther said. “I’ll need to see a picture of that.”

Amelia nodded. “I’ll get Castiel to take it and send it to you guys. Dear, will you go ahead and do that now?”

Castiel already had his phone out. “Of course.” He went to the nursery and snapped a couple of pictures, texting them to both of their cell phones. When he returned to the couch, Amelia was crying again. “What’s wrong, Ames?” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

Amelia wiped at her tears. “I’m okay, I’m okay. Just talking about the beautiful crib made me cry all over again. Mom, Dad, I’m so excited for you guys to meet Dean and his son, Ben. They’ve been incredible to us since the day we met. We couldn’t have picked better neighbors.”

“We’re looking forward to meeting them, too, sugar,” Robert said. “All we ever hear about is these new neighbors.”

“They’re really great,” Castiel said. And then he went on to tell them about his recent camping trip with Dean and Ben. He found himself gushing about both of them, just like Amelia.

They talked some more with Amelia’s parents. She talked about the book club she’d joined with some of her friends from college, which was just an excuse for them to meet and drink wine—excluding Amelia, of course, but she didn’t mind. Castiel talked about his new book without giving away too many details. He was probably more than halfway through it, but he still had to figure out the conclusion and everything else in between. Writing was exhausting, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it.

After they said goodbye, Amelia looked more relaxed. She was debating whether to watch some television or work on the mural when the doorbell rang. Castiel went to answer, wondering who it could be at this time. Only Dean would come over whenever the hell he wanted since he knew they never minded his presence, but he knew Dean would have knocked before letting himself in. 

But it wasn’t Dean at the door, it was Lisa. She was smiling, which was rare for her.

“Hello,” Castiel said, awkwardly. He and Lisa had never really gotten along. Not that they’d ever really argued. But other than that honest conversation they’d had in her garage on the Fourth of July, they didn’t say more than a greeting to each other. 

“Hey, Castiel,” Lisa said, clearing her throat. “I know it’s a little late, but I wanted to see if I could talk to Amelia.”

“Oh.” Castiel raised his eyebrows. He moved aside, allowing her to come inside. “Ames, you have a guest.”

Lisa raised a hand in greeting. “Hi, Amelia. I hope you’re not busy.”

Smiling, Amelia shook her head. “No, I’m never busy for you. Come sit with me.”

Lisa kept her eyes on Dandy as she sat on the other couch. She’d never really liked Dandy, but Castiel had never understood why. Dandy was the most pleasant dog he’d ever known. Maybe she just wasn’t a dog person. 

“Would you like a drink, Lisa?” Castiel asked, trying to remember his manners. 

“A glass of water would be nice, thank you.”

Castiel escaped to the kitchen, filling up a glass of water, wondering what could be the reason behind Lisa’s impromptu visit. Whatever it was, Amelia would fill him in later. For now, Lisa only wanted to talk to Amelia, so he would give them some privacy. Castiel brought her the water and then excused himself to his bedroom.

As soon as the door shut behind him, he called Dean.

“Hey, what’s up?” Dean said.

“Do you have any idea why Lisa came over to talk to Amelia?” 

“So that’s where she went. Honestly, these days I’m lucky if she even speaks to me. She takes off without saying a word. I don’t know, man. I tucked Ben in bed, and she was gone when I came out of his room.”

“And you don’t think that’s strange?”

Dean sighed. “Yeah, of course I do. But there’s nothing I can do about it, so why suffer in vain?”

Castiel went to lay in bed over the covers. “Are things really that bad with you guys?”

“Look, we don’t have to love each other to be together. It’s enough that we both love Ben. The rest will just set itself into place.”

Castiel didn’t want to tell Dean how wrong he was because Dean would never listen to him. Not when it came to Lisa. Dean was deeply in denial about all things Lisa. “Okay, well, I was just curious, so I called you to see if you knew why she was here.”

“Did they kick you out of their private convo?” Dean sounded amused.

Castiel smiled. “Shut up. I kicked myself out. Lisa came asking for Amelia, not me. Besides, I don’t think Lisa likes me.”

“And you don’t like her.”

Castiel didn’t bother denying it. “Well, I’ll let you go to bed then.”

“I’m not going to bed yet. I was going to read the new pages you sent me this morning.”

“Really? Now I’m really eager to hear what my muse thinks.”

Dean chuckled. “I gotta say, I’m really excited about the angel and the man partnering up to kick ass. I wasn’t expecting the angel to have so many fucking enemies coming from heaven and hell after him. I think the man is badass, too. He was this normal, ordinary guy, and now he’s helping his angel friend fight off demons and shit. They make a good team. What are the chances this gets turned into a movie?”

Castiel had never considered that any of his books would be picked up to be adapted into a movie or even a series. His books did well. They sold enough that they were on their second printing, and had been translated into five languages, but he didn’t think he had the hype necessary for them to become movies. But now that Dean said it, his new book would actually make for an exciting movie. Thinking about that made him want to keep writing. Maybe he could make the action scenes even more cinematic. The chances were probably very slim for his new book to get turned into a movie, but it was fun to dream.

“See, Dean, this is why you’re my muse. You always help me think big.”

“I’m glad I’m good for something.”

Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” Dean said, because he knew him too well.

Castiel sighed. “I have no idea how this book will end.”

“So don’t end it,” Dean said. “Write another one. I love the characters. It’d be sad for their stories to end so soon.”

“You think it should be a series?” Castiel hadn’t dared to consider writing a series. He’d always thought his next book would be a standalone. But again, why not dream big?

“Sure. I think this world is bigger than you think, Cas. Think about it. Heaven and hell. That’s fucking epic. You could dig deeper into the whole mythology. Bring in more angels and demons. Throw in an apocalypse. It’s all fair game.”

“I like the way you think. Do you mind if I use some of your ideas? I would give you credit, of course.”

“Buddy, you can use everything that comes out of my mouth without giving me any credit. What’s mine is yours.”

“I think that saying is for romantic couples.”

“Eh, we can use it, too.”

Castiel laughed. “Well, I’ll let you go so you can get to reading. And thank you for giving me the inspiration I needed to get some writing done tonight.”

“Anytime. Just remember to get some sleep. I know you love staying up all night and sleeping all day like a vampire, but you gotta remember you’re human. Even though you don’t really act like it, you weirdo.”

“Yeah, alright, I’ll try to sleep eventually, but for now, I must write.”

Dean hummed. “Good night, Cas.”

“Good night, Dean.”

Castiel grabbed his laptop from his nightstand, and he wrote.

  
  


**Dean**

Dean had been working relentlessly to make Ben’s birthday party a success. Lisa had contributed by making the invitations, but other than that she’d claimed she was too busy to help with the rest of the preparations. But even that hadn’t deterred Dean. He’d asked Sam, Jess, Bobby, Castiel, and Amelia for help, and they’d all kindly agreed to contribute as much as they could. Dean had been eternally grateful to them. Without them, he wouldn’t have been able to pull it off.

Preparations aside, the biggest thing Dean had been dreading about this day was not whether the food would be done right or if the bouncy castle would arrive on time, it was worrying about Ben’s reaction to meeting Benjamin West. Lisa hadn’t told Ben anything yet, wanting his biological dad’s visit to be a surprise. Dean hated that Lisa was surprising Ben this way. A surprise would be giving Ben a puppy, not having him meet his supposed dad for the first time on his sixth birthday. But again, Dean said nothing. He kept his thoughts and feelings to himself because there was nothing he could do about them.

Castiel had arrived first with the sodas and Dean had him put them in the coolers. Amelia was still putting the finishing touches to the cake she’d baked and decorated because her artistic skills didn’t end with paintings. Sam showed up then, promising a truck would arrive anytime with the bouncy castle he’d ordered, while Jess was carrying Ben’s favorite macaroni and cheese. A few minutes later, Bobby showed up with extra tables and chairs for the few guests Dean had invited. He’d taken the time to invite a few of Ben’s friends from daycare, though only three families agreed to come. But that was better than nothing.

Dean was running through the kitchen, finishing up the food he’d been cooking since that morning when Castiel found him. “No time to chat, Cas.”

“I’m not here to chat, I’m here to help,” Castiel said.

“You already helped,” Dean said. “I got it covered. Just stand by the door to greet the guests as they start coming in.”

“How about you go to the store, pick up some bags of candy to give out to the kids as party favors, and I finish up here?” Castiel took the spatula from Dean’s hand, and Dean finally turned to look at him, eyebrows raised. Castiel was smiling softly at him, and Dean knew there was no point in putting up a fight. “Will you just get out of here and trust me?”

Dean let out a deep breath. “Fine. I’ll be right back. But what if...what if _he_ shows up while I’m out?”

Castiel shook his head. “Lisa told Amelia he was running late. Just go. It’ll do you good to get some air.”

“But—”

“No buts, Dean,” Castiel ordered, giving him a look that left no room for further arguments.

“You’re rude for kicking me out of my own house.”

“I do it because I care.”

Dean rolled his eyes, removing his red apron and handing it over to Castiel. “Don’t burn my house down.”

“Go!”

“Jeez. Okay, okay.” 

Dean didn’t realize how clammed up he’d been until he was behind the wheel of his Impala, driving on the road with the windows rolled down. This was a good distraction from all the worries in his mind lately. He was thankful that Castiel had been kind enough to notice how tense Dean had been and how much he truly needed to just get out of the house for a few minutes. After picking up the candy, Dean opened up one of the bags and ate a few pieces, just to test them out of course.

When he pulled back into his driveway, he let out a shaky breath, wondering if Castiel had been right about Benjamin running late. If he was already here, interacting with Ben, Dean wouldn’t be able to stand it. Dean wanted to be prepared for his arrival. He wanted to read Ben’s expression the first time he saw that man, to see if it would make a difference to the way Ben saw Dean. Would Dean be second place for Ben, too? Dean didn’t think he could bear that.

Luckily, when he entered the kitchen, dropping the bags of candy on the counter, Castiel assured him Benjamin hadn’t arrived yet. Castiel had finished frying the chicken nuggets and the french fries were cooling now, fresh out of the oven. Dean was relieved to find that everything was going smoothly.

There was a strange smile on Castiel’s face, like he was going to explode if he didn’t say something. 

“Why do you look so creepy?” Dean asked.

“Come to the backyard with me,” Castiel said, leading him outside.

Next to the bouncy castle that was currently being installed was a wooden swing set with two swings, one of which Ben was currently swinging in. Ben noticed Dean and he waved excitedly. “Look, Dad! I have a swing set. Uncle Cas gave it to me. Can you believe it?” Ben laughed as he swung higher, and Dean’s heart was full.

“Cas,” Dean gasped, looking at him. Castiel had a gummy smile that Dean had become so familiar with, looking at Ben with the same affection Dean felt. But buying Ben a swing set was more than Dean had ever expected from Castiel. “You shouldn’t have. I mean, I can’t imagine how expensive that was.”

“Dean, please,” Castiel said, shaking his head. “The price doesn’t matter when it comes to my nephew. Look how happy he is. Ben deserved a swing set. And don’t worry, I didn’t get it from Craigslist.”

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulders, pulling him in for a sideways hug. “I fucking love you, man. You’re _awesome_.”

Castiel laughed. “Yeah, I know, I’m the best.”

“He really does look happy.”

“It’s because of you, Dean. You pulled this off.”

“Nah, it’s because of all of you. My family. If it wasn’t for you guys, none of this would be possible.” Dean leaned his head against Castiel’s. “Thanks, Cas. Seriously. Thank you.”

Castiel pulled away to meet Dean’s gaze. “It was my pleasure.”

Dean had never had someone other than Sam do something this incredible for him. Something that filled him with warmth. “Ben is lucky to have you as an uncle.”

Castiel looked back to Ben, smiling. “He’s lucky to have Amelia as an aunt, too. I can’t wait for you to see the cake she made. It’s amazing.”

“Oh, I have no doubt about it,” Dean said. “Everything Amelia makes is amazing.”

The guests started arriving soon, and Dean got so busy offering them drinks and bringing out the food for everyone that he’d completely forgotten about Benjamin West. Until he spotted Lisa standing on the doorway to the house, waving Dean over.

Dean looked back at Castiel, alarmed, and then at Sam, who stood from his chair beside Jess and followed him inside. When Dean made it inside, both Castiel and Sam were beside him. He wouldn’t have asked them to stand by his side during this time, but he was so glad they had anyway. The three of them stood staring at Lisa, who was gripping her cell phone in her hands.

“He’s here,” Lisa said, taking a deep breath. “I can’t believe he’s here.”

Dean couldn’t either. “Where is he?”

“Parking his car,” Lisa said, glancing out the window by the front door. “I’ll go meet him outside before he comes in here. Just so he knows what he’s walking into. Dean, don’t tell Ben anything. I want him to do it.”

Dean crossed his arms. The last thing he wanted to do was tell Ben about this man. He wanted to be anywhere but here right now, but he knew he couldn’t run away from this. It was happening, whether he liked it or not. “Alright.”

Lisa opened the front door and walked out, closing the door quietly behind her.

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling like the smallest man on the planet. He had absolutely no role to play here. Dean was the extra, who didn’t really matter in this play. God, Dean wished he could scream into the void right about now. But he had to keep it together.

“It’s gonna be alright, Dean,” Sam said, squeezing his shoulder. “You know it will be.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Castiel asked, touching Dean’s arm.

“No, no, I just have to let this all play out,” Dean said. “Where’s Ben?”

“He’s in the bouncy castle,” Sam said. “Playing with the other kids.”

Dean nodded. “Okay, good. I don’t know how he’ll react when he sees him.”

“It doesn’t matter how he reacts,” Castiel said. “Nothing will ever change the way Ben sees you.”

Dean hoped Castiel was right. He wanted nothing more than to believe him.

The front door opened and Dean took a couple of steps back. 

Lisa stepped through and a tall man followed close behind. Benjamin West had slightly tan skin, slick black hair, hazel eyes—Dean could have sworn he was wearing eyeliner—and a classic bad boy appearance with his leather jacket, black pants, and combat boots. His cologne bottle must have spilled on him because the sandalwood scent felt permanently ingrained in Dean’s nostrils. The only thing indicating Benjamin had noticed Dean was the quirk of a single pierced eyebrow.

“Benjamin, this is Dean,” Lisa said. “And that is Sam and Castiel.”

Dean offered Benjamin his hand because he wouldn’t forgive himself for forgetting his manners. With a smug smile, Benjamin shook his hand, giving it one quick squeeze before releasing it. “Hello,” Dean said, clearing his throat.

“Dean Worcesester, is it?” Benjamin asked in a smooth, low voice.

“Winchester,” Dean said.

Benjamin smirked. His eyes wandered the room with the same quirked eyebrow, but he seemed entirely unimpressed. “Cute house.”

“Thank you,” Dean said, though he was suddenly picturing how it would feel to punch this man’s face.

“Where is he?” Benjamin asked Lisa.

Lisa smiled up at him, her eyes shining like Dean hadn’t seen in months. Lisa wasn’t even bothering to hide how smitten she was by him, though Dean couldn’t understand the appeal. What did she see in him? “He’s outside. I wanted to surprise him. Come on.”

“In a minute,” Benjamin said. “I could use a drink first.”

“Oh, sure,” Lisa said. “What can I get you?”

“A beer. What kind do you have? I only drink Heineken.”

“You’re in luck,” Lisa said. “We have Heineken. They’re my favorite, too. I think you’re the one that got me into them. I wasn’t much of a beer drinker before I met you.”

Benjamin hummed, following Lisa into the kitchen.

Dean ran his hands through his hair, wanting to die.

“What a dick,” Sam muttered.

“Cute house, my ass,” Castiel said. “Who dresses like that at his age?”

Despite himself, Dean chuckled. “I’m so glad you’re both here right now.”

“We’re not going anywhere,” Sam said.

Dean went directly to the backyard, spotting Ben now standing with two other kids, sipping a Capri-Sun as they all pet Dandy, who stood very still as she received attention. Dean wanted to make sure he had eyes on Ben during the entire interaction. It was important to him.

“He’s here, ain’t he?” 

Dean jumped. He hadn’t noticed Bobby walking up to him.

“Yeah, he’s in the kitchen,” Dean said.

Bobby nodded. “Today won’t be easy on you, son, but you’ll get through it.”

“Thanks, Bobby.”

“Ben already has a father,” Bobby said. “That man? He’s just a stranger, and nothing else.”

Dean swallowed the knot in his throat. Things didn’t get any better when Lisa strode through the doorway alone. Lisa called for Ben, who didn’t waste any time running up to her arms.

“Let’s go inside, Ben,” Lisa said, holding his hand and walking him into the living room.

_Oh, God. This is it._

Dean glanced at Bobby, knowing the look on his face was something crumbling, but he followed behind Lisa and Ben.

Benjamin was on the couch, legs spread apart as he sipped his beer. He looked like he’d made himself at home, like he knew he was Lisa’s guest of honor and he was expecting no lesser treatment. 

Dean, Castiel, and Sam sat on the other couch, both of them on Dean’s sides. Lisa sat Ben down beside Benjamin, and she took the empty spot beside him.

“Who’s he?” Ben asked, sipping his Capri-Sun.

Benjamin had the same quirked eyebrow from before, seeming unfazed as he took Ben in. Dean didn’t like the way he looked at Ben, like he was sizing him up. But maybe Benjamin didn’t know how to show his affection. Then again, he’d never really wanted to have a kid before. Why should it change now that Ben was six?

Lisa combed her fingers through Ben’s hair. “Ben, do you remember all those times I talked about your other dad? The one who wasn’t Dean?”

Ben frowned, glancing at Dean. “Dean _is_ my dad.”

Lisa smiled. “Yes, sweetie, but remember how I told you he wasn’t your only dad? You have another dad. This is him. You’re named Benjamin after him. He flew all the way here from California just to meet you. Can you say hi to him?”

Ben shifted closer to Lisa on the couch, shying away from Benjamin, who had set his beer down on the floor. 

“Hi, Ben,” Benjamin said, leaning forward, his folded hands in between his spread legs. “I’m your dad. I know today’s your birthday, and I brought you a present.”

Ben looked over at Dean, and Dean did his best to smile at him so he knew he was perfectly okay with this. But Ben was still frowning when he looked back at Benjamin. “What present?”

Benjamin grinned, his white teeth flashing for a second. He dug inside his jacket, pulling out a small white envelope and he handed it to Ben, who took a few moments to accept it. “It’s money so you can buy yourself something nice. Just tell your mom what you want. There’s enough in there for you to have your fill of toys.”

“Okay.” Ben handed the envelope to Lisa. “Can I go play outside now?”

“Ben, I want you to spend some time with your dad,” Lisa said. “You can play later.”

Ben pouted. “But I wanna play with my friends.”

“Ben,” Lisa said, more sternly now. “You’re going to spend time with your dad. He didn’t come all the way here for nothing.”

When Ben looked at Dean, helplessly and a little sad, it took all of Dean’s strength not to end this entire interaction by scooping Ben into his arms and taking him to the backyard to play with his friends like he wanted. Lisa was pushing for this reunion to be something that it wasn’t. 

“How about a hug for your dad?” Benjamin asked, opening his arms.

“Dad?” Ben asked, but he was looking at Dean.

Dean nodded, trying to mask the pain in his face. “It’s alright, Ben. You can hug him.”

Ben got off the couch and took the few steps towards Benjamin, giving him an awkward hug that was cringeworthy. Ben looked like he was slightly afraid of Benjamin, and Benjamin looked like he’d never hugged a person in his entire life. When it was over, Ben went back to Lisa, keeping his eyes on the floor. Dean wanted nothing more than for this to be over for the sake of everyone in this room.

“Dean,” Lisa said, glancing at him. “Could all of you give us some privacy, please? I think you’re all making this very uncomfortable for Ben.”

“ _We_ are making this uncomfortable?” Sam asked.

“No, it’s alright, Sam,” Dean said, standing up. “Let’s go wait outside.”

Benjamin was smirking at Dean the entire time, but Dean tore his eyes away from him before he turned and walked away.

Dean didn’t breathe until he passed the sliding glass doors, and then he fell sloppily onto an empty chair, digging his hands in his hair. How much longer would this last? He didn’t think he could take much more of this.

As much as he tried, he couldn’t get the image of Ben looking miserable with that man who Lisa kept referring to as his dad. Dean knew he had to keep a straight face and look strong, no matter how ready he was to crumble inside. This was still Ben’s birthday and Ben didn’t need two shitty dads today.

“Man, that guy reeks,” Castiel said, sitting across from Dean beside Sam.

“Right?” Sam said. “I’m glad Lisa told us to leave. I don’t think I could have held my breath much longer.”

“And the nerve, giving Ben money after six years of neglect,” Castiel continued. 

“You can’t buy a child’s affection,” Sam agreed. Dean knew they were having this interaction for his benefit, but it was kind of working.

“Thanks, guys,” Dean said, letting out a long breath.

“There’s no comparison between the two of you,” Castiel said. “At all.”

“He’s right,” Sam said. “It’s obvious Ben wants nothing to do with him.”

Dean shook his head. “I don’t want Ben to avoid his dad because of me. I won’t stop Benjamin from being in Ben’s life.”

Castiel reached across the table, placing his hand over Dean’s. There was a soft smile on his face, and a shine in his blue eyes. “I know it’s taken a lot of courage for you to go through this today. I’m proud of you, Dean.”

“I’m proud of you, too, Dean,” Sam said, beaming. “But I’m always proud of you.”

“Are you trying to one up me?” Castiel asked him, eyebrows raised.

Sam snorted. “Maybe.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. 

Despite the terrible day Dean had been having so far, he managed to smile. Maybe, he thought, this wasn’t the end of the world.

**Castiel**

The day went back to normal when Amelia showed up with the cake. She had never really attempted such a complicated cake as the one she’d made, but she had completely nailed it. And not in the sarcastic way of the ridiculous and hilarious Netflix show. Amelia had successfully sculpted a Scooby-Doo shaped cake. It was about ten inches tall, covered entirely in fondant and modeling chocolate. Scooby was sitting up with a smile. Next to him was a box of Scooby snacks left open, with the snacks spilling out. The amount of detail in the cake was absolutely stunning. Amelia had been working tirelessly on it because she refused to fail Ben. Castiel had never loved her more.

Dean had been so touched that he’d hugged Amelia for a long moment, but Castiel had a feeling he was also seeking comfort for what had happened earlier with Benjamin. Thankfully, bonding time was over between Benjamin and Ben because he was now sitting outside drinking another Heineken while talking on the phone. Lisa and Ben had gone over to inspect the cake. 

Castiel hadn’t seen Ben smiling that wide before. Ben hugged Amelia, thanking her repeatedly before going back to gaping at the cake and trying to poke at it.

“We’ll cut the cake later, Ben,” Dean promised. “You can go back to playing with your friends if you want.”

“It’s the best cake I’ve ever seen in my life,” Ben said.

“It really is,” Dean said, messing up Ben’s hair. “Your Aunt Amelia is very talented.”

Amelia was blushing, but she loved Ben and Dean enough to endure the unwanted attention. “I had to follow a lot of Youtube tutorials to figure out how to use fondant because it’s my first time. I didn’t want to let you down, Ben.”

“Thank you, Aunt Amelia,” Ben said, earnestly. 

“You’re very welcome, sweetheart. Happy birthday.” Amelia hugged him again before Ben ran outside with a couple of his friends.

“You left me speechless for a while there, Amelia,” Dean said, leaning over the counter, gazing at the cake with a dopey smile.

“Come on, you’re making me blush,” Amelia said.

Castiel wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “You look lovely when you blush.”

Dean gave Castiel a look. “Come on, keep it in your pants, Cas. You’re at a kid’s birthday party.”

“Shut up.”

Sam and Jess walked in, wanting to take pictures of the cake, so everyone moved aside to give them room to do it. Afterwards, the two of them took Dean back outside and Amelia and Castiel trailed behind them all.

Two hours later, Dean was laughing so hard at one of Amelia’s book club stories about her friend Sasha who had read a smutty book instead of the literary one they had actually picked because they had very similar titles. Coke actually came out of Dean’s nose when Amelia did a high falsetto imitating Sasha’s glowing review of the book.

“Holy shit, dude, your shirt is all wet,” Sam said, but Dean couldn’t stop laughing. And then, the rest of his Coke spilled on his shirt.

Castiel burst into laughter, too, but only because Dean found the entire thing hilarious rather than embarrassing. 

“Let me find another shirt,” Dean said, about to stand up.

“I’ll get it for you,” Castiel said, since Dean was in such a remarkably good mood and he wanted it to stay that way for as long as possible.

“You sure?” Dean asked.

Castiel nodded, already on his feet. “Dresser or closet?”

“Closet, come on,” Dean said, sounding offended. “If you dig in my dresser, you’re gonna find stuff you’ll never be able to unsee.”

Castiel twisted his face in disgust, trying not to let his mind wander. “Gross, Dean. This is a kid’s birthday party, remember?”

“Yikes, I second that,” Sam said.

Dean laughed again. “Hey, let me live!”

Amelia shook her head, smiling at him. “No judgment here.”

Inside, Castiel made his way down the hall to Dean’s bedroom, but when he opened the door, he saw that it wasn’t empty. Lisa and Benjamin were laying on the bed, in the middle of making out, though still fully clothed. Upon seeing him, Benjamin rolled off of Lisa, and they both sat up stiffly on the edge of the bed. 

At a loss for words, Castiel just stood there, watching them and, quite honestly, judging them for making out in Dean’s fucking bedroom, in Dean’s fucking house, on the day of Ben’s birthday. The amount of anger inside him was nothing compared to what Dean would feel once he found out. But Dean had been so happy outside. To think that Dean would have been the one to walk in on this if Castiel hadn’t volunteered to grab his shirt. 

“Castiel,” Lisa said, wiping the smeared lipstick off of her mouth. “What are you doing in here?”

She had the nerve to ask him that?

Castiel crossed his arms across his chest and lifted his chin. “I came to grab a clean shirt for Dean, but I’m sorry for interrupting. I didn’t know the two of you were busy.”

Benjamin chuckled, standing up. “Yeah, I don’t need to listen to this.” He turned to Lisa. “I’ll see you later, alright?”

Lisa nodded. “Yeah, later.”

Benjamin smirked at Castiel as he pushed past him. Castiel listened as his heavy boots stomped down the hallway watching Lisa’s expressions. She didn’t look nearly as guilty as she should have. Castiel wondered if she was even remorseful. “

This is why you invited him?” Castiel asked. “To get back together with him? You do remember this is the man who walked out on you, right?”

Lisa scoffed. “Castiel, please, I don’t need a morality lesson from you.” Then her face went serious. “Are you going to tell Dean?”

“Am I going to tell—no, _you’re_ going to tell Dean.”

“Tell me what?” Dean asked, walking into the room.

Castiel kept his eyes on Lisa, daring her to deny what had happened. But he could see the fear seeping into her eyes, knowing she had run out of options.

“What happened?” Dean asked, looking from Lisa to Castiel, eyebrows furrowed, almost like he knew the truth. Maybe deep down he did.

“Lisa, would you care to explain?” Castiel asked.

“Nothing happened,” Lisa said, standing up. She tugged her shirt down before crossing her arms and lifting her chin, defiantly. She glared at Castiel and he was sure that she wouldn’t fess up to Dean. 

“Lisa,” Castiel said, warningly. He refused to be the one to tell Dean. It wasn’t up to him. Dean deserved to hear the truth from Lisa.

“What’s going on?” Dean asked, shifting on his feet.

Lisa took a deep breath, looking directly at Dean. “Benjamin kissed me, okay? But that’s it. He’s gone now.”

Dean’s jaw dropped, looking at Lisa like she’d just punched the air out of him. “What?”

“It was one kiss,” Lisa said. “It didn’t mean anything.”

“You were dry humping on the bed,” Castiel said through gritted teeth.

Dean looked back at Castiel, helplessly devastated. Castiel wanted nothing more than for this not to be true. He wanted to go back a few minutes to the Dean that laughed so hard he spilled his drink. But he didn’t have magical powers. Castiel could only stand by as Dean went through this new heartbreak.

When Dean looked back at Lisa, he asked one thing: “Why?”

Lisa glared at Castiel again, like it was all his fault. “Could you step outside, Castiel? Dean and I need to discuss this in private.”

Castiel didn’t want to leave Dean alone to deal with this, but he knew he didn’t have a choice. So he left, closing the door behind him. As he walked back outside, fists clenched at his sides, his mind went over all the scenarios that would follow this event, and none of them looked good. Dean would suffer a great deal because of this. And what about Ben? How would this affect Ben?

Outside, Ben was swinging with another one of his friends, without a care in the world. It was a wonderful sight. One Castiel hoped would last a lifetime. But something told him things would change soon. He just hoped Ben wasn’t the one that ended up losing in all of this.

“What’s wrong, dear?” Amelia asked once he sat beside her.

Castiel sighed, meeting her gaze before looking away. He couldn’t lie to Amelia. Sam and Jess were looking at him, too, concerned. And then Bobby was there. They were all waiting to hear why Castiel came out looking like he’d just seen a horrific car wreck.

But this wasn’t Castiel’s business to gossip to all of Dean’s family. Dean should be the one to tell them, if he wanted to do so. Dean didn’t deserve the news being spread like wildfire.

“Nothing’s wrong, Ames,” Castiel lied, knowing he would have to tell her the truth in private later. “I just have a headache.”

“Do you want some painkillers?” Jess asked. “I always carry them in my bag.”

“No, thank you, Jess,” Castiel said. “Actually, I think I’ll go sit inside for a little while.”

“Let me get you some water,” Amelia said, following him inside.

Castiel took the water Amelia gave him and swallowed almost the entire glass in one swig. Maybe water would help calm him down. God, he was furious. Anger was making him dizzy. How could Lisa have done this to Dean, to the man who loved her so selflessly? How could she hurt him this way?

“Castiel, dear, you’re scaring me,” Amelia said, taking the glass from him. “You’re shaking.”

Castiel ran a hand through his hair just to have something to do with his hands, and then he gripped the counter. “Fuck.”

It was then that Dean walked out with Lisa, but neither of them looked very affected by what had just happened. It was as if Castiel had imagined the entire thing. Lisa didn’t look at Castiel as she walked past him to go outside. Dean rubbed a hand over his face, going to stand beside Amelia. The frown on his face was the only sign that he’d lost the bubbly happiness from earlier.

“What did she say?” Castiel asked.

Dean shrugged. “Said it was a mistake. Won’t happen again.”

Castiel gaped at him for a few seconds. “You didn’t believe her, did you?”

Amelia blinked, looking from Castiel to Dean. “What are you guys talking about?”

Dean sighed. “Benjamin kissed Lisa.”

Amelia’s eyes went wide and then anger filled her face. _That_ was how Castiel had expected Dean to react. “What the fuck?”

“I believe her,” Dean said, crossing his arms. He almost looked defiant. Similar to how Lisa had looked before.

Castiel laughed mirthlessly because Dean was definitely joking. There was no way he was serious. “You’re kidding, right? You don’t actually believe her.”

Dean refused to meet Castiel’s eyes, looking down at his feet instead. “I have to believe her. I can’t afford not to believe her.”

“Why the fuck not?” Castiel asked, raising his voice enough to have Amelia touching his arm to remind him they were still at Ben’s birthday party.

“Because without Lisa, there’s no Ben,” Dean said, quietly. 

“So you’re going to let that woman cheat on you?” Castiel asked, trying to keep his voice at a conversational level, but finding it very hard to do. “Dean, you can’t possibly tell me that you’re going to just turn a blind eye on what happened. They were on your bed! If I had walked in five minutes later, they probably would have been fucking on your bed!”

Dean flinched, tightening his arms across his chest, like he was keeping himself together, keeping himself whole. “I don’t wanna talk about my relationship with you, Castiel.” His voice was low, but the coldness of it shocked Castiel. Was Dean angry at him? “My relationship doesn’t concern you. You don’t get to make decisions about it.”

“Dean is right,” Amelia said. “We need to stay out of this, dear. Let Dean deal with this in his own way.”

“Fuck that,” Castiel said, trying to get Dean to look him in the eye. “I wouldn’t be a good friend if I let this go.”

“You won’t be my friend at all if you keep talking,” Dean said, lifting his head to finally meet Castiel’s gaze. His green eyes were sad, but so empty. Castiel had never seen Dean this way. It simultaneously broke his heart and infuriated him further.

Castiel clenched his jaw. “So that’s it? You’re just going to continue being her doormat?”

Dean inhaled a deep breath through his nose, narrowing his eyes at Castiel. “Shut up.”

“No,” Castiel said, because he was far too angry to keep his thoughts to himself.

Dean stepped closer, eyes cold and hard like Castiel had never seen them before. “Lisa is my girlfriend, and nothing will ever change that. So I need you to shut the fuck up, Castiel. This conversation is over.”

“Dean, Castiel, I think we all just need to cool down,” Amelia said.

“You’re being incredibly stupid,” Castiel said, unable to bite his tongue, unable to look away from the coldness of Dean’s gaze.

“Get the fuck out of my house,” Dean said. “I don’t wanna hear anything else from you.”

Castiel knew it was the heat of the moment making Dean say all these things, but he felt like the sky was literally falling on top of him at the moment. He never thought he’d see Dean look at him like that, much less say those things to him.

Without another word Dean walked away from him, heading to the backyard.

Castiel thought he was falling then, but Amelia pulled him into her arms, and he clung to her like his life depended on it. He hadn’t been expecting to fight with Dean over something Lisa did. In what world did that make sense? What the fuck had gone wrong there? Castiel gripped Amelia, trying to remember how to breathe. Dean had kicked him out of his house. He didn’t want anything to do with Castiel anymore. He’d forgiven Lisa, but he was done with Castiel.

Holy fucking shit, that hurt worse than a knife impaled in his chest would have.

“Ames, I’m going home,” Castiel said, still holding onto her. “I need to go home.”

“Alright, let’s go home,” Amelia said, carding her fingers through his hair. “You know Dean didn’t mean anything he said, right? He was speaking out of anger.”

Castiel shook his head. “No, he made his choice.”

“Castiel, you know that isn’t true.”

“Let’s just go home. After all, I’m not welcomed here anymore.”

Amelia pulled away, cupping Castiel’s face in her hands. “Of course you’re welcomed here. Dean is your best friend. Nothing will change that. Trust me.”

Castiel didn’t want to think about Dean anymore. He couldn’t believe that this was his new reality. It felt far closer to a nightmare than anything his traitorous mind would conjure up.

In the end, Amelia took him home, and Castiel tried not to have a breakdown the entire walk there. But when Amelia coaxed him into taking a relaxing bath, Castiel couldn’t hold down the feelings cracking his ribcage, so he let them out in hot angry tears.

  
  


**Dean**

Dean cleaned up after Ben’s party for hours all by himself. Sam and Jess had offered to help, but Dean had sent them away, wanting to stall going to bed that night. Now, the house was spotless, Ben was in bed, and Lisa was in their bedroom. Dean had to go in there and pretend that he was completely fine with the fact that his girlfriend had cheated on him in his own house.

Dean didn’t believe Lisa’s story, not for a second. Lisa thought she could blame it all on Benjamin, claimed that he’d kissed her and she just went along with it and that it had been a mistake that would never happen again. _Yeah, right_. Dean could smell the bullshit from ten miles away. And so had Castiel. But Dean had just wanted to repress that shit like he tended to do. Except that Castiel had wanted Dean to openly confront his feelings about Lisa, so Dean had taken it all out on him. Dean had been extremely rude and harsh to Castiel. For that, Dean was sorry. But he’d never been good at apologies. He wasn’t even sure if Castiel would ever forgive him. So Dean did his best not to think about him either.

It was after midnight when Dean entered their bedroom, but Lisa was still awake with her tablet on her knees. As soon as Dean walked into the room, she set the tablet down on her nightstand and sat up. 

“Dean.” Lisa gave him a tentative smile. “I was just going to go see if you needed some help. It’s late.”

Dean shook his head, peeling off of his clothes to change into a t-shirt and shorts. “No, I told you I had it covered. You got Ben in bed, so thanks.”

“Come lay down with me.” Lisa patted his side of the bed.

Dean sighed, crawling in bed beside her. His skin felt instantly tingly from the thought of being in the same bed where Lisa and Benjamin had made out. The mental image alone was making him nauseous. He had to put it out of his mind or he’d lose his sanity. 

Lisa reached for Dean’s hand and held it in hers, and then she kissed Dean’s shoulder. “I think Ben’s party was a success, don’t you?”

Dean shrugged, internally cringing at being touched by Lisa. Fuck, why couldn’t he just let this shit go? “I guess.”

Lisa frowned. “What’s wrong? Dean, look at me.” She turned his head and he was forced to meet her gaze. “Don’t tell me you’re upset about what happened earlier.”

Dean swallowed hard. “No, Lisa. I’m not upset. Like I said earlier, we’re alright.”

“Then why are you acting so strange?” Lisa’s face went hard. “Castiel put things in your head, didn’t he?”

The last thing Dean wanted was to think about Castiel right now and be reminded of how awful and guilty he felt about all the shit he’d spewed at him. “Don’t bring Cas into this.”

“He hates me, and you don’t seem to care.”

Dean closed his eyes and inhaled through his nose. Then he opened his eyes again. “I don’t wanna talk about him.”

“You never want to talk about anything, Dean. That’s the problem.”

“Why do we need to talk?”

Lisa looked like she couldn’t believe Dean had asked her that. “If you loved me like you claim to love me, you’d talk to me. You wouldn’t shut me out like this.”

“I’m really tired. I just wanna go to sleep.” Dean raised his eyebrows. “Is that okay with you?”

Lisa groaned. “Whatever.” She lied down with her back to Dean and covered herself with the blanket.

Dean got up to turn off the lights, and then got back in bed, lying on his back to stare up at the ceiling in the dark. It was impossible not to replay the fight with Castiel in his head over and over again, to relive the anger and disappointment in those blue eyes that had always been so kind to him. Dean’s treacherous brain switched from his fight with Castiel to the mental image of Lisa and Benjamin on his bed. The nausea returned. 

When he heard Lisa’s even breathing, Dean knew she’d finally gone to sleep. Dean realized he couldn’t sleep in this bed, so he grabbed his pillow and a blanket from the hall closet, and went to sleep on the couch. It was a thousand times more relaxing sleeping on this old, ratty couch than on his own tainted bed. Emotionally exhausted, Dean fell into an easy sleep.

Dean hadn’t heard from Castiel in three days. Not that Dean had been expecting to hear from him, but a text to let him know that he was alive would have been nice. Dean had been texting Amelia, carefully avoiding ever bringing up Castiel, so at least he knew that if she had any bad news on him she would have told Dean about it. Or so he hoped.

On Wednesday evening, Dean invited Amelia to Coffee Coffee Coffee. Being in the house with Lisa was driving him crazy. Usually, Dean went to visit Castiel and Amelia whenever this happened, but now he felt like he wouldn’t be welcome at their house anymore. But Amelia wasn’t acting any differently towards Dean, so he felt brave enough to invite her out. She’d said yes.

Dean offered to drive, so he waited for her in the driver’s seat of his Impala. Amelia stepped out of her house, waving at Dean from her front porch before she walked to his car and climbed into the passenger seat. 

Amelia gave him a soft smile. “How are you, Dean?”

“I’m alright,” Dean said, since that was the socially acceptable answer. “How are you?”

“I’m really glad you invited me out. I’ve been working on Claire’s mural nonstop. I needed a break.”

Dean smiled. “Let’s get some coffee then.”

“I’m going to have to stick with green tea tonight because I promised Castiel I’d ease up on the caffeine. It’s been torture, though. Can you imagine what it’s like to wake up without coffee every morning?” Amelia shook her head. “It’s hell, Dean. Absolute hell.”

Dean chuckled. “I really missed you.”

When they made it to the coffee shop, Amelia picked out a table while Dean bought her a green tea, a slice of chocolate cake, a chocolate croissant, and a birthday cake pop. For himself, he just ordered a black iced coffee. Charlie wasn’t working this evening so Dean paid full price. 

Amelia was giddy with excitement when Dean returned with all the goodies to their table. She started with the cake pop, pushing the cake and croissant towards him. “You should have some. I shouldn’t have this much sugar after dinner. I won’t be able to sleep if I eat it all myself.”

“Well, okay.” Dean took a bite of the chocolate cake. It was perfectly creamy. “This is good, but the cake you made Ben was so much better.”

Amelia sipped her tea. “You guys liked it?”

Dean was reminded that by the time they cut the cake, Castiel and Amelia had already left. He shifted on his seat, suddenly uncomfortable. “Yeah, everyone loved it. I should have saved you some.”

Amelia waved a hand dismissively, then she took a bite of the croissant. “It’s alright.” She looked at Dean, eyes filled with concern. “How did it go with Lisa, Dean?”

Dean grimaced, nursing the coffee in his hands. He wasn’t used to talking so openly about these things to Amelia, but he’d lost Castiel. He wasn’t an option anymore. “Things with Lisa are never great, but we’re gonna keep working on our relationship for Ben’s sake.”

“What she did was awful. If you can’t find it in yourself to forgive her, you shouldn’t have to.”

Dean shook his head. “I don’t know if I’m even angry at Lisa. I don’t think I feel much of anything for her anymore.”

Amelia tilted her head. “You don’t love her, do you?”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t really know, Amelia.”

“It’s okay to admit that you don’t.” Amelia reached across the table to place her hand over Dean’s. “You can love Ben without loving Lisa.”

Dean sighed. “I know that.” He just didn’t know if Lisa would stick around if Dean told her the truth.

Amelia held Dean’s gaze for a long moment. “Dean, when are you going to talk to Castiel?”

Dean had known this was coming, but he still wasn’t ready for it. “Amelia, I don’t know if talking will fix anything. I said a lot of shitty things to him I didn’t mean. I’m sure Cas hates me now.”

Amelia rolled her eyes. “Dean, come on. Castiel adores you. He’s been moping around the house ever since the party. It’s getting in the way of his writing even. I know he wants to talk to you, but he’s thinking the same thing you are, which means you’re both idiots.”

“Can we please not talk about him right now? I wanted to spend time with you, not him.”

“Fine.” Amelia sighed. “But you should know that when I told him I was coming here with you, he stared at me for a solid minute without saying a word. I’m sure he’s not happy about feeling excluded.”

Dean really didn’t want to think about all the pain he’d caused or was still causing Castiel. It was unbearable. Instead, he drank his coffee, took another bite of his cake, and switched to talking about classic cars, knowing that Amelia wouldn't protest.

On Friday afternoon, Dean called Amelia to invite her to the movies.

“Isn’t there a new episode of that doctor show you love to watch tonight?” Amelia asked.

“Yeah, but I don’t really care,” Dean lied, pacing around his kitchen. 

Lisa had come home from work, showered, and taken Ben to her mom’s. The house was now empty and eerily quiet. He needed a friend and Amelia was his closest friend at the moment.

“I thought you had a big crush on the guy,” Amelia said. “You told me you did. And I know how much you and Castiel love to watch it together. There’s ice cream and whipped cream in our freezer with your name on it.”

Dean groaned, leaning his elbows down on the kitchen island. “Amelia, stop trying to get me to hang out with Cas. Things are too complicated between us. Let’s just go to the movies.”

“Dean, you know I love you and I love spending time with you, but if I tell Castiel that you invited me out tonight instead of watching that gay doctor show with him, it’ll hurt his feelings.”

“Amelia,” Dean said, leaning back up to continue pacing. “The doctor show isn’t gay just because I have a crush on Dr. Sexy.”

Amelia hummed. “I read an article that talked about how the cowboy doctor you find so attractive is played by a bisexual actor. It made his character popular among the LGBT community.”

Dean smiled. God, he loved Amelia. “What the hell were you doing reading up on _Dr. Sexy_? You never wanna watch the show with us.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m not interested. The two most important men in my life love the show, so I wanted to know more about it. I have to say, the cowboy doctor is not my type at all.”

Dean laughed and Amelia laughed along with him. “Well, that’s good to know. He’s all mine anyway.”

Amelia sighed. “Dean, darling, will you come watch the new episode with Castiel?”

Dean lost his smile. “I’d rather go to the movies alone. I’d take Ben with me if he wasn’t out with Lisa.”

“I’m not letting you go to the movies alone. I’m coming with you. But promise me you won’t keep avoiding Castiel after tonight. Talk to him tomorrow. Come over for lunch.”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “I have lunch plans already, sorry.”

“Then come to dinner.”

Dean winced. Now he was out of excuses. He took a deep breath. “Okay. Yeah, I’ll try to come over for dinner tomorrow. I’ll bring Ben with me.”

“Perfect,” Amelia said, and Dean could hear the smile in her voice.

On Saturday morning, Amelia was at his door.

“Hey,” Dean said, surprised to find her there. “Good morning. Come on in.”

Dean let her inside, and he filled two glasses of water before he joined her on the couch. Lisa was at work and Ben was still in bed, so it was just the two of them again.

“I’m here to make sure you’re still coming over for dinner tonight,” Amelia said. “I figured I should come early to not get in the way of your lunch plans.”

Dean had been dreading their dinner plans. He wasn’t sure what Castiel would do or say when he saw Dean again, but it couldn’t be good. “Actually, I lied about my lunch plans.”

“Of course you did.” Amelia rolled her eyes. “Why is it so hard to just talk to Castiel and apologize about everything that was said? It’s been a week. That’s more than enough time wasted between both of you.”

Dean sighed. “I just think Cas hates me, and I don’t wanna see that hatred when he looks at me.”

Amelia slapped Dean’s arm. “That’s absurd. Castiel doesn’t hate you. Do _you_ hate _him_?”

“No!” Dean said, quickly. “No, I don’t hate him.”

Amelia smiled. “Good. Then tonight won’t be a problem.” She placed a hand on her belly. “Oh, she’s kicking again.”

Dean beamed, resisting the urge to reach out and touch her belly himself. “Could I?”

“Sure,” Amelia said, grabbing his wrist and guiding his hand to a few spots on her belly until she found the one where the kicking was happening.

Dean grinned as he felt the movement. When Lisa had been pregnant, Ben had hardly ever kicked. Or at least, Lisa hadn’t informed Dean when it happened. But it was awesome getting to feel the energy Claire already had well before being born. “That is so cool.”

“I know, isn’t it?”

Dean withdrew his hand, sipping his water again. “Are you hungry? I was about to make breakfast.”

“No, I already ate,” Amelia said. “But thanks.” After a beat, she said, “Castiel made French toast.”

“Oh,” Dean said, like an idiot. Dean loved Castiel’s French toast. 

“I think he was hoping you’d come over to watch the doctor show until I told him you and I were going to see a movie. He pretended he didn’t care, but then he locked himself in his office all night long. You understand why this can’t keep going on, right? This isn’t good for either of you.”

Dean rubbed his hands over his face. Yeah, he knew that neither of them was enjoying the fallout of their fight. Dean had been trying to keep himself as busy as possible to avoid thinking about both Castiel and Lisa. But this had to end. Dean had to talk to Castiel. Dean had to apologize.

“Yeah,” Dean said, looking at Amelia through his fingers. “Are you sure he won’t kick me out of your house like I kicked him out of mine?”

“No, Dean, he won’t do that. That was really rude, by the way.”

“I know. I feel terrible about it. You know I didn’t mean it.”

“Yes, I know that. But he doesn’t.” Amelia held Dean’s wrists and lowered his hands from his face. “I’ve thought it over, and I’d like to stay for breakfast. I’m hungry again. What are you making?”

“Pancakes, eggs, and bacon.”

“Perfect. Do you have black olives?”

“I’m not sure. I’ll check.”

“If you do, can you mix them in with my pancakes? I’m really craving black olives right now.”

Dean made a face, trying very hard not to picture what that would taste like. “If Claire’s giving you those cravings, I’m kind of worried what her eating habits will be when she’s finally here.”

Amelia rubbed her belly again. “I don’t think it works that way, Dean. Come on, let’s go check your fridge. I’m also craving an onion.”

“What?”

“But make sure it’s whole. I kinda just wanna bite into it.”

“Amelia, why?”

“Oh, don’t be such a wimp.”

Dean led the way into the kitchen, hoping not to find any onions or olives around, but knowing full well he’d gone grocery shopping the day before and, yeah, he had both. At least the giddy look in Amelia’s face was worth the horror he was about to witness.

Around 7:00 pm, Dean took Ben next door. Lisa, as she often did, had simply sent him a text that she wouldn’t be coming home for dinner, so Dean was glad he didn’t have to run into her on his way out. Dean stood on the front porch, gripping Ben’s hand, dreading the moment the front door opened after he rang the doorbell. 

Fortunately, Amelia opened the door. Dean let out a breath of relief, to which Amelia rolled her eyes. “Come inside. Castiel is still cooking the pot roast.”

“Dandy!” Ben cheered, running up to Dandy on the couch. Ben hugged Dandy like he hadn’t seen her in years rather than one week. Dean felt horrible.

“Would you like a drink?” Amelia asked, leading him to the living room.

“No, I’ll just wait until dinner,” Dean said, sitting down beside Ben and Dandy.

Amelia touched Dean’s shoulder. “He’s really glad you’re here.”

Dean wished she was right because Dean wouldn’t be able to bear the opposite. Amelia disappeared, probably to go into the kitchen. Dean gulped, not ready for a confrontation. He wondered if he could leave right now.

Castiel walked in.

A quick look told Dean that Castiel looked slightly different. His usual stubble had become a full beard, his hair looked unkempt rather than messy, and he was wearing a funny Hawaiian shirt that Dean was sure he’d never seen before. Castiel didn’t greet him, he just plopped down on the couch opposite him.

“Uncle Cas!” Ben said, running into his arms.

Castiel clutched Ben to his chest, setting his chin on top of Ben’s head with his eyes closed. “Hi, honey. I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you, too, Uncle Cas,” Ben said, holding him just as tightly.

Remorse was a bitch. Dean wished he could turn back time and never react the way he had with Castiel. He had not only hurt Castiel, but his son as well.

Ben filled Castiel in on everything exciting that had happened to him in the last week. According to Lisa, Benjamin had flown back to California the day after Ben’s birthday party. She claimed that he was putting some distance between them after the kiss. Lisa said she preferred that he stay away. But a few days ago, Lisa had told Ben—in front of Dean, mind you—that his dad, Benjamin, would be coming back to visit Ben before school started. Dean hadn’t even bothered asking Lisa for more details because he was done caring about who she kissed or fucked or anything. Dean only cared about Ben. As long as Ben was alright, Lisa could sleep with whoever the hell she wanted.

Dean was glad that Ben didn’t bring up Benjamin in his hurried recap to Castiel. Instead, Ben talked about all the trips they took to the park and the rides on his bike and swinging on his new swing set and reading his new book. Castiel didn’t tear his gaze away from Ben the entire time, like everything Ben was telling him was the only thing Castiel would ever want to hear. Castiel’s demeanor had changed significantly, too, since he’d talked to Ben. It was like a bit of light had crawled back into his eyes. The bags under them were still too big, but he looked better somehow. 

Dean hadn’t slept well either. Falling asleep was always a feat, but now that he had this guilt eating him alive and keeping him away from his best friend, things were so much harder. On top of that, sleeping on the couch and pretending that things with Lisa were fine while having nowhere to escape to had been the closest thing to hell Dean had ever experienced. If it hadn’t been for Amelia, Dean would have lost it.

“The table is set,” Amelia said, suddenly back in the room. “Come on, let’s eat.”

Dean followed Amelia to the table, feeling awkward since he still hadn’t said a single word to Castiel. But it wasn’t like he’d had any time to do it. Dean sat beside Amelia, hoping Ben would sit on his other side, but Amelia asked Ben to sit beside her, leaving Castiel to sit to Dean’s right. Dean knew what Amelia was doing, but he wished she’d made things easier for him. This was already really difficult.

Castiel took his seat, still not saying a word to Dean. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean saw Castiel take a long gulp of his red wine. 

Dean wasn’t even in the mood to drink because of how nervous he felt. Stomach in knots, Dean stared at his plate. “This looks good.” 

“Castiel made it,” Amelia said, when there was an uncomfortable silence following Dean’s comment.

“I love pot roast,” Dean said, poking a potato. 

“Me too!” Ben said, digging in happily.

Dean didn’t want to look at Castiel, not when he was sure Castiel would look back at him with anger. Dean kept his eyes on his plate, scooting his chair closer to Amelia. 

“Oh, guess what, Dean?” Amelia asked.

“What?” Dean was glad that she’d broken the heavy silence again. 

“I finished the mural!”

Dean widened his eyes. “Did you? No way! That’s awesome, Amelia. Can I see it?”

“Of course, I’ll show you after dinner. Well, I’m telling you it’s finished now, but there’s still a few things I might change later on.”

“I think it’s perfect how it is now,” Castiel said.

Amelia smiled. “Thanks, dear, but you know me.”

Dean continued eating, doing his best not to bump elbows with Castiel because of how small the table was. He kept scooting his chair closer to Amelia, hoping neither of them noticed. Dean ate, despite not being hungry. After the fifth bite, Dean started getting hungry, because the pot roast was actually very delicious. Dean was glad he could focus his attention on the food. 

Amelia, again trying to make things less uncomfortable, tried to make conversation. This time with Ben. Ben went on to tell her about picking up his school supplies since he was starting the first grade in just a few weeks. Ben was thrilled about starting school. He’d picked out a Scooby-Doo backpack since he’d officially moved on from _PAW Patrol_ . Ben had also picked out Scooby-Doo shoes, and about ten Scooby-Doo shirts. Because when Ben loved something, he _loved_ it. 

After dinner, Amelia brought out an amazing looking chocolate and peanut butter cake. Castiel had also made it. She cut up four slices, giving one to Ben and asking him to take it to the living room so they could watch Scooby-Doo together. But before Dean could get up and follow Ben, Amelia stopped him.

Amelia pushed the two slices to Dean and Castiel, looking at them sternly. “I’m going to go watch TV with Ben, but you two aren’t allowed to join us until you talk things out.” She shook her head at them before she took her slice and walked away.

Dean sighed, picking up his fork and poking at the cake. He wanted to take a bite, but his stomach was in knots all over again. Was Castiel ever going to speak to him again? When Dean forced himself to look to his right, he found that Castiel was already looking at him. Dean had never seen his eyes look this sad. And it was all his fault. 

“Cas, I’m sorry.” Just like a bandaid.

Castiel didn’t say anything, but he kept his eyes firm on Dean’s. His mouth was forming a straight, thin line.

“I was angry at the party,” Dean continued. “I spoke out of anger. I didn’t mean anything I said. I was such an asshole, and you didn’t deserve any of that. You have no idea how awful this week has been for me. I hate that we’re not even talking anymore.”

Castiel swallowed, looking down at his plate, but not bothering to even pick up his fork. “I’m...I’m sorry, too. I should have kept my mouth shut.”

“No, no, you were right to tell me the truth,” Dean said, quickly. “That’s what friends are for. I was such an idiot. I never believed any of what Lisa said. I was just so humiliated that day. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m so sorry, Cas. Not having you in my life has been hell.”

Castiel looked at him again, and there was a tiny smile on his lips. “I know the feeling.”

“I didn’t wanna hurt you. You have to believe that I never wanted to hurt you, Cas.”

“I believe you, Dean,” Castiel said. 

“Good. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Castiel picked up his fork and took a bite of the cake, smiling wider. “Well, good thing you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

“Are we good?”

Castiel nodded. “Yes, we’re good.”

Dean let out a breath of relief. “Thank God.”

Castiel chuckled. “I can’t believe you avoided me for an entire week, but still chose to hang out with my wife.” 

“Amelia kept trying to get me to talk to you.”

“She did the same to me. She’s very stubborn.”

“Just like you.”

Castiel nodded. “It’s good to have you and Ben back here.”

“It’s good to be back.” Dean took a bite of the cake. “Damn, this is good. You gotta give me the recipe.”

“It’s literally just chocolate and peanut butter.”

“Don’t be a wiseass.”

Castiel laughed. “I’ll email you the recipe later. And the new pages of my book, if you want to read them.”

Dean grinned. “Are you kidding? I’m dying to read that book. Are The Angel and The Man still kicking ass? Do they know why everyone is after the angel? ‘Cause they can’t seem to catch a break.”

“You’ll have to read to find out. I’m not giving you any spoilers.”

Dean groaned. “Fine.”

“Did you really have to scoot your chair so far away from me?” Castiel narrowed his eyes.

“Sorry,” Dean mumbled, scooting his chair back. “I thought you hated me there for a bit.”

Castiel snorted. “I could never hate you, Dean.”

“Well, it’s reassuring to hear that.”

Chewing on his bottom lip, Castiel hesitated before saying, “About Lisa…”

Dean sighed and decided to stay on this talking thing. Castiel deserved it for the pain Dean had caused him. “To be honest, Cas, I don’t care about Lisa anymore. She can cheat on me all she wants. That relationship has been done for some time now.”

Castiel nodded. “And Ben?”

“Ben is the only reason I’m still with her. I think I’m going to tell her that if she wants to go and have all the wild sex she wants with Benjamin, she’s free to do that. If that’s what makes her happy then so be it. All I want to focus on is Ben’s well-being. He’s starting school soon. And apparently Benjamin wants to pay him another visit before then.”

“That man is unbelievable.”

“Yeah, but he’s still Ben’s dad. I have to try to get along with him.”

Castiel placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “You’re a great dad, Dean. I hope I’m half as good a father to Claire as you are to Ben.”

“Come on, man, you’re gonna kick ass as a dad. I have no doubt about it.”

“Thank you for saying that. Now let’s go watch Scooby-Doo.”

Dean followed Castiel into the living room, where they joined Amelia, Ben, and Dandy on the couches. Dean looked back at Castiel, and Castiel smiled at him. Amelia and Ben laughed during a classic running-away-from-a-monster montage. Things were right in the world again.

**Castiel**

Things were back to normal.

On a Sunday in August, Dean and Ben came over to swim. This time, everyone got in the pool, including Amelia and Dandy. Amelia didn’t like swimming as much as Castiel did especially now with her belly that had grown significantly over the past few weeks. She was glowing, and she looked beautiful in her two piece swimsuit. 

Ben loved swimming with Dandy. The look of sheer joy on his face was something Castiel would never get tired of seeing. Dean was happy, staring at his son with pride. 

It was late afternoon when they finally got out of the pool, with pruney fingers and all. They decided to play soccer with Ben, breaking up into teams of two. Ben asked Castiel to be on his team, leaving Dean and Amelia to team up. Dean and Castiel were the goalies while Ben tried to steal the ball from Amelia, who still had enough speed to play a fair game. 

“Come on, Amelia!” Dean cheered for her. “Let’s win this thing!”

“I’m trying, but Ben’s really good,” Amelia said, trying to block the ball from Ben, but seeing it rolling underneath her legs instead.

“You two are toast!” Castiel yelled back. “Ben and I are going to win.”

“Yeah!” Ben cheered right before scoring a goal that Dean was too slow to stop.

“Way to go, Ben!” Castiel called to him.

Smiling, Ben ran up to him to give him a double high five.

“You’re doing amazing,” Castiel said.

“Thanks, Uncle Cas.” Ben ran back to try to steal the ball from Amelia again.

“You need to kick the ball harder, Amelia!” Dean exclaimed.

“I’m kicking it as hard as I can!” Amelia yelled.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Don’t be such sore losers!”

Dean laughed. “Game’s not over yet, man!”

However, Ben and Castiel did end up winning with a score of ten to four which would be embarrassing for Dean and Amelia except that Ben was actually very skilled at soccer. Amelia was panting by the end and Castiel went to get her a glass of water. They all went inside to sit on the couches and enjoy the air conditioning after a long, hot day.

“I am beat,” Amelia said, wiping back her sweaty hair sticking to her forehead. 

“That was fun,” Ben said, sipping his water. “I love playing soccer.”

“I know you do, kiddo,” Dean said. “You’re awesome at it.”

Castiel nodded. “Of course he’s awesome. That’s why we won.”

Ben gave Castiel another high five before he went back to playing with Dandy on the rug.

While they found a Scooby-Doo movie to watch, Castiel ordered pizzas for dinner. Dean claimed that they’d been bothering them all day and they should go home, but Castiel and Amelia weren’t ready to say goodbye to them yet. Castiel was glad that Amelia was always on board with having Dean and Ben around all day as well. Having both of them in their home felt right. Without them, the house was a little too quiet and still.

Ben was sprawled on the rug with his head near Dandy’s belly, propped up on a throw pillow while Dean was sprawled on the couch opposite Castiel's and Amelia’s loveseat. Castiel loved seeing the two of them making themselves at home here because it was their house, too. When the pizza arrived, they hardly moved as Castiel brought it inside,and they ate as they continued the movie.

Everything was perfect—until the doorbell rang.

“Are we expecting anyone?” Castiel asked Amelia.

“I don’t think so,” Amelia mumbled with a mouthful of food. 

Castiel stood to answer the door, and he was shocked to find Lisa on the other side. Since Ben’s party, Lisa hadn’t shown her face at his house. Castiel figured Lisa had realized, correctly, that she wouldn’t be welcomed after what she did to Dean. Castiel didn’t even want to look at her face. 

However, Castiel did have manners, and he wasn’t about to cause a scene with Ben around. “Can I help you?”

Lisa raised an eyebrow, unbothered by Castiel’s attitude. “Where’s my son?”

“Lisa?” Dean asked, coming to stand beside Castiel. He was still holding his half-eaten slice of pizza. “What’s up?”

“You’ve had Ben here all day, Dean,” Lisa said, frostily. “School starts next week. He was supposed to get some reading done and start working on practice assignments.”

“It’s Saturday, Lisa,” Dean said, shrugging nonchalantly. “And it’s still summer. We’re just watching a movie.”

“I don’t care what you’re doing,” Lisa said, crossing her arms. “I’m taking Ben home. He’s been out here all day, anyway. I think that’s enough fun for one day.”

“Are you serious?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Lisa said, firmly. “Go get him.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at her. “Lisa, don’t be this way.”

“Dean, I’m not here to fight.”

“Then why are you here?” Dean’s voice was quiet, but his growing anger was clear.

Lisa pinched the bridge of her nose. “I already told you. Now, get my son.”

Dean turned to look at Castiel, who was doing his best to keep his mouth shut. But he was dying to speak up and, once again, meddle in their relationship. It took all his willpower to simply look away from Dean. 

Finally, Dean huffed out a breath, mumbled, “Alright” and walked away.

_Fuck this._

Castiel stepped out onto the front porch, shutting the door behind him. Lisa stepped away from him, but she was glaring at him now. Castiel held her gaze for a moment. “Why are you really here? Is it because you’re pissed off that they’re spending time with me?”

Lisa snorted. “You think very highly of yourself, Castiel. I don’t give a damn about you.”

“Don’t you? Because I’m pretty sure you still hold resentment towards me after I forced you to confess your cheating to Dean.”

Lisa looked away, shaking her head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“When are you going to stop hurting him?”

Lisa inhaled through her nose, her nostrils flaring. “I’m not going to waste my breath talking to you.”

Before Castiel could respond, the front door opened and Dean stepped out with Ben. Castiel tried to paste on a smile that he knew wasn’t fooling anybody.

“Everything okay?” Dean asked, looking from Castiel to Lisa, and back again.

“Yeah, everything’s great,” Castiel said, allowing himself to frown. “Are you leaving, too?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, might as well. I gotta get Ben in the tub soon, anyway.”

“Come on,” Lisa said, taking Ben’s hand and pulling him away, not bothering to wait for Dean.

“I’ll see you later, then,” Castiel said.

“You sure you’re okay?” Dean asked, holding Castiel’s gaze.

Castiel nodded. “Yeah. Don’t worry about me.”

“Alright,” Dean said, though he sounded unconvinced. But then he smiled and clapped Castiel’s shoulder. “I had a lot of fun today. Thanks for having us over.”

Castiel smiled, this time for real. “Of course. You and Ben are always welcome here.”

Dean squeezed his shoulder. “Thanks, Cas.”

Castiel stood on his porch, waiting for Dean and Ben to walk inside his house before he went back into his own house. Castiel fell onto the empty space beside Amelia on the couch, leaning his head on her shoulder. “I can’t stand that woman, Ames.”

“Dear, we need to respect Dean’s choices, remember?”

“I remember. But I hate what she’s doing to him. There was no real reason why she had to come and take Ben home right now. She did it out of spite.”

“Well, he is her son.”

Castiel groaned. “You’re supposed to be on my side, not hers.”

“I’m always on your side, dear, but I’m trying to make you see the situation objectively.”

“I just—I don’t have a good feeling about this. Something felt off about her.”

“Something always feels off about her to you.”

“Well, yeah, but tonight that feeling was much stronger. She looked _mean_ , Ames. There was so much anger in her eyes. And...defiance.”

“I think you’re freaking out over nothing.”

Castiel turned to face her. “Am I?”

“You are.” Amelia cupped his face with her hand. “Why don’t you go take Dandy for a walk to clear your mind?”

Despite his preoccupied mind, Castiel decided Amelia was right, and he took Dandy out for a walk around the neighborhood. Night walks were often soothing. Amelia had been right to suggest it. Then again, Amelia was always right.

Castiel passed Dean’s house, but it was eerily still, and even the front porch light was off. It looked bleak, almost. Castiel shivered with a gust of wind. The gnawing feeling that something was terribly wrong didn’t escape him, even when he returned home thirty minutes later. He hoped he was overreacting, but just to quiet his mind, he sent Dean a text.

_Are you and Ben okay?_

His phone went off five minutes later.

_Yeah. Why?_

Castiel let out a breath of relief as he typed out a quick reply.

_Just making sure. Good night, Dean._

Even with Dean’s reassurance, Castiel struggled to shut off his mind and fall asleep that night. The concern never left him. Not even when Amelia told him over and over that he had nothing to worry about. Even when Castiel had the written confirmation in his cell phone.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Lisa’s face, twisted in defiant anger.


	3. Part 3: Complications

_“I know you're choking on your fears._

_Already told you, I'm right here._

_I will stay by your side every night.”_

-Marshmello & Halsey, **Be Kind**

  
  


**Dean**

_We need to talk. Come home._

Dean stared at the text on his phone for a solid two minutes before replying to Lisa. 

_About what?_

Dean asked Bobby if he could get off from work earlier today. He was usually done around 5:00 pm and it was already almost 4:00 pm, so it wasn’t an issue. Dean checked his phone in his Impala, but Lisa hadn’t replied yet. Lisa rarely sent cryptic texts like that, so Dean tried calling her, hoping everything was okay with Ben. But Lisa didn’t pick up. Feeling slightly more worried, Dean put his phone away and drove home, speeding all the way there.

Lisa’s car was on the driveway, so Dean felt slightly relieved by that. At least Lisa was home. But why hadn’t she answered her phone?

Dean opened the front door and found Lisa on the couch, clutching her purse in her hands. She looked frightened. Dean immediately rushed to her side, sitting beside her to make sure she was alright. As soon as she saw him, Lisa broke into tears. She covered her face with her hands, bent over the couch as she sobbed breathlessly.

“Lisa, what’s wrong?” Dean pressed a hand to her back. He looked around the room, and it felt emptier somehow. He noticed a few things were missing, like the coffee table books and a few framed photographs on the walls. “Where’s Ben? Did something happen to him or to you?”

“No, no, we’re both okay,” Lisa said, sitting up straighter as she wiped her tears with the back of her hands. “I told myself I wouldn’t cry, but look at me. I’m such a mess.”

“Why are you crying, Lisa? What happened?” Dean studied her face, but she hadn’t met his gaze yet. She looked more embarrassed now than afraid. “Lisa, you said you needed to talk. So talk to me. What’s the matter?”

Lisa ran a hand through her hair, taking in a few deep breaths as she tried to calm down. When she finally stopped crying, she turned to Dean, looking up and down his face for what felt like forever. She reached out to take one of Dean’s hands in both of hers. “Dean, I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you did for us these past six years. You were my rock for most of that time. You were there when I had no one else. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you for that.”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, wondering what the hell she was getting at. His heart was racing and his stomach was in knots, his body was preparing for the worst. “Why are you saying all that? Where’s Ben?”

“I tried to love you, Dean,” she continued, quietly. “I tried so hard to love you like you say you love me. But as much as I tried, I failed in the end. I know I’ve caused you pain, and I’ve lived with that guilt.”

Dean stared into her brown eyes, trying to make sense of what Lisa was confessing to him at the moment. He waited for the pain to settle in, but all he felt was numbness.

Lisa took a shaky breath. “But God, Dean, I can’t keep living like this. I can’t keep pretending that being with you is enough for me. I feel like I’ve been wasting my life at your side. While I’m still young, I think I deserve being with someone who makes me happy.”

Dean withdrew his hand from Lisa’s grip because he finally understood what this was all about; Lisa was breaking up with him. Dean was up on his feet then, running to Ben’s room and throwing open the door in a hurry. It was empty aside from the dresser and the bed. All of Ben’s toys and decorations were gone. On top of the bed rested Doug the Dog—the only sign that it had ever been Ben’s room. Dean turned and stomped his heavy feet back to Lisa, mouth open but unable to speak.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Lisa said, standing up and slinging her purse on her shoulder. “When you left for work this morning, I packed up all our stuff. Mine and Ben’s. They’re in boxes, being sent to California.”

“No,” Dean said, finding his voice. “No, no, you’re not serious.”

“Benjamin can offer us a better life there,” Lisa said, like she was trying to sell Dean on the idea. “Ben needs to be with his father. Please try to understand that.”

“ _I’m_ his father,” Dean snapped. “I’ve always been his father, Lisa. You can’t take my son away from me. You can’t do that to me.”

Lisa wiped her cheeks again when fresh tears rolled down. “I’m doing what’s best for Ben. I need you to see that.”

Dean felt weak all of a sudden, like his body was made of gelatin and was going to topple over at any moment. He forced his legs to stay solid and stepped closer to Lisa, holding her shoulders in his hands. “Lisa, please. Ben is my son. He’s my entire life. You can’t do this. Where are you taking him? I’ll move with you. I’ll sell the house. It doesn’t matter. You can’t rip him away from my life like this.”

Lisa shook her head, lips trembling. “Dean, you know I can’t do that. I had Benjamin take Ben before you got home, to make it easier on both of you. They’re on a flight right now. I know this will be hard on you, Dean. I know that. It’s hard on me, too.”

“Bullshit!” Dean shouted, letting go of her. “It’s not hard on you. All you’ve ever wanted was to be with that man. And now that you finally get what you want, you’re dumping me and taking my son away from me. That’s fucking cruel, Lisa! That’s fucking sinister! Don’t you know the harm you’re causing Ben, taking him away from his dad?”

“Ben _is_ with his dad,” Lisa said, lifting her chin. “It’s better for everyone if we cut ties. I can’t keep confusing Ben by having you around, Dean. Please don’t contact me again. I’m changing my number. It’ll be a clean break. Like we never existed.”

“What the _fuck_ are you talking about? A clean break?” Dean hadn’t realized that he’d been crying until he felt the tears falling on his shirt. “Fuck, Lisa! Why are you doing this? This isn’t fucking right! You know this isn’t right! How can you stop me from being in Ben’s life? Ben has known me all his life—he sees _me_ as his dad! And now, you want him to just forget all that? You think you can erase the last six years from his mind?”

“Ben is very young, and he’ll get used to Benjamin.”

Dean wanted to scream. “Do you hear yourself? You can’t possibly believe any of this crap. Fuck, Lisa, I never thought you could be this _inhuman_.”

“I’m inhuman? For wanting to give my son a better life?”

“Tearing him away from his dad is definitely inhuman. Tearing him away from the life he’s always known. Forcing him to live around a stranger!”

“There’s no reasoning with you. There never was.” 

The moment Lisa headed for the door, the realization fell on top of Dean like a bucket of ice cold water. Lisa was leaving, had already taken Ben away, and the moment she walked out the door, Dean would lose his last chance to get his son back. 

“Wait, Lisa, please!” Dean didn’t hesitate as he fell to his knees, the hard floor probably bruising them. But the pain was nothing compared to what he was feeling inside. “Do you want me to beg? I’ll beg. Please. _Please_ , Lisa. Don’t do this. Don’t take Ben. I know what you want is to be with that man. So go be with him. But don’t take Ben.” This should be humiliating, getting on his knees to beg and plead, but Dean didn’t give a damn about his dignity at the moment. 

Lisa shook her head, grimacing at Dean like she felt sorry for him. Maybe she did. Dean was done caring what she thought about him. “I think it’s best if you put it in your head that you won’t see Ben again. Benjamin will be his only dad from now on. He’ll take good care of us.”

“Don’t do this,” Dean pleaded, though he knew the fight was lost.

Lisa walked out the door, and Dean was on his feet, following after her. Lisa made it to her car, climbing behind the wheel, but Dean stopped her from closing the door. “Dean, step aside. Let me go. Don’t make a fool of yourself again.”

“At least tell me where you’re going,” Dean said, quickly, trying to think of something that could get her to relent. Anything. “Give me an address. Let me write Ben a letter. You said it was California. Is it Los Angeles?”

Lisa sighed. “I can’t give you any details, Dean. I know if I do, you’ll show up there.”

“No, no, I won’t! I promise I won’t. I give you my word I’ll just send Ben a letter. Give me the chance to explain what happened. To say goodbye to my son. You owe me that much.”

“I’m sorry,” Lisa said, but she didn’t sound sorry. She was frustrated. _She_ was frustrated?

Dean laughed, but the pitch was off and made him sound insane. “You’re sorry? You’re fucking sorry? You’re not sorry. You’re a fucking monster is what you are, Lisa.”

Lisa looked back at him with eyes that were heavy with sadness. Then, she pushed him away enough to be able to close the car door. She pulled out of the driveway and drove away.

And Dean's life was over.

Dean wasn’t sure how long he stood there, staring at the spot down the road where Lisa’s car had finally turned out of view, but the sudden sound of a door slamming a few houses away brought him back to himself. Somehow, Dean got his legs to cooperate again, and he made it back inside the house. The house that he’d bought for his family. What family? Dean no longer had a family. He was completely alone. Single and no longer a father. Fuck. 

_Ben_. 

Dean had fought so hard to make Ben’s life good, but it had all been for nothing because Ben was going to live in another state with a stranger for a father. The worst part was that Ben would think that Dean didn’t care enough to fight for him. Ben would think that Dean abandoned him like a cold-hearted bastard. Ben would learn to hate Dean for being another deadbeat dad. 

“Fucking hell!” Dean yelled at the top of his lungs, because it didn’t matter anymore. Not when his house was so empty. Dean yelled again, but it was nothing but a strangled, painful noise.

Then, he did the only thing he’d learned from his own deadbeat dad. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey from a cabinet on top of the fridge, and he filled up a glass to the brim with it. Dean gulped down the liquor, letting it burn as it went down his throat and into his empty stomach since he’d skipped lunch today. What did it matter? Absolutely nothing mattered anymore. Dean could drink himself to death, and no one would care. There were no longer consequences to anything Dean did. So Dean refilled his glass and continued filling himself with the bitter liquid, simultaneously wonderful and disgusting.

On his next refill, the bottle was empty. Filled with sudden rage, Dean threw the empty bottle against a wall, the shards of glass materializing on the floor by his feet. That destruction had felt incredible. Dean reached for another bottle, but instead of drinking the liquid, he broke the bottle against the same wall. It made a loud, irritating sound that made him jump. There were two more bottles at his disposal, ready to be broken. 

But Dean thought back to his dad. John had done the exact same thing the day his mom had died. Dean was turning into his father in the blink of an eye. 

_Fuck everything._

Was Dean turning into his deadbeat dad? Would that even be possible now that Dean wasn’t a dad anymore?

His hands were shaking when he dug out his phone from his pocket. He put the phone on speaker before he set it on the counter for fear that he would drop it.

“Hello, Dean,” came Castiel’s clear voice.

“Cas,” Dean gasped, leaning his elbows on the counter and then burying his fingers in his hair just to keep his head up. “Cas, come over now, please. I really—I could really use a friend right now.”

“Dean, what’s going on? Never mind, I’m on my way.”

Dean swallowed. “The door is unlocked. Just come inside.”

Dean’s legs weren’t strong enough to keep him standing, so he sat on the cold kitchen floor among the broken glass and spilled liquor. The entire room was filled with the stench of alcohol. It was repulsive. It smelled exactly like his childhood.

“Dean!” Castiel suddenly appeared, kneeling in front of him, careful enough not to land on any broken glass. “What happened?” His voice was gentle and patient.

“Lisa took Ben,” Dean said, the memories flooding back. He shut his eyes tight, hoping that would manage to erase them. “They’re gone. I lost my son for good, Cas.”

“What? No, that doesn’t make any sense.”

Dean shrugged, opening his eyes to look at Castiel’s confused expression. “Nothing makes sense anymore.”

Castiel looked helplessly into Dean’s eyes. “What do you mean ‘they’re gone.’ Where did they go?”

“Somewhere in California with Benjamin Fucking West. Lisa wouldn’t tell me where exactly. She doesn’t want me to contact either of them again. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to my son.” Dean hated the way his voice cracked at the end. “She took him from me.”

“Oh my God.” Castiel blinked a few times, like he was still not fully done processing the information. “I can’t believe she would be so fucking heartless. There must be some way to locate them. She can’t just take Ben away from your life forever.”

“That’s what it looks like,” Dean said. 

Castiel brushed Dean’s hair back again, and his hand was soft and soothing. “I’m so sorry, Dean. That fucking woman. I expected the worst from her, but never something like this. She has no idea the damage she’s doing to Ben by tearing him away from you. Who does something like that?”

“Lisa,” Dean said, sadly.

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows and then reached for his phone. “I’ll call Sam.”

“I don’t want to worry him, Cas.”

“Do you expect to keep this a secret from him? He’s your family.”

“I don’t have a family anymore.”

“Dean, you know that isn’t true. You still have a family. Sam, Jess, Bobby, Amelia, and me. And soon, you’ll also have Claire. You will _always_ have us.”

But Dean was thinking about Ben again and then he was crying. Usually, he didn’t cry in front of others, but Dean was done giving a damn. So he burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably with the pain returning all over again. Ben had been taken from him. Ripped away. How could Dean go through the rest of his life without his son? Who would read Ben his bedtime stories and tuck him in bed? And then, Dean remembered that Lisa had left behind Doug the Dog. That was Ben’s favorite toy. She couldn’t even let Ben keep that small memory of Dean.

Castiel pushed away the broken glass with his shoe, and then sat down beside Dean on the kitchen floor. He pulled Dean into his arms, letting him cry on his shoulder. Dean held onto him, not bothering to care about how wet Dean left Castiel’s shirt with his tears and slobber. Castiel wouldn’t judge Dean for breaking down in front of him. Instead, he comforted him by carding one of his hands through his hair, while the other rubbed circles on his back. And he whispered into Dean’s ear, “I’ve got you, Dean. It’s going to be alright. I promise you, it will be alright.”

Dean didn’t think anything would be alright anymore. But he clung to that lie the same way he clung to Castiel.

**Castiel**

Dean’s sobs had dwindled to nothing, but he still sat shaking in Castiel’s arms. Holding him tight and close to his chest, Castiel hoped Dean got his silent promise that he would never leave his side. Dean needed to know now more than ever than he could always count on Castiel, that Castiel would never abandon him. Dean’s face was buried in Castiel’s neck as Castiel continued brushing the hair at the nape of his neck, and when Dean pulled away, his cheeks were red and wet, and his eyes big and puffy. Castiel couldn’t stand seeing Dean this way, but there wasn’t much he could do to ease his pain. If only he could find a way to track Lisa down somehow. 

Castiel cupped Dean’s face in his hands, looking into his eyes. “We need to call Sam.”

Dean sniffled, and Castiel wiped away the brand new tears with his thumbs. “Yeah, okay. I just don’t wanna cause him any trouble. Or you. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you.”

“Of course you should have called me. I’m glad you did. I told you I’d always be here for you. This seems like a pretty monumental reason to need me at your side,” Castiel said. 

“I’m so stupid, Cas.” Dean’s lips trembled, but he didn’t cry again. Maybe he was all out of tears. “I trusted her. I trusted her for so long. I was going to let her cheat on me. I was going to let her do whatever she wanted. I bought her a house. I gave her my entire life. And she took the only thing that mattered to me. She took my son away from me. My son…”

“You’re not stupid,” Castiel said. “No one could have imagined that she would do something so awful. All you did was love her. That isn’t a crime.”

“I can’t live my life not knowing if Ben is okay. I don’t know if he’s happy with them. I won’t get to take him to his first day of school. He was gonna start the first grade so soon. She didn’t take Doug the Dog with her. It’s his favorite toy. I can’t even explain to him that I didn’t abandon him. I can’t tell him that I love him; that I would _never, ever_ leave him.”

“Ben knows that, Dean,” Castiel promised. “Ben has always known that. There was never a doubt in his mind that you were the best dad in the world. I know this. I saw it in his eyes every time he looked at you.”

“Fuck, I feel like shit.” Dean leaned away from Castiel, burying his face in his hands. “I think I’m getting a migraine. My head is pounding.”

“I’ll get you some painkillers.” 

Castiel was able to find migraine medication in a bathroom cabinet, so he brought it to Dean along with a glass of water. There was so much broken glass and liquor on the floor that needed to be cleaned up. He’d have to do that before anyone got hurt.

Dean was still where Castiel had left him, sitting on the kitchen floor with his head buried in his hands. 

Castiel knelt down so he could grab Dean’s wrists and lower his hands, making Dean meet his gaze. Castiel had never seen Dean’s green eyes look so hollow. He took out two pills and placed them in Dean’s hand. “Take these.” Dean did. “And this,” Castiel said, handing him the water.

Castiel wished he could do more for Dean, but the situation left him feeling impotent.

“We should move over to the couch,” Castiel suggested. “It might be more comfortable.”

Dean sighed, looking like he wanted to argue. In the end, he just nodded before standing up. Castiel stood with him.

“Let me call Sam,” Castiel said, walking with Dean to the couch, where he made sure Dean was comfortably sprawled as he massaged his temples. “I’ll be right back.”

Dean pursed his lips, but didn’t protest again. Instead he closed his eyes. A single tear slipped down the side of his face before Dean raised up an arm to shield his face.

Castiel stepped to the front porch and sat on one of the rocking chairs. He found comfort sitting here although it wasn’t enough to balance out the hopelessness in the pit of his stomach. This was surreal. Castiel felt like he was mourning the loss of a loved one. He had to remind himself that Ben was alive. He just wasn’t _here_ anymore. And he would never be back again.

Sam answered after a long time. “Hey, Castiel, I’m a little busy right now.”

“Sam, I’m sorry to bother you, but this is important.”

“Oh,” Sam said, but Castiel could hear the consequent _no_ in his voice. “What’s wrong?”

Castiel took a deep breath. “Dean told me that Lisa left with Ben. Apparently, she decided they needed to move with Benjamin to California. But she refused to give Dean any details. She doesn’t want Dean to contact them again.”

“What the fuck?” Sam snapped. It startled Castiel, since he’d never witnessed this side of Sam. “Are you fucking shitting me? That’s repulsive.”

“I agree,” Castiel said. 

“How’s my brother?”

Castiel gripped the arm of the chair. “Dean’s currently fighting off a migraine. He broke some liquor bottles in the kitchen. I’m worried about him. I wanted to let you know what’s going on. I hope you can come over soon. It would be good for Dean to have you around.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be right over.” Castiel could hear the rustling of papers, and the closing of a drawer. “Fuck, I can’t believe this is really happening.”

“Sam, is there anything you can do for him? Dean is Ben’s father,” Castiel pleaded, even knowing Sam thought the same way. “Lisa can’t just decide he’s not after six years. It isn’t right for Ben either. Ben hardly knows that man.”

Sam groaned. “I don’t think there’s anything we can do. Lisa and Benjamin are both Ben’s biological parents. Dean isn’t Ben’s legal guardian. If he’d been married to Lisa, maybe we could have a case, but it doesn’t look good right now. Damn it to hell.”

“That’s what I feared,” Castiel said, running a hand through his hair. “Dean is in a pretty bad state right now, Sam. He needs to know his family is with him now more than ever.”

“I know. Thank you for calling me. I’m really glad you’re right next door to keep an eye on him. I don’t want him to be alone. He tends to shut himself out when things get bad.”

Castiel was well aware of that. “I’ll always be there for Dean. You can count on that.”

Dean had passed out by the time Sam arrived. Castiel had also called Bobby and he’d showed up soon after. But Amelia had gotten there before either of them. Castiel had called her after he’d gotten off the phone with Sam because Amelia was just as much Dean’s friend as Castiel was.

Amelia did what Amelia always did in direful times: she made chamomile tea. She’d made a cup for all three of them, but with Dean’s migraine, he didn’t think he could hold it down. Castiel was glad to have Amelia’s tea along with Amelia. It was easier looking out for Dean with Amelia by his side. 

In an effort to let Dean rest, Castiel moved everyone to the kitchen table. He’d spent a long while cleaning up the mess in there, but it was now spotless. Amelia had made more tea for Sam and Bobby.

“This tea is delicious, Amelia,” Sam said, taking another sip. “Thank you.”

Amelia smiled, nursing her own mug. She’d picked out a red mug with the words Florida on it. Castiel had always liked Dean’s mug collection from his road trips. He’d picked one up in every new state he visited. “I’m glad you like it. I’ve never gotten through a difficult time without my chamomile tea.”

“What the hell are we gonna do about Ben?” Bobby asked, adjusting his cap.

“There’s nothing to do, Bobby,” Sam said with a frown. 

Castiel cleared his throat. “Well, I was thinking about paying Lisa’s mom a visit. She doesn’t live far. She might have some information.”

Sam looked at Castiel. “Let’s say you do manage to get Lisa’s new address, you give it to Dean, and Dean goes there demanding to see Ben despite Lisa’s wishes. Don’t you think Lisa would put a restraining order on Dean?”

“You think she’d do that?” Amelia asked, covering her mouth.

Sam clenched his jaw. “After what she did today, I wouldn’t put it past her.”

Castiel nodded reluctantly, seeing Sam’s point. “It’s too risky.”

Bobby grunted. “I never had a good feeling about her. That boy never looked happy with her. She never looked happy with him either. I never understood why they got together in the first place.”

Sam sipped his tea. “It was always about Ben for Dean. Lisa took advantage of that. It was convenient.”

It took a couple of hours for Dean to wake up. He didn’t look too thrilled about everyone being in his house, fussing over him. But Castiel wanted to reassure him that he wasn’t alone, that his family was still here and that they would never leave him.

“I just wanna be alone,” Dean said. There was a cold look in his eyes that was foreign to Castiel. “I don’t wanna talk about what happened, alright? I just wanna be by myself. Is that too much to ask?”

“Dean, we’re just worried about you,” Sam said.

“Don’t be,” Dean snapped. “I’m fine. I don’t need anyone around me to be fine. Just leave me alone. All of you.”

Castiel placed a tentative hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Dean, don’t shut us out now. I know you’re hurting.”

Dean brushed his hand away. “Fuck you. You don’t know how I feel. You didn’t get your son ripped away out of the blue, did you? I don’t need your pity. I don’t need anyone’s pity. So just go.”

Castiel recognized this side of Dean. The one that lashed out in anger and said hurtful things he didn’t really mean. It wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism and it frustrated the hell out of Castiel, but he knew Dean well enough that he decided to drop the subject rather than lash out back at him. He didn’t want another repeat of that awful week after Ben’s birthday party.

“Dean, son, there’s no reason to be an ass to Castiel,” Bobby said, stepping closer. “He’s just trying to help.”

Castiel shook his head. “No, it’s alright, Bobby. Maybe it’s better if I go home. Ames, let’s go.”

Amelia was looking at Dean with deep concern, but she managed to tear her eyes away from him and followed Castiel and Bobby to the front door. Sam trailed behind all of them.

“I’m gonna stay here tonight,” Sam said, crossing his arms. “He’s stubborn, but I’ve dealt with him all my life. He doesn’t really wanna be alone.”

Castiel nodded. “Keep me updated. I’ll swing by in the morning whether he likes it or not.”

“Me too,” Amelia said.

Bobby grunted. “That boy needs to learn some manners.”

Sam chuckled. “A little too late for that, Bobby.”

“Give me a call, if anything,” Bobby said, and Sam nodded. “I’ll keep an eye on my phone.”

Castiel took Amelia’s hand and they went home.

Castiel woke as the sunlight peeked through his curtain in the living room. He’d fallen asleep on the couch watching _Dr. Sexy_ reruns. The show wasn’t as interesting with Dean not watching next to him. Stretching his sore muscles, Castiel sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The smell of coffee registered so he walked into the kitchen, finding Amelia filling two mugs of coffee.

“How’d you sleep?” Amelia asked, handing him a mug.

Castiel sipped it carefully. “Not well. How did you sleep?”

Amelia frowned, holding her mug up to her face without taking a sip. “I couldn’t stop thinking about Dean and Ben. I cried myself to sleep when I realized Ben really isn’t coming back.”

“I still can’t believe yesterday happened.” Castiel sipped his coffee again before setting it down on the counter. “I’m going to shower and head next door.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“Then we’ll go after breakfast. I don’t want you to go without eating.”

Amelia nodded, giving him a soft smile.

After Castiel got dressed fresh out of the shower, he whipped up scrambled eggs and toast for the both of them. They ate in near silence, which was unusual for them, but Castiel knew that they were both filled with worry and exhaustion from their lack of sleep the prior night.

Sam greeted Castiel and Amelia, offering them pancakes and coffee which Amelia accepted. They followed Sam to the kitchen and Amelia and Sam sat together at the kitchen island to eat. Castiel couldn’t help but smile when he saw how eagerly Amelia started eating her second breakfast of the day.

“How did it go last night?” Castiel asked, standing beside them.

“Not well.” Sam frowned, pushing his cut up pancakes around with his fork. “Dean drank himself to sleep. I tried to stop him, but he was already tipsy and he threatened to drive to the liquor store for more if I took the bottles away from him. So I just let him. He woke up in the middle of the night to puke his guts out. At seven he woke again. He’s just been in Ben’s room ever since. He refuses to eat anything.”

“I’ll go talk to him,” Castiel said.

Sam sighed. “I doubt he’ll talk, Castiel.”

Castiel doubted it, too. “Then I’ll let him yell.” 

He made his way to Ben’s room. When he turned the doorknob he was surprised to find that the door wasn’t locked. 

Dean was on the floor sitting on his calves, clutching Ben’s dog toy to his chest like the toy itself was Ben in his arms. Silent tears ran down Dean’s closed eyes, as the look of sheer misery twisted his otherwise beautiful face. Heartbreak didn’t come close to describing the state Dean was in right now, but it was the word that came to Castiel’s mind. Dean’s heart was breaking, and it would probably continue breaking for as long as he was kept away from Ben. 

Would it really be forever?

Castiel sat on the bed. “Dean.”

Dean opened his eyes, meeting Castiel’s. He could read the heavy weight that was currently crushing him. He’d come here expecting Dean to lash out at him again, and Castiel was going to take all his anger and frustration peacefully. But Dean looked too tired for that. So Castiel opened his arms because that was the only thing he could offer Dean at the moment. If Castiel had some kind of magic, he’d find Ben and bring him back to Dean, but that wasn’t his reality. 

So his arms were the only thing Castiel could offer him.

Dean didn’t stand up. He simply shifted closer to Castiel, and then let his head fall onto Castiel’s lap. One arm was thrown around Castiel, while the other continued clutching the dog toy to his chest. The quiet tears turned into a loud sobbing mess, but it was muffled since Dean’s face was pressed against Castiel’s thigh. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean as best as he could, and then he bent over, kissing the top of Dean’s head as he felt him drowning, struggling to find the surface and come back up for air.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days passed. Time was irrelevant. Castiel held Dean, trying to find the strength in himself to not break alongside him. Castiel was supposed to be offering comfort here, not trying to gain some from Dean. But the truth was, Castiel felt so close to the edge. Ben was his nephew. Blood is irrelevant. He’d lost him, too. And the pain was heavy in his heart. But he kept it together. Dean needed more comfort than he did, so he would keep it together for the both of them until Dean was okay again. If that was even possible.

After a while, Dean got so quiet that Castiel wondered if he’d fallen asleep. He hadn’t moved at all from the uncomfortable position. Castiel pressed another kiss to the top of his head before brushing his fingers softly through his hair. Maybe he could get Sam to help move Dean to the bed. 

But Dean wasn’t asleep.

“It’s never gonna get easier, is it?” Dean whispered, voice hoarse.

Castiel wanted to lie and say that it would, but instead, he said, “Maybe not, but you’re not alone.”

They didn’t speak again for a long time. Not until there was a knock, and Sam opened the door, half stepping inside the room. His gaze fell onto Dean on the floor, clutching Castiel, and he frowned.

“Dean, I made breakfast. You need to eat.”

“Not hungry,” Dean mumbled.

“Dean, you didn’t eat anything yesterday. You need to eat something.”

“Sam is right,” Castiel said. “Try to eat something, please.”

Dean raised his head, and there were marks on his face from being pressed up so long against Castiel’s jeans. His eyes were so puffy they looked painful. Dean tried to stand up, but he looked so weak that Castiel and Sam both lingered around him to make sure he didn’t topple over. Dean refused to let go of the dog toy as he wiped his face with his shirt sleeve. Without saying a word, Dean walked out of the room.

Castiel and Sam followed after him all the way to the kitchen island, where Dean sat down beside Amelia, putting the dog toy in front of him and staring at it like he was waiting for it to talk to him.

Sam pushed a plate with a stack of pancakes and a bottle of syrup towards Dean as well as a full glass of orange juice.

Castiel stood nearby, keeping his eyes on Dean to make sure he ate something. Amelia was already done with her breakfast, but she looked at Dean like she was afraid he would fall out of his chair if she looked away. The heavy silence in the room was loud.

Castiel cleared his throat. “After breakfast maybe we could watch some TV. There’s a new vampire show that looks really gory and pointless that I’m sure you’d love.”

Dean hadn’t even picked up his fork yet. His eyes were locked on the dog toy next to his pancakes. “I want a beer.”

“What?” Sam asked, furrowing his eyebrows. “No, Dean, you need food right now.”

“I want a beer,” Dean repeated robotically. It felt like he was no longer with them. “I don’t want food.”

“ _No_ , you need to eat,” Sam said. “Besides, it’s nine in the morning.”

“I don’t care.” Dean was out of his chair then, making a beeline to the fridge, where he retrieved a beer and uncapped it with his hand. Dean snatched the dog toy and walked straight to his room, shutting the door behind him.

Leaning against the counter, Sam ran both hands through his hair. “What the hell am I supposed to do now? It’s not like I can order my older brother around. He’s never gonna listen to me.”

“Maybe he just needs some time,” Amelia said. “He’s had a lot to deal with in a short amount of time. Tomorrow might be easier.”

“This is exactly what our dad did when our mom died,” Sam said, quietly. “He rarely ever ate, drank himself to sleep, and self-destroyed in a few years. I’m not going to let my brother go down the same road.”

Castiel wouldn’t let Dean waste his life away either. Not if he could help it.

  
  


**Dean**

Dean wasn’t sure what day of the week it was. It was a day that ended in y and that was all that mattered. If it wasn’t Sam, it was Castiel pestering him over something. They kept making him eat even though Dean didn’t need food. What he needed was a good beer to keep the clarity away. Why couldn’t they understand that?

The first few days after Lisa left had been tedious. Sam and Castiel were always around, bugging him to get up from the couch and eat, and he’d give in after a while just to get them off his back. Sometimes even Bobby, Jess, and Amelia helped them on their mission. Dean just wanted to be left alone.

It was another irritating morning when Dean was woken up by Castiel waltzing into his house to ruin Dean’s day with his endless nagging.

“Dean, get up,” Castiel said, sitting on the edge of the couch where Dean had been sound asleep just seconds ago. “I’m going to make you some French toast and coffee.”

“Go away,” Dean said before pulling his pillow out from under him to cover up his face.

Castiel removed the pillow, leaning down close. His blue eyes had a no nonsense edge to them lately. “We’ve been through this a thousand times already, Dean. I’m not going anywhere. You, on the other hand, are going to get up, go to the bathroom, brush your damned teeth, maybe run a comb through your hair while you’re at it, and then you’re going to sit your ass down and eat my French toast. Got it?”

Dean groaned, rubbing his weary eyes. “Why are you so fucking annoying? I’m just trying to sleep. I’m fucking tired, man.”

“I’m annoying because I care.” Castiel grabbed both of Dean’s wrists, hauling him to a sitting position. “Good morning, by the way.”

Dean shot him a glare. “It’s never a good morning when I have to wake up to your ugly, stupid face.”

Castiel smiled. “You should come up with better insults. That’s weak, even for you.”

Dean grumbled because, yeah, Castiel was right. So what? Dean was still half asleep. 

They ate breakfast in silence. Dean couldn’t hold down more than a few bites. Hunger wasn’t part of his bodily needs anymore. When they were done, Castiel sat down beside Dean on the couch to read. He’d brought Dean a book, too, but Dean wasn’t going to waste his time reading. 

So, he leaned his head on Castiel’s shoulder and took a nap. 

Amelia showed up around lunch and woke him up this time. Dean wasn’t as mean to Amelia because being mean to Amelia was like being mean to a cute little kitten. It couldn’t be done. 

“What are you craving for lunch today, Dean?” Amelia asked, replacing Castiel on the couch while he went to the kitchen.

“I already ate in the morning,” Dean said, running his hands through his hair and yanking on it. “I’m not hungry, Amelia. I just wanna sleep some more.”

Amelia placed a hand on Dean’s arm. “That’s not happening. You’re eating with us. Do it for me. If not for me, then for your niece.”

Dean gave her a look. “You used that yesterday. It won’t work today.”

Castiel walked back into the room with a frown. “There’s nothing in the pantry except for moldy bread and old food cans. We’re eating at our place.”

Dean threw his arms up in victory. “Awesome! Go back to your house and leave me alone. I’m going back to sleep.”

Amelia laughed. “You’re funny. We’re not going anywhere without you, Dean.”

Dean groaned. Would this nightmare never end? No, this was worse than a nightmare. If this was a nightmare, at least Dean would be asleep.

In the afternoon, right when Dean had finally managed to escape from Castiel and Amelia, Sam showed up to ruin the rest of his day.

Dean nearly shoved him back out the door. “Sammy, no, come on, you gotta go.”

“Don’t be a jackass,” Sam said, letting himself inside the house anyway. He was carrying plastic bags. “I was thinking we could grill burgers today. I stopped at the grocery store to pick up the stuff.”

“Why is everyone so obsessed with food?” Dean fell back onto the couch, drained from the energy to keep himself standing.

Sam did all the work, seasoning the burgers exactly how Dean had taught him years ago and he grilled them the same way, too. Then he dragged Dean to the backyard to eat outdoors since he claimed the fresh autumn air would do him good. All it did was give him chills. Forced to eat, Dean took a few bites to appease Sam, but then he pushed his plate away and downed the rest of his Coke. 

“How was your day today?” Sam asked, taking another bite of his burger.

Dean shrugged. “Same old. Cas and Amelia came to bother me, then they took me next door to bother me in their house. Then I came home to finally get some sleep, but you showed up to bother me, too. When are all of you gonna stop this?”

Sam swallowed his food and frowned. “Dean, we’re not doing this to bother you. We’re doing this because we care about you. We want you to be okay.”

“I already told all of you I’m fine.”

“Yeah, but saying it isn’t the same as being it.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

Sam waited until Dean met his gaze. “We just want you to have a bit of normalcy in your life again. If we left you alone, you wouldn’t have that. You wouldn’t want that. So, we’re forcing it on you until you want it again.”

“Well, I think you’re all wasting your time on me.”

“I don’t believe that. And neither does anyone else.”

Dean found it hard to believe him.

The pestering went on for a couple of weeks. 

Sam would show up to make or bring dinner in the afternoons, while Castiel swung by in the mornings until Sam showed up to dismiss him. It was ridiculous. They didn’t need to keep an eye on Dean like he was in house arrest or something. But Dean hadn’t gone to work in some time, so the only thing left was being stuck at home.

Not today though. Today after Castiel left, Sam dropped off a pizza and asked Dean if he would be okay if he didn’t stay to eat because he had some work related emergency. Seeing his chance, Dean told him he didn’t need a babysitter—because he didn’t—and sent Sam on his way. Glad to have the opportunity to escape for a much needed drink, Dean shed his smelly robe and put on some pants. Then, he was on his way to the Roadhouse.

Sam and Castiel had taken the time to steal all of his alcohol, so Dean had been craving for a time to escape to a bar and get something to knock himself unconscious.

The Roadhouse only had a few patrons tonight, which indicated that it probably wasn’t a weekend. Even better. Dean didn’t want anyone bothering him tonight. He’d had to put up with Sam and Castiel enough to put up with strangers now, too.

Ellen was behind the counter and Dean had never been happier to see her. But she looked at him confused, like he was the last person she’d expected to walk into her fine establishment. “Dean, what brings you here tonight?”

“My trusty Impala, Ellen,” Dean said because he was a smartass. He grabbed an empty seat and pulled out his wallet, slapping his credit card down and sliding it across the counter. “I would like an endless supply of your cheapest whiskey, please. Just keep it coming. I got nowhere else to be.”

Ellen looked him up and down. “Are you sure you should be out here getting drunk? Bobby said you weren’t dealing well with what happened. I can see how right he was.”

“Yeah, I’m _sure_. I’m an adult, aren’t I? One of the perks of being an adult is you get to make your own decisions.”

Ellen didn’t look convinced, but she grabbed Dean’s card and seconds later slid a glass of whiskey towards him. “Where’s that brother of yours?”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t really care.”

“Maybe you should give him a call.”

“Ellen, I like you,” Dean said, sipping his drink. “But I’m not here to socialize.”

Ellen held his gaze. “Drinking won’t solve your problems, Dean.”

“If you really believed that, you wouldn’t be running this business.” But Dean was done listening to Ellen. He’d come here to drink and that was what he would do. Completely uninterrupted.

At some point—on his fourth or fifth glass—Dean pulled out his cell phone and dialed Lisa’s number, which he still hadn’t deleted. Lisa had claimed that she would change her number, but what if that had been a lie? After all, Lisa was a professional liar.

_“Hi, this is Lisa Braeden. I’m currently unavailable. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you soon.”_

Dean sat up on his seat, a small seed of hope growing in his chest. Maybe if he left her a voicemail, she would listen to it. Maybe he could try to reason with her yet again. Dean cleared his throat, clutching the phone closer to the side of his face. “Lisa, listen to me. I need my son. Please, Lisa. You need to call me back. Let me talk to Ben. Let me hear his voice again. If you get this message, at least tell Ben I love him. Tell him that he’s the smartest, kindest, most awesome kid in the world, and I love him so much. Just tell him I’m never gonna forget about him.”

A few whiskeys later, Dean left another voicemail.

“You’re a bad person, Lis,” Dean slurred, leaning his head on his arm on the counter. He could hardly keep his head up anymore. “I trusted you. For what? You stole everything from me. I loved you. For what? You broke my heart. I wish I could hate you, Lisa. I wish I could.”

When Dean tried to order another whiskey, Ellen told him she wouldn’t serve him anymore.

“What do you mean?” Dean asked, trying to lift his head from the counter. “I have money. Give me another one, Ellen. Come on, Ellen. Just one more.”

Ellen shook her head. “There’s no way in hell I’m giving you another drink. I should have cut you off three glasses ago. I’m calling you a cab to take you home.”

“No, I don’t need a cab,” Dean said, managing to sit up a little straighter, clutching the counter for support. “I have my Baby. My trusty, trusty Baby.”

“I was afraid you’d say that,” Ellen said. “Which is why I took your car keys a few minutes ago.”

“What?” Dean asked, feeling his pockets for the bulge of his keys, but coming up empty. When had Ellen stolen his keys? He hadn’t even felt her come near. “You’re a thief, Ellen? You’re a thief now?”

“I’m trying to keep you off the road in your state,” Ellen said. “Just hang on a few minutes. The cab should be here anytime.”

“Fuck the cab,” Dean said, climbing off the seat. The world was spinning, and his stomach was upset about that. Instead of trying to figure out where the restroom was, he ran to the front door, covering his mouth. He made it as far as the bushes before he puked out half of his guts, dry-heaving for a long time once his stomach was empty. The muscles on his torso were sore from the exertion, but he ignored it as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

And then, he started walking.

Dean walked in what he hoped was the direction of his house. It was dark, and he was still too disoriented and dizzy to have a good sense of direction. But the wind on his face felt pretty amazing, and he wanted to chase that feeling for as long as it lasted. The only thing lighting his path were the headlights of the few cars that passed. There weren’t any street lamps, and he didn’t think he could figure out how to turn on the flashlight on his phone. But the darkness didn’t bother him. The night was quiet. So quiet he thought it might swallow him whole.

A few minutes into his walk, Dean tripped over a rock or a stick—it was too dark to tell—and he fell onto his ass. Feeling too dazed now to even stand back up, Dean decided to lay down instead. The ground was cool beneath him, and he could see the stars. They were spinning and spinning, which made sense because the earth spun on its axis or some shit. So it made sense for the stars to spin so much. Dean couldn’t remember the constellations, but he did remember that summer night with Ben and Castiel, pointing them out. The memory felt so distant, like it hadn’t really happened to him. The Dean he was before was an entirely different person from the Dean he was now. Dean envied the other Dean for being so blind and naive. That ignorance had felt good. Dean envied him for still getting to be a dad, too.

Dean sang _Never Gonna Give You Up_ quietly to himself. Closing his eyes, Dean did some air drumming, jumping into the chorus. “Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.”

What a great song. That Rick Astley was a genius for making that masterpiece. 

Even with his eyes closed, Dean could sense the headlights getting closer. He hadn’t seen many cars passing through in a while. He wasn’t even entirely sure he was completely off the road. Maybe cars couldn’t pass because he was blocking them. Oh well, worse crimes had been committed.

“Dean, what the fuck are you doing down there?”

Dean opened his eyes, and Castiel was standing over him. Where had he come from? Dean gave him double finger guns. “Hey, hot stuff. I’m never gonna give you up. You know why? ‘Cause you’re a good person. Lisa? Bad person. But you? Good person.”

“You’re so fucking drunk.” Castiel groaned, reaching for Dean’s arms, trying to haul him up. At first, Dean resisted, but then he put in a bit of effort, and Castiel was able to get Dean back on his feet. “Why do you do this to yourself, Dean?” Castiel asked, throwing an arm under Dean’s shoulders, carrying him to his truck. “Ellen called and told me you’d gotten wasted and then ran out of the bar and never came back.”

“Ellen is a snitch,” Dean grumbled. “And a thief. She stole my keys, Cas. She took them and I didn’t even notice.”

“If you weren’t so hammered, you might have noticed.” Castiel opened the passenger door and actually lifted Dean up onto the seat with strength Dean didn’t know Castiel had. Then Castiel closed the door, going around the truck to get behind the wheel. 

“Where are we going?” Dean asked, leaning his heavy head against the window. It was cold and hard, but it felt more comfortable than the ground he’d been laying on.

“I’m taking you home,” Castiel said, starting the engine. “You smell like a liquor store. Why the fuck did you sneak out of the house to drink, Dean? Sam and I leave you alone for a few hours and what do you do? Get wasted.”

“Damn right I got wasted. I got nothing to live for anymore, Cas. I wanna drink until I forget myself. And then, I wanna die. You don’t have to come rescue me. I’m not your charity case. You should have left me on the ground. I was having fun by myself.”

“Fun? You think drinking yourself to death is fun? You’re such a fucking idiot.”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, turning his head enough to catch the rage on Castiel’s face. “You’re angry. Why are you so angry?”

“You bet your ass I’m angry, you asshole!” Castiel snapped. “Sam and I have spent the last few weeks at your side, looking out for you, worrying if you eat and practice basic hygiene. Because we fucking love you! But you don’t seem to care about any of that. You’re so focused on your misery that you can’t see all the good things in your life, Dean. Don’t you see how many people care about you enough to be there for you? Don’t you see how much you have to live for? I don’t know how to make you see that.”

That didn’t make any sense. Dean was nothing but a burden for Sam and Castiel. He was only weighing them down. It didn’t make sense for them to care so much for Dean. Dean was nothing special. He wasn’t worthy of love. Lisa had spent six years of her life trying to love Dean and she hadn’t been able to. So it just didn’t make sense for what Castiel was saying to be true. Dean wasn’t worth the time. He’d be doing them all a favor if he just died. Castiel’s anger was absurd. 

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” Dean whispered.

“Is it so hard to believe that someone can love you?” Castiel asked, his voice solemn.

Dean sighed. “Yeah, Cas. It’s real hard.”

“Well, it’s the truth. And I know it’s not your fault that you’re so deeply depressed and can hardly function. I know that. But if you would just let us help you. If you would just see a professional—”

“I don’t need a shrink,” Dean said through clenched teeth. “I’ve told you and Sam a hundred times. If either of you were in my place, if you’d lost your kid, you would understand.”

“I understand, Dean. But your problems won’t just go away with alcohol. You can’t keep repressing all this crap. You need help. All you need to do is say yes. Jess already has a long list of counselors who could help you. I can drive you myself.”

The last thing Dean wanted was to see a counselor. Fancy word for a shrink, but a shrink nonetheless. There was no way in hell Dean would ever agree to that.

“I’m happy with the way things are now, thanks,” Dean said.

“You’re happy?” Castiel asked. “You think this is happiness? Ever since I’ve met you, Dean, you’ve been the opposite of happy.”

“At least I had Ben back then.”

“Do you think Ben would want his father self-destructing with alcohol? Do you think Ben wanted any of this for you? If you can’t get help for you, at least do it for Ben.”

Of course Ben wouldn’t want Dean to go through the turmoil he was currently going through. But Ben hadn’t had a choice in the matter. Lisa had chosen for everyone. Besides, Ben would never find out whatever happened to Dean. Lisa would make sure of that.

They didn’t speak the rest of the way. When they got home, Castiel helped Dean get to the couch, even though Dean protested at first. Castiel wasn’t taking no for an answer. As soon as Dean fell on his stomach, he was halfway gone. He felt Castiel taking off his boots and tugging the blanket from underneath him to cover him. Dean didn’t want to keep being a burden on anyone, much less Castiel. He had a wife and a baby on the way to deal with. Castiel shouldn’t have to suffer for Dean’s sake. But he was too tired to tell him any of that.

In the morning, there was a glass of water and two aspirin on the coffee table.

  
  
  


**Castiel**

October usually was when the season became colder, but this year, it felt like summer still. The days were long and hot. Usually, Castiel was a fan of autumn. As a horror writer, he took plenty of inspiration from the season, especially during Halloween. Castiel loved everything about Halloween—the candy, the costumes, the cheesy horror movies on television. He and Amelia had always wanted to throw a glorious Halloween party, but they’d never actually gone through with it. Now that Amelia was a little over a month away from giving birth, it was far less likely that the party would happen. So he was surprised when Amelia brought it up one morning during breakfast.

“You want to throw a Halloween party, seventeen days before your due date?” Castiel asked.

“That’s right,” Amelia said, taking a bite of her banana. “Why not? We’ve been meaning to throw one for some time now. Who says I can’t dress up with my big bump?”

Her belly was very big indeed. Amelia liked to take a morning mirror selfie of herself every day to measure the difference. Castiel loved receiving them in texts. It was a constant reminder that Claire would be with them soon.

“I think you look beautiful in everything you wear,” Castiel said. “That’s not my point. I just thought you might want to rest during the last month of your pregnancy, not host a party.”

“I know I said no to a baby shower, but I think I deserve a Halloween party. We always spend Halloween alone watching the same horror movies on the couch. Let’s not be boring this year.”

Castiel gave her a look. “Ames, we’re not boring. But if it’ll make you happy, let’s throw this party. We’ll invite our friends from the neighborhood and your book club.”

Amelia was beaming and there was nothing better than that. “Fantastic. I’ll start shopping for my costume. You look for yours. We’ll surprise each other the day of the party.”

Castiel frowned. “Are we not going to match?”

“No, we’re not going to be boring, remember?”

“Fine. If you don’t want to be _that_ couple then we won’t be.” Castiel made a mental note to look for a Michael Meyers costume.

Amelia reached over the table to kiss him. “And don’t even think about dressing up as Michael Myers. I can see it in your eyes that he was your first choice. Try to think outside the box.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “Michael Myers stars in the _Halloween_ franchise, Ames. He’s perfect!”

“You say perfect. I hear boring.”

“Laurie Strode would disagree.”

Amelia chuckled. “Oh, hey, are you going to have lunch with Dean at work today?”

It had taken some time, but Dean had eventually returned to work. The drinking was still an issue, but Dean had started eating on a more regular basis. He hadn’t recovered one hundred percent, but Castiel hadn’t expected him to. Not without seeking professional help anyway. It was their never-ending argument.

Nowadays, rather than keeping Dean company during the day at home, Castiel visited him at work so they could eat lunch together. Sam still swung by in the afternoons after work when he could though when he couldn’t, Dean would come over to have dinner with Castiel and Amelia. None of them felt comfortable leaving Dean alone for long periods of time.

“Yes, that’s the plan,” Castiel said. “Would you like to join us?”

Amelia threw the banana peel on the table. “Have you seen the size of my feet, dear? I don’t think so. But have him come over after work. It’s still hot enough to go for a swim.”

“You really want to go for a swim?”

Amelia smiled. “Well, you and Dean can swim while I sit nearby. I feel like I don’t see him as much as I used to anymore. I miss him.”

As much as Castiel tried to glue himself to Dean to look out for him, Dean wasn’t usually present mentally. Dean had stopped joking around. He rarely ever smiled. He’d even given up watching _Dr. Sexy_. All Dean did was sprawl on the couch, playing the Bejeweled Blitz app on his phone. He could spend hours like that. Castiel and Amelia could be in the room with him, and Dean wouldn’t interact with them other than to answer their questions every once in a while. 

The Dean they knew was gone. It was awful. Castiel couldn’t stand it. And he knew Amelia felt the same way.

“I do, too,” Castiel said. “I’ll ask him, but don’t count on it. He’s very likely to say no.”

“I know, but it doesn’t hurt to keep trying.”

That was true.

At lunch, Castiel tried to get Dean talking by asking him for help picking out his Halloween costume. It was only October 3rd, so there was still some time to pick out a good costume that was not, as Amelia put it, boring. 

“I don’t know,” Dean said, eating a fry.

“One idea would be nice,” Castiel said. “I already thought about a vampire, but Amelia would think that was predictable. She wants to be surprised. Can you believe she thinks Michael Myers is boring?”

“Only kids dress up for Halloween, Cas.”

“That isn’t true. Halloween is for everyone.”

Dean ate another fry, keeping his eyes on his food. 

Castiel elbowed Dean on the ribs. “Come on, you’ve always been my fellow horror fan. Give me something.”

Dean sighed. “Be an angel, like in your book.”

“An angel?” Castiel hadn’t thought about that. He was getting to the end of his book. He and his editor were both definitely leaning towards making it a series. Once he finished his first draft, though, he would need to go back and add actual character names. He’d never before written an entire book without picking out appropriate names for his characters. But this time, his process had helped him write faster. Despite his depression, Dean had still been reading the pages Castiel continued sending him.

“Yeah,” Dean said, looking up at him. The bags under his eyes were so big, they looked like they’d been painted on by a bad makeup artist. “Angels are badass.”

Castiel smiled. “You know, I hadn’t thought about that. I think that’s a great idea. I’m going to look into angel costumes.”

“Glad I could help,” Dean said, looking back down at his half-eaten burger. “I should get back to work.”

“Before I leave, I wanted to ask if you’d like to come to the house after work,” Castiel said. “Amelia thought you might want to go for a swim.”

“Amelia doesn’t like to swim.”

Under the table, Castiel tapped his foot against Dean’s. “Come on, she wants to see you. It’ll be fun.”

Dean stood up, picking up his food and tossing it in the trash can by the door. “Maybe.”

“Alright,” Castiel said, but Dean was already gone.

It was around 6:00 pm when Castiel tried calling Dean. His phone went straight to voicemail. Great. He’d turned it off. There was his answer.

Amelia frowned, looking at him from the couch where she was petting Dandy. “He’s not coming?”

Castiel shook his head, sitting on the other end of the couch. He picked up her feet and set them back down on his lap. “I don’t think so. Turned off his phone.”

“That sucks. I was looking forward to seeing him.”

“Even if he was here, you know he wouldn’t really be here.” Castiel frowned.

Amelia sighed, setting a hand absentmindedly on her belly. “I was friends with Lisa. I should have seen that coming, right? If I had seen it coming, maybe I could have prevented it.”

Castiel looked at her thinking he could not love her more. “Ames, no one could have prevented this from happening. Lisa made her choice, probably as soon as she first contacted Benjamin online. It must have been so easy for her to just pick up and leave Dean behind.”

“I hope Ben is okay,” she said, frowning. “I hope he’s dealing with this better than Dean.”

“I don’t know how you can recover from being ripped away from your dad at such a young age. He must be so confused. Lisa is causing him serious emotional trauma.”

Amelia shook her head. “I don’t actually blame Lisa for wanting to find happiness. If she knew she could have that with Benjamin, then she had a right to follow her heart. But keeping Ben away from Dean indefinitely? That’s the part that makes me furious.”

“Please don’t defend her,” Castiel said, groaning. The thought of Lisa made his blood boil every single time.

“I’m not defending her, dear. But every person has the right to be with the one they love. Clearly, things hadn’t been working out between Dean and Lisa for quite a while. It was only a matter of time before that relationship ended. You said it yourself, Dean was willing to put up with Lisa cheating on him because he knew she didn’t want to be with him anymore. If he’d still loved her, he wouldn’t have been alright with that. There was no love in that relationship. Both Dean and Lisa deserve to find love. But I won’t defend Lisa for being so extreme. That was wrong.”

Castiel was feeling uncomfortable with this conversation. Anything relating to Lisa made him entirely uncomfortable. So he was relieved when his phone rang.

“Hello, Sam,” Castiel said.

“Castiel, have you spoken to Dean today?” Sam asked, voice hurried.

Castiel sat up straighter. “Yes, I had lunch with him. Why? Did something happen?”

“We were supposed to meet up for dinner at my house,” Sam said. “He said he would come straight from work, but he won’t answer his phone. I’m getting worried.”

“I tried calling him, but he turned off his phone. I was also waiting for him to come over after work today. Have you called Ellen?”

“I did, but he’s not at the Roadhouse.” Sam was quiet for a beat. “I’ll keep trying his cell. Do me a favor and call me if you see him come home, please. I just need to know he’s okay. He hasn’t gone off the radar like this in awhile. I don’t have a good feeling about it.”

Neither did Castiel. “Of course, I’ll keep you posted, Sam. Goodbye.”

Amelia was looking at Castiel, concerned. “Dean’s missing?”

“It sounds like it,” Castiel said, throwing his head back on the couch, eyes closed. “Fuck. I’m running out of ideas, Ames. I don’t know what else to do for him.”

“You’re doing the best that you can,” Amelia said, touching his arm. “Don’t beat yourself up. This isn’t your fault.”

Castiel wanted to believe her, but he was too worried about Dean to fool his mind at the moment. Fifteen minutes later, Castiel decided to go check Dean’s house, just in case. His car wasn’t in the driveway, but maybe Dean was still in, somehow. Castiel let himself in with his own key because Sam had made him a copy for easier access to Dean. The house was very still. There were dirty dishes on the sink, but other than that, no sign of anyone living in it. Castiel knew that Dean slept on the couch now rather than his bedroom. So even his bed was neatly made. The inside of the house could fool anyone into believing Dean actually had his life put together. 

Castiel decided to make himself useful and wash the dishes. After that, he dried them carefully and put them in the cabinets. Then he went to stand by the sliding glass door leading to the backyard. The grass was getting tall. Castiel had been keeping up with its maintenance since Dean had stopped caring about that along with everything else. He debated whether he should mow the lawn just to do something, but his phone rang again.

It was Dean.

“Dean! Dean, where are you?”

Dean was gasping for breath. “Cas, Cas, I need you.”

“What’s wrong, Dean? Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“I had an accident,” Dean said, still breathless. “I had a few drinks, and I was driving, and I hit a tree.”

His heart dropped straight to his stomach. It was the kind of thump that often woke him up from dreams where he was falling. But he wasn’t dreaming. Dean had been in a car wreck. His mind ran through a million different scenarios, all of them leading to Dean bleeding out on the ground. When he spoke, his voice was surprisingly steady. “Tell me where you are.”

“I’m on the road you found me last time, by the Roadhouse,” Dean said. “I-I was so stupid. I’m always stupid. I’m sorry, Cas. I didn’t know who else to call. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t say that, Dean, please. Look, just hang tight. I’ll be right there. Are you hurt? Do you need an ambulance?”

“No, I don’t think I’m hurt,” Dean said. “I just need you, man.”

“I’m on my way.”

“I’m sorry, Cas.”

“Stop apologizing. I’ll be right there, alright?”

“Okay, okay. Thank you.”

Castiel tried to not get into any wrecks as he sped down the two-way deserted road that took him towards the Roadhouse. He clutched the steering wheel as he went, praying to whoever would listen that Dean truly was alright. When he spotted the Impala off the side of the road, the hood twisted horribly against a tree, he let out a gasp. Dean survived that unscathed?

Dean was sitting on the floor against the driver’s side door, legs folded up and arms around his knees, with his face buried between them.

Castiel parked sloppily, then ran out the truck, kneeling in front of Dean to reassure himself he wasn’t hurt. Castiel lifted Dean’s head and cradled his face in his hands. Dean was alive and well, and there wasn’t a scratch on him. Castiel wanted to cry from relief, and then he pulled Dean into his chest, pressing him in as close as possible. “You’re okay, you’re okay, Dean, you’re okay.”

Dean hugged Castiel back tightly, burying his face in his neck. “I’m sorry, Cas. I shouldn’t have been driving. I knew it was a bad idea, but I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I’m so fucking tired of feeling this way. I don’t wanna feel this way anymore. I want it all to go away. I’m so tired, Cas. So tired.”

Castiel pulled away, looking into Dean’s panicked eyes. “Please tell me this means you’ll agree to get help. Please, Dean. Just say yes.”

Dean nodded, eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll get help. I just want this to go away.”

The tightness in Castiel’s chest eased a little bit, and he breathed in a lungful of air. Then he bent down to press his lips to Dean’s sweaty forehead. “You’ll get all the help you need. I swear to you, Dean, you will.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean whispered.

Castiel shushed him, pulling him back in his arms. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I just need you to be okay. That’s all.”

“What if I’m never okay again?” Dean’s words were muffled because his face was buried in Castiel’s neck again.

“Don’t say that. Please don’t say that.”

Dean was worried about leaving his car behind, so Castiel called a tow truck to drive the car home before it was spotted by any passing cops. Once Dean calmed down—and, quite honestly, _Castiel_ calmed down—Castiel drove him home. 

Dean sat on the couch while Castiel went into the kitchen to make him a chamomile tea from the box Amelia had left behind. After giving Dean the tea, he went back to the kitchen to call Sam.

“I found him,” Castiel said. “Before I tell you what happened, Dean is safe and sound, and he’s currently sitting on his couch drinking tea.”

“Oh, thank God,” Sam said. “Where was he?”

Castiel ran a hand through his hair. “Dean crashed his car into a tree. But Dean’s fine. He was wearing his seatbelt, and it seemed to have done the trick.”

“Oh my God. Should he go to the hospital? What if he has internal injuries?”

“I tried to get him to go to the hospital before driving him home, but he says he really didn’t hit himself anywhere, and he doesn’t want an expensive hospital bill.”

“Jess and I will drive down right now,” Sam said. “I’ll feel better when she checks him out.”

“I will, too,” Castiel admitted. “You should also know that Dean has finally agreed to get help. Ask Jess if she can bring that list of counselors with her. Maybe we can find one for Dean, after all.”

Sam laughed, obviously relieved. “He said he’d do it? He said yes?”

Castiel nodded, a small smile on his lips. “He said yes, Sam.”

“You have no idea how happy that makes me to hear. Cas, this is huge!”

“I’m well aware of that. It’s a big milestone for Dean’s recovery.”

“Jess, Dean said yes!” Sam said.

Castiel could hear Jess cheering on the other end of the line. Maybe it was too early to be hopeful, but Castiel thought that things were finally looking up again.

**Dean**

Dean was a nervous wreck.

He had to keep reminding himself that this was normal. That tons of people everywhere went to therapy. That Dean wasn’t special. That this could possibly help him get his life back together. But Dean had never thought his life would lead him to this, to talking to a shrink about all his deep, personal problems.

At least Castiel was staying positive. He was wearing aviators, driving his truck with the windows down, and a big smile on his face. Dean hadn’t seen Castiel smiling like that in a while.

So many people were counting on this to help Dean. But what if it didn’t? What if Dean was the one person who couldn’t benefit from therapy? What if Dean never felt okay again?

Castiel had been nice enough to drive Dean to his appointment, but Dean needed to fix his Impala soon. He couldn’t keep relying on Bobby, Sam, and Castiel to give him rides everywhere. But he’d wrecked his Impala so badly that he had to order a lot of the parts, and it would cost him a small fortune. Just another problem to add to his long list.

“We’re here,” Castiel said, pulling into an empty spot in the parking lot. “Let’s go.”

“You’re coming in with me?” Dean asked, fidgeting with his flannel shirt sleeve.

“Sure I am,” Castiel said, hopping out of his truck.

Dean sighed, getting out, too, and walking beside Castiel up to the building. It was a business park filled with hundreds of offices. His therapist, Jody Mills, was on the third floor. They took the elevator. Dean’s hands were sweating by the time they made it there.

Castiel held open the office door once they found it, removing his aviators and hanging them from the neck of his shirt. “After you, sir.”

Dean rolled his eyes, walking in first. Halfway to the front desk where a dark-haired woman sat typing away at a computer, Dean turned around, ready to walk back out the door. Unfortunately, Castiel was right there, one step ahead of Dean, blocking his exit. No wonder he’d decided to come in with Dean. He’d seen this coming.

“You’re so close,” Castiel said, holding his gaze. “Come on, you can do it.”

Dean swallowed, turning back around. This time, he did make it to the front desk, and the woman smiled up at him. 

“How can I help you?” she asked.

“Hi,” Dean said. “My name is Dean Winchester. I have an appointment at 3:00 pm with Jody Mills.”

The woman nodded. “Okay, please have a seat, and I’ll let you know when she’s ready for you.”

“Thanks.” Dean found the first empty seat and tried to sink into it. 

Castiel sat beside him, reaching for a magazine and flipping through it. 

Dean’s leg was bouncing and he kept staring at the door, wondering if his odds were good enough to outrun Castiel back outside.

“Don’t even think about it,” Castiel said, without taking his eyes off of the magazine.

“What if this doesn’t work?” Dean asked. It was the question that had kept him up the entire previous night.

Castiel glanced at him. “It _will_ work. Just have faith.”

“I’ve never been much of a man of faith.”

Castiel softened his eyes. “I’m not asking you to have faith in God. I’m asking you to have faith in you.”

“In me? That’s much worse.”

With a shrug, Castiel said, “I have faith in you.”

“What if this Jody person listens to me and decides she can’t fix me? What if she tells me I’m a lost cause?”

“You’re not here to be fixed, Dean,” Castiel said, patiently. “You’re not a broken machine in need of repair. You’re a person who needs help. And you’re not a lost cause. Don’t say that.”

Dean wished he could see himself the way Castiel did. But all he knew was that he was a mess, and he needed to stop being a mess to make everyone else’s lives easier. Well, he wanted his life to be easier, too. He’d be lying if he said he was doing this entirely for selfless reasons. Dean was tired of feeling so empty. He was sick of feeling dead inside. 

When Dean was told to go inside, he looked back at Castiel, eyes wide.

“I’ll be here waiting for you,” Castiel promised. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean was led into a spacious office, where a woman with short brown hair and a nice smile greeted him. Dean shook her hand, introducing himself.

“It’s nice to put a face to the name,” she said, motioning for him to sit on a gray couch. “Make yourself comfortable, Dean. I’m Jody Mills.”

Dean sat on the couch while Jody sat on a matching armchair. Between them was a small brown table that had a box of tissues and two full water bottles.

“Do you want some water?” Jody asked. “Help yourself.”

“Thanks,” Dean said, grabbing one of the bottles. His throat was feeling a little dry. He took a sip and then gripped the bottle in his hands.

Jody picked up a manila folder from the floor beside her chair, and she flipped it open. “Thank you for filling out that questionnaire before coming in. I ask my patients to give me all that information beforehand so I can get to know you before meeting you for the first time.”

“Oh,” Dean said, scratching the back of his throat. He’d filled out the questionnaire as honestly as possible. It asked basic information, like his birthday and health records, but also asked about his mental state and that had been more difficult to fill out.

Jody scanned the papers for a few seconds before closing up the folder and putting it back on the floor. “Why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself?”

Dean didn’t see the point since he’d told her a lot on the questionnaire, but he was willing to put in the work, so he relented. “I’m thirty-one years old. I live in Oklahoma City, but I was born in McAlester. I have a younger brother named Sam. I work as a mechanic with an old family friend, Bobby. And I was driven here today by my best friend Cas because I recently totaled my car.”

Jody nodded, eyes sympathetic. She looked interested in what Dean was saying, which allowed for Dean to relax his muscles slightly. He’d expected to feel judged, but he didn’t get that from Jody Mills. “I’m sorry to hear about your car. How did that happen?”

Dean went on to tell Jody about having a few drinks and then driving his car, which had led to the accident. He confessed that the accident had actually been the final straw that had led him to being here today.

“I remember reading on your questionnaire that you’d recently lost your son,” Jody said, and Dean shouldn’t have been surprised that she’d gotten right into the meaty stuff so soon.

“Yeah,” Dean said. “But we don’t have to talk about that.”

“Dean, you’re here because you were brave enough to ask for help.” It was strange hearing that she thought he was brave. Dean was sure he was the opposite of brave. “I want to help you. But you need to trust me. I want you to feel comfortable enough to talk about difficult topics. We can go slow. We’ll go at your pace. I just want you to know that I’m not here to judge you, I promise. I’m not a perfect human either. I make mistakes as much as the next guy. I don’t know the meaning of life. I don’t have everything figured out. But I can offer you guidance and insight that might be useful.”

Well, when she put it that way…

“My son’s name is Ben,” Dean said. Talking about Ben was like having a huge boulder lifted off of his chest and he could finally breathe again. Dean told Jody everything about Ben, beginning with the day Lisa called him unexpectedly and asked if he wanted to do this with her, to raise a baby together. It had been the easiest decision of his life. It had made perfect sense, raising Ben with Lisa, the woman he’d loved since high school. And even after everything that had happened, Dean would do it again. 

Dean finished his story with, “When Lisa took Ben from me, I think...I think I forgot how to live.”

“Why do you say that?”

Dean looked at the water bottle in his hands. “I forgot how to be me. The moment I knew Ben was gone for good, I wanted nothing more to do with my life. I needed to numb myself because nothing really mattered anymore. So, I started drinking. And then I found it hard to stop.” Dean remembered that day so clearly. It wasn’t something he thought he’d ever forget. “Ever since Lisa took Ben, I stopped caring about myself. But my family and friends, they still care. I don’t know why. I don’t like being a burden to them. Hell, I’m even a burden to myself.”

“It’s natural for your family and friends to care about you. They love you.”

Dean smiled ruefully. “That’s the problem. I don’t get why. I’m not someone worth loving. I definitely don’t deserve it. They’re wasting their time worrying about me when they could be worrying about people who actually matter. Cas has a pregnant wife to worry about. Sam also has a wife. Bobby has a girlfriend, or something. All I’m doing in getting in the way of all the good things in their lives, and I hate it. I hate _me_ for being a pest in their lives.”

“I doubt that any of these people you mention see you as a pest in their lives, Dean. You said that you don’t deserve their love, but you _do_. Everyone deserves love. Why do you think that you don’t deserve that kind of affection?”

Dean shrugged and he said the first thing that came to mind. “I don’t think I matter.”

Jody gave a small nod. “What makes you think that you don’t matter?”

“I don’t know.” Dean glanced down at his water bottle. “I never really thought about that.”

“The people that you mentioned: Cas, Sam, and Bobby, they matter to you, right?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, they do.”

“And you love them, right?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. That wasn’t something he had to think about. It was a simple fact. Dean loved them. 

“So, then tell me, why is it so unbelievable for the same people to love you, and for you to matter to them? You see, Dean, love is often reciprocated. It’s difficult to love someone who doesn’t love you back. But when love is returned, the love you feel for them comes easy. Then you continue loving them because they continue loving you back.”

“I loved Lisa, and she didn’t love me back,” Dean said, bitterly.

Jody furrowed her eyebrows. “Did you find it difficult to love her knowing that she didn’t love you in return?”

Loving Lisa had often been painful. Dean hadn’t enjoyed it most of the time. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

“But it’s easy to love Cas, Sam, and Bobby, isn’t it?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, it’s as easy as breathing.”

“So you see the difference. That love you feel for them is being reciprocated. And the reason for that is because you matter, Dean. Your life matters to them, and many other people. Your life now matters to me, too. I’ve only just met you, but I can tell that you’re a wonderful person, and I care about your feelings. I want to make sure you walk out of here feeling even just slightly better than you did when you walked in.”

Dean took another sip of water. Then he looked at Jody, seriously. “So, you don’t think I’m a lost cause?”

Jody smiled. “Absolutely not.”

Dean wanted to believe her.

Before he knew it, time was up. That hadn’t been as tedious as he’d expected. It hadn’t been bad at all, actually. Dean realized that he _was_ capable of talking about his feelings with a complete stranger, and at least Jody was a stranger who knew what to do about Dean’s problems.

Jody walked with him to the door, holding it open for him. “Have a nice day, Dean. I’ll see you here next week. Same day, same time.”

Dean waved, walking into the waiting area. Dean turned to Castiel, tilting his head to the door, and Castiel put down the magazine, following behind him. They walked in comfortable silence until they got into the elevator.

“How was it?” Castiel asked, trying to catch Dean’s gaze.

The elevator opened again and they stepped outside.

Dean smiled. He actually smiled. “It was good.”

The answering smile Castiel gave him filled Dean with warmth. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, it was.”

“I’m so glad to hear that.”

The drive home was quiet, but not the bad kind of quiet. It didn’t feel heavy.

“How about we stop for some ice cream?” Castiel asked. They were at a stoplight and Castiel looked at Dean, flashing his gummy smile.

“I’m always down for ice cream.”

“I know you are.”

Therapy had been going really well. Dean had only been to three appointments so far, but he already knew that Jody was awesome. She allowed Dean to go off topic when things got too heavy, and they talked about TV shows and movies that they both liked. Dean loved that he could be himself with her. That he never felt judged by her. And he allowed himself to hope that things were going to get better.

One of the things Jody had suggested for Dean was to pick up some creative hobbies rather than spending all his free time playing Bejeweled Blitz on his phone. Dean already had his Impala to take up his time, though he still hadn’t been able to afford all the missing parts. But there were less expensive hobbies he could do, like gardening. Dean had never forgotten his idea to grow a garden in his backyard, but he’d never gotten around to it. There was no better time like the present.

Dean and Castiel drove to the local Lowe’s to pick up flower seeds. Dean had originally wanted a flower and vegetable garden, but he decided to start with just flowers to see if he could even grow a garden in the first place. After picking up seeds for tulips, pink roses, sunflowers, and lillies, they bought a shovel, gardening gloves, and some soil. Castiel, trying to be funny, also added a gardening hat with a yellow bow on it. Joke was on him, though, because Dean kind of liked it.

In his backyard, Dean found the perfect spot by some bushes, and he started working. Castiel hovered around, mostly watching Dean work instead of helping. But Dean didn’t mind. It felt good to get to work with his hands on something other than cars. He didn’t even want to use the gloves at first, but as soon as he found an earthworm, he put them on. Worms were creepy little shits. 

“Hey, garden boy, come take a break,” Castiel said.

Dean looked over his shoulder to find Castiel holding up two glasses of what looked like lemonade. He was really thirsty all of a sudden. Dean removed his gloves and took one of the glasses, gulping down half of the ice cold lemonade in one go. “Thanks.”

“I got bored watching you so I made some lemonade with the lemons I found in your kitchen.”

“It’s good.” Dean wiped his forehead with his shoulder. He’d been sweating, even though it was late October. “You know what? I think I’m gonna dress up for your Halloween party.” Dean had already told Castiel and Amelia that there was no way he’d put on a costume for their party, but he’d been in a bad place at the time. It had felt good to shut things down as they were offered up to him.

Castiel sipped his drink. “What made you change your mind?”

Dean shrugged. “I think I’m ready to start living again. There’s no better way to start than with a good Halloween costume.”

Castiel lifted his glass up to Dean’s. “To living again.”

Dean smiled. “To living again.” 

Dean looked back at his newly planted garden. It wasn’t big or impressive, but he was willing to put in the work to make it grow healthy and strong.

Yeah, he was ready to live again.

“Cas! Cas!” Dean ran back into the house from the backyard, gripping his phone in his hand. He found Castiel in the living room, watching television and drinking the rest of the lemonade.

Castiel put the lemonade down and stood up, looking alert. “What? What’s going on?”

Dean shoved the phone to Castiel, who took it quickly. “Google says my flowers won’t grow in the fall. I spent all day working on this stupid garden for nothing.” Dean ran his hands through his hair. He felt like a total dumbass.

Castiel’s eyes moved as he read the article Dean had opened. “Okay, I guess we should have thought about that.” He looked back at Dean. “But we can still figure out a way around it.”

Dean frowned. “How? We’re gonna make the cold go away?”

Castiel squinted his eyes, humming to himself as he tapped Dean’s phone to his chin. A few seconds passed before a smile spread on his face as he turned back to Dean. “I got it! We’re going back to Lowe’s.”

“What? Cas, didn’t you read the article?”

“I did, obviously. We’re getting indoor plants that you can take care of inside your house. They’ll survive the winter.”

Dean was hesitant. “Didn’t you say that you killed a mint plant like five times? What makes you think I won’t do the same?”

Castiel gave Dean a look. “I’ve never been much of a plant person, but you took the time to plant an entire garden, Dean. That means you care. And if you care about the plants, then they’ll live. We’ll make sure to look up the best care for them. We could start with just two plants at first. If it doesn’t work out, then we’ll try something else.”

Dean knew that look in Castiel’s eyes. He wasn’t going to rest until they went through with his idea. “Fine,” Dean relented. “But you’re paying. I spent all my money on the garden.”

Castiel smiled. “Let’s go.”

They came home with a spider plant and a bunny ear succulent that was named because the plants looked like actual bunnies. Castiel had found it endearing, so Dean knew he had to have it. They found the perfect place for them in Dean’s living room, where he would be able to see them from his favorite couch/bed. It had been a great idea, after all.

They stood together in the middle of the room, staring at the plants like they were waiting for them to put on a show for them.

“Stop smiling,” Dean said when he felt Castiel turning to him instead.

“I had a good idea.” Castiel elbowed him on the ribs. “Admit it.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Fine. I guess you did.

Castiel laughed. “I knew it.”

“You’re so fucking smug all the time.”

“Well, you’d be too if you were right as often as I am.”

Dean started shoving Castiel towards the front door. “You’ve killed five plants, Cas. My plants can’t be around you right now. They don’t trust you.”

Castiel laughed even harder, fighting to stay where he was. “Oh, fuck you. I’m the one who paid for them.”

Dean shook his head, trying to push Castiel again. “You’re just all about the money, aren’t you?” 

Castiel gripped Dean’s wrists, holding them above his head. “Stop trying to kick me out of your house. It didn’t work before, and it won’t work now.”

Huffing out a breath, Dean surrendered and Castiel let him go. “I guess you can stay. You’re not so bad to have around, even if you _are_ a self-proclaimed plant killer.”

“I’m also your friend, you asshole.”

“Right.” Dean grinned, clapping Castiel’s shoulder. “You’re also my friend.”

They tried to stand and stare at the plants again, but it wasn’t as exciting the second time around. So Dean asked if Castiel was hungry, to which he said yes, and they ate some of Dean’s favorite roast beef sandwiches.

All in all, it was not a bad day.

  
  


**Castiel**

Castiel had spent the entire day decorating his house for the Halloween party tonight. Well, he’d had a lot of help. Dean and Sam had come by earlier to lend him a hand. They’d put up the classics: cobwebs, fake spiders, plastic bloody limbs, graveyard headstones, skeletons, ghosts, and an array of pumpkins. Castiel had also covered the entire place in orange and purple string lights. They’d finished up with enough time to put on their costumes. Castiel had asked all of his guests to be as creative as possible because Amelia wanted to be surprised. Since everyone loved Amelia—it was impossible not to—they all agreed to put in the effort. Even Dean, who’d originally been so against it.

Amelia had taken over their bedroom to get her costume on so Castiel moved to the guest room. He’d gone with Dean’s idea of an angel, but not just any angel. Castiel had picked out an old-school beige outfit with a cream colored overcoat and a polka dotted bow tie that resembled Aziraphale’s usual attire in _Good Omens_. He’d even found a bleached blond wig to wear. Looking in the mirror, he smiled. Yeah, he could pull this off. Aziraphale was an amazing character. Amelia would be pleasantly surprised.

When Castiel stepped into the living room, Dean was already there, in full costume. Castiel burst into laughter, hardly believing what he was seeing.

Dean grinned, holding the edges of his white dress and doing a curtsy. Along with the dress, he was covered in flowers everywhere, including a nicely put together flower crown. “I’m Dani from _Midsommar_. You like?”

“I love,” Castiel said, stepping closer to straighten the flower crown. Then he took a few steps back, spreading his arms. “Do you like _my_ costume?”

Dean looked him up and down, his eyebrows furrowed. “Who the hell are you supposed to be? I thought you were gonna be an angel.”

Castiel scoffed. “I _am_ an angel. I’m Aziraphale from _Good Omens_. Didn’t you see the show? Neil Gaiman wrote it!”

Dean wasn’t impressed. “Where are your wings? Angels have wings, you know.”

“Dean, Aziraphale doesn’t have visible wings. Do you seriously not like it?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I like it, I like it. Let’s just hope Amelia gets the reference. You look like you’re a historical reenactor, not an angel.”

“I worked really hard on it!” Castiel said, crossing his arms. 

It was then that the doorbell rang, and Dean went to answer it. Sam and Jess had arrived, wearing a cute couple’s costume; Sam was the avocado and Jess was the toast. They could barely fit through the door.

“Look at you guys!” Dean said, turning to Castiel. “See? These costumes make sense.”

“Oh, shut up,” Castiel said.

“Hey, you’re Aziraphale!” Sam said. 

“Yes, I am,” Castiel said, proudly. “This is why you’re my favorite Winchester, Sam.”

Dean waved a hand, dismissively. Then he wiggled his eyebrows at Sam and Jess. “Guess who I am. Go on, guess.”

“You’re that crying chick from _Midsommar_ ,” Jess said. “Dean, you made us watch that movie with you, like, three times. We’re sick of it.”

“At least I’m not wearing a ridiculous blond wig,” Dean mumbled.

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “I heard that.”

But when Amelia finally stepped out of their bedroom, she stole the show.

Amelia was wearing black pants and a white t-shirt, but on her enormous rounded belly, the creepy alien from _Alien_ was sticking out, just like in the movie. The shirt was soaked in blood around the alien, making the whole thing more realistic. Amelia smirked up at them. “Do I look like John Hurt?”

“Oh, my God,” Castiel said, covering his mouth. “If I weren’t already married to you, I’d propose right now. Ames, you look incredible. This is the best Halloween costume I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

Amelia chuckled. “Thank you, dear. Are you that gay angel from that show?”

Close enough. “Yes! Do you like it? Dean’s been hating on it.”

“It’s amazing,” Amelia said, nodding. Then she took in everyone else in the room, and burst into laughter. “You guys all look wonderful. Thank you for dressing up today. I know you didn’t have to, but I thought it would be a nice way to spend Halloween with all our friends.”

“Are you kidding?” Sam said. “We had so much fun picking out our costumes. I’ve always wanted to dress up for Halloween, but this is the first time I’ve ever actually done it.”

“It’s your first time?” Amelia asked, astounded. “Well, it’s better late than never.”

The rest of their guests started arriving soon after. Charlie was Darth Vader and Rosa was Pennywise. Meg showed up as Wonder Woman and for once didn’t look as intimidating. Crowley, on the other hand, showed his FBI badge and claimed that was enough of a costume. At least Amelia thought it was clever.

Much later, Castiel found himself dancing with Charlie, who kept spinning him around even though that was probably not such a good idea considering he’d had a few drinks. But he was having too much fun to care. Dean was making Amelia laugh by skipping around in his flowery dress. Nothing made Castiel happier than seeing that. Dean had been doing so much better, and so had Amelia, now that she had the old Dean back. No, that wasn’t true. This Dean was looking much livelier and healthier than Castiel had ever seen him. This wasn’t the old Dean. This was the new Dean, who was making an effort to take care of himself for once. 

By the end of the night, once the guests started leaving and everything cooled down, Castiel sat on the couch beside Amelia, an arm thrown around her shoulders, and his head leaning against hers. 

“We threw a good party, didn’t we, Ames?” 

Amelia smiled. “Yes, we did. I told you it would be fun. I’ve never had a better Halloween, not even when I was a kid and went trick or treating.”

“Me neither,” Castiel said. “Though I never went trick or treating as a kid.”

“Don’t let any of your fans know that you, Castiel Novak, the great horror author, have never been trick or treating.”

Castiel laughed. “I don’t think they’d care.” Castiel lifted her chin and kissed her. “I’m so lucky to be with you, Ames. I love you so much.” He leaned his forehead against hers, smiling.

“I love you, too, dear. We’re going to be parents in less than a month. Can you believe that?”

“No. I keep thinking the day will never come. It feels too good to be true.”

“Claire will be here soon. Maybe next year we can dress her up, too.”

“What would you like her costume to be?”

“A cute little pumpkin,” Amelia said cheerfully. “Every time I picture her, I see a round ball. I know that’s not accurate, but I’ve come to associate her with my belly.”

Castiel smiled. “That’s adorable. We’ll have to find her a pumpkin costume next year.”

“Hey, lovebirds,” Dean said, standing in front of them, holding an empty plastic bag. “You want me to start cleaning up? Everyone’s pretty much gone. Sam and Jess are eating leftovers in the kitchen, and Rosa is waiting for Charlie to finish peeing so they can go home.”

“You don’t have to clean up, Dean,” Amelia said.

“Ames, I don’t think we should deter Dean from cleaning up,” Castiel said, quickly. “I’m too comfortable to get up from this couch, anyway.”

Amelia gave Castiel a look, but then shook her head. “Alright, Dean, go ahead, but only if you really want to. Castiel already forced you to help him put up the decorations.”

“I don’t mind,” Dean said. “I like making myself useful. Besides, Cas has been doing a lot of my chores at home for the past few weeks. It’s the least I can do.”

“That _is_ true,” Castiel said. 

Dean smiled. “Alright, you two can get back to being in love. Go ahead.” Dean put his hands together. “Kiss.”

Amelia laughed. “We were just talking about Claire’s first Halloween costume.”

Dean placed a hand to his chest by his heart. “Really? God, you two are disgustingly sweet. For Ben’s first Halloween, I bought him a little monkey costume.” Dean frowned, suddenly, like he’d just remembered all over again that Ben was gone. But he pulled himself together and said, “Anyway, let me start cleaning up around here. Then I’ll get out of your hair.”

Castiel would have been worried if Dean hadn’t recovered from the memory so quickly. But Dean looked okay. More than okay. Dean looked genuinely happy. Maybe Castiel wouldn’t have to worry so much about him anymore. 

It was November 4th when Amelia went into labor.

Castiel had been in the middle of writing when Amelia, calm as ever, walked into his office to let him know the baby was coming. For a few seconds all Castiel could do was stare at her. When his brain decided to function again, he jumped into action. They’d packed a delivery bag with all their essential items a month before, so he grabbed that from the nursery. Then he found the keys for his truck and his phone, and he offered up his arm for Amelia to hold as he helped her to the truck. The car seat was already inside it. 

His hands were shaking as he tried starting the truck. 

Amelia grabbed his wrist, offering him a smile. “Calm down, dear. Take a few breaths. It’ll be okay.”

How was she not freaking out? Castiel had a deafening pounding in his ears from how loud his heart was beating. Amelia was the one in labor. How was she the one calming _him_ down?

“Yeah, yeah, I’m calm,” Castiel lied, trying to take a few deep breaths. “How are you feeling? Any pain?”

Amelia winced, then. “Yeah, just some contractions. My water broke.”

“What? When?”

“Just now. So you should probably get me to the hospital.”

Castiel widened his eyes, noticing that her water had, indeed, broken. The fluid was dripping down to the floor of the truck. “Right. It’s happening. Okay. Let’s go.”

By some miracle, Castiel found the way to the hospital, helping Amelia out of the truck and calling out for the hospital orderlies, who provided her with a wheelchair. Castiel handed over his keys to the one of the valet parking employees before he ran back inside the hospital. Amelia was being carried into a delivery room, but Castiel was forced to fill out the paperwork. After filling it out as best as he could, Castiel sent Dean a text with all the details before finding Amelia’s room.

When Castiel stepped inside, Amelia was complaining about shortness of breath. Castiel rushed to her side, but Dr. Raphael Williams and a couple of nurses were already on the move, checking all her vital signs and then putting a mask over her. 

Castiel looked up at Dr. Williams, trying to read his face, but he’d always had an infuriating poker face. “Is she alright? Is my wife okay?”

Dr. Williams didn’t spare Castiel a glance as he continued monitoring Amelia’s vitals. “It appears Mrs. Novak is going into very rapid labor.”

“Already?” Castiel asked, and the sudden loudness of his voice startled him. He pushed his way closer to Amelia so he could hold her hand. It was cold. Was she cold? Was she uncomfortable? Did she need a blanket? “We just got here.”

Dr. Williams furrowed his eyebrows, the first real sign that something was wrong. Something had to be wrong. Castiel could feel it. “Such rapid labor is uncommon. We must act fast, Mr. Novak.”

Castiel turned to look at Amelia, whose eyes were big and panicked as she rapidly looked at every face in the room. She looked a lot calmer when she met Castiel’s gaze, but her chest was moving up and down quickly. It was so unlike Amelia to look so frightened. In all their time together, Castiel had been the one prone to fear. Amelia was the brave one, the one who would always calm him down. This was wrong in so many ways.

Dr. Williams gave orders to transfer Amelia to the delivery room and Castiel was forced to let go of Amelia’s hand, which was still concerningly cold.

_She’s cold. She needs warmth. She needs a blanket. She needs something_.

Once in the delivery room, they asked Castiel to step aside as they worked, and it took all of his self-power to do as he was told. He needed to be there, holding Amelia’s hand.

“Amelia, do you think you can push?” Dr. Williams asked her.

Amelia nodded, but Castiel didn’t miss the growing anxiety in her face. Amelia wasn’t comfortable. How was she supposed to push out an entire baby right now?

Dr. Williams got into position near her legs. 

“She’s already dilated ten centimeters,” Dr. Williams explained. “The baby’s crowning.”

Castiel pushed himself behind one of the nurses and held Amelia’s hand. Amelia gripped his hand, her eyes wide as they looked at him. “I’m right here, Ames. I’m right here.”

Dr. Williams was giving orders and the nurses were answering and the machines were whirring and beeping, but it was all senseless noise. When Amelia started pushing, Castiel stopped listening to anyone or anything else. He focused solely on Amelia and he did his best to calm her down for the first time ever.

Castiel pushed back Amelia’s sweaty hair. “You’re doing great, baby. You’re going to be okay. I’m right here. Are you cold? As soon as this is over I’ll get you a blanket, I promise.”

Amelia kept pushing, and pushing, and pushing, and Castiel kissed her temple, clutching their hands to his chest. This would hopefully be over soon. Then they could take Claire home together and live out the rest of their lives just the three of them. Castiel was not having any more children. Not when it caused Amelia this much trouble.

The tension in the room was broken by the crying of a baby, and Castiel turned in time to see Claire for the first time. Dr. Williams cut the umbilical cord and a nurse brought Claire closer to them. Castiel forgot the turmoil he’d been living when he saw his daughter for the first time. Claire was covered in blood and goo, but she was the most beautiful human Castiel had ever laid eyes on.

“Amelia, look,” Castiel said, grinning widely. “It’s our daughter.”

Amelia smiled, her fingertips caressing Claire’s cheek and arm. Amelia’s smile lasted for a few seconds only before her eyes fluttered closed. The machines started beeping loud and quick, indicating that something was definitely wrong now.

“Her BP’s dropping,” a nurse called out.

“Amelia!” Castiel said, his heart falling to the pit of his stomach. “Amelia!” He turned to Dr. Williams. “What’s wrong with her?”

It was when he saw the blood staining the clothes, the sheets, and the bed that he fought the urge to scream. It was an unhealthy amount of blood to be pooling out of Amelia. What the fuck was going on? This couldn’t be part of the delivery.

Claire was gone and Dr. Williams was shouting orders, sounding far too agitated to calm Castiel’s nerves. When he was asked to leave the room, Castiel wanted to argue, to tell them that there was no way he was going to leave Amelia’s side. But no one was paying attention to him as they hovered around Amelia, trying to stabilize her. So Castiel stayed by the wall, eyes wide as he took in everything.

When Dr. Williams announced that Amelia had to be taken for an emergency surgery, Castiel was forced to leave the room because Amelia was being wheeled out of it. Everything was happening too quickly for Castiel to process what was going on. All he knew was that Amelia was bleeding profusely for some reason and she needed some kind of surgery. 

Suddenly, Castiel found himself in a long white hallway, staring at the wall in front of him, unable to move. His hands were shaking and his heart was beating out of rhythm. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This couldn’t be happening. Claire’s birth was supposed to bring them joy not this heavy concern. Castiel needed to know what was happening to Amelia.

“Cas! Hey, did I miss it?”

Castiel turned towards the familiar voice to see Dean, walking up to him holding pink balloons. As soon as he looked at Castiel, Dean’s smile fell. 

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked, stopping a few feet away. “What’s going on?”

Castiel shook his head. His voice was raspy when he tried to speak, so he cleared his throat. “Something happened after the delivery. There was….so much blood.”

Dean widened his eyes. “What? Are you—fuck, are you serious?”

Castiel nodded, stepping backwards until his back hit the wall and he leaned heavily against it. “She was taken in for an emergency surgery. That’s all I know.”

“Fuck,” Dean said, leaning on the same wall beside him. “Dammit to hell.” Dean turned to look at Castiel. “Look, I’m sure everything will be alright. Amelia’s a fighter. She’ll be okay.”

Castiel wanted to believe him, but both his mind and heart were racing with concern and he wasn’t sure what to believe in anymore. “I held Amelia’s hand in mine and it was cold. Too cold for comfort. I kept thinking that she needed a blanket. I hate thinking that she was cold on top of everything else.”

“Cas—”

“I’m so scared, Dean. I’m so scared to lose her.”

“Hey, hey, no you won’t lose her.” Dean was suddenly in front of him, meeting Castiel’s distant gaze. “You’re not gonna lose her, alright, buddy? You’re gonna take your baby home together. Look, I know I’m not a praying man, but I’ll pray for her. To all the gods in the book. I’ll pray. Let’s pray together.”

“I don’t know how to pray anymore.”

“That’s alright. I’ll pray for both of us.”

Silence fell between them for what felt like an eternity.

Eventually, a nurse informed Castiel that his daughter had been taken to the nursery and he was given a matching wristband with her information.

“Is she okay?” Castiel asked. “Is my daughter okay?”

The nurse smiled and nodded. “Yes, sir. She’s a healthy baby.”

Castiel let out a long breath of relief, leaning his head back on the wall. That was one less concern in his mind, at least. 

“Can we see her?” Dean asked.

“Sure,” the nurse answered.

Dean turned to Castiel. “Cas, let’s go see Claire. It’ll help take your mind off of everything else.”

Castiel shook his head. “No, I’m not going anywhere. I need to wait here for news on Amelia.”

“Alright, I hear you. We’ll stay here until we hear anything.”

Castiel closed his eyes. He was getting a headache. “You don’t have to stay here. You can go see Claire, or you can go home.”

“Cas, come on, you know me better than that. There’s no way in hell I’m leaving you alone right now.”

“Thank you,” Castiel whispered.

The moment Castiel saw Dr. Williams approaching him with a frown on his face, Castiel knew. It hit him like an avalanche. He was already drowning in ten feet of snow by the time he was given the news.

“Mr. Novak, your wife suffered from atony of the uterus due to her rapid labor. I believe I explained before the risks due to her age.”

Amelia was almost thirty-seven years old. Sure, they knew the risks, but they’d always believed that she’d be alright. They’d never had any doubts about this pregnancy.

“Unfortunately,” Dr. Williams continued, “this issue led to a severe hemorrhage. It quickly sent her into a hemorrhagic shock. We took her in for an emergency surgery to tie off the blood vessels. However, the blood loss was far more than we were able to resupply with blood transfusions.”

Castiel saw the blood surrounding Amelia in the delivery room. There was so much of it. Amelia had bled out. She’d...fuck, she’d bled out, hadn’t she? 

Castiel was shaking. He could feel himself shaking uncontrollably. He was fear embodied.

_My Amelia...my beautiful, sweet, wonderful Amelia. No, no, no._

Dr. Williams sighed. “We did everything we could, Mr. Novak, but I am pained to announce that we were unable to save Mrs. Novak’s life.” There was sadness in his eyes rather than his usual poker face, and he squeezed Castiel’s shoulder. “I’d like to offer you my sincerest apologies for your loss.”

_My loss? What about Claire’s loss? What about Amelia’s parents’ loss? What about Amelia’s friends’ loss? What about the entire world’s loss?_

Castiel couldn’t feel his body anymore.

Dr. Williams furrowed his eyebrows.“Mrs. Novak is currently being cleaned in a new room in case you’d like to step inside for a moment. A nurse will be here soon to take you there. After, she’ll be sent down to the morgue where she will be kept until you figure out the funeral arrangements.”

_Morgue. Funeral arrangements. Amelia._

“In regards to your daughter,” Dr. Williams continued. “She was born in good health, despite everything. You may consider it a small miracle in the middle of this tragedy. I’m deeply sorry, Castiel. Amelia was a great person.”

_A great person. Amelia. A great person._

“Okay,” Castiel said, blinking.

Dr. Williams gave Castiel’s shoulder one final squeeze before he turned and walked back the way he’d come from.

“Cas, Cas, hey, you need to sit down.” It was Dean. He was standing in front of him, holding him up by the arms. 

Castiel hadn’t realized that his legs had given out and he was on his way down. But Dean had a strong grip on him, so now Castiel was wobbling side to side. He couldn’t remember how to use any of his limbs anymore. What the hell was happening?

“Sit down,” Dean insisted.

So Castiel sat down. On the floor. He sat there, staring at a wall while Dean knelt beside him. He could hear Dean speaking to him, offering him water, asking about his well-being, but Castiel couldn’t say anything in return. He hadn’t finished processing anything Dr. Williams had said.

_Hemorrhage. Morgue. Funeral. Great person._

And then, Castiel found his voice again. “She’s dead.”

When he could focus his vision again, the first thing he saw was Dean. He looked crestfallen, tears filling up his eyes. Castiel didn’t know what his own face looked like, but he didn’t think it was good judging by the worry in Dean’s eyes. 

“Cas, are you with me?” Dean asked, hands still gripping Castiel’s arms. “You listening to me right now?”

Castiel squinted. “She’s dead.”

“I know, buddy, I know.” Dean swallowed. “I was there. I heard everything. I need to make sure you’re okay. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

Castiel blinked. “She’s dead.”

“Cas, do you need some water?” Dean asked, looking around helplessly. “I really wanna get you some water, but I don’t wanna leave you here alone.”

“She’s dead.” It was starting to sound like a mantra.

Dean let out a shaky breath. “Wait right here, alright? I’m getting you some water.”

_She’s dead. She’s dead. She’s dead. She’s dead. She’s dead. She’s dead. She’s dead. She’s dead._

Dean returned with a cold water bottle and he twisted it open, offering it to Castiel. When Castiel didn’t grab it, Dean pressed the top to Castiel’s open mouth, helping him drink as though Castiel was a toddler. Castiel drank the water, doing his best not to choke on it.

Dean was frowning at him. “You feeling any better?”

Castiel didn’t know how to answer that question, so he didn’t.

Suddenly, a nurse showed up, letting them know she was there to escort them to Amelia’s room so they could say goodbye before she was taken to the morgue.

The promise of seeing Amelia made Castiel shoot up, finding the strength in his limbs again. He followed the nurse with Dean close beside him like he was worried Castiel would topple over any second. But Castiel knew he could do this. He had to see Amelia.

They stopped outside the room, where the nurse excused herself. 

Castiel turned to Dean. “Can you come inside with me?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, of course I’ll go with you.”

The room was freezing cold, and it infuriated Castiel because didn’t they know that Amelia was already cold? Couldn’t they offer her some warmth even in death?

Death.

Amelia didn’t look dead. She looked peacefully, deeply asleep. Her eyes were closed, and her arms hung at her sides. But there was something off about her. Castiel was unable to feel her energy anymore. Being near Amelia had always been electric. There had always been a strong, magnetic pull drawing him to her. However, Castiel had stopped feeling it. This was Amelia’s body, but she was no longer in it.

Regardless, Castiel brushed back Amelia’s hair from her face and was surprised to find that it was still soft and lush like it had always been.

Castiel knew that he should be crying right now. For God’s sake, his wife was dead. But he thought that maybe he was in shock, because his hands weren’t even shaking anymore. Castiel felt catatonic as he stared at Amelia’s face. Her chest wasn’t moving. She wasn’t breathing. Had she been afraid when she gave her last breath? Had she wondered why Castiel wasn’t in the room with her? She’d been unconscious the last time he’d seen her. He hadn’t been able to say goodbye to her.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean said, holding Amelia’s hand. “I’m so sorry.”

Castiel nodded. 

Yes, he was sorry, too.

  
  


**Dean**

Dean drove Castiel’s truck back home the day after Amelia’s death. Claire, who’d been born with Amelia’s blonde hair, was strapped into the car seat, between Dean and Castiel. It was impossible to believe that Amelia was gone. If Dean hadn’t seen her lifeless body, he wouldn’t have believed the truth. Amelia had been so ready to be a mom. This shouldn’t have happened. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Dean had already cried his heart out in a bathroom stall. Bathroom breaks were the only times he’d left Castiel alone. Back at the hospital, he’d called Sam to let him know, and Sam and Jess had both been inconsolable over the phone. However, Castiel hadn’t shed a single tear since he heard the news. Dean couldn’t imagine what Castiel was going through right now, losing the love of his life. Dean was grieving a close friend, but Castiel was grieving his fucking soulmate. His life partner. Those two things didn’t compare. Either Castiel hadn’t fully processed his loss, or he was keeping all of his feelings bottled up inside. Dean was an expert when it came to the latter, so he hoped that wasn’t the case.

Once home, Dean carried the car seat inside while Castiel followed close behind. Dean wasn’t even sure that Castiel had blinked in the last few minutes. Castiel’s eyes were gone, somewhere far away. Dean had never seen that look on his face. It was what led him to believe that maybe Castiel just hadn’t processed the entire thing. He looked like he was sleepwalking.

Claire was asleep, and she looked like a living, breathing angel in her car seat. Dean had dressed her in one of the newborn outfits from the bag Castiel had brought with him; it was a white onesie with teddy bears on the feet. He’d also changed her diaper. Dean had asked Castiel if he wanted to take care of that, but it was like Castiel wasn’t really there. But Dean didn’t mind doing it, and he had a lot of experience changing diapers.

“Cas, do you want me to put Claire in her crib?” Dean asked, setting the car seat down on the couch.

Castiel wasn’t in the room anymore.

Dandy was standing by the car seat, sniffing Claire and wagging her tail.

“That’s your little sister, Dandy,” Dean said, wondering if that was actually true. He’d never even owned a pet before. “It’s gonna be rough for you guys, I’m not gonna lie. But you gotta be strong, both of you. For Cas. He’s gonna need you now more than ever.”

Dean decided not to bother Claire while she was sleeping so soundly. Instead, Dean sat beside Claire on the couch. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. Claire looked like a perfect blend of Castiel and Amelia, so, naturally she was beautiful. Dean was filled with sadness all over again when he thought about Amelia. Dean already felt uncomfortable being in this house without seeing Amelia with her big belly and a matching smile. There was never a time when Amelia didn’t smile upon seeing Dean. Damn it. Dean started crying again. 

Half an hour later, Sam and Jess were at the door. Dean hadn’t been expecting them, but he let them in. They both looked as distraught as Dean felt. But the sight of Claire still managed to bring a smile out of them.

“She’s beautiful,” Jess said.

Sam nodded. “She really is.”

“You guys mind staying with her while I go check on Cas?” Dean asked. “He disappeared as soon as we got here, and I wanna make sure he’s alright.”

“Yeah, sure, go ahead,” Jess said, taking over Dean’s place on the couch. “We’ll look out for her.”

Dean went into the nursery first, but the door was open and it was empty. He tried the master bedroom next and found Castiel sitting on the bed with his legs folded up to his chest, back pressed up against the headboard.

When Castiel saw Dean, he wiped his cheeks. He looked embarrassed to be caught crying, as if he hadn’t seen Dean crying and slobbering on him countless times before. “Dean, I’m fine.”

Dean stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. “You don’t have to put on a brave face for me.”

“I’m not,” Castiel said, his voice thick with tears. Then he buried his face in between his arms and started crying again.

Dean sat down on the bed beside him. “It’s normal to feel like your world is falling apart right now.” He kept his eyes forward to give Castiel some privacy in his grief. “I still remember how it felt when I lost my mom as a kid. The pain comes in waves. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. No matter what everyone tells you, it doesn’t just go away with time. Hate to tell you this, but this kind of stuff stays with you forever.”

Castiel was still crying quietly, head covered up. He looked like a child, so frail and small. Dean wished he could erase all the pain he was feeling, but that was impossible. So, he threw an arm around Castiel’s shoulders and held him tight.

“Except, it’s not always this unbearable,” Dean continued. “After some time, the pain quiets down. And then it’s just like the hum of a quiet song that keeps replaying in your head.” Dean sighed. “You have Claire now, Cas. You have a daughter, and she’s amazing. I’m not gonna rush you, but whenever you’re ready, you should hold her in your arms. I think it’ll help you.”

Castiel didn’t say anything in return, but Dean hadn’t been expecting it. 

Dean decided to sit with him until the tears stopped.

About an hour later, the room had grown dark. Neither of them had moved from their place on the bed. Dean thought that maybe Castiel had fallen asleep, but his breathing was too uneven for that to be true. Outside, Claire had started crying. She was either hungry or in need of a diaper change.

“I’ll go check on her,” Dean said, but Castiel held his arm to stop him. It was too dark to see his face when he finally lifted it. “What’s wrong?”

“Dean, I don’t want to take advantage of your kindness. You have no idea how much I appreciate you helping me with Claire. I want to take care of my daughter, I do. But I’m—”

“You’re grieving, I know. I get it. You don’t have to explain anything to me, Cas. You take all the time you need to grieve. I can take care of Claire until you feel ready. It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me.”

“I promise, I will go out there and be a dad, but I just need some time.” His voice broke, so he stayed quiet for a short minute. “I just need some time, Dean.”

Dean nodded, though he knew it was too dark for Castiel to see it. “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thank you.”

Dean squeezed Castiel’s shoulder before hopping off the bed and stepping back into the living room. 

Sam was holding Claire in his arms, and he looked terrified the louder she cried. “Dean, I don’t know why she won’t stop crying.”

“I think she’s hungry,” Jess said.

Dean took Claire from Sam, and he checked her diaper, but it wasn’t full or dirty, so he agreed with Jess that Claire was probably just hungry. He found the formula and clean bottles, and prepared Claire’s meal. Then he sat back on the couch, feeding her.

Claire accepted the bottle greedily, fisting her tiny hands. She still had tears on her face. Everyone was crying in this house lately. 

Sam and Jess looked down at Dean, almost in awe.

“It’s not my first rodeo,” Dean said.

They sat down on the other couch.

“How is he?” Sam asked.

“How do you think? It’s gonna take some time. I’m gonna help him with Claire until he’s ready to take over.”

“Poor Castiel,” Jess said. “Losing his wife the same day his daughter is born. It’s so tragic.”

“Amelia was good people,” Dean said. “Claire deserved to be raised by her.”

Sam sighed. “What about the funeral arrangements? Have you talked to Castiel about that yet? I could try to help.”

“He’s not okay to deal with any of that right now. If you wanna help, I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. Thanks, Sammy.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, of course. I’m glad to help out with something.”

As soon as Claire finished her bottle, Dean perched her up on his shoulder to burp her, holding her head carefully in his hand. Once she did, Dean took her to her crib. By the time she was laying in it, she was fast asleep. Ben hadn’t been this calm. He’d loved to cry for hours before he fell asleep. Claire was much calmer. It didn’t make Dean miss Ben any less. It made him wish that Ben was around to meet Claire, so he could share those stories with him.

Dean found the baby monitor by the diaper changing table and he turned it on, hanging one part on the crib while holding on to the monitor displaying a sleeping Claire. When he turned around and saw the stunning mural that Amelia had worked on for months, his heart skipped a beat. 

Amelia was really gone. She wasn’t coming back. She didn’t get to be a mom. God, this was awful. Castiel and Claire shouldn’t have to endure this loss. 

It was then that Dean promised Amelia—wherever she was—that he would always take care of both of them.

“She’s asleep,” Dean said, when he eventually made it back to the couch.

“Sam went out to pick up some Chinese food,” Jess said. “Maybe Castiel will eat something.”

That was unlikely, but Dean would try to get him out of the room sooner or later. “Yeah, maybe.”

When Sam arrived with the food, Dean went to look for Castiel. He was sprawled on the bed, on top of the covers, sleeping. At least he’d managed to fall asleep and get some rest. He had a quiet snore, which Dean had known after their camping trip. Dean knew that if he woke him up, Castiel would only start crying again. 

Dean went to sit at the dinner table with Sam and Jess, who were already eating. Dean set the baby monitor on the table beside him, and he ate with them. He wasn’t really hungry, but he knew he had to eat. Jody had told him how much worse all his symptoms became on an empty stomach, so he always made himself eat three times a day now.

After dinner, Sam and Jess went to say goodbye to a sleeping Claire. Sam promised Dean he’d get started getting all the funeral preparations in order and he’d keep him updated. Dean thanked them for coming and walked them to the door.

Dean wanted to call Amelia’s parents, but he didn’t have their number. He went back to Castiel’s room to see if he could find his phone, but when Dean turned on one of the lamps, he saw that Castiel was awake and staring up at the ceiling. “Hey. Did I wake you up?”

“No,” Castiel said.

“Sam and Jess just left. They brought food. You should eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“I know you’re not hungry, but your body needs food anyway.” Dean sat on the edge of the bed. “You said the same thing to me plenty of times. Will you please try to eat something?”

Castiel sighed, rubbing his eyes, which were puffy from all the crying. Groaning, he stood up from the bed and went into the kitchen. Dean followed him and he took out the leftovers, putting them in the microwave to reheat them. Meanwhile, Castiel leaned back against the kitchen counter, bursting into tears yet again.

This time, Dean ran up to him, pulling him into his arms, more out of fear that he was going to fall over. Castiel gripped his hands onto Dean’s shirt, burying his face in Dean’s neck as he cried louder this time. If he was holding back before, he wasn’t now. “I can’t stand seeing you like this. Cas, I promise you’ll get through this. We’ll get through it together.”

Castiel sniffled. “We will?”

“Of course we will,” Dean said, moving his hands in soothing motions on Castiel’s back. “It’s you and me now, buddy. We’re in this together.”

“Don’t leave me, Dean. Please, don’t leave me. I don’t know what I’ll do if you leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Cas. I’m here. I’m right here. I’ll stay here for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes for you to be okay.”

Castiel didn’t say anything else, but he gripped Dean tighter.

Dean had meant every word he said. He would stay forever, if that was what it took. He’d made Amelia a promise.

When Castiel pulled away slightly, Dean brushed back his sweaty hair, which was overly messy from his nap and covering his forehead. Castiel was pouting his lips, and his eyes were still glassy, but he didn’t have that faraway look anymore. That was progress.

Dean held his face in his hands. “You think you can sit and eat while I make a few calls?”

Castiel nodded. 

“Good. Can I see your phone? I’m going to try reaching Amelia’s parents.”

Castiel’s eyes went wide. “I didn’t think about calling them. I’m a fucking idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot. You’re going through a lot right now. Let me do it. All you need to do right now is take care of yourself. Let me take care of you for once, yeah?”

Castiel nodded again.

Dean smiled, lowering his hands from his face. “Go sit down. I’ll get your food.”

After bringing Castiel’s food to the table, Dean took Castiel’s phone and went to the backyard. It was better if he did this out of Castiel’s hearing range.

Amelia’s mom answered the phone. Dean had been hoping her dad answered their house phone. Either way, they would both find out sooner or later. Dean was taken aback when Robert and Esther knew exactly who he was. Apparently, Amelia had talked endlessly about him to them. Dean wanted to cry all over again, but he waited until the tears cleared away from his eyes to proceed to tell them the bad news. Dean had to hear Amelia’s mom and dad crying over the phone, and it was the absolute worst. He was glad he’d spared Castiel the trouble of doing this.

They both promised they would take the earliest flight to Oklahoma the next day, and Dean wished them a safe trip. What else could he say? He’d given them his condolences, but that never felt like enough. 

When he entered the kitchen, Dean was glad to see that Castiel was eating. Dean sat beside him at the table, refilling his glass with more water from the pitcher he’d left there.

“Did you speak to them?” Castiel asked, tilting his head.

“Yeah, I gave them the news,” Dean said, running a hand through his hair. “They’ll be here tomorrow.”

Castiel nodded. “I’ll get the guest room ready.” He dropped his fork, ready to get up.

Dean pushed him back down by the shoulder. “You’re not lifting a finger until you’re done eating. I can get the room ready. What do you need me to do?”

Castiel sighed, but he didn’t try to get up again. “I need to grab clean sheets from the closet and make the bed. I should also take out the treadmill that I stored in there without ever using it. It needs to go in the garage.”

“Okay, I can do that. Finish eating and let me know if Claire wakes up.” Dean motioned to the monitor still at the table. 

Castiel chewed slowly. Then he looked down at his plate, taking a deep breath. “She looks exactly like Amelia, doesn’t she?”

Dean put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “But she has your eyes.”

Castiel actually smiled.

“She’s perfect, Cas,” Dean said. “I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you’re lucky. Claire was born healthy, despite everything that happened.”

“I just never thought I’d have to bring Claire home without Amelia.”

“It’s gonna take some time to get used to your new normal. But it _will_ happen.”

Castiel’s eyes were sad when he looked at Dean. “Are you sure?”

“Very sure,” Dean said. Then, he stood up. “I’ll get started with the guest room.”

“Thank you, Dean. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”

Dean messed up his hair affectionately. “That’s nonsense. This is what family does for each other.”

Besides, the smile on Castiel’s face was payment enough.

**Castiel**

In the middle of the night, Castiel woke up to Claire crying. She was loud enough to carry all the way to Castiel’s bedroom. Half asleep, Castiel kicked off his blanket, sitting up in bed as he rubbed his weary eyes.

Castiel was Claire’s dad. He should step up. It was time. He’d let Dean do all the work so far. Castiel made his way to the nursery, but Dean was already there, picking up Claire from her crib. Even though he’d been woken up by a sound less than pleasant, Dean looked more than content to be taking care of Claire. For a few seconds, Castiel stood on the doorway, listening to Dean talk to Claire.

“Hi, baby girl. What’s the matter? You got a dirty diaper? You hungry? Or do you just want to be picked up? Aw, sweet girl, look at those tears. It’s alright, sweetheart. Don’t cry. I’m right here.”

Castiel smiled. Dean was a natural when it came to being a dad. On the other hand, Castiel had a lot to learn. Castiel hadn’t been a good dad to Claire so far. “Dean, can I hold her?”

Dean turned around, eyes wide at finding Castiel standing there. “Hey, Cas. Sure, you can hold her. She’s yours.”

Castiel stepped closer, holding out his arms for Claire. The transferring of a baby from one set of arms to the other was a bit awkward, but Castiel managed to do it. Claire was still crying, her tiny mouth wide open as she cried with a powerful intensity. Castiel didn’t know a baby could be so loud. Her lungs might be small, but they were strong. But Castiel wasn’t at all bothered by the loud cries. He was smiling down at Claire, hit with all the love he felt for her. It didn’t lessen the pain he still felt from his loss, but it made it so much easier to swallow. Castiel pressed his lips to her forehead, and Claire became very still, her eyes opening to reveal a clear blue color. She did have his eyes.

“Hello, Claire,” Castiel whispered, and Claire found his index finger, gripping it with her hand. For such a tiny person, she was not weak at all.

“She stopped crying,” Dean said, sounding amazed by that fact. “You got her to stop crying just by holding her.”

Castiel grinned up at Dean. “Do you think she knows who I am?”

Dean ran his fingertips over the few blonde hairs on her head. “Yeah, I think babies can sense their parents. She must feel safe with you. She knows how much you love her.”

Castiel looked back at Claire, who was now staring at him, blinking her wet eyelashes. “That’s true. I do love her very much.”

“I always knew you’d be a great dad,” Dean said.

Claire hadn’t let go of Castiel’s finger, and Castiel was happy to stay like that with her for the rest of the night. But after a few minutes, Claire pouted, and she began crying again. Castiel looked helplessly at Dean. He didn’t have the slightest clue what to do about it.

“Babies usually cry for one of three reasons,” Dean said. “One: they’re hungry. Two: they need a diaper change. And the third one, which is the worst one: they’re sick. We don’t always want to jump to the third one because it’s most likely one of the first two. Sometimes, it’s the first two reasons combined. You should start by checking her diaper. Is it too heavy with pee, or does it have poo?”

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. “How do I check?”

“Easy,” Dean said. “You don’t have to take off the entire diaper to check. Sometimes, you’ll know just by getting close and sniffing it. Or you could lift up the side of the diaper and look inside. Since she’s wearing a onesie, that’ll take longer.”

Castiel never thought he’d have to lean in to smell his baby’s diaper, but that was what he did. And it smelled like urine. “I think she needs a change.”

“Okay, bring her over to the table.”

Castiel set Claire down on the changing table. It was easier to transfer her from his arms to that surface than it was before. Castiel unbuttoned her onesie slowly. Despite being so strong, Castiel saw Claire as a fragile, breakable thing. He didn’t want to accidentally hurt her with his much bigger hands. He managed to get her legs out of the onesie, and then he grabbed a clean diaper. He’d researched diaper changing techniques, but he’d never actually done it before.

“I’ll walk you through it,” Dean said, standing beside him. Castiel welcomed Dean’s constant presence, especially right this moment when he felt so clueless about something as simple as a diaper change.

Dean allowed Castiel to do everything, telling him exactly how to do it. Castiel made sure he was following the directions to the dot because he couldn’t afford to screw up any further. But Dean was very patient with him, praising him whenever he did it right. After the clean diaper was on, Castiel put Claire’s legs carefully back in the onesie and buttoned it back up. Claire let out a big yawn, her little fists shaking with the action. How was it possible that everything she did was endearing?

Castiel picked her back up and rocked her slightly as her eyelids fluttered closed. Dean had been right when he’d said she was perfect. “Should I put her back in the crib?”

“Yeah, unless you want your arms to be sore in the morning.”

Castiel wouldn’t mind sore arms if it meant he’d get to hold Claire all night. But he was feeling tired, too, and he wanted Claire to sleep comfortably. This time, the transfer was even easier. He stood over the crib, watching her chest move up and down as she slept. 

When Castiel started yawning, he walked out of the room with Dean. In the hallway, Castiel leaned on a wall and Dean leaned on the other, and they stood there across from each other, sharing soft smiles. 

“You did good, Cas,” Dean said, quietly.

“Only because you helped.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

Castiel yawned again, covering his mouth.

Dean pushed himself off the wall. “Go back to bed. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Tomorrow, Castiel’s in-laws would arrive. Castiel would have to face them and deal with their grief on top of his own. Tomorrow, Castiel would have to get started planning a funeral for his wife. For the first time, Castiel realized he was a widower.

But that was a problem for the morning. Right now, he had this. He had Claire and Dean nearby, and things weren’t as scary in the dark.

In the morning, Castiel’s house was full of people. 

Sam and Jess, who was holding Claire, were in the living room. Charlie and Rosa were on the other couch. Before they could exchange more than smiles, Dean walked in from the kitchen.

“Hey, Cas, breakfast’s ready,” Dean announced. “I was waiting for you to wake up to start eating.”

Castiel was too tired to worry about the fact that he was standing in his pajamas in front of all of these unexpected guests. He waved lamely at everyone before he followed Dean into the kitchen. 

Dean pushed Castiel into a chair and then set down a plate with eggs, bacon, and hash browns next to a mug full of coffee in front of him. “How’d you sleep?” Dean took the chair beside his, digging into his own plate of food.

“Fine,” Castiel said, though his head was still heavy with sleep. “You?”

“Good,” Dean said. “Sorry about everyone. They sort of showed up. Charlie and Rosa brought muffins.” Dean motioned to the basket of muffins on the counter.

“It’s okay. When do Esther and Robert get here?”

“At noon,” Dean said. “I’m picking them up at the airport.”

“Dean, you don’t have to do all this. I’m okay. Let me help with something.”

Dean sipped his coffee. “I got everything covered. Actually, I wanted to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

“I still have your phone,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I wanted to call your sister and maybe also your mom to let them know what happened. But I figured it’s best to ask you first.”

Castiel frowned. The last thing he wanted right now was to deal with them. This wasn’t the time for a family reunion. “I don’t think so.”

“Cas, you should be with family right now.”

“I already am,” Castiel said, meeting Dean’s gaze.

Dean’s eyes softened. “Well, the more the merrier, right?”

“I haven’t spoken to Anna in months. And it’s been years since I heard from my mother. I don’t think this is the appropriate time to reach out to them.”

“You told me before that your relationship with your sister isn’t that bad. We don’t have to call your mom, just her. Anna, right?”

“Yeah.” Castiel sighed, knowing Dean wouldn’t leave it alone. “I guess you can call Anna. If she wants to attend the funeral, she can.”

Dean smiled, victoriously. “Awesome. I’ll give her a call. She’ll probably be happy to meet her niece, too.”

“I never told her Amelia was pregnant,” Castiel admitted.

Dean gaped at him. “What? Dude, she’s your sister. How does she not know you were going to be a dad? That’s a big deal.”

“I was going to tell her eventually. I just never got around to it.”

“Jeez. Well, I’ll let her know what happened. I’m sure she’ll be glad to see you again.”

Castiel wasn’t so sure.

There were suddenly a pair of arms hugging him from behind, and for a split second, Castiel was sure it was Amelia. He looked up, hope filling him, only to see Charlie’s freckled face. He grimaced. Amelia was gone. He had to accept that. 

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Castiel,” Charlie said, letting him go and plopping down on a chair at the table. “How are you dealing with all of this?”

“Truthfully, I don’t know,” Castiel said, having lost his appetite. “But Dean has been a huge help. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

Dean gave him a soft smile. “I’m gonna give Claire her bottle before heading to the airport. Do you need anything while I’m out?”

“No, you’ve done more than enough, Dean,” Castiel said. “Thank you.”

“Rosa and I would like to help, too,” Charlie said. “Is there anything we can do? Anything at all?”

“Thank you, Charlie, but I think Dean and I have it covered for now,” Castiel said.

But Dean hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck. “Actually, Sam started looking into the funeral arrangements. He has everything covered, except for the food aspect. If you and Rosa wanted to help with that, it’d be great.”

“We can definitely do that!” Charlie said, beaming.

Castiel gaped at Dean. “What do you mean Sam has everything covered? I don’t understand.”

“It’s not easy planning your own wife’s funeral,” Dean said. “We wanted to spare you the trouble. Sam has all the details if you’d like to go through them with him. Actually, Sam wanted to ask you some questions about things he can’t decide on his own. He was waiting for you to wake up to talk about it.”

Castiel was taken aback by their kindness. “What about the money? I haven’t given you my credit card information.”

Dean waved a hand. “We’ve got it all covered. Not just us. As soon as the neighborhood found out yesterday, they’ve been pitching in. Everyone loved Amelia. They want to help out in any way they can. I told you, Cas, all you need to worry about is yourself. Do it for Claire, yeah?”

Castiel felt tears in his eyes, but he refused to cry in front of Charlie, so he waited until they cleared before speaking again. “I don’t know how to thank everyone. It’s too much.”

Dean clapped his shoulder. “Amelia was a wonderful person. This is all for her.”

“Yeah, Castiel,” Charlie said. “We’re more than happy to help out. Amelia was the sweetest, most genuine friend I had in my life. She will never be forgotten. We’re going to all make sure to give her the best goodbye we can.”

Castiel swallowed. “I’m sure she would be very touched by all of this.”

“Cas,” Dean said, lowering his hand from his shoulder. “We’d like you to write up her eulogy. Do you think you could do that? You’re our best writer.”

Castiel hadn’t even thought about the need for a eulogy. Before this conversation, he hadn’t thought about how he would even start planning the funeral. Castiel could barely function anymore. If it wasn’t for Dean and everyone else, Amelia wouldn’t have a proper funeral. He tried not to let that sink in too hard.

“Yes,” Castiel said. “I can do that.”

At least now Castiel had something to contribute.

After Dean left for the airport, Charlie and Rosa left, too. Sam and Jess stuck around and Castiel had the slight suspicion it was because Dean had asked them to stay. Castiel wasn’t against the idea mostly because he didn’t want to be left alone. He was afraid of being alone. He was rarely ever alone, especially in this house. Amelia had always been around. He couldn’t get used to not seeing her painting on the back porch or sitting on the couch with Dandy. Perhaps it would take a long time before he stopped expecting to run into her.

Castiel had Claire in his arms because she hadn’t fallen asleep after Dean fed her the bottle, but she also wasn’t crying. She was just staring up at him, like she was fascinated by him. That probably wasn’t true, but Castiel _was_ actually fascinated with her. Castiel almost couldn’t believe that he’d helped make her. How could something so beautiful and perfect come from him? Claire was a miracle.

“I think Dean is back,” Sam said, looking out the window.

Castiel took a deep breath, preparing himself to see his in-laws. He was afraid to be around them. He didn’t know how to face them knowing he’d see their grief in their faces, the same grief he was feeling at the moment. Castiel wished he could have been beside Amelia until her last breath.

But the moment Robert and Esther stepped through the front door, their eyes were only for Claire. Esther asked if she could hold Claire and Castiel nodded, putting Claire in her arms. Esther started crying when Claire’s hand grabbed her finger.

“She looks just like Amelia,” Esther said.

“So beautiful,” Robert said, looking over Esther’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Castiel,” Esther said, and Castiel hadn’t expected that, which was odd because everyone kept saying sorry to him lately.

“I’m sorry, too,” Castiel said.

“Dean told us what happened,” Robert said.

“It was unexpected,” Castiel said.

Robert gave Castiel a hug that was also unexpected. “I know how much you loved my daughter, Castiel. I know this can’t be easy on you. But we’re here now. You’re not alone, son.”

Castiel bit his lip to keep himself from crying. But the tears were so ready to spill. God, lately he was always on the verge of tears. Castiel hugged Robert back. He had received nothing but support from everyone around him, but he still didn’t feel like he deserved it.

Esther gave Claire to Robert and then she took Castiel in her arms, too. “I’m sure Amelia is looking down at us now, Castiel. She left you with Claire. You must take good care of her. I have no doubt that you will. You’re a good man, Castiel. You always have been.”

“Thank you, Esther,” Castiel said, wanting to believe her words.

While Robert and Esther got settled in the guest room, Claire finally went to sleep, and Castiel stepped into the backyard, needing some air. Dandy went with him, and he felt guilty seeing her because he hadn’t fed her in two days. 

Dean stepped out, closing the glass door behind him. “Hey.”

“Have you fed Dandy lately?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah, of course. I told you I had everything covered.” Dean bent to pet Dandy behind her ear. “I wouldn’t forget this girl.”

“Thank you,” Castiel said. He could picture Amelia’s easel a few feet from where he was standing and her high stool where she sat to create her art. Nothing would be the same without her.

“I called Anna,” Dean said.

Castiel froze. He didn’t want to get his hopes up that Anna would leave her busy doctor life to visit him, so he wasn’t prepared to hear what Dean had to say. 

“She was really sorry to hear about what happened,” Dean continued. “She’s flying down tonight.”

“What?” Castiel turned to Dean. “She’s coming?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, furrowing his eyebrows. “You’re her brother, Cas. She told me she was sorry she never knew you were going to be a dad, but she understood. I told her she could stay in my house since your in-laws are in your guest room.”

“Dean, you don’t—”

“I know I don’t have to do that,” Dean said. “I don’t do things I don’t wanna do, Cas.”

Castiel sighed. “You’re too good to me.”

“You were there for me when I lost my son,” Dean said. “We can call it even.”

Castiel rubbed his face with his hands, groaning. “I’m not sure I’m prepared to see my sister. It’s been over two years since I last saw her at my wedding.”

“Well, maybe this is your chance to catch up and, I don’t know, be siblings.”

“Not everyone is like you and Sam.” Castiel wished he had a better relationship with his older sister, but they were just too different.

“Maybe not, but it’s never too late to fix a relationship, especially when it comes to family.”

“We’ll see.”

Dean bumped his arm against Castiel’s. “You doing okay, Cas? You know you can talk to me about anything.”

Castiel nodded. “I know.”

“Let me know when all of this is too much and you just need to get out of here. Going for a drive usually works for me. And if you don’t wanna go alone, I’ll go with you.”

A drive with Dean sounded appealing. Castiel initially worried that it would feel more like he was running away from his problems, but it could simply be a chance to clear his head. If it worked for Dean, it could also work for Castiel.

Castiel offered Dean a tiny smile. “That’d be nice.”

  
  
  


**Dean**

As soon as Dean saw Anna, he wondered how she and Castiel could be related. Anna had bright red hair, hazel eyes, and a striking confidence about her. The only physical feature she had resembling Castiel was her long, pointed nose. 

Anna took Dean in her arms like they were old friends. “Dean, it’s so good to meet you,” she said, holding him by the arms. “Thank you for calling me about Amelia. How is he, by the way? Is he handling it well?”

“You’ll have to see for yourself,” Dean said, unable to come up with anything better. In some aspects, Castiel was handling Amelia’s death better than Dean had expected. But it was obvious that Castiel didn’t want to be left alone. It was why he’d made Sam and Jess stick around the entire day. 

While Dean drove Anna back from the airport, Anna went on to tell Dean about her estranged relationship with Castiel, which had happened when Castiel had left home at eighteen. Apparently when they’d been younger, Anna and Castiel had been very close. But then Anna went on to be a doctor and Castiel went on to be an author, and they just fell apart. Also, Anna was still in touch with their father and Castiel disapproved of their contact. Then there was the entire issue with their mother, whom Anna seemed to be fairly close to, and wished she could have attended the funeral. Anna claimed she’d called her up, but she’d had something she couldn’t get out of. That sounded like a load of bullcrap. What kind of mother chose anything else over being with her son at his wife’s funeral? Either way, it was probably easier for Castiel’s mother not to show up since Castiel had refused for Dean to call her.

Once they made it home, Dean showed Anna to her room, which was his bedroom because he didn’t have a bed in his guest room yet. Not that Dean ever used his bedroom anymore. He either slept on his couch or Castiel’s couch. Dean couldn’t remember what sleeping on a bed felt like anymore. 

“This is a lovely house,” Anna said, walking into the kitchen where Dean was filling up two glasses with cold water. She took the one he offered her and drank. “Do you live alone?”

Dean sipped his water. “I do. But I’ve been staying with Cas since yesterday. I don’t want to leave him alone. I just come here to change and shower. So you’ll have the house to yourself. There’s no food in the fridge because all the food I bought is in Cas’s fridge. Come over in the morning for breakfast. The funeral isn’t for another day.”

Since it was nearly midnight, Anna decided to see Castiel and Claire until the next morning since they were both probably already in bed. 

“You’re so sweet, Dean,” Anna said, stepping closer. She put a hand on his arm, letting it slide down slowly. Either Dean was really tired, or she was flirting with him. Whoa. That was...interesting. 

Dean chuckled and he felt his cheeks warm up. Was he blushing? What the hell was wrong with him? It was like a girl hadn’t touched him in—oh yeah, that was it. Dean cleared his throat. “Well, I’ll let you get settled. You have my number and you know where I’ll be if you need anything.”

Anna smiled and yeah, she was a really attractive woman who seemed into him, but she was also Castiel’s sister. Dean was sure there was a line there he couldn’t—or shouldn’t—cross. “I will let you know if I need you.”

“Alright.” Dean said, clearing his throat again. “Good night, Anna.”

“Good night, Dean.” Anna’s voice was soft and quiet when she spoke again.

Dean took a deep breath as soon as he stepped out onto his front porch. _Don’t you get any funny ideas, Winchester._

Fortunately, Dean didn’t have to look Castiel in the eye when he went back to his house. Sam and Jess were gone, and Claire was asleep in her crib. Castiel’s bedroom door was left ajar, and Dean could hear his soft snores, so he knew he was asleep. The guest room looked dark, so he figured Robert and Esther were also asleep. Dean changed into his pajamas in the bathroom and went to bed on the couch.

Dean woke up twice during the night to Claire’s mighty crying. Castiel got out of bed the first time, but Dean decided they should take turns whenever Claire was up in the night. Sleepily, Castiel agreed with this plan. So, Castiel changed Claire’s diaper the first time she woke up, and when she woke up hungry at 4 am, Dean let Castiel sleep through it while he gave her the bottle. This system worked a lot better for both of them.

In the morning, Dean got up a few hours after the last time he’d gone to sleep, going home to shower and change before he got started on breakfast. But when he came out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around his waist, Anna was in the hallway, wanting a turn in the bathroom. And Anna definitely ogled him when she saw him dripping wet.

Dean hadn’t felt wanted by anyone in a very long time. Despite knowing it couldn’t lead anywhere, it was nice knowing someone was looking at him like that, like he was desirable. During any other time, he’d be against being objectified, but not right now. “Hey.”

“Good morning, Dean,” Anna said, smiling. “I didn’t hear you come in this morning, but I figured it was you and not an intruder in the shower.”

“Yeah, I needed a shower to wake me up. I was up with Claire for an hour so it’s a miracle I woke up this early.”

Anna chuckled. “Well, after seeing you, I’m very awake, too.”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “There’s a second bathroom, actually. It’s down the hall. There’s no shower in it, though.”

“Oh, thanks for letting me know. But since I’m already here.” Anna brushed past Dean, blatantly touching the upper part of his chest and bicep as she went.

If there was one thing Anna was, it was not subtle.

Dean sighed deeply, rubbing a hand over his face as he heard the door of the bathroom shut. This would be a long day.

After getting dressed, Dean went back to Castiel’s house to start on breakfast. But when he arrived, Esther was in the kitchen making French toast and frying bacon. The kitchen had never smelled better. There was something so satisfying about eating food that he didn’t prepare himself.

“Esther, you’re making breakfast?” Dean asked. “I was about to do that. You didn’t have to bother.”

“Oh, it’s no bother,” Esther said. “Castiel told me how much you’ve done for him. If I can help out by making breakfast, it’s my pleasure.”

Dean couldn’t argue with that. “Well, it smells delicious.”

The doorbell rang and Dean went to answer. It was Anna. Dean greeted her before leading her into the living room.

“I think Cas is in the bathroom,” Dean said. “I’ll go see if Claire’s up.”

“I’ll wait here,” Anna said, sitting on the couch. 

Dandy walked up to Dean and Dean remembered he still had to feed her.

“Hey, girl,” Dean said to Dandy. “I’m sorry I forgot to fill your bowl this morning. I was so tired. Let me do that now.”

“Do you want me to do it?” Anna asked, standing back up. “I love dogs.”

“That would be great, if you don’t mind. Her food is under the kitchen sink and her bowl is right next to it.”

“I don’t mind,” Anna said, brushing Dean’s arm again as she walked past him.

Dean went to check on Claire, but she was still asleep. On his way back to the living room, he ran into Castiel in the hallway. He was freshly showered and dressed, too. But he still looked half asleep somehow. He must not be sleeping well. “You okay?”

Castiel shrugged. “Is Claire still asleep?”

“Yeah. And Anna’s here.”

Castiel rubbed his temples. “It’s too early to deal with my sister.”

“She seems nice.”

Castiel looked at him like Dean had betrayed him. “You don’t know her like I do.”

“I’m just saying.”

Anna walked back into the living room, stopping when she locked eyes with Castiel. She looked at him fondly, the same way Dean looked at Sam, like an older sibling looks at a younger sibling, protectively. Anna closed the distance between them, pulling Castiel into a hug. “Castiel, it’s been so long. I’ve missed you, kid.”

Castiel hugged her back awkwardly, almost like this was the first hug he’d ever given someone. Dean knew that wasn’t true. “Hello, Anna.”

Anna pulled away. “I’m sorry about your wife. I didn’t really know her, but I know you were crazy about her.”

“Yes,” Castiel said, looking at Dean for help. “Dean, did you, um, did you need me to go check on Claire?”

But Dean wouldn’t let him slip away so easily. “She’s fine. Still sleeping.”

Anna looked back at Dean, wrapping her hand around his wrist. “Castiel, you never told me you had such a lovely friend. Dean has been incredible to me.”

Dean smiled, trying very hard not to blush because this was not the time. “Oh, you know, just doing what I can do.”

“Don’t be so modest, Dean,” Anna said. “You’re amazing. Castiel is lucky to have you around.”

Castiel crossed his arms, looking from Dean to Anna. “Did you get settled in Dean’s home?”

“I did,” Anna said. “Dean was kind enough to offer me his bedroom. I can’t believe you’re making him sleep on your couch, Castiel. Dean, the bed is big enough for both of us.”

Dean widened his eyes, wanting to run away from this conversation. Anna flirting with him was fun until she did it in front of Castiel. Dean became flustered, tugging his wrist out of Anna’s grasp. “I don’t mind the couch. It’s actually comfortable.”

“I don’t buy that,” Anna said, narrowing her eyes at him. “But suit yourself. Just know the offer remains.”

Castiel was full on glaring now and Dean winced. This wasn’t good.

Thankfully, Dean was able to make his escape when Claire started crying. After changing Claire’s diaper, he took her back to the living room where Anna and Castiel were talking on the couch. Anna gasped when she saw Claire, wanting to hold her. Dean handed her over, sitting beside Anna as she cooed at Claire.

“Castiel, she’s perfect,” Anna said.

Dean smiled. “That’s what I said, too.”

Anna looked up at Castiel. “She has your eyes.”

“I said that, too,” Dean said.

Anna chuckled, glancing at Dean. “It’s like we’re one mind.”

Esther stepped into the room to let them know that breakfast was ready. Dean put Claire in her bassinet in the kitchen, so he could sit and eat with everyone. Claire didn’t put up a fuss about being left alone. She was always so calm.

Breakfast wasn’t as awkward as Dean had imagined, but that was mostly because Esther and Anna got along very well. Having just woken up, Robert joined them at the table a few minutes later. The only one not interacting with anyone was Castiel. He was quiet aside from answering a few questions from Esther. Castiel kept poking at his food instead of eating it and when he did eat it, he looked pained. Dean wished he knew what had gotten Castiel upset so early in the morning. He hoped it wasn’t seeing Anna again because Anna had been nothing but friendly since her arrival.

After they finished eating, Dean took Claire into the nursery to get her changed again and to make her a new bottle because she was most likely hungry by now. He didn’t notice that Castiel had followed him until he heard the door shut behind him.

Castiel came to stand beside Dean, silently handing Dean a new diaper and the wipes. 

“Thanks,” Dean said, getting started. Dean glanced at him, but Castiel was staring at Claire with a prominent frown. “What’s wrong?”

Castiel inhaled through his nose, facing Dean. “You were flirting with Anna.”

“Was I?” Dean asked, like an idiot. Of course Castiel had noticed something was up. “Okay, I was. I’m sorry. No one has flirted with me in a long time. I was kinda flattered. But I know she’s your sister, and I would never go there.”

Castiel held Dean’s gaze. “It would be too weird for me.”

“Yeah. Right. She’s off limits. Besides, I don’t think she’s really interested in me.”

“I don’t doubt that she’s interested in you, Dean. She was looking at you like she was ready to jump your bones.”

Was she? That was a weird way to put it. Dean shook his head, trying to shake off that particular image. “Well, anyway, nothing will ever happen between us, alright? I’d feel weird if you ever hit on Sam, too.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, and Dean knew that they were okay.

**Castiel**

Castiel gripped the handwritten piece of paper in his hands. It wasn’t the best thing he’d ever written, but it was the most important. Writing Amelia’s eulogy had been a rollercoaster of emotions. Reliving stories and memories he had of Amelia made him want to laugh and cry at the same time. But he knew that, as much as he tried, he hadn’t done her life justice. Amelia couldn’t be captured on paper. Amelia was much bigger than a piece of paper written by her husband. But Castiel had tried his best and he hoped it was enough.

Standing behind the podium felt strange. Castiel was never one to give speeches. This wasn’t exactly a speech, but it came close to one. There were so many people filling the rows of seats. People Castiel didn’t know. People who claimed to know Amelia because she made friends everywhere, with everyone. And it was because Amelia genuinely cared about everyone she met. She was never quick to judge; instead, she was quick to understand other perspectives.

“Hello,” Castiel said into the microphone, and he cringed at the sound of his gravelly voice on the speakers. He found Dean on the front row, holding Claire in his arms, and Castiel felt a little braver. “For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Castiel James Novak, Amelia Novak’s husband. If I had to describe Amelia with one word, it would be: caring. Amelia was the most caring individual I’ve ever met. We had only been dating for one week when we ran across this big golden retriever who was a stray. I remember clearly how she got down on her knees and took the dog in her arms. I was alarmed at first, thinking the dog might have rabies or other diseases. But Amelia didn’t care. She looked at me, and she said ‘Castiel, this is our dog now. And she needs our help, so we must help her.’ I remember thinking, ‘I’m going to marry this woman someday,’ right at that moment.”

Castiel smiled, seeing Amelia clearly in his head. “People tend to describe their significant others as this beaming ray of sunshine, or something similarly corny. But Amelia was a thunderstorm, electric and loud and powerful. Amelia was never boring. If she wasn’t cruising in her Bel Air, she was making art more beautiful than anything I’d ever seen. She liked to visit her friends at least once a week, and she’d always bring them food. Because, as I said before, Amelia was caring. She always took care of others. One time, she stayed up all night trying to find buyers for a huge chunk of her paintings because she was determined to raise money for a single mother who had been laid off. Amelia never took no for an answer. Anything she set her mind to, she achieved. It was hard to say no to such a fierce woman, after all.

“Amelia had a great sense of humor, too. I would often make her watch horror comedies with me. Although she was never much of a horror fan, she would watch these movies with me because she knew how much I enjoyed her company and hilarious commentary. Amelia always had a smile for me, even when she was tired or sick or upset. As soon as she saw me, she gave me one of her perfect smiles. She handed out her smiles to everyone. And I know the power her smiles carried. They could make a dull day a much better one.” This next part was where Castiel worried he’d lose his cool, but he met Dean’s gaze again and was able to power through. 

“On November 4th, Amelia went into labor,” Castiel continued. “I was in my office writing when she calmly informed me that she needed me to drive her to the hospital because Claire was on her way. My hands were shaking so badly that I couldn’t start my truck. Amelia comforted me as her water broke. I was amazed at how strong my wife was. That day, and every day. Her last smile was for Claire, our daughter. It’s the way I plan on remembering Amelia, smiling, caring for our daughter despite the dire situation she was in. Because Amelia Novak was a fighter, until her very last breath.” Castiel swallowed. “Thank you.”

Castiel walked back to his seat beside Dean, who was wiping his cheeks. Castiel took Claire from Dean and handed him a box of tissues on the seat next to him. Dean took them and wiped his face. Castiel held Dean’s hand for a few seconds, giving it a squeeze before letting go. Dean looked at him, his eyes welling up with tears again. 

After the viewing, Amelia was buried. Funerals were bleak and tedious affairs. People said they were to honor the dead, but the dead weren't around to be honored. However, Castiel knew that this was something that had to be done. A tradition that couldn’t be broken. Castiel would carry Amelia in his heart and his head for the rest of his life. But he’d most likely forget this funeral in a few weeks.

Although it felt eternal, the funeral eventually ended. Castiel lost track of all the people who had come up to him to offer their condolences and give him a hug. Even when Castiel made it home, people kept showing up to bring him home-cooked meals. At least now Dean didn’t have to worry about cooking for days. Castiel knew that Dean couldn’t stick around forever, helping him with Claire and taking care of everything around the house. But Castiel was a selfish person, and the thought of not having Dean at his house was gnawing at him. Castiel knew he shouldn’t abuse Dean's kindness, but he just wasn’t ready to see him go. 

Was it so wrong wanting Dean to stay forever? 

And then there was Anna. She hadn’t gone back to Dean’s house after the funeral. She was lingering around Dean at all times, like she couldn’t stay away from him. Castiel knew that Anna wanted nothing more than to get Dean in bed with her. But the mere thought of Anna and Dean together made Castiel feel sick. There were so many things wrong with that scenario. And sure, Dean was an adult and he could make his own decision, especially when it came to dating. But Castiel didn’t want to have to deal with that situation on top of everything else currently going on in his life. 

Esther and Robert had gone to bed, and Claire had fallen asleep after her bottle, so Castiel had laid her down in her crib before going back to the living room. Anna and Dean were sitting close together on the couch, watching some ghost encounter show on television. Castiel sat on Dean’s other side, narrowing his eyes at Anna, whose leg was touching Dean’s leg. Anna had always been the kind to go for what she wanted, and she wanted Dean. 

“What are we watching?” Castiel asked.

“Some show,” Dean mumbled. “I don’t really know.”

“It’s one of those fake ghost shows,” Anna said, smiling over at Castiel. “Remember how we used to make fun of them back in the day?”

Castiel had a faint memory of that. Sure, Anna had been the brightest part of growing up in a house too big for his family, but he’d spent a long time harboring resentment towards her that it was difficult to see past it now. “Is there nothing else on TV?”

Dean turned to him. “What do you wanna watch?”

Castiel shrugged. “I don’t know. I just don’t want to think about the ghosts of dead people at the moment.”

Immediately, Dean flipped the channel to the Food Network, where Rachel Ray was making burritos. 

Anna yawned, stretching her arm behind the couch. Dear God, his sister was annoying. Alright, so maybe Anna wasn’t the worst, but right now, she was seriously bothering Castiel. “I’m getting really tired. Maybe I should go to bed.”

“Maybe you should,” Castiel said.

“Dean, do you think you could walk me home?” Anna asked.

Dean cleared his throat, looking at Anna. “Yeah, of course. I need to grab some clean clothes to sleep in tonight, anyway.”

“Are you sure you don’t want your bed back?” Anna asked. “I could sleep on the couch.”

Anna was absolutely relentless, but Castiel felt immediately guilty for keeping Dean away from his bed. It wasn’t right for Dean to sleep on the couch. Castiel should have offered Dean his own bed. 

“Nah, I’m good on the couch,” Dean said, standing up. “Let’s get you home, Anna.”

Anna grabbed one of Dean’s hands and hauled herself to her feet before turning to Castiel. “Good night, Castiel. If you need anything, I’ll be right next door.”

“Thanks, Anna,” Castiel said. Truth be told, Anna has been nothing but nice since she’d arrived. Castiel was glad that Dean had invited her. The only issue with Anna being around was her blatant attraction to Dean.

Anna tugged on Dean’s hand and they walked out the door together.

Castiel closed his eyes and threw his head back on the couch. If Anna and Dean _did_ get together, how would their relationship work with them living in two separate states? But already, Castiel knew the answer. Anna would ask Dean to move with her and since Dean had no one tying him here anymore, he would gladly accept. And then Castiel would be left completely alone with Claire in this house that was too big for just the two of them. And Dean would eventually marry Anna and have one, two, three, four, five kids with her, and Castiel would never see Dean again except for maybe once every two years, if he was lucky. They were probably back in Dean’s house already having sex on Dean’s bed, planning the rest of their lives together right now.

“Hey.”

Castiel was brought back to the present by the familiar sound of Dean’s voice. Castiel opened his eyes to find Dean standing in front of him. “Hi.”

Dean sat down beside Castiel, facing him with a small smile. “Since there’s no secrets between us, you should know that I just shot down your sister.”

“Did she try to seduce you?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“I was afraid of that.” Castiel hesitated. “Dean, I know I can’t ask you not to date my sister. That wasn’t fair of me. You should make your own decisions, regardless of how I feel about them.”

Dean pushed his shoulder against Castiel’s. “You’re my best friend, Cas. I would never do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

Castiel held Dean’s gaze. “I just...I don’t want you to move to Seattle and have five kids with my sister.”

Dean burst into laughter so loud Castiel covered his mouth with his hand. There were tears in Dean’s eyes, but for the first time that day, they weren’t from sadness. When his laughter died down, Castiel removed his hand, shushing Dean. Dean licked his lips, chewing off a grin. “Wow, you really let your imagination run wild, don’t you?”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “What, am I that far from reality?”

“Hell yeah, you are,” Dean said, rolling his eyes. “How many times am I gonna have to tell you that I’m not going anywhere for you to believe me? I’m already home, Cas. Besides, who wants to live in Seattle?”

Castiel leaned his head against Dean’s, looking at the television where Rachel Ray was chopping tomatoes. “I just don’t want anything to change more than it already has.”

“Nothing's gonna change,” Dean promised. “I’m here. I _want_ to be here. I wanna take care of you and Claire. I finally feel useful again. I feel like I’m back on the right path.”

“I’m really happy to hear that.”

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulders, pulling him closer. “We work well together, don’t we? I mean, we can take care of each other and Claire. Maybe we’re not so lost anymore.”

“Maybe not.”

Esther and Robert had been going through Amelia’s belongings for a couple of hours. Castiel had given them permission to take home anything they wanted. However, Castiel didn’t want anything to do with the searching process. He wasn’t ready to revisit the too fresh memories attached to all of Amelia’s things. Fortunately, Castiel had managed to stay away from it all until Esther stepped out of the hall closet with a small box in her hands..

Castiel was sitting on the couch in the living room while Dean laid Claire in her crib. He’d been mindlessly flipping through the channels on the television just for something to do. But as soon as his eyes landed on the box, he had the urge to run in the other direction. 

“Look what I found, Castiel,” Esther said, kneeling in front of the television and setting the box down next to her. “These are the DVDs I sent my Amelia when I transferred all our old home videos into discs. We have to see them. I know there’s one here with Amelia in her ballet class and another of her acting out her favorite Star Wars scene. I haven’t seen these in ages.” Esther turned the DVD on and called out to Robert to join her.

Castiel was out of his seat right then, ready to bolt as soon as he found the keys to his truck. Where the hell were his keys? Dean had been the one driving it lately. But Dean was in the nursery trying to get Claire to sleep. He couldn’t just barge in there demanding his keys, could he? Claire’s sleep would be interrupted.

Esther caught his eye and she frowned. “Castiel, sweetheart, aren’t you going to sit down to see these home movies with us?”

“Uh, no, sorry, Esther, but I have somewhere to be—somewhere to go.” Castiel searched his pants pockets, wishing the keys would just materialize there.

Robert appeared, holding one of Amelia’s clay pieces. It was of a sugar skull and it was full of bright colors. She’d always loved calaveras from the Day of the Dead. God, Castiel was not prepared to relive any of these memories right now. 

Not yet. Not here. Not now.

“Hey, Cas, you okay?” Dean asked.

Castiel swallowed, trying to stop fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “Where are my car keys? I need my truck. I need to go somewhere.”

Dean dug the keys out of his pocket and then handed them to Castiel, his eyes wary. “Want me to go with you?”

“Yes.” Castiel swallowed again because there was a knot in his throat that wouldn’t dissolve. “Esther, Robert, Dean and I will be right back. Could you please keep an eye on Claire while we’re gone?”

Smiling, Esther nodded. “Sure thing, sweetheart.” Then she turned to Robert. “Honey, can you get the lights? There’s a glare getting in the way.”

Castiel practically ran out the front door. He didn’t even bother to check if Dean was following behind. Once he was safely in his truck, he let out a long breath, leaning his forehead against the steering wheel and clenching his hands around it.

“Hey, hey,” Dean said, a soothing hand on Castiel’s back. “Breathe. In and out. Just like me.” And then he made a point of taking deep breaths. 

Castiel followed Dean’s breathing until he felt the knot in his throat vanish. He wanted to scream out his frustration, but he was still in his driveway and he didn’t want his in-laws to hear him. Or for Claire to be woken up by the sound. 

So he started the engine, pulled out of the driveway, and drove.

They were about ten minutes into the drive with only the soft music from the radio filling the silence when Dean spoke.

“Where are we going?”

“I don’t know,” Castiel said, clenching his hands again. “I just needed to get out of there.”

“Too many memories.” It wasn’t a question. Dean knew what Castiel was running from.

“Too many,” Castiel agreed.

Castiel wasn’t sure how long he’d been driving, but they were now on an empty, dark, dirt road. It felt far enough, so he pulled off to the side and parked. Castiel turned off the radio and they sat in complete silence for a few minutes. His hands were still clenched firmly on the steering wheel. It had become his anchor and he was afraid to let go.

Castiel wasn’t sure when he started crying, but the tears filled up his eyes and then there was nowhere else for them to go than down his cheeks. He was crying out of frustration more than anything. He wanted so desperately to be strong. He couldn’t break down over Amelia’s death because he had Claire now. Claire needed a father who was put together, not someone broken. Castiel didn’t have the luxury of falling into depression or letting himself go because Claire needed him now more than ever, so he had to be a good dad. 

Running out of his own house and leaving Claire behind simply because his in-laws were going through Amelia’s things and wanting to watch home movies was pathetic. Castiel couldn’t do this type of stuff. Castiel had to keep it together. He couldn’t fall apart this easily.

“Cas,” Dean whispered, but it sounded loud in their long silence.

“I’m alright.” Castiel wiped his cheeks, finally letting go of the steering wheel. “I’m going to be alright.”

“It’s only been a few days. You don’t have to be alright. Hell, even ten years from now, you don’t have to be alright about Amelia’s death. You’re allowed to hurt.”

“I’m not.” Castiel pursed his lips, hating the hot tears still falling, betraying him.

“Of course you are.” Dean shifted closer and his hand returned on Castiel’s back. It was enough to let Castiel know that he was there, physically present. “You’re allowed to feel pain. You’re allowed to be upset and cry your heart out.”

“I don’t want to cry anymore,” Castiel said as he continued crying. “I want to scream.”

Dean’s hand moved to the nape of Castiel’s neck, his fingers threading through the soft hairs there. “Scream. Scream as loud and hard as you want. I’m the only one around. No one else will hear you.”

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. “I have to keep it together for Claire.”

“Cas, you’ve been so strong lately. You’ve been Super Dad for crying out loud. I don’t know where you found the strength to get out of bed since that first day back home. I’m fucking proud of you, man. But you’re not made of steel. You get to feel the loss of your wife. And if you wanna scream, you should scream. I’ll scream with you.”

Castiel turned to look at Dean, his wet lashes blinking. “You will?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, why not? Screaming can be therapeutic.”

“Did Jody tell you that?”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, she said it’s a good way to release tension.”

Castiel sighed. “Okay. We’ll scream together so I don’t feel insane.”

“That’s the spirit.” Dean withdrew his hand and cleared his throat. “On the count of three, we’re gonna scream real loud, you hear me?”

Castiel nodded. He closed his eyes. Maybe it would be easier if he didn’t have to see it.

“One,” Dean started. “Two.”

Castiel’s heart was racing.

“Three,” Dean said, followed quickly by the loudest scream Castiel had ever heard. It was a jarring sound on such a quiet night.

Castiel screamed on Dean’s second try, feeling his lungs expanding and deflating as he yelled without anything holding him back anymore. And it felt fantastic. Screaming his frustrations into the night helped him relieve a lot of built up tension. It was freeing in so many ways. 

In this moment, Castiel felt like he and Dean were the only people in the world and they were allowed to yell and shout nonsense together without anyone ever judging them. 

And when it was over, Castiel smiled at Dean and Dean smiled back at him. This was something that would stay between them. It was a small secret between two shouting friends.

“Better?” Dean asked.

Castiel took a deep breath. “Better.”

A week had passed since the funeral and all of Castiel’s out of town guests were gone. The house was much quieter now with only Dean and Claire around. But Castiel didn’t feel as alone in it as he thought he would. Yes, he still expected to see Amelia every time he entered a room, but the resignation that that wouldn’t happen had finally set in.

Dean and Castiel were at the dinner table, eating Dean’s famous BBQ ribs. Claire was in her bassinet, sucking on a pacifier. Castiel had gotten so used to Dean’s company, Dean’s food, Dean’s help with Claire, and most importantly, Dean keeping Castiel sane, that he’d decided to ask him to stay permanently. Well, Castiel wanted it to be permanent, but he knew that Dean had a say in the matter. He’d been anxious to bring up the offer in the first place because he didn’t want Dean to say no to him. 

But the extra key he’d made couldn’t stay in his front pocket forever. 

Castiel took a bite of the delicious potato salad, swallowed, and looked at Dean seriously. “Dean, why are you still sleeping on the couch?”

Dean, who had barbecue sauce all over his face, stopped chewing to wipe his face clean with a napkin. His wide green eyes stared back at Castiel, but they were suddenly filled with sadness. “I thought you wanted me to stay here. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed. I’ll get out of your hair.”

Castiel held Dean’s forearm before Dean could get up from the table. “You’re not going anywhere. I meant, why are you on the couch when there’s a perfectly good and empty guest room? Take that instead. Sleep on the bed. I don’t want you to keep sleeping on the couch.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “What if you have guests?”

“I rarely ever do. Take the room, Dean. Bring some of your clothes. The closet is empty. You should have enough space.”

Dean hesitated. “Are you sure?”

“Very sure.” Castiel dug out the key from his pocket, sliding it towards Dean. “Stop using the spare key outside. This is your house, too.”

Dean stared at the key for a long time before he finally picked it up and put it in his own pocket. Then Dean met Castiel’s gaze. “If you ever get tired of me, you have to let me know so I can go back to my own place and stop bothering you, alright?”

That was the most idiotic thing Castiel had ever heard. “Finish your food, Dean.”

“I’m serious.” Dean clenched his jaw, hesitating. It took him a few seconds to get out whatever he had to say. “You like me now, but look at Lisa. She got so sick of me after a while. I don’t want that to happen with you, too.”

Castiel took a deep breath. “Your logic doesn’t apply to our situation, Dean. First of all, I will never get sick of you. Second, I am not Lisa, nor will I ever be Lisa. And third, if you ever compare me to that woman again, I will kick your ass, Winchester.”

That seemed to have done the trick because Dean was grinning. “Okay, you’re right. I shouldn’t compare you to her. This is a lot different. I’m sorry.”

“You have to trust me when I tell you that I want you here, in my house. It’s not that I _can’t_ do this without you, Dean. It’s that I don’t _want_ to.”

Dean nodded. “Good. I don’t want you to do it without me either.”

Castiel smiled. “Glad we’re on the same page then.”

“It’s your turn to get Claire in bed tonight,” Dean said, picking up another rib and getting barbecue sauce all over his face again.

“I’m aware. And it’s your turn to give her a bath after dinner.”

“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. I probably shouldn’t have made ribs. It’s gonna take me forever to get my hands clean.”

Castiel smiled softly. “I’ll trade you the bath if you get her in bed tonight.”

“Done. I need to go home and shower first so it works out.”

“Shower here,” Castiel said easily.

“I guess I should. I kind of live here now.”

Castiel liked the sound of that. “You do. I have two bathrooms. One of them can be yours.”

Dean widened his eyes, grinning. “Seriously?”

“Yes, Dean. Bring all your crap and put it in the other bathroom.”

Dean placed a hand over Castiel’s on the table. “A man after my heart.”

Castiel laughed. “All it takes is a bathroom? You’re so easy.”

“Shut up.” 

**Dean**

Thanksgiving came suddenly this year. That was probably because Dean had been so busy with Claire that every day went by in a blur of dirty diapers and baby formula and puke. Dean and Castiel had found a routine that worked for them. When Dean went back to work, Castiel spent the day with Claire, but after work, Dean was in charge of Claire while Castiel worked on the revisions of his book. They still took turns getting up when Claire woke up in the middle of the night.

Dean had already moved into Castiel’s guest room. The closet was full of his clothes, and so was the bathroom. His two plants were in the living room. Castiel had found them a small table by a window where they could get enough sun. Dean was proud of himself for keeping them alive. The only reason Dean ever went back to his house was to work on his Impala, which was currently immobile and stored in his garage. There was a lot of work to do when it came to his car, so Dean was taking it one day at a time.

Their plans for Thanksgiving were to bring the stuffing and sweet corn to Bobby’s. Sam and Jess were going, and so was Ellen and her daughter, Jo, whom Dean had only met a few times before. Castiel was the last one to agree to go. 

“I wouldn’t be good company,” Castiel had said.

“Buddy, you’re not going so you can entertain us,” Dean had replied. “You’re going so you can be around family on a family holiday.”

It had taken some convincing because Castiel wasn’t in the mood to celebrate any holiday so close after Amelia’s death. Although apparently he’d never been into the holiday at all. Dean didn’t like the history behind the holiday either, but he sure loved food. Also, Dean completely understood Castiel’s hesitancy to celebrate not even a month after Amelia’s passing, but he wasn’t going to leave Castiel home alone while he spent the day with the rest of his family. In the end, Dean’s incessant pestering got Castiel to give in and join them. 

Dean had found Claire a cute red dress to wear with matching red shoes that made her look like a little princess. Dean picked her up, barging into Castiel’s bedroom while he was buttoning up his blue shirt. “Cas, Cas, look at her!”

“Dean, I could have been naked in here,” Castiel said.

“Look how cute she looks in her new outfit. Take a picture. Come on.”

Castiel grabbed his phone from his nightstand, ordering Dean to move closer to the window to get the natural light. Then he snapped a few pictures. “You have to smile, Dean.”

“Don’t take pictures of me. Just Claire.”

“It’s impossible to not get you in the pictures, too. Just smile.”

Dean smiled, but he turned his face to Claire because she needed the spotlight. Then he kissed the top of her head. 

“Beautiful,” Castiel said, taking another picture. “Now leave and let me finish getting ready.”

“Why are you wearing a tie? It’s Thanksgiving. And why are you wearing slacks? How will your stomach stretch in those pants?”

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows, tying his tie. “I thought this was a dressing up occasion.”

“No, dude. It’s Thanksgiving. It’s just an excuse to pig out.” Dean motioned to his own clothes. “I’m wearing jeans that are two sizes bigger and a black t-shirt so you can’t see any stains. Keep it casual.”

“I’m already dressed. I’ll just wear this.”

Dean walked closer, running his hand through Castiel’s hair to mess it up slightly. He’d chosen this day to finally brush his hair, and it was completely unnecessary. “Don’t wear the jacket.”

“It’s cold out.”

“So wear a coat.”

“Why are there so many rules?”

“Because I said so.”

Castiel squinted. “You’re a pain in my ass.”

Dean turned and walked to the living room with Castiel following behind. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t forget Claire’s diaper bag. I packed a change of clothes in case she gets tired of the dress. Or in case she spits up on it, which is more likely to happen.”

Castiel picked up the bag from the coffee table. “Did you refill Dandy’s water bowl?” 

“Of course.”

Dandy was sitting on the couch, wagging her tail. 

“We’ll be right back, girl,” Dean said to her.

“Let’s go,” Castiel said, grabbing his keys by the door.

They made it to Bobby’s right on time. Sam and Jess pulled into the driveway a few seconds after they did, and they were all over Claire when they saw her in her red dress. 

“I picked it out myself,” Dean said, proudly.

“She looks amazing,” Jess said. “So fashionable.”

“How come you didn’t dress up, Dean?” Sam asked, eyebrows raised.

“These are my eating clothes,” Dean said. Wasn’t it obvious?

Castiel turned to Sam. “He criticized my outfit for being too formal.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Of course he did.” He lifted the glass dish he was carrying. “I gotta get these scalloped potatoes inside.”

Castiel had the diaper bag over his shoulder and the stuffing and corn in his hands. “I got this, Dean, don’t worry.”

Dean made a face. “I’m carrying precious cargo here.” Dean motioned the car seat in his hand. Claire was awake, sucking on a pacifier.

“You could at least carry the diaper bag,” Castiel said, walking beside Dean to the front door.

“Don’t be such a whiner.”

“Everything okay, guys?” Jess asked.

“Cas likes to argue for no reason,” Dean said.

“I do not,” Castiel said, proving Dean’s point.

Dean gave Jess a look and a smile. 

Bobby held the door open for everyone, ushering them inside. The house was a welcoming warm as opposed to the chilliness from outside, and it smelled exactly like Thanksgiving. 

Dean went straight to the living room where he greeted Ellen and Jo, who were instantly fawning over how cute Claire looked in her dress. It was so easy for Claire to steal the spotlight in any room she entered. Everyone always got hooked on Claire’s big blue eyes. 

When Dean got a whiff of the familiar smell, he pulled Claire out of the car seat and took her into Bobby’s room to change her. Claire smiled up at him after she spat the pacifier out of her mouth. “Hi, baby girl. This is your first Thanksgiving, isn’t it? Too bad you can’t eat any solid foods yet.”

“Dean, do you need any help?”

Dean looked over his shoulder at Jo, who had just stepped into the room. Jo looked a lot like Ellen, except she had long, blonde hair and was a lot less intimidating. “Hey, Jo. I got it covered, but thanks.”

Jo stood in front of Claire, holding one of her hands. “She’s adorable.”

“Isn’t she?”

“I’ve always wanted one of these.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Jo smiled. “To tell you the truth, I’m considering freezing my eggs at this point.”

“What? Come on. You’re a total catch, Jo.”

Jo snorted. “Yeah, right. Every guy I date is secretly in love with someone else. It never works out in my favor.” She laughed. “Sorry. I probably shouldn’t cry to you about my sad love life.”

Dean was glad Jo trusted him enough to be honest. “Don’t be sorry. We’re friends, right?”

“I’d love to be your friend.” Jo looked at Claire. “And I’d love to be your friend, too, cutie.” Jo looked back at Dean. “So, what’s the deal with you and Cas? I don’t really know the story. My mom and Bobby don’t like to gossip.”

Dean tried to picture Bobby and Ellen gossiping. Yeah, that was just as likely to happen as an alien invasion. Well, less likely, actually. “Cas is my neighbor and best friend. Amelia, his wife, was also my best friend. And when she passed away, I stuck around to help out. That’s it.”

“Oh, okay,” Jo said. “That makes sense. I thought maybe you two were Claire’s dads. You know, like her _dads_.”

Dean widened his eyes, understanding. “Oh, no. Not at all. Cas and I are just friends.” 

That was such a bizarre assumption to make. Dean and Castiel? No. No way. Well, not that Castiel wasn’t attractive. Castiel was handsome, but Dean had always known that. And yeah, Castiel’s smiles could brighten Dean’s days and it was impossible to picture his life without him anymore. But Castiel was straight, and very recently widowed. Not to mention that Amelia had been Dean’s close friend, too. Dean just couldn’t cross that line. No, he _shouldn’t_ cross it. Castiel was practically forbidden. Dean shouldn’t even be considering that, no matter how appealing it sounded. Why did Jo have to put that image in his head?

“Oh, my bad,” Jo said. “I didn’t mean to make things awkward. I just thought—never mind. Forget I said anything.”

“It’s forgotten,” Dean said, picking Claire up. “Let’s go see if dinner’s ready ‘cause I’m starving.”

Everyone gathered around Bobby’s long rectangular table to eat. Dinner was filled with chatter and laughter, the same way Dean remembered growing up. It was nice being around family again without the looming presence of loss or death. On top of that, the food was amazing. Bobby marinated the turkey himself, and it was tender and delicious. Sam’s scalloped potatoes rocked his world. And Ellen’s mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce sent Dean momentarily to heaven. Alright, so Dean was a bit dramatic when it came to food. Thanksgiving had always been Dean’s favorite holiday for that reason. 

After dinner, Ellen surprised them all with cherry and pecan pies, and Dean had to have a piece from each one. And even once he finished with his two pieces, he stole Castiel’s leftovers. Castiel never minded when Dean stole food from his plate, so Dean did it all the time now. Except, Jo was staring at Dean when he did that and Dean felt slightly self-conscious. There was nothing wrong with taking your friend’s leftovers, right? Great, now Dean was feeling weird about the way he acted around Castiel. 

“You okay?” Castiel asked, narrowing his eyes at Dean.

“Yeah, all good.” Dean ate the remains of the pecan pie slowly, rethinking all the ways in which he was maybe _too close_ with Castiel. These things were bound to happen when two people lived together, didn’t they? Dean had always felt comfortable around Castiel. They weren’t only close friends, they were family. And they were raising a baby together. The closeness was a natural part of that. It didn’t mean anything. 

After Dean finished his pie, he started feeling a little sick. He’d overeaten, just like every year. 

“Dean, you got something on your face,” Castiel said, reaching with a napkin in hand to wipe it away. 

Suddenly, Dean reacted by pushing Castiel’s hand away and then wiping his face with his own napkin. Dean tried to smile so Castiel wouldn’t think anything was wrong, but Castiel had his eyes glued on him.

“What?” Dean asked, trying to sound clueless.

Castiel tilted his head. “What?”

“Stop being weird.”

Castiel leaned close to whisper, “ _I’m_ being weird?”

“Yeah, dude stop staring at me,” Dean whispered back.

Later, when they moved to the couch, Castiel put an arm around Dean’s shoulders.

Dean immediately turned to Jo, who was smiling at them in a way that screamed _You’re a couple, don’t deny it_ so Dean got up, rushing to the bathroom. Once inside, Dean stared in front of the sink, staring at his reflection. His cheeks were red and felt burning hot. He splashed some water on his face and tried to pull himself together.

Dean couldn’t possibly be considering being with Castiel. That wasn’t part of the plan. He’d offered to help Castiel with Claire and he’d accepted to move in together, but Castiel didn’t want anything more from Dean. Castiel was still grieving Amelia, he was straight, and he would hate the thought of Dean getting all flustered about the mere idea of being with him. 

But their closeness was great. Dean didn’t want to go without it. It was strictly platonic. So maybe it shouldn’t matter so much. Maybe Jo’s assumption had put wild ideas in Dean’s head, and Dean didn’t actually want to be with Castiel in more than friendly ways. Yeah, that was it. Dean was overreacting. Castiel was his friend. Only his friend. And Dean was okay with that. No, Dean was more than okay with that. Dean loved that. Dean loved that Castiel was his friend and roommate and that he got to raise Claire with him. Dean didn’t need more than that.

Dean was so okay with all of that.

So Dean walked out of the bathroom and sat back down beside Castiel, determined to continue being okay with all of that. Unfortunately, Castiel’s arm didn’t return to its place around Dean’s shoulders. 

Dean turned to smile at Castiel, but he was listening intently to Sam go on about a case he was working on at the moment. Castiel’s face was serious and both of his hands were folded on his lap and they didn’t seem to be going anywhere else.

By the end of the night, Dean said goodbye to everyone, thanking Bobby for opening his house to them yet again.

“You’re always welcome here, son,” Bobby said, giving Dean a hug. “But remember to bring that baby with you.”

Dean smiled. “I can do that.”

Sam and Jess promised to come over to visit the following week, and Dean promised to cook them the lasagna they liked so much.

On the car ride back home, Castiel was quiet as he drove them home. That seriousness on his face from earlier remained, too. It was throwing Dean off, but then he realized that Castiel hadn’t even wanted to attend today’s gathering. He was probably still upset about Amelia, which was understandable. Dean wished he could do something to make it better, but Dean had never been great when it came to talking about feelings in general.

Dean broke the silence. “Did you like the food?”

“Yes,” Castiel said. “It was great.”

“Did you get indigestion?”

Castiel sighed. “No, Dean.”

Dean knew this wouldn’t be an easy conversation, but they needed to have it. “Look, man, I’m sorry that I dragged you here today. You’re not ready to be out here so soon after Amelia, and I should have just let you stay home like you wanted. I just thought it would help you being around family instead of all alone.”

“Dean, I’m not upset because I came to dinner with you,” Castiel said with a hint of annoyance in his voice. “I’m just confused by the way you behaved around me. You were acting like you were repulsed by me or something. Am I not allowed to touch you now?”

_What the hell?_ Castiel had it all wrong. Actually, Castiel’s theory was the polar opposite of the truth. Dean was afraid of how much he enjoyed Castiel’s closeness. He was terrified of wanting even more than that. The idea of Dean ever being repulsed by Castiel was laughable.

Dean groaned, shaking his head. He had to tell Castiel the truth. Or at least part of the truth. “Okay, this is gonna make you laugh because it’s so stupid. I was talking to Jo earlier and she thought you and I were Claire’s gay dads.”

Castiel didn’t laugh like Dean had been expecting, and he also didn’t speak for a few seconds. “So you were embarrassed that someone misinterpreted our friendship? Is that it?”

“No, I wasn’t embarrassed.” It was true. Dean wasn’t embarrassed. “I just didn’t want her to get the wrong idea about us. Looking back at it, it’s just so stupid.” _It’s even more stupid that I can’t stop thinking about how great it would be if I got to be with you._

“I don’t think it should matter what anyone thinks about our situation. You and I know what we are and that’s what counts.”

Dean looked at Castiel. “And what are we?”

“We are two friends who are raising a baby together,” Castiel said, easily.

Well, yeah, that summed them up perfectly. Just two _friends_. There it was. Castiel had drawn the line, even if he didn’t know it. They were just friends and Dean had to respect that. “Okay. So, you’re not freaking out about someone out there thinking you’re gay?”

“Being mistaken for gay isn’t insulting. Why would that freak me out?”

“That’s a pretty cool way of looking at it, Cas.”

Castiel took his eyes off the road to look at Dean momentarily. “I’m awesome, aren’t I?”

“Okay, don’t fish for compliments after I already gave you one. Fucking greedy.”

Castiel laughed.

Honestly, though, Castiel never failed to surprise Dean. And that _was_ awesome.

The weeks passed simultaneously fast and slow. Christmas was everywhere Dean went. Every time he stepped inside a store for emergency diaper runs, or to pick up an ingredient that Castiel was missing for dinner, or whenever they went grocery shopping with Claire on weekends, Christmas was all around them. As opposed to Thanksgiving, Castiel was on board with celebrating Christmas. So, he went out to pick up a real tree and put it in a corner of the living room. When Dean saw it, his first thought was: _Now I really won’t be able to get away from Christmas_ . _Christmas is being officially shoved down my throat, and not in the sexy way._

But Castiel had been so excited about the stupid tree that Dean couldn’t voice a single complaint about it. That same night, the three of them drove to Target to stock up on ornaments and other Christmas decorations, not only for the tree but for the entire house. Castiel had said that he didn’t want to look through all of his and Amelia’s old decorations stored in their garage, so they needed to buy everything new. They were at the store for hours.

When they got home, Claire was asleep so Dean put her in her crib and helped Castiel with the decorations. The two of them worked on filling up the tree with colorful ornaments and lights. Castiel had picked out an angel with wings that lit up with blue and red lights, which he placed on top of the tree. Castiel looked so happy that it made Dean happy. It had been a ridiculously long time since Dean had seen Castiel this way. Dean decided that he loved Christmas just for that. 

Once the tree was done, Dean snuck off to the kitchen and returned with two mugs of hot chocolate with mini marshmallows.

“Thank you,” Castiel said, smiling down at his cup.

Dean sipped his own cup. “The tree looks really good.”

“I know. We can put up the rest of the decorations tomorrow. I’m sure you’re tired.”

“I’m tired, but not sleepy yet. Wanna watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

They sat on the couch and watched _Krampus_ , which they knew was terrible, but it had become a guilty pleasure for both of them. After all, bad movies were sort of their thing.

“Hey, Cas, what do you want for Christmas?” Dean asked right after the chaotic Black Friday shopping scene at the beginning of the movie. Christmas was still twenty days away, but he had bought zero presents.

Castiel looked at him. “You don’t have to get me anything.”

“You know I will.”

“Well, then you’ll have to figure it out on your own.” With a cheeky smile, Castiel sipped his drink again.

“You suck.”

“If I were to ask you what you wanted me to get you for Christmas, would you tell me?”

Dean snorted. “Hell no.”

“See? How is it fair for me to make it so easy for you? Surprise me. I’m sure that whatever you get me will be great.”

“So you want me to work to try to figure out what you really want? That’s devious.”

Castiel wagged his eyebrows. “They don’t call me Castiel the Devious for nothing.”

“Alright, you’ve been watching way too much _What We Do in the Shadows_.”

Castiel laughed. “You’re probably right.”

Truthfully, the only thing Dean wanted was to see Ben again, but he knew it was pointless wishing for something impossible, so he kept that to himself. 

“We could host Christmas here this year,” Castiel said.

“What?”

“Yeah, we could host it together.”

Dean sat up straighter. “You sure? We usually go to Sam and Jess’s for Christmas.”

“I’d like to do it this year. Everyone has done so much for me. I want to give back in any small way possible.”

Dean grinned. “Alright, I’m down. I’ll let them know. I’m sure Sam and Jess will be on board. They always stress about getting all the food ready with their busy lives.”

“Well, we can take over. It’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, we got this.”

They clinked their hot chocolate and leaned closer into each other on the couch, watching the ridiculous Christmas horror movie they liked so much.

**Castiel**

Dandy was leading the way, walking a few feet in front of them. Despite the cool weather, Castiel had suggested going for a walk after breakfast. Dean had wrapped Claire up in a huge blanket and then draped another blanket over her stroller for good measure. Castiel was more worried she’d overheat now, although the temperature had dropped significantly overnight. 

Dean was holding Dandy’s leash while Castiel pushed the stroller. Walking on the sidewalk of their neighborhood had always been therapeutic for Castiel. Before, he’d only ever walked with Dandy, but it was nice getting to walk with Dean and Claire as well. Dandy was probably the most excited about this little outing since Castiel hadn’t taken her out for as many walks since Claire had been born. Castiel would remember to do this more often—with his entire family.

“We gotta pick up groceries today,” Dean said, looking over his shoulder at Castiel. Dandy liked to walk faster than Castiel felt comfortable pushing Claire’s stroller.

“I know. We’re out of milk.”

“We’re out of everything. I wanted to make a cake tomorrow.”

That sounded kind of great. “Chocolate?”

Dean smiled. “And peanut butter.”

“My favorite.”

“Exactly.”

Dean was always so thoughtful. As he had always felt about Amelia, Castiel would never understand how someone could be so kind.

“Hey, there’s Charlie!” Dean called out, waving his hand. “Hi, Charlie! Hi, Rosa!”

Charlie was sitting beside Rosa on a pair of lawn chairs with a bunch of their possessions lying around them. There was a big sign written on a piece of cardboard that read _Yard Sale_. It was rare to see a yard sale in the middle of December, but Castiel wasn’t shocked to see this coming from Charlie and Rosa.

Castiel followed behind Dean and Dandy, rolling Claire’s stroller up the driveway. 

Charlie stood from her chair to greet them both with hugs and then squatted down in front of Claire to squish her cheek. “What a cool surprise seeing you guys here. It’s a nice Saturday, isn’t it?”

“Hey, boys,” Rosa said, walking up behind Charlie. She had a thick blanket tossed around her shoulders, but her teeth were still chattering. “I told Charlie it was too cold for this, but she doesn’t listen to reason.”

Charlie stretched her legs, narrowing her eyes at Rosa. “I do listen to reason. Look, Dean and Castiel didn’t think it was too cold to go for a walk.”

“Actually, I did,” Dean said, crossing his arms. “But Cas here wanted to go for a walk because the sun is out or whatever.”

“It’s a beautiful morning,” Castiel said. “Stop complaining.”

Rosa laughed. “You guys are starting to sound like us. Come look around at all our useless stuff. We’ll give you a special neighbor discount.”

Dean looked at Castiel, eyebrows raised. Yeah, he was definitely interested in their useless crap. “You don’t have to tell me twice.” Dean looked around, asking Charlie about everything he picked up. 

Castiel checked on Claire and when he made sure she was doing okay, he decided to look around as well. There were tarot deck cards on top of a ouija board, which he was sure should not be bought used, so he steered clear of those items. He found a nice purple lamp that he thought Dean would like for his new room. Dean hadn’t really decorated the room. All he’d done was put a few of his clothes in the closet and his toiletries in the bathroom. Castiel wished Dean would make the room more himself. It was his room, after all. He should make it look more permanently his.

“How much is this lamp?” Castiel asked Rosa.

“Five bucks,” Rosa said.

Not bad. “I’ll take it.”

While Castiel paid for the lamp, Dean returned with a guitar. An actual guitar, not a ukelele. Castiel stared at the guitar and then at Dean, and that was enough for Dean to understand the silent question.

“No, I don’t know how to play,” Dean said. “But Charlie said she’ll give me lessons for free. I just bought it from her.”

Charlie leaned her elbow on Dean’s shoulder. “That’s right. I’m gonna teach Dean to play my old guitar. I just got a new one, so Rosa made me sell one of my old ones. She thinks I don’t need four guitars. Can you believe that?”

“You don’t!” Rosa said, throwing her frustrated arms in the air. She looked at Castiel, screaming silently.

Castiel laughed because he knew her frustration all too well. Dean had about ten pairs of boots, and Castiel would never understand the need for so many of them. They all looked exactly the same to him.

Dean looked at Castiel, a giddy smile on his face. “Jody did say I should pick up new hobbies. Gardening was fun at first, but nothing will grow in the winter. I can play guitar in the meantime. I’ve been told I have a nice voice when I sing karaoke, so maybe I was born to do this.”

“That’s the spirit,” Charlie said. “You’ll be a pro in no time. Leave it all to me.”

“I’ll have to see that,” Castiel said.

“Oh, you will, my friend,” Dean said. “You will.”

They made plans to have dinner later in the week. Castiel was surprised when Rosa offered to babysit Claire so Dean and Castiel could have a night to themselves. Castiel thought Claire was too small to leave her alone, no matter how much he trusted Charlie and Rosa. But he told them he would keep it in mind and let them know.

On their way back home, Dean brought it up again.

“Charlie and Rosa are good people. I think we should trust them with Claire. Besides, they really wanna have a kid of their own. This could be good practice for them.”

“It’s not that I don’t think they’re good people,” Castiel said. “I just think it’s too soon for Claire to be without us.”

“It doesn’t have to be right now. At least now we know we can count on them if we ever do decide to take a night off.”

Castiel looked at Dean. “Do you want to take a night off? Because if you do, I would understand.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “No, that’s not what I meant. I’m not taking a night off if you aren’t. We’re in this together. If one of us takes the night off, the other one will, too. We could go out to dinner or to the movies. I don’t know. Something fun.”

Castiel couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone out to either dinner or the movies. It was tempting, though. Taking a night off with Dean sounded amazing. When he felt more comfortable leaving Claire with other people, he would bring it up again. Either way, it was sweet that Dean refused to take a night off without him. 

“Nice lamp,” Dean said.

“It’s for you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I got it for your room.”

Dean grinned. “That’s so nice. Kinda strange coming from you.”

Castiel scoffed. “I’m always nice.”

“Yeah, right. You’re always looking for reasons to argue with me.”

“I like arguing with you.”

“That’s weird. You know that’s weird, right?”

“Just accept the damned lamp, Dean.”

“There he is.”

The alarm clock on his nightstand read 2:31 am and Castiel was wide awake.

Sleep didn’t come easily anymore. Not that sleep had ever come easily for him. Being a full time writer had fucked up his sleeping schedule for good. Although, Castiel had dealt with insomnia his entire life, so he couldn’t blame it all on his writing career. But after losing Amelia, sleeping had become much more difficult. Some nights, Castiel did manage to sleep until Claire woke up crying. Other nights like tonight, Castiel couldn’t get any sleep no matter how much he tossed and turned. In the end he gave up trying, sat up against his headboard, and turned on the television.

There was never anything good to watch at this time, so he settled on _The Addams Family_ reruns. Castiel had nothing against this show, but he preferred the films over the old show.

There was a quiet knock at his door before Dean peeked his head inside. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

Dean walked inside, closing the door carefully behind him. Without asking, Dean climbed in bed beside Castiel, getting his legs under the cover. “Can’t sleep either. Oh, _Addams Family_. Nice.”

Castiel looked back at the television. “There’s nothing good right now.”

“This _is_ good television, Cas. What’s wrong with you?”

“I prefer _The Twilight Zone_.”

“Well, sure, but there’s no comparison. _The Twilight Zone_ was the peak of television.”

“I disagree. _The X-Files_ was the peak of television.”

“Actually, no,” Dean said. “ _Dr. Sexy_ is the peak of television.”

Castiel groaned, elbowing Dean on the ribs. “That’s wrong on so many levels. That show is nothing but sex and drama.”

“What’s wrong with that? It sells.”

Castiel gaped at Dean. “The will-they-won’t-they between Mulder and Scully made that show legendary. It’s about the anticipation.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “No, it’s about aliens and monsters. Nobody cared if Mulder and Scully got together.”

Unbelievable. “ _I_ cared.”

Dean looked at Castiel with a smirk. “Did you? Well, I’m not surprised. You’re a romantic. Always have been. Me? I’m realistic. I don’t fantasize about ever finding my soulmate or whatever. That’s all kinds of bullshit. Even if soulmates were real, I’m sure mine would be either dead or on the other side of the world where I’ll never meet them.”

Castiel frowned. He’d never known this about Dean. “You don’t believe you’ll ever find someone right for you?”

Dean shrugged, looking back at the television. “No. It’s partly why I didn’t mind sticking it out with Lisa. When it finally hit me that she didn’t love me, I just figured I would never get to have that type of love in my life. But it’s alright. I _have_ love. I mean, I have people I love and love me back. I have my family. That’s enough for me.”

It was terribly heartbreaking hearing that Dean didn’t think he’d ever find someone who loved him romantically. As selfish as Castiel was by wanting to keep Dean around forever, he knew that wasn’t likely to happen. Eventually, Dean would fall in love with someone, move out of Castiel’s house, and probably get married, maybe have kids. If it didn’t happen with Anna, it would happen with someone else. But to hear that Dean had completely ruled out that part of his life was shocking. 

“But Dean, if anyone deserves to find love, it’s you.” Castiel turned to Dean, trying to look into his eyes even in the low light of the room. He wanted Dean to know that Castiel meant every word he said. “You’re a charming, lovely, wonderful man, and you deserve to be loved. You’re thirty-one years old. Do you really plan on going through the rest of your life alone? Don’t you feel like something is missing?”

Dean looked at him, and there was a sad smile on his face. “I can’t let myself hope for something that’s just not gonna happen. Maybe it’s for the best. I tried having flings, and I tried settling down. Neither of those things worked out. Maybe I’m just not meant to be in a relationship. Besides, I’m not alone. I have you and Claire.”

“Although it’s true that Claire and I will always be here for you, I think it’s important to open up your heart to someone else,” Castiel said, voice going quiet. He wasn’t sure that he meant the words he was saying with the right amount of conviction. The thought of Dean opening up his heart to anyone else, moving out, getting married, and having children, made Castiel feel inexplicably dejected. He wasn’t entirely sure why that was, but every time it came up, he squashed it down. Dean was his friend and Castiel should want him to move on and make his own life. Right?

Dean let out a soft chuckle. “Yeah, and who should I open up my heart to, Cas? I don’t get out there anymore. And before you say that it’s your fault, it’s not, alright? If I wanted to, I’d go out there and meet people. Make connections. If I _really_ wanted to, I’d ask out the cute guy at the checkout register every time I go on a diaper run.”

There was a cute guy that Dean was interested in? He’d never mentioned him before. Now Castiel was exceedingly curious. “What’s his name?”

Dean rolled his eyes and bit his lip. Was he blushing? “His name’s Edgar. He’s always flirting with me, and I guess sometimes I flirt back, but it’s never gonna go anywhere.”

Castiel sighed, feeling relieved to hear that, but then angry at feeling relieved. “Why not?” Then he pushed the words out of his mouth. “Maybe Edgar is the one for you.”

Dean met Castiel’s gaze again and then shrugged. “Well, if he is I don’t really wanna find out right now.”

Relieved again. Castiel was disgustingly selfish. He sat up straighter. “I always knew Lisa wasn’t the one for you. But there are so many people out there who could love you the way you deserve to be loved, Dean. I don’t want you to miss out on something great because you feel tied down to me and Claire. You say that’s not the issue, but what if it is?”

Dean shook his head, bumping his arm against Castiel’s. “I don’t feel tied down to you and Claire. I know you guys don’t really need me. But I need you guys.”

That was the stupidest thing Castiel had ever heard. “You’re an idiot if you believe that we don’t need you.”

Dean looked away from Castiel’s gaze. “Look, my point is, you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine with the way things are. I don’t need someone to love me. That’s what my right hand is for.”

Castiel chuckled. “Glad you’re taking care of that part of the issue.”

“What about you?” Dean asked, looking back into Castiel’s eyes. “Do you think you’ll ever fall in love again?”

Castiel hadn’t really given that much thought. Amelia had been everything to him for the past five years. He didn’t know if he’d get to live through that again. “Truthfully, I don’t know. But I guess I have to agree with you on the fact that I also have a lot of love in my life as it is.” Castiel swallowed, leaning slightly closer to Dean. “I have you.”

For a second, Dean’s eyes flicked to Castiel’s lips, and then back to his eyes. “Yeah, you have me. Always.”

Silence fell between them once again, and they turned their attention back to the television. Dean leaned his head against Castiel’s like they often did. It was nice not having to fill the silence with small talk when it came to Dean. Being with Dean was as easy as breathing.

“Cas,” Dean broke the silence. “How often do you have trouble sleeping?”

“I don’t know. Maybe four or five days a week.”

“That’s worrying.”

“It’s fine.”

“It isn’t fine. You need to take care of that.”

“How?”

“Have you considered going to therapy?”

After losing Amelia, Castiel felt that he had bounced back better than he would have ever expected. Apart from the night he’d fallen asleep crying, the night he’d bolted out of his house to have a screaming contest with Dean, and the many nights he hadn’t slept at all, he was doing okay. So, no, he’d never considered therapy. “Why do you ask?”

“I know this might surprise you coming from me, but I think therapy is kind of awesome. Talking to Jody every week has made me work through issues that I never even knew I had. You lost the love of your life a little over a month ago. I think therapy could work for you, too. I could ask Jody if she has any openings. She’s a grief counselor, you know.”

Maybe therapy would be a good way to vent about all of the things clouding his mind surrounding Amelia’s death and everything that had followed. Maybe Dean was right.

“Okay,” Castiel relented. “You can ask Jody if she can see me.”

Dean found Castiel’s hand under the blanket and held it. 

Castiel gave Dean a look. “Did you come in here to try to talk me into going to therapy?”

“Maybe.”

“I should have known.”

“I noticed the bags under your eyes were getting worse every day. Excuse me for being concerned for my best friend.”

Castiel squeezed Dean’s hand. “I don’t want you to worry about me either.”

“Tough luck.” Dean yawned, covering his mouth. “I’m gonna go to bed since _I_ can actually sleep.”

“If Claire wakes up, leave it to me. I don’t think I’ll get any hours of sleep tonight.”

“Alright, if you say so.” Dean withdrew his hand and used it to brush back Castiel’s hair from his forehead. “You need a haircut.”

“What, you don’t want me to grow my hair out like Sam’s?”

“I’m not here to tell you what to do with your looks,” Dean said pointedly. “But _no_.”

Castiel laughed. He’d actually been planning on making an appointment for a haircut soon. “Go to bed, Dean. It’s late.”

Dean smiled. “Good night, Cas.”

“Good night.”

  
  
  


**Dean**

Dean had only had two guitar lessons from Charlie, but he could already play one song.

Well, kind of.

_You Are My Sunshine_ only had three chords, so it wasn’t that difficult to learn. However, Dean still had trouble switching from one chord to the next without it sounding too choppy. Charlie promised him that with time, he’d get better at it. Dean hoped that was true because this hobby had turned out to be more painful that he’d imagined. By the end of his second lesson, he had full blisters on his fingers and he’d pretty much lost all feeling on the tips.

“You’re such a newbie,” Charlie had said.

Dean didn’t want to know how bad his fingers would look after all the practicing Charlie had ordered him to do in between their lessons. But since he’d already bought the damned guitar and had committed himself to this particular hobby, he pushed through it.

Dean usually went back to his house to practice so the noise didn’t bother Claire, especially during her naps. But his practice had been—thankfully—interrupted by Sam, who’d showed up unannounced.

“Hey, Sammy.” Dean welcomed him in, hissing when his hands touched the door.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Dean motioned to the guitar propped up on the couch. “I bought a guitar and it’s killing my fingers. Did you know guitar strings are evil?”

Sam grinned, sitting down and picking up the guitar. He shaped his fingers into the right lines for chords Dean hadn’t learned yet as he played the familiar _Landslide_ melody. His strumming went in perfect beat with the song, and there was nothing choppy about the chord shifts. The smug smile on Sam’s face made it all even worse.

“I hate you,” Dean said.

“I learned back in college. It’s easy. You just need to learn a bit of music theory.”

Dean grimaced. “No, that sounds like homework. I got painful blisters from trying to play three chords.”

“What song are you learning?”

“ _You Are My Sunshine_.”

“That’s such a simple song.” With another smug smile, Sam played the song better than Dean had in the hour and a half he’d been practicing.

“Okay, don’t rub it in my face, you child prodigy.”

Sam laughed. “Don’t be jealous of my many talents.”

“You wish I was jealous. I’m just annoyed. How do you not have blisters?”

Sam shrugged. “You get used to it.”

As much as people kept telling him that, Dean’s fingers didn’t hurt any less. “Whatever. Did you come here just to gloat about your guitar playing prowess?”

“No, Dean.” Sam set down the guitar. “I came to visit. Jess has the night shift tonight, and I had the day off. I went to Castiel’s house first, but he told me you were here.”

“You want anything to drink? I only got water here. If you want anything more fancy, we’ll have to go to Cas’s.”

“Water’s good.”

Dean went to fill up two glasses with water and when he came back, Sam was playing another song on the guitar. What a show off.

“Thanks,” Sam said, taking his glass and sipping it. “So, have you and Castiel decided on the menu for Christmas yet?”

That conversation had taken days to be resolved, but they’d finally settled on making tamales. Dean hadn’t been too sure about it at first because he’d never even attempted to make them, but Castiel felt confident that they could figure it out. Dean liked a little risk here and there, anyway.

“We’re making tamales,” Dean said.

“Oh, that’s nice. Let me know if you want Jess and I to bring something.”

“I think we got it all covered. Unless you wanna bring some eggnog. We can’t have Christmas without eggnog.”

“You got it.” Sam put down the water and started playing another song.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Are you gonna keep showing off? Damn you.”

Sam handed Dean the guitar. “Show me what you’ve got. I’ll help you learn the song.”

Dean took the guitar and got into position. The moment his fingers touched the strings, Dean winced. The pain was so bad, he couldn’t see this ever getting easier. Then again, there had been many situations in the past where he thought nothing would get easier, but they had, eventually. Dean began strumming in the beats Charlie had taught him to go along with the chords. The shifts were still a struggle. 

“You’re so stiff,” Sam said, furrowing his eyebrows. “Relax your hands.”

“How do you want me to relax my hands with my fucking blisters?”

“Just do it.”

Dean sighed, but he relaxed his hands and his shoulders, which he realized were also very stiff. Again, Dean began from the top, humming along to the song. He still hadn’t managed to sing and play at the same time. That was a different struggle.

“You’re not bad, Dean. You just need more practice.”

“I was practicing until you showed up and made a fool out of me, bitch.”

“Okay, don’t be a jerk. Try it again. Singing this time.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t.”

“You were humming just now. If you can hum, you can sing.”

Dean raised his blistered hand. “You don’t seem to get how hard this is.”

“It’s not that hard. Come on. You can do it.”

Dean groaned. But his frustration was making him want to keep trying just to shut Sam up. The next time Dean started the song, he tried to sing in time with the beats. Since he kept singing off beat, he started over and over and over again. On his seventh attempt, Dean finally sang in time with the beat and he kept going. Before he knew it, the song was over.

“There you go!” Sam said. “You did it. Look at you.”

Dean was beaming with pride. Maybe he _did_ just need a bit more practice. He was so excited that he almost didn’t feel the pain on his fingers. Almost. “I guess I did.”

“You have a great voice, Dean. It goes perfect with the song.”

Dean blushed because he’d never known how to take compliments. “Thanks.”

“Hey, do you have a lot going on this afternoon?”

Dean didn’t think so, but he’d have to check with Castiel before giving Sam a good answer. “You have something in mind?”

“I still haven’t found a Christmas gift for Jess. I thought maybe you could come with me to look for something.”

Dean didn’t like the thought of Christmas shopping, but he also needed to get that off his list. “Let me call Cas before we go. I think it’ll be fine, though.”

“He’s not your spouse, Dean.”

“Shut up. We have a system.” Dean dialed Castiel’s number, and he picked up on the second ring. 

“Sam was looking for you.”

“I know. He’s right here. He wants to take me shopping. You think you’ll be okay?”

“Of course. While you’re out, pick up more formula please. We’re running a little low.”

“Got it. You need anything?”

Castiel hummed. “Since you’re offering, we need ice cream.”

“Rocky road?”

“And whipped cream.”

Dean smiled. “I’ll see you in a few hours then.”

“See you soon. Take care.”

Dean smiled. “You too.” 

Sam was staring at him. “It’s so odd how codependent you two have become lately.”

“We’re not codependent. We have—”

“A system. Yeah, I heard you the first time. Dean, have you realized how similar your current situation with Castiel is to your situation with Lisa?”

Dean _had_ realized it. How could he not? It appeared that Dean had this pattern of raising other people’s children as his own and then getting far too attached. Except, Castiel wasn’t Lisa. Castiel had made it very clear that they were not the same, so Dean wasn’t at all worried that things would end in the same way as they had with Lisa. Most importantly, Dean and Castiel weren’t in a romantic relationship.

“Cas and I have talked about it,” Dean admitted. “Although, yes, many details are the same, this isn’t anything like it was with Lisa. For starters, Castiel respects me and treats me like his equal. And, you know, we’re not boning.”

Sam made a face. “Dean, you’re a grown man. Don’t say _boning_.”

“Let me live, Sammy.”

Sam sighed. “I guess you’re right. At least Castiel seems to genuinely like you.”

“I like him, too. We have a good thing going for us.” Dean propped up the guitar against the couch and stood up. “Grab your wallet, Sammy. We’re going shopping.”

They’d been at it for almost three hours and Dean was exhausted. Not to mention how much pain he had to endure holding all his bags. Sam had already found his gift for Jess, which was a record player and a few records. Dean wished he could just see something and know it was perfect for Castiel, but nothing had had that wow factor so far. Shopping for Claire was much easier. Babies always had a lot of adorable stuff for sale. Dean went a bit overboard buying every toy and clothing that caught his eye, but Claire was worth it.

“Dean, just pick something,” Sam said, finding an empty bench at the mall and slumping down on it.

Dean frowned, sitting beside him. “I don’t know what Cas will love the most.”

“Get him a book. Castiel loves books.”

“Books are his job. That’s not a good gift.”

“So get him a nice shirt and tie. He likes dressing up sometimes, right?”

“Ugh. No.”

“Well, I’m tired. I wanna go home.”

“You’re so weak. I’m the one with the blisters.”

Sam narrowed his eyes. “Just pick something out.”

Dean checked his phone for the time and saw that it was getting late. Maybe Sam was right. Maybe Dean should just pick something. He smiled at his phone wallpaper. Ben was on Dean’s lock screen, but Claire was on his home screen. As soon as Dean saw Claire’s picture, the answer hit him. It had been so obvious. What did Castiel love the most? 

Claire.

“I got it,” Dean said.

“Got what?”

“Just follow me.”

Dean went into the photo place they’d crossed a few minutes ago and approached the girl behind the counter. “Hey.”

The girl smiled. “Hello. How can I help you?”

“You guys do personalized photo gifts, right?”

The girl nodded. “Yes, we do. Do you have something specific in mind?”

“How about a pillow?”

“We can do that.”

“Awesome.”

Satisfied with Castiel’s customized gift, Dean agreed for Sam to drive him back home. Dean invited him in, but Sam was too tired to get out of his car, so he bid Dean farewell and drove off.

Dean went inside with all his bags, thankful that he didn’t have Castiel’s gift with him so he didn’t have to hide it. “Honey, I’m home!” Dean said it in his best Ricky Ricardo impression. Castiel got a kick out of it every time.

Castiel’s laughter came from the living room. “Finally!” he called back. Castiel was on the couch, holding Claire up against his arm, facing the television. Dandy was sitting on his other side. They looked so perfect huddled up together that Dean wasted no time putting down the bags, pulling out his phone, and snapping a picture. “You’re a paparazzi now?”

“I gotta get as many shots as I can of my favorite people.” Dean put his phone back in his pocket. “I got the ice cream and whipped cream.”

“Thank God. I’ve been craving it since you called me earlier. You were gone for so long. What the hell did you buy? Where’s Sam?”

“He went home. We went Christmas shopping.”

Castiel widened his eyes. “Really? Did you get everything?”

“Yep. Let me put all these bags away and then I’ll get us some ice cream.”

“You spoil me.”

“Oh, you love it.”

Castiel laughed again. “Hurry up so we can watch this movie. It’s about to start.”

“What movie?”

“Some terrible horror movie that looks so bad it’ll be good.”

They’d recently been on a bad movie kick. Since it was one of their shared interests, their bad movie marathons had become their new tradition. Dean and Castiel just couldn’t get enough of the low budget, poorly scripted movies that never failed to crack them up so hard tears came out of their eyes.

“That sounds great,” Dean said. “I’ll be right back.”

Castiel stood, holding a sleeping Claire in his arms. “I’ll get her in the crib while you do that.”

Dean put away all the bags in his room, knowing he’d have to worry about wrapping them up later. He put the baby formula in the nursery and then went into the kitchen to fill up two bowls full of ice cream and whipped cream.

When Dean was done he slumped down on the couch with Castiel, handing him one of the bowls.

“Claire was watching TV with me earlier,” Castiel said with a smile.

“Was she?”

“Yeah. I think she liked it because she was smiling.”

Dean smiled back softly. “She’s perfect.”

Castiel chuckled. “You say that every time.”

“That’s ‘cause it’s true.”

Castiel ate a spoonful of ice cream, and then angled his body towards Dean. “So the concept of this movie is basically a killer La-Z-Boy that falls in love with a woman.”

Dean gaped at Castiel, his mouth full of ice cream. “You’re kidding.”

Castiel snorted, wiping the edge of Dean’s mouth with his thumb. “I’m not. It’s like it was made for us.”

“Who comes up with this shit, and where can I apply?”

“Seriously, you and I could pitch way better bad movies.”

Despite his blisters and sore feet, Dean thought this day could not get any better.

**Castiel**

Christmas had never been so hectic for Castiel. Usually, Castiel and Amelia flew to Florida to visit Esther and Robert for Christmas and they did all the work. This year, Castiel and Dean did all the work. And the work was plentiful. Making tamales was not as simple as Castiel had assumed. It had taken hours to prepare everything, and a lot of restarting the process. The biggest challenge came when Claire woke up from her nap unhappy and Dean stopped helping with the cooking, leaving Castiel completely alone. In the end, Castiel did manage to get all the food done and Dean managed to get Claire to calm down.

Their guests started arriving just as Castiel was finishing the dessert—flan, to keep with the Mexican food theme.

Sam and Jess stepped into the kitchen, greeting him with a hug. They’d brought eggnog, which Castiel was sure had been Dean’s idea. Dean was a big fan of eggnog.

“The food smells so good,” Jess said. “Is that flan?”

“Yes,” Castiel said. “I hope everyone likes it. I lost my helper halfway through.”

“You should have called us,” Sam said. “I told Dean we could help.”

Castiel waved a hand, putting down the caramel. “Thank you, Sam, but I think it’s all finally done.” Then he put the flan in the fridge. “You guys look great, by the way.”

Sam was dressed in slacks, a green dress shirt, and a black peacoat, while Jess was wearing a knee-length red dress over black stockings. For once, Dean hadn’t been hung up on Castiel dressing up. He was wearing a black suit with a blue snowman tie that Amelia had bought him a couple of years ago. It was his way of keeping her close today.

A few minutes later, Bobby, Ellen, and Jo arrived. Castiel knew that the last time Dean had been around Jo, he’d had a minor (maybe major) freakout about her mistaking their friendship. Castiel didn’t understand what the big deal was. Castiel and Dean had always been close and maybe a little touchy with each other. But Castiel had always been a very physical person. He liked to show his affection with touch. It had taken some time for Dean to come around and feel comfortable enough with Castiel to allow for that physical closeness. Castiel didn’t see anything wrong with it. If Jo misinterpreted that as something romantic, then that was her problem, not theirs.

When Castiel walked into the living room, everyone was all over Claire because Dean had dressed her up in a cute white dress with a big black bow in the back and shiny black shoes. She also had a little red bow on the few blonde hairs on her head. Dean had always been great at finding her the cutest outfits. Then again, Dean was great at most things.

“Thanks for coming, everyone,” Castiel said, sitting down on the arm of the couch beside Dean. “Merry Christmas.”

“Thanks for having us, Castiel,” Bobby said. “Looks like Claire’s getting bigger already.”

Claire was, indeed, getting bigger every day. She’d grown out of all of her newborn clothes, so Dean and Castiel kept having to buy her new stuff all the time. Not that Dean ever minded shopping for Claire’s outfits. It was probably one of his new favorite hobbies. Castiel enjoyed seeing Dean so happy every time he found something cute.

“You have no idea,” Dean said, putting his hand on Castiel’s thigh. “Cas and I have our hands full with her. But it’s awesome.”

Castiel smiled because he agreed with the sentiment. He put his hand on top of Dean’s, and he didn’t miss Jo’s eyes getting wider, but he decided to ignore it. “Can I get you guys anything to drink? Dean, did you offer them some snacks?”

“Oh, yeah, I was about to pour us all some eggnog,” Dean said, standing up. “I’ll be right back.”

Ellen was holding Claire in her arms. “Castiel, you have such a sweet baby. She’s so calm. My Jo was never this calm as a baby.”

“I’ve always been a bit of a troublemaker,” Jo said with a smirk.

“I’ve heard it _is_ unusual for a baby to be so calm,” Castiel said. “Dean thinks she got it from Amelia.” Castiel was glad when he didn’t get any looks of pity after bringing up Amelia. 

Dean returned with a tray full of glasses filled with eggnog and he passed them around, handing the last one to Castiel. “Live a little.”

Castiel took it because it was Christmas, after all. It tasted delicious and the alcohol in it was faint. “Thank you.”

Later, they all moved onto the much bigger dinner table—Castiel had to take it out from the garage because it was especially reserved for a lot of guests. They all took turns complimenting Castiel on the food, even Dean, who Castiel knew had been doubtful about the choice of menu. Castiel was glad he hadn’t ruined their Christmas dinner because he was having a great time. When he’d woken up that morning, he’d wondered if he would spend the day missing Amelia, and although he did miss her, he was still able to enjoy himself. Dean’s family was amazing and Castiel felt at home with them. Maybe it was because they were an extension of Dean, who always made him feel at home.

The dining room was filled with loud chatter, laughter, and good times. Bobby was telling Castiel hilarious anecdotes about Dean as a kid. About how Dean learned to ride a bike by himself when he was fifteen and how he was so determined to learn he spent an entire day falling off of the thing before he got the hang of it. Dean was also in his high school football team, and apparently he was a bit of a heartbreaker. Castiel didn’t doubt that. It was so nice getting to learn more about Dean’s past from Dean’s father figure. Castiel felt honored that Bobby trusted him enough to share these stories with him.

After dinner, they drank more eggnog and ate some flan, and then they gathered around the tree to open presents. Castiel was surprised when Sam and Jess handed him one.

“This is for me?” Castiel asked from his place on the floor.

Jess had Claire in her arms, and she was holding onto one of her hands. “Yes, it’s yours. Open it.”

Castiel opened it to find a golden watch that looked extremely expensive. Castiel gaped up at them, holding the watch carefully in his hands. “You shouldn’t have. This is too much.”

“Put it on. We already set it to the right time.” Sam smiled. “Dean told us you’re always asking him what time it is, so we thought you might benefit from a watch.”

Castiel laughed, looking at Dean, who was already looking at him with a smile. “You told on me?”

Dean shrugged. “Maybe.”

The watch made him look sophisticated, like he was ready for an important business meeting. It was too kind of Sam and Jess to get him something like this. 

“Thank you both so much.” Castiel handed them each a present to open.

They looked surprised, too. He’d gotten Sam a bluetooth speaker and Jess a bath bomb set and scented candles because she had mentioned many times before how much she loved taking baths. They thanked him, looking genuinely touched. 

The huge gift bag under the tree with Claire’s name on it was Dean’s gift for her, but since Claire couldn’t even open it, Castiel convinced Dean to leave the bag there and tomorrow they’d show her all of the stuff he got her. When Dean pouted, Castiel placed a chocolate chip cookie in between his lips and Dean grinned, chewing on it. At the sight of food, Dandy lifted her head from her place at the foot of the couch.

Everyone else around them was busy opening up their own gifts. Castiel could hear their surprised gasps and endless gratitudes, but it was hard to focus on anything else when Dean turned to him, handing him a big box that was light as a feather.

“Open my gift,” Dean said, smiling coyly.

Carefully, Castiel tore off the wrapping paper to reveal a plain white box. Then, he opened that to reveal a pillow. He had to take it out of the box to see that on the pillow was a picture of a smiling Claire. It was impossible not to let out an “Aww.” Castiel ran his fingertips over the crystal clear image.

Dean had scooted closer and when he spoke, it was quiet enough that only Castiel could hear. “Since you’ve been having trouble sleeping lately, I thought having Claire close would help. I hope you like it.”

Castiel loved it. He clutched the pillow to his chest with one hand and cupped Dean’s cheek with the other. “Thank you, Dean. It’s perfect.”

Dean smiled softly. “You have no idea how hard it was to pick just one picture. My phone is almost full of memory because of how many pictures I have of her.”

Castiel laughed, rubbing Dean’s cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. “Oh, I’m well aware. All you ever do is take pictures of her.” Castiel withdrew his hand. “Open my gift now.” He reached for a smaller, slightly heavier box and handed it to Dean.

Eagerly, Dean tore it open. When he saw the framed picture of Dean and Claire in her red Thanksgiving dress, Dean gasped like it was the first time he’d ever seen it. “This is the first picture of her I have in physical form. I love this. Thank you, Cas. I’m gonna put it in my room.”

“That’s why I got it for you,” Castiel said. “Both of you look great in it.”

Dean couldn’t tear his eyes off of the picture. That was the thing about Dean—all it took was something as simple as a picture to make him happy. 

“I have another gift for you, but it’s in the garage.”

“What?” Dean finally looked back at him. “Seriously?”

Castiel nodded. “Follow me.”

They left everyone else to keep exchanging and opening presents while they snuck off together. Castiel felt the wall blindly for the light switch. There were a few missing parts of Dean’s Impala on the garage floor, including the hood, side mirrors, and windshield. It had taken some scavenging, but Castiel had found the original parts. He’d asked Bobby before buying them just to be completely sure. Dean hadn’t made any progress on fixing up the Impala because he spent all his time and money on Claire. But Castiel felt it was important that Dean started working on getting his beloved car back. 

“Cas, you didn’t have to do this,” Dean said, looking at Castiel with glassy green eyes. “This stuff is so expensive. You didn’t—”

“I know I didn’t have to,” Castiel said, stepping closer to him. “I wanted to. Dean, you have done so much for me and Claire. I wanted to do something for you, too.”

Dean pulled Castiel into his arms. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist, holding him close. Then he pressed a kiss to Dean’s cheek. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you and Claire,” Dean whispered into Castiel’s ear.

Castiel didn’t want to imagine a life without Dean, the same way he’d never wanted to imagine a life without Amelia. “You will never get to find out. You’re stuck with us.”

Dean laughed, pulling away slightly. “Merry Christmas, Cas.”

“Merry Christmas, Dean.” Castiel held Dean’s gaze for a moment. It was so easy to get lost in his eyes. “I have one final present for you, but it isn’t from me.”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

Castiel let go of Dean to uncover the edge of the tarp that was covering Amelia’s paintings. He knew exactly where the painting he was looking for was, so he grabbed it and showed it to Dean. It was a medium-sized oil painting of Dean and Ben. A long time ago, Amelia had painted it, hoping to gift it to Dean someday. Castiel refused to let that painting remain hidden among the rest. This one was very special and it deserved to be displayed.

Dean took the painting in his hands, his eyes going very big and then filling up with tears. “That’s my son, Cas.”

“I know.” Castiel placed a hand on the small of Dean’s back. “It’s from Amelia.”

“God, I miss them both so fucking much.”

Castiel knew the feeling. “I didn’t mean to make you cry today.”

Dean laughed, blinking the tears away. “You know I cry over everything.”

Castiel pulled Dean back in by the waist and Dean went easily. Then he whispered into his ear, “You have no idea how much you mean to me.”

“I might have an idea.”

They stayed in each other’s arms for a long time. Castiel didn’t mind that they were supposed to be the hosts and yet had disappeared for so long. Being with Dean often helped Castiel recharge his energy. Somewhere along the way, Castiel had learned that he could find real comfort in Dean’s presence. Having Dean in his arms felt so right. It was always hard to let him go, but Dean reminded him that they had a room full of guests they should get back to.

When they returned, the gift exchange seemed to be over. Everyone had gotten comfortable on the couches as they watched _A Charlie Brown Christmas_. Sam and Jess made room for Castiel and Dean on the couch, and they joined them. Claire was asleep in Sam’s arms, and she looked adorable with her mouth hanging open. Dandy poked her wet nose to Castiel’s hand, and he pet her behind her ear.

All in all, it was not a bad Christmas.

New Year’s Eve was originally going to be spent with Castiel, Claire, and Dean watching more dumb movies on television, but thanks to Charlie and Rosa, those plans went right out the window.

Charlie and Rosa were throwing a party to ring in the new year, and Dean was dying to go. Castiel hadn’t been too sure at first because he didn’t want to leave Claire with someone else. Dean insisted that wasn’t an issue when he suggested bringing Claire to the party. Castiel refused, of course, because Claire was too little to attend one of Charlie and Rosa’s loud parties. So, Dean had come up with a solution: they were going to leave Claire with Sam and Jess, who had gladly volunteered to babysit. But they were only going to be gone for two hours, from 10:00 pm to midnight. “Like Cinderella,” Dean had said.

Castiel knew that Claire would be asleep by then, so she probably wouldn’t miss them while they were gone. Besides, Charlie and Rosa had been really eager for them to make an appearance at their party. So, in the end, he relented.

It was how he found himself in Charlie and Rosa’s living room, watching Dean sing karaoke in a surprisingly beautiful voice. Dean was singing Bon Jovi’s _Wanted Dead or Alive_ with all the gusto you’d expect from a tipsy karaoke performer. Dean had made a show out of it, wearing a cowboy hat that Charlie had offered him and making adorable faces and hand gestures. Sometimes, he’d focus on Castiel and sing just for him. 

When Dean was through, he plopped down beside Castiel on the couch, panting.

“You do have a nice voice,” Castiel said.

Dean grinned. “You really think so? I fucking love karaoke, man. It’s awesome.”

“You looked great up there.”

Dean removed his cowboy hat and put it on Castiel instead. “You wanna join me outside for some air, cowboy?”

Castiel tipped his hat with his hand. In the worst southern accent, he said, “I sure do.”

Dean threw his head back in laughter before he took Castiel’s hand and pulled him all the way to the backyard. There was only one person sitting in a corner, smoking a cigarette. It was too cold to linger outside for too long, but they still made themselves comfortable on the porch swing off to the side. “I’m having a lot of fun.”

Castiel, who still hadn’t let go of Dean’s hand, squeezed it. “Me too.”

Since they’d left the door behind them ajar, they could clearly hear the countdown happening inside. Eight, seven, six…

New years brought new beginnings, and for the first time in a long time, Castiel was hopeful that good things were coming. For both of them.

“Happy New Year, Cas.”

“Happy New Year, Dean.” Castiel lifted their laced hands and kissed the back of Dean’s. The action had been impulsive, but he’d be lying if he said he regretted it. Castiel didn’t go around kissing his friends’ hands. This felt a lot more intimate than a moment between friends. Dean stared back at him with a light blush on his cheeks, which made Castiel realize that he’d crossed a certain line in their friendship. “Was that okay?”

Dean smiled. “What, the kiss?” He shrugged. “It’s midnight on New Year’s. I think kisses are allowed.” Dean looked away. “Not on the lips, of course. We’re just friends and that’d be weird, right?”

Castiel found it a little strange that Dean was getting flustered talking over this. If Castiel didn’t know any better, he’d say that Dean _wanted_ to kiss Castiel on the lips. Castiel turned Dean’s face towards him so he could look into his eyes again. “Well, according to Jo, we’re Claire’s gay dads. It makes sense for us to kiss.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay, whatever. You know she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

Castiel laughed. “It’s not the wildest theory I’ve ever heard.”

Dean gave Castiel a look and then squeezed his hand before letting it go. “Come on. Our pumpkin chariot awaits.”

“Right.” Castiel sighed. “Back to reality.”

Castiel and Dean said goodbye to Charlie and Rosa, who kept trying to convince them to stay a while longer, but they had to get back to Claire, so they understood. Before Castiel forgot, he removed his hat and put it on Charlie.

The walk back to their house was cold, but not unbearable. Castiel held Dean’s hand all the way home.

  
  
  


**Dean**

While Castiel was out getting groceries, Dean sat on a chair in front of Claire’s crib while she lay there calmly. Dean wanted to play the song he’d been practicing on his guitar for Claire and this was the best time to do it. The blisters on his fingers had gone away, but there was still a numbness to them the more Dean pressed up against the hard strings. But even with all the pain it caused him, Dean enjoyed playing the guitar. He thought that he had improved significantly in the past few weeks.

Claire was looking intently at him, the same way her dad often looked at Dean and with the same pair of eyes. Dean smiled at her.

Dean sang as he played, and he didn’t think it sounded too bad.

“ _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away._ ”

Dean kept his eyes glued to Claire’s because he wanted the song to be for her. It was essentially a sad song, but it didn’t have to be. It was about a love that went away, even when you didn’t want it to. Dean knew that pain too well. But Dean had decided that this song was about having sunshine in your life again after a long time with nothing but rain. And Claire had been that sunshine in Dean’s life. Claire had come into his life when Dean had needed some real, life-changing sunshine. 

When the song was over, Dean lowered his guitar to the ground, his eyes still on Claire. “I love you, baby girl. You have no idea how much.”

“She loves you, too.”

Dean jumped, looking over his shoulder at Castiel, who had been standing on the doorway. Castiel approached him and wrapped his arms behind Dean, leaning their cheeks together. Dean put his hand over Castiel’s wrist. It was slightly embarrassing to be caught playing his guitar, especially to Claire. Many people would think it was a waste of time to be so open with a baby, but Dean thought Claire understood what was going on in her own way.

“That was sweet,” Castiel said. “I think all that practicing paid off.”

“I didn’t know you were home,” Dean confessed.

“I know. I probably shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, but the music was too good to miss out on it.” Castiel kissed Dean’s cheek. “You’re very talented, Dean.”

Dean blushed, lowering his head. He did that every time Castiel kissed him, no matter where he kissed him. Maybe Dean should be questioning why Castiel kissed him so often, but he liked it too much to rock the boat. “Thanks, but I’m still a beginner.”

Castiel smirked. “Don’t argue with me.” Then his arms were gone, and he went over to pick up Claire from her crib. “You agree with me, don’t you, Claire?”

“Sure she does.”

“I picked up a pizza on the way home. Let’s go eat.”

Dean waited until they were done with dinner, lounging lazily on the couch with Claire in her bassinet and Dandy by their feet, watching _Dr. Sexy_ reruns to bring up Castiel’s birthday. It was on January 29th and he wanted to make it special. “Cas?”

“Hmm?” Castiel kept his eyes on the television as Dr. Sexy passionately made out with a nurse in the elevator.

“I was thinking you and I could go out for your birthday,” Dean said, fidgeting with the edge of his shirt. “Charlie and Rosa are on board to babysit Claire for us that day.”

Castiel finally tore his eyes away from the television to look at Dean. “What did you have in mind?”

Dean had predicted a lot more of a fight from Castiel, so he was taken slightly aback. “Uh, well, we could get dinner from this great diner downtown, Maria’s. Then maybe stop by the Roadhouse for some drinks. Unless you had something else in mind. I’m down for anything. It’s _your_ birthday.”

Castiel smiled his best gummy smile. “That sounds nice, actually. I hadn’t planned anything. I thought we could just stay in and watch another bad movie.”

“We do that all the time.”

“I know, so your plan sounds better.”

Dean grinned. “So, you’re okay with Charlie and Rosa babysitting?”

Castiel looked at Claire, who was playing with her rattle. “Yeah, I think she’ll be alright. She’s almost three months old. I think she can handle a full evening with Charlie and Rosa.”

“Exactly.”

“Now shush because Dr. Sexy is about to confess his feelings for Nurse Jane.”

Dean rolled his eyes. He’d seen this episode plenty of times before. Dr. Sexy was a player. He was never going to fall in love. But Castiel was seeing this episode for the first time, and he was apparently hooked. It had happened to Dean, so he couldn’t pass any judgment. “I thought you weren’t really into this show.”

Castiel shushed him again, never tearing his eyes from the screen.

Dean didn’t bother hiding his amusement. 

“Remember to burp her after her bottle, but please hold up her head because it’ll wobble if you don’t. You have my number and Dean’s, and we’ll both have our phones on, but just in case of an emergency, I left you the car seat by the door. Just remember—”

“Cas, I think they got it,” Dean interrupted, taking hold of Castiel’s forearm, leading him towards the open front door. “Charlie and Rosa can handle taking care of Claire for a few hours. Everything will be alright.”

“Seriously,” Rosa said, holding Claire in her arms. “We’ve got it covered. You have nothing to worry about. Enjoy your night out.”

“Yeah, have an awesome birthday, Castiel!” Charlie called out.

Dean forced Castiel to turn around so he could see where he was going, and it took all his strength to manage to finally get him out the door. “You’re such a helicopter parent.”

Castiel gaped at him. “Excuse me, but this is very difficult for me. I don’t know how you’re taking this so easy.”

They got in the truck with Dean in the driver’s seat. Once they were both buckled in, Dean turned on the radio to an oldies station, letting a familiar 60’s song play quietly.

“I don’t like leaving Claire either, Cas, but this isn’t the first time I’ve had to learn to let go a little when it comes to my children.” Dean realized that what he’d said implied that Claire was also his kid and he became worried that Castiel would take offense to that, but Castiel was just looking at Dean with soft eyes.

Castiel took in a deep breath, shifting on the seat. “I promise I will try not to worry so much tonight.”

“Good.” Dean smiled over at him before pulling out of the driveway. “We’re gonna have a great night. How does it feel to be thirty-four?”

“The same as it felt to be thirty-three.”

“Well, now I know my job is to make tonight feel different from every other night you’ve had recently.”

“And how will you do that?”

“Let me worry about that. You just sit back and enjoy the ride.”

Maria’s was unusually quiet for this time of the day. Dinner rush must have ended a while ago. The place was cozy and it had a 50s theme. There were colorful walls with old record covers used as decoration, but the neon sign and jukebox brought it all together. A strong smell of coffee filled the air, along with the comforting scent of fried and greasy food. Dean led Castiel to a booth by the front window, and they sat across from each other.

A young woman with straight black hair approached their table with two menus, and Dean grinned up at her.

“Hey, Tessa, it’s nice to see you again,” Dean said. Dean would bring Ben to eat here on the many nights Lisa didn’t show up for dinner. This place had become a bit of an escape. Although, it had always felt second to Castiel’s house.

“Well, aren’t you a stranger,” Tessa said, smiling widely. “Why haven’t you come around? We just started serving this new Mississippi mud pie that I know you’ll love.”

Now that was something to look forward to after dinner. “Tessa, you know me so well.” Dean turned to Castiel, who looked amused by the interaction. “Let me introduce you to Cas.”

Tessa gasped, looking at Castiel like he was a celebrity. “This is _the_ Cas? The one who lives next door to you?”

Dean nodded. Yeah, he’d definitely talked up Castiel way too many times while he was here. “The one and only.”

“You’ve heard about me,” Castiel said, sounding slightly shocked.

“Of course I have,” Tessa said. “All Dean and his cute son ever talked about was Cas and Uncle Cas. We were all wondering when we’d finally get to see you.” Suddenly, she turned her attention back to Dean. “Where is your sweet boy, anyway? I miss seeing him around here, too.”

Dean should have known the question was coming. But he’d discussed Ben enough in therapy that talking about him now was at least manageable. Not easy, but not impossible either. “Ben is with his mom. On a trip.”

“Oh, well, I’m sure you’re eager to have him back home,” Tessa said, and boy was she right. Deep down, Dean still thought that Lisa would change her mind and bring Ben back, but Jody had made him see that it wasn’t healthy to worry about something so completely out of his control. 

“Yeah,” Dean said, faintly. Dean offered her a smile that he hoped seemed sincere, but Castiel frowned in response to it.

“Could we please get two glasses of water?” Castiel asked.

“Absolutely. I’ll be right back with your waters.” As soon as Tessa left, Dean let out a long breath. He’d made it through that conversation. It was alright. No damage done.

Castiel reached across the table to cover Dean’s hand with his own. “I’m sorry, Dean. Are you okay?”

Dean nodded, locking eyes with Castiel. “Yeah, I think I am. This isn’t about me. It’s your day.”

“I can’t enjoy my day if you’re not okay.”

“I’m okay,” Dean promised, and he wasn’t lying. “Ben and I used to come here a lot.”

“Yeah, I put that together. We didn’t have to come here.”

“No, no. I wanted to bring you here. This place is important to me. I wanted to show it to you.” Dean sat up straighter, beaming. “The food here is really good. Plus, they got a new pie.”

Castiel smiled, but his eyes remained concerned. “Let me guess. They make really good burgers, Mr. Burger King?”

Dean burst into laughter. He’d almost forgotten the whole Burger King bit. “I thought you had dethroned me. You became the new Burger King after our last cook off.”

Castiel shrugged, withdrawing his hand. “I can give you back the title if it makes you happy.”

That was just like Castiel, selfless and kind. 

Tessa returned with their waters and asked them if they were ready to order. Dean knew exactly what he wanted, and when he looked at Castiel, he just motioned for Dean to go ahead.

“We’ll take two bacon cheeseburgers with fries,” Dean said, excitedly. “Oh, and a strawberry milkshake for me, and a chocolate one for my awesome friend.”

Tessa looked at Castiel to make sure the order was correct, but Castiel simply nodded, staring at Dean with a soft smile. “Coming right up.”

“I thought you were excited about the pie,” Castiel said.

“I am,” Dean said. “What, you think ‘cause I’m having a milkshake I won’t be getting the pie? You underestimate me.”

Castiel laughed. “Fair enough.”

Dean leaned in. “So. Thirty-four. Brand new year. You got any goals?”

Castiel hummed in thought, his eyes squinting. “I want to get my book finished, so I can get it to my editor already. I want to go on more walks with you, Claire, and Dandy. I want to read more books and watch more terrible movies with you. I would also like a tattoo.”

Now that was completely unexpected. And very interesting. “A tattoo? I never thought that you, Castiel James Novak, would be into tattoos. Wait, you don’t already have a hidden tattoo on one of your ass cheeks, do you?”

Remaining serious, Castiel raised an eyebrow. “Don’t I?”

Dean gasped dramatically. He’d learned a lot from watching _Dr. Sexy_. “Cas. Do you really have an ass tattoo?” Dean leaned in even closer, and whispered, “Of what?”

But Castiel broke into a gummy smile, giving up the fight. “It’s not on my ass cheek. It’s on my lower back.”

Even better. “You have a tramp stamp? Oh, my God. All this time, I’ve been living with a stranger. Is this why you refused to change in front of me when we went camping? What else have you been hiding from me?”

“Okay, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s just a tattoo of my favorite book quote: So it goes.”

“Kurt Vonnegut?” Dean’s voice was high pitched with disbelief. “You like Vonnegut? Dude, I fucking love him. _Slaughterhouse-Five_ is one of my all time favorite books. So it goes, huh? That’s a fucking awesome quote.”

Castiel looked down at his hands on the table. “I read _Slaughterhouse-Five_ as a teenager. An angsty teenager, mind you. It was exactly the book I needed at the time. Every time something terrible happened, the phrase ‘So it goes’ was there to remind me that life keeps going, no matter how much tragedy strikes. Death isn’t the end for people because they still exist in other time periods. Those three words resonated with me because, at the time, I’d needed a reminder that my problems were not going to bring me down. So it goes. Life goes on, and so do I.”

When Dean had read the book, he’d needed that reminder, too. “I felt the same way with that book, Cas. That is so badass. I love that you got that tattoo. You should let me see it sometime.” It was only after he’d said it that Dean realized it sounded like a come on.

Castiel didn’t seem bothered by it, though. “Maybe someday.”

“Now you gotta tell me, what is this new tattoo gonna be?”

“I want Claire’s name over my heart.”

“That sounds perfect. Let’s go do it tonight.”

“What?”

“Yeah, why not? It’ll be my birthday gift for you.” Dean had also given Castiel a mint plant—Dean promised to keep it alive for him—and a scrapbook full of Claire’s pictures earlier in the day.

Castiel looked like he wanted to argue, but he couldn’t come up with a good enough reason. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

“Hell yeah!”

Tessa came back with their food and milkshakes, and she left after promising Dean she’d already saved him a piece of pie.

“Someone’s special,” Castiel said, smirking as he bit into a fry.

“That’s only ‘cause she doesn’t know it’s your birthday.”

“Don’t you dare tell anyone it’s my birthday. I don’t want any attention.”

Castiel had that in common with Amelia. Neither of them liked being the center of attention, even on birthdays or parties. Dean respected that, so he gave Castiel his word that he wouldn’t tell anyone.

They ate their food. Dean was glad that Castiel seemed really into his burger because they were really great burgers. One of the best things about Castiel was that he never finished all his fries, so Dean switched his empty plate for Castiel’s and ate the rest of his fries. Halfway through their milkshakes, they also switched them out because chocolate and strawberry went really well together.

“Beers or tattoo first?” Dean asked, slurping the last of the chocolate milkshake.

“Hmm. I say we get the beers first,” Castiel said. “It’s always nice to not be completely sober while getting a needle in you.”

Dean nodded, trying to reach for the rest of the strawberry milkshake, but Castiel slapped his hand away, sipping it himself. “You’re probably right about that.”

“Then let’s get some beers.”

After getting the check, Dean drove them to the Roadhouse. The bar was packed, but they made their way to the bar, sliding in between two occupied seats. Ellen was behind the counter, and she approached them as soon as she spotted them.

“What a nice surprise,” Ellen said, smiling. “I didn’t expect to see you boys here today.”

Dean had to remind himself not to tell her it was Castiel’s birthday. “We’re on our first night out since Claire was born, so it’s kind of a special occasion.”

Ellen raised an eyebrow at Dean. “You staying out of trouble?”

The last time Dean had been here, he’d made a total fool of himself in front of Ellen, so he didn’t blame her for asking that question. But he was relieved when Castiel answered.

“Dean has been staying entirely out of trouble. I think I’m a good influence on him.” Castiel bumped his shoulder against Dean’s, making him smile. “Can we get two House beers please?”

“You sure can,” Ellen said, returning with two opened bottles. 

“Thanks, Ellen,” Dean said, taking a big sip. This was the first beer he’d had in months, and it tasted glorious.

Castiel lifted his beer. “Let’s drink to tonight. I’m having a great time with you.”

Dean chuckled, lightly clinking his beer against Castiel’s. “To tonight.”

They drank together, staring at each other. Taking a night off from looking after Claire didn’t mean that they knew how to stop talking about Claire. They couldn’t stop sharing stories about the adorable things Claire had done recently, like giggling after she farted. That had been Dean’s favorite by far. Claire also got angry sometimes, especially when she didn’t get her bottle right at the instant she requested it, which was only because they had to prepare the bottle for a few seconds. She would make the cutest little pout and get this tiny line in between her eyebrows. Dean thought she’d gotten her short temper from Castiel, who didn’t find that so funny as he narrowed his eyes at Dean before sipping his beer again.

They’d been drinking slowly because they were going to drink responsibly tonight. It had been almost an hour since they’d started, and Castiel was only on his second beer. Dean had asked for a Coke after his first and only beer, and they had finally found a pair of high stools to sit on.

Dean had noticed the beautiful brunette in the short blue dress looking at them a few times, but he’d put her out of his mind. She was definitely interested in Castiel by the way she kept staring at his profile and biting her lip. Dean hadn’t thought about Castiel dating again, but he imagined it would eventually happen. It would be strange, of course. Dean had only ever seen Castiel with Amelia, and they had been so perfect together. Trying to picture Castiel with anyone else just didn’t feel right. 

Dean tried to convince himself that the unpleasantness he felt wasn’t because he wanted Castiel in the same way that the woman still eyeing him did. 

“What is it?” Castiel asked, staring at Dean after he’d been sitting quietly for a few minutes.

Dean shook his head, but when he looked back up at Castiel, he saw that the woman was now walking steadily towards him. “Incoming.”

“What?” Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. When the woman stood right beside him at the counter and said a quick greeting, Castiel turned to look at her, eyebrows raised. “Oh, hello.”

The woman was pretty, and she looked nice enough. If Castiel wanted to cut their evening short to hook up with her, Dean wouldn’t blame him. Dean had noticed that Castiel wasn’t wearing his wedding ring anymore, which might be why the woman hadn’t backed off when she got close to him. Dean was prepared to be Castiel’s wingman. He was willing to do whatever made Castiel happy, his own feelings be damned.

“I’m Julia,” she said, shaking his hand.

“Castiel,” he said, clearing his throat, before leaning his body towards Dean. “And this is Dean.”

“What brings you here tonight?” Julia asked in a smooth voice.

Castiel smiled, finally understanding that the woman was flirting with him when she touched his arm. Castiel turned his head to look at Dean and away from Julia, and then he widened his eyes at Dean in a silent cry for help. “Uh, I’m just on a fun night out with... uh, with….” Castiel trailed off, tugging on the neck of his shirt.

Dean knew the right thing to do would be to jump in and introduce himself as Castiel’s friend to make his life a whole lot easier. But Dean wasn’t too sure that he wanted to be Castiel’s wingman anymore. Besides, an awkward and flustered Castiel was quite a sight.

Castiel finally got out the words he’d been desperately searching for. “I’m actually here with my boyfriend.”

_Excuse me, what?_

Julia raised her eyebrows, looking from Castiel to Dean. “Really?”

_Dear God_. Playing along, Dean said, “That’s right. I’m his boyfriend. We’re just a couple of boyfriends out on a date, or whatever. We live together, but we still choose to hang out with each other most of the time. Whenever I think I’m getting sick of him, I just look at that handsome face of his and I’m back in. So, there you go.”

Castiel nodded along to everything Dean said. “Yes, exactly. We’ve been boyfriends for a long time now. We’re just so happy together. Tonight we’re getting matching tattoos. I’m getting mine on my right ass cheek.”

Dean spluttered, spitting out the Coke he’d just sipped. Then he slapped Castiel’s arm. “ _Honey_ , maybe we shouldn’t share such personal details with strangers.”

“Oh, _muffin_ , don’t get all shy on me.” Castiel gave Dean a look before he threw Julia a wide grin. He knew exactly what he was doing. “I’m tattooing his name there. I want the entire world to know that Dean owns my ass.”

“That’s so sweet,” Julia said, a hand to her heart.

Castiel looked amused. “Isn’t it?”

“I should have known,” Julia said. “You two look really sweet together. Can I buy you boys another drink?”

Castiel lifted his beer. “That’s very kind of you, but I think we’re okay.”

Julia seemed to get the hint, and she made her escape after saying goodbye. 

Dean was already smiling at Castiel when he looked at him. “I own your ass?”

Castiel fluttered his eyelashes. “You know my ass is all yours, muffin.”

Dean threw his head back in laughter and Castiel laughed along with him. “You couldn’t just say you weren’t interested? You had to drag me into it?”

“Sorry.” Castiel shrugged. “I’ve never been good at social interactions, much less when it comes to romance.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty obvious.”

“Thank you for playing along. You’re a good friend.”

Dean threw a hand over Castiel’s shoulders, pressing a wet kiss to his stubbly cheek. “Anything for my _boyfriend_. Are you ready for your tattoo?”

Castiel downed the rest of his beer, sighed, and said, “I’m ready.” 

“You know you’re gonna have to get a tattoo of my name on your right ass cheek now, don’t you?”

Castiel nodded solemnly. “I’d be honored to have your name there permanently.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear. Let’s go.”

They drove with the windows rolled down and the wind hitting their faces as the fancy pop song Castiel had put on the radio played loudly. It sounded like an 80’s song, but Castiel said it was a new song from The Weeknd. Dean had no idea who The Weeknd was, but the song was actually good. It was a cold night, but the beer he’d drank had warmed his blood, and Dean felt giddy with excitement. Maybe he’d get a tattoo himself. Dean wished he felt enough of a father to get Ben and Claire’s names tattooed over his heart, but he didn’t feel like he had the right to do that. He did have another idea for a tattoo he could get.

The angel in Castiel’s book finally had a name: Michael. And the man had been named Emmanuel. Dean had never stopped reading that book, not even when he didn’t have enough energy to get out of bed, or eat, or work. Reading Castiel’s book had always been a nice escape from reality. Dean had never gotten tired of reading about those two characters, both broken in their own way, but never alone because they knew they could count on each other.

Dean knew exactly what tattoo he wanted.

When they got to the tattoo parlor, Castiel picked out a font he liked and went into a room with a heavily tattooed bald man. Dean’s tattoo artist was a heavily tattooed woman named Pam with a collection of facial piercings. She looked awesome. 

“What will you be getting?” Pam asked.

Dean asked for angel wings on his right bicep. 

When the tattoo was done, Dean couldn’t believe how good it looked. The pair of angel wings were small, but they looked amazing on his arm. Exactly how he’d always imagined The Angel’s wings in Castiel’s book to look like. Dean thanked the artist and then went to pay for both tattoos.

Castiel was already done, and he’d been waiting for him. “Dean, did you also get a tattoo?”

“Hell yeah, I did.”

“Let me see it.” 

Dean lifted his sleeve and removed the bandage to reveal the wings. The look of shock in Castiel’s face was priceless. Castiel was speechless for a few moments, staring at the wings like he couldn’t really believe they were there, forever on Dean’s skin. 

“I told you I loved that angel you wrote,” Dean said.

“I can’t believe you did this.” Castiel finally lifted his eyes to look into Dean’s. “I didn’t know my story meant that much to you.”

“Well, it did. And now I get to remember it forever.”

Castiel pulled Dean into his arms, only to hiss in pain, pulling away after a couple of seconds. “Shit. It still stings.”

“Can I see it?”

Castiel lowered the neck of his shirt, removing his own bandage to show _Claire_ in elegant cursive written on his chest, right above his heart. “Do you like it?”

“I love it. Happy birthday, Cas.”

“This has been one of my favorite birthdays.” Castiel took Dean’s hand, squeezing it. “Let’s go home now. I miss Claire.”

“I miss her, too. I don’t know how we made it this long without her.”

“I’m amazed at our self-control, actually.”

“Me too. We should get a fucking medal.”

And so, Dean drove them back home to Claire, who was already asleep in her crib, but that didn’t stop either of them from staring lovingly at her for a long time. 

Everything was right in the world when Dean got to come home to his family.


	4. Part 4: Falling

_“You know me the best._

_You know my worst, see me hurt, but you don't judge._

_That, right there, is the scariest feeling._

_Opening and closing up again._

_I've been hurt so I don't trust._

_Now here we are, staring at the ceiling.”_

  
-Why Don’t We, **8 Letters**

**Castiel**

A puff of mist that smelled of peppermint came out of the lit up essential oil diffuser on the wooden table between Castiel and Jody. It was kind of Jody to make sure the thing was always on and smelling of peppermint every time Castiel had an appointment with her. Castiel had found that the minty scent calmed him down.

Castiel liked Jody. He’d been seeing her for a few weeks now, and he’d felt the improvement in his life so far. Sleeping had become significantly easier, though it wasn’t perfect. There were still nights when Castiel couldn’t sleep at all, but those days became scarce the more time passed. Those nights happened maybe once or twice a week now, rather than four or five times. That had made a huge difference in his productivity. Castiel felt more alive and energized and it helped him be more present with Claire, as well as focusing more on his book which was on its way to getting completely finished. It would still be about a year before it went to print, but that was the easy part. Writing and rewriting and rewriting was the real nightmare.

“I see that you’re no longer wearing your wedding ring,” Jody said.

Instinctively, Castiel touched his bare fourth finger on his left hand. “I’m not.” 

Castiel stared at his hand for a long, quiet moment.

“Would you like to talk about that?” Jody prompted.

Castiel sighed. “It wasn’t on purpose, at first. I think I removed it before I got some cleaning done around the house, but...then I never put it back on.” He shifted on the couch, feeling suddenly self-conscious. “I don’t know if I should feel guilty for not wearing it anymore.” He looked up at Jody. “It’s only been three months since Amelia passed away. Do you think I’m disrespecting her?”

Jody smiled one of her kind smiles. “Of course you’re not disrespecting her. You can’t hold onto the ghost of your wife forever, Castiel. It’s healthy to find small ways of moving on. If you keep clinging to the past, you won’t be able to see your future clearly.”

“What should I hope for when it comes to my future? I’m not entirely sure. To be honest, I’m a bit frightened to plan too far ahead. I know how unpredictable life can be, so I’d rather live one day at a time.”

Jody nodded. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with living one day at a time. But you should still have a vague idea of goals you’d like to accomplish in your future. You have your daughter to think about, for example.”

“Yes, I do. I want to be there for her. I want to be the best version of myself for her. I owe it to Claire and Amelia.”

“Well, you _have_ been working hard on improving yourself. I’m well aware of that. I know how hard you work every week to get everything done. You’ve been doing your meditations at night before going to bed in order to sleep. You’ve been working hard on your book. You’ve been working alongside Dean to take care of Claire.”

Castiel smiled at the mention of Dean. “Dean has made my life so much easier. He’s always there when I need him. He’s an incredible dad to Claire.” Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m not sure that he realizes he’s as much Claire’s father as I am. I think he’s afraid to believe that because of everything that happened with Ben.”

“That might take some time to set in,” Jody agreed. “Have you talked to him about how you feel about him? Have you told him that you see him as Claire’s dad?”

Castiel would be lying if he said he wasn’t afraid to have that conversation with Dean. Yes, it was true that Dean had become an essential part of Castiel’s life. Castiel couldn’t imagine his life without Dean anymore. And he saw Dean as Claire’s father, not as her uncle. But telling Dean all of these things was terrifying. What if Dean felt tied down to them if Castiel brought it up? What if Dean felt like he could never fall in love again because he felt forced to be with Castiel and Claire? Castiel would never forgive himself if he stopped Dean from living his life.

“No, I haven’t,” Castiel finally answered. “I’m afraid that would become a burden for him. I don’t want him to feel burdened because of us.”

“Keeping open lines of communication is important, especially with someone as important to you as Dean. You should talk to him about the way you’re feeling.”

“Dean _is_ very important. I don’t want to lose him. He’s been my rock.”

“All the more reason to be open with him.”

Castiel shifted on the couch again. “I am open with him in many ways. I’ve opened up to him a lot, especially in the past few months. I only ever allow myself to break down in front of him. Dean makes me feel safe and happy. Having him in my life is wonderful.”

“That’s great. You deserve to have someone who makes you feel safe and happy in your life.”

“And I think Dean feels the same way about me,” Castiel said, the realization setting in the same comforting way that you fall into bed after a long, exhausting day. Castiel couldn’t help but smile, allowing himself to hope that the sentiment truly went both ways. 

It was easy to believe that. Castiel had always felt a strong connection with Dean, but recently, that connection had become even stronger. It was the reason why Castiel had asked Dean to move into his house. But the motivation behind that decision wasn’t only so that Dean could continue helping him with Claire. At least, that wasn’t the main reason why Castiel wanted him near. It was because Dean made Castiel feel complete. After losing Amelia, Castiel had thought that he would never feel like himself again. But being with Dean was so easy, so familiar, that Castiel couldn’t let him go. 

“I just...I worry about the day Dean falls in love and leaves,” Castiel said it like it was a confession to a priest, something sinful because of the selfishness behind it. “It’s a stupid thing to worry about because Dean was never mine to begin with. It’s not like I’d be losing him. I wouldn’t be losing him, would I?”

“Has Dean ever told you that he’ll leave your house the moment he’s in a new relationship?” Jody countered.

Castiel sighed. “No. Actually, Dean keeps saying he won’t ever fall in love again. The other night he even mentioned some _cute_ guy that flirts with him, but he refuses to do anything about it.” Castiel looked away, hating the bitterness in his tone. It became unbearable to keep looking Jody in the eye, so instead he focused on the wall behind her. “In order to be completely honest, I should say that I absolutely hate the thought of Dean ever getting in another relationship. I’ve tried to rationalize this, but it’s pointless denying my own selfishness.”

“What do you mean exactly?”

Castiel ran a hand through his hair. “I’m being irrationally selfish by wanting to keep Dean at my side, in my house, for the rest of my life. I don’t want Dean to ever look at anyone else with romantic interest because that would mean that Dean would...stop looking at me the same way.” 

_No, that can’t be right. Dean and I are just friends. What the hell am I saying?_

Castiel let out a desperate groan. “I’m not making any sense, am I?”

Jody smiled again. “I think you’re making great sense. It seems like you’re close to figuring out the real issue behind this particular concern. Castiel, have you asked yourself why you keep worrying about Dean falling in love with someone?”

“Like I said, I’m selfish.” Castiel swallowed. “I want Dean’s attention, his company, his affection, his comfort. If Dean is with someone else, then I will lose all of that. But I’m his friend. I have no right to ask for Dean to put me first. Fuck, I’m awful, aren’t I? What kind of friend am I? Dean has sacrificed so much to take care of me and Claire, and I’m repaying him by wanting him to stay with me instead of wanting him to find love.”

“You’re not selfish for wanting all of those things from Dean, Castiel,” Jody said calmly. “We humans crave attention, company, affection, and comfort from other humans. It’s why we develop close relationships. But it sounds to me like you’re trying to avoid the obvious reason why you might be feeling this so-called selfishness in regards to him.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “I am?” 

“Are you aware that the selfishness you’re describing could also be called jealousy?”

Castiel grimaced. “Do you think I’m jealous? Who would I be jealous of? Dean is single. There’s no one for me to be jealous of.” Castiel narrowed his eyes. “Has Dean mentioned being interested in someone to you?”

Jody gave him a knowing glance. “See what I mean? There doesn’t need to be anyone in particular in order to feel jealousy. Besides, I’ve mentioned before that I’m not allowed to discuss with you anything that I’ve discussed with Dean, and vice versa.” Jody sighed. “Castiel, you’re jealous of someone who doesn’t exist in Dean’s life yet. You’re jealous of anyone who might catch Dean’s attention long before it even happens.”

Jealousy. Castiel had never been much of a jealous person. He’d never had reason to be jealous in the past. But he had to admit that the selfishness he felt towards Dean could be translated into jealousy of whomever Dean decided to engage with romantically. Thinking back on everything that had happened lately, it was so obvious. Castiel wasn’t sure that he could bear seeing Dean kissing another person. It was unacceptable. But there was longing inside Castiel when he considered how he would feel if _he_ got to kiss Dean. A thousand sparks went off at the mere thought of him getting to have Dean so close, his hot breath against his cheek right before he leaned in and kissed him. This wonderful feeling ended when Castiel considered that Dean might want to spend his life with anyone other than him, that Dean might never want to kiss Castiel. Maybe there was some selfishness in there too, but there was also definitely jealousy.

_Oh God_.

Castiel blinked, staring at Jody for a long moment. “What does this mean? Why am I so jealous? When did this happen? How long have I been harboring romantic feelings for Dean?”

Jody leaned forward in her seat. “Castiel, you should try to relax. You’ve just had a breakthrough and it might be difficult to take it all in at once. Have some water and breathe deeply in and out.”

After a lot of water and deep breathing, Castiel’s brain could function again. And his mind was back on the realization that he wanted far more than friendship from Dean. But how deep did his desire for Dean go? Castiel hadn’t really thought about that. It would be so easy, though, falling in love with Dean. The fact that Dean was a man couldn’t even be taken into account because Castiel had always been open to falling for a person of any gender. Castiel already had a physical closeness with Dean. Holding Dean’s hand was lovely. Kissing the side of Dean’s face or the top of his head was second nature now. Having Dean in his arms had never felt so right. Castiel would be honored to fall in love with Dean Winchester. 

_Should he_ , though? That was the real question.

“Am I setting myself up for disappointment, Jody?” Castiel asked. “Why did I set my eyes on my best friend of all people?”

Jody had that patient look in her eyes that always helped ground Castiel. “You don’t often choose who you love.”

Castiel fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. “I know that I’m attracted to him, but I don’t know if I’m in love with him.” Was he? How would he know? This was all too much to process. “If I ever did fall for Dean, and those feelings were not reciprocated, our friendship would be damaged, if not ruined. And I would never forgive myself for that.”

“That’s a fair concern to have. Now that you know the truth behind your feelings, we can work on exploring these issues.”

Castiel worried his bottom lip. He let out a long, shaky breath before a smile won over his face. “I have no idea what I’m going to do about any of this. All I know is that it would be so nice if Dean felt the same way about me.” Castiel leaned his head back against the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’ll never be able to get this off my mind.”

“Well, you’re not alone. I will be here to help you work through everything.”

Castiel sat up straight, glancing back at Jody with a soft smile. “Thank you, Jody. I know I can always count on you.”

A few days later, Castiel found himself in Dean’s garage with Claire strapped in a baby carrier over his torso. Claire loved being carried this way so she could see everything and everyone. Dean was on the floor, under the hood of his Impala. Now that he had some of the starting pieces, he’d finally gotten around to working on it. Castiel was glad that he’d made some progress on it because, no matter what Dean said, Castiel knew he really missed that car.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said, going to stand by Dean’s feet.

“Cas?” Dean asked, though his voice was muffled. When Dean rolled out from under the hood, he was covered in grease from head to toes. On his face, where his freckles were mostly hidden behind the black smears. How was it possible that Dean made grease look good?

Ever since Castiel had had his breakthrough with Jody and came to terms with his deeply buried romantic feelings for Dean, Castiel had been an awkward mess around Dean. At first, he hadn’t been sure how to face Dean knowing that he wanted to kiss him so badly it hurt. The desire to kiss Dean hadn’t disappeared, but at least now Castiel knew how to keep the feeling at bay. Castiel didn’t want to make a move on Dean before being certain that Dean liked Castiel in the same way. Their friendship was the most important thing to Castiel, so he had to tread lightly.

That being said, having Dean in front of him looking gorgeously tan, wearing a tight black shirt that showcased his biceps beautifully wasn’t helping Castiel in the matter.

Dean was on his feet now, using a red bandana from his back pocket to wipe the sweat from his forehead. As his arm reached up, his black shirt lifted, revealing the skin of his left hip. Castiel’s eyes trailed down, wondering just how sensitive that skin really was for Dean before glancing back up to meet Dean’s gaze. It occurred to Castiel that Dean’s eyes were a gorgeous emerald green. How had he not noticed before? _Had_ he noticed before how lost he could get in them?

“Hi, baby girl,” Dean said, smiling at Claire, who was already smiling at him. Claire was reaching her hands out, wanting to be carried by Dean, but Dean frowned. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m all gross right now. I can’t carry you.”

“It’s alright,” Castiel said, his throat suddenly a little dry. “We just wanted to say hi while you worked on the Impala. Having fun?”

Dean let out a long breath. “Yeah, it’s been a lot of work, and there’s still a lot to be done. Good thing is the engine is salvageable.”

“Oh, good.” Castiel remembered he was holding two cold water bottles in his hands, and offered one to Dean. “I thought you might be thirsty. It’s getting hot out, isn’t it?”

“It’s winter, Cas.”

Castiel let out a strange sound that was meant to be laughter. “Right. Yeah, we’re still in winter, aren’t we? I must have forgotten.” 

_Way to be smooth, Castiel._

Dean grinned, taking the water and gulping down half of it in one go. 

Castiel found himself staring at the movement in Dean’s throat, and at his eager lips around the bottle. Feeling thirsty himself, Castiel sipped his own water, too. It was ridiculous to feel so flustered over watching someone drinking water, wasn’t it? Well, that was where Castiel was currently in regards to Dean. 

“You okay?” Dean asked, tightening the cap on the bottle.

“Yes,” Castiel said, quickly. “Why do you ask?”

Dean shrugged easily. “You were staring at me a little weird. You got something on your mind?”

_You. I only have you in my mind lately_. “Oh, you know, just…” Castiel trailed off, hoping Dean would continue speaking so he wouldn’t be forced to finish that sentence.”

Fortunately, Dean did carry on. “I was thinking about tomorrow, actually.”

Castiel tilted his head. “What’s tomorrow?”

“Valentine’s Day.”

Shit. It was Valentine’s Day tomorrow? Castiel hadn’t been to any stores lately, otherwise he would have been flooded with the reminders of the holiday. Why was Dean bringing it up, though? 

_Oh no._

Castiel swallowed, filled with the jealousy that had been tormenting him recently. “Do you...do you have a date or something?”

“Nah, nothing like that,” Dean said, and Castiel was instantly relieved. “I was thinking we could do something fun together.” Dean smiled, wagging his eyebrows. “That is, unless _you_ happened to find yourself a hot date?”

Castiel actually blushed. Dear God, he was a fucking teenager. “No, of course not. I would love to do something with you. What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I was thinking about making some sushi at the house, and then eating a lot of heart-shaped chocolate in front of the TV. We could watch a dumb romcom, too. You know, to make fun of it.”

That sounded like a lovely plan. Dean had actually decided to spend Valentine’s Day with Castiel rather than finding himself a date. Castiel didn’t want to read too much into it, but the sentiment was sweet nonetheless. Maybe Castiel shouldn’t feel hopeful that Dean might also be harboring more than friendly feelings for him because of this small gesture, but his hopes had already skyrocketed.

“I’m in,” Castiel said.

“Awesome.” Dean beamed, like Castiel agreeing to that plan had made Dean’s day. Then he looked back at Claire. “And you will be our guest of honor, baby girl.”

Claire let out a loud giggle as soon as Dean gave her a little attention. Castiel took one of her hands in his and pressed his lips to the top of her head. 

“She’s excited,” Castiel said.

“Hell yeah, she is. It’s her first Valentine’s Day. We gotta make it a good one.” 

“Well, we’ll leave you to keep working,” Castiel said, since Claire’s legs were kicking excitedly the more she was around Dean. “I was thinking about making beef and broccoli for dinner. Does that sound good?”

“Oh, man, you make the best beef and broccoli. I can’t wait.”

Castiel smiled, taking a couple of steps backwards. “Alright. Well, I’ll see you later. Don’t be late. I’ll be—I’ll be waiting.” Castiel resisted the urge to roll his eyes at himself for stumbling over his words. 

Dean laughed. “I won’t keep you waiting long. I’m working up a real appetite today.”

Castiel ran a hand through his hair, just for something to do with his hand. “Okay. Um, bye, Dean.”

“Bye, weirdo.” Dean stood there, giving Castiel a funny look the more Castiel walked backwards. It was until Castiel nearly crashed against the trash can bin that he turned around and walked forwards again, shaking his head from embarrassment. 

Dean made Castiel behave like a teenager with a crush, and it was resulting to be just as humiliating as being in high school all over again.

The following day, Castiel spent an hour carefully picking out his outfit. Castiel knew it was stupid to dress up for Valentine’s Day, even though Dean wanted to do something nice together. They weren’t going on a date. All they were doing was having dinner at home, and then watching a romantic comedy. That wasn’t a date.

Right?

It didn’t matter really, because despite how attracted Castiel was to Dean, he had no idea if Dean found Castiel slightly attractive. Castiel was a recently widowed, single father who wrote books for a living. That wouldn’t be attractive to anyone, much less Dean. But that didn’t stop Castiel from trying to look good today, hoping that maybe Dean would pay him a bit of attention.

In the end, Castiel settled for dark jeans, and a white shirt under a blue cashmere sweater. Castiel also sprayed some of his favorite minty cologne on himself, brushing a hand through his hair because he knew Dean liked it a little messy. Castiel rolled his eyes as he stood in front of the mirror for the tenth time, puffing out his breath because he was being silly. This was just a regular dinner with Dean, his best friend, on Valentine’s Day. Nothing else.

Claire was fussing in her bassinet, so Castiel picked her up, handing her the rattle that she loved so much. Claire shook it a couple of times before she tossed it to the ground, unamused. Clearly, she was done trying to entertain herself.

“Are you hungry, sweetheart?” Castiel asked, and Claire looked up at the sound of his voice, placing a tiny hand on Castiel’s cheek. Castiel smiled. “Your dad will be home soon. I’m sure you miss him. I miss him, too.”

Just then, the front door opened, and Dean stepped through, holding a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a bouquet of red roses. Upon seeing him, Claire wiggled all her limbs excitedly, reaching her arms out towards Dean.

“Hello, my two favorite people,” Dean said, smiling widely as he walked towards them. Dean traded the bouquet of roses and chocolates for Claire, taking her in his arms and showering her face with kisses. “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby girl.” Dean looked at Castiel, his eyes bright, before he leaned in to kiss Castiel’s cheek. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Castiel said. He lifted up the flowers to smell them, and Castiel was reminded how much he liked roses. “Are these for me?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, and then hesitated. “Well, they’re for you and Claire. I stopped by the store to pick up the chocolates, but then I saw the roses and I couldn’t resist.”

Castiel had to admit that he felt disappointed by the fact that the roses weren’t really for him. At least, they weren’t a romantic gesture. But that was alright because this wasn’t a date. They weren’t really celebrating Valentine’s Day. They were just having dinner at home with Claire. “I’ll go put them in water.” After cutting the bottom tips and thorns off the roses, Castiel put them in a vase with water and set them on the table. They were so pretty that Castiel couldn’t help taking a picture of them with his phone. Castiel opened the box of chocolates and took two pieces before closing it again, putting them next to the roses.

Dean was on the couch with Claire sitting happily on his lap as he told her about his day. It was the sweetest thing, listening to Dean talking Claire like he believed she could fully understand him. “What did you do all day with Dad, baby girl? Did he take you for a walk with Dandy?”

Dandy wagged her tail from her place on the other couch once she heard her name. Castiel pet her head as he walked past her to sit beside Dean. With his clean hand, he tossed one of the chocolates in his mouth and placed the other one on the edge of Dean’s mouth, watching closely as Dean sucked in the chocolate and chewed on it. Castiel forced himself to tear his gaze away from Dean’s lips, clearing his throat.

“We did go for a walk in the morning after you left for work,” Castiel said. “It was a nice walk, but I think Claire prefers it when you join us.”

Dean smiled, lifting Claire up. “You guys missed me today? Yeah?”

Claire giggled as Dean kissed her face again. 

Dean sat Claire back down on his lap, and Claire made herself comfortable there, sitting still as she looked up at Dean, who was now looking at Castiel. Dean narrowed his eyes. “You look different. Is that a new sweater?”

“I didn’t think you’d notice.”

“It’s nice. Brings out your eyes.” Dean leaned closer, sniffing near his neck. “You smell good, too. Minty.”

Castiel hoped that Dean didn’t put together that all of the effort Castiel had put into himself today was because of Dean. Castiel raised an eyebrow. “Are you saying I usually don’t smell good?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I didn’t say that. You always smell good. There’s just something a little bit different about you today. I like it.”

“You do?”

“Hell yeah.” Dean held Castiel’s gaze, smiling with his eyes as much as with his mouth. “I should get started on dinner. I’ve only made sushi once before, so the earlier I get started, the better. Just in case we need to order a pizza last minute.”

“I believe in you.”

“Thanks.” Dean gave Claire back to Castiel, bending down to plant a big kiss on the top of her head before heading to the kitchen.

Castiel let out a long sigh as he watched Dean go, trying hard not to stare at Dean’s ass but failing miserably. He brushed back Claire’s thin blonde hair. “Your dad is very handsome. It’s unfair.”

When dinner was ready—Dean proudly informed Castiel that the sushi had turned out great—they sat at the table to eat. Claire had fallen asleep after Castiel gave her a bottle, so she was in her crib. 

Castiel took a bite, and it was delicious. “Are you sure you didn’t buy this? It tastes way too good.”

Dean gave him a look. “Hey, I’m a good cook. Shut up.”

That was true. Dean was an excellent cook. But Castiel liked to tease him. “Well, you never fail to surprise me, Dean.”

Dean grinned down at his plate. He always got shy with compliments. “So, what romcom are we watching after dinner?”

Castiel hadn’t thought about that. He’d spent his day trying to look and smell good. “Whatever you want. I’ve never been much of a romcom fan.”

“I find that hard to believe. You’re such a romantic.”

_You’re the one who brought flowers home_. “We could watch _My Bloody Valentine_. It’s on theme.”

“That’s a horror movie, not a romcom.” Dean sipped his drink. “Why don’t we watch _The Wedding Singer_? Can’t beat Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in 80’s fashion.”

“I’ve never seen that.”

Dean gaped at him, mouth full of sushi. “Are you serious? _The Wedding Singer?_ Cas.”

Castiel laughed. “What? You know I mostly watch horror. More recently, I also got into medical dramas, but you already knew that, too.”

“That’s it. We’re watching _The Wedding Singer_.” It should be gross seeing Dean speaking with a mouth full, but it was endearing as fuck. When he took another piece of sushi in his mouth and his cheeks puffed out as he chewed, Castiel could do nothing but sit and stare. Dean ate like a squirrel. “What?”

Castiel had been caught staring. He shook his head, looking back at his plate. “Nothing. I was just thinking about squirrels.”

“Squirrels?” 

“Never mind.”

Dean grinned. “How’s the book going, by the way? I was meaning to ask.”

Castiel sighed. Rewriting was never really as fun as writing the story for the first time without worrying about anything other than putting words down. “It’s going. I should be completely done by the end of next week, maybe. If I don’t get too distracted.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault that you let me distract you so easily. I’ll try not to go into your office from now on.”

Castiel didn’t really mind Dean’s distractions. While Castiel worked, he often went into his office alone while Dean looked after Claire. But since Castiel’s writing time happened after Dean got off work, Dean liked to step into Castiel’s office with Claire in his arms, pacing the room while telling Castiel about his day. Sometimes, Dean would even bring snacks so they could eat and talk. During this time, Castiel wouldn’t get any work done, but he did get to enjoy Dean’s company, so he couldn’t complain. The distractions were delightful, especially when Dean would sit on the edge of Castiel’s desk and play with Castiel’s hand distractedly as he told him about some of the interesting cars he was working on at Bobby’s garage. The gesture was intimate and exciting. And it was probably a good sign that Dean didn’t like being away from Castiel for too long because Castiel felt the same way. 

Castiel shrugged. “You can distract me.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “No, you can’t say that because I’ll really do it, and then your book will never get done, and you’ll blame me.”

“I wouldn’t blame my muse, would I?”

Dean smiled. He loved being called Castiel’s muse. And it was true, Dean was his muse. “Well, I’ll still try not to get in your way too much now that I know you’re almost done. It’s just that my work days are so long, and I always have so much to tell you when I get home. I never really…” Dean looked away. “Lisa never really liked listening to me talk about my day.”

Castiel hated the sorrowful look in Dean’s eyes whenever he brought up Lisa. Castiel had hated it even more when Dean compared him to Lisa, even though he knew that Dean hadn’t meant it in a bad way. But Castiel wished that Dean would never have to think about Lisa again. Castiel would make sure that no one ever hurt Dean again, not if he could help it. He leaned forward, placing his hand over Dean’s on the table. Dean turned his hand palm up, and he started playing with Castiel’s hand again, fingers grazing his softly. Castiel didn’t think Dean knew how much he liked it when he did that. “You can distract me.”

The answering wide smile Dean gave him was enough to melt Castiel. He wished he could kiss Dean’s smile. Instead, he smiled back at him, continuing to eat with his one free hand, unable to withdraw the hand Dean was still touching. These sweet moments meant more to Castiel than Dean would probably ever know, but that was okay. For now.

After dinner, they moved over to the couch. Castiel sat between Dean and Dandy as Dean hit play on the movie. Castiel had long ago stopped caring what Dean made him watch. Spending time pressed up against Dean on the couch was all Castiel could ever focus on anymore. But Dean kept looking at him during the movie to gauge his reactions. Castiel liked that about Dean, that he always wanted to know Castiel’s reactions to everything. 

Halfway through the movie, Castiel wrapped his arm around Dean, pulling him close. Dean burrowed into his side, leaning completely against him, which made Castiel entirely giddy. Dean grabbed Castiel’s hand and pressed it up against his chest, and Castiel grinned. 

Castiel was sure that loving Dean could be beautiful.

Would Dean want that? Would Dean want Castiel to fall in love with him? Would he be alright with their friendship becoming more than platonic? There were a lot of factors to consider. But even then, Castiel knew that he’d really like to cross that friendship line someday.

Dean turned to Castiel with the brightest smile, and Castiel decided to just focus on this moment instead of worrying about the future. 

In the end, it was an excellent Valentine’s Day.

**Dean**

Time seemed to fly. February turned to March in the blink of an eye. Dean wanted to think that nothing had changed in that time, but that was probably him trying to repress reality. Things had changed. Sort of. Maybe. Possibly.

Dean was trying not to get his hopes up, but he could have sworn that Castiel was flirting with him. Not always, but sometimes. Then again, that was most likely wishful thinking. But how else could he explain all of those careful touches Castiel gave him in passing, on his lower back, arm, shoulders, and face? Dean kept trying to remember when those touches started, but he wasn’t sure he’d catalogued their beginning. All Dean knew was that they continued happening and he always leaned into every single one.

Dean became a flustered mess around Castiel if he even gave him one of his usual intense glances and soft touches. That was a deadly combination. Worst of all, Dean was becoming addicted to the attention Castiel was giving him, which tended to feel charged with something electric. This meant that, lately, Dean would seek Castiel out throughout the day just to get another touch from him. Dean had already made his peace with how pathetic that was. 

Since it was Sunday, they needed to go grocery shopping. Claire would be up from her nap any second, so Dean went looking for Castiel to remind him. That was the _only_ reason Dean went looking for Castiel. 

Dean found Castiel in the garage. Lifting weights. Shirtless. Dean’s eyes went wide as they trailed down Castiel’s sweaty body. Castiel was sitting down with a weight in each hand, quietly counting them with each lift. The muscles in his upper body were fully exposed.

Despite the A/C in the room, Dean felt immediately heated. He had not been prepared for this sight. He’d always known that Castiel lifted weights in the garage. Dean had seen Castiel go in and come out a sweaty, stunning mess. But Dean had never seen him in action. In order to not ogle his best friend during his workout, Dean decided to make his escape, but Castiel had already spotted him.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said, setting down both weights on the ground. There was an easy smile on his face. “Could you hand me that towel?”

Dean glanced over his shoulder at the towel hung on a hook by the door. He grabbed it and walked it over to Castiel, careful not to brush his hand. Dean had come in seeking Castiel’s touch, but he wasn’t sure he could bear it at the moment. He took a few steps backwards to keep a safe distance.

Castiel wiped his face and hair, but he left the soft shine on his pecs and biceps untouched. “Were you looking for me?”

“Huh?” Dean flicked his gaze from Castiel’s well-defined chest to his eyes. “Oh yeah. We gotta go buy groceries today. Not now, obviously. You should go and, uh, shower probably.”

Castiel smirked. “Do I stink?”

“No, no, no. You smell amazing. I mean, not amazing. You smell normal. Like you normally do. I should go.”

Castiel chuckled, squinting. “What’s going on with you?”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Nothing. I think it’s just a little hot in here.”

“I lowered the temperature.” Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. “You don’t feel the cool air?”

Dean felt like such an idiot. He was being so obvious about the effect Castiel had on him. It was supposed to be Dean’s secret. There was no way in hell that Dean would ever tell Castiel how much he wanted him. How he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how glorious it would be if Castiel ever considered giving Dean a chance to make him happy. But he was currently doing a terrible job of concealing his feelings.

“Don’t listen to me,” Dean said. “I should leave you to your workout.”

“I’m already done.” Castiel motioned with his hand for Dean to step closer. “Come here. I haven’t seen much of you today.”

Dean wished he was capable of resisting Castiel’s invitation, but he was so fucking weak for him at this point that he didn’t even consider it. Dean closed the distance between them and Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean’s waist, pulling him between his spread legs.

“Well, you were working on your book,” Dean said, smiling when Castiel used his free hand to play with Dean’s. Dean had actually started doing this because he craved the softness of Castiel’s hands sliding against his calloused ones. For some reason, Castiel had been really into it. “I didn’t wanna bother you.”

Castiel gave Dean a look. “I clearly remember giving you permission to distract me.”

“I know, but I figured you might finish faster without me.”

Castiel licked his lips. “I found it hard to focus because I kept thinking about you.”

Dean’s heart went wild at hearing that. Castiel was thinking about him? Dean was always only a few feet away from Castiel, but Castiel still thought about Dean when he wasn’t in the room with him. Holy shit. There weren’t butterflies in his stomach. There was an entire zoo in there.

“Really?” Dean asked.

“I think about you all the time, Dean.” Castiel swallowed. “Do you think about me?”

Dean laughed nervously. Did he think about Castiel? All the damned time. “Yeah.”

Castiel grinned. “Yeah?”

Growing bold, Dean ran his other hand through Castiel’s hair, brushing it back. “You should hop in the shower. You’re almost naked anyway.”

Castiel’s grin spread even wider. “I’m not almost naked. I’m wearing shorts.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Only shorts?”

Castiel shrugged. “Maybe.”

Dean nearly choked on his own spit. He hit his chest, coughing. “I’m alright, I’m alright.”

“Do I make you nervous?” Castiel’s arm tightened around Dean’s waist, drawing him even closer.

“Shut up.”

“That wasn’t a no.”

Dean rolled his eyes, trying to hide the truth from Castiel. Of course Castiel made Dean nervous, especially when he had him this close. Without meaning to, Dean yanked Castiel’s hair, tilting his head further up. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Castiel said. “I liked it.”

Too much. 

This was too much. Dean was going to pass out from the looks and touches and words Castiel was giving him. Dean was going to spontaneously combust from the heat in the room that was seeping deep inside him. Dean needed to run away from Castiel and this situation before he attacked those beautiful lips with his own lips.

Dean untangled himself from Castiel and took enough steps back that he hit the wall behind him. “I’m gonna go check on Claire, and then I’ll wait for you to get out of the shower so we can go get groceries.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Awesome.” 

Dean turned around and walked back into the house, and he didn’t stop until he reached the nursery. Claire was still asleep, so Dean leaned against the wall, waiting for his breathing to stabilize. 

Castiel would be the death of him.

Dean’s birthday was approaching and everyone was acting strange. March 23rd wasn’t for another week, but he was sure Castiel was planning something for him. Something suspiciously like a surprise birthday party. And as much as Castiel thought he was being sneaky, he really wasn’t. Nobody in his life knew how to be sneaky, actually.

A few weeks ago, Castiel had arrived from the store, rushing with bags into the garage, and then he told Dean not to go into the garage anymore until he cleaned it. Dean had let that one go. But then Castiel left out a list on the coffee table with the names of people Dean knew, including some of his coworkers, and that was when Dean knew that there was no getting out of this. 

Then Sam called him up to ask him what was the name of his favorite aftershave, and if he still had an unhealthy obsession with boots—which he did, but that wasn’t the point—and then asked him if he was going to buy himself a new outfit to wear for his birthday. Dean pretended to be oblivious for Castiel’s sake. He was clearly working hard on the surprise and Dean didn’t want to ruin it for him.

Apparently, Dean didn’t need to worry about buying himself a new outfit, because Castiel bought Dean a brand new green dress shirt, expensive jeans, and a new black leather jacket. And he randomly gave them to Dean two days before his birthday.

“What’s all this for?” Dean asked.

“I just thought you might want to dress up this weekend for your birthday,” Castiel said, casually. “You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to. I was hoping you, Claire, and I could just have dinner at home. What do you think?”

Right. Just the three of them. But Dean was still playing along. “Sure. That sounds great. Let’s just stay home, the three of us and Dandy.”

“Yes. Just us.”

Dean was about to take his new clothes into his room, but before he got away, Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean’s waist, pulling him in. Dean secretly loved it whenever Castiel drew him in like that, like he needed Dean desperately in his personal space. And who was Dean to deny him? 

Castiel held Dean’s gaze, with soft blue eyes that crinkled when he smiled. Then he brushed back Dean’s hair. “How was your day?”

Dean clutched the gift bag with one hand and used the other hand to fix the neck of Castiel’s light blue Polo. “It was long. We had someone come in with a Jaguar, and I didn’t even care. I was ready to come home. Is Claire sleeping?”

Castiel nodded. “Hmm. I think she was waiting for you to get home, but she was tired after crawling around all day.”

Ever since Claire started crawling, she had spent all day doing it until she wore herself out. It was the cutest thing whenever she crawled and crawled, sometimes with Dandy walking beside her, and then she would just sit there, picking up a piece of lint from the floor and trying to eat it. Dean wished he could spend all day home with Claire so he wouldn’t miss those little moments. 

Dean groaned. “I missed her all day.”

Castiel brushed his fingers through the fine hairs on the back of Dean’s neck. “She missed you, too. We could go visit you during lunch tomorrow.”

Nothing sounded better than having Claire and Castiel visiting him at lunch. It would make his long day at work feel less tedious. “Would you?”

Castiel chuckled. “Of course. We’ll be there tomorrow around noon.”

“You’re the best.” Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel’s neck and pulled him into a hug. Castiel tightened his arm around Dean’s waist, burying his face in Dean’s neck. Dean pulled back slightly to look Castiel in the eye. “What do you want for dinner tonight?”

Castiel stayed quiet, looking slightly amused. But then he shook his head a little. “I’m craving your turkey hot dogs.”

“I can do that.” Dean squeezed Castiel’s shoulder. “Let me go shower before I get started.”

“If you’re tired, I can cook dinner.”

“I’m not tired. You’ve been cooking all week. I can take care of you today.”

Castiel smiled, tilting his head down and to the side, almost bashfully. “Okay.”

Dean woke up early on his birthday.

He would have been happy to sleep in, except the delicious smell of frying bacon got him out of bed like nothing else could. Dean slipped into his cozy slippers and robe over his _Dr. Sexy_ pajamas—because, yes, Dean owned _Dr. Sexy_ pajamas and he loved them—and followed the smell into the kitchen. 

Castiel was behind the stove, cooking up a storm. There were pancakes and scrambled eggs and French toast and the bacon that had woken Dean up. Dandy was wagging her tail, panting up at Castiel from a safe distance in case some food conveniently fell on the floor. Claire was on her high chair with her pacifier in her mouth and a rattle in her hands.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Dean said to Castiel, who grinned up at him, and then Dean went straight to Claire, who smiled so wide when she saw him that her pacifier fell out. Dean picked up Claire, showering her with kisses as she giggled happily. “Good morning to you, too, beautiful.”

“I hope you’re hungry because I made a lot of food,” Castiel said.

“You underestimate me, Cas.”

Castiel laughed and then set down the spatula he was holding and went around the counter towards Dean, giving both Dean and Claire a warm hug and then kissing Dean’s cheekbone. “Happy birthday, Dean.”

“Thanks.” Dean tried really hard not to blush.

After breakfast—which was really awesome—they all went for a walk. Claire was strapped to Dean’s chest in her baby carrier while Castiel held Dandy’s leash. It was a nice day for a walk. The weather wasn’t too hot or too cold, and there was even a light breeze. Castiel brushed his knuckles against Dean’s before taking Dean’s hand in his, lacing their fingers. Dean had always liked holding Castiel’s hand. It had become sort of their new thing. It was definitely a new thing for Dean because he’d never really been the hand holding type. But with Castiel, it was different. Everything was different with Castiel, but in the best way.

“Hi,” Castiel said, looking at Dean with a smile.

“Hi,” Dean said. 

“So, I was thinking maybe you and Claire could go to a museum.”

“Today?”

“Yeah, I got you both tickets to the National Cowboy and Western Heritage Museum.”

That got Dean’s attention. “Cowboys?”

“Yeah, cowboys.” Castiel squeezed Dean’s hand as they stopped while Dandy sniffed a rose bush. 

Dean knew this was just an excuse to get him out of the house before the highly conspicuous surprise birthday party he’d been planning. Still, Dean wanted to mess with him a little bit. “Okay, yeah, let’s all go to the museum. It’ll be nice to spend the day together.”

“Well, I have to stay home and work on my book. My deadline is in a couple of days.”

“But it’s my birthday. Don’t you want to be with me on my birthday?” Dean pulled out the big guns, giving Castiel his best version of Sam’s sad puppy dog eyes. He knew he couldn’t pull it off half as well as Sam, but he still tried.

Castiel stared back at him, looking pained, like he wanted to give in and go with Dean and Claire after all. “Of course I want to be with you on your birthday. When you come back, we’ll spend the rest of the day together, yeah?”

Dean sighed heavily. “Alright, I guess.”

They continued walking in silence for a few more moments.

“If it would mean that much to you, I can go with you to the museum,” Castiel said.

Dean smiled. Well, that had been really easy. “It’s okay, Cas. I can go with Claire. I was just messing with you.”

“But it’s your birthday.” Castiel brushed his arm against Dean’s. “I want to spend time with you.”

“You’re spending time with me now.”

Castiel held his gaze. “I have to be honest with you.”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows because this sounded serious. “What is it?”

Castiel sighed. “I might have put together a little get-together for your birthday.”

Dean gasped, covering his mouth dramatically. Again, _Dr. Sexy_ had taught him well. “You planned a surprise party for me? I had no idea!”

Castiel squinted his eyes. “You _knew_?”

“Hell yeah, I knew. You’re not sneaky at all. But I wasn’t gonna say anything.”

Castiel smiled one of his gummy smiles. “You’re sweet. I’m just disappointed it’s not a surprise anymore.”

“I’ll do my best to act surprised, and then everyone will know you pulled it off.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I don’t care what everyone else thinks. I only care what you think.”

“Well, I think it’s nice that you went through all this trouble just to throw me a party. No one’s ever done that before. When I was younger, my birthdays were quiet days spent with Bobby and Sammy.” Dean chuckled. “One thing’s for sure, though, there was always pie.”

“I’ve got that covered, obviously.”

Dean grinned, squeezing Castiel’s hand. “You really didn’t have to go through all that trouble, Cas. I would have been fine with just spending the day home watching another bad movie with you and Claire.”

Claire was babbling something nonsensical, shaking her legs like she liked to do.

“See? She agrees with me,” Dean said, planting a kiss to her head.

Castiel’s thumb brushed the back of Dean’s hand softly. “We do that all the time. I wanted today to be special. We must celebrate your birth, Dean. The fact that you’re alive and that you’re in my life—our lives—is worth celebrating.”

Dean was feeling a little sappy hearing Castiel talking this way. It was strange to think that Castiel felt the same way about Dean that Dean felt about Castiel. Well, not entirely. Dean knew that he had more than friendly feelings for Castiel. And no matter how much Dean wanted to believe that Castiel would be receptive to those feelings, Dean didn’t want to lie to himself. But Dean _did_ know that Castiel cared about him, so much that he often made Dean feel like the center of the universe. But Dean decided not to read too much into that.

The cowboy museum turned out to be pretty amazing. Dean loved showing Claire all of the cowboy relics, statues, and paintings. Dean hadn’t realized how much he would enjoy spending a few hours with Claire outside of the house. It made him feel like maybe Claire was his daughter, too, and Dean was her dad. It was dangerous to allow himself to feel this way, though. Just as it was dangerous for him to want to get closer to Castiel, in a non-platonic way. Dean didn’t have a right to Claire, just as he hadn’t had a right to Ben, but that didn’t stop Dean from loving them both with all his heart. Maybe it didn’t matter if Dean was Claire’s dad because he knew that Castiel would never tear him away from her. Castiel wasn’t Lisa. Castiel was kind and honest, and he valued Dean in a way that Dean had never been valued before. Even when Castiel eventually moved on and found a woman to love again, Dean wouldn’t be torn away from Claire. Castiel would never do that to Dean. And that alleviated the pain from Dean’s wary heart.

And since it was his birthday, Dean stopped by the gift shop on his way out and bought himself a cowboy hat. He got a smaller hat for Claire, too. Claire only left it on for about three seconds before throwing it to the floor, but it was still worth it.

When Dean pulled into Castiel’s driveway with his truck, he noticed Sam’s and Bobby’s cars parked on the street. Now he had to prepare to give them his best surprised look. Dean unbuckled Claire from her car seat, putting the hat back on her and miraculously she didn’t take it off this time. Dean was still wearing his hat. 

Dean stood on the front porch, taking a deep breath before opening the door, and stepping inside.

There was a loud chorus of “Surprise!” from the full room and then Castiel’s actual surprised look when he saw Dean and Claire in matching cowboy hats. Castiel ran up to them with his phone already out, snapping a lot of pictures. 

“You two look absolutely perfect,” Castiel said, putting his phone away and kissing Claire’s and Dean’s cheeks. Then Castiel took Claire from Dean’s arms so he could greet the guests, and as soon as Claire was in Castiel’s arms, she tossed the hat to the floor again.

Dean chuckled because he loved that Claire’s stubbornness was developing at such a young age. She obviously got that from her dad. Dean walked around the living room, which was filled with balloons, streamers, and fairy lights that looked a lot like their Christmas lights, and greeted all of the guests. Sam and Jess were both there, and they gave him crap about his cowboy hat, but they were crazy if they thought anything they said would make him take it off. Bobby had brought Ellen and Jo, and Dean was glad to see that Bobby was looking a little cozier around Ellen with his arm around her shoulders. Charlie and Rosa were there, too, already drinking wine and pulling him aside to snap a few pictures with him in his hat. They appreciated the aesthetic, at least. Kevin, Benny, and Ash from work were also there, and Dean was glad to see his coworkers outside of work for once. Dean really liked them, and Castiel must have caught onto that to have invited them.

A few hours later, Dean found himself in a dance-off with Charlie, and he was pretty sure he was winning. Well, up until Charlie started breakdancing in the middle of the living room, which automatically crowned her the winner. Since Dean knew he’d lost, when it was his turn, all he did was shake his ass, bringing it down low as far as his knees allowed him. Charlie cheered him on. When Dean found Castiel in a corner of the room, eyes low, and Dean thought he was staring at his ass. Was he? Maybe it was because he’d had two beers and they’d made him tipsy. When Dean shook his ass again, Castiel bit his lip, taking a sip of his own beer, never moving his gaze. Okay, yeah, it had to be due to the beers. There was no way that Castiel was checking Dean out right now.

Clearly, Charlie had won the dance-off, and Dean clapped for her before giving her a hug. 

“You’re a great dancer,” Dean said, pulling away.

Charlie laughed. “So are you. Great way to end it with that ass shake.”

“Thank you.” Dean tipped his hat.

Rosa was carrying Claire, who was giggling every time Rosa danced with her, shaking her in her arms. Sam was snuggled up with Jess on the couch, both petting Dandy. Bobby had snuck to the backyard with Ellen, probably for some alone time. Jo seemed to be getting along with Ash. Meanwhile, Kevin and Benny were arm wrestling on the coffee table.

Dean made a beeline for Castiel, leaning on the wall beside him, shoving his arm against his. “Thanks for the party. It’s been a lot of fun.”

Castiel glanced at him, smiling. “I’m glad you’re having fun. I liked your dancing.”

So he _had_ been watching him. “Did you?”

“Oh, yeah.” Castiel sipped his beer again, swallowing hard.

Dean leaned in to kiss Castiel’s cheek, unable to stop himself. Castiel blushed, looking down. Dean reached for Castiel’s hand and laced their fingers. “You’re all by yourself. Come meet my coworkers. I think you’ll like them.”

Castiel resisted when Dean tugged his hand, pulling Dean hard enough that Dean almost tripped, but he landed up against Castiel on the wall. “I’m not very good with people.”

Dean met Castiel’s gaze. “You’re good with me.”

“I’ve never been good at socializing with strangers.”

“You’ll be alright.” Dean grinned, leaning closer to whisper in Castiel’s ear. “I’ll protect you.”

Castiel licked his lips again. “Okay.”

Dean pulled Castiel by the hand to the couch, where his coworkers were gathered on the floor around the coffee table, playing cards. “Hey, guys, have you met Cas yet?”

Benny, a bearded guy with a beanie and sweatshirt, shook Castiel’s hand. “Nice meeting you, Castiel. Dean never shuts up about you. I’m Benny Lafitte.”

Castiel chuckled. “It’s nice meeting you, too, Benny. I’m glad you could make it today.”

“Always happy to be around Dean,” Benny said.

Ash, the cool guy with a mullet, as Dean liked to call him, waved at Castiel since he was sitting farther away. “Name’s Ash. Thanks for inviting me. You throw a pretty cool party, dude.”

Castiel grinned. “Thank you, Ash. That’s very kind of you.”

Kevin, with his long hair and yellow sweater, leaned over the table to shake Castiel’s hand because the kid had always been polite. “I’m Kevin. You have a great house and a really cute baby. Dean spends his entire lunch showing us new pictures of Claire.”

Castiel looked at Dean, smiling softly. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

“You guys wanna play?” Benny asked, shuffling the cards like an expert.

Dean nodded. “What are we playing?”

“Good ol’ poker,” Ash said. 

Castiel smiled. “Let’s play.”

Dean was glad that Castiel had made the effort to get to know Dean’s coworker friends. Dean knew that Castiel wasn’t always good with strangers, but Dean thought it was due to shyness more than anything else. Dean’s friends seemed to like Castiel and that made Dean happy. Dean realized how desperately he wanted Castiel to be a part of every aspect of his life. 

Because Castiel was there to stay.

**  
  
**

**Castiel**

Having a baby had been fantastic, up until that baby started teething. Castiel and Dean had spent the past two nights up with Claire, who would not stop crying. Now that she was six and a half months old, her pediatrician had informed them that this was normal and had even warned them about it. But Castiel was still not prepared for what that would entail.

So far, they had given teething rings and massaged her gums, but this was the third night she was up crying and Castiel was worried this wasn’t teething anymore. When he felt her forehead, it was warmer than usual. Her pediatrician had also warned him that a slight fever was normal during teething, but this felt warmer than a slight fever. 

“Dean?” Castiel called out. Dean had gone into the kitchen for some water, but he ran back into the nursery. Castiel handed Claire to Dean. “Feel her forehead. I think she has a fever.”

Dean held her, touching her forehead and under her armpits, frowning. “Grab the thermometer.”

Castiel found it on top of her dresser, brand new. After turning it on, he put it under Claire’s armpit and waited. Castiel bounced on his heels, waiting impatiently for the results.

Dean was staring at him. “It’s alright, Cas. She’ll be fine.”

“She’s never had a fever before.”

When the thermometer beeped, it showed her temperature was 102. Castiel felt like he couldn’t breathe. That wasn’t good. That couldn’t be good.

“Dean! Dean, she has a fever. Oh, my God. What do we do? What do we do now?”

Dean touched Castiel’s shoulder, stilling him. “Take a deep breath. We can give her some baby Tylenol and then we can take her to the hospital. She hasn’t stopped crying for days. I think she might have an infection.”

“An infection?” Castiel widened his eyes, staring at Claire who was still so tiny. How could such a tiny person fight off an infection? What if she couldn’t?

“It’s alright,” Dean said, calmly. “Ben used to get fevers often as a baby. It’s usually nothing to get too worked up about. That’s why she’s going to the hospital, so we can be sure it’s nothing too serious.”

Castiel nodded, trying to remember how to function properly again. “I’ll go put my shoes on.”

“I’ll give her the Tylenol, and then I’ll meet you by the door.”

Castiel nodded again, too quickly because it was all he could do at the moment. “Okay, okay.”

In a rush, Castiel slipped into his sneakers, slipping the laces around his feet so as not to have to tie them. Then he grabbed his wallet and phone, and he was ready to go. Dean was already at the door with Claire in her car seat, and her diaper bag hung on his shoulder. Castiel was about to ask Dean if he had the keys when Dean jiggled them in front of him. Dean was always two steps ahead of Castiel.

They set out towards the hospital, Castiel keeping his eyes glued on Claire, who was still crying passionately, tears running down her face. Castiel kept touching the back of his hand to Claire’s forehead, hoping that her temperature would cool down already.

As soon as they walked inside, Dean jumped into action. Dean filled out all of the paperwork with Claire’s information while Castiel sat with Claire in his arms. Castiel was holding her close to him, but still giving her enough space since she must be feeling hot. He was so worried because Claire had never been sick before. Not ever. What if Dean was right and Claire did have an infection? What if Claire never recovered? Castiel had already lost Amelia, he couldn’t lose Claire, too. But no, he was getting ahead of himself. Jody had taught him how to fight these intrusive thoughts. Jody had told him he had anxiety and he had to work on it every day. Meditation had helped in the past.

So, Castiel closed his eyes, inhaled a deep breath and exhaled a deep breath. And then repeated the process a few times until he felt his heartbeat slowing down. When Castiel opened his eyes, Dean was staring at him, eyebrows furrowed.

“You okay?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Castiel said, because he knew he would be okay. It wasn’t him who was in trouble at the moment.

“The doctor will see Claire soon,” Dean said, rubbing Castiel’s arm soothingly. “Claire will be alright.”

Castiel knew that Dean was only saying that to calm him down, but it was working. Castiel touched Claire’s forehead again, but it was still as hot as before. “Why is the Tylenol not working yet?”

“Give it some time.”

Castiel was sure that they would have to wait hours before getting a room, despite there not being that many people in the Emergency Room, but they were called out within a few minutes. The nurse took Claire’s vitals, and her temperature had at least dropped to 100 degrees, so it wasn’t as bad as before. That didn’t help to ease all of Castiel’s tension, though.

After the nurse left, Castiel and Dean had to just sit and wait for the doctor to show up and tell them what was truly wrong with Claire, who had finally stopped crying. There was still a big pout on her lips and her cheeks were still wet with tears, but she was a lot calmer now that her temperature had dropped.

Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel’s shoulder and just left it there. Castiel relished the weight of it. Having that physical reassurance that Castiel was not alone in this moment was more than Castiel could ever ask for. Castiel knew that he wasn’t Claire’s only parent, that just as he shared all the good, sweet moments Claire gave him with Dean, he also shared the worries and concerns. Castiel leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder, pressing Claire closer to his chest. Dean pressed his lips to the top of Castiel’s head, and Castiel closed his eyes. Inhaling. Exhaling. Maybe this wouldn’t be the end of the world.

“Promise me she’ll be okay,” Castiel whispered.

“I promise you she’ll be okay,” Dean whispered back.

“I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Where else would I be?”

Castiel opened his eyes so he could look into Dean’s, and he’d never wanted to kiss him so badly before. Fortunately, the doctor finally walked into their room, and Castiel was back to focusing on Claire. She was his priority at the moment. Not the fact that he wanted to kiss his best friend.

The doctor concluded that Claire had an ear infection. Castiel had a major internal freakout upon hearing this, but the doctor explained that it was common in babies and that he would prescribe her antibiotics that would clear it up. Castiel could finally breathe easily again, trusting in the doctor’s words. 

Dean was the one speaking with the doctor because Castiel had trouble forming simple sentences after he heard the word _infection_. But Dean had always been great at rising above his fears. Dean stepped up when Castiel couldn’t, and Castiel loved that about him.

They took Claire home around 2:00 am, and she fell asleep on the car ride home. Castiel felt sleepy, too, but he doubted he’d get any sleep, knowing Claire’s left ear was hurting so much and worrying that she’d get another fever in the night. 

So when they got home, Castiel told Dean he’d rather have Claire in his bed for the night to make sure she slept alright. Dean didn’t fight him on that. Instead, he followed Castiel into his bedroom, sitting up against the headboard beside him, with Claire sleeping soundly between them, cushioned between two pillows in case she rolled over hastily. Dean hadn’t said much, but Castiel knew that he was also unwilling to leave her alone for the night. It was nice to not be alone in guarding Claire’s sleep.

Castiel flicked off the lights, leaving only the light from his lamp on his nightstand. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed as he and Dean just sat there, watching over Claire. Castiel yawned, but he was stubborn, and if he didn’t want to fall asleep, he wouldn’t. After all, he’d had plenty of practice not sleeping.

This time, it was Dean who leaned his head on Castiel’s shoulder, yawning as well. “Do you mind if I end up falling asleep here?”

Castiel leaned his cheek on Dean’s head. “I don’t mind. You can lay down next to Claire if you want. It might be more comfortable than sitting up.”

Dean yawned again. “No, I’m good here. Your shoulder is comfortable.”

Castiel smiled, reaching for Dean’s hand and holding it. “Thanks for keeping me sane today. My anxiety tends to get the best of me during difficult situations.”

“You don’t need to thank me. It’s what I’m here for. It’s how we work. When I need you, you’re the one taking charge. When you need me, it’s my turn.”

Castiel liked hearing Dean talk about their relationship like that, like it made perfect sense for them to always be there for each other. “I never understood before how deeply I was capable of loving another human, especially one as tiny as this one.”

Dean hummed. “I told you, didn’t I? It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before.”

“I also never knew how excruciating it would be to see that same human in any type of harm. I hope she never gets sick again.”

“That’s really unlikely, but it’s okay. When she gets sick again, we’ll get through it together. Just like tonight.”

Together. Castiel liked the sound of that. The room was so quiet, so when Castiel spoke again, he did it softly. “You can go to sleep. I’m going to stay awake. I’ll watch over both of you.”

“You should get some sleep, too.”

“I’ll be alright. Get some rest.”

Dean mumbled something, but it was incoherent since he was on the verge of sleep. “Cas,” was the only thing Castiel understood about what he was saying, but after he breathed out the word, Dean fell silent. And then, his breathing became slow and even. He was asleep.

Castiel turned his head to kiss the top of Dean’s head. “Good night, Dean.”

In the morning, Claire woke up crying again. This time, it was remedied with a quick change of her diaper, and a full bottle. Dean was still asleep in Castiel’s bed, now fully sprawled across it rather than sitting up. Sometime in the night, Castiel had covered Dean with a warm blanket. Castiel hadn’t slept at all, and he was feeling pretty tired, so after Claire finished her bottle, Castiel put her down in her bassinet while he made coffee.

But Claire started crying within seconds of being put down, so Castiel abandoned his spot by the coffee maker and went to pick her up. Castiel didn’t blame Claire for being so prone to crying. She was sick. She had the right to demand to be carried at all times. Castiel rocked her in his arms until she calmed down. Her big blue eyes stared up at him, and she sniffled a little before sticking her thumb into her mouth. Castiel had been trying to get her off that habit, so he grabbed one of her teething rings so she could put that in her mouth instead.

Claire sucked on the ring, still staring up at him, blinking her wet lashes. 

“It really sucks being sick, doesn’t it, baby?” 

Claire pulled out the ring to speak some gibberish that didn’t make any sense. Castiel knew that she was agreeing with him, though. And it made him smile.

“You’ll be alright, honey.” Castiel pressed a kiss to her forehead, which wasn’t alarmingly hot anymore.

“How’s she doing?”

Castiel looked up to see Dean standing on the hallway, walking up to them with a red sleep mark on his cheek and eyes half-open. He’d clearly just gotten out of bed. When he stood right beside Castiel, he could still feel the warmth from sleep on him. Castiel moved instinctively closer to him. “I think she’s doing better, but she only wants to be carried.”

“You can give her to me. Are you making coffee?”

Castiel handed Claire over to Dean. “Yes. I think it’s ready now. I’ll bring you a cup.”

Dean smiled. “Thanks. I need it.”

Because he couldn’t resist, Castiel ran a hand through Dean’s wild, morning hair. “How did you sleep? You were snoring all night.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

Castiel chuckled. “Yes, you were. I heard you. You were drooling on me a little, but then you finally laid down on the bed.”

Dean blushed, looking down at Claire. “Your dad is such a liar, baby girl.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m lying just to see how cute you look when you blush.”

That made Dean blush even harder. 

Castiel went to fill two mugs with coffee. Dean had his very own mug—Castiel had bought it for him. It was a simple white mug that had the word _Cute_ followed by the image of a cartoon tea, and a cartoon pie. _Cutie pie_. Dean had loved it because of the pie. At least, that was what he’d said when Castiel had presented it to him.

Dean was sitting on the couch with Dandy sitting by his feet. Castiel still had to feed her. It was so easy to focus solely on Claire, especially now that she was sick. But he had to remember his first girl, too. Castiel set down the two mugs on the coffee table and then he fed Dandy, bending down to pet her in apology for not paying as close attention to her lately. But Dandy was wagging her tail as she ate, so Castiel hoped he was forgiven.

When Castiel finally joined Dean on the couch, he was delighted to have his first sip of coffee. He yawned before he took another sip. 

Dean was looking at him with a frown.

“I’m fine,” Castiel said, knowing what was on Dean’s mind.

“You haven’t slept.”

“I’ll sleep tonight.” Castiel took another sip, wanting the caffeine to kick in already. His eyelids felt heavy every time he blinked.

“You could sleep right now,” Dean said, sitting Claire on his lap, who was wide awake and still sucking on her teething ring.

“I’m too worried to sleep.”

Dean looked at him. “Cas, if you don’t sleep, your brain doesn’t rest, and if your brain doesn’t rest, your mental health suffers.”

Castiel sighed. He knew all this. Jody had gone over it a lot of times already. “But—”

“I’m looking after Claire,” Dean said. “Don’t you trust me?”

Castiel held Dean’s gaze for a long moment. Of course he trusted Dean. It was just his own anxiety getting the best of him. But he knew Dean was right, and he needed to sleep. Even if it was just for a few hours. Castiel put down his mug on the coffee table again. “I trust you. I’m going to bed.”

Dean smiled. “Are you actually listening to me for once?”

Castiel was too tired to roll his eyes, or he would have. “I _do_ listen to you.”

Dean snorted. “Yeah, right. Go get some rest. I’ll give Claire her antibiotic when it’s time. Don’t worry.”

Castiel smiled at Dean. “Have I told you lately how grateful I am to have you in my life?”

“Yeah, you did, but stop stalling and get to bed.”

Castiel leaned in to kiss Claire’s cheek, and then, when he kissed Dean’s cheek, Castiel held his face in his hands. “I’m not stalling. I just want you to know how much I appreciate having you here.”

Dean’s green eyes softened. “I know.”

Castiel dragged his weary feet all the way to his room and then plopped down on his bed, curling up under the blanket Dean had been under a short while ago. It still smelled like Dean. Castiel fell asleep within seconds.

**Dean**

Dean was woken up with a pleasant surprise.

Claire was sitting on his chest, her wet and sticky hands touching his face. When he peeled open one eye, he was greeted with her slobbery smile. It made Dean smile widely because he couldn’t think of a better sight to wake up to. 

Castiel went to sit on the edge of Dean’s bed, holding a small cake in his hands with the words _Happy Father’s Day_ written neatly with blue icing. Was that for him?

Dean held Claire before he sat up, sitting her back down on his lap. With wide eyes, Dean looked at Castiel, gaping silently as he flicked his gaze from the cake to Castiel and back again. 

“Are you still half asleep?” Castiel asked, smiling. “Why are you looking at the cake like it’s about to bite your face off?”

Dean was probably still dreaming because he was having trouble understanding why Castiel had brought him a cake celebrating Father’s Day. Of all the men on earth that deserved to be celebrated today, Dean was the very last one on the list. Castiel was the father in this house, and Dean should have brought the cake for him, not the other way around. “What are you doing?”

Castiel lifted the cake, as if Dean hadn’t already seen it. “It’s Father’s Day, and you are a wonderful father, so I’m celebrating your day. Happy Father’s Day, Dean.”

“But I’m not really a father,” Dean said, quietly, looking down at Claire when she touched his face.

Castiel set down the cake on Dean’s nightstand and then made Dean look him in the eye, Castiel’s eyes soft and honest. “I need you to understand one thing, Dean. You don’t automatically become a father when a baby is born. Not in my eyes. You earn that title. And you have more than earned the right to be a father. You’ve been Claire’s father for as long as I have. I also need you to know that being Claire’s dad isn’t conditional to you living in this house, or even to your relationship with me. No matter what happens, you will _always_ be her dad.”

It was funny how a few sentences put together could sink so deeply inside Dean’s heart. No one had ever told him before exactly what he’d needed to hear. No one had ever validated his feelings to this extent. Dean was Claire’s dad. Just like that. As simple as a few words from Castiel. As simple as Castiel’s permission, allowing Dean to be Claire’s dad, too. Dean thought he might cry. His eyes were filling up with tears. 

“I love you, Cas,” Dean said, softly. Because it was the truth. Dean loved Castiel with all his heart and nothing would ever change that. 

Castiel cupped Dean’s cheek, thumb caressing his cheekbone. “I love you, too.”

Dean pressed a kiss to the top of Claire’s head. 

Claire. His daughter. Claire was his daughter. Dean laughed with joy. Claire was his daughter. Dean was her father. His heart had never been so full.

“So, how about we have some cake?” Castiel asked. “It’s chocolate.”

Dean laughed. “I can’t say no to chocolate cake for breakfast.” Dean stared at Castiel, wanting nothing more than to kiss his mouth and leave him breathless. Maybe that should terrify him, but it didn’t. “Happy Father’s Day, Cas.”

“Thank you.”

They ate chocolate cake and coffee for breakfast on the couch, with Claire sitting between them and Dandy to Castiel’s right side. It was a great morning, better than all the other ones they’d had together. Dean hadn’t been able to wipe the smile off his face ever since Castiel crowned him Claire’s father. Castiel’s kindness and humongous heart were astonishing. Dean would never stop being in awe of him. 

It occurred to Dean that maybe he didn’t just love Castiel. Maybe, somewhere along the way, Dean had fallen desperately in love with Castiel. Maybe it had happened a long, long time ago, and Dean had been living in denial. But Dean didn’t have room in his life for denial anymore. 

Dean was _in love_. 

Dean had been repressing his love for Castiel. Not the friendship love. Not the platonic love that he’s convinced himself was the only kind that he’d felt. Dean had been repressing the love that uprooted him from the ground and shook him to his core. The love that burned within him, filled him with longing and desire and need. Dean ached for Castiel in every way possible. He ached for his touch, and his mouth, and his body. Dean had been aware of his attraction a while ago, but it was until this very moment that he understood the full extent of it.

Castiel was sipping his coffee when he noticed Dean staring at him. He threw him a soft smile, and it took all of Dean’s self-control not to kiss him. Would Castiel object to that? As far as Dean knew, Castiel was only into women. But what if that wasn’t true? What if Castiel also liked men? What if Castiel also liked _Dean_? What if he wanted him in the same way, too? What if this entire time Castiel had really been flirting with Dean?

“What?” Castiel asked.

“I’m just thinking,” Dean said.

“About what?”

“About you.” Dean hadn’t even bothered to come up with a lie because he was so entranced in this new revelation.

Castiel chuckled. “Yeah? What are you thinking? That I’m devastatingly handsome?”

“Actually, you’re not that far off.”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “You’re messing with me.”

“Am I?”

Castiel shifted on the couch, angling his body towards Dean. Claire lifted her hand to grasp Castiel’s hand in hers, and Castiel smiled down at her before his attention turned back to Dean. “Do you think I’m handsome?” There was genuine excitement in his voice that he didn’t bother to hide.

“I have eyes, Cas.”

Castiel’s eyes crinkled when he widened his smile. “I never knew you thought I was good-looking. This is _very_ interesting.”

At least Castiel found this turn of events amusing. Meanwhile, Dean’s mind was racing trying to find a solution to his epiphany about his feelings for Castiel. Despite being unsure of Castiel’s sexuality, Dean wasn’t afraid of his feelings. That should probably freak him out, but it didn’t.

Dean loved Castiel, and he was not going to let that feeling go.

“Tell me something,” Castiel said, leaning forward. “Do you find me more or less attractive than Dr. Sexy?”

Dean threw his head back in laughter. Of course Castiel would compare himself to Dr. Sexy. When his laughter died down, Dean leveled his gaze with Castiel’s. He was dead serious when he said, “More.” There was absolutely no competition.

Castiel was beaming now. “ _Really?_ ”

Dean grinned. “Really.”

Castiel bit his lip. “Very interesting.”

“Okay, stop looking so smug about this. I know you love compliments, but you’re overdoing it.”

Castiel shifted again and then cleared his throat. “Dean, I think you’re really beautiful. Inside and out.”

Now that was unexpected. Dean wasn’t sure what they had just admitted to each other. 

They sat in silence for a moment, letting their words sit with them while they continued gazing into each other’s eyes. Castiel’s eyes were deep and intense as they refused to break contact. If Dean didn’t know any better, he’d say Castiel was filled with the same longing Dean was feeling for him. Was it possible that Castiel wanted more than friendship from Dean?

Dean’s phone rang, snapping him out of the momentary trance. He grabbed his phone and saw that it was Sam. “I should get this.”

Castiel nodded, picking up Claire and sitting her on his lap while she took interest in Dandy’s wagging tail.

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean said.

“Dean! Happy Father’s Day!”

Dean smiled. For the first time, Dean felt okay at hearing those words said to him. He didn’t feel like a fraud anymore. “Thanks, Sammy. You didn’t have to call just to say that.”

“Of course I did,” Sam said. “You know I always wish you as Happy Father’s Day. Even though things are so much different this year, you still get to celebrate the holiday.”

Dean looked at Claire and his heart was hammering in his chest. “I think you’re right, Sammy. Why don’t you and Jess come over for dinner today? I’ll call Bobby.”

Bobby was the only man in Dean and Sam’s lives that they’d ever honored on Father’s Day. John had rarely been around on those days, anyway, so it’d made it even easier to ignore his status as their official dad. Bobby was the only deserving dad they’d ever had.

“That’d be great,” Sam said. “Did you pick something up for Bobby? I got him a card and a new baseball cap.”

“Yeah, I got him some new records.”

“Okay, cool. Jess and I will be there later then.”

“Sounds good. Cas and I will see you both later.”

After hanging up, Dean turned to Castiel. “I guess we’re having a party.”

Castiel nodded, still smiling. “Burgers?”

“You read my mind.”

Hours later, they were eating burgers in Castiel’s backyard. Claire had been passed around the table because everyone wanted to hold her. She was now with Bobby and Ellen, babbling incoherently as Ellen fed her banana puree. Dean sat across the three of them beside Castiel and Sam, who were having a long conversation on the best dog foods, snacks, and toys since Sam and Jess had finally gotten their dog. After Ben left, they’d put off getting their dog because Ben had been so excited about naming it. But Dean was glad they’d finally done it. Sam had always wanted a dog growing up. 

“What breed is he?” Castiel asked.

“He’s a Great Dane,” Sam said.

Ben would have definitely loved him, then. A big dog that looks like Scooby-Doo? That was right up his alley.

“We named him Scoob,” Jess said.

Dean grinned. “Ben would have loved that.”

“I know,” Sam said. “We did it for him.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Dean said, though he was really grateful for it.

“I know we didn’t have to,” Sam said, smiling at Jess. “But we thought it was fitting. Come by the house sometime soon so you can meet him. You, Cas, and Claire.”

Dean looked at Castiel, eyebrows raised. 

Smiling, Castiel nodded. “We’d love to go. Thank you for the invitation, Sam.”

Dean got a little lost on Castiel’s smile, especially after his new realization. If Dean was able to, he would pull Castiel inside, away from everyone else, and then he would kiss his neck and his jaw and his throat until he had his fill of him. 

“You’re doing it again,” Castiel whispered close to Dean’s ear.

“Doing what?”

“Staring. At me.” Castiel squinted his eyes, tilting his head as he studied Dean. Then Castiel gave him a teasing smile. “Are you still thinking about how handsome I am?”

But Dean wasn’t smiling when he said, “I’m thinking about many things involving you.”

Castiel became bashful, the tips of his ears turning red. But he still grabbed Dean’s hand in his and then kissed the back of it. “I see you in my future, too.”

That wasn’t exactly what Dean had meant, but he wouldn’t clear it up with Castiel now. Right now, they had this moment, and that was enough.

“Dean, Castiel,” Ellen said from across the table. “Claire is one special girl.”

“Thank you, Ellen,” Castiel said.

“I’ve never met a sweeter baby,” Ellen said. “Not since my Jo.”

“You boys are doing a great job raising her,” Bobby said. Bobby had been in the best mood all day. Maybe it was the burgers or the hugs and gifts he’d received, but he was glowing like Dean hadn’t seen in a while.

“Claire makes the job real easy,” Dean said.

“Thanks for having us over today,” Bobby said. “It’s been a good day.”

“We had to have you over for Father’s Day, Bobby,” Dean said. “It’s your day.”

Bobby smiled. “Thank you, son.”

“Did you like the cap I got you?” Sam asked.

Bobby was wearing the brand new navy blue baseball cap Sam had bought him. His old one was dirty, ripped, and stained. But Bobby never left home without it. “‘Course I do. I’m never taking it off.”

Sam laughed. “You might want to burn the old one.”

“That sounds like a great plan,” Ellen said. “I’m so glad you got him a new cap, Sam. I’m pretty sure the old one was gonna grow legs and run away from Bobby’s head if he didn't take it off.”

Bobby rolled his eyes. “It was not that bad.”

“Yeah, it was, Bobby,” Castiel said.

“Hey, I thought you were the nice one,” Bobby said, offended.

“He’s one of us now,” Dean said, proudly.

“Yes, he is,” Sam said.

Castiel had never looked so happy.

Much later, after Claire was asleep and everyone had gone home, Dean and Castiel made their way to the backyard again, carrying a beer each and the baby monitor with them. They’d spent about an hour cleaning up, but now it was time to rest and spend some time alone. The sky was full of stars and not a cloud was in sight.

Castiel sighed, sipping his beer. “We need some music.” 

Dean pulled out his phone, selecting a playlist that he often listened to as he was falling asleep. It was filled with soft music. The mood felt right for it right now. After setting the phone down on the table, Dean sipped his own beer.

They sat in comfortable silence. They’d gotten to the point where they were so used to being with each other that they didn’t have to talk to enjoy each other’s company. It was great.

But the moment the familiar, nostalgic melodies of Santo & Johnny’s _Sleepwalk_ started playing, Dean whispered, “God, I love this song.” He’d said it mostly to himself, but he knew Castiel had heard him when he hummed in agreement.

A few seconds later, Castiel put down his beer and stood before extending his hand to Dean.

“What are you doing?” Dean asked, beer halfway to his mouth.

“Come dance with me,” Castiel said softly, seriously. Dean wasn’t much of a slow dancer, which is exactly what he told Castiel. But Castiel wasn’t deterred by that. “I’ll lead you.”

Dean took Castiel’s hand and was hauled to his feet, then tugged into Castiel’s personal space. They were standing just inches apart, and Dean let out a small gasp when he felt Castiel’s other hand circling his waist, pulling him even closer so that their chests touched.

“Put your hand on my shoulder,” Castiel said.

Dean did as he was told. His other hand was still clasped around Castiel’s hand, and then they were swaying. Dean was stiff, but Castiel didn’t seem to mind. From this close, he could smell Castiel’s minty cologne and it was a pleasant, comforting scent.

Castiel leaned forward so that his cheek was pressed up against Dean’s, and they continued swaying, barely moving their feet as the song played on. Castiel was humming along to the song right into Dean’s ear, and it sent a shiver down Dean’s spine. 

This felt new and different. It wasn’t just the fact that they’d never danced together. It was more. Maybe it was that being this close to Castiel was making Dean very nervous. But the good kind of nervous. The kind that was filled with longing and expectation. Dean had never felt this emotionally charged while dancing.

They stayed like that, pressed together, swaying, and enjoying the song perfect for a starry night like this one. When the song ended, Castiel didn’t move away. He gripped Dean’s waist, pulling him even closer, which Dean hadn't known was possible. It was like Castiel couldn’t get close enough to him. Dean knew the feeling. Because, suddenly, Dean needed to be closer to Castiel, too. Dean wanted to feel every inch of his body against Castiel’s. Dean wanted to feel Castiel like he’d never felt him before.

Was that wrong? Was it wrong to want this closeness with his best friend who’d lost his wife not even a year ago? Was it wrong for his heart to be hammering against his ribcage with anticipation? Was it wrong for Dean to want more from Castiel? 

Possibly. 

But Dean allowed himself to enjoy this moment. He didn’t know when he’d get another moment like this again. It was better to appreciate it for what it was: a nice evening alone with Castiel, the man he was in love with.

The moment ended too soon, with Castiel pulling away from Dean’s cheek. However, his arm hadn’t surrendered Dean yet and his grip was just as strong as ever. Castiel locked eyes with Dean, and the intensity of them was intoxicating. And then, Castiel pressed his lips to Dean’s temple, in a lingering, gentle kiss that made Dean dizzy.

“Thank you for this lovely dance,” Castiel whispered against Dean’s skin.

Dean wanted to crack a joke, or at least say something in reply, but he’d forgotten how to speak. All his thoughts were on the feeling of Castiel’s lips on his temple, and the way he was still holding Dean, like he refused to let Dean get away from him. Dean wasn’t going anywhere.

Castiel nosed Dean’s temple, and Dean shivered again. How could something so simple make Dean weak in the knees? Was Castiel aware of the effect he had on Dean? Did he know how badly Dean didn’t want this to end? 

It was like Castiel had heard Dean’s thoughts because his lips touched Dean’s cheek now. How could lips feel this soft? How could lips rattle Dean to his core? Castiel’s lips lingered longer this time, but it still didn’t feel long enough.

This wasn’t just friendship, was it? Was Castiel always this close to his friends? Did he ask them to dance and then kiss them? Did he hold them up to his chest even after they’d stopped dancing?

Slowly, Castiel released his hold on Dean, his hand lingering on Dean’s shirt for a while before he pulled away completely. Castiel licked his lips, meeting Dean’s gaze. Dean swallowed, his throat dry.

“Good night, Dean,” Castiel whispered.

Dean bit his lip, trying to stall while he found his composure. “Good night, Cas.”

Castiel smiled, and it reached his dark blue eyes. Were they showing desire? Is that what that was? Dean was too nervous to ask him such a blunt question.

Besides, tonight was just about this.

  
  
  


**Castiel**

Summer had been amazing so far.

After finishing his novel, Castiel had spent all of his time with Claire and Dean. During the small window he had without work, Castiel refused to waste any of it. So, he’d planned a lot of outings with his little family. All three of them had been to four museums, including the cowboy one Dean had become so fond of. And, of course, Dean had bought Castiel his very own cowboy hat at the gift shop. They had also gone to an aquarium. Claire had loved the seahorses the most. They’d also been going on a lot more walks around the neighborhood. 

Today, Castiel had prepared a picnic for them at the park. Dean was at the kitchen counter cutting up the sandwiches while Castiel sat on the floor with Claire, who was crawling everywhere she could. Castiel had to watch her closely as she crawled because she loved sticking any piece of trash inside her mouth. Somehow, she always found a piece of trash, no matter how much he and Dean cleaned.

Dean turned to Castiel, flashing him one of his gorgeous full-teeth smiles. How was it possible that Dean found Castiel handsome? It was thrilling to think that Dean might want Castiel in the same way Castiel wanted him. Did Dean daydream about kissing Castiel as much as Castiel daydreamed about kissing Dean? Did Dean want to be with Castiel as much as Castiel did? If he did, why hadn’t he said anything? Was Dean waiting for Castiel to make a move? 

“You ready to go?” Dean asked, holding the picnic basket all packed.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Castiel said, scooping up Claire in his arms despite her protests. He kissed her head. “Hey, grumpy, you can crawl at the park.”

“Dandy, come on, girl!” Dean called out, holding the door open.

Dandy ran all the way to the front porch, not needing to be told twice. Dean bent down to put the harness on her and then held her leash. Castiel put Claire in her stroller, and they were ready to go.

As soon as they turned the corner, Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s hips, drawing him in so he could kiss Castiel’s cheek.

Castiel grinned. “What was that for?”

Dean looked away, shrugging. “You look nice today.”

Castiel looked down at his outfit, which were cargo shorts and a green Polo. Nothing out of the usual. “I do?”

“Hell yeah, you do.”

Was Dean flirting with him right now? All signs pointed to yes.

_Oh, wow. It’s actually happening._

Okay, Castiel could do it, too. Castiel could flirt back. Granted, he’d never been good at flirting, but he wanted to show Dean his interest.

Castiel cleared his throat. “I like your ass in those jeans.”

Dean’s eyes went so wide it was comical.

Oh, no. Too far. Castiel had gone too far. Fuck. What the hell had he been thinking?

But then Dean was laughing. “Thank you.”

Castiel nodded. “You’re welcome.”

“So, you’re an ass man.”

“Maybe.”

“ _Very interesting_.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. Dean loved to tease him with those two words all the time now. Ever since Dean had told Castiel he found him attractive and all Castiel could say was “very interesting,” it had become their inside joke. 

When they finally made it to the park—without Castiel embarrassing himself any further—they found a big tree with a nice shade they could sit under. Dean spread a blanket for them and then released Dandy into the wild. Castiel picked up Claire, putting her in the middle of the blanket where she began to crawl towards Dean, who welcomed her into his arms with kisses.

Castiel leaned back against the tree, digging out a water bottle from the picnic basket. Then he grabbed Dandy’s favorite ball, tossing it to her so they could play fetch.

Dean started feeding Claire small watermelon pieces. That was her new favorite fruit, and it went well in the summer heat. July had always been especially hot in Oklahoma City. Castiel threw the ball to Dandy once again, watching her run after it with all the enthusiasm in the world. 

Last summer, everything had been entirely different for both Castiel and Dean. They’d only known each other for a short while, and Dean was the father, not Castiel. Lisa was in Dean’s life, and Castiel still had Amelia. If Castiel knew a year ago that his life would change so irrevocably so suddenly, that he’d lose so much, he would have never believed that he would be happy. But Castiel was so damned happy right now. With Claire, Dean, and Dandy. His family. They weren’t perfect, far from it, but they were everything he loved in life. And Castiel felt so privileged to be loved by them.

“What’s that smile for?” Dean asked, eating a piece of watermelon.

“I’m having a nice day,” Castiel said, getting the ball back from Dandy and throwing it again. “I just—I love my family.”

Dean smiled softly. “Me too.”

Claire was babbling what sounded like long sentences in an unknown language. She was going on and on, only stopping whenever Dean fed her another piece of watermelon. 

“What is she saying?” Castiel asked, laughing.

“She’s saying she’s having a nice day, too. And that she loves her dads and Dandy.”

“Is she?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, easily. “Either that, or she’s in the middle of pooping.”

“That’s far more likely.”

An hour later, Castiel was laying flat on the blanket, listening to the audiobook of Oscar Wilde’s _The Picture of Dorian Gray_. It was his favorite Wilde book, and he’d found it even more fascinating recently. That book was highly homoerotic and he’d never really noticed it before. In fact, Castiel had missed most queer themes in a lot of media. Watching shows and movies with Dean had helped him see these things that he’d missed before completely. And it was illuminating. Maybe it was also due to the fact that Castiel’s object of affection was a man, who was beautiful and strong and had the greenest eyes, and that he was definitely not straight at all.

Suddenly, there were sticky—always sticky—hands on his face, smacking him on the nose and on the chin. Castiel opened his eyes to Claire’s open mouth falling over his cheekbone, drooling on him as she “gaaaahhh’d.”

Castiel laughed, pulling out his earphones.. “Hi, Claire. Can I help you?”

“You know she doesn’t like being ignored,” Dean said.

“I was listening to an audiobook.”

“Try explaining that to an eight-month old, stubborn baby.”

Claire smacked Castiel’s face again. It was like she was playing the drums or something.

“Ahhh!” Castiel sat up before anymore abuse fell upon his face. “I’m up, and my attention is all yours, Claire. You win.”

Claire started giggling as she crawled over to him, delighted to be picked up and sat on Castiel’s lap. 

“This is what you wanted?” Castiel asked. “Are you happy now?”

Claire grabbed his hand and sucked on it.

Dean was already offering Castiel her teething ring before Castiel even asked for it.

Castiel replaced his hand with his ring, and Claire giggled again. “You laugh because you always get what you want, you lovely, spoiled girl.”

“Hey, don’t call her spoiled,” Dean said. “She’s perfect.”

“Kids who think they’re perfect are the ones that are spoiled, Dean.”

“Well, Claire is the only exception. Come on. She’s the most perfect baby in the world. Not a flaw in her.”

Castiel gave Dean a look, because Dean was being ridiculous. “You are a blind parent.”

“Maybe I’m blinded by love.”

“Maybe.”

Dean chuckled, taking a bite of a strawberry from the open tupperware container. “I don’t mind being blinded by love. Do you?”

“I just don’t want Claire to grow up thinking she can never do anything wrong. We need to teach her right from wrong. It’s our job as her parents.”

Dean unfolded his legs and stretched them out. “We’re her _parents_. That sounds so awesome.”

“Doesn’t it? A year ago we were just two neighbors who’d just met, and now we’re raising a baby together. That’s unbelievable.”

Dean’s smile faded, and he set down the top part of the strawberry on the tupperware lid. “I know this isn’t probably how you imagined your life to go, Cas. I’m sorry things didn’t turn out differently.”

Raising Claire without Amelia had never been part of Castiel’s plan. Her loss would also loom over his life. Amelia was everything to Castiel and she would have been an exceptional mother. But Castiel had to make his peace with the fact that Amelia wouldn’t come back. And although Claire wouldn’t get to experience Amelia’s profound love for her, she would still always be surrounded by love. This might not have been the life Castiel imagined, but it was a wonderful life that he loved.

“You’re right,” Castiel admitted. “This isn’t the life I imagined for myself and for Claire. I miss Amelia so much. The pain hasn’t disappeared completely, and I don’t think it ever will. I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing her.”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows. “I miss her, too, Cas. Sometimes I think that she’s just on vacation and one day she’ll walk through the door and take Claire in her arms.”

Castiel smiled. “I’ve had that feeling in the past as well.”

“I wish I could do something to heal your pain.”

Castiel held Dean’s gaze. “Your constant presence has made my pain a hell of a lot more bearable. Dean, I love my life right now. Just because it’s not what I expected doesn’t mean it’s bad.”

“You mean it?”

“Of course I mean it.”

Dean looked away where Dandy was laying on her belly, soaking in the sun. “I love our family so much, Cas. The only thing that would make it better is Ben. I keep thinking that I’m being ungrateful for missing him when I have so much already. You and Claire are my entire world. But Ben…”

Castiel could understand Dean’s pain. There would always be a missing piece in his life that belonged to Ben. It was only natural. “You’re not ungrateful for wanting to be with your son, Dean. He’ll always be your son. And you’ll always miss him.”

When Dean looked at him again, he looked a little lighter. “I was afraid of telling you that. I brought it up in therapy a lot, but I figured it was better to be completely honest about that.”

“You know you can tell me anything.”

Dean swallowed, his gaze lowering from Castiel’s eyes to his lips. And then, Dean looked away again. “I know.”

After the park, they went swimming.

Claire loved being in the water. Usually, she’d cry bloody murder whenever Dean or Castiel tried to get her out of the bath. They’d started jokingly calling her their little fish because Claire was always happiest in the water. She would flap her hands and then laugh with the splash of the water that sprayed everywhere.

Even though Claire was wearing arm floaties, Castiel kept holding his breath whenever Claire went from his arms to Dean’s, wanting to jump instead of being handed over. Claire might be a calm baby most times, but never in the water. Claire wanted to be on her own and make up her own rules. She was obviously too small to swim yet, so they had to watch her even more carefully. 

“I got you, baby girl,” Dean said, scooping her into his arms. 

Claire jumped up and down, shaking all her limbs with excitement. Dean moved her around in circles as she giggled and yelled her approval. It was always a pleasant sight watching the two of them interact. Castiel was enamored with the way Dean played with their daughter. He was so careful with her, but still managed to shake her up the way she liked. Dean just knew how to be a father. 

Dean just knew how to be incredible.

“Hey, do you mind holding her for a minute?” Dean asked, handing Claire to Castiel.

“What’s the matter?” Castiel asked, since Dean was already halfway out of the pool.

Once Dean got out, he carried a chair to the fence facing his own backyard and stood on it, peeking at the other side. Dean let out a loud gasp before he turned to look at Castiel with a giddy grin that lit up his face. “Cas! Cas, I got flowers!”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, you can see some roses and one tulip. Last time I watered them, I knew they just needed a couple of days.” Dean hopped off the chair. “I’ll be right back.” Dean ran inside the house before Castiel could ask what the hell he was doing.

Claire was staring at the door, probably waiting for Dean to return. She hadn’t moved at all since Dean ran out. As soon as she spotted him again, strutting through the same door, Claire shook all her limbs again, reaching her arms out for Dean.

Dean got back into the pool, and he took Claire in his arms before he handed Castiel a small pink rose. “It’s for you.” He also had a sunflower and he gave that one to Claire, but she threw it away from her, and then it was just floating on the surface. “It’s alright, baby girl, there’s a lot more where that came from. The whole garden is just for you.”

Castiel pressed the rose below his rose and the scent made him smile. “Thank you for the rose, Dean. You didn’t have to cut the flowers from your garden. They just grew out.”

“I wanted to show you.”

“You’re sweet.” Castiel set down his rose above his ear like you would a pencil.

Dean grinned. “Well, don’t you look gorgeous.”

Castiel tried his best not to blush, but it was a futile effort.

Claire reached her arms out to Castiel and she tried to jump over to him, but Dean held her back until Castiel was close enough to catch her.

“She’s just like Ben sometimes, isn’t she?” Dean asked.

That was true. Ben had always been a bit of a wild child in the swimming pool, completely fearless. Claire was a lot like that. Castiel had always known the two of them would get along. It was a shame that they hadn’t even met yet. Worse still was thinking that they would never actually meet.

“Yes,” Castiel said. “She is.” Castiel bit his tongue before he said, “Maybe they’ll get to meet one day,” but he couldn’t say that because he had no idea if that would happen. If it were up to Castiel, he’d make it happen. But he’d tried to locate Lisa in the past. She wasn’t on any social media. At least not available for him to find. Either way, Lisa had made her choice and it was unlikely that Castiel would be able to change her mind.

Claire splashed some water between them while letting out a big scream, and Dean threw his head back in laughter.

Castiel would do anything in his power to hear that laughter every day.

“I’m in love with Dean.” Castiel had been dying to say that out loud.

Jody didn’t seem at all shocked to hear it. “Are you alright with that?”

“Yes.” Castiel didn’t hesitate. He knew that this is what he felt. That there was no way of turning back or hiding this feeling any longer. “I’m very much alright with it.”

Jody gave him a smile. “That’s great, Castiel. Being in love can be a wonderful thing. Have you considered what you will do about those feelings?”

That was the terrifying part. “No. Not really. I think Dean might feel the same way, but if he doesn’t, then I might be ruining our friendship. I don’t want to lose him.”

“You know what the solution is, don’t you?”

Castiel winced. “I should talk to him?”

“That’s right.”

Castiel sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I know.”

As easy as that sounded, talking to Dean, it was something that Castiel had been trying to avoid for some time now. Not talking to Dean in general. But talking to him about his feelings for him, which had developed into something stronger than Castiel could have ever imagined. Castiel had fallen in love with Dean. It didn’t happen overnight. It wasn’t a sudden realization. It was a slow and steady process that Castiel had allowed to happen. He’d chased that glorious feeling that only kept growing stronger until it became too loud to keep inside, quiet and hidden.

Now that feeling was too big to remain silent anymore. It had already slipped through the cracks a few times.

Castiel had to do something about it.

**Dean**

It was a Friday night in the middle of September. Sam and Jess had kindly offered to babysit while Dean and Castiel took another night off, so they’d decided to take them up on it. This time, it was far easier getting Castiel to leave Claire behind. Dean was proud of him. Even though Castiel still triple checked that both of their phones were turned on and their ringtones were the loudest possible in case of an emergency. That much was still sensible.

After a great deal of debating, they’d decided to go bowling. There wasn’t a whole lot of entertainment in Oklahoma City, believe it or not. They only had about a handful of places to visit. Since they’d only gone bowling together once before, it felt appropriate to do it again. But Dean had never really been a great bowler. He was much better at playing pool. Fortunately, the bowling alley they were going to had pool tables, too, and Dean was planning on kicking Castiel’s ass.

The only thing clouding their outing tonight was the fact that there were so many unsaid things between them. Dean and Castiel were in this strange phase of their relationship where they flirted with each other all the time, touched each other all the time, kissed each other all the time—not on the lips, unfortunately, but Dean wasn’t sure why. Dean knew that Castiel found him attractive. At least enough to check him out blatantly and audibly. Castiel knew that Dean found him attractive, too. But they were pretty much at a standstill, where neither of them had made a move on the other. Dean didn’t know if it was because Castiel expected Dean to do it, or if it was simply because Castiel didn’t really want their friendship to change.

Either way, Dean wished he knew the answer. Of course, Dean knew that getting the answer was as easy as asking Castiel, but he hadn’t gained the courage to do it yet.

As soon as they got out of the truck, Castiel reached for Dean’s hand and laced their fingers as they walked inside. They rented their bowling shoes and found an open lane. Dean wasted no time ordering hot wings, fries, and sodas before he even replaced his boots with the ugly things he’d paid for.

Castiel finished tying his shoes and then raised an eyebrow at Dean. “Are you prepared to lose, Winchester?”

Dean snorted. “Are _you_ prepared to lose, Novak?”

“Please, I remember how badly you did the last time we were here. Have you ever hit a strike in your entire life? Do you know what it’s like to win?”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Oh, you’re so fucking on.”

Castiel grinned, standing up. “Perfect. I’m going first.” Castiel stood in front of Dean, stretching his arms to the ceiling and then flexing the muscles on his arms before bending over to touch the tips of his fingers to his toes. Dean wasn’t sure if this was part of his normal routine, or if Castiel was trying to show off his best assets, but Dean was definitely into it. Castiel’s jeans stretched the longer he bent, and his ass looked perfectly tight in them. Dean bit into his lip, shifting on his seat. When Castiel glanced at him from between his spread legs, he looked so smug that Dean knew he was just being a tease.

Castiel stood up straight again, spinning around to stare at Dean with furrowed eyebrows. “Are you alright, Dean? You’re looking a little flustered.”

Dean gave him his best stoic look. “Fuck you.”

“That’s a little forward of you.”

Despite how much he tried not to, Dean broke into a wide smile. “Okay, shut up and go.”

Finally, Castiel picked up a bowling ball and went to stand in front of their lane, getting into position before he threw the ball, watching it roll with force until it hit the front-centered pin, knocking down all of them at once. A strike on the first try. That bastard would be even more smug now.

When Castiel took his place on the empty seat beside Dean, he gripped Dean’s thigh. “Show me what you’ve got.”

Dean let out a long breath, squinting his eyes at Castiel before he took his turn. Dean grabbed a ball and tried to match Castiel’s position with slightly open legs, angled hips, and firm arms. But when Dean threw the ball, it went to the side, and it rolled down painfully slow, missing all of the pins. Behind him, Dean heard Castiel’s laughter.

Doing his best to ignore Castiel, Dean went for another ball, determined to hit at least one pin this time. Dean stood there for a few seconds, hesitating with the ball in his hands. 

The moment he felt a pair of hands on his hips, Dean jumped, nearly dropping the ball on his feet. It was Castiel, though. Dean could smell his familiar minty scent.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Castiel said softly into Dean’s ear. His hands were strong as they manhandled Dean into a similar position that Castiel had taken during his turn. Castiel shifted Dean’s hips, and then threw a leg in between Dean’s from behind so that Dean spread his legs further. In the meantime, Dean was having a difficult time remembering where they were and what they were doing. Castiel was now circling his arms around Dean’s arms, angling them just right, and when he was satisfied with the position, Castiel whispered, “Much better.”

Dean’s throat was so dry, he thought he might choke, but he managed to swallow and lick his lips. Castiel hadn’t moved yet; his hands had shifted back to Dean’s hips, and Dean could feel his breath on the back of his neck. In a brief, bold moment, Dean arched his back enough to press his ass against Castiel’s crotch. When he heard a hiss from behind, Dean became the smug one. 

Castiel took a few steps back, and Dean wasn’t sure if it was because the contact had affected him more than Dean had imagined, but Dean didn’t turn back to check. Instead, he threw the ball, watching it roll more determined this time, until it knocked down eight pins.

“Hell yeah,” Dean cheered, turning on his heels to see Castiel standing with his arms crossed and a faint smile on his lips. “I guess you _are_ better at this than I am.”

Castiel let out a breathy laugh. “I’m not so sure anymore.” Castiel played his turn, but it took his two turns to knock down all of the pins this time.

When it was Dean’s turn again, Dean looked over his shoulder. Castiel was sitting down again. Dean couldn’t have that. “Hey, Cas? Teach me again. I still don’t have it.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow, and there was a knowing look on his eyes before he approached Dean again from behind. This time, when his hands guided Dean into position, Castiel whispered, “You’re dangerous.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dean whispered back. “I’m just bowling.”

Castiel dug his fingers into Dean’s hips. “Who are you trying to convince?”

Dean shivered, both from Castiel’s words and from the feel of his breath on his neck. He waited until Castiel released him to throw the ball, and he hit his first strike. Dean celebrated by jumping into Castiel’s arms, crushing him to his chest. “I fucking did it, Cas! I did it!”

Castiel laughed. “I taught you well.”

“Hell yeah, you did.”

They finished bowling with Dean only a few points behind Castiel. Dean still felt like a winner. Not only had Dean improved significantly, he’d also gotten manhandled by Castiel the entire time—because Dean kept insisting that Castiel teach him on his every turn. And Castiel was on board to play Dean’s personal bowling coach.

Now they were taking a break to eat. Dean had been so caught up in the thrill of Castiel’s closeness that he’d let their food go cold. Castiel sat close beside Dean, keeping his eyes on him the entire time. There was a playful smile on his lips as he chewed.

“What?” Dean asked, sipping his drink.

Castiel brushed back a stray piece of Dean’s hair. “Are you having a good time?” 

Dean grinned. “I always have a good time with you.”

Castiel held Dean’s gaze for a long moment. “You’re so beautiful.”

Dean looked away, feeling his face heating up embarrassingly fast. The fluttering in his stomach was competing against the hammering of his heart. It was just a compliment. Dean had received countless compliments in his lifetime. But none of them had made them feel this way, like he could lift up off the ground at any second. 

Castiel tilted Dean’s chin up, and Dean flicked his eyes back to Castiel’s. “I love your eyes.”

Dean swallowed hard. “I love yours, too.”

“Yeah?” Castiel’s eyes widened.

“Yeah.”

Castiel moved his hand to cup Dean’s cheek, and his thumb gently brushed over Dean’s cheekbone. “I’m not ready to leave yet.”

“Me neither. Let’s play another game.”

Castiel bit his lower lip. “You’re a lot of fun to play games with.”

Dean could say the same about him.

They moved over to a pool table, choosing the one in the dimly lit corner since all four of them were empty.

Dean knew he wouldn’t need any help with this, which was a bit disappointing. Well, until he asked Castiel how experienced he was at playing pool.

“I’ve never played before,” Castiel answered.

Dean had never felt so lucky. “Alright. It’s my turn to teach you now.”

Castiel met Dean’s gaze and Dean had never seen his eyes so dark. “Then teach me.”

“Why don’t you break?”

“Excuse me?”

Dean smiled, handing Castiel a cue stick. “Break up the pool balls by hitting the one white ball.”

“I can do that.”

“Good.” Dean approached Castiel from behind, circling his arms around his waist, shifting him where he wanted him. Castiel was allowing the movements. Dean knew that Castiel was strong enough that he could easily resist if he didn’t want to be moved around. To take it one step further, Dean inched his hands lower on Castiel’s thighs, angling them as well. Then, he spread Castiel’s legs by pulling on both of his thighs. Dean had never known that all it would take was a bowling and pool night to get this close to Castiel. If he had, he would have suggested they do this a long time ago.

Castiel had been standing very still and quiet while Dean continued moving him. Dean trailed his hands up his thighs slowly but firmly, even though it was absolutely unnecessary. Then, Dean moved his arms around Castiel’s arms, his hands holding onto Castiel’s hands before he dipped Castiel forward on the table, pointing the cue stick where he wanted it. Dean’s mouth was against Castiel’s ear when he spoke. “You’ll want to use your right hand to hold the base of the stick, just like this. That way, you’ll get a good stroke.”

“Well, I’m sure we both want a good stroke.”

Dean would have laughed if his heart wasn’t thumping furiously against his ribcage the closer he got to Castiel. Dean’s dick was practically pressed up entirely against Castiel’s ass, and it felt glorious. “Are you ready?”

“More than ready.” Castiel’s voice was rough and deep.

Dean wanted to bite his ear since it was so close to his mouth, but he resisted, his hands gripping Castiel’s hands instead. “Alright, now we’re gonna hit the ball.” Dean moved the stick, hitting the white ball hard enough to send all of the other balls flying. 

Before Dean could take in the results of the break, he was being pushed up against the closest wall. It took him a few seconds to realize that Castiel had him pinned there by his hips, and he’d let go of the cue stick so he could hold both of Dean’s hands in his, lacing their fingers, before throwing them both above Dean’s head. Castiel's nose touched Dean’s nose, and Dean could feel Castiel’s breath because their lips were only inches apart.

“You’re very handsy,” Castiel said, and the rumbling in his voice was delicious. Dean was making him fall apart. Holy shit. It was happening.

Dean swallowed, lifting his chin to meet Castiel’s hot gaze. Their position had somehow made Castiel taller. “Am I?”

The edge of Castiel’s lips quirked up. “You little shit.”

“And you weren’t handsy earlier?”

Castiel licked his lips, and Dean followed the motion. “I must want something.”

“Maybe I do, too.”

Castiel nosed at Dean’s neck, and Dean lifted his chin even more to give Castiel more room. Castiel’s warm lips pressed a chaste kiss right below Dean’s ear. All Dean could hear anymore was the beating of his heart in his head because it was so loud and so fast, his body was gonna explode any second now. Castiel nosed at Dean’s throat now, painfully slow, teasing, because he knew that Dean was falling apart just like Castiel was. But it was okay, because they were falling together.

The warm press of Castiel’s lips to Dean’s throat, right above his Adam’s apple, made Dean release a heavy, shaky breath that should have been embarrassing, but Dean didn’t really care about that at the moment. Castiel squeezed Dean’s hands—which were still interlaced above Dean’s head—as he pressed another soft kiss on the other side of Dean’s neck. 

Three kisses. 

Castiel had given Dean three kisses. They weren’t even open-mouthed, but Dean had never felt so destroyed this way by three kisses before. Dean would be on the floor right now if it wasn’t for Castiel’s hard hips keeping him pinned against the wall.

Faintly, beyond the quickened heartbeat in his head, Dean could hear a song playing. It sounded familiar. There weren’t any lyrics. Just a beat. It was a ringtone. Oh, shit. It was Castiel’s ringtone.

Castiel released one of Dean’s hands as he dug out his cell phone from his pocket, and he leaned his forehead on Dean’s shoulder as he answered. “Hello?” Dean was surprised by how even his voice sounded all of a sudden.

Dean realized that he was panting, and he did his best to quiet down, but it was difficult when he was still pinned against the wall by Castiel, who hadn’t moved away a single inch.

Castiel lifted his face. “I think it’s due to the teething, but we’ll be right there. No, it’s not a bother. Thank you for calling, Sam. ”

“Is Claire okay?”

Castiel released Dean’s other hand, pushing away from him. “Yes. Sam says she won’t stop crying. I told him it’s probably her teething. We should go.”

Dean nodded, trying to clear his head since Castiel had managed to cloud all of his thoughts with only three kisses. It was impressive, honestly. “Let’s go.”

If they hadn’t been in a hurry, Dean would have stopped at the restroom to splash some cold water on his face. He was sure that he was blushing everywhere. His head felt hot to the touch. Three kisses. That was all it had taken for Dean to lose his fucking mind.

Castiel offered to drive and Dean was grateful because he didn’t think he could remember the way home in his current state. 

Dean tried to keep his eyes on the road and his breathing even, but his mind still wandered to that wall where he’d been just minutes ago, pinned beneath Castiel and his soft lips that Dean wished he could press against his own. 

Castiel turned the radio on and Dean thought he’d really lost his mind when the song _Sleepwalk_ started playing. It was the song they’d slow danced to on Father’s Day. It was their song and it was playing on the radio, mocking them like it knew their little secret. Like it knew that they had both been falling apart in each other’s arms every time they were together.

Neither of them said anything to break the silence, but Dean smiled when Castiel turned the volume up.

When they made it home, Claire was crying her heart out.

Castiel took her in his arms, thanking Sam and Jess for babysitting before taking her into the nursery.

Dean walked Sam and Jess to the door.

“Dean, I’m sorry we had to end your night so soon,” Sam said.

Dean waved a hand. He wasn’t going to tell Sam what he and Castiel had been in the middle of when he’d called. What the hell _had_ they been in the middle of, anyway? What had they been doing the entire night? Shamelessly flirting? “It’s alright, Sammy. Thank you guys for doing this for us.”

“Did you guys at least have fun?” Jess asked, hanging her purse on her shoulder.

Dean smiled, the sensation of Castiel’s lips still present on his neck and throat. “We had a lot of fun, Jess. Seriously, thanks again.”

After saying their goodbyes, Dean went to the nursery where Claire was much calmer now, sitting on the carpet with her rattle in one hand, and her teething ring on the other. Dandy sat in a corner, almost like he was guarding her. Castiel was sitting back on his calves, his eyes glued on Claire.

“Is she okay?” Dean asked, sitting on the carpet beside Castiel, legs crossed.

“I think so,” Castiel said. “I put some Orajel on her gums and she stopped crying.”

Claire threw the ring and rattle on the floor before she crawled to Dean, and Dean picked her up and sat her down on his lap because he knew that was what she wanted. Dean kissed her forehead, which was sweaty from all the crying. 

“Hey, baby girl. You feeling better?”

Claire started babbling again, in the cute way she did that made no sense. 

Dean chuckled, kissing her head this time. “Uncle Sam and Aunt Jess did what? I’m gonna have to talk to them about that.”

Castiel was smiling at them, like he did every time Dean had full on conversations with Claire.

“Are you ready for bed?” Dean asked her.

Claire leaned her head on Dean’s chest and one of her hands gripped Dean’s shirt. Unable to do anything else, Dean wrapped both of his arms tight around her, knowing that she would probably fall asleep any minute now. She liked to fall asleep in Dean’s or Castiel’s arms.

Castiel shifted closer to Dean, throwing an arm around his shoulders. 

“Good night, baby girl,” Dean whispered as Claire’s eyelids fluttered.

Castiel leaned his chin on Dean’s shoulder, humming _Sleepwalk_ into his ear.

**Castiel**

The following day, Castiel woke up with a smile.

The memories from the previous night flooded his mind with the sweet reminder that he’d kissed Dean. Castiel had kissed Dean’s neck and throat while he had him pinned to a wall at a bowling alley. If it hadn’t been for that call, Castiel would have pushed Dean into the closest bathroom stall to have his way with him. The best part was that it was obvious how much Dean wanted Castiel. He could feel it in the prickles of his skin and his shaky breaths. 

Castiel usually slept in most days, especially on weekends. The alarm clock on his nightstand showed that it was 8:46 am and he was wide awake. Dean was most likely up by now. He’d always been an early bird.

After his morning routine in which Castiel made sure to brush his teeth twice in case he got to have Dean’s mouth close to his again, he went into the kitchen. Dean was already in there, making pancakes.

“What are you doing up at this ungodly hour, Novak?” Dean asked, smiling up at him.

Castiel went to lean on the counter close to Dean. He resisted the urge to wrap his arms around Dean’s waist and kiss his shoulder. Despite everything that had happened between them, Castiel wasn’t sure where they stood. “It’s just one of those days, I guess. Is Claire still sleeping?”

“Yeah, you know she went to bed kinda late.”

Castiel licked his lips. “I couldn’t go to sleep last night either. I had too much energy.”

Dean met Castiel’s gaze, eyebrows raised. “Yeah? I wonder why.”

“I think you know.”

Dean chuckled, glancing back at the pancake he was flipping. His cheeks turned slightly pink in that endearing way Castiel loved so much. 

Castiel waited for Dean to say something in response, but it seemed that he wasn’t in the same flirty mood he’d been the night before. Castiel wondered if that meant that Dean had regretted what had happened between them. Had Castiel gone too far? Had Dean not wanted Castiel to kiss him?

Fuck.

Castiel wasn’t going to push Dean towards something he didn’t want. No matter how much Castiel wanted Dean, their friendship was way more important than anything else. So, Castiel decided to back off on the flirting. If Dean wanted to initiate something romantic, then Castiel would be open and willing. But Castiel wouldn’t make another move until Dean indicated that he was ready for that. 

Castiel was sure about his feelings for Dean, but he didn’t know if Dean was sure of his feelings for Castiel. He was willing to wait however long it took for Dean to figure it out.

Two weeks went by without anything else happening between them.

Castiel would be lying if he said he wasn’t growing worried. He thought that if he gave Dean some space, Dean would eventually come around. Maybe two weeks just weren’t enough for Dean to make up his mind. Maybe Dean needed much more time. And that was okay. Castiel had to learn to be patient. But the uncertainty was killing him. 

Of course, every time Castiel brought up Dean to Jody, her advice remained the same: _Talk to Dean about your feelings_.

Right. Communication was important. Castiel knew that. But this was Dean, and as easily as Castiel could be around Dean, he could also be a complete nervous wreck. Because Dean excited Castiel. Just the sight of him sent his heart racing, almost like a Pavlovian reaction. His heart always expected Dean’s touch and Dean’s touch felt incredible. Castiel wanted Dean to touch him everywhere, anywhere. 

But again, Castiel would not make another move again. The ball was on Dean’s court now.

It was late when Castiel was reading on the couch with Dandy when Dean sat down beside him. Claire was already in bed and this was usually the quiet time Castiel liked to take advantage of to do something fun. In Castiel’s case, reading was the funnest activity he could think of doing.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean asked.

“Yes?” Castiel looked at Dean over his book.

“Sam and Jess just got back from France and they invited me to dinner tomorrow at some fancy Italian restaurant. I told them I’d go. I was wondering if you wanted to join us. Charlie and Rosa can babysit Claire. I already asked them.”

The year prior, Sam and Jess had decided to postpone their France trip until this year due to everything that had happened with Dean. 

Castiel smiled. “So, you already planned the entire thing?”

“It wasn’t my plan,” Dean said, narrowing his eyes. “It was Sam and Jess who came up with the idea.”

“Sure, I’ll go.”

Dean beamed, lifting his socked feet on the couch and throwing them over Castiel’s lap. Dandy lifted her head in acknowledgement, but then she set it back down, going back to sleep. “Sam asked me to dress up. Maybe I can borrow your navy blazer.”

Castiel flipped the page on his book. “Of course. Look through my closet. You can borrow anything you want.”

“Awesome. It’s kinda weird that they wanted to meet me at some fancy restaurant, isn’t it? They usually just invite me to eat at their place, or they come to eat here.” Dean was quiet for a beat, and then he gasped. “What if Jess is pregnant?”

Castiel put his bookmark in his book, closed it, and set it on the coffee table. “I really doubt it. Sam and Jess have been very clear that they don’t want children yet.”

“Accidents happen, Cas.”

“I don’t think they would happen to Jess. Have you met her?”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I just think it’s kinda odd. But we’ll see tomorrow what surprise they have for us.”

“I’m sure they just want to take you out for a nice dinner. Are you sure I should come along?”

“Yes, I’m sure, Cas. You’re always my plus one.”

Castiel liked the thought of always being Dean’s plus one. That had to be a good sign. “Alright. If you say so.” Castiel picked up his book again, opening it to the page he’d marked.

Dean knew by now that even though Castiel was doing his own thing, it didn’t mean that he didn’t want Dean’s company. 

So, Dean stayed. 

The amount of self-restraint it took for Castiel to keep his mouth and hands off of Dean in his navy blazer was impressive. 

Dean had combed his hair to the side, looking like a young Leonardo Dicaprio in Titanic, and Castiel’s heart skipped a beat. Paired up with dark jeans and Dean’s favorite black boots, Dean was looking like a dream that Castiel never wanted to wake up from. 

Maybe Castiel _should_ tell Dean how desperately he wanted to kiss him just to see what Dean would say, just to see if Dean wanted the same thing. Now wasn’t the time, though. They were on their way to a restaurant to meet up with Sam and Jess. 

Dean was driving, which was making it so easy for Castiel to stare at his profile the entire drive there. Not even the music was helping to distract him. Every song could relate to Dean. That was probably because Castiel’s mind was just DEAN, DEAN, DEAN at the moment.

After Dean parked, he glanced at Castiel with a wide smile. “You look handsome.”

Castiel was wearing a simple black blazer over a white v-neck. But the fact that Dean thought he looked handsome made Castiel blush. When was he not a blushing idiot around Dean anymore? “Thank you, Dean. So do you.”

“Let’s go inside. I’m starving.”

The moment Castiel spotted their table, with Sam and Jess sitting on one side, and a beautiful brunette woman on the opposite side, with only one empty chair beside her, Castiel knew that he had made a big mistake by tagging along.

Before Castiel could try to make his escape before anyone saw him, Dean was already greeting everyone at the table. Castiel had no choice but to follow behind him.

Upon seeing him, Sam and Jess looked as mortified as Castiel felt.

“Castiel,” Sam said, looking from him to the woman like he didn’t know what to do about the situation.

Castiel would spare them all the trouble. “Hello, everyone. I just came to drop off Dean. I’ll see you all later.”

“No,” Dean said, quickly grabbing Castiel’s wrist before he could get away. “I invited Cas, and he’s joining us for dinner.”

“That’s okay,” Jess said, smiling politely. “Dean, we invited someone, too. Meet Rhonda Hurley. She’s a nurse at my hospital.”

Dean glanced at Rhonda, his eyes going wide when he saw her—and Castiel pushed down the ping of jealousy he felt at that—before shaking her hand. “Nice to meet you, Rhonda. I’m Dean.”

Rhonda’s handshake lasted far too long before she released Dean’s hand. “I’ve heard so much about you, Dean. Come sit.”

“We need an extra chair,” Dean said, still gripping Castiel’s wrist. After flagging down a waiter and asking for a fifth chair, which the waiter kindly placed on the end of the table, Dean finally sat down beside Rhonda.

Castiel already knew this night would be horribly awkward.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t really catch your name,” Rhonda said to Castiel. 

“Castiel,” he said, shaking her hand across the table, trying to come up with a good excuse to run out of this restaurant while garnering the least amount of attention.

“Castiel is Dean’s friend,” Sam explained and then laughed forcefully. “The more the merrier, right?”

“I see,” Rhonda said. “Are you expecting a date as well, Castiel?”

It was Dean’s turn to laugh forcefully. “Absolutely not.”

Rhonda grinned, her lips a deep red and her teeth blindingly white. She looked flawless, and she had been brought here as Dean’s date. Leaving Castiel as not the third wheel, but the fifth wheel. How much worse could this get?

“Would you excuse me?” Rhonda asked, grabbing her purse. “I need to find the bathroom.”

Jess stood as well. “I’ll go with you.”

Once the two of them left, Dean pinched the bridge of his nose before glaring at Sam. “What the fuck, Sammy? You set this whole thing up?”

“Dean, you’ve been single for too long. I figured it was time that you met someone new. And Rhonda is super nice and sweet. She’s one of Jess’s closest friends at work. We thought you two would hit it off.”

“You gotta talk to me about these things beforehand, Sammy,” Dean insisted. “If I had known I was walking into a blind date, I wouldn’t have brought Cas. No, actually, I wouldn’t have come at all.”

“I should go,” Castiel said, ready to stand up, but Dean gripped his wrist again.

“No, Cas, you’re not going anywhere. I want you here. I didn’t wanna be set up on a date.”

Sam looked over his shoulder, and he spotted Jess and Rhonda making their way back to the table, so when he spoke, he did it fast. “Dean, just give her a chance. Do it for me. If it’s not a good match, I’ll understand. Just _try_. Please?”

Dean let out a long breath. “Fine. But I’m not happy about this.”

When Rhonda took her seat beside Dean again, she leaned in way too close to him as she asked him what he did for a living, where he was from, the normal first date questions. Castiel sipped his glass of water, since at least he had the small mercy of having water available already. 

As Dean answered Rhonda, keeping his distance from her, Castiel felt Dean’s hand under the table, gripping Castiel’s thigh possessively. There was no indication that Dean was doing this because he hadn’t even looked away from Rhonda, but Dean’s hand was firm and Castiel doubted it would move at all. 

And so, the longest night of Castiel’s life went on. Castiel only ordered a salad for dinner because he’d completely lost his appetite due to the fact that Dean was on a fucking date and Castiel was there to watch. 

“You have a daughter?” Rhonda asked, after Dean brought Claire up casually.

“I do, yeah,” Dean said. “She’s mine and Cas’s.”

Rhonda looked taken aback by this information. “You two have a daughter.”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “Cas and I live together, and we have a beautiful daughter. I have pictures, if you wanna see her.”

Sam and Jess looked at each other like they knew the date was unsalvageable at this point.

But Dean still pulled out his phone with his free hand and showed Rhonda all of the hundreds of pictures he had of Claire. Castiel had to give it to Rhonda, because she was very polite despite the fact that she had obviously lost romantic interest in Dean. 

When it was time for dessert, Castiel excused himself to go to the restroom. He didn’t even have to go, so he just stood in front of the sink, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He couldn’t believe that he’d ended up being Dean’s third wheel tonight. And to think that he’d gotten all dressed up for this. 

Castiel loosened his tie and then turned around to find Dean standing a few feet away from him. He hadn’t heard him come in. “Hello, Dean.”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Hey.”

Castiel lifted his chin. “Your date is beautiful.”

Dean gave Castiel a look. “I didn’t wanna be on this date. You heard me telling Sam, didn’t you?”

Castiel shrugged, leaning back until he hit the sink, and then he gripped the counter with both hands. “I heard you.” He swallowed. “Listen, Dean, you’re free to do whatever you want.” He wasn’t sure why he was saying this. Maybe to save what was left of his dignity.

Dean closed the distance between them. Then his hands gripped Castiel’s hips, drawing him even closer until Castiel could feel Dean’s breath on his cheeks. “I don’t wanna be free to do whatever I want. You ever think about that?”

Castiel was finding it hard to think about anything at the moment other than how close Dean was standing to him. “Dean.”

Dean nosed at Castiel’s neck, his hands sliding to the small of Castiel’s back. “I like it when you say my name.”

_I like it when you say mine._ If Castiel could form a coherent sentence that was what he’d say. 

Dean pressed his lips gently below Castiel’s ear. It was the softest touch, more like a caress than a kiss. Castiel closed his eyes and bit his lip to keep a whimper inside. And then again, a second press of the lips a little lower. Dean’s hands tightened as his teeth grazed Castiel’s skin before the next kiss.

The restroom door opened and Dean took four steps back, leaving Castiel breathless and slightly dazed. It was Sam, who went to stand between them with his arms crossed.

“Guys, why are you hiding in here?” Sam asked, looking from Castiel to Dean. “We’ve been waiting on you two to start eating our cheesecake.”

Dean was still staring at Castiel. “We’ll be right out, Sammy.”

Castiel nodded. “Yes, we will.”

“Alright, just hurry up.” Sam rolled his eyes. “How are you guys not sick of each other? You live together.”

As soon as Sam left, Dean broke into a smile. Castiel returned it. 

Dean motioned to the door. “Come on.”

The rest of the evening wasn’t as awful as the beginning had been. They ate their dessert, making awkward small talk. Castiel found it hard to stop gazing at Dean, who was already gazing at him. Castiel could still feel Dean’s lips on his neck. He wondered what else Dean would have done if they hadn’t been interrupted. Castiel wished that they’d had one more minute alone. It might take Dean another two weeks to make a move on Castiel again.

“It’s getting late,” Rhonda said as soon as the check was paid. “I should head home. I have an early shift tomorrow.”

“I’m sure Dean would love to walk you to your car,” Sam said.

Dean gave Sam a hard look, but then he smiled at Rhonda. “Sure, I can walk you to your car.” It was only then that Dean let go of Castiel, but not before looking apologetically at him. Castiel understood, despite being subjected to this dinner. Dean walked with Rhonda out of the restaurant, leaving behind an uncomfortable silence.

Jess was the one brave enough to break it. “I’m so sorry, Castiel. We had no idea that Dean would invite you. Not that we didn’t want to see you. But you get it, right? Dean has been alone for so long. We were hoping that Rhonda could help him move on from all that awful stuff that happened to him.”

Castiel nodded. “I get it. You don’t owe me any explanations.”

“I really doubt Rhonda is interested anymore,” Sam said. “This date was a bust.”

“I have other friends,” Jess said.

Castiel didn’t want to say anything because it wasn’t his place, but he couldn’t stop the words from coming out. “Maybe Dean has already moved on.”

“You think?” Sam asked.

“Yes,” Castiel said, and he hoped it wasn’t just wishful thinking.

“Has he said anything to you?” Sam asked.

“Well, no, but I just think that when Dean is ready to date again, he’ll be the one to take the initiative,” Castiel said. And by that, Castiel meant: _When Dean is ready to date again, maybe he’ll let me know first._

Sam looked surprised by this. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

When Dean came back to the table, he slumped down on his chair, rubbing his face. “Sammy, you’re ruining my plans.”

“What plans?” Sam asked.

Dean looked at Castiel, and then back at Sam. “Never mind. I’m ready for this night to end.”

Sam frowned. “Did you at least think she was cute?”

Dean groaned. “It doesn’t matter if she was cute. She could have been a supermodel. I’m really not interested in dating her. I’m sorry, guys. But you really don’t have to worry about me or my love life.”

“Are you sure?” Jess asked with a hopeful smile. “Because there are a lot of other people we’ve thought of setting you up with.”

“I’m not interested, really,” Dean said, and then he looked at Castiel again. “Cas, are you ready to go home?”

“Definitely,” Castiel said, already out of his seat. He thanked Sam and Jess for dinner, and then he was, finally, heading out the door.

In the truck, Dean drove with the windows rolled down and the music playing quietly in the background. He hadn’t said a word since they’d climbed inside.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean mumbled.

“Don’t be sorry. You didn’t know.”

“I know, but I wish you hadn’t gone through that. Maybe I should have let you go home without me. This was so stupid. I don’t wanna date anyone.”

“No?”

“You know what I mean.”

Castiel took a deep breath before his hand found Dean’s thigh, and he gripped it the same way Dean had all night.

  
  


**Dean**

The night had felt endless.

After saying goodbye to Charlie and Rosa, Dean went to check on Claire, who was sound asleep in her crib. Then Dean went to the kitchen where Castiel was eating his favorite—rocky road ice cream topped with whipped cream. They hadn’t had dessert at the restaurant.

“Ice cream is probably the only thing that can save this night,” Dean said.

Castiel laughed softly. “Want some?” Castiel took another mouthful. A bit of chocolate got smeared on the corner of his mouth and it looked absolutely endearing.

Unable to stop himself, Dean wiped the chocolate with his thumb. Castiel’s lips parted, and he lowered the spoon back into the bowl. Dean’s heart was going wild just by standing this close to Castiel, by having his thumb so close to his lips. Dean lowered his hand and then licked his own lips. Immediately, Castiel’s eyes dropped to Dean’s mouth, following the action. When Castiel’s gaze met Dean’s again, his eyes were so blue they looked surreal.

Without thinking, Dean grabbed the back of Castiel’s neck, pulling him in until their mouths were crushed together. He hadn’t been expecting for Castiel to wrap his arms tightly around Dean’s waist or for him to crush Dean against his chest as his tongue licked Dean’s lips, urging them to open. With a sigh, Dean allowed Castiel’s tongue into his mouth, and it became very familiar with Dean’s tongue. Dean ran his other hand down Castiel’s firm torso and then snuck it under Castiel’s shirt, feeling warm skin. God, why did this feel so right? Dean had imagined this moment so many times, but he’d never thought it would feel this good. Castiel was making these quiet, sinful noises, a mixture of whines and moans as he deepened the kiss.

Castiel moved one of his hands to cup Dean’s cheek, his thumb moving softly against his cheekbone. His other hand tangled in the back of Dean’s shirt, his grip unmovable. Castiel was fully pressing Dean against the kitchen counter now, slamming his body fully over Dean’s, and Dean could feel a growing bulge in Castiel’s pants when it touched his thigh. Dean had made Castiel’s hard. Holy shit. Dean groaned, accidentally biting Castiel’s lip, but it only seemed to excite Castiel further.

“Cas,” Dean gasped, pulling away while Castiel chased his lips. There was nothing but hunger in Castiel’s dark blue eyes. That combined with his swollen red lips made Castiel look a thousand times more irresistible. But now that this was so real, Dean was suddenly terrified. Their entire friendship was on the line, for God’s sake. So, he pushed Castiel off of him and tried to walk away. He didn’t get very far because Castiel still held him by the waist, refusing to let him go.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Castiel’s voice was a low gravel that shook Dean to his core. “You’re not walking away from me after that.”

Dean avoided Castiel’s gaze as he allowed Castiel to draw him in even more. Castiel had both of his hands on Dean’s hips and he was looking straight at Dean, unrelenting. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I disagree.”

Dean shook his head, finally meeting Castiel’s eyes, which were so kind and patient that it made the entire situation that much harder. “I shouldn’t feel…” Love. So much love. Neverending, bottomless, infinite love.

“Why not?” Castiel challenged, lifting his chin. 

Dean didn’t know how to argue with Castiel when he had him this close, when he could feel his breath on his cheek every time he spoke. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing for something we both want.”

Dean blinked, amazed at how sure Castiel had sounded. “You’re serious? I mean, you—you want me?”

Castiel actually rolled his eyes. “Dean, you’d have to be blind not to see that. No. Even if you couldn’t see the way I see you, you’d know by the way I touch you.”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, trying to come up with a good excuse for this not to work. “I thought you were straight.”

“Well, that clearly isn’t true.” Castiel pressed his forehead against Dean’s. “I would like to explore this. Wouldn’t you?”

_Hell fucking yeah_. Dean licked his lips again. “Yeah. Yeah, I really would.”

Castiel smiled, wide and beautiful, and Dean couldn’t believe it was due to him. “Great. We don’t have to rush into it, though. We can go slow.”

Dean would definitely need some time to adjust to the fact that he could have this, that Castiel wanted Dean in the same way. Well, maybe not as desperately. Because it was getting embarrassing how easily Dean could turn into putty just by being in close proximity to Castiel. “Okay. Yeah, let’s go slow, Cas.”

Castiel pressed his lips to Dean’s again, soft and chaste. The kiss was so gentle and sweet that Dean thought he would fall over, so he wrapped his arms around Castiel’s neck for support. 

“I always knew you’d be a great kisser,” Castiel said.

Castiel had thought about this? How much?

Then Castiel’s lips moved to Dean’s jaw below his ear, and Castiel pressed a hot trail of kisses down his jaw, leading to his throat. Dean threw his head back to allow Castiel more room, and Castiel moved his mouth down Dean’t throat with slow but confident kisses.

Dean curled his fingers in Castiel’s hair, his breathing quickening as Castiel moved his now open mouth to Dean’s neck, the hint of teeth nipping at the skin before sucking it hard. Dean couldn’t help the moan that escaped his throat. Castiel was driving him crazy with his mouth—what the ever loving fuck! Castiel’s hands remained firm on Dean’s hips as his mouth continued its journey on Dean’s neck, making it hard for Dean to keep a clear head. Dean was so lost in the feeling that he forgot where he was or who he was. All he knew was that Castiel’s hot mouth was on him and it felt fucking fantastic.

“You taste so good,” Castiel whispered, voice rough in Dean’s ear.

Dean shivered, biting his lower lip.

Then Castiel’s mouth was back on Dean’s mouth, tasting him some more. None of it was hurried, although it was passionate. Castiel kissed Dean like Dean was his only object of desire and Castiel couldn’t get enough of him. Castiel kissed Dean like he wanted to make sure Dean never forgot the shape of Castiel’s lips or the feel of his tongue. Castiel kissed Dean like he’d been dying to kiss him for months and now that he finally got to do this, he wasn’t going to stop until he got his fill. And all Dean could do was stand there and kiss him back with the same fervor.

Dean wasn’t sure how much time passed as they continued kissing slowly and deeply against the kitchen counter. All he knew was that he’d never been kissed like this. Like Dean was the most important person in the world at the moment. Like Dean mattered. Castiel seemed to gain pleasure just by getting Dean to gasp or pant or groan. Dean was sure of this because every time he did it, Castiel smiled during the kiss. But Dean wanted to hear the same noises from Castiel, too. So he aligned his body at just the right place, rubbing his thigh against that bulge in Castiel’s pants he’d felt earlier. Not only did Castiel moan long and loud, he bucked his hips against Dean’s, sucking Dean’s lower lip between both of his.

Satisfied with that reaction, Dean pulled away, smiling when Castiel chased his lips yet again. “We were gonna take it slow, remember?”

Castiel raised an eyebrow, breathing heavily. “You’re not playing fair.”

“I’m not playing at all.”

Castiel pressed his forehead on Dean’s shoulder and groaned. “I need a cold shower.”

Dean laughed softly, carding his fingers through Castiel’s hair. “Me too.”

“I should go do that now.” Castiel lifted his head, hair standing in all different directions. There was a small pout on his lips, and Dean couldn’t stop himself from giving him a quick peck. It worked because Castiel was smiling again. “Good night, Dean.”

“Good night, Cas.”

Dean stood in the kitchen, watching Castiel walking away from him with lips red and swollen, freshly kissed and disheveled, and it was all due to Dean. Castiel had gotten hard just from kissing Dean, and that was exciting. But if they were going to take it slow, Dean would have to get used to cold showers.

After putting away the ice cream, Dean went to his room, and he just lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling as he thought about the many kisses he’d shared with Castiel and the promise of more in the future. Dean smiled so hard it hurt his face, but he didn’t care. When Dean licked his lips, he could still taste the chocolate from Castiel’s mouth. Dean couldn’t remember ever having such an amazing first kiss. He’d felt it all over his body.

Before his thoughts made it more difficult, Dean took a shower. And yeah, he made it a cold one because it was necessary. It was impossible not to think about Castiel and Castiel’s lips and Castiel’s tongue and Castiel’s hands as he washed his body, wondering if Castiel was showering at the same time, too. But thinking about Castiel in the shower completely naked was making the cold shower pointless, so Dean decided to put Castiel out of his mind until he got in bed, at least.

After the shower, Dean dressed in his _Dr. Sexy_ pajamas before laying in bed to stare up at the ceiling. He didn’t think he’d be able to get any sleep tonight because he was full of adrenaline, even after the shower. So, his bedroom light was still on when he heard the soft knock at his door.

Dean sat up against his headboard before letting out a quiet, “Come in.”

Castiel opened the door, standing awkwardly on the doorway, hair wet from his shower and wearing his customary blue pajama set. “I saw your light on. Can’t sleep?”

Dean shook his head.

Castiel stepped all the way inside, closing the door behind him. But he didn’t go up to Dean’s bed. Instead, Castiel walked over to Dean’s bookshelf, fingerprints brushing the spines of the titles. His hand settled on one of his own books and he picked it up, flipping through it. His eyes went wide before he glanced at Dean. “You added comments?”

Dean wasn’t usually the type of person to mark up his books, but he’d done it for all of Castiel’s because there was so much he wanted to say about them. Even though he had the actual author to answer his questions and share his commentary with, it felt natural to make the comments on the margins of the book. “Yeah, I hope you don’t mind.”

Castiel was smiling, reading something Dean had written down. “You called me a ‘fucking genius’ right here.”

“Well, you kinda are,” Dean said. “I just didn’t wanna tell you ‘cause you already have such a big head.”

Castiel chuckled, putting the book back on the shelf. Then, he walked to Dean’s dresser, picking up the framed photograph he’d given him on Christmas where Dean was carrying Claire in her red dress. “I love this picture.”

“So do I.”

Castiel set the photograph down. This time, he walked to Dean’s nightstand, his curiosity taking him closer to Dean each time. On Dean’s dresser was Doug the Dog, Ben’s favorite toy that had been left behind. Dean liked keeping him close to him as a reminder of his son, wherever he was. Castiel smiled as his fingers brushed over the dog’s ear. And then, Castiel casually sat on Dean’s bed, his back against the headboard as well.

Now that he had him so close, Dean could smell Castiel’s green apples shampoo, always with a hint of peppermint. Dean had his legs stretched out over the blanket and Castiel matched the position, leaving his hand open between them, like he was hoping for Dean to hold it. Dean did, playing with Castiel’s hand like he often did.

Castiel faced Dean, clear blue eyes intense. “I have to confess that I was jealous at dinner tonight.”

Dean had been worried about that. The last thing Dean had wanted was to cause Castiel any grief, especially not in the way of jealousy. “Cas, I’m sorry. You know I didn’t want to be on that date. Do you seriously think I would look at anyone else when I have you in front of me? You have no idea what you do to me.”

When Castiel spoke again, it was in a whisper. “Tell me.”

“You make me feel safe,” Dean said, softly. “The best part of my day is coming home to you. Every time you look at me, like you’re doing now, I feel warm inside. I feel seen. I think you’re one of the few people who truly know me.” Dean lifted his other hand, his fingertips touching Castiel’s parted lips. His breath was hot against his skin. “And your lips nearly destroyed me tonight. I can’t stop thinking about the way we kissed.”

Castiel kissed Dean’s fingers before he lowered his hand, and then he kissed Dean’s lips in another chaste kiss, cupping Dean’s cheek so carefully that Dean felt like porcelain. The kiss was languid and full of unspoken emotion, and it was, somehow, better than all the other kisses they’d shared before. When Castiel’s tongue entered Dean’s lips, licking the roof of Dean’s mouth, Dean reached his hand out blindly to grasp Castiel’s hip and draw him closer. Castiel went easily, his hand moving from Dean’s cheek to the back of his head, fingers digging into his hair as the kiss deepened.

“Fuck,” Dean gasped for air, leaning back slightly. “I love your lips.”

Castiel’s laughter was low and rough like his voice before he kissed Dean again and, this time, it felt more insistent and determined. Castiel tugged Dean’s waist until they both ended up laying completely horizontal in bed, both of them on their sides facing each other, never breaking out of the kiss. Castiel’s hand was under Dean’s shirt now, touching Dean’s stomach, which was more pudgy than firm, and Dean broke the kiss again.

“What is it?” Castiel asked against Dean’s lips.

Dean shook his head. “It’s just—I don’t know. I teased you about your hot abs before, but your torso is much nicer than mine.”

Castiel frowned, his hand flat on Dean’s stomach now. “You have no reason to be self-conscious with me, Dean. I want to know every part of you. Not to judge it. To praise it. The way you deserve to be praised.”

Dean couldn’t help but blush, lowering his head to hide the redness from his face.

Castiel pushed Dean onto his back, and then rolled on top of him, reaching for both of Dean’s hands to lace their fingers together. Castiel held Dean’s gaze now that he had him where he wanted him. “You are so beautiful. Don’t hide from me, please. I want to see you.”

Dean swallowed. No one had ever made him feel like this. Like he truly _was_ beautiful. Like he had no flaws. Like he should be unabashedly confident. “How are you real?”

Castiel closed the distance between them to kiss Dean’s lips again, releasing Dean’s hands so he could cradle Dean’s face as he continued kissing him. “I could ask you the same thing,” he whispered before kissing him again.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist, his hands on the small of Castiel’s back under his shirt. He could feel Castiel’s back muscles flexing with every movement, and it was exhilarating.

“This is slow, right?” Castiel asked before he pressed his open mouth to Dean’s collarbone. 

“Yeah, we’ll call it slow,” Dean gasped since Castiel’s teeth had bitten down on the space between his neck and shoulder. 

Castiel’s tongue licked the sensitive area before he sucked hard on it, no doubt to leave a big hickey behind. Meanwhile, Castiel’s hands had run down Dean’s sides, slipping under his shirt, halfway up his torso, fingertips digging into skin.

Dean lifted one of his hands to the back of Castiel’s head as Castiel continued sucking on Dean’s neck like it was his one and only duty to leave a mark on Dean. But damn, it felt so fucking good that all Dean could do was give Castiel more room to work with.

When Castiel seemed to be satisfied with his work, he lifted his head, a giddy smile on his lips before he kissed Dean’s cheekbone.

“Do I get to give you one, too?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Castiel said, excitedly.

Dean pulled Castiel down by the neck, and he kissed down his neck before he found the spot that made Castiel gasp and then nipped it, though gentler than Castiel had done to him. And then, he sucked on the skin there, earning himself a moan from Castiel that sent a shiver down Dean’s spine. As Dean continued sucking on Castiel’s neck, giving him a hickey like they were in high school, Castiel just buried his face in Dean’s neck, emitting soft sighs of pleasure.

When Dean was done, he kissed Castiel’s neck again because Castiel seemed to like it so much. Castiel stayed very still the entire time Dean pressed his lips gently to his neck, like he didn’t want it to end. Dean wondered if Castiel had fallen asleep after a while, but there was a groan of protest when Dean stopped kissing him. Dean laughed, barely pulling away.

“Always so greedy,” Dean said.

“I just like you,” Castiel said, his face still buried in Dean’s neck, so his words were a little muffled.

“I like you, too.”

“Good.”

Dean laughed again. And then yawned, surprised that he was actually getting sleepy despite how heightened all his senses had become recently. Dean supposed it was due to the full weight on top of him that was working better than any weighted blanket ever could. Castiel was helping Dean relax despite also making him completely alert. Talk about paradoxes.

“You’re tired,” Castiel said.

“Aren’t you?”

“A little.”

“We should sleep.”

That got Castiel’s attention, finally lifting his head to look at Dean. “Yes, we should.”

Castiel rolled off of him, and then dug the blanket out from under them before draping it over them both. He fluffed his pillow and settled down comfortably on his back. 

Dean smiled. “I’ve never seen someone look more excited at the thought of sleeping than you.”

“This is a special night,” Castiel said. “It’s worth the excitement.”

Dean had to get out of bed to turn off the light switch, but when he came back and laid on his back, Castiel draped an arm and a leg over him. Dean shouldn’t have expected anything less. All he could do was smile in the dark. It took a few seconds for Dean’s heart to calm down at the thought of sleeping in bed with Castiel, for real this time. 

“Good night, Dean,” Castiel said against Dean’s ear.

“Good night, Cas.”

Dean knew with certainty that it was a good night.

  
  


**Castiel**

The morning brought back all of the memories of the previous night, so Castiel awoke with a smile. Dean was the first thing Castiel saw and from this close his freckles were far more visible. There were so many freckles on the top part of Dean’s face. Castiel counted twenty-two, but that was only on one side. He didn’t think he’d ever laid eyes on a more gorgeous man before. No other man could ever compare to Dean’s beauty. With his eyes closed, his long lashes looked fine and delicate. His full, parted lips were a perfect shade of pink, and so kissable. Even his nose was perfectly round, matching the rest of his excellent features.

Unable to resist, Castiel kissed Dean’s temple, and Dean stirred but didn’t wake up. Dean was now lying on his side with his back pressed against Castiel’s chest. Castiel had both his arm and leg draped over Dean, like he’d worried throughout the night that Dean would disappear. That was possible. Dean’s angel wings tattoo was visible on his bicep, and Castiel pressed a kiss over it. No one had ever honored Castiel in the way of a tattoo before, and it made sense for Dean to be the first one to do it since he’d truly always been Castiel’s muse. 

That last kiss managed to wake Dean up, and he mumbled incoherently, wiping his mouth where drool was starting to drip down. Castiel thought it was endearing, and he felt privileged to be able to witness Dean drooling in bed. 

“Were you watching me sleep?” Dean asked, shifting onto his back. Dean squinted his eyes open, looking at Castiel.

“Yes,” Castiel admitted. “If you must know, watching you is nicer than watching the sunrise.”

“How are you hitting on me this early in the morning?” Dean yawned, rubbing his eyes with the bottom of his palms. “I was just drooling.”

Castiel chuckled. “I know. I love that.”

“You’re weird, Cas.”

“And you love it.”

Dean didn’t deny it. When he tried to sit up, Castiel held him down, not ready to let him start his day just yet. “I gotta check on Claire.”

“Just give me one minute of your time first, please.”

Dean looked at Castiel, eyes fully open this time. “What do you plan on doing in this one minute?”

Castiel grinned before he pulled Dean’s face close and kissed his mouth, disregarding morning breath or the bit of drool Dean still hadn’t cleared. Nothing mattered when he got to kiss Dean first thing in the morning. Dean kissed him back, taking hold of Castiel’s hip securely as he returned all of Castiel’s languid kisses. Castiel had fantasized about kissing Dean plenty of times before, but those fantasies could never measure up to the reality. Dean was a sensual kisser, even when he didn’t try. Kissing Dean was a spiritual experience that elevated Castiel to the fucking clouds. Dean moved his lips just right against Castiel’s lips, always capturing them perfectly, sending shocks of pleasure all the way to Castiel’s dick. This kiss was only making Castiel’s morning wood worse. Or better. Probably better.

It wasn’t purely accidental when Castiel pressed said morning wood against Dean’s thigh and hissed in response. But Dean didn’t seem to mind, gripping Castiel’s hip tighter and kissing Castiel deeper. Castiel bucked his hips against Dean’s thigh again, and the friction made his cock harder and harder. Castiel moaned, but Dean swallowed the sound. Needing something to hold onto, Castiel grabbed Dean’s waist as he arched his back and rubbed his erection against Dean’s thigh again, and again, and again. There were too many layers between them. In the back of Castiel’s mind, he faintly remembered their promise of taking things slow. But Castiel couldn’t remember why on earth they had agreed on such a stupid thing when they could be doing this instead.

“Cas, wait,” Dean said, pulling back, making Castiel chase his lips like he had many times already. Dean was panting heavily, just like Castiel, and he waited a beat before speaking again. “We’re getting ahead of ourselves.”

Castiel realized his erection was still fully pressed up against Dean’s thigh, and he was finding it hard to move away from him, but he took a deep breath and shifted back. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Dean said. “I just think it’s good to take things slow. We’ve been friends for so long. And as much as I might want this, I don’t want to rush our relationship. What we have, it’s important to me.”

Castiel breathed another long breath. “So, you’re saying no sex for us yet?”

Dean swallowed. “Yeah, I guess that’s what I’m saying. Are you okay with that?”

Castiel had waited so long to even kiss Dean. He could wait to have sex with him, too. “I’m okay with that.”

“Good.” Dean kissed Castiel again, but just once. “I’m flattered that this sleepy version of me turns you on so much, though.”

“Are you kidding? Every version of you turns me on.”

“Wait until you see my ass tattoo.”

Castiel’s eyes widened, and he held his breath.

Dean cracked a smile. “I’m messing with you. I know you’d love that.”

Castiel glared. “That’s not funny. I haven’t even touched your ass yet and you’re already teasing me with it.”

“You can touch my ass.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Dean grabbed Castiel’s hand and moved it to his right buttcheek. 

With a sly grin, Castiel squeezed as hard as he could, and he was satisfied to find that Dean’s ass was as round and firm as he’d always imagined. He pictured himself biting it, but then regretted that visual because he wasn’t supposed to get ahead of himself. “Nice.”

“You like?”

“ _I like_.”

Dean grinned. “I’m glad you do. Now let me go check on Claire.” Dean climbed on top of Castiel in order to get out of bed, stopping to plant a brief kiss on Castiel’s forehead. 

After Dean left, Castiel remained in bed, staring up at the ceiling thinking about how lovely it had been to wake up in bed with Dean. He closed his eyes and he could still taste Dean in his mouth. Castiel was in love with Dean. It was impossible to deny it. He’d talked it through at therapy so many times already. He’d talked it through in his head to Amelia, too. At first, Castiel had been worried that this was happening too soon. That he needed to mourn Amelia for longer before his wild heart chased after another person. But being in love with Dean now didn’t erase any of the love he’d felt, and would continue feeling, for Amelia. Castiel had opened up to the possibility of falling in love with Dean a long time ago, knowing that this would make him undoubtedly happy. And he’d been right. He knew that Amelia wouldn’t want Castiel to stop living his life after her passing. And Castiel didn’t think he could have chosen someone better to put his love and trust on. Dean had always fit so perfectly in Castiel’s life, and that wouldn’t ever change.

Eventually, Castiel made it out of bed, and he went through his morning routine before he stepped into the kitchen where Dean was making breakfast while Claire sat in her high chair at the table.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Dean said, smiling widely as he flipped a pancake.

“Good morning,” Castiel said, sitting at the table beside Claire, who had a teething ring in her mouth. Castiel leaned in to kiss the top of her head, and he smiled when Claire started babbling incoherently.

During breakfast, Castiel reminded Dean of their lunch plans.

“That was today?” Dean asked, mouth full.

Castiel nodded. “Yes, remember we invited Charlie and Rosa for subs and lemonade this Saturday. You were very insistent on it.”

Dean sighed. “I completely forgot. I don’t even know if we have lemons.”

“I picked some up a few days ago. I didn’t forget.”

“Thank God.” 

Castiel grinned at the visible dark purple mark on Dean’s neck. Castiel had done a pretty good job on it. Maybe it was juvenile to leave a hickey on someone, but Castiel had been sucked into the moment at the time, and he hadn’t cared at all. In morning light, he wondered if Dean would feel uncomfortable at showing the love mark to their guests. But Castiel figured since Dean hadn’t brought it up, he was alright with it. So it probably wouldn’t be an issue.

However when Charlie and Rosa arrived a few hours later, taking turns hugging Castiel and Dean, Charlie gasped after seeing the hickey on Castiel first. His was a little more prominent because it was higher above his shirt collar.

“Dude,” Charlie said, seriously. “Is that a hickey on your neck?”

“Charlie, come on,” Rosa said. “You can’t just ask people if they have a hickey.”

“That’s a mosquito bite,” Dean said, laughing awkwardly.

“Yes it is,” Castiel agreed. “From a mosquito named Dean.”

Charlie and Rosa locked eyes, gaping at each other before turning to look at both of them with amused shock. Charlie looked more closely at Dean this time and she gasped. 

“No way!” Charlie said. “Dean, you have one, too. You guys are hooking up? Holy shit. I knew it. I knew it, Rosa. Didn’t I know it? I _knew_ it!”

Rosa laughed. “Yeah, you knew it. I didn’t think it was true, though.”

“We’re not hooking up,” Dean said, eyebrows raised. “We’re just...you know.” Dean was waving a hand between him and Castiel, trying to find the right words to explain their new relationship.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “It’s very new. We haven’t labeled it.”

“Come on!” Charlie said, nearly screaming. Castiel hoped she wouldn’t wake up Claire. “You guys are so perfect together. I’ve been hoping something more was going on here. You two make such a sweet couple.”

“Charlie, I think you need to cool it because you’re making Dean and Castiel uncomfortable with your enthusiasm,” Rosa said.

“It’s alright,” Castiel said. “It doesn’t bother me.”

Dean was pinching the bridge of his nose, the tips of his ears pink. “Let’s just go eat. We don’t need to make a big deal about this. Sometimes, two best friends make out and that’s what happened here.”

“Okay, but serious question,” Charlie said. “Do you guys plan on continuing making out for the foreseeable future?”

Rosa widened her eyes. “Charlie.”

“Of course,” Castiel said easily.

“Dean?” Charlie asked.

Dean sighed. “Yeah, okay? Yeah, we’re trying this out. But we’re taking it slow. That’s all we’re gonna say about that. Don’t make it weird.” Then he turned to Castiel, still blushing. “I can’t believe I forgot to cover up the hickeys. Why didn’t you remind me that we gave each other hickeys?”

Castiel chuckled. “How did you forget this, too? You can clearly see mine.”

“I wasn’t really looking at your neck when I woke up this morning,” Dean said. 

Charlie and Rosa locked eyes again, sharing wide smiles.

“Hey, no,” Dean said. “Shit, I’m making this worse. Just—let’s just go eat.”

Lunch was great despite the new tension that had formed between the four of them. Castiel didn’t think that what had happened between him and Dean warranted this reaction. But Dean seemed to feel like he didn’t want to talk about it with anyone, much less Charlie and Rosa, so Castiel respected his decision. Castiel had no problem with talking openly about it, but he understood that Dean needed more time. That was alright. Dean had just gotten out of a long, rocky, toxic relationship. Jumping into something new probably scared him. Castiel didn’t blame him for that.

After lunch, Castiel and Dean walked their guests to the door.

“Dean, you ready for another guitar lesson?” Charlie asked.

Dean sighed, frowning down at his hands. “Yeah, I guess I’m ready to hurt again.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Charlie said. “You gotta keep at it to get better. Before you know it, it won’t hurt anymore.”

“You keep saying that,” Dean said. “But my fingers still suffer.”

Charlie gave him a look. “Grab your guitar.” Then she turned to Castiel. “Thank you for having us over for lunch. It was great. I’m so happy for you guys and your new non-relationship that involves making out.”

Castiel smiled. “Thank you, Charlie.”

“I hope you have us over again, despite everything we’ve put you through,” Rosa said, stepping out onto the front porch. 

Dean had his guitar in its case strapped to his back. He looked at Castiel. “I’ll be next door with Charlie. Call me if you need me for anything, yeah?”

“I will,” Castiel said.

Dean leaned in to kiss Castiel’s cheek. “Love you.” When he realized what he’d said, eyes blown wide, Dean cleared his throat. “Buddy.”

“Right back at ya, _buddy_ ,” Castiel said.

Once again, Charlie and Rosa locked eyes, grinning at each other.

“Shut up,” Dean said, walking past them.

Castiel closed the door, smiling at the easy way Dean had slipped out a “Love you,” like it was their usual way of saying goodbye. Even though he tried to cover it up a few seconds later. Dean had fought so hard against labeling their new relationship in front of Charlie and Rosa, but at least he hadn’t changed his behavior around Castiel. That was all that mattered.

Castiel was checking in on Claire in her nursery and she was still sound asleep. He figured he should get some reading done while the house was so quiet. So, he grabbed the book from his nightstand, James Baldwin’s _Giovanni’s Room_ , because he’d been on an LGBT+ book kick recently. But just as he’d gotten comfortable on the couch with Dandy, the doorbell rang. 

With a resigned sigh, Castiel put the book down on the coffee table and went to answer the door. He was surprised to find Sam.

“Hey, Castiel,” Sam said.

“Hello, Sam,” Castiel said. “Come inside.”

“Thank you,” Sam said, stepping inside, looking around. “Is Dean here?”

“No, he’s next door with Charlie. Do you want me to call him and let him know you’re here?”

Sam hesitated before sitting on the empty couch. “Do you think Dean is still angry about the blind date from yesterday?”

Castiel sat on the opposite couch with Dandy. “I think he might be past that by now.” If the night they’d spent together was any indication, Castiel thought Dean had gotten over that terrible date already.

Sam nodded. “Good. That’s good. I wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings.”

“Between you and me?” Castiel asked, narrowing his eyes curiously. That was odd. Sam didn’t owe Castiel anything.

“Yeah,” Sam said. “You weren’t supposed to be caught in the middle of that whole thing. Jess and I have just been talking a lot about Dean recently, and we’re worried that he’s been so alone. I know you’ve only known Dean for, what, a year and a half? So, you might not know this, but Dean has never spent more than maybe one month single. All his life, Dean has always wanted to be with a romantic partner. Back then it was flings, then it was serious relationships. Either way, Dean has never liked being on his own. I guess Jess and I just grew really worried that Dean hasn’t shown interest in anyone. We were thinking that maybe it’s his depression getting in the way. I don’t know.”

Castiel didn’t know this about Dean. He’d found it a bit strange that Dean hadn’t wanted to give anyone a chance, well, except for maybe Castiel. But now that Sam was saying this, he hoped it wasn’t due to Dean’s depression, which Castiel had hoped was under control. “Are you saying that you think Dean’s behavior is unusual and cause for concern?”

Sam shrugged. “Maybe. I really don’t know. Dean seems fine otherwise. I know he’s not really drinking as much and he looks great. Happy, even. But I don’t live with Dean, so I only see what he wants to show me.”

“You’re asking me if I’ve seen any changes with him?” Castiel asked, and Sam nodded. “I think Dean has been doing really well lately. I might not know him as long as you do, but I have seen Dean at his worst and he’s far from that now. Dean has been keeping himself busy, and he seems at his best when he’s with Claire.” Castiel frowned. “I should tell you, though, that he’s been talking more about Ben than he used to. He really misses him. I don’t blame him for it. I miss Ben, too.”

“Yeah, I know. I miss that kid every day.” Sam looked at Castiel. “But other than Ben, you don’t think Dean’s depression is getting bad again?”

“Not from what I can tell, but you should ask him yourself. I think it’s important to be open about this topic to make it easier for Dean to want to share this with us in the future.”

Sam ran a hand through his hair. “You’re probably right. I should ask him.” Sam sighed. “I just don’t get why he wouldn’t give Rhonda a shot. She’s his type. A beautiful brunette who’s smart and kind and likes kids. Poor Rhonda. She was really excited to meet Dean. But I think even she could tell he wasn’t interested.”

Castiel couldn’t feel too bad for Rhonda. “Sam, can I be honest with you?”

“Sure.”

Castiel held Sam’s gaze for a moment. “I have romantic interest in your brother.”

Sam’s eyes went wide and he leaned back on the couch like the breath had been kicked out of him. “What?” Sam moved his mouth, as though he was trying to form words, but he couldn’t settle on what he wanted to say. “I thought...I thought you weren’t into men.”

“I am,” Castiel said, simply.

Sam blinked. “Does Dean feel the same way about you?”

“I believe so.”

“Wow,” Sam said, and the word hung between them for a few seconds. “I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming. I thought you two were just close friends. I mean, sure, Dean never shuts up about you, but I thought it was just friendship.”

“We _are_ friends. That’ll never change. Dean makes me happy, Sam. And I plan on making him happy, too. For as long as he allows me.”

Sam’s gaze dropped to Castiel’s neck. “Oh, God. Is that why you have an enormous hickey on your neck?”

Castiel smiled. “What do you think?”

“So, this is really happening.”

“Yes, it is.”

Sam let out a long breath, sitting forward on the edge of the couch. His face was completely serious now. “I hate to sound overprotective, but Dean is the closest family I have. After what Lisa did to him, I feel like I need to look out for him now more than ever. I just have to ask, what are your intentions with my brother?”

Castiel didn’t mind this line of questioning. He was glad he and Sam could be honest with each other. “It’s alright. You have every right to be overprotective. But you know me, Sam. You know I’ve always wanted the best for Dean. Ever since I realized I had feelings for him, I knew I wouldn’t do anything about it until I was sure I was in love. I don’t want him for one night.”

Sam gaped at him. “You’re in love with Dean? What about Amelia?”

That was a question Castiel had been expecting. “The love I feel for Dean doesn’t diminish the love I still hold for Amelia. Amelia will always be in my mind. But Dean is the one in my heart now. Amelia taught me that the one thing you should never feel guilty or ashamed of is love.” 

Castiel focused on the white wall behind Sam, smiling. He could still remember the day he’d confessed his love to Amelia. They’d only been dating for a couple of weeks, and Castiel was horribly ashamed to admit that he’d fallen in love within days of meeting her. He was afraid that he’d send her running away. Amelia had looked him in the eyes, and told him that there was no reason to feel shame for his feelings. That he should scream them from the rooftops if he wanted to. That love wasn’t something to feel guilty about because it was pure and honest and it deserved to be shared with others. That you shouldn’t hold back an _I love you_ when you felt it so sincerely. 

“I don’t feel guilty for loving Dean,” Castiel continued. “It doesn’t feel wrong. It feels natural. It’s exciting. It was as easy as falling, but far less terrifying.”

“That’s great, Castiel, really. But if things don’t work out between the two of you, and Dean loses Claire the same way he lost Ben, I don’t know if he’ll ever recover.”

Castiel shook his head. “I’ve had this conversation with Dean already, Sam. Dean is, and will remain, Claire’s father regardless of his living arrangements or his relationship with me. If something were to break us apart, which I desperately hope won’t happen, I wouldn’t deny him Claire. I’ve told Dean before, and now I’m telling you, that I am not Lisa. I would never do anything to hurt Dean. I hope you can trust me, Sam, because I love Dean very much, and I plan on pursuing him.”

Sam smiled. “Well, then I guess the only thing I can tell you is good luck. I know you’re a good man. I’m glad you’re being so honest with me about your feelings for my brother. I want the best for Dean, and I can see that you do, too.”

“That’s right.”

Sam chuckled. “Now that we had this talk, it’s so obvious what was happening between you guys. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.”

“I don’t think we tried to hide it at all.”

“You two have always been so close. I thought it’s just the way your friendship has always been. Is it okay that I know this? Dean didn’t tell me anything.”

“I don’t like keeping secrets,” Castiel said. “I’ve never been one to hide my relationships. I’m an open person. I like showing my affection, and I don’t plan on stopping now. If we didn’t tell you before, it’s because there was nothing to tell. Not until last night.”

“Ohhh.” Sam grinned. “So, I guess my plan to set Dean up with someone did work out, after all. Just not in the way I had expected.”

“I guess you could say that.”

Claire woke up crying then, so Castiel stood up to go check on her. 

Sam stood with him. “Can I see Claire before I go? I miss her, too.”

“Of course you can. She’s your niece.”

Sam beamed. “That’s true. I’m her Uncle Sam. I love being an uncle.”

Castiel laughed. He was glad Sam had been so accepting of his relationship with Dean. Castiel was hopeful for the future again.

  
  


**Dean**

The following Monday, Dean was under the hood of a Prius when he heard Bobby calling him. If his stomach hadn’t been growling with hunger, Dean would have been annoyed by the interruption, but he figured now was a good time to take his lunch break.

After rolling himself out and wiping his grease-stained hands, Dean approached Bobby who was standing in the shade, smiling creepily at him. Bobby hardly ever smiled.

“What’s up?” Dean asked, narrowing his eyes.

Bobby crossed his arms. “You got visitors.”

“I do?” And then Dean grinned, hopeful. “Is it Cas and Claire?”

Bobby gave a small nod. “They’re in the breakroom.”

Dean’s heart was racing as he stepped into the breakroom. He spotted Castiel sitting at a table with Claire on his lap. As soon as she noticed him, her arms went up.

“Hey, guys,” Dean said, resisting the urge to pick up Claire as she wanted. His hands weren’t clean yet. “What are you two doing here?”

Castiel grinned. “We’re here to have lunch with you. I made some sandwiches.”

Dean held up a finger. “Let me go wash my hands real quick. I’ll be right back.”

Despite wanting to rush the washing process, Dean took his time with it to make sure his hands and forearms were as clean as possible. Then he washed his face and splashed some water in his hair just for good measure. Claire liked to touch his head a lot.

Once he was satisfied, Dean strode back to the breakroom, going straight for Claire. He sat down beside Castiel and then turned to smile at him. “I didn’t know you guys were coming today.”

“We wanted to surprise you,” Castiel said, unpacking the sandwiches from a small cooler.

Unable to resist, Dean leaned in to kiss Castiel’s cheek, but Castiel moved last minute and Dean got him on the lips. Instead of pulling away, Castiel pressed closer, kissing him back with enthusiasm. Dean liked the raspiness of Castiel’s stubble against him. Castiel’s lips were rough to the touch, but smooth when they moved against Dean’s. The juxtaposition was amazing.

Kissing Castiel was still new to Dean. and at times it still felt unbelievable having the privilege to do it. Yet here he was, kissing Castiel on his lunch break. How did he get so lucky?

Castiel pulled away, a smile spreading on his lips. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Dean licked his own lips, still tasting Castiel on them.

Claire slapped her hands on the table, demanding attention. 

Dean laughed, turning to kiss the top of her head. “Hi, baby girl.”

Castiel pushed one of the sandwiches to Dean. “They’re roast beef with bacon.”

Dean’s stomach growled in response. “That sounds awesome. I’m starving.”

“Let me buy us some sodas from the vending machine. Is Coke okay?”

Dean nodded. “God, I’m so happy you’re both here right now. You just made my day.”

Castiel returned with two Coke cans, pushing one towards Dean before carding his fingers through Dean’s hair. “Seeing you made my day. Getting to kiss you was a bonus.”

Dean blushed slightly because, fuck, he had it bad for Castiel. “What did you bring for Claire? I’ll feed her first.”

“She gets to eat mashed carrots.” Castiel handed Dean the small, orange container and a tiny spoon.

Dean scrunched up his nose. “I don’t know how she eats this every time we feed it to her. One of these days, she’s gonna figure out that our food tastes so much better than hers.”

Before biting into his sandwich, Castiel said, “Even if she wanted to eat our food, she doesn’t have enough teeth to chew it.”

Dean fed Claire a spoonful of the orange goo and she ate it willingly. “Babies are a lot like old people, if you think about it. They have no teeth, no hair, and wear diapers.”

Castiel threw his head back in laughter. He looked so beautiful like this, happy, smiling, with laughter bubbling out of him.

“I’m just saying. The roles will switch when we’re old and gray. Claire will end up taking care of us.”

Castiel looked at Dean, his eyes soft. “It’s nice to think about the future now, isn’t it?”

_If I get to spend it with you_. “Yeah.”

They moved onto talking about the mess Claire had made that morning after Dean had left for work. Dean didn’t envy all the cleaning Castiel had had to do. Despite all that, Castiel still managed to bring Dean a nice lunch. 

Castiel took Claire so Dean could finally eat and then Castiel stared fondly at him. “I was thinking about something. I had a lot of time to think while I was cleaning.”

“What were you thinking?”

“Well, I was thinking that we haven’t had our first date yet.”

Dean sipped his soda. “Cleaning up Claire’s mess made you think of that?”

“I had to think of nicer things.”

Dean licked his lips and Castiel followed the motion with his eyes. If Castiel didn’t stop looking at him like that, Dean would have to kiss him again, a lot more inappropriately this time. Unfortunately they couldn’t do that because Claire was right there and Dean was still at work. “Cas, are you asking me on a date right now?”

Castiel leaned his chin on his hand and nodded. “I know we’ve done everything entirely out of order. You moved in a long time ago, then we decided to co-parent together, then you brought me along on a date you had with someone else—”

Dean threw him a look. “Hey, that wasn’t my fault.”

Castiel smiled. He was full of smiles today. “Then we just made out for a long time on your bed, which was spectacular, but it doesn’t count as a date. I think it’s about time for our first one. I want to do something a little traditional with you for once. So, how about I take you out tonight after work?”

Dean was about to say yes, but he stopped himself. “What about Claire?”

“I asked Jess if she could watch her and she said yes.”

Dean wasn’t surprised to find that Jess had been so willing to babysit for them. After Sam found out about him and Castiel, Jess had called Dean so she could get as many details as possible. Dean didn’t gush about his relationships, but it had been amusing to see how excited she was for him. Sam had been the same way, except he’d asked a lot less questions. 

“Then it’s a date,” Dean said.

Castiel hadn’t been kidding about wanting to do something more traditional with Dean. 

Just as they were getting ready to leave, Castiel asked Dean to wait for him inside. Then Castiel had stepped outside the door, shut it, and then rang the doorbell.

Dean turned to look at Jess, who was playing with Claire on the couch and smiling at Dean with amusement. Dean rolled his eyes and then he opened the door.

Castiel was holding a single red rose in his hand. “Good evening, Dean.”

This was silly, but Dean decided to play along. “Good evening, Cas. Is this for me?”

Castiel kissed the rose before handing it over to Dean. “I stole it from your garden, just for you.”

Dean tried hard not to laugh. He took the rose and smelled it. “It’s beautiful. You shouldn’t have.”

“It was my pleasure.” Castiel extended his hand, palm up. “Shall we?”

“We shall,” Dean said, taking Castiel’s hand. Before Castiel pulled him away, Dean turned to Jess again. “Call us if you need anything. We won’t be home too late.”

Castiel tugged Dean’s hand, leading him to the truck. “Maybe just a little late.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Where are you taking me?”

“On a date,” Castiel said. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Castiel led Dean all the way to the passenger seat, where he held the door open for him. “Your chariot awaits, handsome.”

_Oh, what the hell_. Dean decided to just sit back and enjoy the ride instead of pestering Castiel with a bunch of unnecessary questions. “How chivalrous of you.”

Castiel took Dean to Maria’s. Dean was a little touched that Castiel had remembered how much he loved this place and had chosen to bring Dean here on their first date. They sat across from each other at a booth in the corner.

Castiel picked up a menu, reading it closely. “Order anything you want. It’s on me.”

Dean grinned. “Wow, I can’t remember the last time my date paid for my dinner. I’m swooning right now.” Dean fanned himself with his menu, blowing out a puff of air.

Castiel smirked at him over his menu. “I know how to treat you right.”

Dean set down his menu, leaning forward on the table. “Okay, this has been fun, but I just want you to know that you don’t have to do any of this for me, Cas. You don’t have to take me on dates.”

Castiel lowered his menu, too, meeting Dean in the middle until they were only a few inches apart. “I’m well aware that none of this is necessary. This is something I want to do. Let me show you this side of me. Indulge me in this romantic fantasy of mine.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “What else does your romantic fantasy involve?”

Castiel booped Dean’s nose. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

They ordered their burgers and milkshakes, getting their usual strawberry and chocolate so they could share. When their food arrived, Dean was so focused on how delicious his burger was that he nearly jumped when he felt Castiel’s shin rubbing against his under the table. 

Dean looked at Castiel with wide eyes. “You wanna play footsie with me? Then let’s play.” Dean trapped both of Castiel’s feet between his. “Gotcha.”

“I was trying to _flirt_ , Dean.”

“The fact that you bought me this bacon cheeseburger is flirting enough for me.”

“You’re fighting the romance so hard, but by the end of the night, I’ll make you see how nice it can be to be courted, Winchester.”

Dean blinked. “Are you threatening me with romance, Novak?”

“You know I am.”

“Bring it on.”

After dinner, Castiel took Dean to the movies. Honestly, it was kind of sweet that Castiel’s idea of romance was taking Dean to dinner and a movie. It was a classic date night. Very traditional, just like Castiel had promised.

Their seats were all the way at the back row for a romantic comedy that had come out weeks ago, so the theater was practically empty. To top it off, Castiel bought a large tub of popcorn and a cherry slurpee, both of which they were sharing. 

For a minute, Dean allowed himself to wonder what it would have been like to know Castiel as a teenager in high school. Castiel was two years older than Dean, so he would have been an upperclassman while Dean was not. Castiel would have asked Dean out on a romantic date and then proceeded to take him to dinner and a movie. Maybe he would have reached for Dean’s hand halfway through the movie. Then he would have driven Dean home and kissed him goodnight at the door. God, Dean would have melted right then and there.

Dean had been so distracted by his own fantasy that he hadn’t noticed that Castiel was already holding his hand until he kissed his knuckles. Dean smiled at him. The movie had already started, but Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of Castiel.

“You looked like you were having a nice memory,” Castiel said.

“No, I was actually having my very own romantic fantasy about you.”

Castiel looked immediately intrigued. “What was it?”

Dean leaned closer to whisper in Castiel’s ear. “I was wondering what it would have been like if I’d met you in high school.” Dean grinned. “It would have been a lot like this.”

Castiel gazed at Dean for a moment and then let go of Dean’s hand so he could hold his face with both hands, kissing him deeply. Castiel kissed with abandon and candor and so much passion. It was better than any fantasy. It was real. Dean gripped Castiel’s jacket, pulling him closer as he opened his mouth to Castiel’s eager tongue.

They ended up making out during most of the movie, only taking a few breaks to breathe and drink their melting slurpees, but then they were back at it again. Dean was glad that the theater was empty except for another couple sitting close to the screen so they were too far away to hear their panting and groaning as they devoured each other.

When the lights of the theater were turned back on, Castiel broke off the kiss, laughing. His hands were holding the back of Dean’s head, buried in his hair, but he slowly let him go. “I can’t believe we missed the entire movie.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that good anyway.” Dean kissed Castiel’s forehead. “I think this is the best first date I’ve ever had.”

Castiel looked a little too smug about that. “It’s not over yet. I have one more surprise for you.”

“Really?”

“The night is young, and so are we.”

“You sure about that? My knees would disagree with you.”

Castiel reached for Dean’s hand and laced their fingers. “Come on.”

Once in the truck, Castiel drove them to the middle of nowhere, a few miles outside of the city where the stars were a lot more visible. He’d brought a blanket, which he’d draped on the bed of his truck so they could lay down and do some stargazing.

Now _this_ was peak romance.

That was exactly what he told Castiel as they lay on the blanket close together.

Castiel turned his head to look at Dean, who had already been looking at him for some time. The stars were bright and stunning, but they had nothing on Castiel. “I’m glad you liked our first date.”

“I’ve been officially wooed,” Dean said.

Castiel smiled softly, brushing his fingers over Dean’s parted lips. “I hope you give me the chance to continue wooing you. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m very much into you.”

Dean kissed Castiel’s fingers. “I’ve noticed.”

“Dean, I’m so happy.”

Dean cupped Castiel’s cheek, which was a little too cold for comfort. Truth be told, the night was getting colder by the second, but Dean wasn’t bothered by that right now. “I’m happy, too.”

“I wish I could stay here with you all night.” Castiel’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Dean smiled, brushing his thumb over Castiel’s cheekbone. “Me too.” After a beat, he said, “But we’d probably freeze and our daughter needs us.”

“You’re right,” Castiel said with a sigh. “Although, I can think of a way for us to warm up.” 

“Yeah?”

Castiel rolled himself on top of Dean, laughing as he went, and once he was right where he wanted to be, he kissed Dean. This time, they kissed gently, unhurriedly, like they had all the time in the world. 

Maybe they did.

Dean thought it was appropriate for Castiel to have an author event in the middle of October. Castiel’s books were spooky as fuck, so Castiel was kind of the King of October. Hah. Dean should tell him that. Dean could be the Burger King and Castiel the King of October. On second thought, maybe Dean shouldn’t tell Castiel things that would turn him off from Dean. Now that their friendship had evolved into something more than platonic, Dean should probably try to play it cool a little more. But who was he kidding? Castiel had already seen every embarrassing part of Dean. It was too late to start putting on a cool act. Dean was just going to keep being himself.

A few weeks had passed since their first kiss and things couldn’t be better between them. Their relationship remained pretty much the same, except now there was a lot of kissing happening, and a lot of grinding on each other, and biting each other, and groping each other, but there was still no actual sex. Dean was waiting for the right moment. Maybe it was stupid, but he liked the way things were with Castiel. He wanted to enjoy this phase of their relationship before they moved onto sex.

So, Dean had kept their heavy makeout sessions to fully clothed adventures on the couch and sometimes on the bed since Castiel slept on Dean’s bed most nights now. Making out with Castiel was Dean’s favorite activity, especially when Castiel felt it was necessary to have at least one hand gripping Dean’s ass every time. Castiel was way too into asses. It was a little bit funny, until Dean started liking it too much and had to put a stop to their making out so they could slow down. Castiel had been incredibly patient, always agreeing to go at Dean’s pace. Dean was eternally grateful for that.

Tonight, Castiel was wearing jeans and a hand-knit light blue sweater, and Dean found it difficult to keep his hands off of him. So, Dean shoved Castiel on the bed, straddled his lap, and captured his lips in a heated kiss.

Castiel smiled in the kiss, glancing up at Dean with a sparkle in his eyes when Dean pulled away slightly. “I didn’t know sweaters turned you on.”

“You make everything look good.” Dean kissed up Castiel’s jaw, reaching his ear and nipping it lightly. 

Castiel had his hands on Dean’s ass already, gripping him tight. “I have to be at the library in fifteen minutes and it’s a ten minute drive. I don’t want to show up with an erection. It would be unethical for all my readers to see me like that.”

Dean laughed softly close to Castiel’s ear. “Then stop groping me.”

“You know I can’t keep my hands to myself when it comes to you.”

Dean kissed Castiel’s lips once more, long and chaste, before climbing off of him. His eyes dropped down to Castiel’s crotch, but he was good. No boner yet. “Let’s go.” Dean led the way to the living room, where Charlie and Rosa were already taking care of Claire, who was on the floor holding onto the couch so she could stand on two feet. Claire would start walking any day now. She was almost one. But so far, all she felt comfortable doing was standing.

Dean knelt in front of her, kissing her face. “Dad and I will be right back, baby girl. Take care of Charlie and Rosa while we’re gone, alright? Bye, bye.”

Claire held up a tiny fist, opening and closing it, and she said, “Bah-bye.”

The first time Claire had done this, Dean and Castiel had started bawling from joy. This time, Dean laughed and kissed her face again. 

Castiel was kneeling beside him now, pressing a kiss to Claire’s forehead. “Bye-bye, Claire. Will you say bye-bye to me, too?”

Claire did it again, giggling when Castiel cheered in response.

“You guys, it’s getting late,” Rosa said from the couch. “Your fans are waiting for you, Castiel.”

Charlie waved them away. “Yeah, get out of here. We wanna build Legos with Claire.”

“We won’t be late,” Castiel said. “At least I hope this doesn’t take too long. They said I would be out of there by 10:30, but you never know when it comes to these events.”

Dean started pulling on Castiel’s hand, keys already in hand. “Come on already.”

After Dean managed to get Castiel in the truck, the drive to the public library didn’t take too long. They made it with one minute to spare before his appearance was supposed to be happening. The place was already packed with people, filling up an entire floor, all of them holding at least one copy of his books, although most of them had all three. They were greeted by Sue Jones, the head librarian and she had put the entire thing together. Apparently this was Castiel’s second event at this library, and they were eager to have him back for a third time when his angel book was published, though that wouldn’t happen for months.

When the readers—fans, better yet—spotted Castiel, there was a ton of gushing going on. They were at a library, so they weren’t overly loud, but everyone was talking excitedly, and many of them pulled out their phones to snap pictures of Castiel, who was walking up to a long table with a single chair and a microphone.

Before taking his place, Castiel turned to Dean, looking nervous. Dean knew Castiel didn’t like big crowds, much less being the center of attention, but this was his job, and deep down, Dean knew that Castiel did enjoy interacting with his reader fans.

“You’ll do great,” Dean whispered. “I’ll be right here.”

Castiel nodded, squeezing Dean’s shoulder before he took his spot behind the table, smiling beautifully at the crowd still taking pictures of him.

Dean went to stand in the back of the room near Sue and a few other librarians. Dean shook Sue’s hand, introducing himself. 

“It’s nice meeting you, Dean,” Sue said. “We’re all excited to have Castiel again here. As a local author, he makes us so proud.”

Dean grinned. “Yeah, I know the feeling.”

Castiel cleared his throat, lightly tapping on the microphone before speaking into it. “Hello, everyone. Can you all hear me?”

There was a loud chorus of _Yes_.

“Great. Well, I’ll start by introducing myself. I’m Castiel Novak. I wrote _Got Brains?, Bloody Dentures,_ and _Mooning You_ . I’ve also just finished my fourth book, _Angel On the Run_ , which I’ve announced on my Twitter already. It comes out next year.” The crowd cheered. Castiel smiled at them. “Wow, there are so many of you. I didn’t know I had so many readers in Oklahoma City. Are any of you from out of state?”

About fifteen of them raised their hands.

Castiel’s eyes went wide. “Well, I’m very flattered that you’re all here. I’m so grateful to have such a dedicated set of readers who continue reading my stories. Writing has always been a very lonely process for me. I tend to work in my home office, but it’s never been my favorite place to work. Sometimes I switch it up and go to a coffee shop, but that’s not so much better. But as lonely as the writing process is, I like knowing that it’s not for nothing.” Castiel smiled again. “I have to say, though, that _Angel On the Run_ wasn’t as difficult to write for one reason.” Castiel motioned to Dean in the back of the room. “That dazzling man standing over there named Dean, who accurately calls himself my muse, was instrumental in the making of my upcoming book. Without his encouragement, ideas, and support, it would not have been possible.”

Suddenly, all eyes in the room were on Dean as he waved awkwardly at them. Only Castiel would turn to Dean all the attention that was supposed to be on him. Castiel held Dean’s gaze for a few seconds before he looked at the crowd again. 

“I guess I’ll open up to questions now,” Castiel said. 

The entire room had their hands raised, and Castiel picked on a random person.

A young woman wearing overalls stood up, clutching one of Castiel’s books to her chest. She spoke quietly, but Dean could hear her well. “I wanted to say that you’re my favorite author. I found your books a year ago, just when I needed them the most. At the time, I needed something to help me forget my reality for a while, and your books did that. My question is, how do you come up with such relatable characters? I love Erin, and I thought it was interesting that the second half of the book switched to her point of view instead of Paul.”

Castiel touched a hand to his heart. “You are so kind. What’s your name?”

“Tina,” she said, blushing.

“Tina, thank you so much for what you said. When I was young, I also turned to books in my time of need. _Slaughterhouse-Five_ got me through some of the toughest times in my youth. I’m so touched that my books have comforted you in any way.”

Dean smiled, filled with pride.

“Coming up with characters is always my favorite thing,” Castiel continued. “I usually think of their personalities and characteristics before I even come up with a name. I like to think that if I can just transfer some of my biggest insecurities and fears, they’ll feel a lot more real.” The crowd laughed. “And I’m glad that’s worked.”

The rest of the night continued the same, with fans asking questions, often praising Castiel’s work, and Castiel answering them. Dean had always been in awe of Castiel, but he’d never realized that Castiel was so popular as an author. Dean wasn’t on social media, but apparently Castiel had half a million followers there. Dean should have known better. Castiel’s talent was too enormous to not be recognized.

On top of that, Dean got to hear Castiel answer questions about his books that Dean had never asked before. Dean loved learning more about Castiel’s writing process. Because Dean had always been a fan of Castiel’s, too. And he’d been so lucky to get to ask Castiel all of the questions that popped in his head as he read his books. Not many people got to that with their favorite authors.

After the Q&A, Castiel did a book signing. The line was long, stretching around the entire library, and Castiel was patiently signing every book, sometimes even with a dedication. Dean understood now why Castiel had said that there was no way of really knowing how long they would take.

Dean hung back, wanting to give Castiel the spotlight, but still a few of his fans approached Dean, wanting to know more about him. It was strange to realize that anyone found Dean so interesting, but it made sense considering Castiel had pointed him out in front of everyone. Dean tried to be as honest as possible with Castiel’s fans, telling them that they were neighbors and best friends, and that Dean agreed with them all in thinking that Castiel was the greatest author of the century.

The library cleared out closer to 11:00 pm right when Castiel signed the last of his books. Despite being obviously exhausted, Castiel offered his last reader, a redheaded man, a bright smile, thanking him for attending the event. Castiel had been so kind and generous with all of his fans, and Dean thought he loved him a little more because of that.

Castiel looked at Dean across the room, smiled, winked, and tilted his head to the exit.

Dean nodded in return.

They lingered another five minutes while Castiel thanked all of the librarians and staff who had put the entire thing together, signing a few extra copies for them and even taking a few pictures.

When they were finally free to go, Castiel took Dean’s hand and led him to the truck, leaning heavily against him, seeking contact.

“You were so badass tonight,” Dean said.

Castiel smiled, his eyes soft. “You’ve never called me badass before.”

“Well, you earned it. I talked to a few of your fans. They’re a cool crowd. You’re lucky to have them. I always thought I was your biggest fan, but I have some competition.”

“You’re my boyfriend, so there’s no competition.”

Dean tensed immediately. He hadn’t been aware that they were boyfriends. Holy shit. Is that what they were? Boyfriends? Since when? This was real then. This was a serious, mature relationship. Dean was in a relationship. With Castiel. With Castiel Novak. Dean Winchester was Castiel Novak’s boyfriend. Oh, God. 

“You okay?” Castiel asked once they were in the truck.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean said, starting the engine. “I’m okay.”

But Dean didn’t speak another word the entire ride home, and he was still thinking about what being Castiel’s boyfriend would entail as they walked Charlie and Rosa to the door. While Castiel went to check on Claire, Dean went into the kitchen for some water. His throat was dry all of a sudden, and his heart was beating so hard he thought he would pass out any second.

Castiel found Dean leaning against the kitchen counter, downing the rest of his water.

Dean met his gaze. “Is Claire asleep?”

Castiel nodded. “Yes, she’s sound asleep.”

“Good, good.” Dean took a shaky breath, holding onto the counter behind him, staring at the tiled floor.

“Dean,” Castiel said, quietly, standing right in front of Dean, making him meet his eyes again. “Are you freaking out because I called you my boyfriend?”

Dean winced because, yeah, of course Castiel wanted to talk about this right now. “I’m not not freaking out.”

Castiel sighed. “Can you please tell me why it bothers you so much? Do you not want to be my boyfriend? Is that it?”

Dean shook his head, swallowing hard. “No, no, I do. You’re everything I want, Cas. I don’t want to be with anyone else. Just you. It’s just that the last time I was anyone’s boyfriend, I ruined that relationship. I mean, Lisa had to go to another state to get away from me. If I’m your boyfriend, Cas, and I ruin our relationship, I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive myself. It’s not you I’m worried about. I trust you with my life. How could I not? But I don’t think I trust myself with your heart.”

Castiel looked crushed, crestfallen, like he wanted to cry but he was too angry to do it. He stepped closer, closing the distance between them, and he leaned his forehead against Dean’s, his hands gripping Dean’s waist. “Dean, I wish I could make you see how incredible you really are. Ever since I met you, I just knew there was something so beautiful and genuine about you. I knew that I needed to have you in my life, always with me. That hasn’t changed, and I know it never will. I want you to understand that what you and I have, it’s very different from your past relationships.”

“How?” Dean asked, voice cracking.

“We love each other. Both of us. So much. We’ve loved each other for some time now. I know what I feel for you will never change. I want all the strings attached.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do.” Castiel kissed Dean’s lips, and it was so sweet that Dean thought he would topple over from it. “I’ve trusted you with my heart from the start. My hope is that you can trust me with your heart, too. I promise I’ll take good care of it.” 

Dean unclasped his hold on the counter, wrapping his hands around Castiel’s neck, kissing him again, harder and faster this time. “Cas,” Dean said against his lips. “You’ve had my heart for a long time now.”

Castiel captured Dean’s lips in his again, licking his way into his mouth, and lowering his hands to Dean’s ass where he liked to have them. 

Dean had been so caught up in the kiss that he’d hardly noticed when Castiel hefted him up in his arms and set him down on the counter. Dean allowed Castiel room between his legs to move in closer and then tilted his head as Castiel kissed hot, open-mouthed kisses down Dean’s neck. Dean dug his fingers into Castiel’s hair, angling his head where he wanted him to kiss him, smiling when Castiel gave him what he wanted.

Dean chuckled.

Castiel nipped Dean’s earlobe. “What’s so funny?”

“My boyfriend is a famous author. There’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.”

Castiel kissed Dean’s mouth languidly, making the situation a lot less funny and a lot more exciting. “My boyfriend is a talented mechanic and a wonderful kisser.”

“With a nice ass, don’t forget.”

Castiel laughed against Dean’s lips before he kissed him again. “I could never forget.”

Dean shivered under Castiel’s wandering hands that had slipped under his shirt to slide up his back.

“I love it when you do that,” Castiel whispered, withdrawing one of his hands to brush his index finger down Dean’s arm. “I give you goosebumps.”

“Your hands are soft. They feel nice.”

Castiel chuckled quietly. “I’m glad you like them.”

They kissed some more, sometimes passionately and sometimes unhurried, and all their kisses were incredible. Dean could spend all night like this, sitting on the kitchen counter, with Castiel trapped between his legs, kissing Dean with abandon. But they had a daughter and they needed to rest in order to take care of her when she woke up. 

So, Dean pressed one final kiss to Castiel’s nose. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Mine or yours?”

“Mine.”

Castiel stepped aside so Dean could jump off the counter, and then led Dean to his bedroom by the hand.

Dean was Castiel’s boyfriend and maybe that wasn’t so scary anymore.

Inside Dean’s bedroom, Castiel got undressed. Dean still hadn’t gotten used to that new aspect of their relationship. The first time Castiel had pulled down his pants and shrugged out of his shirt in front of Dean, he’d felt hypnotized. Castiel was so handsome. Dean wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to being able to touch him whenever he wanted to, especially because Castiel was always so responsive to it.

Castiel kept a pair of pajamas in Dean’s dresser for these special occasions, so as he dug through the top drawer for them, Dean sat on the edge of his bed, watching the muscles on Castiel’s upper back. Castiel was almost done slipping into his pajama pants when he caught Dean staring at him. Castiel threw him a soft smile. “Aren’t you changing into your pajamas, Dean?”

“Yeah, I am,” Dean said, biting his lip. “I got a little distracted.”

Castiel slipped into his. “By me?” He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“Who else could distract me like you?” Dean mumbled.

Castiel closed the distance between them and pushed his way between Dean’s parted legs, carding his fingers through Dean’s hair. 

Dean lifted his face to meet Castiel’s gaze. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Castiel brushed his fingertips over Dean’s lips and Dean gripped Castiel’s hips, tugging him even closer. Castiel grinned. “I could help you change, if you’d like.”

“You mean you wanna help me take my clothes off, don’t you?”

Castiel chuckled. “You know me too well.”

Dean leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Castiel’s torso over his shirt. Then he lifted his head to meet Castiel’s gaze. “Take them off,” Dean whispered.

Castiel’s lips parted, his pupils dilating as he looked back at Dean. Without preamble, Castiel lifted Dean’s shirt and Dean raised his arms instinctively. Castiel threw the shirt on the floor before he pressed Dean down on the bed and crawled onto his lap. 

Dean smiled up at him. “You’re pretty good at this.”

“I like you without clothes on.” Castiel emphasized this by running his hands greedily over Dean’s bare chest, giving Dean even more goosebumps in the process. Castiel smiled before leaning in to kiss Dean’s mouth.

The kiss was tender and indulgent. Castiel’s lips were soft as they slid against Dean’s, sometimes nipping his bottom lip ever so slightly. They kissed like they had all the time in the world just to be close with each other. Dean had been so caught up in the gentleness of the kiss that he’d almost missed it when Castiel blindly undid the button of his pants and lowered the zipper. Castiel’s hands gave Dean’s hips a small tug and Dean arched his back, allowing for Castiel to get his pants off completely.

Clad in his boxer briefs, Dean felt a lot more exposed than he’d intended to be, but he wasn’t uncomfortable. Castiel had somehow managed to make Dean feel confident in his own skin whenever they got to this part. The betrayal from Lisa and all of those years of insecurity at her side had crushed Dean’s confidence. Better yet, it had buried it deep. But in the few weeks Dean and Castiel had been together, Castiel had dug it back up.

Dean shifted on the bed until his head hit the pillow and Castiel followed him, never breaking off the kiss. Remaining on top of him, Castiel cupped Dean’s cheek with one hand while the other gripped his hip. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s neck, digging his fingers into the soft hairs there because he’d learned that sometimes it made Castiel ticklish. Castiel laughed into the kiss, pulling a few inches away.

“Why do you always do that?” Castiel murmured.

“I like it when you laugh.”

“I like it more when we’re kissing.” Castiel kissed the corner of Dean’s lips, then his cheek, then the corner of his jaw, then under his chin. When Castiel’s lips reached Dean’s throat, Dean closed his eyes, sucking on his bottom lip. “You should sleep in your boxers,” Castiel said.

Dean couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, I bet you’d like that.”

“I would love that,” Castiel whispered as he kissed down Dean’s neck.

Dean angled Castiel’s head so he could kiss him right where he wanted, on the tender spot between his neck and shoulder. “If you keep doing that I’ll sleep naked if you want.”

Castiel hummed, sucking a kiss there. “That might be too tempting.”

Dean must have been slightly delirious to propose sleeping naked in bed with Castiel, but he didn’t really care at the moment. All he could focus on was the feeling of Castiel’s hot mouth moving back over his own mouth, giving him languid kisses that made Dean’s toes curl. 

Sex wasn’t even on the table, but Dean still felt this deep passion lighting a fire inside him. Castiel had this effect on Dean. Castiel made Dean feel wanted, desired, beautiful. Castiel kissed Dean with sincerity and affection that Dean hadn’t felt in years. Castiel touched Dean like his hands belonged on Dean’s body, like he wished they’d stay there forever if it was up to him.

“I love you,” Dean breathed into Castiel’s lips. “I love you so damned much, Cas.”

Castiel leaned back so he could look at Dean. His lips were enticingly red and swollen, his hair was a wild mess, and his blue eyes were dark and wide. “I love you, too.”

Laughter bubbled out of Dean, suddenly and abruptly.

Castiel looked both amused and confused, tilting his head to the side. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” Dean said, his laughter winding down. “I think I’m just happy.”

Castiel’s eyes softened. He pressed a kiss to Dean’s forehead. “I’m happy, too.”

Dean brushed his fingers over Castiel’s lips, which looked too damned kissable. “Let’s keep it that way, yeah?”

“There’s nothing I want more.” Castiel kissed Dean’s fingers. 

Dean grinned up at him. “We should sleep.”

Castiel rolled off of Dean so he could tug the blanket out from under them. Then Castiel pressed his body against Dean’s back, draping an arm around him to pull him closer still. He kissed the back of Dean’s neck before he covered both of them up with the blanket. 

“Good night, Dean,” Castiel whispered.

“Good night, Cas.” And then just because Dean could, he said, “I love you.”

**Castiel**

On Halloween, they dressed up so they could stay home watching scary movies and handing out candy to the kids in the neighborhood. Castiel had managed to get Dean to be the Scully to his Mulder. The two of them looked pretty good in suits, too. Claire was a little pumpkin, of course. That had been Amelia’s wish, and they were making it a reality. Every time their doorbell rang, Castiel dragged Dean and Claire with him so they could hand out the candy together as a family. All the interruptions made it slightly difficult to watch the _Halloween_ movie marathon they were in the middle of, but it was worth it.

When the doorbell rang again and they opened the door to Charlie and Rosa instead of children, Castiel was thrilled that they had visited. Charlie was dressed as Beetlejuice and Rosa was Edward Scissorhands, which made it difficult for her to take Claire into her arms at first.

“What are you guys doing here?” Dean asked, hugging Charlie. “I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but I was getting sick of eating candy.”

“I told you to stop eating it,” Castiel said. “It’s for the children.”

Dean ignored him. “I’m so glad to see you guys. Your costumes are awesome.”

“Yours are cool, too!” Charlie said. “Love me some _X-Files_.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at Castiel. “I was supposed to be Mulder, but Cas says I make a better Scully and he wanted to see me in red lipstick and a wig.”

“Why are you telling them that?” Castiel asked, eyes going wide. So maybe he’d always had a crush on Scully and, yeah, he’d wanted Dean to be Scully because wouldn’t that be kinda hot? But that was between the two of them.

Rosa laughed. “That’s kind of kinky, Castiel.”

“I’m not having this conversation,” Castiel said, crossing his arms.

Dean rolled his eyes, adjusting the red wig. “You wanna join us? We’re watching _Halloween II_.”

“Oh, hell yeah,” Charlie said, plopping down on the couch with Dandy.

Rosa leaned against the armrest with Claire still in her arms. “We just wanted to drop by to wish you all a Happy Halloween, but we’re actually on our way to a party.”

“Take me with you!” Dean said, looking at Castiel. “Cas, come on. It’s Halloween. Let’s go to a party.”

“What about Claire?” Castiel asked.

Dean grinned. “Claire deserves to attend a Halloween party. She’ll be one in a few days.”

“Where’s the party?” Castiel asked.

Charlie and Rosa exchanged a glance. 

“It’s at Meg and Crowley’s,” Charlie said, a little awkwardly. 

Everyone knew that Meg and Crowley were very much against kids of all ages and therefore would not be really accommodating of Claire being there.

“Crap,” Dean said.

Castiel felt bad for ruining Dean’s fun. “Dean, you should go to the party with them. I’ll stay here with Claire. It’ll be fine.”

Dean frowned. “I’m not going anywhere without you two. It’s so rude that they didn’t invite us, though. You invited everyone last year.”

That was true, although that had been all due to Amelia.

“I’m sure Meg and Crowley wouldn’t mind it if you brought Claire along,” Rosa said, hugging Claire to her chest. “Who would mind such a cute face?”

Castiel shook his head. “If they didn’t invite us, it’s exactly because they didn’t want us to bring Claire.”

“I’m sorry, guys,” Charlie said. “We didn’t mean to show up here to rub this party in your faces. We thought you already knew about it.”

Dean shrugged. “Eh, what are you gonna do? It’s alright. Cas and I still have a lot of movies to get through tonight. And a lot of candy left to eat.” Dean reached for another Snickers from the candy bowl on the coffee table, unwrapping it and popping it whole into his mouth.

“Stop eating the candy,” Castiel said for the hundredth time.

“No,” Dean said with his mouthful. He was always a little shit.

“Can I get some candy?” Charlie asked, already reaching for a handful.

Castiel smiled. “Of course.”

Dean gasped. “So it’s okay if Charlie eats the candy but it’s not okay if I eat it?”

They’d already had this argument before, but Dean was so stubborn. “It’s not about eating the candy, it’s about you eating so much of it that it’ll make you sick, Dean. Besides, you need to leave enough for the rest of the trick or treaters.”

“Oh, shut up,” Dean said, throwing the Snickers wrapper at Castiel’s face.

Castiel glared. “You’re cleaning that up, Winchester.”

“Make me,” Dean said, raising his eyebrows.

Castiel rolled his eyes.

“As entertaining as it is to watch your lover’s spat,” Charlie said, standing up. “Rosa and I have a party to get to.”

Rosa kissed Claire’s head before handing her back to Castiel. “Seriously, sorry about the party.” Then she reached for the candy bowl. “I’m gonna take some candy, too, if you don’t mind.”

After they left, Castiel settled back on the couch with Claire on his lap, and he gave a pointed look at Dean as soon as he sat down beside him. With a sigh, Dean picked up the wrapper, tossing it onto the coffee table. Then, with a smug smile, he threw his feet on top of the table, too.

Castiel had learned to pick his battles.

Dean leaned back against Castiel’s arm draped behind the couch, and Castiel resisted only a few seconds before he lowered his arm to Dean’s shoulders, pulling him close. Dean pressed a kiss to Castiel’s cheek, but Castiel turned his face to catch his lips instead. Dean smiled as he kissed Castiel deeper, and all Castiel could taste in Dean’s mouth was chocolate.

“I don’t want you to miss out on parties because you have to be a dad,” Castiel said, quietly against Dean’s lips.

Dean kissed him again. “There’s nothing I love more than being a dad.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Castiel kissed him again until Claire started slapping their cheeks because she wanted attention _right now_. Castiel pulled away, smiling at Claire, who was climbing up his chest so she could stand on wobbly legs. “Do you want me to take off your costume already? I bet you’re sick of it by now.”

Claire babbled, throwing herself at Dean, who was already expecting her with open arms. 

“Wait,” Dean said, stopping Castiel from standing up. “Let’s get a picture of us before we take off our costumes.”

And so, they took a few blurry selfies on the couch, trying to fit all three of them and Dandy in the shot, but every picture came out with Claire looking anywhere but the camera. On their last attempt, Claire took Dean’s phone from him and put it in her mouth.

It was the perfect Halloween.

Sam and Jess’s house was on a farm. They didn’t have any farm animals, but they had a lot of land. Their actual house was more of a barn. It was small and cozy, with large windows that let in a lot of light, and hardwood floors that were always shiny. Their living room had one long gray couch and two recliners, one of which Dean was fond of. The walls were filled with photographs of both of their families, and they always had stories to share involving every single picture.

Castiel, Dean, and Claire had been invited for brunch today, and it was the first time Castiel ever met Scoob, who although being another Great Dane, didn’t resemble his namesake with his entirely black fur coat. Castiel ran a hand over Scoob and he was silky smooth. “Hello, boy.”

Claire was struggling to be put down from Dean’s arms so she could pet Scoob, too. When Dean set her on the floor, Claire didn’t sit to start crawling; she remained standing and took five steps to Scoob before she wobbled a little and held onto him for support.

All eyes were on Claire, staring amazing at the fact that she’d taken her first full steps.

Dean couldn’t hold in his excitement for more than a few seconds before he started cheering like his favorite sports team had just scored. Then he knelt in front of Claire, a wide grin on his face. “Baby girl, you just walked! Claire, you did it! You did it!”

Claire giggled, sharing Dean’s excitement, and then she folded and unfolded her knees as she did a little celebratory dance. 

Castiel didn’t think he would ever cry at seeing another human walking, but here he was, in tears in front of his family because his daughter had just walked.

“That was amazing,” Sam said, petting Scoob behind his ear. “We just witnessed history.”

With a hand to her chest, Jess said, “She’s adorable. She’s growing up so fast.”

“Isn’t she?” Castiel said, wiping the tears from his cheeks because he didn’t cry in front of people who weren’t Dean. But this was different. 

“She’ll always be my baby girl,” Dean said, kissing her head. 

They spent the rest of the day getting Claire to walk to them. Each of them took a turn, and they cheered every time Claire walked over to them, even when she fell down in the middle of her walk. Claire never cried when she fell. She stood up and continued walking.

Claire was turning one in two days, and Castiel couldn’t believe it.

On Claire’s birthday, they started the day by going to the cemetery.

Castiel knew that, every year, Claire would need to remember her mother’s passing on the same day of her birthday. It would never stop being a bittersweet day, but Castiel wanted Claire to always remember her mother, so this would be their new tradition. Visiting Amelia’s grave on the morning of Claire’s birthday felt significant.

Dean brought a variety of flowers from his garden and he set them down in front of Amelia’s headstone, kneeling down in front of it. Dean kissed his fingers and brushed them over Amelia’s name.

**In Loving Memory of**

**Amelia Novak**

**Beloved Daughter, Mother, and Wife**

Castiel sat down on the grass, legs crossed, and Claire sat in between them. “Claire, I know it’s your first birthday today, but we want to introduce you to the incredible woman who was your mother, Amelia.”

Dean frowned. “I fucking miss her, Cas.”

“I know, I miss her, too.”

Claire wrapped her arms around Dean’s neck in a warm hug. “Dah, dah.” The first time Claire called Dean “Dah,” he’d been so excited, he’d call everyone to let them know the good news. Castiel would be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted to do the same when the “Dah,” had been for him.

Dean kissed Claire’s cheek before sitting her on his lap. “Amelia was your Mah. Can you say Mah?”

Claire stared into Dean’s eyes for a moment, and then she said, “Mah.”

Dean laughed. “Yes! That’s right. Good job, honey. Mah. Amelia is your Mah.”

Claire giggled.

“Do you remember how long she worked on the mural?” Castiel asked, leaning back on his hands. “Anytime she found a new project, she worked on it nonstop, day and night, because it was never perfect enough. I could never find a flaw in her artwork. It was always beautiful.”

Dean smiled. “One time, I couldn’t sleep, so I called her late at night and she stayed up talking to me for hours. I kept asking her if she was tired, so I could let her sleep and stop bothering her, but she always said I wasn’t a bother. She always—” Dean’s voice broke. “She always said she appreciated our talks because I was like the brother she never had.”

Castiel had always known how much love Amelia had for Dean and, in return, how much love Dean had for Amelia. Because the two of them had formed a bond that even he hadn’t been a part of. They had been an unstoppable team together.

“Cas, do you think Amelia would hate that you and I got together?”

Castiel turned to Dean, furrowing his eyebrows. “Of course not. Why would you think that?”

Dean shrugged. “She was also my best friend, and you two were a perfect couple, and now she’s gone, and I’m still here, and how is that fair?”

Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean’s shoulders. “I’m so glad that you’re still here, Dean. I’m thankful everyday that I get to wake up next to you. Maybe it isn’t fair that Amelia had to die so soon, but don’t feel bad for being alive. We’re not trading lives here. It’s not one for the other. It’s just life, and people die.”

Dean held onto one of Claire’s hands. “So it goes.”

“So it goes,” Castiel agreed.

“Mah,” Claire said again.

“That’s right, honey,” Castiel said. “That’s your Mah. She was a gifted artist with a passion for classic cars.”

“And we really love her,” Dean said.

Castiel smiled. “We really love her.”

“Tell me another story about Amelia,” Dean said. “One I haven’t heard before.”

So Castiel did, and then he told a second and a third story when Dean kept asking for more. Castiel was comforted by the thought that sharing these stories with Dean meant that they could keep her memory alive together.

  
  


**Dean**

Another year, another Thanksgiving.

This year, Dean had prepared mashed potatoes and green beans for the dinner they were attending at Bobby’s and Castiel and Claire had spent all morning distracting him. Somehow, he managed to get both dishes done in time and they were now on the road.

Bobby and Ellen received them together because Bobby had finally admitted that he was, in fact, in a committed relationship with Ellen. How long had that taken? Over an entire damn year. Dean couldn’t really blame Bobby though because if Castiel hadn’t brought up the whole “boyfriend” thing the previous month, Dean would still call his relationship with Castiel a “friendship with making out benefits.”

After the usual greetings, Dean went directly into the kitchen to put the dishes on the counter, making sure nothing had spilled on the way. He was so used to Castiel that he didn’t even flinch when he felt arms snaking around his hips and then lips on the back of his neck.

“It’s funny how you used to call me your biggest distraction, and now you’re mine,” Dean said, turning around in Castiel’s arms until they were chest to chest, and Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s neck.

“You’ve been busy all day,” Castiel said, with a frown. “I’ve just missed you.”

Dean kissed Castiel’s lips. “I missed you, too.”

Castiel pressed Dean further against the counter, his thighs around Dean’s legs, trapping him where he wanted him as he kissed Dean again and again, licking the roof of Dean’s mouth until Dean was inappropriately excited. But for a second, Dean forgot about where they were and he moved his hands to Castiel’s ass, gripping it tight, making Castiel groan into Dean’s mouth. 

There was a loud clearing of a throat behind them and Dean pushed Castiel away from his mouth, dreading which one of his family members had just walked in on them.

Jo was standing there, staring at them with a shit-eating grin.

“Hi, Jo,” Dean said, trying to slide away from Castiel. “Long time no see.”

Jo chuckled. “Yeah, long time. We definitely need to catch up.”

“Hello, Jo,” Castiel said, running a hand through his hair. His cheeks were flushed. “I’m sorry you had to see that. I forgot my manners. I should go check on Claire. I think she’s going to want to eat before we do.” Castiel shifted, adjusting his shirt, and then he bolted out of the kitchen.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry.”

“Just friends, huh?” Jo looked amused.

“We’re a little more than friends now.”

Jo chuckled. “I figured you didn’t go around kissing all your friends like that.”

Dean smiled. “Cas is my boyfriend now.”

“I saw that coming a whole year ago. You look happy, Dean.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, well, I’m in love.” After a beat, Dean asked, “How are things with you?”

“I’ve picked up an interesting new hobby ghost hunting in an abandoned building and you would not believe the stuff I’ve caught on camera.”

That _was_ an interesting hobby. Dean had no idea that Jo believed in the supernatural. But she had his full attention. “Can I see?”

Jo smiled, pulling out her phone. “Prepare to be amazed.”

Dean got lost in the videos Jo showed him, some of which showed shadow figures walking in the corners and mysterious whispers that hadn’t come from Jo or the friend who’s tagged along. Dean had always loved horror, so this kind of stuff fascinated him. He knew Castiel would love this, too.

“I just started a Youtube channel,” Jo said. “I’m gonna do a series of these videos. I swear none of this is faked. I wouldn’t do that for views.”

“We gotta tell Cas about this,” Dean said. “I just recently found out he’s, like, actually famous. Can you believe that? Anyway, he could probably help promote your channel.”

Jo was beaming. “Seriously? That would be great.” She laughed. “Did you not know that your boyfriend is a famous author? People go crazy over him because they think he’s so handsome. There are Buzzfeed articles about him.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “No wonder he has such a big head. I should have known.”

They found Castiel on the couch, feeding Claire broccoli soup, and Dean took over while Jo showed him her videos. They were enough to pique Castiel’s interest, and he agreed to Tweet about her channel, claiming that it was right up his alley. He didn’t even hesitate in helping Jo. Dean didn’t think he could love Castiel more.

Dinner was delicious, as always. Dean stuffed his face with food until he could hardly breathe, and then he had pumpkin pie for dessert. Being with his family while eating the best foods summed up Dean’s favorite days. The holiday couldn’t have been better.

Another good one down for the books.

Dean realized that he was terrified of losing Castiel the day that he woke up and Castiel wasn’t in bed with him. In a fleet of panic, Dean sat up in bed, heart pounding furiously in his chest.

But then, his bedroom door opened and Castiel strode inside in his pajamas. 

“You’re awake,” Castiel said, yawning before he crawled back in bed beside him. “I went to the bathroom.” Castiel pushed Dean back down and tossed an arm over his stomach. “It’s still early. Go back to sleep.”

Dean hadn’t been able to go back to sleep that morning. He’d started imagining his life without Castiel. Without Claire. Castiel had always claimed that Claire would remain Dean’s daughter regardless of his relationship with him, but that didn’t stop Dean from worrying. His relationship with Castiel had always been much different from any of his past relationships. It had been founded in friendship. Dean hadn’t been friends with either Aaron or Lisa before he’d kissed them for the first time. Dean had also never been in love before the way he was in love with Castiel.

Their relationship had been going so well ever since Dean had agreed to be Castiel’s boyfriend that Dean hadn’t spent a single second worrying about what it would be like to lose Castiel. But now that the thought was in his head, Dean couldn’t get it out of there.

Castiel had noticed that something was off with Dean, but Dean had refused to talk about it. If he talked about it, Castiel might realize that he didn’t actually want to be with Dean. 

Dean’s fear of losing Castiel continued growing like a snowball rolling down a snow mountain, and it was rolling straight for him, to bury him deep until he suffocated.

It was that same stupid fear that made Dean turn to Castiel one night on the couch to say, “We should break up.”

“What?” Castiel asked with a tilt of his head. He looked amused, like he thought Dean had been joking. But then when he realized he wasn’t, Castiel looked crushed and confused and upset. “What are you talking about?”

Claire was already in bed and Dean didn’t want to wake her up, so he kept his voice quiet.

“I can’t lose you Cas,” Dean said, looking anywhere but his eyes. “I don’t think I could stand that. So, I think we should break up before this goes any further and we lose our friendship. We were good as friends, right? We shouldn’t have messed that up. We can still be friends. We can raise Claire together, if you still want that. But relationships get messy. At least mine do. We’re doomed to fail.”

Castiel was angry now. He shifted on the couch, angling his body towards Dean. He turned Dean’s face so he could meet his gaze. “You can’t break up with someone because you’re scared of losing them, Dean. That’s fucking ridiculous. I thought we were good. No, I thought we were fucking amazing.”

Dean didn’t say anything. Castiel didn’t either. Dean was sure that the conversation was over, but then Castiel broke the silence.

“Do you love me?” Castiel asked, but his voice was uneven.

“Yeah,” Dean said quickly. He didn’t even have to think about it.

“I love you, too” Castiel said, reaching for both of Dean’s hands and holding them in his. “So we’re not breaking up. Fuck that.”

“Cas, you’re not listening to me.”

“Yes, I am. I hear you, Dean, loud and clear. You’re afraid we’ll break up because being in a relationship scares you. I get that. I do. But we’re not doomed to fail. I’m happy. I’m so deliriously happy. Aren’t you happy?”

Dean hesitated. “Yeah, but what if we mess this up? What if it doesn’t work out?”

“Dean, what are you really afraid of?”

Dean knew the answer, but he kept it to himself. Dean was afraid that he was Castiel’s second choice. Just like he’d been Lisa’s second choice. “I don’t know,” he said.

Castiel nodded. “It’s alright. We’ll work this out together. That’s how we’ve gotten through the rough times. Together.”

Dean wasn’t sure if he should believe Castiel. He made it sound so easy. “How will we work through it?”

Castiel let go of one of Dean’s hands to gently brush back a strand of Dean’s hair. “We’ll go to therapy tomorrow morning. We’ll figure it out then.”

Dean sighed. He was tired. It had taken a lot out of him to even have this conversation with Castiel. He couldn’t help but smile. “You’re so stubborn, you won’t even let me break up with you properly.”

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Winchester.”

Later that night, Castiel pulled Dean by the hand to his own bed, where they both crawled under the covers, and then Castiel pulled Dean close until Dean’s back was pressed up against Castiel’s chest. Snuggling in, Castiel threw an arm around Dean’s middle, and pressed his warm lips to the back of Dean’s neck. It was so comforting. Dean would fall asleep any minute if Castiel kept that up.

Dean placed his arm over Castiel’s and then laced their fingers together. “Thanks, Cas.”

“I love you.” It was a reminder, but it sounded like a promise.

Dean shifted, turning until he was facing Castiel, and then he brushed the tips of his fingers over Castiel’s lips, his breath palpable. “Can I kiss you?”

“You don’t have to ask me that.”

So Dean kissed him. 

Were they broken up? Dean wasn’t sure. Either way, Dean couldn’t resist kissing those soft lips he loved so much when they were so close to him. 

They fell asleep like that.

  
  


**Castiel**

Castiel sat beside Dean on the couch in Jody’s office. He’d scheduled an emergency therapy session for both of them. Castiel was hoping that this would help Dean open up about the real fears that had driven him to end their relationship. Castiel was only certain of a few things, and one of them was the love he shared with Dean. Castiel could feel Dean’s love in his kisses, his touches, the way he shivered every time Castiel’s hands explored inside his shirt, in the way he cared for Castiel without Castiel ever expecting it, in the way he knew Castiel better than anyone else.

But Dean had broken up with him, so clearly something was wrong.

Jody had gotten the essential oil diffuser started right after asking Dean if it was alright with him. By now, Dean was more than used to the peppermint scent from being around Castiel all the time. With an open smile, Jody asked, “Who would like to start?”

Castiel looked at Dean closely. Dean’s right leg was bouncing and his hands were fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. 

“I’ll start, if that’s okay,” Castiel said.

Dean nodded, offering him a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“I think Dean has some fears he’s kept inside about our relationship,” Castiel said. “And I’d like to hear them so I can help him deal with them.”

“I broke up with Cas yesterday,” Dean explained.

Jody turned to Castiel. “How did that make you feel, Castiel?”

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. “Awful. Disappointed. Worried. Miserable. Terrified.” He took a deep breath. “I love Dean and I know he loves me, too. Our relationship felt so solid from the start. I’d never expected it to end. To me, it’s pretty simple. If Dean and I love each other, then we should be together and make each other happy. Why shouldn’t we?” Castiel hesitated, wiping his sweaty hands on his pants. “It pains me to think that Dean would rather end our relationship than find a way to fix it.”

“I _do_ want to fix it,” Dean said, looking at him. “It’s why I’m here right now.”

Castiel looked at the small table where the constant puff of peppermint continued. “Well, I still hate to think that the next time you get scared, you’ll break up with me instead of being honest about what’s really bothering you.”

“That’s a reasonable fear to have,” Jody said. “Dean, how does that make you feel?”

Dean took a shaky breath. “I don’t want to hurt Cas. I’ve never wanted to hurt him. But I do have some issues to work through that might be getting in the way of our relationship.” His leg bounced even faster. “There are some things I’ve kept inside.”

“Would you like to elaborate?” Jody asked.

Dean was quiet for a moment. “I’m afraid I’m Cas’s second choice.”

“What are you talking about?” Castiel asked, frowning at Dean. That made absolutely no sense.

Dean shook his head. “I’m everyone’s second choice, Cas. I always have been. I never told you this, but my dad always preferred Sammy over me. Sam was his favorite. He somehow blamed me for my mom’s death, and maybe along the way I blamed myself, too. Because I was the last person who saw her alive and maybe I could have stopped it from happening. I could have stopped her from dying.”

“Dean, we’ve gone over this before,” Jody said patiently. “Your mother’s death wasn’t your fault. She died of natural causes. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it.”

“I know,” Dean said quietly. He crossed his arms and kind of sunk into himself. “I knew my dad only put up with me because he had to. As fucked up as the man was, the bit of affection he showed, it was only for Sam. Never for me. I knew I didn’t matter to him. I learned to deal with that.”

Castiel had no idea that Dean felt this way. He’d never talked to Castiel about any of this.

Dean clenched his jaw. “Then I became Lisa’s second choice when the man she wanted to be with dumped her.” Dean glanced at Castiel, holding his gaze. “And then I fell in love with you, Cas. You who belonged with Amelia and no one else. I always knew I didn’t deserve you. I always knew you were way too good for me. But I’m just so tired of being everyone’s second choice.” Dean hesitated, his mouth opening and closing. “I’m sorry you had to settle for me.”

There were so many things completely wrong with what Dean had said, what he believed was true, that it took a long moment for Castiel to fully process how absurd it all was.

“You think I settled for you?” Castiel asked. Even voicing that sentence felt absolutely ridiculous. “You think you’re my second choice?”

Dean tightened his arms across his chest, like he was shielding himself from everything and everyone. He gave a small shrug. 

Hearing this from Dean was so heart-wrenching. So deeply excruciating. Castiel sat up straighter, shifting towards Dean. “Dean, you’re _not_ my second choice. You’ve never been my second choice. When I lost Amelia, I worked so hard to move forward for my own well-being. And I did, with a lot of help. Then I fell in love with you, so deeply and completely. There was never anyone else I considered being with but you. My heart is divided equally in two. Half of it belongs to Claire. The other half belongs to you. Without you, Dean, nothing makes sense in my life.”

There was hope in Dean’s eyes. “Really?”

“Yes, Dean, really,” Castiel said, sounding exasperated, but it wasn’t because of Dean, it was because of the situation. “Dean, you came into my life with your constant distractions, ruining all of my routines, and you made everything _exciting_.” Castiel smiled as the memory of Dean knocking on his door to ask Castiel for a ride to pick up a swing set from a Craigslist seller. At the time, Castiel had found Dean slightly annoying for interrupting him, but that was probably the one and only time Castiel had ever truly been annoyed by Dean. All the other times Castiel had played it up just for the sake of bickering with Dean, since Dean always gave as good as he got. “You make me feel so alive,” Castiel concluded.

Dean smiled something small, but it reached his eyes this time and that was enough for Castiel. “I’m gonna believe you because I know you wouldn’t lie to me. I just—fuck—I woke up one morning terrified because you weren’t in bed, and then I let my fears grow and eat me alive. I thought running away would solve my problems. That’s always been my solution.” Dean uncrossed his arms and reached for Castiel’s hand instead, holding it tight. “I’m sorry for trying to break up with you. And thanks for not letting me.”

Castiel chuckled, feeling relief wash over him. “Anytime.”

Dean squeezed his hand. “I’ve been so afraid of losing you, but I don’t wanna be afraid anymore. I know you’re not going anywhere, and you should know that I’m not either.”

Castiel smiled. “Does that mean no more trying to break up with me?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “I want us to last. I don’t wanna be with anyone else. I still don’t know if I believe in soulmates, but you’re the closest I’ll ever get to one.”

Castiel had never heard anything better. “You know my heart is yours, Dean. I just don’t want you to pull away from me again, please. Talk to me the moment you start having fears or doubt, and I promise I will always be there to listen. Together, we’ll figure something out. Or we’ll make it up as we go. Either way, it’s better to be completely honest with each other.”

“I’ll do my best,” Dean promised. “It’s kind of nice to not keep all this shit inside anymore.”

“Communication is key,” Jody said.

Castiel turned to her. He’d almost forgotten that she was in the room. “I agree.”

“This is why many couples choose to attend therapy sessions together frequently, even when they’re not having problems,” Jody said. “It helps to keep those lines of communication open to prevent any issues from growing out of proportion. I think both of you have done an excellent job at talking through all your fears and doubts. It’s important that you continue this path to maintain a good balance between you.”

“We’ll keep working on it,” Castiel said.

Dean smiled. “We will.”

They decided to go on an impromptu date after their therapy session. Charlie assured them that she could watch Claire a couple of hours longer. Well, actually, Charlie’s exact words had been, “You boys take all the time you need to get freaky with each other. Claire is safe and sound with us.”

Maria’s wasn’t busy since they’d arrived in the gap between lunch and dinner. Since Christmas was only two weeks away, the diner was a winter wonderland. They sat at the same table by the window they’d sat before, since it was apparently Dean’s favorite, and ordered burgers, fries, and vanilla and chocolate milkshakes. Dean looked significantly better since they’d walked out of Jody’s office. He’d smiled then, and he was smiling now. Wide and bright. His clear green eyes were lit up with playfulness. Castiel was dying to kiss him.

“I’m glad you talked me into taking the day off,” Dean said, leaning forward. “We haven’t been on a proper date in a while.”

Castiel tilted his head, smiling. “It has been a while, hasn’t it? I didn’t realize how difficult dating would be with a baby.”

Dean shrugged. “On the plus side, we get to be with Claire.”

Castiel chuckled. “Good point.” Castiel reached for one of Dean’s hands and kissed his knuckles. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Novak.”

Their waiter Garth showed up with their food and milkshakes. Dean smiled up at him. Garth was Dean’s friend as well.

“Are you guys on a date?” Garth asked.

“Yeah, we are,” Dean said.

Garth covered his mouth with his hands, looking from Dean to Castiel and back again. “That’s so sweet. Dean, you never told me you had a boyfriend. How long have you been together?”

Dean looked at Castiel, eyebrows raised. 

“Almost two months,” Castiel said, counting from the first time they kissed.

“Ah, new love,” Garth said with a dreamy look on his thin face. “It’s nice to see you again, Dean. And it’s great to meet you, Castiel. I hope your date goes amazing. Enjoy your meal, lovebirds.” With that, Garth walked away.

Dean gave a burst of surprised laughter. “No one has ever called me a lovebird before. It’s ‘cause of you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “You turned me into this affectionate, gooey mess. And it’s fucking awesome.”

Castiel smiled wider. “Yeah?”

“Hell yeah. We’re in love, and it’s alright if the whole world knows. I have nothing to hide. I’m happy. I get to be with you.”

Castiel laughed. “You really are an affectionate, gooey mess.”

They ate their late lunch making plans for Christmas. This year, Sam and Jess were hosting it since they had officially decided to alternate between the two households every year. That way everyone got a turn and no one felt left out. Castiel and Dean had promised to bring a dessert, but they hadn’t settled on which kind. Dean wanted to bake a pie because he was Dean and pies were his legacy. But Castiel wanted to bring something fancier, like crème brulee or tiramisu, neither of which Dean liked.

“We’re not trying to impress anyone,” Dean said. “I’m making cherry pie.”

“Why don’t you make pie and I make crème brulee?”

Dean rolled his eyes, sipping on his vanilla milkshake. “I don’t see why we need anything other than pie, but go for it. That means more pie for me.”

“Now that that’s settled, we should pick out a new outfit for Claire to wear.”

Dean’s eyes went wide. “Fuck. I forgot about that. With everything that’s been going on in my head, I completely forgot to pick something up. I can’t believe I forgot.”

Castiel reached across the table to cover Dean’s hand with his. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up over it. We can pick something out together. It’ll be fun.”

Taking a deep breath, Dean rubbed his hands over his face. “Yeah, you’re right.”

So, once they finished their food, they went to a children’s clothing store downtown to pick out a Christmas dress for Claire. Castiel had never been much of a fashion person, especially when it came to his daughter. Claire looked adorable in everything, so he couldn’t really differentiate between different outfits—at least, not like Dean could. Dean found a baby blue dress with a matching bow for her hair. He claimed that it was perfect because it would match her eyes.

They went home afterward and things felt a lot more like normal than they had that morning. Dean drove the truck, with one hand on the wheel and the other on Castiel’s knee. That was a very Dean thing to do, Castiel had found out. Dean liked keeping his hand on Castiel’s knee or thigh anytime he drove. It was something Castiel hadn’t really experienced before, but he liked it. But then, there were few things Castiel didn’t like coming from Dean. 

On their doorstep, while Dean shifted the bags to open the door, Castiel stopped him and drew him in by the waist.

Dean smiled as he moved willingly into Castiel’s arms. “Charlie and Rosa probably hate us for keeping them babysitting way longer than we’d agreed.”

Castiel captured Dean’s lips in his, once. “I just want one minute of your time.”

“You always say one minute, but it’s never just one.” Dean freed up one of his hands and wrapped it around Castiel’s neck, pulling him closer as he nipped his lower lip. 

“Okay, then give me two.” Castiel kissed the corner of Dean’s jaw.

Dean hummed. “You can have the entire night worth of minutes—well, only if Claire sleeps through the night again.”

Lately, Claire had been sleeping through the night. Not every night, but it was becoming more of a regular thing. Hello, blessed sleep.

Dean chuckled, kissing Castiel’s lips in a tongue-filled, languid motion that had Castiel chasing after him when he pulled away with a smirk. The smug bastard loved doing that to Castiel. Then he slapped Castiel’s ass. “Let’s go inside. Come on.”

Castiel took the keys from Dean’s hands to unlock the door, but the door was opened before he could insert the key. 

Rosa was standing there, hands on her hips and a knowing smile on her lips. “You guys done making out? I figured I should give you some privacy.”

“It was all Cas,” Dean said.

“Oh, please,” Castiel said, following Dean inside.

Charlie was in the living room, holding Claire’s hand as they walked together in circles. Dandy was watching carefully from the rug. As soon as Claire spotted them, she practically ran towards them, falling down halfway through, but picking herself back up to finish the race. She reached Dean first, who dropped all of the bags in order to scoop her into his arms and kiss her face. 

Suddenly, Charlie and Rosa were standing in front of Castiel, looking way too serious for their usual cool, calm, and collected demeanor. 

“What?” Castiel asked, squinting.

“How did it go?” Charlie asked.

When Castiel had asked Charlie to babysit—Rosa had to work, but Charlie had a day off, thankfully—he’d mentioned the breakup that hadn’t really been a breakup. It had felt pretty close to one, and Castiel hoped that was the closest they would ever get to a real one. So it was natural that they would be worried about what had happened at their therapy session.

Dean had snuck Claire away to her nursery so she could try on her new dress, so Castiel was alone with Charlie and Rosa.

“We talked it out,” Castiel said, smiling. “I’m sure you already figured that out because we went on a date and you caught us making out on the front porch.”

“Oh, thank God,” Rosa said. “I rushed here after work to get an update. I’ve been worried about you guys.”

“Me too,” Charlie said. “You two just make fucking sense, you know?”

“Thank you for saying that. I believe that what Dean and I have is strong enough to get through anything. I think Dean believes it now, too.”

A few seconds later, Dean joined them, holding up Claire in her new blue dress and requesting that many pictures be taken. Since they had the chance, Castiel asked for Charlie to take pictures of all three of them since they had only ever taken selfies before. Castiel had to give it to Charlie because she took some incredible pictures. 

Castiel stood beside Dean, arm around his waist, while Dean held Claire proudly in his arms, and Dandy stood calmly next to Castiel. That picture would go up on the living room wall. 

This was his life. 

This was his family.

  
  


**Dean**

Things were looking up.

Now that Dean had gotten all his fears out of his head and in the open so he could actually deal with them, he was feeling a lot better. Dean and Castiel were going strong again.

They still hadn’t had sex. But that didn’t stop them from dry humping the hell out of each other. All the time. 

Lately, it seemed to happen even more frequently. Castiel would join Dean on the couch for a show or a movie, and within minutes they would be on top of each other. Castiel preferred when Dean straddled his lap so he could have both hands on Dean’s ass while his tongue was down Dean’s throat. Sometimes, they would makeout in the middle of the kitchen when they ran into each other while getting a snack. Dean wondered if they craved their heavy makeout, dry humping sessions more than the actual snacks at this point.

Their latest encounter of the heated variety happened while Castiel went looking for Dean while he worked on the Impala in the garage. Dean hadn’t been spending as much time on fixing his Baby as he should have, but he had a real baby who required a lot more of his attention, so he wasn’t mad about it.

“Hey,” Dean said, wiping his sweaty face with a clean rag before putting it in his back pocket.

“Hi,” Castiel said, eyeing Dean up and down, unable to be subtle in the slightest. “I came looking for you.”

“I see that.”

Castiel stepped closer, biting his lower lip as he hooked his two index fingers on Dean’s belt loops to pull him in. “How busy are you?”

Dean smirked. “Never too busy for you.”

Apparently, that was exactly what Castiel had been hoping to hear because greedy hands slipped under Dean’s shirt, feeling him up as their mouths slid together with increasing urgency.

Dean was maneuvered all the way to the wide backseat of his Impala, thrown on the seat before Castiel climbed on top of him, hands in Dean’s hair as Castiel kissed him again.

Dean gripped his hands onto Castiel’s hips, bucking his hips instinctively as his cock hardened and ached for friction. He was met with Castiel’s equally hard cock, which cued an imaginary chorus in Dean’s head as he continued arching his back to press their erections together.

Every time there was contact in their lower region, Castiel let out a deep groan and Dean answered with a moan. In the Impala, they were as loud as they wanted because no one could hear them. When Castiel trailed hot kisses down Dean’s neck, he thought he might lose his fucking mind, hands moving to the small of Castiel’s back to push him down harder.

“Fuck, Dean,” Castiel whispered in a low gravel into Dean’s ear. “I’m gonna come in my pants if we keep this up.”

In a brief moment of clarity, Dean let go of Castiel, his hips stopping their motion. It was always uncomfortable to get this close to orgasm with Castiel, but never actually get there.

Dean had to admit that he was afraid of moving onto a new level of intimacy with Castiel. They had touched each other’s upper bodies and asses a lot by now, but they hadn’t even seen each other’s dicks yet, or heard each other reaching climax. And that felt like a big step. Like the point of no return.

Castiel had always respected Dean’s boundaries, therefore he hadn’t pushed him to go any farther. But this had resulted in a serious case of blue balls for the both of them.

And that was definitely not as fun as dry humping in the backseat of the Impala.

Castiel buried his face in Dean’s neck as his breathing returned to normal while Dean pressed soft kisses to Castiel’s neck. 

One of Dean’s hands traced patterns on Castiel’s back, while the other carded his fingers through Castiel’s hair.

“I came looking for you because Sam came over,” Castiel mumbled.

“He did?” Dean asked. “Have I been keeping him waiting all this time?”

Castiel nodded without lifting his face. “I asked him if he could stay with Claire while I came to get you. But I just wanted to check you out a little bit.”

Dean laughed. Clever plan. Castiel was always so honest. “And makeout in my Impala a little bit?”

“That was an improvisation.”

Dean was quiet for a moment. “I feel like I keep turning you on and leaving you hot and bothered. Over and over.”

Castiel lifted his head to look into Dean’s eyes. “It’s alright. You’re not ready to have sex with me yet. I understand. There’s no rush.”

Dean kissed Castiel’s eyebrow. “Thank you for being so patient. You’re a fucking gentleman.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah, but I guess I always knew that. You were an awesome best friend and now you’re an awesome boyfriend.”

“I’m still your best friend. You know that, right?”

Dean nodded, kissing Castiel’s lips. “I know. I never wanna lose that.”

“We won’t.” Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. “Dean, are you worried that if we have sex it’ll somehow hurt our friendship?”

Was he worried about that? It seemed like he was at one point. But now? “I don’t know. I know that I don’t wanna be just friends, obviously. Now that I have this, I couldn’t give it up. I couldn’t give you up.”

Castiel grinned. “I feel the same way.”

Dean pondered that. “In all of my past relationships, sex has always been the center of them. I’ve had sex with people I like and people I don’t like. It’s been meaningless sometimes. Most of the time. But being with you has been so...so fulfilling in so many ways. I’ve really liked getting to know you just like this. With our clothes on. I never thought I could enjoy a relationship so much that wasn’t focused on how good the sex was. I thought sex was the only way to connect with a partner. But there are so many ways I connect with you. So, I think I just wanna keep enjoying this a little more before we move onto sex.”

Castiel’s eyes were soft when he smiled. “It’s funny how you always tell me I’m a romantic, but your level of romance clearly surpasses mine. Dean, I’m so touched that you feel this way about me. About us. I feel like a lustful asshole now for dry humping you a few minutes ago.”

“Don’t. I was doing it, too. Just because I like this stage of our relationship doesn’t mean I don’t want more. You’re fucking irresistible.”

Castiel kissed Dean’s forehead. And then his eyes widened. “Oh, God. Sam! We forgot about Sam.”

“Shit.” Dean struggled to sit up with Castiel on top of him, but he did it anyway. “He’s gonna be pissed.”

“Just tell him we were having a great talk about our sex life.” Castiel ran a hand through his hair, making it look worse than Dean had left it.

Dean rolled his eyes. “I’m not gonna scar my little brother. Come on. You’re coming with me. And try not to look hot.”

Castiel sighed. “I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises.”

When they made it back home, Sam looked slightly annoyed, but mostly he was just gushing over Claire walking around the living room beside Dandy. They loved walking together, the two of them. 

“You guys took like half an hour,” Sam said, looking from Castiel to Dean with narrowed eyes. 

Castiel winced as he went to pick up Claire. “I’m sure Dean has a great explanation for that. I need to go to the store and I’m taking Claire with me. Dean, you want pizza for dinner?”

Dean smiled. “Hell yeah.”

“Perfect,” Castiel said. “Say bye, Claire. Buh-bye.”

Claire opened and closed her tiny fist at them. “Buh-bye, Dah.”

Dean beamed like he did every time. “Buh-bye, baby girl.”

“Bye, Claire,” Sam said, mimicking her hand.

As soon as Castiel and Claire walked out the door, Sam’s gaze was pointedly on Dean. 

“I can’t believe you were hooking up with Castiel when you knew I was here visiting you.”

“We weren’t hooking up,” Dean said. “Not all the way. We haven’t had sex yet.”

Sam raised his eyebrows. “Why not? Is Castiel being weird because of Amelia?”

Dean shook his head, sitting down on the couch with Sam. “No, nothing like that. Cas has never been weird because of Amelia.” It had been unfair of Dean to accuse Castiel of seeing Dean as his second choice because Castiel had never made him feel like Dean was not enough. It had all been completely in Dean’s anxious mind. 

“Then what is it? This doesn’t sound like you.”

Dean fully leaned back on the couch. “This is probably gonna sound ridiculous, but did you know that there are other nice things in relationships that aren’t sex? I’m talking about small, simple things like holding hands, hugging, kissing, watching stupidly bad movies, staying up late talking, cooking together, eating together, even arguing is great sometimes. I mean, have you ever felt like that with anyone?”

“Yeah,” Sam said. “With Jess.”

“I’ve never felt like that with anyone before Cas. Not even Lisa. Especially not Lisa. I always thought that having sex was the only way to keep a relationship going. I thought that was as good as it would ever get. I thought that as long as we were having sex, we’d be okay. Indestructible. Sex is the only way I’ve ever measured how good my relationships have been.”

Sam looked at Dean for a moment. “I think what you’re describing with Castiel is called being in love, Dean.”

Dean nodded. “But I’ve never felt that way about anyone before Cas. Does that mean I’ve never been in love before?” Had he gotten it wrong this entire time?

Sam shrugged. “Possibly.”

The realization took some time to settle it, but when it did, Dean stood and paced the room. “Holy shit, I’ve never been in love before. I was with Lisa all through high school, and then for six years after that, and I never even loved her. At least not like this. And I thought that she had broken my heart, but my heart was never broken because of her. It was only because of Ben.”

Sam was frowning. “That doesn’t make what she did any less wrong.”

Dean stopped pacing and sat back down on the couch. “I forgave her for what she did a long time ago, Sammy. I can’t keep living with resentment or anger. It’s not good for me.”

“That’s oddly mature of you.” Sam sounded amused.

“I can be mature, bitch.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, for like five seconds.”

Dean grinned. “Look at me, a thirty-two-year-old man in love for the first time in his life. Come with me. I need to do something.”

“Where are we going?”

“Not far, just follow me.”

Dean led them to his own house, where the grass on the front lawn needed to be mowed, and dust had collected on the surface of his two rocking chairs. These chairs had been a gift from Bobby for Dean and Lisa. But Dean and Lisa had never sat on them before. Not once. But Dean and Castiel had sat on them more than once. They’d had beers together on these chairs. They belonged on Dean's new front porch. 

“You grab one, and I’ll grab the other,” Dean said.

Sam raised an eyebrow, but he did as he was told. Together, they carried the rocking chairs to Castiel’s front porch, where they looked perfect. This was Dean’s future now. Castiel and Claire. These rocking belonged here. 

“Why do you like these old things?” Sam asked.

Dean sat on one of them and rocked. “‘Cause they represent the life I wanna live.”

Sam sat on the other chair. “What life do you wanna live, Dean?”

“A life where I get to be happy. A life with my family.”

Sam grinned. “You’re such a sap. You know that, right?”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, I know. Love does that to you.”

Dean and Sam were still on the rocking chairs when Castiel and Claire came home. They were drinking sweet tea while Sam talked about the case he was working on. Dean jumped to his feet to help carry all of the grocery bags inside the house so Castiel could carry Claire. Sam said his goodbyes because apparently Jess had just gotten home from work and he wanted to have dinner with her.

Dean was still putting away the groceries when Castiel and Claire entered the kitchen. Dean smiled up at them. “How was the trip to the store?”

Castiel huffed out a sigh. “Claire wanted all of the animal cracker boxes in the aisle, so I had to buy her three as a compromise. She knows I’m too weak to resist her tears.”

“Yeah, she’s getting pretty good at that.”

Castiel set Claire on the floor on her feet and she walked steadily to Dean, who picked her up and kissed her cheeks. “How was your day with Sam?”

“We had a nice talk,” Dean said, balancing Claire on his hip while he finished putting away the cereal boxes.

Castiel leaned on the counter beside Dean. There was a soft smile on his face. “You brought the rocking chairs over?”

Dean put away the milk in the fridge and he was done. Claire was munching on a box of animal crackers that Dean had opened for her. “I did. Do you mind? I can take them back if you do.” Dean said it only to be polite, but he really didn’t want to take them back. They belonged here. This was home now. Not that house.

Castiel shook his head, holding onto the counter behind him. “No, of course I don’t mind. I just thought...Never mind.”

“No, tell me,” Dean said. “We said we were gonna talk things out from now on. We’re not holding anything back anymore, right?”

“Right,” Castiel said, meeting Dean’s gaze. “I just know what those chairs meant to you and I didn’t want to assume anything.”

Dean was glad that Castiel had put that together from the simple act of bringing the rocking chairs to his front porch. It was exactly what Dean had intended for them to mean. He just hadn’t thought that Castiel would catch on so quickly. “Cas, those chairs still represent what I want for my future.”

Castiel’s eyes went soft as his lips opened and quirked into a smile. There was a range of emotions that Dean didn’t miss. Surprise, amazement, wonder, bashfulness, and love. There was definitely love. 

Dean closed the distance between them to wrap his free arm around Castiel and press a kiss to his temple. “Should we go sit on them now? It’s cold though.”

Castiel nodded, leaning his forehead against Dean’s. Claire leaned in her face too as she continued eating her animal crackers. It made both Dean and Castiel laugh. “Let’s grab some blankets.”

With the blankets on hand, all three of them stepped out onto their front porch, where Dean sat on one of the rocking chairs with Claire on his lap and Castiel sat on the other. The blankets were draped around their legs, making the December cold a little more bearable. It was a cloudy afternoon that felt more like late evening than anything. 

Dean rocked in his chair and Castiel rocked in his, and when they locked eyes, Dean knew that this was one of those moments that he’d never forget. 


	5. Part 5: Traveling

__

_“You're so golden_

_I'm out of my head,_

_And I know that you're scared_

_Because hearts get broken_

_I know that you're scared_

_Because I'm so open.”_

-Harry Styles, **Golden**

  
  


**Castiel**

Christmas at Sam and Jess’s house was excellent. All of the stress from the previous year during the holiday was nonexistent. Castiel could just sit back and enjoy the day with his family. Dean was on the carpet with Claire, playing fetch with Scoob. Dean kept looking over at Castiel, asking if he saw the way Claire clapped her hands, or the gibberish she mumbled, or the way she giggled whenever Scoob returned the ball with his wagging tail. Castiel smiled and nodded because of course he’d seen everything. It was impossible to look away.

When they opened presents on the couch, Castiel was a little taken aback by the thoughtful gift Sam and Jess had given him and Dean. They’d paid for a New Year’s Eve dinner at an elegant restaurant and a two night stay at a luxurious hotel in Dallas, Texas. On top of that, they’d offer to babysit Claire so they could make it a romantic getaway.

“This is so kind of both of you,” Castiel said, gaping at Sam and Jess.

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Cas and I have never been on a trip together.”

“That’s the point,” Sam said.

Jess grinned. “I think all parents deserve a little getaway every once in a while.”

Castiel looked at Dean with a smile. “I’m excited for this.”

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulders. “Me too.” Then he looked at Sam and Jess. “Thanks, guys. Anything that makes Cas this happy is a perfect gift in my eyes.”

Castiel was ecstatic by the thought of getting to stay at a hotel with Dean for two nights. It sounded like the best way to ring in the new year. They were going on their first romantic getaway where they’d get to be alone with each other for an entire weekend. Castiel couldn’t wipe the smile off his face.

Dean kissed Castiel’s cheek just as Claire walked up to them and started saying “Dah, Dah, Dah” while opening and closing her mouth, which meant she was thirsty. 

“I’ll go get her some water,” Dean said. 

Castiel touched Dean’s leg to stop him. “I’ll go.” Then he turned to Claire. “Honey, stay with your dad. I’ll be right back with your water.”

After grabbing a clean sippy cup from Claire’s bag, Castiel went into the kitchen to fill it up from Sam and Jess’s Brita filter. He was tightening the lid on the cup when Bobby entered the kitchen. 

Castiel smiled. “Hello, Bobby.” 

“Hi, son,” Bobby said before an awkward silence fell between them. 

Castiel knew that Bobby had something else to say to him because he was standing about six feet away from him, eyes roaming the room like he was trying to find the right place to set them. Castiel was getting ready to prompt Bobby in order to make it easier on him, but thankfully Bobby finally broke the silence.

“This thing between you and Dean, is it serious?” Bobby asked, narrowing his eyes at Castiel.

Truthfully, Castiel should have seen this conversation coming. He’d already had it with Sam and it made sense that he should have it with Bobby as well. Bobby was the closest thing Dean had to a father. He should be vigilant of the people Dean shared his life with.

“Yes,” Castiel said evenly. “My relationship with Dean is very serious, Bobby. I love him. And he’s the father of my daughter. It’s as serious as it can be.”

Bobby nodded once. “Good. That’s good. I’ve known you for a long time now, Castiel. I see the way Dean looks at you. I’ve never seen Dean that way with anyone else. You know how much Dean has been through.”

“I am,” Castiel agreed. “I lived through it with him.”

“And I know you’re trustworthy,” Bobby said. “But I still worry ‘cause of Claire.”

“I understand that, Bobby. You’re worried that if Dean and I were to ever split up, Claire would be taken away from him. Sam had the same concern. But I can assure you I have no intention of ever keeping Dean from Claire. He’s just as much her father as I am.”

Bobby looked relieved to hear that. “That’s all I needed to hear, son. Thank you for easing my worries. I don’t want Dean to go through something like that again.”

“I wouldn’t either. You should know that I love Dean and I don’t ever want to lose him. There’s absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do for him. I’m prepared to fight for him, no matter what life throws at us.”

That made Bobby smile something bright and genuine before he breached the distance to pat Castiel’s shoulder. “You’re a good person, Castiel. I’m glad you and Dean found each other. I know you’ve been through hell, too. Losing Amelia couldn’t have been easy on you. I still miss that sweet woman.”

Castiel nodded. “I miss her, too. Every day. I don’t think that’ll ever go away. But I’ve learned that the healthiest thing for me to do is let her go. I’d be lying to you if I said I’ve let her go completely.” He took a deep breath, gripping the kitchen counter. “All of her clothes and belongings are still in the same place she left them. I still have a lot of work to do. But I know that I don’t have to do it alone. I know that Dean will be there along the way and it won’t be as difficult.” 

Castiel knew that he was getting closer to figuring out what to do with Amelia’s belongings. Some of her clothes he’d planned on conserving for Claire. The rest would probably be donated to charity. Castiel had been planning on asking Dean for help going through all of her stuff. He didn’t think he could do it alone and he didn’t want to.

“I admire your strength,” Bobby said. “You should know you can count on me, too. You’ve been family for a while now. Don’t forget that.”

“That means a lot, Bobby. Thank you.” Castiel cleared his throat. “I should get this water to Claire.”

“Yeah, go ahead. Didn’t mean to hold you up.”

Castiel returned to his place beside Dean and handed Claire her sippy cup. “I’m sorry I took so long.”

Dean gave Castiel a curious look. “I saw Bobby go in the kitchen after you. Did he give you the talk?”

Of course Dean had noticed. Castiel didn’t try to deny it. “Yes. Your family worries that I will end up hurting you. I’m alright with reassuring all of them that hurting you is the very last thing I want to do. But I hope that you have a little bit more trust in me.”

Dean took Castiel’s hand and laced their fingers. “I trust you better than I trust myself, Cas. I’m sorry my family has been so hard on you.”

Castiel lifted their hands to kiss the back of Dean’s. “I don’t blame them for sticking up for you after everything you’ve gone through. I just wish everyone could see how much I love you.”

“I can see it,” Dean whispered, leaning closer so it was only heard by Castiel.

Castiel brushed back a strand of hair from Dean’s face. “Well, then that’s all that matters.”

They set out on the road at noon on December 31st. The drive to Dallas was only a little over three hours, which apparently was a piece of cake for Dean, but Castiel would probably need a bathroom break halfway through.

Saying goodbye to Claire in the morning before they took off was probably the hardest part of the trip, but Castiel had high hopes for the rest. Granted, it was a short trip, but it was his first trip with Dean other than the time they went camping, but Castiel refused to count that. They weren’t a couple back then.

Castiel let Dean drive while he rested comfortably on the passenger seat, his feet on the dashboard. Dean had thrown him a shocked glance when Castiel had done that, but Castiel had simply said, “I’m on vacation. I get to break all the rules” and Dean had laughed.

Since Dean was driving, he wanted to pick the music. Unfortunately, Dean’s music revolved solely around classic rock and Castiel was tired of listening to the same songs repeatedly. Living with Dean had meant listening to classic rock all the time. When Dean cooked or cleaned or even sat down to read a book, he played classic rock. Castiel knew that Dean did listen to other types of music because Dean had pulled out his slow song playlist not so long ago, the night they’d slow danced to what Castiel believed was now their song: _Sleepwalk_.

Castiel grabbed his cell phone and connected it to his truck’s Bluetooth so he could listen to his own music. Anything but AC/DC was fine. Castiel grinned when he found the perfect music to play. Harry Styles’s Fine Line album was spectacular. 

“Hey!” Dean said, sparing him another shocked glance. “What the hell are you doing? Put my music back on.”

“No,” Castiel said, setting his phone down and leaning his head against the headrest.

“What is this? Who is this? What am I listening to?”

Castiel smiled. “Harry Styles.”

“Harry—From One Direction? Cas, come on. You can’t be serious.”

“ _I get so lost inside your eyes_ ,” Castiel sang along. “ _Would you believe it?_ ”

Dean gaped at him. “What’s so wrong with AC/DC?”

“All you ever listen to is classic rock. Harry Styles is a talented musician. You should give him a chance. I love this song. It makes me think of you.”

That got Dean to stop grumbling. He finally stopped talking and started listening to the music that was gracing his ears.

_Just let me adore you like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do…_

When the song was over, Dean said, “I guess he’s not so bad.”

“I told you. Also, have you seen Harry Styles? He’s gorgeous.”

“Heh,” Dean chuckled. “This is the first time I’ve ever heard you compliment another man.”

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Dean. “What do you mean? I compliment you all the time.”

“Yeah, but that’s me. The only man you’ve ever been with. I was starting to think I was the exception.”

Castiel hadn’t realized that Dean thought that, what, he’d turned Castiel gay? That was amusing, although Castiel didn’t doubt that someone as attractive as Dean could turn straight men gay if such a thing were possible. That just hadn’t been the case for Castiel.

“You didn’t turn me gay, Dean,” Castiel said, removing his aviators so he could meet Dean’s gaze. “I’ve always been open to falling in love with anyone of any gender. It just so happened that I’d only fallen for women up until I fell for you. I guess it was easier for me to believe that I was straight, after all. But I wasn’t, not even when I was with Amelia. I’ve never been straight. I should have been honest with you about that since you kept thinking I was straight and I never corrected you. I just thought it didn’t matter at the time.”

“I guess that makes a lot more sense than thinking I was the only exception for you.”

“You _were_ my exception in many other areas.”

“Really?” Dean asked, looking at him for a second. “Like what?”

Castiel shrugged. “You became my best friend within a few days of meeting you. I trusted you with my manuscript when I had only ever trusted Amelia before. I let you walk into my house like you owned it. I shared my entire self with you without a second thought. This isn’t what I normally do with new friends. But you were so different. You were always a bright presence in my life and I gravitated towards you like a moth to a fucking flame.”

Dean turned to look at him with a wide smile. “Fuck, how do you always make everything you say so damned romantic?”

“I’m sorry!” Castiel chuckled. “I just love you.”

Looking ahead again, Dean gripped the steering wheel. “You were the exception for me, too, Cas. I don’t think I’ve ever had these many honest conversations with anyone else in my life, not even Sam. He and I grew up a little emotionally stunted, so that didn’t help. But being with you has made me less afraid to share my thoughts and feelings. I never thought that would happen.” Dean placed a hand on Castiel’s thigh.

Castiel placed his own hand on top of Dean’s. “I’m glad you feel so comfortable with me. You know the feeling is mutual.”

“Yeah, I know.”

After a beat, Castiel asked, “Do you think I should label my sexuality?”

Dean shrugged. “If you want to. If not, then don’t. It won’t make a difference to me.”

“When did you know you were bi?”

Dean sighed. “Hell, I can’t remember. It feels like all my life I’ve known.” Dean pondered on it. “Actually, it was probably in middle school when I had a crush on this boy named Alex Ramirez—I can’t believe I still remember his name—that I knew for sure that I didn’t just get crushes on girls.”

Castiel was intrigued since he’d never heard this story before. He was suddenly very curious to get to know more about Dean’s past. “When did you first kiss a boy?”

Dean hummed. “The summer before high school. His name was Johnny. It was during one of those times where we had a semi-permanent home at these really shitty apartments. He lived a few doors down, and we’d been friends for a while. One day we were hanging out, just the two of us because Sam was home studying, and he pushed me against a tree and kissed me. I’d been waiting for that honestly. I just didn’t wanna make the first move.” Dean smiled. “And then, we kept kissing the rest of the summer. I never saw him after that. Sammy and I went to live with Bobby right around the time I started high school.” Dean hesitated. “That’s when I met Lisa.”

Ah, yes, Lisa. “I remember Bobby telling me you were a heartbreaker in high school. Was that while you were with Lisa?”

Dean chuckled. “Damned Bobby. I guess you could say I was a heartbreaker.” Dean rolled his eyes. “Truth is, I flirted with everyone in high school. For the first time, I was popular. I was on the football team and girls started liking me. Guys, too. I lived for all that attention. I thought it was harmless flirting, but really I was just leading everybody on, and hurting Lisa in the process. She put up with my shit all those years, but I wasn’t surprised when she broke up with me senior year.” 

Castiel stared at Dean’s profile, seeing his struggle as he continued the story.

Dean sighed. “She told me she didn’t think I was ready to be in a real relationship, and as much as she loved me she had to let me go. I won’t even try to defend myself, Cas. I was a shitty boyfriend. The absolute worst. The second time around, I tried to prove myself to her, that I’d changed. But I don’t think she ever saw me as anything other than the shitty boyfriend she had in high school.”

“You were a teenager,” Castiel said softly. “All teenage boys make shitty boyfriends.”

“But I still hurt her and a lot of other people, I’m sure.” Dean squeezed Castiel’s thigh, and gave him another short glance. “What about you? Who was your first kiss?”

“You’re going to laugh at me,” Castiel said, blushing. 

“No, I’m not. I already told you how shitty I was as a teenager. I have no right to laugh at you.”

“Okay.” Castiel brushed back his hair. “Well, I had my first kiss at twenty.”

Dean didn’t have the astounded reaction Castiel had expected. Dean just kept quiet as Harry Styles sang about being so lonely, and then asked, “With who?”

“Her name was Daphne,” Castiel said. “She was my coworker at this ice cream shop where they only sold fruit-flavored ice cream.”

Dean laughed. “Why does it make so much sense for you to have worked there?”

Castiel combed his fingers through Dean’s hair. “Maybe because you think I’m so boring.”

“You’re okay, I guess.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “As I was saying, she and I kissed when we had to close together one night. Then we went on to date for a few months. She moved away for college the following summer. I never really made time for dating growing up. With all my family drama, I fought hard to earn a living and support myself in a city where I knew no one. But after that short-lived relationship, I realized I was ready to put myself out there. Unfortunately, the two women I dated before I met Amelia just wanted me for a good time. And I’m sure you know I don’t enjoy that.”

“Oh, I know. You’re one of those ‘go big or go home’ type of people. I fucking love that about you.”

Castiel smiled. “Yeah, well they didn’t. But then years later, I met Amelia.” Castiel knew that Amelia had already told Dean about the day they’d met, but Castiel wanted to tell his own version of the story. “We met at a library. I had just finished writing my first manuscript, but I’d been having trouble finding an agent. So I spent hours at the library looking at the other horror comedy books out there in order to research agents and publishing houses. It was a lot of work, but I was dedicated to my craft so I did it.”

“Hell yeah, you did.”

“I’d seen Amelia before at the same library,” Castiel continued. “She liked to sit and read on this green chair all by herself. I was drawn to her because of the books she was reading. They were all about art. That was all she ever read. I’d never seen anyone read so many art books. I wanted to approach her and introduce myself, but by then I’d given up on ever finding someone who would want a relationship with me. So, I just stuck to my table and did my research while she continued sitting on that same green chair a few feet away.”

“Amelia loved telling that story,” Dean said fondly. “She’d always complain about how long it took you to finally talk to her.”

“You know I’m terrible at social interactions. Anyway, one day after leaving the library, it was pouring outside and I saw Amelia standing on the sidewalk, getting wet from head to toes. I opened up my umbrella and rushed to her side to cover her from the rain. She looked up at me with the brightest smile and she thanked me. And then she said, ‘You’re the guy who’s always looking at scary books, aren’t you?’ And I said, ‘You’re the girl who’s always looking at art books, aren’t you?’ And then I gave her a ride home and she asked me for my number because Amelia loved taking the initiative. We were pretty much inseparable ever since.”

Dean looked over at him with a smile. “Amelia was amazing. You were lucky to have met her.”

“Yes, and I was lucky to have met you, too.” Castiel didn’t know what he had done to deserve having two great loves in his life. But he would do everything to cherish Dean the same way he’d cherished Amelia. 

“Cas, I didn’t know that being in love could feel this good and not as terrifying as I had expected.”

Castiel touched Dean’s arm, caressing it gently. “I promise I will make sure loving me is never terrifying. I just want you to be happy, Dean. I feel fortunate that I get to be the one to make you happy. For a while, I was so worried that you’d end up falling in love with someone else.”

Dean glanced at him. “You never had anything to worry about. I’ve only ever had eyes for you.”

“As soon as you’re done driving, I’m gonna kiss the fuck out of you.”

Dean laughed. “I’ll hold you to that.” After a few seconds, Dean said, “Cas, I gotta be honest about something right now.” Dean was completely serious and it was throwing Castiel off. “I’m starting to really like Harry Styles.”

Castiel let out a breath of relief, grinning smugly. “I knew he’d win you over.”

“This stays between the two of us.”

Castiel gave Dean a look. “There’s no shame in loving Harry Styles.”

“For you, maybe. I have an image to upkeep. Sam would never let me live it down.”

“Well, could you at least be more open to new music?”

Dean sighed. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Great. Let’s listen to Taylor Swift now.”

“What?”

“You promised.”

“Fine. You know I can’t say no to you.”

Castiel smiled. “I know.”

**Dean**

Dallas was awesome. Dean had always wanted to visit Texas, but he’d never had the chance. Sam had picked the perfect place for Dean and Castiel to visit. The only downside to downtown Dallas was the confusing highways. Dean missed their exit four times.

Eventually though, they made it to their hotel. 

The Omni Dallas Hotel was glorious. Stepping through the automatic glass doors was like stepping into luxury. The air smelled like a spa waiting to relax him. The lobby was filled with upholstered furniture and pillows, and there was art on the walls that made no sense but was most likely more expensive than his car. Dean knew that he didn’t belong in a place like this, but he could pretend for these three days. 

While checking in, the woman at the front desk found their reservation under Dean and Castiel Novak.

“Excuse me?” Dean said.

Castiel smiled. “That’s us. Thank you.”

Dean gave Castiel a look, but Castiel ignored him, focusing on signing the paperwork. Once they had their room keys, they went to the elevator. Castiel pressed the number ten and the doors closed.

“Dean and Castiel _Novak_?” Dean asked.

“It was obviously a mistake,” Castiel said easily.

“Yeah, but I’m a Winchester, not a Novak.”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “There’s nothing wrong with being a Novak.”

“Whatever. I’m not taking your last name.”

Castiel did a double take, gaping at Dean. “Are you—do you realize what you just implied?”

Dean spluttered. Shit, he’d really fucked up now. He’d made it sound like he was expecting to marry Castiel someday. Was he? Hell, Dean didn’t know. He hadn’t thought about that. They’d just started dating and it was way too soon and he should have just let it go when he’d had the chance. Now how was he going to fix this? 

“I wasn’t talking about marriage,” Dean said. “Who’s thinking about marriage? Not me. I never think about marriage. Marriage is overrated.”

Castiel’s eyes softened. “You don’t have to avoid the topic of marriage simply because I’ve been married before. We’ll have to discuss it eventually.”

That took Dean by surprise. “We will?”

“Of course. But we don’t have to do it now.”

Dean nodded. Maybe he was getting too far ahead of himself. Like Castiel said, they didn’t have to talk about it now.

Fortunately, their room was just as awesome as the rest of the hotel so it became Dean’s center of attention. As soon as they walked inside, Dean abandoned his suitcase at the entrance and sped to their king size bed. Dean jumped on it, rolling over to his back with his arms wide open as he closed his eyes and smiled. This was a memory foam bed and it was fitting nicely around his sinking body. Dean didn’t want to get up anymore. Forget their dinner at the fancy restaurant. Dean wanted room service so he wouldn’t have to get out of bed.

Dean felt Castiel’s head fall on the crook of his arm and Dean opened his eyes to look at him. 

“Do we have to get dressed up for dinner?” Dean asked.

Castiel rolled onto his side, facing Dean, and he draped an arm over his waist. “Not if you don’t want to.”

“I wanna stay in bed with you.”

Castiel grinned. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Dean brushed his fingers over Castiel’s lips. “But Sam and Jess got us reservations at the Reunion Tower, which apparently is kind of a big deal in Dallas. And it’s right across the highway.”

Castiel held Dean’s wrist and kissed it. “Mhmm. So, I think the polite thing would be for us to not let those reservations go to waste, don’t you think?”

Dean already knew that it would, but it was still nice to pretend that they could ditch all of that to just stay in bed. “Yeah, I know. Should we call Sam and Jess to check on Claire and Dandy?”

“I can call them.”

Dean yawned. He’d woken up pretty early that morning. “I’ll go take a shower then.”

Castiel stopped him from getting up, smiling as he leaned in for a kiss. “You know, our reservations aren’t until 7. We have some time to kill.”

Dean grinned. “What do you have in mind?”

“You wanna makeout?”

“You sound like a horny teenager.”

Castiel laughed. “Only half of that is true.”

Truth be told, Dean was done waiting for the perfect moment for them to have sex. He was more than ready. _Had been_ more than ready. But he was sweaty and most likely smelly from the long drive, and he’d really like to feel confident during their first time. Dean had hoped they would have sex while the clock struck midnight. It would be a nice way to ring in the new year. He just hoped Castiel would be on board with the plan. The plan that Castiel didn’t know about.

“I should shower first,” Dean said. “I won’t take long. I’ll be done by the time you get off the phone with Sam and Jess. Deal?”

Castiel looked at Dean longingly, but then he sighed and said, “Deal.”

But when Dean stepped into the bathroom he let out the loudest gasp of his life. “Cas! Oh my God, Cas, get in here!”

Castiel came running, panic clear on his face. “What is it? Dean, what’s wrong?”

Dean pointed with both arms at the mirror that had a television. A rectangular area of the mirror just transformed into a television. It was surreal. “Dude, this place puts TVs in the bathrooms. How awesome is that? Is this what it feels like to be rich?”

Castiel let out a breath of relief and slapped Dean’s arm. “What is wrong with you? I thought you’d gotten hurt.”

Dean rubbed his arm. “I’m fine. But have you seen this before? What year is this? Did we time travel to the future? Is Texas years ahead of Oklahoma?”

“Dean, it’s just a TV. We have TVs.”

“Not in the bathroom. This is a game-changer. We need one of those in our house.”

“We’re not putting a TV in our bathroom. You said you wouldn’t take long in the shower. I’ll be waiting for you.” Castiel pulled out his phone. “I’m dialing.”

“Alright, let’s make this interesting.” As Dean unbuttoned his pants and lowered down the zipper, Castiel’s gaze dropped instantly. Dean smirked. “I bet you twenty bucks that I’ll be done by the time you end the call.”

Castiel licked his lips and his eyes widened as Dean slipped out of his t-shirt, tossing it on the floor. Then Castiel’s eyes flicked back to Dean’s. “You’re on.”

“Close the door on your way out,” Dean said, hands on the waistband of his jeans.

Castiel’s eyes lingered a little too long on Dean’s chest before he left, closing the door behind him. 

Dean let out a shaky breath, dropping his pants and boxer briefs in one go. It would be a really long day.

Determined to win, Dean took the quickest shower he could manage while also still scrubbing himself clean. He guessed it was over within five minutes tops. Knowing Sam, he would give the phone to Claire so she could talk to Castiel and that would take up some time. Dean knew he was going to win.

Since he hadn’t brought his clean clothes into the bathroom with him and there was no time for drying up, all Dean did was wrap a towel around his waist and nearly ran out of the bathroom. Castiel was sitting on the edge of the bed, with the phone still pressed up to his face, saying his goodbyes.

Dean smirked. He knew he’d win.

But Castiel didn’t seem to care. As soon as he was off the phone, his gaze traveled down the length of Dean’s body. The same longing he’d had in his eyes before had returned with more intensity. Castiel was looking at Dean like Dean was the center of the universe and it was fucking incredible.

“Did you talk to Sam?” Dean asked. Did Castiel really find Dean this attractive? His pupils were completely dilated. A deep, dark blue.

“Yes,” Castiel said, voice hoarse. “Claire and Dandy are okay. Come here.”

Dean moved without protest when Castiel hooked both of his arms around Dean’s waist, pulling him between his open legs. “I’m all wet.”

“I don’t care.” Castiel moved one of his hands to the back of Dean’s neck, lowering him so he could kiss him. This kiss was much different from the one he’d given him earlier. This one was full of need and desire that Dean was feeling now, too. Castiel pulled Dean down until Castiel’s back hit the bed, and Dean toppled over him. Dean was still slightly worried that he would get Castiel all wet, but Castiel didn’t seem at all bothered by that. Castiel rolled them so that Dean was underneath him and then Castiel kissed him deeper, eager tongue pressing against Dean’s tongue over and over again.

“Cas,” Dean gasped, pulling away. But Castiel continued kissing down his jaw, his neck, his clavicle, and Dean forgot how to form coherent sentences. “Hey, Cas.”

Castiel lifted his head before it continued traveling lower. “What is it? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m more than alright.” Dean smiled. “I wanna have sex with you.”

Castiel widened his eyes. “Are you sure? I don’t want to rush you. I just happen to find you incredibly irresistible, but you know you can always tell me to stop.”

Dean laughed. “Hell yeah, I’m sure. I’ve been wanting this for some time. Stop trying to talk me out of it. Unless you don’t want to?”

Castiel smirked. “Oh, I _want_ to. I have wanted to for a very long time.” Castiel pressed a kiss below Dean’s ear, and then whispered, “I want to make you feel good.”

Dean nodded, and then he let go of all of his previous inhibitions and just focused on feeling.

Castiel’s mouth moved down his torso, the tip of his tongue licking the water droplets still on Dean. Castiel licked his way down Dean’s body, reaching his belly button before trailing back up. Then he took Dean’s left nipple into his mouth, sucking on it before nipping around it. Dean let out a moan that sounded more like a groan and he gripped the comforter with both hands, his toes curling.

Castiel gave a gentle kiss to that nipple before he moved to the other one, giving it the same attention. Dean let out another loud moan before biting his lip. Castiel’s open mouth kissed down Dean’s body and he placed a gentle kiss on the softness of Dean’s stomach that Dean had been so self-conscious about. But right now Dean couldn’t think of anything other than Castiel, and Castiel’s mouth, and Castiel’s tongue trailing down, down, down.

Then Castiel undid the knot on the towel, uncovering Dean, who was already half hard. Usually, whenever Dean tried to get himself off, it would take him from fifteen to twenty minutes just to get a semi. But Castiel had only kissed him for a couple of minutes and had achieved a lot more than Dean ever had on his own. Castiel licked his palm before taking hold of Dean’s cock, and Dean let out a loud gasp.

While keeping his hand on Dean’s cock, Castiel moved up again to kiss Dean on the mouth with long, languid kisses that had Dean falling apart. 

“What do you like?” Castiel asked against Dean’s lips, continuing the firm but soft strokes on Dean’s cock. “Tell me.”

“You’re already pushing all my buttons,” Dean said, grunting at one particular stroke. “I could use your fingers, though.”

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. “Don’t we need lubricant for that?” It was slightly comical how concerned he looked while continuing jacking Dean off. 

“I got it covered,” Dean said. “Open my bag.”

Castiel removed his hand and then went to open Dean’s bag, hurriedly searching until he found the small bottle and a roll of condoms. Castiel looked up with a wide smile. “You were really prepared, huh?”

“Oh yeah. Get back here.”

Castiel didn’t waste any time as he knelt between Dean’s legs. He’d only brought the lube with him, but Dean was happy to have just Castiel’s fingers. Castiel spread some of the lube on his palm and then rubbed three fingers against it, covering them entirely. Then, Castiel placed a pillow beneath Dean’s ass, kissing Dean’s inner thigh before he pressed his index finger tentatively against Dean’s opening. Castiel looked at Dean, watching for his reaction.

“Go ahead,” Dean encouraged. “You won’t hurt me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Cas, I’ve stuck way bigger things up there.”

Castiel chuckled. “Alright.” He was on top of Dean again, kissing him deeply as he pressed his index finger inside, sinking in further and further. “Okay?”

Dean nodded, holding Castiel’s face in his hands as he kissed him again. “Yeah, fuck yeah. Add another one.”

Castiel added his middle finger and once they were both in there, he scissored them, sending a thrill straight to Dean’s cock. Yeah, this was perfect. Castiel’s tongue was somehow doing the same deep exploration in Dean’s mouth as his fingers and it felt spectacular. When Castiel added a third finger, Castiel pulled away from the kiss. A second later, Castiel took Dean’s cock in his mouth, slowly swallowing him with the awkwardness of someone who’d never done this, but with the enthusiasm of someone who really wanted to. 

Dean moved one hand to Castiel’s head, burying his fingers in his hair without adding any pressure. If this was Castiel’s first time giving another man a blow job, Dean would make sure it was as easy for him as possible. But even with lack of experience, Castiel managed to take Dean deep while keeping most of his teeth away, letting his tongue work its magic. Dean nearly screamed when, as Castiel swallowed more of Dean, his fingers reached his prostate. 

“Ah, fuck, Cas, that’s fucking amazing.”

Castiel pressed his fingers again, applying the right pressure, while his mouth sucked Dean’s cock at the same time. If he kept that up, Dean would come in no time. Castiel seemed to have the same train of thought because he didn’t falter as he continued moving his fingers, opening and closing them, filling Dean up completely. 

The constant pressure against his prostate was giving Dean the pleasure he needed to reach the edge. He could feel it building and building, and he resisted the urge to buck his hips, but he knew it was coming, he could feel the precome leaking out of him, which Castiel must be tasting now.

“Cas, I’m close,” Dean warned him, shutting his eyes and letting out a loud moan. “I’m so close. You need to—you need to move or else.”

But Castiel didn’t move. He kept going, encouraging Dean with a firm hand on Dean’s hip. 

Dean opened his eyes, meeting Castiel’s deep blue gaze, and that was what did it. The look of pure desire in Castiel’s eyes made Dean come harder than he had in a very long time. Dean came inside Castiel’s mouth, and Castiel swallowed half of it down before he released him, and the rest of Dean’s come smeared against Dean’s stomach. Dean was entirely worn out on the bed, barely wincing when Castiel’s fingers disappeared.

Castiel sprawled on the bed beside Dean, reaching for Dean’s towel to wipe Dean off. It seemed that Castiel never stopped taking care of Dean. He even pressed little kisses to Dean’s shoulder, making Dean shiver. He was in that sleepy, after-sex daze and it was awesome.

That was until Dean remembered that Castiel was still fully clothed.

“Hey,” Dean said, meeting Castiel’s gaze again. “Take your clothes off.”

“You’re tired,” Castiel said.

“No, I’m fucking blissed out. It’s your turn now. I wouldn’t be a gentleman if I didn’t take care of you.”

Castiel smiled, straddling Dean’s lap. “If you insist.” Castiel buttoned off his shirt with nimble fingers, tossing it over his shoulder. The tattoo on his chest was perfect.

“So eager to get undressed,” Dean said, placing his hands on Castiel’s hips as Castiel unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. “I thought you didn’t want me to see your hot abs and fall in love with you.”

Castiel laughed, rolling off of Dean for a second in order to get both his pants and underwear off, and then returned to straddle Dean’s lap again. His cock was fully hardened and Dean smiled at the thought that Castiel got so close to the edge by giving Dean pleasure. “Well, circumstances have changed. You can do both of those things now. In fact, I encourage it.”

Dean took hold of both of Castiel’s shoulders, rolling them until Dean was on top of Castiel. “You’re so beautiful, it’s unreal.”

Despite everything that had already happened between them, Castiel blushed. Dean would never get tired of seeing him like this, so open and willing and gorgeous.

Dean grabbed the bottle of lube, covering his hand before he wrapped it around Castiel’s cock, which was already leaking at this point. When Dean bent forward, he kissed up Castiel’s jaw until he reached his ear and nipped his earlobe, loving the short gasps escaping Castiel’s lips. “Tell me what _you_ like.”

“You,” Castiel said simply.

“Always a romantic.” 

Castiel bit his lip. “Your mouth would be nice.”

“You got it, baby.” Dean kissed slowly down Castiel’s body, leaving a few bites here and there, just enough pressure to keep hearing the beautiful sounds Castiel was making. When Dean reached Castiel’s happy trail leading to his cock, he moved even slower, teasing the sensitive area there with the brush of his lips.

“Dean,” Castiel said, his voice urgent and full of need.

Dean grinned, looking up to find Castiel staring at him. He gave Castiel’s cock another long stroke and Castiel threw his head back, eyes shut as a groan escaped him. “You’re perfect like this.”

“I can’t believe this is finally happening,” Castiel panted.

“You’ve thought of this?” Dean dug his teeth into Castiel’s inner thigh, licking the area afterwards.

“ _Yes_ ,” Castiel hissed, hand in Dean’s hair. “Yes, all the time, Dean.”

“Then I won’t keep you waiting any longer.” Without any more preamble, Dean took Castiel’s cock in his mouth, only the shaft at first, keeping his hand wrapped around the base. Castiel’s moan was sweeter than any song Dean had ever heard. And Castiel’s hand tightened in Dean’s hair, pushing him down gently. Dean removed his mouth briefly. “You can move, Cas. I’ve done this before. I can handle it.”

Castiel didn’t need to be told twice to start moving. Dean set both of his hands on Castiel’s hips, guiding Castiel’s pace. Dean removed his hand to take him in deeper. Dean didn’t have much of a gag reflex, so he allowed Castiel to keep pushing inside, tongue sliding against his cock before sucking him. Castiel’s eyes were closed and his mouth wide open, with his other arm thrown over his head. Like this, Castiel looked completely unguarded. He was transparent in the way he took his pleasure. It was a wonderful sight. Dean never wanted to stop. Being able to tear Castiel apart this way was unbelievable.

“Dean, Dean,” Castiel said, gripping Dean’s hair tighter. “Fuck, Dean, I can’t hold it in.”

_Don’t_ , Dean wanted to say, but his mouth was busy at the moment. Instead, Dean sucked him harder and deeper, gripping his hips to keep him moving. Castiel’s movements had become erratic, losing their previous pattern, and Dean could already taste him. 

The moment Castiel reached his climax would probably remain forever ingrained in Dean’s mind. Castiel screamed his way through his orgasm. It was part scream, part groan, part moan, but entirely fantastic. Dean had never been with such a vocal partner before. Castiel wasn’t holding back at all. He was shaking and breathing hard as he came down from the high, his hand still firmly in Dean’s hair.

Dean swallowed him down completely, backing away until he was dry. Then he went to lay down on his side beside Castiel, one hand supporting his head while the other traced patterns on Castiel’s firm torso. He was nicely built and gorgeously tan. Dean had only ever seen Castiel shirtless a few times, but it was a treat to see him completely naked in bed. 

It took a few moments for Castiel to open his eyes, searching for Dean’s instantly. “I think I blacked out for a minute there.”

“It sounded like it,” Dean said, chuckling.

Castiel took Dean’s hand in his, lacing their fingers. “I always pictured our first time being amazing, but my fantasies were nothing compared to this.”

“I’m glad I didn’t disappoint.”

Castiel gave Dean a look. “How can you say that knowing you have that mouth?”

Dean smiled. “You like my mouth?”

“I _love_ your mouth.” Castiel cupped Dean’s cheek. “I love _you_. Thank you for loving me, too.”

“Cas, falling for you was the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

Castiel pulled Dean’s face down to kiss him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Do you have a preference when it comes to penetrative sex?”

Dean kissed Castiel’s eyebrow. “Are you asking if I’m a top or a bottom? Definitely bottom. But I can top if you ask nicely.”

Castiel seemed to ponder that. “How do I know what I am?”

Dean shrugged. “You gotta try both and see which one you prefer. You might find out you’re versatile.”

Castiel smiled. “That sounds like a great idea.” He hesitated. “When I saw the condoms, I wondered which one of us would wear it. It’s why I didn’t grab one. I didn’t want to assume.”

“Don’t worry, I can teach you the wonders of gay sex. It will be my honor.”

Castiel laughed. “Shut up. I’m not some virgin. I know some things.”

“Yeah, you were really good at what you were doing. Was it your first blow job?”

“Yes,” Castiel said, his cheeks red. “Was it bad?”

“Hell no. You were incredible.”

“I just wanted to make you feel good.”

“Well, you rocked my fucking world, Cas.”

Castiel kissed him again. “That was a nice way to kill the time.”

“It really was. I thought we would wait until after dinner. Have it be this really romantic moment. A nice way to ring in the new year.”

Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean’s waist, pulling him down enough to kiss down Dean’s neck. “Let’s do that, too. After all, it sounds like you have a lot to teach me. I’ll be your willing student.”

“Hey,” Dean whispered into Castiel’s ear. “Let me see your tattoo.”

“It’s really not that exciting, but okay.” Castiel rolled onto his stomach. _So it goes_ was tattooed in a typewriter font on his lower back, right above his ass crack. Dean ran his fingertips over it, understanding why Castiel hadn’t wanted Dean to see it when they were just friends. It felt too intimate. Dean felt lucky that Castiel trusted him with this, however small it may seem.

“I like it,” Dean said, his hand skirting down to Castiel’s ass, giving him a light slap. “I couldn’t resist.”

Castiel laughed. “We really can’t waste more time. I’m going to hop in the shower before we go to dinner. Try not to look so naked when I come back or I’m not letting you out of this room.”

“Is that a promise?”

“Dean, we’re not wasting that reservation. Sam and Jess were kind enough to gift this to us.”

Dean frowned. “You had to mention my brother right now? What a buzzkill.”

“But it worked.” Castiel got out of bed, strolling into the bathroom with a bounce in his step.

“You still owe me twenty bucks!” Dean called out and Castiel laughed. Dean didn’t tear his eyes away from Castiel until the door closed behind him. And then, he smiled up at the ceiling, mesmerized by the way Castiel made him feel. How had no one ever told Dean that this was what being in love felt like? He’d been missing out for so many years.

He could hear his heartbeat in his head, beating wildly at the realization that Dean got to have this. 

Dean got to be happy now. 

  
  


**Castiel**

The Reunion Tower took them 560 feet off the ground and Dean had hated every second of it. Castiel had no idea that Dean was afraid of heights and apparently neither had Sam. Or maybe Sam and Jess hadn’t realized that the elevator that would take them up to the restaurant they’d chosen was full of glass windows to show their ascendance, making their journey entirely more terrifying for Dean. The entire time, Dean had a deadly grip on Castiel’s hand, shutting his eyes like he was hoping they would be teleported to safety if he just kept them shut long enough.

The restaurant was all the way at the top of the glowing ball. There was a deck where they could stand and gaze at the city. In the night, thousands of lights lit the skyscrapers. But Castiel only got a small glimpse because Dean couldn’t stand the sight. At least the inside of the restaurant was normal. On second thought, the restaurant wasn’t entirely normal—it was spinning. Granted, the revolving aspect was slow, but it didn’t help the situation.

They’d been seated at a table with a view.

“I hate this,” Dean said, hiding his face in his hands, elbows on the table.

“I’m so sorry, Dean,” Castiel said. “Do you want to go?”

Dean groaned, rubbing his face before lowering his hands. “No, I’m okay. Sam is gonna owe me one when we get home, though.”

“Does he not know you’re afraid of heights?” Castiel asked.

“ _I_ didn’t know I was afraid of heights,” Dean said. “I’m afraid of flying, but I didn’t think it was because of heights. Turns out it is. How many feet off the ground are we again?”

Castiel gave him a look. How would that possibly help? “Don’t think about that. I think the city looks great at night. We don’t see stuff like this back home.”

Dean peeked out the window with one eye, but he quickly shut it, shook his head, and turned to look at Castiel. “Nope. Nothing like this in Oklahoma City. We don’t eat in spinning restaurants in the sky because we’re sane!”

“We really don’t have to stay here,” Castiel insisted, reaching across the table to cover Dean’s hand with his own. 

Dean let out a shaky breath. “It’s New Year’s Eve. There’s probably no other restaurant with open tables tonight.”

Castiel shrugged. That was the least of his concerns. “So what? We can go back to our room, get some room service. We don’t need to eat anywhere fancy.”

Right then their waiter appeared, offering them some wine.

Castiel raised an eyebrow at Dean. “Just say the word.”

Dean hesitated, seemingly fighting an internal battle. In the end he looked up at the waiter. “I’m sorry, I think we’re gonna leave. Let me give you a tip for your troubles.” Dean pulled out his wallet, handed the waiter a handful of bills and then he was out of his seat, making a beeline to the elevators. Castiel trailed behind him.

“Dean, come here,” Castiel said, pulling Dean in by the waist as they waited for the elevator doors to open.

Dean wrapped both of his arms around Castiel’s shoulders, burying his face in his neck. “I’m sorry. I know this must look so stupid.”

“None of this is stupid,” Castiel whispered into his ear. “I’d rather not be anywhere that makes you this uncomfortable. It’s alright. I’m here. Don’t be afraid.”

Dean nodded and Castiel kissed the top of his head.

As soon as the elevator doors opened Castiel guided them both inside. They made their way to the bottom floor with Dean’s face still hidden away to avoid the glass windows. Once they reached the ground and the doors opened, Dean lifted his face, wary eyes making sure there was no danger. Castiel kept a hand on the small of Dean’s back, walking close beside him until they reached the street. 

With eyes closed, Dean took in a deep breath, releasing it seconds later. When Dean looked at Castiel, he looked embarrassed. Castiel wasn’t having that.

“I know what you’re going to say,” Castiel said. “But I’m going to stop you. Our night is not ruined. It’s just getting started.” Castiel extended his hand. “Let’s go to our room.”

Dean took his hand and let Castiel lead him.

On their way to the truck, they ran into a street vendor who was selling tacos. There was a long line of people ordering and a set of picnic tables on the lawn. The delicious smell was making Castiel’s mouth water. 

Castiel turned to Dean, tugging his hand. “You want some tacos?”

Dean smiled. “Yeah, I could go for some tacos.” 

After waiting in line for a few minutes, they ordered their chicken and beef fajita tacos. They looked as good as they smelled. They bought two Cokes to go with them. Luck was finally on their side because one of the picnic tables was vacated at that moment and they were able to sit down.

Dean took a big bite, humming contentedly. “This is so good.”

Castiel took a bite as well and he had to agree. “Much better than I’ve ever had.”

“I wish we had stuff like this back home.”

Castiel chuckled. “Dallas is great, isn’t it?”

“Keeps getting better.”

They ate their tacos in comfortable silence. The night was beautiful. There was laughter all around them. Castiel was glad that they’d changed their plans. Although any time spent with Dean was always fantastic.

Once they were done eating, Castiel asked Dean if he wanted to go for a walk.

“You wanna go for a walk without Dandy and Claire?” Dean asked with a smile.

“It’s romantic this way.” Castiel stood, offering Dean his hand. Dean took it. Castiel led him to a walkway lit up by Christmas lights. The trees were glowing in white, red, and green. It was cold, but not unbearably so. Castiel kissed Dean’s knuckles. “Last year when we went to Charlie and Rosa’s New Year’s Eve party, I wanted to kiss you.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “You did?”

“Yes,” Castiel said. “I don’t think I allowed myself to realize it at the time, but the desire was there.”

“I wanted to kiss you, too.”

Castiel softened his eyes. “I kind of wish you had.”

Dean squeezed his hand. “I kept trying to convince myself that we were better off as friends.”

“I’m glad we’re not just friends anymore.” Castiel bit his lip. “Don’t get me wrong, I always loved being your friend, but this is so much better.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Dean said. He stopped walking. “You wanna go back to our room? I miss the bed.”

Castiel nodded. “Let’s go.”

When they made it back to their room, Castiel ordered chocolate covered strawberries and a bottle of sparkling wine to celebrate. After getting off the phone, Castiel found Dean sitting on the bed against the headboard. He’d already taken off his shoes, coat, and jacket. He still looked ridiculously attractive in his slacks and white button up shirt. Castiel removed the same articles before joining Dean on the bed. The television was playing old reruns of _The Office_.

“Give me your hand,” Castiel said, setting his own hand out.

Dean furrowed his eyebrows before he placed his hand on top of Castiel’s, who turned it over so his palm was up. “What are you doing?”

Castiel traced his fingertips over Dean’s palm. “I’m reading your palm. I want to see what’s in store for you this new year.”

“You don’t know how to read palms,” Dean said, but he didn’t withdraw it.

“Shh, I need to concentrate.” Castiel continued inspecting Dean’s hand, seriously. His fingertips followed the various lines and shades of pink. “I see a lot of good things in your future, Mr. Winchester.”

Dean smiled. “Do you?”

“I see a handsome man at your side,” Castiel said. “He’s so in love with you, it’s a little concerning. He fears his heart won’t fit in his chest anymore because of how full it is when he’s with you.”

“You’re so smooth.”

“I see a clever baby girl,” Castiel said. “She’s your daughter. She wants you to go on more walks with her and your dog. She also really wants you to stop giving her chocolate milk before bed because it makes it so much harder to sleep.”

“You’re getting all that from my hand?”

“Shh,” Castiel said, index finger over his mouth. “There’s more. I also see you and your daughter accompanying the handsome man on his book tour in the spring. He would really like it if the two of you were there.”

Dean met Castiel’s gaze and his eyes were a charming green. “Are you sure you want us both there? We might just get in your way.”

“That’s nonsense,” Castiel said, cupping Dean’s cheek. “The only thing you two ever do is lift me up. I want you there.”

Dean nodded. “Then we’ll be there.”

Castiel kissed Dean and he relished the softness of Dean’s lips and the friction of his tongue making its way inside Castiel’s mouth. Castiel sucked on Dean’s bottom lip and the moment he felt a tug on his shirt, Castiel climbed onto Dean’s lap, rolling up Dean’s tie in his hand to pull him closer. Castiel moved his mouth to Dean’s neck, kissing with abandon as he felt Dean’s hands snaking under his shirt. “Take it off,” Castiel whispered in Dean’s ear.

Dean didn’t waste any time unbuttoning Castiel’s shirt with agile fingers. Castiel turned and twisted until the shirt was off. Then greedy hands traveled down Castiel’s chest, pupils fully dilated. Dean’s eyes got so dark when he was with Castiel and it never failed to thrill him. 

Castiel grabbed one of Dean’s wrists, moving his hand even lower. Right when Dean’s hand reached Castiel’s waistband, there was a knock at the door that sent them both jumping. Castiel hadn’t realized that he’d been panting with anticipation until he had to attempt to control his breathing.

“Damn it,” Dean grumbled, and both of his hands were gone. “It’s our room service. I’ll go get it.”

“I’ve never before been cockblocked by food,” Castiel said, frowning as he rolled off of Dean back to his side of the bed.

Dean smiled. “You haven’t lived, Novak.”

Despite all the grumbling they both did at the arrival of their snacks, they did make the time to eat the strawberries and drink the sparkling wine. 

Dean kept getting distracted by Castiel’s chest and arms, his glass halfway to his mouth as his eyes roamed Castiel’s body.

Castiel chuckled. He pulled Dean closer to him on the bed and then fed him a strawberry. 

Dean took a bite, the chocolate cracking into small pieces and falling down. “That’s good.”

Castiel hummed, biting the same strawberry. He leaned back on the bed, enjoying the flustered look Dean was giving him. Castiel wasn’t sure how much harder he had to hint.

Dean pushed the strawberries away and looked Castiel in the eyes.

“So, you know I brought condoms,” Dean said. “But I thought maybe we should talk about this before we have sex.”

“Talk about what?” Castiel asked, suddenly curious.

“Well, this is probably something we should have discussed before what we did earlier, but I’m clean. After Lisa, I got tested. So you have nothing to worry when it comes to that.”

“Ah, I see,” Castiel said. “You’re wondering if we should use the condoms. Well, if that’s the only thing holding you back, you don’t have anything to worry about. I’m clean, too. And you’re right, this conversation was long overdue.”

“Okay, glad we covered our bases.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Did you think about what you wanted to try with me? Top or bottom?”

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “I want to be the top.”

Dean grinned. “Perfect. Let me go get ready. I’ll be right back.” Dean hesitated, turning around before he reached the bathroom. “I promise sex won’t be this technical after tonight. I just wanted us to be on the same page.”

Smiling, Castiel nodded. “I don’t mind. I love that we can communicate about everything. Go get ready. I’ll wait here for you.”

While Dean was in the bathroom, Castiel put his shirt back on and stepped out to the balcony. He leaned against the railing, admiring the view. This wasn’t as high as the Reunion Tower had been, but it still showed the expansive city. Dallas was huge and filled with lights. Castiel had alway wanted to visit and he was glad that he’d gotten to experience this for the first time with Dean. They were only here for a few days, but he would make sure they made the most of it.

The new year was approaching them and all Castiel could think of was his present and his future, both involving Dean. Tonight, his past wouldn’t weigh him down. All of those miserable things he’d lived through felt so insignificant compared to the amazing things he got to live now. It was all a matter of balance. Castiel had finally found the perfect balance in his life. And it was all due to Dean. Wonderful, beautiful, amazing Dean. The man Castiel was head over heels for. The man who owned Castiel’s heart.

“Cas?”

Castiel turned around to find Dean on the sliding glass doorway. “Dean, don’t come out.”

“I’m fine, Cas, really.” Dean took a step forward, and then two more, but after taking one look down, he took two steps back. “What are you doing out here?”

“Thinking about the new year,” Castiel said. “And my life. With you.”

“You think about that a lot?”

“Yes. Don’t you?”

Dean nodded. “I do. Truth is, I thought about spending my life with you back when we were just friends. I thought that it made sense, being with you forever. I never wanted to let you go.”

Castiel closed the distance between them, placing his hands on Dean’s hips. Their noses brushed and Castiel smiled. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“I hope I’m just as good of a boyfriend.”

“Even better.” Castiel kissed the corner of Dean’s jaw, walking them a step back. And then another. “You’re my best friend, my boyfriend, my present, my future, my all.” Dean shivered under his touch, goosebumps everywhere. “Do I make you nervous?”

“Just a little.” 

“Yeah?”

Dean covered Castiel’s mouth with his own, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s neck, letting him continue walking him backwards until his knees hit the bed and they both tumbled down. 

Once they were both horizontal, Castiel set all his weight on Dean and he dug his hands in Dean’s hair, tilting his head to the perfect angles as he devoured him with long, deep kisses. Dean always gave as good as he got and it drove Castiel wild. When Castiel moved his mouth to Dean’s neck, nipping him right below his ear, Dean unbuttoned Castiel’s shirt, working to remove it again. Castiel was starting to regret putting it back on until he remembered how good it felt to be undressed by Dean, with urgency and desperation. Castiel held himself up, helping Dean to get the shirt off of him, and then Castiel removed Dean’s shirt, his arms getting caught until Dean lifted his arms completely.

Shirtless, the friction of their bare chests touching was delicious. Castiel’s heart was racing and his breathing was hard and they were still half-clothed. So many times before, Castiel had to stop himself from getting too carried away with Dean. He’d wanted to respect Dean and go at his pace. It was almost surreal that he got to have this now, that he didn’t have to stop anymore. 

The moment Dean’s hands reached between them to get to Castiel’s zipper, Castiel lifted himself up by his hands and knees, allowing enough room for Dean to work on getting his pants off. Dean was fast and agile and he managed to get Castiel fully naked in mere seconds. Castiel was impressed, but there was no time to waste because Dean was still dressed on the bottom half. As soon as Castiel undid the button and lowered down the zipper, Dean helped him get the pants off. He was as eager as Castiel and it was magnificent.

Seeing Dean fully naked again was just as breathtaking as it had been earlier. Dean’s body was so stunning, like a sculpted work of art, so perfect it was mesmerizing. His torso was wonderfully soft. He couldn’t help himself from touching it, memorizing its every curve. This time, Dean didn’t push him away; he lied there, open and leaning to Castiel’s touches. 

Castiel kissed down Dean’s chest to his stomach, making sure that Dean knew how much Castiel loved every part of him, especially the ones he was nervous about. 

“Cas,” Dean said, panting. “I want you inside me. Now.”

Castiel met Dean’s gaze, moving his mouth back to Dean’s, kissing him until Dean was moaning. Blindly, Castiel reached for the bottle of lubricant that was on the nightstand. He knelt between Dean’s legs as he spread the lubricant on his fingers. The first time, Castiel had been worried about hurting Dean, but the process had been far easier than he had imagined. This time, he knew what he was doing a little better, so he was more confident when he inserted the first fingers on Dean’s opening. 

While Castiel moved his finger in deeper, he kissed Dean, swallowing all of the lovely noises he was making. “I can’t wait to feel you, all of you.”

“Me too.” Dean moaned just as Castiel went deeper. “Another one. Please.”

Castiel added another finger. He scissored his fingers because last time, Dean had been thrilled about that. Dean arched his back, lifting Castiel up with the movement. In awe, Castiel asked, “Another?”

Dean nodded over and over. “Yes, yes, yes.”

Castiel added a third finger and Dean gripped both of Castiel’s arms, lifting his hips to rub his erection against Castiel’s. Castiel had been so focused on Dean’s every reaction that he had forgotten about his own needs. He realized that he was just as hard as Dean, and the friction Dean had created between them was suddenly overpowering all of his senses. Castiel didn’t want to come until he was inside Dean, but he also didn’t want Dean to ever stop rubbing himself against Castiel. He tried to focus on the movement of his fingers inside Dean, trying to reach that pressure point that drove Dean wild before. He knew he found it when Dean let out a yelp followed by a deep groan. 

“I want you, Cas,” Dean said, breathless. “Get in me.”

Castiel looked into Dean’s eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want me to wear a condom?”

“Fucking sure,” Dean grunted. “I wanna feel you.”

Castiel removed all of his fingers and Dean winced. Getting the bottle of lubricant open with slippery fingers was a feat, but Castiel managed somehow. And then, he made sure to spread it over his leaking cock with an oddly steady hand. Dean leaned up on his elbows, watching Castiel closely, and then he spread his legs even wider. Castiel grinned. 

Once Castiel was fully coated, he pushed Dean back down on the bed, angling his cock in the right direction. “Tell me if I’m hurting you.”

“You won’t,” Dean said confidently.

Still, Castiel eased inside carefully. The pressure was beyond anything Castiel had imagined. He’d never done this, not even with a woman, and he was not prepared for how tight it would be. It felt fucking glorious. Castiel slid all the way inside achingly slow, reading Dean’s face to make sure he wasn’t hurting. 

“I’m good,” Dean reassured him.

When Castiel was fully seated inside, the wonderful pressure as tight as ever, he shook with anticipation. He wanted to move, but he needed to be sure Dean was ready for that.

Dean winced slightly, but then he hooked both his feet around Castiel’s thighs, anchoring him, and wrapped both arms around Castiel’s neck. “Move, baby. I got you.”

Castiel let out a long breath as he started moving, each thrust better than the one before. Castiel set his forehead on Dean’s shoulder, hands gripping the covers. “You feel amazing, Dean.”

“I’m glad we did this without the condom.” Dean kissed Castiel’s temple. “I wanted to feel you like this. I wanted to get as close to you as possible. I—” Dean let out a long moan when Castiel thrust at a different angle.

Castiel knew he’d hit Dean’s prostate again. In the midst of all this hazy pleasure, Castiel was glad that he’d learned how to make Dean feel good already. Castiel would make it his duty to continue learning Dean’s pleasure, his sensitive points, the areas of his body that made him shiver when touched or kissed. Castiel wanted to make Dean feel loved in every way possible.

When Dean started meeting every one of Castiel’s thrusts by bucking his hips, Castiel covered Dean’s mouth with his own, kissing him senseless. The kiss was just another way to feel even more connected to Dean. It was sloppy and wet and breathy, but Castiel wouldn’t have it any other way. Dean’s cock was rubbing against Castiel’s torso, hard already, and Castiel snaked his hand between them to grasp it. When he began stroking it, Dean’s hips faltered, the heels of his feet digging even deeper into the back of Castiel’s thighs. 

“So good,” Dean breathed against Castiel’s mouth. “So good, baby.”

Castiel gave another thrust at the angle Dean enjoyed while stroking his cock and biting his lower lip, earning him a set of obscene moans that made him smile smugly.

In response, Dean did something that further increased the pressure Castiel was already feeling, and he let out a moan of his own, kissing Dean again and licking the lip he’d bitten. 

Dean chuckled. “You liked that, huh?” And then, he did it again.

“Holy fuck, yes,” Castiel said with another moan. He picked up the pace, pushing and pulling faster and harder, keeping his mouth pressed against Dean’s. They weren’t exactly kissing, but Castiel didn’t want to move away from Dean’s mouth in order to feel his shallow breaths and gasps directly.

“Cas,” Dean panted. “I’m about to—I’m going to—”

Castiel stroked him faster. “Do it. Let go. I’ve got you. I’m not letting go.”

Dean’s hands slid down to Castiel’s shoulders, fingers digging into flesh as Dean’s come spurted out of him, his body shaking with the motion. 

Castiel couldn’t tear his eyes off of Dean, the way his swollen lips parted and his long lashes met his freckles, the blush on his cheeks and neck, the bead of sweat that was sliding down his forehead. Dean looked spectacular like this, exhausted, but happily sedated. Castiel wanted to capture this moment in his memory, seal it there forever. But he quickly got distracted, realizing that his thrusts had become sporadic and he was going to come quickly.

Despite having just come down from his high, Dean kept moving his hips, encouraging Castiel to keep going, holding his face in his hands as he kissed him. All it took was a bite on his lip for Castiel to reach his climax and then he dug his hands in Dean’s hair, gripping onto him, never breaking off their kiss.

Castiel kissed Dean’s jaw as he slid out of him. He knew he should get up and grab a towel to wipe themselves off, but he was worn out, so he stayed right where he was on top of Dean.

“Cas?” 

“Hmm?” Castiel had his eyes closed, face buried in Dean’s neck.

“I need to get up.”

“Oh.” Castiel rolled off of him. “You okay?”

Dean nodded. “I just need to take care of business. Not wearing a condom requires it.” He rushed to the bathroom, and when he returned, he had a clean, damp towel to wipe off Castiel’s stomach. Dean smiled, tossing the towel aside before snuggling close to Castiel, who threw a hand around Dean’s waist, drawing him closer. Dean threw an arm and leg across Castiel. “So. First time being a top. Thoughts?”

Castiel laughed softly against Dean’s hair. “I’m definitely a fan. It’ll be hard to top that. No pun intended.”

Dean chuckled. “I’m kinda relieved you feel that way.”

Castiel was quiet for a moment as he rubbed Dean’s arm. “I’d still like to try bottoming. I want to try everything with you, if you’ll let me.”

“We can arrange that.” Dean kissed Castiel’s neck.

“We should probably finish the wine I ordered. It’s New Year’s Eve, after all.”

“Let’s do it.”

They refilled their glasses and got back in bed, naked under the covers. _When Harry Met Sally_ was on and Castiel was set on watching it, so they did. Castiel had always loved this movie. It was a New Year’s Eve classic. It was likely that Dean would have argued against it during any other time, but Castiel had recently discovered that post-sex Dean was much more pliant—and most importantly, cudly. Dean was half laying on Castiel and he absolutely loved it. 

Dean set his empty glass on the nightstand before laying his head on Castiel’s shoulder, and Castiel leaned his head on top of Dean’s. In so many ways, their relationship hadn’t changed from when they were just friends. Sure, things had gotten a lot more physical between them, but other than that this was them, in essence. Just two people who couldn’t get enough of each other, who found safety and comfort in each other’s company. 

Castiel knew with certainty that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Dean.

**Dean**

“Happy New Year, Cas,” Dean said.

Castiel kissed him deeply. “Happy New Year, Dean.”

This was by far the best start of any year Dean had ever had. Maybe it was a good sign, something that would follow him throughout the year. Or so he hoped. Dean wasn’t exactly superstitious, but he was holding out hope that things were going to work out for him. Not just with Castiel, because his relationship with Castiel was already unbelievably good. But with every other aspect as well. 

Same as always, Dean wished that Ben was back in his life. Dean missed him so much. There wasn’t a day that went by when Dean didn’t miss Ben. If he could at least hear his voice, or know that he was doing okay, that he was still obsessed with dogs, that he still loved Capri-Suns and lollipops. Dean wanted to talk to him, to remind him that he loved him, would always love him. Dean wondered if Ben would still remember him years from now. Would Ben forget him? Dean knew he wouldn’t ever forget Ben, but he knew that young kids often forgot certain aspects of their childhood. Dean would most likely be forgotten, too. Maybe it was for the best. If Ben forgot about Dean, then he wouldn’t have to miss him. That would be a good thing, as painful as it was for Dean to admit it.

“Dean?”

Dean met Castiel’s gaze. “Hey. I’m okay. Just thinking about Ben.”

Castiel nodded. “That’s understandable. Do you want to talk about it?”

Dean sighed. “I was just thinking that it might be better if Ben forgets about me. So he doesn’t miss me like I miss him. He’s young, right? He’s likely to forget me. It’s not something I want, but I know it’d be for the best.”

“Dean, I don’t think Ben could ever forget you. I find it hard to believe that anyone who’s ever met you would be able to forget you. You leave an impression on people. A mark. Besides, fathers are the hardest to forget. I haven’t forgotten mine and I don’t exactly like him.”

That much was true. Dean would probably never forget John Winchester, despite everything he’d put him and Sam through. He hated that he was relieved to hear Castiel’s reassurance that Ben wouldn’t forget him, though. That was terribly selfish.

“I’m sorry that I ruined our moment,” Dean said. “I feel like I tend to do this. I don’t know how to be romantic like you.”

“You didn’t ruin anything.” Castiel pressed a kiss to his temple. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.”

Dean lifted his glass. “Here’s to a new year with you, Claire, and Dandy.”

Castiel clinked their glasses together. “To a new year with our family.”

Dean liked the sound of that.

Morning brought more than sunshine. It brought soft kisses that turned into desperate kisses that turned into dry humping that turned into real humping that turned into orgasms real quick. Dean hadn’t woken up to sex in such a long time that he couldn’t remember. Not that any sex he’d had in the past could ever compare to sex with Castiel, who was by far the best Dean had ever had. Afterwards, Dean and Castiel both hopped in the shower together, but since they weren’t teenagers anymore, the shower stayed pretty clean.

Later, they went down to the hotel’s restaurant for breakfast, which was as delicious as it was expensive. Dean didn’t know how Sam could afford such a fancy hotel. Well, he _did_ know. Sam made good money. But Dean still thought it was too much money for Sam to be throwing away. Dean would make sure to thank him right after slapping him upside the head for getting them reservations at that awful spinning restaurant.

Dean had a mouthful of pancakes when Castiel started smiling, but it wasn’t his usual soft smile, this one was secretive and weird. What was he hiding?

“What are you hiding?” Dean asked.

Castiel leaned forward on the table. “I have a surprise for you.”

Dean swallowed his food. “What kinda surprise?”

Castiel wiped the corner of Dean’s mouth with a napkin. “Have you ever heard of the Fort Worth Stockyards?”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows. “What the hell is that?”

“Apparently, it’s the full cowboy experience. In a city half an hour away. That’s where we’re going today.”

Dean heard the word _cowboy_ and he was excited. “You know I’m down for that, but this is _our_ weekend. Are you sure you wanna spend it looking at cowboy stuff?”

Castiel reached for Dean’s hand, taking it in his. “Yes, I’m absolutely sure. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“Love of my fucking life.” Dean widened his eyes, realizing that he’d said that out loud.

Castiel gave him a gummy smile that wrinkled his nose. “Love of _my_ fucking life.”

“I told you, it’s your fault I’m such a sap now. I was normal before I met you.”

Castiel laughed. “You weren’t in love before you met me.”

Dean smiled because even he couldn’t joke about that being untrue. He took a big bite of his bacon. “Eat up. We got cowboys to see.”

The Fort Worth Stockyards was pretty much heaven on earth.

It was a long stretch of road surrounded by shops, museums, restaurants, and everything else Western theme. They made it right on time for the cattle drive. That’s right: this place had a cattle drive. With actual cattle. Men dressed as cowboys were riding horses beside the cattle, all of them walking in the middle of a road. What year was this?

The place also had a Texas Trail of Fame, which was a thousand times better than the Hollywood Walk of Fame. This one honored fucking cowboys like John Wayne, Zane Grey, Wyatt Earp, and Mark Twain. Dean had to stop and take a picture with all of the names he recognized. Castiel didn’t make fun of him once. Then the two of them went to the Cowtown Cattlepen Maze and got lost there for an entire hour. Dean was terrible at mazes and apparently so was Castiel, but they eventually made it out.

Dean spotted a line of people and pulled Castiel by the hand to see what the fuss was about. The fuss happened to be a bull that was available for sitting and petting and photo ops. When Dean turned to Castiel with a silent question, Castiel was already nodding at him.

“I’ve never seen a bull up close,” Dean said, inspecting the animal closer. “Actually, that’s a steer.”

“How do you know?”

“‘Cause it’s got no balls.”

“Poor bull,” Castiel said.

Dean agreed with the sentiment. “I guess it’s pretty rare to see a bull in the middle of a crowded street like this one. They’re aggressive. That’s why they castrate them.”

Castiel stared at Dean for a moment. “You know way too much about this topic.”

Dean smiled. “This is my area of expertise, Novak.”

“Let’s go meet the steer.”

While they waited in line, Dean called Sam.

“Hey, Dean, how’s it going?” 

“It’s going pretty well, Sammy,” Dean said, locking eyes with Castiel. “How’s my daughter doing? Has she asked about us?”

“She can’t talk yet, Dean.”

“Maybe not to you, but she talks to me. Put me on speaker. I wanna say hi.”

Sam huffed. “Okay, you’re on speaker. Claire, honey, your dad wants to talk to you.”

There was some babbling on the other side of the line. A lot of “ahhhh’s” and “bah’s” and “dah’s.” 

Dean grinned. “Hey, baby girl. How’s your Uncle Sam treating you? Is he feeding you alright? What about Aunt Jess? Have you been playing with Scoob?”

“Dad,” Claire said. She’d started saying the full “Dad” about two weeks ago, but it was still as impressive and amazing to his ears.

“That’s right,” Dean said, full of pride. “It’s your dad.”

Castiel took the phone from Dean. “Hi, honey. I miss you so much.”

Dean tried to take the phone back, but Castiel was having none of that, blocking all of Dean’s attempts. “We were having a nice talk, asshole.”

Castiel squinted his eyes at Dean. “I love you, Claire. Dad and I will be home soon, alright?” Then he handed the phone back to Dean.

“Hello?” Dean said, but he was disappointed when Sam answered with the same greeting. “Where’s my daughter?”

“Dean, you know she has an attention span that lasts two minutes, tops. She’s on the floor playing with her Legos. Dandy’s getting along really well with Scoob. I think they like each other.”

“Hey, don’t let that dog of yours get any funny ideas,” Dean said. “Dandy’s spayed. She’s not having any of his children.”

Sam chuckled. “I’ll pass on the message. But hey, tell me about your trip. Are you and Castiel enjoying your romantic getaway?”

“I’m not giving you any dirty details, you pervert.”

“No need to be a jerk. I just wanted to know if this trip has, you know, helped you guys get _closer_.”

Dean shook his head at Castiel, who was giving him a funny look. “We’ll talk when I get home. I’m about to get on a steer.”

“Alright, have fun!”

Dean hung up.

“What did Sam want?” Castiel asked.

Dean put the phone back in his pocket. “To be an annoying little brother.”

Castiel smiled. “Well, I think it’s your turn now.”

Castiel was right. They were next in line for the steer. Dean pulled Castiel with him. Since only one of them could sit on the steer, Castiel allowed Dean to get that spot while he stood on the ground beside him. Dean pet the rough hair on the back of the steer’s head while the handler took the picture with Dean’s phone. They gave the man a tip before walking away.

“That was awesome,” Dean said, looking over his shoulder at the brown steer.

“How about we go horseback riding next?”

Dean stopped walking. “We can do that?”

“Yeah, of course. You up for it?”

“Hell yeah, I’m up for it. Let’s go.”

They found the stables in no time. They decided to ride the horses on a long, smooth trail with a small group. Dean had never been on a horse before, but he’d dreamt of this moment his entire life. Castiel claimed that he’d gone horseback riding once at age seven, but he didn’t remember much of it. Regardless of their lack of expertise, they both found that they were pretty good at mounting and riding a horse. It wasn’t rocket science, after all.

Dean ran his hand through his horse’s black mane. “Cas, look, isn’t this mare gorgeous? Can we take her home?”

From a few feet beside him on a white gelding, Castiel laughed. “No, Dean, we cannot take a horse home with us. We already have a baby and a dog. That’s more than enough.”

“But I love her.”

Castiel shrugged. “You should have found yourself an actual cowboy living on a ranch instead of hooking up with a writer living in the suburbs.”

Dean grinned. “Well, this might be the best place for me to start looking.”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

“I’m just saying. If there’s a cowboy out there who’ll let me have a horse, you might find yourself replaced.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “Keep it up, Winchester. You want to sleep on the couch tonight?”

Dean blew Castiel a kiss and winked. But Castiel only squinted further. Dean threw his head back in laughter. The mere thought of Castiel ever being replaced in Dean’s life was nonsensical. There was no competition.

After horseback riding, they went to grab some dinner at the Stockyards Station.

Castiel had apparently not let go of Dean’s joke from before because as soon as they sat down at a picnic table table to eat their burgers, he pointed out a few cowboys, labeling them as possible contenders. “How about that guy, with the tan hat and red boots? Maybe he’ll be your future boyfriend.”

Dean swallowed his food, trying to restrain a smile. “Oh yeah, he’s hot. I’d date him.”

“What about that one? The one with the scorpion belt buckle.”

Dean nodded. “Hot, too. Definitely boyfriend material.”

Castiel met Dean’s gaze. “Are you fucking with me or do you really find them all attractive?”

“I couldn’t care less about what any of them look like,” Dean said in earnest. “You’re the fairest of them all.”

“Shut up.” Castiel smiled. “I guess I’m just trying to figure out what your type is. I never understood what drew you to me.”

Dean gaped at him. “You serious? You’re fucking delightful, Cas. I was drawn to you from day one. And you have to know that you’re also really, really good looking. But, you know, I didn’t really let myself see you that way until much later.”

Castiel leaned his head on his hand. “Yeah, I think it was the same for me. I don’t know how, but every day, I think I love you a little bit more.”

It was moments like these that made Dean wonder if this was all just part of an incredible, vivid dream. This couldn’t possibly be his reality, could it? He couldn’t be so lucky, could he?

Dean leaned closer. “I would never trade you for anyone else. All these cowboys can go to hell for all I care. I just want you, in the suburbs, with our baby and our golden retriever.”

“And you call me a romantic.”

“Well, what can I say? You make me spill my heart out with all this talking we do all the time. This is brand new territory for me. I used to keep it all inside. That’s the Winchester way, remember?”

Castiel smiled. “But you’ve gotten so good at the talking thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You always know the right thing to say. Keep making me swoon like this and I’ll wear that cowboy hat you got me in bed.”

Now that sounded like an interesting proposition. “Seriously?”

“You know I keep my promises.” Castiel stole one of Dean’s fries.

Dean grinned. “Let’s go check out the museum next.”

“Lead the way.”

After walking through the entire Stockyards Museum, they were just in time for the Championship Rodeo. It was better than Dean had expected and his expectations had been pretty high. 

The team roping and bull riding were Dean’s favorite, but Castiel seemed to enjoy the barrel racing the most. They’d bought a couple of beers, but while Dean stopped after his first one, Castiel kept going until his third, leaving him completely tipsy. Dean found that a tipsy Castiel was a handsy Castiel. Not even a rodeo could hold Dean’s attention when Castiel’s hand fell on Dean’s thigh, rising higher and higher, falling dangerously in between Dean’s parted legs.

Dean had no idea that Castiel had a frisky side of him. Castiel, who wouldn’t let Dean put his feet on the coffee table, who always had to follow the rules, who had never had sex on anything other than the comforts of a bedroom. This is what led him to initially ignore Castiel’s wandering hand, believing that it was just a playful thing that wouldn’t go anywhere. Until Castiel threw all of Dean’s preconceptions out the window, palming Dean’s cock over his jeans. 

Dean jumped, eyes wide as he turned to Castiel, who had a daring smirk on his face. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” Castiel didn’t remove his hand.

Dean was getting hard real fast. He leaned in to whisper in Castiel’s ear. “Dude, we’re in public. Are you drunk?”

“I’m not drunk,” Castiel assured him, and that might have been true because he didn’t slur any of his words. “I just want you.”

“Now?”

“Now.” Castiel’s voice was a low gravel in Dean’s ear, sending a shiver down his spine.

“Restroom?” Dean’s heart was racing. Were they really doing this? Dean had always been pro adventurous sex, but he didn’t have much experience doing it in public places. 

Castiel bit his lip, nodding. “Come on.”

They found the men’s restroom, but there was a line and too many witnesses. Dean pulled Castiel down another hall and he tried opening a few doors that were locked. 

“There has to be a porta potty outside,” Castiel said.

“We gotta draw the line somewhere.”

“Do we?”

“Yeah. What’s gotten into you? I thought you were all for the rules.”

“Not anymore. Not with you.”

Dean tried to focus on finding an empty room for them, but all he could feel was Castiel’s hands. One of them was in Dean’s back pocket, as an excuse to touch his ass of course, while the other slid inside Dean’s shirt, touching him anywhere he could.

Dean managed to get a door open and found that it was the janitor’s closet. Dean pushed Castiel inside with him. Before he could get a word out, Castiel pushed Dean against the door. His mouth was on Dean’s throat, leaving hot, wet kisses leading all the way to his collarbone. “Cas.”

“I’ve never done this in a closet before.” Castiel nipped Dean’s earlobe, his hands gripping Dean’s hips possessively.

“Me neither,” Dean said, panting as Castiel worked to undo his pants.

“Then I’m glad we get to have a first together.”

Dean’s pants went down to his ankles and Castiel’s knees hit the ground. With eyes closed, Dean threw his head against the door, biting his lower lip to keep from being too loud. He realized that hadn’t been an issue until now.

“Cas,” Dean said, because it was the only word he could remember. The only name his mind could conjure up anymore.

And then, he simply gave in to the moment.

  
  


**Castiel**

Holy fuck.

Castiel couldn’t keep his hands off of Dean. Every new thing he did with Dean became his new obsession. The first time they’d kissed, Castiel couldn’t get enough of his kisses. Now that they’d had sex, Castiel couldn’t get enough of it. To go as far as having sex in a public place—in the janitor’s closet at a rodeo, no less—was something Castiel had never imagined he’d do. But being with Dean was bringing out a different side of himself that he hadn’t known before. A daring, carefree, wild side. And Castiel really liked it.

After exchanging incredible blow jobs in the too small closet, they snuck outside quickly, laughing as though they were students getting away with a little mischievousness during school hours. It certainly felt that way. Once they were on the sidewalk, Castiel pressed Dean against a wall, kissing him, tasting himself in Dean’s mouth and loving it. He smiled into the kiss because he was deliriously happy.

When they pulled away from each other, Castiel could do nothing but stare into Dean’s eyes, smiling from ear to ear. Right now, it was just the two of them and they could indulge in this deep feeling that bound them together. They could kiss under the moonlight in the middle of a street outside of a rodeo. They could do this all night if they wanted to. 

“I love you,” Castiel whispered, pressing another kiss to Dean, sucking on his lower lip until Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist, pulling him even closer.

“I know,” Dean said, kissing down Castiel’s jaw.

Castiel laughed. It bubbled out of him like a fizzy soda that had just been shaken. “Did you just Han Solo me?”

“Yeah.” Dean kissed his mouth again, his tongue playful just like his hands on his back.

Castiel pulled away to catch his breath and held Dean’s face in his hands. “I’m not ready to go back to our room yet. Should we get some dessert?”

Dean smiled. “I thought what we just did was dessert.”

Castiel laughed again. “Knowing you, that wasn’t enough to satisfy your need for pie, was it?”

Dean widened his eyes. “Pie?”

“I thought so. Let’s go get some pie.”

Castiel pulled Dean by the hand to the truck. They found a small business in Dallas called Emporium Pies that sold actual homemade pies. Dean ate his slice of peach pie while making sinful noises, which gave Castiel a show. He stabbed his fork into his pie, unable to tear his eyes from Dean.

“What?” Dean asked when he caught Castiel staring at him.

Castiel grinned. “You’re a very passionate pie eater.”

“Am I?”

“On second thought, you’re a very passionate person in everything you do.”

Dean winked. “You know it.”

Castiel took a bite of his pie. “Did you have a nice day at the Stockyards?”

Dean hummed, swallowing down. “It was the best day I’ve had in a long time. I didn’t think we were gonna go on a Western adventure this weekend. And I didn’t think it was gonna end like it did.” Dean lifted his plate. “With pie.”

“It’s our last night in Dallas.” Castiel knew that he would miss this city. It had brought him so much joy.

“Not for good,” Dean said. “We’ll come back.”

“You’d go on another romantic getaway with me?”

“I’d go anywhere with you.”

Castiel was touched to know that. He would go anywhere with Dean as well. Either traveling or permanently. It didn’t matter. Dean was his home. The realization wasn’t that surprising to Castiel. Long ago he’d given Dean his heart. The more time passed, the deeper Castiel fell for the beautifully stubborn man devouring a slice of peach pie like it was his favorite thing in the world. Loving Dean was like a neverending freefall. Castiel pictured himself on top of a rollercoaster. Every day he fell again and again, unexpectedly and suddenly, but wonderfully so. That electrifying feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever Dean did something as simple as hold his hand, the way he became flustered just being around him, it was intoxicating. 

The feeling was enough to make him want to break all of the preconceptions he’d had in life, all of the rules he’d thought he should follow. Castiel had formed these preconceptions and rules as a teenager when he’d felt completely alone in the world. He’d always thought that he needed to be strict with himself in order not to stray from his goals. Castiel had always believed that he could only rely on himself. Therefore, he couldn’t fail himself. The only time he’d ever done something unplanned was when he’d gotten the words _So it goes_ tattooed on his lower back.

Along the way, Castiel had learned to rely on others. Amelia had been his rock, the most solid and real aspect of his life. And she’d tried to get him out of his shell plenty of times, but eventually she just let him be. Castiel had appreciated that at the time. He didn’t want to change. There was no reason to change. Things had been working fine all of his life exactly the way they were, so Castiel never even attempted to break out of the regiment he’d created for himself.

But losing Amelia had made Castiel realize that change was inevitable. Life would keep throwing him curveballs, so it was senseless to stay stuck with the same ideals his entire life. Having Dean there when he’d needed him the most and being able to rely on him had helped Castiel loosen up more than he had his entire life. Castiel had never before felt this free. Free from himself, from the Castiel that had cut off his family when he’d decided to remake his life. Now it felt as though Castiel was making up for lost time. Suddenly, he wanted to live through all of those monumental experiences young people had when they felt they could be reckless. When they had nothing holding them back.

Dean made Castiel feel young again. Castiel wanted to chase that feeling. And he wanted Dean to be the one to guide Castiel through those experiences he’d missed out on, which was how they ended up making out in the truck on an empty parking lot in the middle of the night. Fogging up all the windows.

“Fuck, Novak,” Dean grunted when Castiel pressed his hips down at the same time that Dean lifted his hips up. Castiel was straddling Dean’s lap, arms wrapped around Dean’s neck as he kissed it, trying not to leave any visible marks, but most likely not succeeding. “You know we have a perfectly good hotel room, right?”

“I don’t care,” Castiel said, biting the sensitive skin beneath Dean’s ear, earning a moan from Dean that drove Castiel wild—wild _er_.

“You’re full of surprises.”

“I love surprising you.”

Dean laughed, hands sliding inside Castiel’s shirt, touching him everywhere. “I love your deep voice when we’re kissing.”

“You do?” Castiel asked in Dean’s ear and felt him shiver underneath him. Castiel smiled. “I guess you do.”

“As hot as I am for you, Cas, I’m also getting cold out here.”

Castiel would be lying if he said he wasn’t cold himself. “Me too.” He kissed Dean’s forehead before he climbed off of him. “We should go back to our room. Take a hot bath.”

“Now that’s a great idea.”

“I know. I’m full of great ideas.”

“Always so modest.”

Castiel turned on the radio as Dean drove with a hand on Castiel’s knee. They listened to Harry Styles. This time, Dean voiced no protests as the music filled the space between them.

Castiel couldn’t have asked for a better end to their day.

It was truly a shame when they had to drive back home the following day. 

Saying goodbye to Dallas, Fort Worth, and the memories they’d made in these cities was unfortunate. Castiel wished their trip had been longer. However, they had a daughter to take care of, so they didn’t really have the privilege of long vacations. Well, at least not on their own. Maybe on their next getaway, they could bring Claire. She would love to go horseback riding. She loved animals.

The thought of seeing Claire was what kept Castiel going today as he drove and Dean napped. Castiel took his eyes off the road for a couple of seconds, smiling at the cute way Dean slept. His arms were folded in front of him and his head rested on the window, lips parted as a little drool slipped out. He’d probably be out the entire ride home. Castiel had worn him out last night. 

And that morning.

By the time Castiel pulled into Sam and Jess’s driveway, Dean would have had a long enough nap to recover. Castiel woke Dean up with a light shake on his arm and then he laughed when Dean jumped awake.

“It’s alright,” Castiel said. “We’re home.”

Dean took a few deep breaths, rubbing his eyes. “We are?”

“Well, not quite. We’re at Sam and Jess’s.”

Dean was beaming, fully awake now. “Claire!” And then he was out the door, rushing up the front porch.

Castiel trailed behind Dean, who let himself into Sam’s house the same way he had let himself into Castiel’s house before—with the spare key under the mat.

It was nice to know some things never changed.

The house smelled like cinnamon and chocolate. Dandy and Scoob ran up to Castiel while Claire ran up to Dean, arms up so Dean would pick her up. As soon as Dean did, Claire let out a loud giggle, legs bouncing in the air. Dean filled her with kisses before throwing her up in the air, making her giggle some more. Claire loved being tossed around. Dean was all for it, but Castiel hadn’t dared do that. He was afraid he’d accidentally drop her.

“Hey, guys, welcome home,” Sam said, greeting Castiel with a hug. “How was the trip? You guys have a good time?”

“It was amazing, Sam,” Castiel said. “Thank you so much for the thoughtful gift.”

Sam clapped Castiel’s shoulder. “You’re very welcome. I’m just glad to see you both so happy.”

“Hey, boys,” Jess said, walking into the room holding a steaming mug in her hands. 

Castiel leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Hello, Jess.”

“Dad.”

Castiel spun around to find Claire attempting to jump from Dean’s arms to his own. Castiel opened his arm to catch her at the same time that Dean let her go. Castiel hugged Claire tight, kissing her dimpled cheeks. “Hi, honey. I missed you so much.”

Claire held Castiel’s face with her small hands. “Dad.”

It never got old how clearly Claire called Castiel and Dean _dad_. Castiel had freaked out a little the first time it’d happened. It still made him smile. 

“You guys want some hot chocolate?” Jess asked. “Come sit. Tell us about your trip. Sam has been complaining about not receiving any pictures from either of you.”

Castiel looked at Dean. “You didn’t send him the pictures we took?”

“Oh, shit. I forgot.” Dean pulled out his phone. “Fair warning, most of these are just of the Texas Trail of Fame.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “You dragged Castiel to the Stockyards?”

“You knew about the Stockyards and you didn’t tell me?” Dean asked, offended. “That’s fucking rude, man.”

“I thought you knew about it!” Sam said. “You’re obsessed with cowboys.”

“Well, I didn’t. But Cas was nice enough to spend the day there with me.”

Sam nodded to Castiel. “He’s a keeper.”

Castiel smiled before he turned back to Jess. “I’d love a hot chocolate, thank you, Jess.”

A couple of hours later, they were eating Chinese takeout at the dinner table, trading stories. Castiel and Dean shared stories from their trip while Sam and Jess shared all the eventful and uneventful things Claire did in their absence. Most of the things Sam and Jess found captivating about Claire were things Castiel and Dean already knew about, like how she liked to dance to any music she heard, and how she looked genuinely surprised while playing peek-a-boo, and how she called broccoli “trees.” It was one of the few words in her vocabulary, but since broccoli was her favorite vegetable, she’d learned it pretty quickly.

“Did you guys like the spinning restaurant?” Sam asked.

Dean raised his eyebrows, pointing his index finger at him. “I’m glad you brought that up. Hell no, I didn’t like it. That shit was like a thousand feet off the ground! I almost had a heart attack.”

“Are you serious?” Sam looked mortified. “Dean, I had no idea you were scared of heights.”

“Me neither!” Dean said. Then he sighed. “We couldn’t stay. We ended up eating street tacos. They were awesome, so I guess it all worked out.”

Sam chuckled. “At least you guys managed to salvage the night. I’m really sorry, Dean. I’ll remember next time.”

“You gonna send us back to Texas?” Dean wondered, looking at Castiel across the table with a wide grin.

“You must have really liked Texas,” Jess said. She had Claire on her lap while she played with Jess’s hair. “I thought Oklahoma was your favorite place to be.”

“Oklahoma’s home,” Dean said. “But it’s so damned boring here.”

Castiel cleared his throat. “ _I’m_ here.”

“Yeah, and you’re damned boring,” Dean said.

Castiel squinted. “You’re an asshole.”

“Oh you know what I mean,” Dean said, waving a hand dismissively. “I just hadn’t been anywhere in years. Not since—well, not since Ben. I think I missed traveling. I missed those long ass road trips Sammy and I used to go on.”

Sam nodded, sipping his hot chocolate. “Yeah, those were the good old days. But we were young at the time, Dean. We didn’t have any real responsibilities. Now I have Jess, and you have Castiel and Claire. We can’t just take off like we used to.”

Dean looked down at his empty mug, pensively. It was obvious that he’d realized what Sam had said was true, but he was still disappointed. Castiel hadn’t known that Dean had such a strong wanderlust. Sure, Dean had talked about his road trips in the past, but Castiel had thought that they were just a fond memory, not something he wanted to repeat. 

Dean sighed. “Yeah, I know, Sammy. I can’t just travel the country like I used to.”

“Why not?” Castiel asked.

Dean looked up at him, blinking. “What do you mean? You heard Sam. I have you and Claire. We can’t just take off on road trips.”

“I’m not opposed to traveling.”

Dean hesitated before speaking again, opening and closing his mouth like he couldn’t get the words out. “You mean, you’d consider driving around the country with me and Claire?”

Castiel nodded. “Yes, absolutely. It probably wouldn’t be a walk in the park, but we’d manage.”

“You’d seriously do this?” Dean asked, leaning forward on the table. “You’d travel the country with our daughter? For me?”

Castiel leaned forward, too. “Yes, Dean. I love you. There’s very little I _wouldn’t_ do for you. Besides, I like road trips. I’m sure Claire would, too. The younger we get her used to them, the more we can go on.”

Dean looked from Castiel to Jess and then to Sam. “Are you guys listening to this? Love of my fucking life, I tell you.” Then he turned back to Castiel. “You’re fucking perfect.”

Castiel laughed. “You called me boring a minute ago.”

“That’s ‘cause I’m an idiot,” Dean said.

“I second that,” Sam said, raising his mug before taking a sip.

Dean shot him a glare. “Hey, this is between me and my boyfriend.”

Sam smiled. “Still true.”

Jess touched Castiel’s arm. “You might not be perfect, Castiel, but we think you’re perfect for Dean. Seriously, you two make a lovely couple.”

“Thank you, Jess,” Castiel said. “I think?”

“Hey, only I get to insult him,” Dean said to Jess.

Castiel rolled his eyes. This was the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. 

Castiel wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Dean**

Dean had spent all day cooking Castiel’s favorite foods—a chicken penne pasta, Caesar salad, and chocolate cake. Dean had even made him freshly squeezed lemonade. He’d wanted to go all out for Castiel’s birthday. Before getting started, Dean had asked Castiel to stay out of the kitchen and let him work without his usual distractions in the form of kisses, ass grabs, and the like. Dean was proud of Castiel for only interrupting him once, sneaking into the kitchen with the excuse of wanting a glass of water, but not leaving until he pressed Dean against the counter and made out with him for a while. As far as interruptions went, it wasn’t a bad one. 

Now that dinner was almost ready—Dean was still waiting on the pasta in the oven—he was on his way to find Castiel in the living room to distract _him_ from his work. Castiel was currently looking over the last version of his book before it went to print in a couple of months while Claire took her afternoon nap. But before Dean even left the kitchen, he heard the bell ring. Despite it being Castiel’s birthday, neither of them were expecting any company today. Castiel’s only birthday wish was spending the day with his family, so Dean had respected that. 

It was probably Charlie and Rosa, bringing over a muffin basket as a birthday gift.

“I got it,” Dean called out, opening the door.

But it wasn’t Charlie or Rosa. It was Castiel’s sister.

Anna stood on the front porch, wearing a long black coat and holding a small, rolling suitcase. “Hello, Dean. How are you?”

Speechless, Dean let Anna pull him into a tight hug, hugging her back a few seconds later.

“I came to surprise my baby brother,” Anna said. “He’s here, isn’t he?”

Dean nodded, remembering his manners and stepping aside. “Yeah, he’s here. Come inside. It’s chilly.”

Anna entered the house, leaving her suitcase by the door and handing Dean her coat. “It smells delicious. Is Castiel cooking?”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “No, I am. Cas is in the living room. Come on.” Dean led Anna to the living room. Castiel’s smile fell as soon as he saw his sister. Dean was hoping Castiel would at least pretend that he was happy to see her, but he shouldn’t have expected anything different. Castiel hadn’t been too thrilled about her visit last time.

“Hello, Castiel,” Anna said, joining him on the couch and pulling him into a hug. “Happy birthday, kid. I missed you!”

Castiel’s eyebrows were furrowed as he shut his laptop and set it on the coffee table. He cleared his throat. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to visit you. What else?”

“Visit _me_?” Castiel ran a hand through his hair. “Why?”

“For your birthday, silly.” Anna turned to give Dean a look. “I see he hasn’t changed at all. Don’t just stand there, Dean. Come join us.”

Dean hesitated. “Actually, I need to go check on the pasta. Are you joining us for dinner? I made all of Cas’s favorites.”

Anna grinned. “I would love to stay for dinner. Thank you, Dean.”

Dean made his escape as quickly as possible, ignoring Castiel’s pleading eyes. This was probably Castiel’s least favorite surprise, but Dean was determined to make this an awesome birthday for Castiel either way. Maybe this would give Castiel and Anna a chance to catch up. Last time she was here, she’d spent it flirting with Dean. Fuck. That was true, wasn’t it? Dean had even flirted back at times. Dean hoped that was all in the past and it wouldn’t make this evening more awkward.

After Dean set the table, he called Castiel and Anna for dinner. They’d been in the middle of small talk, which was a start.

As soon as Castiel saw the setup, he smiled at Dean. The table had a nice, white tablecloth, a bouquet of red roses as a centerpiece, which had been part of Castiel’s gift, and a few unlit candles. Dean hadn’t lit them because they were there for romance and that probably wouldn’t be appropriate with Anna around. 

“This looks amazing,” Anna said. “I can’t believe you did all of this for Castiel. Dean, you’re such a good friend. Castiel is lucky to have you.”

Dean wasn’t sure if this was the time to inform Anna that he was more than Castiel’s friend, but he didn’t need to. Castiel crossed the room and kissed Dean’s lips, holding his face in his hands as he drew him in. Dean smiled when Castiel pulled away. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel said, taking his seat at the table and scooping pasta onto his plate.

Dean sat down as well. He noticed that Anna was still standing, gaping with wide eyes at the two of them. “Have a seat, Anna. Food will get cold.”

Anna blinked, taking a seat beside Castiel, leaving an empty seat between her and Dean. “Oh my God. Oh my _God_. When did this happen? You two—just kissed. On the lips. Castiel, I didn’t know you were gay. Dean, I didn’t know _you_ were gay.”

Dean and Castiel shared a glance before Castiel turned to Anna.

“I haven’t labeled my sexuality,” Castiel said, sipping his lemonade. “Dean and I have been together for four months.”

“Is this why you rejected me last time I was here?” Anna asked Dean.

Dean coughed. He’d been hoping this wouldn’t come up, but there it was. “No, that wasn’t it. I’m bisexual. I just didn’t wanna go there because Cas was my best friend. And I’m really glad nothing happened because this dinner would have been a hell of a lot more awkward if something had, am I right?”

“I feel so stupid for trying to hit on my brother’s boyfriend,” Anna said, covering her face.

“Dean wasn’t my boyfriend at the time,” Castiel said. “However, I wasn’t too crazy about that even back then. So I’m glad it’s all out in the open. I didn’t want to risk being upset with you for hitting on Dean again.”

Dean cleared his throat. “How about we put this all behind us? No harm, no foul.”

Anna still looked horrified, even as she filled her plate with food. She looked up at Dean. “We almost slept together. If I had known, I wouldn’t have—I mean, I would have backed off way sooner.”

“Anna, it’s okay,” Dean said, wishing she would just drop it.

“I just feel like so much has changed,” Anna said with a frown. “Last time I was here, I found out for the first time you had a kid, Castiel. If I hadn’t dropped by to surprise you today, I would have never known that you’re dating someone new. A man. You’re dating a man. A man I tried to sleep with.”

Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose. “Anna, would you please stop talking about this? Like Dean said, let’s move on.”

“I feel like I’m missing out on so many things, Castiel,” Anna continued. “We’re supposed to be family. But we don’t see each other. We don’t talk. I _want_ to be in your life again.”

Castiel tilted his head. “Why? You’ve never made any attempt to be in my life, Anna. Last time you were here, you spent your time hitting on Dean rather than spending time with me. This is who you are. You’re selfish. I’ve made my peace with it. So you should, too.”

Dean took a bite of the pasta, but he wasn’t hungry anymore. This was bad. This was awful. How the hell was he going to fix this now? This wasn’t how Castiel’s birthday was supposed to go. 

“You think _I’m_ selfish?” Anna asked, clenching her jaw. “You walked out of our lives, Castiel. As soon as you turned eighteen, you left us. All of us. Dad, Mom, me. You didn’t care about any of us. You were a rebellious teenager who felt too good for our family. Do you have any idea how much it hurt to lose you?”

Castiel laughed humorlessly. “I can’t believe you’re blaming me for wanting to live the life I chose for myself. I didn’t want to be Mom’s puppet, like you. I wanted to be _me_. And I couldn’t be me in our family.”

Anna glared at Castiel, but she didn’t say anything else.

“I don’t want to get involved in your argument because it’s none of my business,” Dean said. “But I worked very hard to make today special for Castiel, so I’d really appreciate it if the two of you could stop fighting. At least for today.”

Castiel took a deep breath, turning to look at Dean with a softer gaze. “I’m sorry, Dean. I know you put a lot of thought into this dinner. You shouldn’t be subjected to this.” Then he looked at Anna. “And I’m sorry for raising my voice. But I’m not sorry for anything I said. I meant every word.”

Dean rolled his eyes. That was a terrible apology.

Anna swallowed down hard. “I’m sorry for visiting you and having it thrown at my face. You make it so difficult to talk to you, Castiel. This is why I don’t try.”

There was so much anger and resentment between them. And Dean had never been a great mediator, so he was completely out of his element, but he had to try.

“Okay, first, those apologies sucked,” Dean said. “Second, this isn’t the time to get into your family drama. And third, keep your voices down. Claire is sleeping.”

“Sorry,” Castiel and Anna mumbled simultaneously.

“Good,” Dean said. “Let’s eat now. I’m not letting all this food go to waste.”

Maybe Dean wasn’t all that terrible at mediating because, at least for the rest of dinner, Castiel and Anna stopped bickering. Dean tried to make small talk, but it was like pulling teeth with those two. But Dean couldn’t keep ignoring the elephant in the room. Anna had brought luggage with her. Was she planning on staying with them?

“So, Anna,” Dean said, avoiding eye contact. “How long are you in town?”

“I was planning on staying for a week,” Anna said, lifting her chin. “But I don’t know if that’s a good idea anymore.”

Castiel groaned. “Oh, please. Now you’re playing the victim. I don’t—”

Dean gave Castiel a hard look that shut him right up. Then he looked at Anna. “You’re welcome to stay here. My stuff is in the guest room, but I don’t really sleep there anymore.”

“You’re living together?”

“Yes, Anna,” Castiel said, sounding irritated. “Dean and I are living together and we’re raising Claire together and we’re madly in love. Any follow up questions?”

“Don’t give me an attitude, Castiel.” Anna turned to Dean. “I thought your house was right next door. You don’t live there anymore?”

“Yes and no,” Dean said. “I still own the house, but I only use it to house my car and keep some of my useless crap there. I also have a garden in the backyard, and I like to play my guitar there sometimes. But other than that, I live here.”

“So, you have one foot here and one foot there,” Anna said, narrowing her eyes. “Are you afraid of commitment, Dean? Because even though my brother is a pain in my ass, I really care about him, and I don’t want to find out that you’re just using him for a good time.”

Whoa. That had taken a turn. Dean should have known that not even he was safe. “I’m not using Cas for a good time, Anna. I love him. But we’ve only been dating for four months. I can’t just sell my house and bring all my stuff here. There’s no room for it.”

Anna scoffed. “This house is huge. I don’t buy that excuse.”

“Would you stop interrogating him?” Castiel asked Anna. “Leave him alone. He’s not wrong about the space issue. I haven’t gotten rid of Amelia’s belongings. There isn’t much room right now.”

Anna gaped at Castiel. “Why haven’t you gotten rid of her things yet? She’s been gone for over a year now.”

“I know,” Castiel said, voice quiet. “I know, okay? I just don’t know what to do with everything. I don’t like the thought of going through all of her things. There’s too much to go through. Too many memories. I was going to ask Dean for help, but it must have slipped my mind.”

Dean covered Castiel’s hand with his own. “You don’t have to rush this, Cas. Amelia’s things don’t bother me. I don’t want you to get rid of them until you feel ready. Don’t do it for my sake.”

“No, it’s alright.” Castiel smiled. “I think I am ready. We should do that soon. Maybe next week.”

“Whenever you want,” Dean said. “You know I’m here to help.”

Castiel lifted Dean’s hand to kiss his knuckles. “I know.”

“Great,” Anna said. “Now that the space issue is resolved, will you be selling your house, Dean?”

Dean was getting a headache. “Look, Anna, I don’t mean to be rude, but this isn’t any of your business. If anything, this is between me and Cas. The fact that I still have my house doesn’t make the love I have for Cas any less real. I fucking adore him. I’m not going anywhere.”

Anna sighed. “Okay. I’ll back off. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I just worry for my brother. I don’t know much about you, Dean.” After a beat, she said, “I’d like to get to know you better.”

“We can arrange that,” Dean said, standing up. “I need to go check on Claire. And then we can have dessert on the couch.”

“I’ll get the dishes,” Castiel said.

Dean frowned. “Don’t you lift a finger. It’s your birthday.”

“Dean, I can help. Let me get the cake at least.”

“Fine,” Dean said. “But nothing else.”

“Yes, sir.”

When Dean stepped into Claire’s nursery, he found her wide awake, sitting quietly as she sucked on her pacifier. Lately, Claire had gotten into the habit of not making any noise when she woke up from a nap. Dean thought maybe it was because she was still half asleep, but she could sit there for a good twenty minutes after a nap without making any noise. Dandy liked to stay in the nursery with Claire while she slept, watching over her. But now that she saw that Claire was up, Dandy left the room.

“Hey, baby girl,” Dean said, picking Claire up. He brushed back her blonde hair. “How long have you been up?” Dean should have been checking the baby monitor, but it had slipped his mind with their surprise guest.

After changing Claire’s diaper, they went to the living room, where Castiel and Anna were already on the couch eating cake and—shockingly—not arguing. 

“There’s my beautiful niece,” Anna said, holding out her arms for her.

Dean handed Claire over to Anna, sitting beside Castiel, who handed him a plate with a big piece of cake. Claire looked up at Anna with wide blue eyes, blinking like she was trying to figure out who she was.

“She’s gotten so big,” Anna said, kissing the top of Claire’s head. “But she’s just as precious.”

“Babies grow in the blink of an eye,” Dean said.

Castiel looked at Anna. “Dean and I were going to watch a movie after dinner. Do you...do you want to see it with us?”

“Sure.” Anna smiled at Claire. “You like watching movies with your dad, too, Claire?”

“Dads,” Castiel corrected her. “Dean is also Claire’s dad.”

“Oh.” Anna took a moment to process that, and then she said, “This is a lot to take in all at once. Let’s watch the movie.”

They watched another bad movie. Something Castiel had found called _The VelociPastor_ , which was exactly as absurd as its title. The movie followed a priest who became a velociraptor after a trip to China, and then used his powers to fight evil people and, for some reason, ninjas. Fortunately, it was dumb enough to get them all laughing and Dean counted that as a win.

After the movie, the room felt a lot lighter. Some of the tension had finally dissipated. Hoping to keep the good times going, Dean asked if they were up to play a board game. They didn’t have very many board games, but they did have Candyland. Dean had bought it for Claire, even though she wouldn’t be able to play for another two years. So, they played Candyland.

The game went well, all things considered. There was no more fighting. 

Much later, after Dean got Claire down for the night, and Anna comfortably settled in the guest room, Dean cleaned up in the kitchen. He made sure to leave it all spotless because Castiel was a bit of a neat freak and Dean didn’t want him cleaning up after Dean had cleaned up. Castiel had done that before. 

It was past midnight when Dean was ready for bed. Castiel was already under the covers, reading a book. 

“Hey,” Dean said. “I thought you’d be asleep by now.”

“I wanted to wait up for you.” 

“Some birthday, huh?”

“It wasn’t bad. Just...unexpected.”

Dean started to undress, but he was already clad in his boxer briefs when he realized his pajamas were in the guest room. There was no way in hell he was going in there right now. It was way too risky. Things were finally calm. “Can I borrow some clothes?”

Castiel smiled. “Of course you can. No need to ask. But I wouldn’t mind if you slept like that.”

“Not when it’s this cold.”

“I’ll keep you warm.”

Dean laughed. “You’re a big flirt.”

“I can’t help it when you look like this.”

Dean got in bed just like that, and he closed Castiel’s book, putting it on his nightstand. Then he threw a leg over Castiel, straddling his lap. Castiel’s smile got even wider as he held Dean’s hips, hands slowly making their way to Dean’s ass. Right where he always wanted them.

“It’s still my birthday,” Castiel said, in that low, gravelly voice that drove Dean wild.

“Not anymore,” Dean said. “Too bad. I was gonna give you one more gift in the shape of me, but it’s not your birthday anymore. Guess we’ll have to wait until next year.” Dean tried to climb off of Castiel, but he was held in place by his firm grip. 

“I don’t think I can wait.” Castiel frowned. “Can’t you make an exception for me?”

Dean hummed, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s neck, his fingers digging into his hair. “Maybe. I’m thinking about it.”

Castiel started kissing Dean’s neck softly, his open mouth leaving a hot, wet trail that had Dean biting his lower lip. And then Castiel nipped Dean’s ear, pulling him closer by the ass. “Still thinking about it?”

Dean laughed again, but it was a low, rough sound. “Yeah. I need some more convincing.”

Castiel covered Dean’s mouth with his own, his tongue licking the roof of Dean’s mouth. Dean smiled, grinding his hips against Castiel’s and found that he was already half hard. Castiel moaned into Dean’s mouth and Dean ground his hips again, and again, and again, all while deepening the kiss. Suddenly, it wasn’t so cold anymore.

Dean broke the kiss, breathing heavily. “Thought about it enough. Let’s do this.”

Castiel laughed. “I knew I’d break you.”

Dean kissed him again, and then he felt the world spinning as Castiel rolled him over onto his back, bucking his own hips harder against Dean’s. Dean moaned shamelessly when he felt Castiel’s erection rub against his own. “Fuck.”

“Good thinking.” Castiel reached for the bottle of lube in his nightstand drawer. 

Dean bit his lip as he waited with anticipation for Castiel to get his fingers coated. They’d done this enough to know what the other liked, so they often got straight to the point within minutes. Dean knew that Castiel would eventually want to try to bottom, but Dean was in no hurry to change their current roles. Castiel was amazing in bed, but that was to be expected. Castiel was amazing at pretty much everything.

After opening him up with his fingers, Castiel got inside him, pushing in with ease and expertise. Castiel held both of Dean’s hands above his head, fingers laced, as he thrust in and out of him, making Dean’s toes curl with every right pinch of pressure. Castiel was relentless when it came to giving Dean pleasure every time they did this. 

When they were finished, Castiel draped over Dean like a heavy rag doll, spent and sweaty and gorgeous as usual. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s middle, squeezing him. 

“I love you,” Dean murmured against his hair. “Here’s to many more years.”

Castiel’s face was buried in Dean’s neck, but Dean knew he was smiling. “As long as I get to live them with you.”

“Well, yeah. You’re not getting rid of me.”

Castiel chuckled. “Good night, Dean.”

“Good night, Cas.”

  
  


**Castiel**

On the days following Castiel’s birthday, Dean and Anna spent a lot of time together in order to get to know each other better. Castiel found it ridiculous that after all these years Anna wanted to get to know one of Castiel’s partners. Frankly, he thought it was a little too late, but he had promised Dean not to argue as much with his sister, so he’d kept his mouth shut. Their plan had actually worked in Castiel’s favor because as Dean and Anna entertained Claire away from home, Castiel managed to finish his final manuscript within his deadline.

Now that Castiel was free again, he needed to get started on categorizing all of Amelia’s belongings into two different piles. Some he would keep, and some he would donate. But Castiel didn’t want to do it alone, so he waited until Dean, Anna, and Claire returned from the mall to get Dean to help him. Despite complaining about his sore feet as soon as he arrived, Dean didn’t utter a single protest when Castiel dragged him to his bedroom to get started on all the sorting.

Anna offered to help by watching Claire, which was oddly kind of her. Castiel was starting to think that maybe having Anna around wasn’t a total catastrophe. Anna had been a lot nicer after the first day and Dean hadn’t had anything negative to say about her so far. In fact, Dean seemed really taken with her. Maybe Castiel had been too harsh. He’d try to keep an open mind about Anna from now on. 

But right now it was time to work.

They started with the closet. More than half of it had belonged to Amelia. All of her clothes and shoes were exactly where she’d left them. Castiel stood in his walk-in closet with Dean, staring at all of Amelia’s possessions, unable to make the first move.

“Do you want me to start?” Dean asked.

“No, I’ll do it.” With a deep, steadying breath, Castiel reached out for a floral yellow dress, leaving it in the hanger. He stared at it, remembering the first time he’d seen Amelia in it one afternoon they’d gone out for dinner. Castiel had complimented her dress and kissed her temple. He shut his eyes and shook his head. “There are far too many memories in all of these things, Dean. How am I supposed to just get rid of them?” When Castiel opened his eyes and looked at Dean, he was met with compassion instead of the exasperation he’d been expecting.

“Don’t get rid of them,” Dean said easily. “If you’re not ready, that’s alright.”

“What if I’m never ready?”

Dean shrugged. “Then that’s alright, too.”

Castiel knew that this was something he had to do. He’d talked about it with Jody hundreds of times. It was part of the grieving process and he’d always known it would be difficult. But he _had_ to do this. He had to be brave. Not for anyone but himself. This was only for his own peace of mind. He knew that. It was important _to him_. This was the last physical thing he’d continued clinging to when it came to Amelia. 

“I’m going to do this,” Castiel said.

“You sure?”

Castiel nodded. “Yes. Yes, I’m sure.” Then he handed Dean the dress. “Put this down on the donation pile.”

“Okay,” Dean said, putting the dress gently on the bed. When Dean returned, he looked at Castiel with something like pride. “Let’s do this, Novak.”

Together, they went through the entire closet, discussing each piece of clothing and each pair of shoes in depth. Castiel told Dean about each item, mostly just to get the memories and stories out of him, and then he made his decision to either keep or donate. The stuff he was keeping was for Claire to look through when she was older. He would keep the pieces safe and clean for her. But it wasn’t necessary to keep every item. Castiel knew that much. 

The evening became much more lighthearted as Castiel and Dean started reminiscing about Amelia. It hadn’t occurred to Castiel before how lucky he was to have someone like Dean in his life, someone who had known Amelia first hand and had loved her greatly. With Dean, Castiel could talk about Amelia for hours, knowing that Dean wouldn’t mind, that he enjoyed keeping her memory alive as well. It was another reason to love Dean.

Four and a half hours later, they were done with the closet, but that was only a small part of Amelia’s belongings. There was still so much more to go. They would tackle the rest during the week. With Anna around to watch Claire, it would be a lot easier to get it all done.

The next morning, Castiel woke up early to have breakfast with Dean before he went to work. Castiel had the worst sleeping schedule, so this was a rare occasion, but he wanted to thank Dean for everything he had done for him. 

Dean’s eyes went wide when he entered the kitchen and found Castiel making French toast and bacon. Dean’s smile brightened up the entire room as he leaned on the counter beside him. “What’s all this? You making me breakfast?”

Castiel hummed. “Yes. I thought we could have breakfast together this morning.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Is it my birthday?”

“Not for another month.”

“Right. So what did you do?”

Castiel laughed. “I didn’t do anything. I just wanted to make you breakfast. You _are_ my boyfriend after all. I get to spoil you, don’t I?”

“You spoil me,” Dean said slowly. “But never in the morning before work. Not unless it’s my birthday, which only comes once a year.”

“I just wanted to thank you,” Castiel said with a smile. “For helping me yesterday.”

Dean closed the distance between them to pull Castiel away from the stove and into his arms. “You don’t have to thank me for that.”

Castiel set his chin on Dean’s shoulder, wrapping both arms around Dean’s waist. “I did. Because you didn’t have to help me, or listen to my stories, or be the most wonderful person in the world. Let me thank you for that.”

Dean kissed Castiel’s temple. “Alright. I’ll let you thank me. But let me make you dinner tonight to thank you for thanking me.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “We’re never getting out of this vicious thanking cycle, are we?”

“No.” Dean smirked. “Never.”

When breakfast was ready, they sat down to eat. Dean looked so excited as he ate his French toast and bit onto the bacon. Castiel would remember to make him breakfast more often just to get to wake up to a happy Dean. 

Right as Castiel leaned in to brush back some of Dean’s hair and kiss him, Anna chose that moment to walk into the room. Castiel frowned, leaning back on his chair.

“Good morning, boys,” Anna said, standing between them. “It smells good in here. Ooh, French toast and bacon? Yes, please.”

“There’s more in the kitchen,” Castiel said, sipping his coffee.

“Perfect,” Anna said, walking away.

“Who pissed on your cereal?” Dean asked him.

“For a second, I forgot that Anna was staying with us,” Castiel said. “It was a good second.”

Dean gave him a stern look. “I thought you were gonna keep an open mind. You just told me yesterday you were gonna keep an open mind. You said—”

Castiel raised a hand to stop him. “I know what I said. But every day is a new day.”

“Promise me you’ll be nice while I’m at work. I don’t wanna come home to find the two of you at each other’s throats. Anna has been nothing but nice to me. Well, she did hammer me for all the details of my past while we were hanging out, but I expected that. She warned me about that before it happened. I just think it’d be nice for the two of you to spend time together, just like she and I’ve been doing.”

Castiel wrinkled his nose. “You really think I should spend time with Anna?”

“Yeah, Cas, you really should. She’s your sister and she flew all this way to see you.” 

Anna walked back into the dining room, holding a plate full of food in one hand, and a mug full of coffee on the other. She sat down at the table, smiling at the two of them. “What’s up? Did I interrupt your sickening love fest again?”

Castiel glared at her, but when Dean sent him a look, Castiel shaped his features into a tight smile. “No, Anna, you did not interrupt us. Dean had a good idea, actually. He thinks you and I should...spend some time together.” Castiel cleared his throat. “What do you say?”

Anna beamed at him as she swallowed down her food. “Yes! That’s a fantastic idea, Dean. Thank you for sticking up for me. I knew you were great.”

Dean laughed, wiping his face with a napkin before standing up. “Always glad to help out. I gotta go to work now, but I’ll see you both later.” 

Castiel stood, too. “I’ll walk you out.” 

At the door, Dean put his jacket on while Castiel stood with his arms crossed, dreading the day ahead of him.

“Hey, thanks for making the effort with your sister,” Dean said. “I think this’ll be good for the two of you.”

Castiel wasn’t too sure about that, but he didn’t want to argue with Dean this early in the day. “Have a good day at work.” He leaned in to give Dean’s lips a quick peck.

Dean smiled. “Give one of those to Claire for me, yeah?”

Castiel nodded, still frowning.

Dean pulled Castiel into his arms, squeezing him tight. “Always so grumpy. It’s my job to squeeze it out of you.”

Castiel laughed. “I’m too full for your squeezing, Dean.”

“But it worked! I got you laughing.” Dean let him go. “Be nice to Anna.”

“I’ll try.” Castiel stood on the doorway as Dean walked to the truck. He didn’t move until Dean had pulled out onto the street. Now he had to face his sister again.

Well, not before he checked on Claire first. When Castiel walked into the nursery, Dandy raised her head from her corner near Claire’s crib, wagging her tail.

“Hey, girl,” Castiel said. “Time for breakfast.” Dandy stood, moving excitedly around the room. Castiel chuckled, heading for the crib where Claire was already awake, but still lying down. “Good morning, honey.” He scooped her into his arms, kissing both of her cheeks. “One from me and one from your dad who just went to work.” Then, he changed her diaper.

Anna was still eating when Castiel entered the dining room again, sitting Claire down on her high chair. 

“Hello, Claire,” Anna said excitedly. “Are you hungry? Castiel, can I feed her breakfast?”

“You can feed her, but not what you’re eating. I’m going to make her a yogurt parfait today.”

Anna smiled. “Ohh, fancy girl.” 

Castiel fed Dandy and then prepared the parfait for Claire. He handed it to Anna and then sat down to watch her feed it to Claire. Anna was surprisingly good with Claire. Castiel had never thought of Anna as a nurturing person, but she had her moments. Anna even took the time to wipe Claire’s face every time she got food on it. It was pointless to do it after every bite because Claire was a messy eater. Castiel and Dean usually waited until she’d finished her entire meal to wipe her face and hands and often change her clothes. 

“She’s the most adorable baby I’ve ever seen,” Anna said. “Well, I haven’t really seen that many babies, but I just know she’s the best one.”

Castiel couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, I’ll have to agree with you on that.”

Anna gasped. “You’re agreeing with me on something? The world must be ending.”

Castiel looked at her, unamused. “I promised Dean I’d be nice to you, but don’t push it. What do you want to do today?”

“Well, after seeing the mall and the bowling alley slash arcade, I realized that there’s not really a lot to do around here. What do you suggest we do? You’re the one who chose to live in Oklahoma of all places.”

“I don’t think Seattle is that much better.”

“It’s a thousand times better,” Anna said. “But that’s not the point. What should we do?”

Castiel said the first thing that came to mind. “How about we go to the zoo?”

“You have one of those here?”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “Yes, Anna. Our mediocre city has a zoo. Are you in or not?”

Anna looked from Castiel to Claire. “Let’s go to the zoo!”

The downside of the zoo was the pungent smell, but the look of pure amazement in Claire’s face was worth it. She kept making her mouth into an O while reaching out a tiny fist, opening and closing it every time she spotted a brand new animal. Castiel and Anna took turns naming every animal so Claire would know what they were called and she almost recreated the sounds. Well, it was mostly babble, but Castiel was still really proud of her.

Anna pushed the stroller as they continued walking around. She turned to Castiel with a smile that reached her hazel eyes. “I’m glad I came to visit you, Castiel. I wasn’t sure if you’d even let me stay for an entire week, but I figured I’d try anyway.”

Castiel had a lot of mixed emotions when it came to Anna, but right now he could say with absolute certainty that the sentiment was mutual. “I’m really glad you’re here, too, Anna. I know we’ve drifted apart over the years, but it hasn’t been all that terrible having you around lately. You’re a great aunt to Claire.”

“I am?” Anna asked. “Thank you for saying that. I love this little munchkin so much.” She hesitated for a moment. “Sometimes, I wish we didn’t live so far away from each other.”

It took a lot of effort for Castiel to say the next words, but he got them out somehow. “Well, maybe you could visit more often. Or...I don’t know, we could visit you in Washington.”

Anna raised her eyebrows. “You’d come visit me in Seattle?”

Castiel nodded, looking away. “Sure, why not? Dean and I have talked about traveling more. We want to go on road trips. We could always make a long stop in Seattle. I’ve never seen your home.”

Anna sighed. “It’s not that great. I mean, it’s big and full of expensive stuff, but I live there alone. I don’t really like being there on my own. Fortunately, I spend most of my time on my shifts at the hospital.” She was quiet for a moment. “You have a family here, Castiel. You have a man that loves and takes care of you, a daughter who adores you, and even a dog who happily follows you around.” There was sadness in her eyes when she looked at him. “Maybe you were right to get away from our family. Maybe I should have done that, too.”

Castiel never thought he’d hear that from Anna. But now that he had, he didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t want Anna to be miserable and lonely. He’d never wanted that. Anna didn’t deserve that. All this time, Castiel had never spent a single second worrying about Anna because he’d always assumed she’d built the life she wanted to live, that she’d been happy with her choices. Castiel had never considered that she’d regretted them.

“I’m sorry, Anna,” Castiel said. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think you did. It’s not like we ever talk.” Anna shrugged. “I try to call Dad and Mom every week, but they never give me more than a few minutes of their time, if that. So it’s not like they’re invested in my life enough to know anything. And with my job, dating has become an impossibility. But flings never turn into anything serious for me. So, I don’t think I’ll ever get to have a family of my own.”

“Is that what you want? A family? Because you know I’m your family. Claire is your family.” Castiel sighed, hesitating. “And we...we love you. And we care about your life. You can talk to me anytime, Anna. I’ll never be too busy for you.”

Anna smiled, squinting her eyes from the sun. “You’re a good guy, Castiel. I shouldn’t have yelled at you on your birthday.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you either. Maybe we don’t have to fight over the past anymore. Maybe we can find a way to move forward and let that shit go. I think Claire would really like to have you around more. And so would I.”

“Are you saying we should be in each other’s lives again? Because, if I remember correctly, that’s what I proposed the first day I got here, and you weren’t into that idea.”

Castiel looked away. “Yeah, well, I changed my mind.”

“Are you saying I was right and you were wrong?”

“Don’t push your luck.”

Anna chuckled. 

They walked quietly a little more. It was too quiet. 

Castiel checked inside the stroller to find that Claire was asleep. She must have tired herself out with all the walking she’d done earlier. 

“She’s such a sweet kid,” Anna said.

“I know. She got all that from her mother.”

“Oh, I bet. You’re not sweet at all.”

Castiel elbowed her on the ribs. “Don’t be an ass.”

“I’m messing with you. Mostly. You know you can be a little harsh sometimes.”

Castiel let out a long breath. “I’m working on that. I’m in therapy. It’s been good for me.”

Anna grinned. “No wonder you look so happy. But I’m sure that has a lot to do with that gorgeous boyfriend of yours, too.”

There was no denying that. “Yes, Dean is a big source of my happiness. He’s incredible. To be honest, after Amelia I didn’t think I’d ever get to find love again. I wasn’t even looking. But then I realized that I had feelings for Dean. I was terrified at first, but then I just let those feelings grow. I’m so glad I did.” Castiel smiled. “Dean is more than I could have ever asked for. More than I deserve, really.”

“He said the same thing about you,” Anna said. “Well, less sappy, but pretty much the same. I think he’s good for you. He makes your face light up like nothing else does. I was worried at first, but after spending one day with him, I realized what a great guy he is. I mean, he answered all of my invasive questions about his past, bought me lunch, listened to me talk about my job for over an hour, and then took me for ice cream. If you weren’t in love with him, I would have snatched him up for myself.” She laughed.

Castiel gave her a look that made her stop laughing.

“I’m kidding, obviously,” Anna said. “I was never really interested in anything serious with him. I just thought he’d be a good time while I was in town.”

“Dean is a lot more than a good time. He’s a fantastic father and a thoughtful boyfriend. I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him if he allows it.”

Anna gaped at him. “Are you talking about marriage, Castiel? You want to marry Dean?”

“We haven’t discussed it yet, but I wouldn’t be against it. Either way, married or not, I still want to grow old with Dean. He’s my happy ending.”

“God, you are such a sap. Have you always been this way? Why am I just finding this out now? I always thought you were this unbreakable force who buried his feelings from the world. You never even cried in front of me.”

That much was true. Castiel was working on allowing himself to show those vulnerable emotions in front of people other than Dean. 

“You and I haven’t shared our lives with each other for seventeen years, Anna,” Castiel said. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

Frowning, Anna nodded. “Yeah, that’s true. But that’s going to change now, right? We’re going to stay in touch? And we’ll visit?”

Castiel wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Of course. We’ll do all those things.”

And Castiel knew that they would. He was determined to have his sister in his life from now on. He’d discovered that he wanted this change, too. There had always been a gap in his life that Anna had left behind. A longing for that big sister whom he’d loved growing up and had looked up to for years. Now that he’d gotten her back, he wasn’t going to let her go again.

**Dean**

Dean actually missed Anna after she left and he knew that Castiel did, too. They’d been in much better moods after their day together at the zoo. Dean for one was relieved that there wouldn’t be any more arguing between them. He didn’t want Claire to be in the middle of that drama. But Castiel and Anna had proven that they could be civilized people around each other and Dean was proud of both of them.

With Anna’s help, Dean and Castiel finished going through all of Amelia’s things. Well, only the things in the master bedroom. Amelia’s things were all around the house. Castiel had decided to keep all of the paintings that were already on the walls. Dean was glad. The house would lose its charm without them. But there were dozens more of Amelia’s paintings in the garage, collecting dust. Dean had suggested hanging them up on the garage walls, but Castiel had shut that idea down. Instead, Castiel had suggested selling most of them and donating half of the money to a good charity and putting the rest in Claire’s college fund. Since Castiel seemed so sure of that plan, Dean went along with it. Amelia’s art was too beautiful to sit under a tarp in a garage. Apparently after Amelia’s death the price of her paintings had skyrocketed.

When they were done with the paintings, Castiel brought up the Bel Air. Dean had to put his foot down before Castiel said another word. 

“We are _not_ selling Amelia’s Bel Air, Cas,” Dean snapped. “You’ll have to kill me before I let you touch it.”

“Okay, don’t be so dramatic,” Castiel said, rolling his eyes. “I wasn’t going to suggest selling it anyway. I was thinking that maybe we could save it. For Claire.”

Now that was a fantastic idea. “I could teach her how to drive in it.”

Castiel smiled. “There you go.” Then he hesitated for a few seconds. “ _We_ could also use it. You know, when the occasion calls for it. I don’t think Amelia would like it if her car was stuck in the garage for the next fifteen years.”

Dean wasn’t sure how he’d feel about driving Amelia’s car without her permission, but Castiel was right in saying that she wouldn’t like the Bel Air not being driven at all. Dean could maybe allow himself to take it for a spin every once in a while, but he’d protect it with his life. 

“Alright,” Dean said. “I could see that.”

And so, they had finally figured out a future for all of Amelia’s things. What Dean hadn’t been expecting was for Castiel to ask him to move into his bedroom from the guest room. Dean didn’t mind having all his stuff in the guest room. He got the entire closet to himself. If he moved into Castiel’s room, they’d have to share the closet space. But Castiel seemed adamant about this decision and Dean figured that it was bound to happen eventually with the way their relationship was going. They were going strong and steady, and Dean was really liking that. For once, Dean didn’t have second thoughts about the person he was with and he knew that the feeling was mutual. Dean was pretty fucking happy with Castiel. Not to say that it was all smooth sailing. They still argued all the time. But they’d learned to communicate openly to resolve every argument, and they never went to bed angry.

On Dean’s birthday, he finally finished fixing the Impala. It would have been done months ago if Dean had actually set time aside to work on it, but it had been low on his priority list. Except, now that they had planned to drive to a few cities during Castiel’s upcoming book tour, Dean figured that the long trip would be better done in his Impala. Dean had asked Castiel not to throw him another surprise party this year. Instead, they had a nice dinner at Bobby’s house with all of his family. Dean couldn’t have asked for a better birthday. 

Well, Dean would have loved to have Ben around. That was always the missing piece in all of Dean’s new favorite memories.

Dean didn’t think that would ever change.

Dean had taken two weeks off from work to accompany Castiel on his book tour. The tour itself was going to last a full month, but even Bobby wasn’t that cool of a boss to give Dean that much time off just so he could go support his boyfriend. Either way, two weeks was still enough time to go to a lot of Castiel’s appearances. Many of their stops were at big bookstore chains like Barnes & Nobles and Books-A-Million, but there were also a few smaller, independent bookstores that were hosting him. 

The first two weeks, the three of them would drive to their destinations, but after that Castiel would be flying on his own. The tour kicked off in Oklahoma City, which Castiel had insisted on. Castiel considered Oklahoma more of his hometown than his actual hometown in Alaska. After Oklahoma City, they went to Tucson, then Des Moines, and now they were in Nashville, which was Dean’s favorite by far.

They were at another Barnes & Noble. Those stores were gigantic. So far, their recurring joke was that Dean was Castiel’s personal bodyguard. While Claire was running in circles around them, playing with a chewable book that a nice manager had gifted her, Dean went into bodyguard mode.

“This is Bowie,” Dean spoke into his fake earpiece, index and middle finger against his ear. “I’m here with Springsteen. Yes, I repeat I have eyes on Springsteen. How does he look?” Dean lowered his sunglasses to run his eyes down Castiel. He was wearing a denim jacket, black jeans, and sunglasses, looking like a fucking dream. “Sexy as hell.”

Castiel laughed. “Hey, Bowie, you mind going after our daughter who just saw the toy aisle?”

Dean lifted his sunglasses to the top of his head, searching the room until she spotted the back of Claire, making her eager way to the toys. Why did this bookstore sell so many damned toys? “Oh, shit.” Dean ran after her, scooping her up before she reached a big, gray cat plushie with her grabby hands. Claire complained, blabbering nonsense and wiggling in his arms to be put down so she could get what she wanted, but Dean held her close. “No, Claire. Those aren’t for you. You already have enough toys at home.” Dean picked up the chewable book from where she’d dropped it on the carpet and tried to get her to calm down, but it wasn’t working. “Claire, we’re here to support Dad, not give him gray hairs.”

Castiel had been dragged away by one of the event coordinators, so Dean took the spot that had been reserved for him at the front row. All of the chairs were full, so there were a lot of people standing. Castiel always seemed to pull quite a crowd. He had so many fans, it was kind of surreal. Dean didn’t think he’d ever get used to it.

As a final attempt to get Claire to stay still, Dean played a _Thomas & Friends _ song on his phone because she seemed to really enjoy the music from that weird train show. That managed to do the trick and Claire finally relaxed on Dean’s lap.

The brunette woman beside Dean smiled at Claire, who was mouthing along to the words of the song. “She’s so cute. How old is she?”

“Thanks,” Dean said, kissing the top of Claire’s head. “She’s sixteen months old.”

“Are you a fan of Castiel Novak’s?” She was holding a stack of four books, which Dean recognized as Castiel’s books. “I’m so excited for this new angel book. Castiel Novak has never disappointed me before. I’m going to start reading this as soon as I get home.” She held up her copy of _Angel On the Run_ , which had the silhouette of an angel with his wings spread wide at sunset on the cover. 

Dean grinned. “Yeah, I’m a big fan of his.” That much wasn’t a lie. “I think you’ll really like the angel book.”

“Have you already read it?”

“Yeah, I got an early copy. It’s gonna blow your mind.”

The woman smiled. “Well, now I’m even more excited.” She offered Dean her hand. “I’m Hannah.”

“I’m Dean. And this is Claire.” Claire was still focused entirely on the clip on Dean’s phone.

“He’s pretty dreamy, isn’t he?” Hannah asked, opening up the book to the author picture. In it, Castiel was wearing a blue hand-knitted sweater in front of a white background. He looked slightly younger since the picture had been taken when his first book had been published around six years ago, but he was just as handsome.

“He’s a looker, that’s for sure.” Dean found it amusing how so many of Castiel’s readers found themselves not only drooling over his talent and skills as a writer, but also over his good looks. Not that Dean could blame any of them.

When Castiel reappeared from some hidden room, the crowd went wild. Everyone around Dean was losing their shit at seeing Castiel. Claire finally looked up from the phone and when she saw Castiel, she tried to climb off of Dean’s lap to go to him, but Dean held her back. Castiel, who was greeting the entire room, looked quickly at Dean and Claire and blew them both a kiss. 

Dean smiled. It didn’t help Claire’s sudden need to get to Castiel, though.

“Hello, everyone,” Castiel said into his microphone, keeping his eyes on Claire. “If you’ll excuse me, my daughter is here and I think she wants my attention.” He looked back at the coordinator and the panel moderator, and then he went around the table to Claire, picking her up and kissing her head. “Hi, honey.” Castiel took Claire back to his chair and she sat calmly there with a big smile on her face. “Do any of you guys mind if we do this with my daughter here?”

There was a big chorus of “No’s” and Castiel nodded, meeting Dean’s gaze. Dean thought it was a terrible idea because Claire was not going to stay still for long.

“My boyfriend doesn’t seem to think it’s a good idea,” Castiel said, as if reading Dean’s mind. “It’s alright. We’ll try this for now.”

Dean rolled his eyes. And then he felt Hannah’s eyes on him. He turned to look at her, smiling coyly. 

“Oh my God,” Hannah said. “You’re Castiel Novak’s boyfriend. You should have said so. You had me going on about his good looks like an idiot.”

Dean laughed quietly. “Don’t worry about it. I _get_ it.”

It only took a minute of Castiel’s panel for Claire to wiggle out of his lap, taking off running. Before Castiel said a word about it, Dean chased after her. 

“Damn it,” Castiel said into the microphone. “I hate it when he’s right.”

The audience laughed, obviously charmed by anything coming out of Castiel’s mouth. 

Claire always had too much energy during these events, but Dean had gotten used to entertaining her while Castiel did his panel. Despite never getting to sit on his chair, Dean still lingered nearby to listen to everything Castiel said. Like his audience, Dean never failed to be captivated by him. The way he talked about his craft, with so much passion and love, it was astounding. Dean also liked the Q&A part of the panel because Castiel’s answers tended to be eloquent and expressive. Castiel often talked with his hands. Those soft, strong hands that Dean knew so well. 

After giving Claire a stuffed egg—how was that a toy?—Claire relaxed enough for Dean to go back to his seat. Castiel turned to him immediately, smiling in the middle of answering a question. Then he cut himself off. 

“Everyone, I’d just like to publicly thank my incredible boyfriend for taking care of our daughter while I sit here and talk. Trust me, she’s not easy to care for. When I asked him to come with me on this tour, I never expected that he’d end up pulling most of the weight. I’m just always so grateful he’s around. Dean, thank you for being here. I love you.”

The audience “awww’d” while Dean blushed. By now, he was used to being put on the spot during Castiel’s book events. Castiel could never focus on a topic for too long when Dean was around. 

Dean blew him a kiss.

Hannah leaned in to whisper, “You guys are adorable.”

The panel ended soon after, but then the book signing followed. That was the part that took the longest, and since Dean didn’t need to stick around for that, he took Claire to the children area and read her a book. Claire loved bedtime stories and she must have thought it was time for bedtime, because she passed out in Dean’s arms before he finished reading to her. Dean kissed her sweaty forehead. She must have been exhausted from all that running around. To be honest, Dean was drained, too. 

When Dean closed his eyes, he hadn’t expected to go to sleep, but it felt like only a second had passed when he was lightly shaken awake. Dean blinked his eyes open to find Castiel kneeling in front of him. Dean was in a corner of the store, his sore back against a bookcase, with all the spines poking him. Claire was sound asleep with her mouth wide open, long lashes against her cheeks.

“What time is it?” Dean mumbled.

“It’s time to go,” Castiel said, bending down to kiss Dean’s forehead. “Claire wore you out, didn’t she?”

Dean nodded, rubbing a hand over his face. “Yeah, but we had fun. I think your fans all have a crush on you.”

Castiel chuckled. “I heard my favorite fan is in love with me, so I kind of have a big head because of that.”

“I like your big head.”

“You must be really tired.” Castiel took Claire in his arms and still offered Dean a hand to haul him up. Castiel kept an arm around Dean’s waist, guiding him safely to the Impala, where he dug inside Dean’s front pocket for the keys. 

As soon as they made it to their hotel room, Dean collapsed onto the bed. He could hear Castiel moving around the room, probably getting Claire in her bassinet. Seconds later, Dean felt Castiel taking Dean’s shoes and pants off and covering him up with the blanket before placing a kiss on his temple.

Dean wanted to thank him, but he was too sleepy to get the words out. 

The last stop they made together was in Louisville, Kentucky, which was far less exciting than Nashville. That didn’t stop the event from being as successful as the rest. There wasn’t a city that they’d been to that had disappointed them. 

Saying goodbye after that event, on the other hand, was terribly disappointing. 

Claire was asleep in her car seat, which was a good thing because if she’d been awake, she wouldn’t have been able to leave Castiel’s side. Castiel’s book tour would be over in two weeks, but Claire hadn’t been away from Castiel for that long before. Dean was worried about how she’d handle it. Dean was also worried about how _he_ would handle it. He didn’t want to have to miss Castiel, but he knew that was inevitable. 

_Just two weeks_ , he kept reminding himself.

Castiel clung to Dean outside of the Impala, hugging him like there was no tomorrow. Dean pulled back slightly, holding Castiel’s face in his hands and kissing him hard. Castiel laughed before the kiss was over.

Dean pulled away, staring at Castiel with furrowed eyebrows.

“We’re being dramatic, right?” Castiel asked. “It’s just two weeks. This shouldn’t be such a big deal.”

Dean smiled. “You’ll call me?”

“Every night,” Castiel promised.

“I love you.”

“I love you.” Castiel brushed his fingertips over Dean’s lips. “I’ll miss your lips the most.”

Dean kissed his fingers. “You’ll get them back when you come home.”

Castiel leaned his forehead against Dean’s. “Take care of Claire. Make sure she doesn’t miss me too much. Just two weeks.”

“Just two weeks.” Dean tried to pull away, but Castiel had a strong hold on his hips. “You gotta let me go, Cas. Your flight leaves soon.” Castiel was heading to Chicago in just a few hours. Then San Diego, Cincinnati, Orlando, and finally, New York. Castiel had said that this was his most ambitious book tour yet.

Castiel let him go, but not before sending Dean off with a soft, lingering kiss. “Call me when you get home.”

“I will,” Dean promised.

Driving home with Claire in the backseat was easier than Dean had expected. Claire slept a lot in the car and she seemed to not miss Castiel just yet. She was a good passenger. Well, for the first five hours. The drive was over eleven hours and the second half was a lot harder than the first. Dean still managed to make the trip in one day. 

As soon as they got home, Dean and Claire passed out on his bed.

When Dean woke up, it was due to his ringtone not shutting up. Dean scrambled for it, digging it out of his pocket, and answered it still half asleep.

“Dean! Dean, you didn’t call me last night.” Castiel sounded anxious. “I was worried about you. Did you and Claire make it home okay?”

Dean looked at Claire, who was now awake and sitting in bed with her pacifier in her mouth. “Yeah, we made it home okay. Sorry, I passed out as soon as I got home and forgot to call. How was your flight? How’s Chicago?”

Castiel let out a breath of relief. “Thank God. I kept thinking something terrible must have happened. I’ve been calling for an hour.”

“I think you must have woken up Claire before me.” Dean yawned. “You didn’t answer my questions, Novak. How are you?”

“I’m alright,” Castiel said. “I’m in Chicago. It’s lonely here without the two of you.”

“Yeah, it’s lonely here without you, too, baby.”

“I’m going to get some breakfast. You should do the same. I’ll call you tonight after the event, yeah?”

“I’ll be waiting for your call. Claire says hi.”

“Tell her hi from me.”

“I will. Go kick some ass, Novak.”

“I love you, Winchester.”

  
  
  


**Castiel**

Two weeks were eternal. Fourteen days felt like an entire lifetime. Castiel hadn’t considered how awful it would truly feel being away from his family. The rest of his tour went by dreadfully slow. He tried sightseeing a few times, but he’d always ended up calling Dean and talking to him from his hotel room for hours instead. 

When Castiel flew to Orlando, he felt a lot better. Castiel had specifically chosen that city so he could visit Robert and Esther. He was excited to see them again, but nervous to tell them about his new relationship. Either way, this was something Castiel would have to face head on. He owed them that much.

Esther answered the door when Castiel arrived. She pulled him into a warm hug and then led him to the living room, where Robert was sitting on the recliner watching a football game. Castiel didn’t know anything about sports, so he didn’t even know who was playing, but he’d missed Robert so much that he was willing to sit and watch an entire game with him. 

“Look who’s finally here,” Esther said. “Our Castiel came to visit. Can I offer you a beer, sweetheart?”

Castiel smiled. “Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you, Esther.” Esther walked away while Castiel sat on the couch. “Hello, Robert. It’s been a while.”

Robert grinned up at him, tearing his eyes away from the television. “It really has been, son. How you doing? You’re here on your tour, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but it’s almost over. After this, I’m flying to New York and then I go back home.”

“How’s my granddaughter?” Robert asked. “I’m surprised you didn’t bring her with you.”

“Originally, I did. During the first five cities I visited, I had Dean and Claire with me. Unfortunately, Dean had to go back to work, so I have to finish the tour on my own. I’m glad to be back with family, though.”

“Well, at least you’re here now, son.”

Esther returned with two beers and handed one of them to Castiel, sitting beside him on the couch. She covered his hand with hers. “Robert and I have really missed you, sweetheart. How have you been? We don’t talk nearly enough.”

“I’ve been doing well, Esther. Really well, actually.” Castiel ran a hand through his hair, wondering what the best way to phrase the truth was. But Castiel wasn’t writing a story right now. He was talking to his family. “I wanted to tell you that Dean and I are in a relationship...and we’re really happy together.”

Esther and Robert looked at him for what felt like the longest moment of Castiel’s life, and then they both smiled.

“Well, that is great news,” Esther said. “It’s good to know you’re happy again, sweetheart. Robert and I always worry about you.”

“I like that Dean,” Robert said, sipping his own beer. “He’s a good fellow. I could tell how much he cared about our little Claire.”

“Yes, Dean is a great parent,” Castiel said, picking at the label on his bottle. “I’m relieved to know both of you approve of the fact that I’m in a new relationship. The truth is, Dean came into my life at the perfect time and he stayed during the hardest parts. Loving him was easy. I just—I don’t want either of you to think that I’ve somehow forgotten Amelia. Because that isn’t the case at all. That’ll never happen.”

Esther shook her head. “Of course not, sweetheart. We know how much our Amelia meant to you. But Amelia is gone. We all have to move forward, no matter how hard it might be.” She cupped his cheek. “If you found a good person to share your life with, then I’m glad you followed your heart, Castiel. There’s no reason to succumb to a lonely existence just because you lost your wife unexpectedly. You’re still young. You deserve to be loved, son.”

“Esther’s right,” Robert said. “Amelia wouldn’t have wanted you to be alone. She loved you too much for that.”

Castiel wanted to cry right in front of his in-laws. Were they still his in-laws? Even if that wasn’t the case anymore, Castiel didn’t want to lose them. He’d always considered them family and he wasn’t willing to give them up. He was so touched that they loved him enough to consider his feelings. And although Castiel didn’t allow himself to cry, his eyes watered and he blinked his tears away.

“I’m so thankful for both of you,” Castiel said, swallowing the knot in his throat. “We...we’re still family, right?”

Esther pulled Castiel into her arms. “Yes, sweetheart. Yes, we’re family. Nothing’s gonna change that. Our door is always open for you. Bring Dean and Claire with you next time.”

Chuckling, Castiel pulled away. “You have no idea how much I wish Dean and Claire were with me right now. I don’t think I know how to be away from them. But it’s been a huge relief seeing both of you. This has been the highlight of my tour.”

“Do you have an event tonight?” Esther asked.

Castiel shook his head. “No, I get to rest for the rest of the day. My event is tomorrow evening, and then I leave first thing the day after tomorrow, so I won’t be in your way too long. Thank you for letting me stay here. I could have gotten a hotel room.

“No way, Jose,” Robert said. “You’re staying with us. We already got the guest room ready for you.”

“That’s right,” Esther said. “Go get settled in. I’m about to get dinner started.”

“Can I help?” Castiel asked. “I haven’t had a home-cooked meal in almost a month. I miss cooking.”

“Of course you can help, sweetheart.” Esther squeezed Castiel’s hand. “Come find me in the kitchen when you’re ready.”

Castiel rolled his suitcase to the guest room and then sat on the edge of the bed, running a hand through his hair. That had gone better than he’d expected. But Castiel should have known that Esther and Robert would be kind and understanding. They didn’t judge him for falling in love again after losing Amelia. On his nightstand was a framed picture of a young Amelia, holding up a large fish at a lake. Her blonde hair was flowing in the wind and her proud smile was bright. Castiel smiled back and brushed his fingers over her beautiful face. 

“I miss you, Ames,” he whispered.

After washing his hands, Castiel found Esther in the kitchen. Esther handed him a navy blue apron and asked him to peel some potatoes. Castiel got to work. A small boombox on the counter was playing 60s hits and Esther hummed along to every song as she chopped tomatoes.

Esther looked up at Castiel with a wide smile. “So, tell me more about Dean. I only know what Amelia told me since I didn’t get to spend much time with him last time I was in Oklahoma City, but I’d like to hear from you now. Who is this special man who captured your heart?”

Castiel felt himself blushing. He’d always considered Esther more of a mother than his own biological mother. Castiel realized that he wanted to share with her the details about everything that was important to him. “Dean is amazing, Esther. We were friends for a long time. As you know, he was with me during some of the worst moments of my life. I don’t think I ever imagined that he and I would end up falling this hard for each other, but now that we’re here, it feels inevitable.” Castiel smiled as he continued peeling a potato. “He just...he makes my heart race, and my hands sweat, and it’s so easy to forget all the issues in the world when I’m with him.” Castiel blushed again. “Sorry, I know you didn’t ask how he makes me feel. You wanted to know more about him.”

“No, no, I want to hear everything.”

“Well, Dean is an excellent mechanic. I haven’t had to worry about the maintenance in my truck ever since he came into my life. He’s an incredible father. Claire is crazy about him. He’s an excellent cook and he bakes the most delicious desserts—pies are his favorite. He’s selfless and thoughtful and funny and supportive of everything I do.” Castiel sighed, stopping what he was doing to glance at Esther. “Dean is magnificent and I don’t know what I did to deserve this much happiness for a second time. I thought this kind of joy only happened one time for people, that you only get to find love like this once. I thought the universe had given me more than enough with Amelia, but then Dean happened.” Castiel shook his head. “And I can’t imagine my life without him anymore.”

Esther had stopped her chopping, gazing at Castiel with tearful eyes. “Oh, sweetheart. Amelia always used to say you were a romantic and I finally understand what she was talking about. You know, I was married before Robert.”

“Really? I didn’t know that.”

Esther nodded. “His name was Steven. We got married young. I was only seventeen. We were so happy.” She hesitated. “I was distraught when he got sick. He had a rare heart condition, and his health deteriorated every day. I lost him five years into our marriage. I didn’t think I’d ever move on. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. But then I met Robert. He was a regular at the restaurant I worked at as a waitress. We went out a few times and before I knew it, I was in love with him. I didn’t think it would happen twice for me either. But you’d be surprised how many gifts life can give us sometimes.”

“Amelia never told me this story.”

“That’s because I never told her this story.” Esther continued chopping, her eyes far away. “She always thought her dad was the only man I ever loved and I let her believe that. But Robert knows all about Steven. Love can be messy, sweetheart, but it doesn’t have to be. If you love someone, love them. And let no one and nothing stand in the way.”

Castiel would probably never be able to express how much this conversation meant to him, but he felt lighter somehow. He’d never had a caring mom to give him any sort of advice. Castiel had needed to hear this from the woman he’d always consider a mother. Esther had always offered him acceptance and love and respect. Castiel was lucky to have her in his life.

Dinner was wonderful. Castiel had truly missed home-cooked meals, especially Esther’s. He ate seconds and then had two pieces of peach cobbler. Later, the three of them watched a documentary on bees, which was more interesting than it sounded. 

Now, Castiel was full and happy in bed, so he called Dean.

“Hey, handsome,” Dean answered.

Castiel grinned immediately. It was embarrassing how easily Dean could make Castiel grin like an idiot in love. Maybe because he _was_ an idiot in love. “Hello to you. I thought I’d check in.”

“I was just thinking about you.”

“Yeah? What were you doing that made you think of me?”

“Reading _Angel On the Run_.”

“You already read it.”

“Not the final version I didn’t. It’s an actual book now. I keep getting distracted because I can’t stop flipping back to the dedication page.”

Castiel had dedicated every book he’d ever written to Amelia and Amelia only. But his latest book had a slightly different dedication. _For Dean, Amelia, and Claire. The most important people in my life._

“I miss you,” Castiel whispered.

“I miss you, too. But you’ll be home soon. I’m counting down the days.”

“Me too. The beds I’ve been sleeping in have been too big and too cold for my liking. I don’t like sleeping without you.”

“Well, I don’t have that problem. I invited a cowboy into my bed, so I sleep warm and cozy every night.”

Castiel scoffed. “You little shit, that’s not funny.”

“I’m not kidding. I’m sending you a picture right now.”

Castiel’s phone dinged with a message and he opened it to find Dean clutching a body pillow of a cowboy in his full getup. Castiel burst into laughter. “Where the hell did you get that?”

“Charlie brought it over as a late birthday gift. It’s my new favorite thing. Sorry, Novak, but you just got replaced.”

“Yeah, right. That pillow doesn’t have a mouth.”

“Good point. I guess you’re back in.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “How’s Claire?”

“Sleeping like a little angel. Dandy’s right there with her.”

“I miss her so much.”

“She misses you, too. She keeps calling out for her dad when I’m right there with her. I started showing her pictures of you on my phone and she just sits and smiles at them for a long time.”

“Fuck, this is hard. I didn’t think it’d be this hard.”

“I know, Cas, but it’s not like you go on book tours all the time. You’re allowed to do things for yourself and your career. I’m really proud of you.”

“Thank you. I needed to hear that.” Castiel rolled over to his stomach, clutching a pillow to his chest. “I told Esther and Robert about you.”

“What about me?”

“That I love you.”

“Oh, wow. I didn’t think you were gonna tell them so soon.”

“I told you, Dean, I don’t hide my relationships. Of course I was going to tell them.”

“How’d they take it?”

“Very well, actually. They were kind and understanding, but I shouldn’t be surprised. They’ve always been lovely people.”

“I’m glad it went well. They don’t think I’m a terrible person for seducing you, do they?”

Castiel laughed. “Dean, you’re not a terrible person, much less for seducing me. Besides, you didn’t seduce me. _I_ seduced you.”

“I just don’t want them to think I had some mastermind plan to get you to fall in love with me from the start. I wish I had, but that’s not the point.”

“Maybe I was the one with the mastermind plan.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, I had it all planned out from the start. Claire was a big part of my plan. I had to get you to love my daughter so you could love me next.”

“Well, it worked. I was hooked from the start. Way to use your baby to trap me.”

“I trapped you so well. I’m never letting you go.” Castiel’s eyelids felt heavy and he was so comfortable that he knew it wouldn’t take long for him to fall asleep. Traveling always wore him out. 

“You better not.”

Castiel closed his eyes, smiling. “I won’t. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Dean said. “Now go to sleep.”

Castiel groaned. “No, I want to talk to you some more. I love your voice. It’s nice and soft and comforting like you.”

“I’ll talk to you until you fall asleep, yeah?”

“Yes. That’d be nice.”

“I learned a new song on my guitar today,” Dean said, his voice quiet. “I’m gonna play it for you when you get home. Charlie says I’m getting better at the chord transitions. At least my fingers don’t hurt as much anymore….”

Before Castiel knew it, he fell asleep with his phone against his ear.

Esther and Robert sat on the front row at Castiel’s event the following evening.

It was a little nerve-wracking at first to have his in-laws’s full attention as Castiel went on about his latest book, discussing not only how the story came to be, but how involved his boyfriend had been in the process. Castiel wanted his readers to know that Dean had been an integral part of writing _Angel On the Run_. But it was one thing to fawn over Dean in private with Esther and another to do it publicly in front of both Esther and Robert. Either way, they both looked at him with something like pride and Castiel was sincerely grateful for their presence. It had been strange not having Dean and Claire in the audience after they went home.

After the book signing, Castiel found Esther and Robert discussing the book with a couple of readers. They were a young man and woman, clutching a copy of _Angel On the Run_ , which Castiel had just signed. The two of them got red in the face when they noticed him approaching, smiling excitedly up at him. Castiel would never stop feeling strange every time people treated him like a celebrity. He was just an author. Then again, the one time Castiel had been fortunate enough to meet Stephen King, he’d been a flustered mess, so he could relate on some level.

“Hello, Mr. Novak,” the young man with squared frame glasses said. “Thank you again for signing my book. I loved your panel.”

“Me too,” the young woman said, flipping back her long, black hair. “It was amazing. We ran into your in-laws. I didn’t know you were married!”

Castiel smiled politely. Truthfully, he’d gotten this question a lot lately. Some of his older fans were aware that Castiel had been married due to all of his book dedications being _to_ _my beloved wife, Amelia._ And if they’d paid close attention to his social media whenever he’d felt brave enough to return to them, they would have also known that Castiel had lost Amelia. Lately, Castiel hadn’t shut up about Dean, both in his events and on social media, always labeling him as his boyfriend. These pieces of information were out in the open for his most dedicated and involved readers to find, but Castiel knew that not everyone was that dedicated or involved, especially his newer readers who’d just picked up his brand new release. All of this had led to a lot of confused questions about Castiel’s love life. 

“I was married years ago,” Castiel explained. “Unfortunately, I lost my wife during childbirth. These are my wonderful in-laws, who were kind enough to attend my event.”

This led to the pair feeling awful for bringing it up and then offering him their condolences for his loss. 

“Thank you,” Castiel said, suddenly distracted by the vibrating in his pocket. He usually turned off his phone during these events, but today he’d simply set it to vibrate. That had been a terrible mistake because it had vibrated the entire time he’d been answering questions and signing books. He’d originally thought it was Dean, but Dean wouldn’t have been so insistent. He would have just sent a few messages if Castiel hadn’t answered. “Would you please excuse me?”

“Is everything alright, sweetheart?” Esther asked.

“Yes,” Castiel said, pulling out his phone to see Anna’s name on the screen. “I just need to get this. I won’t be long, I promise. Then we can go home.”

“Take your time, son,” Robert said, nodding. “We’ll keep ourselves busy.”

Castiel walked a few feet away to an empty section between two long bookcases and answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Castiel!” Anna yelled, the desperation clear in her voice. “Oh my God, don’t you ever answer your fucking cell phone?”

“I was at an event. What’s so urgent?”

“It’s Mom,” Anna said, her breathing heavy. “She was in an accident.”

“What?” Castiel’s guts felt like they were made of stones all of a sudden. “What kind of accident? What happened?”

“She got hit while she was on the road. It was a really bad collision. She’s in the ICU right now. I’m about to get on a plane to Anchorage. Do you think you can do the same? I know you and her have your issues, but she needs us right now, Castiel. Please….I need you, too.”

Without even thinking about it, Castiel said, “Yes. Yes, of course. I’ll try to leave as soon as possible. Can you send me the hospital details?”

“I already did.” Anna’s voice broke. “Castiel, I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to lose Mom.”

“You won’t,” Castiel assured her, though his voice was full of uncertainty. “We won’t.” Castiel closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against a bookshelf. “Look, I’ll see you soon, alright?”

“Okay. Okay, please hurry. I need you here. I called Dad, but he’s not picking up the phone either.”

Castiel wanted to ask why on earth she ever thought he would pick up the phone to one of his children, but he kept that question to himself. “Everything will be alright, Anna.” Castiel said that more to himself than to his sister.

“I hope you’re right. I have to go.”

“Have a safe flight. Let me know when you get there.”

“You do the same.”

Castiel hung up, staring at his phone like it was the thing responsible for this tragedy. He was full of mixed feelings, but the most prominent one of them was fear. Fear of losing a parent who hadn’t been much of a parent to him. That didn’t make any of this easier, though. Was it supposed to? Why was Castiel so fucking worried about his mom when he couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever spoken to her? Why were his hands shaking and his eyes welling up with tears? Why was he about to lose it right now? Why, why, why.

There was no time for losing it. Castiel searched up flights to Anchorage, Alaska with trembling fingers and foggy vision. His stomach was cramping like the first day of classes back when he was ten. And he felt sick. He was worried he’d puke the nice dinner Esther and him had prepared earlier. _Fuck_. It was happening. He couldn’t stop this.

Castiel ran to the restroom, found an empty stall, and threw up everything in his stomach. It seemed as if the heaving would never stop. It didn’t help the cramping.

And then, Castiel lost it.

  
  


**Dean**

Dean was looking at his phone on the nightstand, waiting for Castiel’s call after his event. By his calculations, the event must have ended a good two hours ago, but still no call. Dean was trying his hardest not to be a clingy boyfriend who just needed to hear Castiel’s voice before going to bed, no sir. So instead, Dean was reading Castiel’s book in Castiel’s bed, wearing Castiel’s cotton white t-shirt and gray sweats, while not thinking about Castiel forgetting to call him after his event.

Finally, Dean’s phone dinged with a text.

“Thank God,” Dean whispered, picking it up, hoping that it was Castiel.

But it wasn’t Castiel.

It was Esther.

_Are you awake sweetheart? Something came up._

Dean dialed her number immediately, closing his book and pushing it aside. He climbed out of bed and started to pace the room, wondering what Esther could have meant in such a cryptic message. 

“Dean?” Esther asked.

“Esther!” Dean was so thankful that she’d answered on the second ring. “Esther, what’s the matter? Is everything okay? Is Cas okay?”

“Dean, it seems that Castiel received some bad news tonight,” Esther said. “He’s not doing too well. Robert found him on the restroom floor of the bookstore. He was a mess, sweetheart. We brought him home, but he’s insisting that we take him to the airport now. I told him he shouldn’t be traveling in his state, but he keeps saying that his mom is dying and he needs to see her.”

Dean was trying to put all of this information together. This wasn’t like Castiel. Dean hated so much that he was so far away from him at this moment. Castiel needed him, but Dean wasn’t there. Dean felt physically ill at the thought of Castiel alone on a restroom floor. “Can you please put him on, Esther?”

“I’ll try.” There were some muffled sounds and shuffling on the other end of the line, followed by Esther’s gentle voice. “Sweetheart, I have Dean on the phone. He wants to speak with you.”

“Dean,” Castiel said, but his voice was all wrong. “Dean, I need to go to Anchorage right now, but they’re not letting me leave and I can’t lose another person without saying goodbye. I can’t do that. I never thought she’d die, which is horribly stupid and naive of me. I’m such a fucking idiot. I should have called her years ago. I should have invited her to my fucking wedding. I thought I had too much dignity to fix our broken relationship and now it’s too late and nothing will matter anymore because she’s dying. And my sister is counting on me to be there, but I’m stuck here, and I can’t do this alone, but I know I shouldn’t depend on you the way I do. I need to learn to do things on my own, but the truth is I’m terrified and I don’t know how to deal with loss, Dean. You don’t get stronger from loss. People told me this before, but it’s not true. I’m not strong. I’m fucking weak, and I—I’m falling apart and I hate that this keeps happening to me. Why won’t it stop? Why do people keep dying, Dean? I’m losing my fucking mind here.”

Dean’s head was spinning and his heart was breaking and it was hard to come up with the right words to say, but he knew he had to say something. “Cas, you need to _breathe_. Take a deep breath. Come on. I’ll breathe with you.” Castiel made a noise that sounded like a groan but morphed into a whine. “Breathe with me. You can do this. In and out.” Dean could hear Castiel taking deep breaths, and Dean made sure to breathe with him. “That’s right. Inhale. Exhale. Let’s take this one breath at a time.” 

They continued breathing together, and Dean started counting their breaths. He was willing to do this all night if that was what it took for Castiel to calm down. After three minutes of nothing but deep breaths between them, Castiel spoke again, but this time much calmer than before.

“I’m okay,” Castiel said, though it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself. “I need to go to Anchorage.”

“Okay,” Dean said. “Can you explain to me what’s happening with your mom?”

“I don’t know,” Castiel’s voice broke at the end of the sentence and Dean felt more desperate to be near him. He knew his presence wouldn’t fix Castiel’s turmoil, but it would make Dean feel a lot better anyway. They’d always helped each other through whatever crisis life threw at them. Being away was from Castiel right now was making Dean feel impotent and he hated every second of it. “Anna called me and said our mom had been in a car accident. She’s in the ICU now. I don’t really know more details except which hospital she’s in. I need to be there with her, Dean. I’m just so terrified and full of guilt and anger and resentment and I hate all of these feelings.”

“Okay, you’re getting agitated again. Hear my voice. I’m right here with you. We’re gonna figure this out just like we always do.”

“Are you sure?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah, Cas, I’m sure. Be honest with me. Do you really think you can fly to Alaska right now on your own?”

“Of course I can,” Castiel snapped. “I’m not a child. I can take care of myself.”

Dean sat on the edge of the bed. “No, you’re not a child, but you have severe anxiety and you’re not handling it well. I just wanna make sure it’s under control.”

Castiel took a few more deep breaths. “I think I have it under control now. The breathing helped. I forgot to do that earlier.”

“Yeah, I figured. Look, you should go to Anchorage. I know you, and I know you won’t rest until you do what you feel you need to do. I’m going to get Claire ready and I’m gonna meet you there.”

“Dean, you shouldn’t have to do this. I shouldn’t have to depend on you like this.”

“Of course you should,” Dean said. “You know why? Because you should be able to rely on the people you love when you’re going through hard times, and because you and I work better together when it comes to dealing with these shitty things life throws at us. We’ve done this before. We’ll do it again. You said Anna needs you, so you get to need someone, too. And I’m not letting you deal with this alone. That’s what I’m here for. So, get on that flight. I’ll book mine right now. We’ll meet each other there. It’ll be alright, Cas. And if it’s not, we’ll deal with that, too.”

Castiel was quiet for a moment. “Thank you, Dean. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Castiel’s voice broke again, and he took another pause. “Aren’t you afraid of flying?”

“Don’t worry about me right now,” Dean said. He could endure a plane if it meant he got to be with Castiel when he needed him the most. “We have a plan now. Let’s stick to it.”

“Okay,” Castiel said. “Okay, let’s do this. I can do this.”

“Yes, you can. Hand the phone back to Esther. I’ll let her know you’re good to go.”

“I think I’ve been very rude to Esther and Robert. I’m ashamed of myself. I should know how to handle these types of things by now.”

“Just because you’ve experienced tragedy before doesn’t make you an expert, Cas. Besides, they’ll forgive you. They love you too much not to.”

“I love you, Winchester.”

“Love you, too, Novak.”

After Castiel handed the phone back to Esther, Dean explained that Castiel had just experienced an anxiety attack, but he’d managed to calm down, so Dean believed he was okay to get on his flight to Alaska. Esther was still worried, but he seemed to trust Dean’s judgement and agreed to drive Castiel to the airport. Dean promised he’d meet Castiel in Anchorage and that he’d take care of him, so they could rest easy.

Then Dean booked a flight to Anchorage with two seats and packed only the necessary things for him and Claire before he woke her from her sleep and got her dressed. Claire fell asleep in the Impala as Dean drove them to the airport and he hoped she stayed asleep for the entire flight because he’d probably be too much of a nervous wreck to keep her entertained.

This would be a feat, but Dean was willing to live through it and more for Castiel.

The last time Dean had been on a plane—coincidentally, the time Dean had learned of his fear of flying—he’d been six. He’d been traveling with his family to Disney World. Because back then, when his mom was still alive, they were a pretty normal American family. The kind that took a trip to Disney World in the summer. But Dean had absolutely hated that flight, despite it only being a few hours long. Now that Dean was thirty-three, traveling with his one year old daughter, it felt as though no time had passed. Except, this was a ten hour flight and Dean didn’t have his mom to cradle him against her chest as he worried about the plane crashing and them dying from the impact. Worst of all, Dean had the window seat. He’d thought about sitting Claire there, but he couldn’t do that to his baby girl. What if the window opened somehow and Claire was sucked out of it? Dean would rather face that fate himself.

The ten hours went by in a blur of agonizing fear, being crammed in the tiny restroom to change Claire’s diaper four times, uncomfortable sleep, fear again, hunger but also nausea, which made it impossible to eat anything more than a bag of peanuts, thirst because if he drank too many liquids, he’d have to use the restroom and bring Claire in with him, which would probably traumatize her. The one time he did give in to use the restroom, he’d turned Claire around, handed her his phone, and had her watch the _Thomas & Friends _ song she loved so much. He’d never pissed so quickly. To say the least, the flight was probably one of the worst experiences he’d ever lived through, right up there with losing his mom and Ben. But unlike those experiences, the flight eventually did end, and so did Dean’s misery.

From the airport, Dean went straight to the hospital. Castiel had texted him fifteen minutes ago that he’d just arrived. Dean couldn’t believe that they’d made it there around the same time, but he was glad that they had. They had agreed to meet at the hospital. 

Claire was wide awake after sleeping for most of the flight. And she was not a very happy camper at the moment. She was crying because Dean hadn’t given her breakfast yet and she wouldn’t listen as Dean repeated that he would do so as soon as they arrived at the hospital. The cab ride was terrible and Dean apologized profusely to the driver for Claire’s crying, but at least the guy was nice enough about it. As soon as they made it to the hospital, Dean took Claire straight to the McDonalds that was conveniently located inside. Because America. And Claire was finally happy with her Gogurt, apple slices, and orange juice. Dean was so relieved, he slumped back on his chair, not caring about his own food, which he hadn’t touched yet. 

“Dean?”

Dean jumped, sitting up straight, but he relaxed his shoulders again when he saw that it was just Anna. “Hey, I’m glad to see you. Sit down.”

“Thanks,” Anna said, taking an empty seat. She leaned forward to kiss Claire’s forehead. “Hi, sweetie. You look hungry.” Claire was too busy eating to answer.

“She was,” Dean said. “We just got here from the airport. I’m beat.”

“I’m hungry,” Anna said, reaching for Dean’s hash brown and taking a big bite.

“I’ll go get you some food.”

Anna smiled. “Thank you, Dean. I’ll stay here with Claire.”

“Did you see Cas yet?” 

“Yeah, I tried to get him to come eat with me, but he’s very stubborn.”

Dean nodded, standing up. “You want coffee, too?”

“Please.”

After getting Anna’s food, Dean brought it back to her and ate his own food, which had already gotten cold. Dean was too preoccupied with everything going on that he barely noticed. He was so tired from the longest flight he’d ever been on, and he desperately needed a shower followed by a nap. But he was here as Castiel’s moral support, so he downed two cups of coffee and then followed Anna to the ICU family waiting room.

They found Castiel on a chair, elbows on his knees and head buried in his hands. Dean sat down beside him with Claire on his lap, and he touched a hand to the back of Castiel’s neck.

“Dean,” Castiel said, lifting his head. His eyes were red-rimmed, and the bags underneath them were concerning, but boy was he beautiful. “You’re here.”

“Dad,” Claire said.

Castiel flicked his gaze to Claire, and his eyes filled with tears. He pulled them both to his arms, kissing both of their faces over and over. “Thank you for being here. I’ve missed you both so much.”

“We missed you, too, Cas.” 

Castiel scooped Claire into his arms and she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck like she was never going to let go. Castiel held her back the same way, eyes closed, lashes wet.

“Any news?” Dean asked after a long moment.

“She just got out of surgery,” Castiel said with a deep frown. “We’re not able to see her yet, though.”

Anna sat down on Castiel’s other side. “You should really eat something, Castiel.”

“I’m not hungry,” Castiel said.

“Do it for me,” Dean insisted. “Take Claire with you. If we hear any news, we’ll call you right away. Right, Anna?”

“Yes, we will,” Anna said. “Come on, Castiel. We don’t want you getting sick right now.”

Castiel let out a long sigh, looking at Claire. “Are you hungry, honey?”

“Yeah,” Claire said.

“She just ate,” Dean said. “We had to stop to eat first because she wouldn’t stop crying, but I’m sure she’d love to eat again.”

Claire looked so happy to be with Castiel again that all she could do was lean into him, her head firmly against his chest and her hand holding his. It was kind of magnificent how much they loved each other. How much all three of them loved each other. 

“Alright,” Castiel said. “But please don’t hesitate to call me as soon as you get some news about my mother.”

“I won’t,” Anna promised.

With one last worried look, Castiel left with Claire in his arms, and Dean immediately turned to Anna.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, but what are the chances your dad will show up here?” Dean asked. “Because I don’t know how much that will worsen the situation for Cas. From what he’s told me, he can’t even stand being near him.”

Anna frowned. “I don’t get why, after all these years, Castiel won’t just forgive him already. I’m sure he’s painted this dark picture of our dad, but he isn’t a monster. Parents get divorced all the time. That doesn’t mean we should resent them for it.”

“I think the part that upset Cas was him being an absent dad, not divorcing your mom.”

“So he was busy,” Anna said, scoffing. “He’s a business owner. He works a lot. It was hard for him to make time for us. Castiel makes a bigger deal out of things, Dean. And I really hope he can make it today. I’ve left him a lot of voicemails. I’m sure he’ll come as soon as he’s free.”

“What kind of business does he own anyway?”

“Some kind of metadata company that provides TV listings for important clients. I don’t know. It’s his pride and joy. He built it from the ground and now it’s making him richer by the minute. You’d think something like that would have gone out of business by now with all these streaming services, but apparently people still have cable.”

“So...your family has money.” Back when Castiel had told Dean, it had sounded more like a fairytale. Dean didn’t think he’d ever met rich people before.

Anna smiled. “Yes, Dean. We have money. Not that Castiel ever wanted any of it. When he left at eighteen, he was cut off by our mom. I don’t know how he did it, but he worked his ass off to support himself, go to college, and eventually achieve his dream of becoming an author. That’s some type of inspirational shit if you ask me.”

“Yeah, he told me that part.” Dean rubbed his face, trying to keep himself awake. “Cas told me he was feeling guilty because of all the years he hasn’t spoken to his mom. I wish there was something I could do to help him.”

“Mom is just as stubborn as Castiel,” Anna said with a sigh. “All these years, she’s pretended it didn’t matter to her that her only son had cut her off his life, but I know it’s been her biggest source of pain. She hides it well, but I can see it. Every time I bring him up, she gets this sad look in her eyes, and then she changes the conversation to something easier to swallow. I know Castiel loves her, but he needs to learn to let go of the past. Both of them do. We’re family. We need to start acting like it.”

“Family isn’t always that great.” Dean shrugged. “I could have done without my own dad. But I can see how much Cas cares about his mom. I don’t think it’s good for him to resent her.”

“Let’s hope she makes it through this.”

Dean glanced at her. “Do you really think she won’t?”

Anna met Dean’s gaze. “I asked to read her chart earlier. She has four broken ribs, a broken arm, her leg was pretty much pulverized, which is why her surgery took so long. But none of that is as bad as her head injury. They said they were running a CAT scan to see all the damage, but I was able to catch a glimpse as she was wheeled to the OR.” Anna chewed on the inside of her cheeks to keep herself from crying. “Her head was bashed in. God, she looked awful.”

Dean covered his mouth. “Holy shit.”

“Miracles can happen sometimes. Let’s just hope this is one of those times.”

“Yeah,” Dean said, faintly. He’d never been a man of faith, but he was hoping for a miracle, too.

“I didn’t tell Castiel about the last part,” Anna said. “I don’t want to worry him more than he already is.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, no, I get it.”

Anna sighed. “I’m just glad I’m not alone to deal with this. I thought I would be. I wasn’t sure if Castiel would come. But he did, and so did you. This means a lot to me, Dean. Really. I know you told me before you hate flying.” She smiled. “You must really love my brother.”

The memory of that flight was still too present for Dean to crack any jokes about it, so he just nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

Silence fell between them. Dean was trying his hardest not to doze off on his seat, but his eyelids weighed a thousand pounds, and he had a comfortable pillow in the shape of Anna’s shoulder as Anna typed away on her phone.

But then Anna broke the silence.

“Dad,” she said. “You made it.”

That got Dean to wake up. He looked up to find a lightly bearded man in a navy suit, looking much too young to be Castiel’s dad, although his age was present in the silver in his dark brown hair. With eyes too blue to be real, the man’s gaze flicked from Anna to Dean.

“Who are you?” The man asked with a tilt of his head.

Dean cleared his throat, sitting up. “I’m Dean.”

Anna was on her feet now, pulling her dad into a hug. He gave her back one pat, and that seemed to be enough for him. He unbuttoned his jacket before taking what had been Castiel’s seat, checking the time on his watch. 

“I’m glad you’re here, Dad,” Anna said. “Castiel went to get something to eat, but he should be here any minute.”

The man arched an eyebrow, seemingly unfazed by this information. Then he spared Dean another glance. “Are you with Anna?”

“No, Dad, this is Castiel’s boyfriend.” Anna gave Dean a look that said _be nice_. “Dean, this is my father, Charles.”

Dean put on his best fake smile, offering the man his hand. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Novak.”

Surprisingly, Charles shook Dean’s hand, but not before scrutinizing it like he wished he could disinfect it before touching it. “I wasn’t aware that Castiel was gay. Last I heard he was married. To a woman, I thought.”

“Dad, I told you Amelia passed away over a year ago,” Anna said, annoyed. “I flew to Oklahoma for her funeral. Remember?”

“Hmm. No, I seemed to have forgotten that detail. Well, I guess he wasn’t too bothered by the loss of his wife if he already found a new boy toy to keep him company.”

Dean was too tired to take the bait, so he kept his mouth shut and leaned back in his chair.

“Anna, do you know how long this will take?” Charles asked, checking his watch again. “I have a meeting with a new client in about an hour. I can’t be here all day.”

“No, Dad, I don’t know how long these doctors will take to save Mom’s life. My years of practice haven’t really granted me with the ability to see into the future.”

Charles let out a breath, his right leg bouncing. “Your brother is here, you say? I’m quite shocked that he decided to show his face here after all these years.”

Dean was dreading Castiel’s return because he had no idea how seeing his father after all these years would affect him. But Dean didn’t have to wonder too long because Castiel walked back into the waiting room, chasing after a running Claire. The moment Castiel set eyes on his dad, his face turned hard and cold like Dean had never seen it before. Not even during all those times he’d made Castiel angry in the past. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Castiel asked through gritted teeth.

Dean scooped Claire into his arms, sitting her on his lap. Castiel hadn’t taken a seat. He went to stand in front of his dad, hands fisted at his sides. 

“Cas, I don’t think now’s the time,” Dean said.

But Castiel didn’t seem to be listening to Dean. His eyes were glued on Charles. “I don’t want you near me, my daughter, my boyfriend, or my mother. You need to leave. This doesn’t concern you. Don’t sit here pretending you care whether my mother lives or dies because you didn’t care about her when you left her for another woman, and you don’t care about her now. Leave.”

Charles smiled and it was fucking irritating. “Why should I do anything you say, Castiel? If my presence makes you so unhappy, then you’re free to go. I’m here to support my daughter. I don’t quite care if you like it or not.”

Castiel stepped closer and, for a second, Dean wondered if Castiel was getting ready to take a punch, but at the last second, Castiel huffed out a breath and went to sit beside Dean. Castiel buried his face in his hands, looking like the entire world had disappointed him and he had no energy to care.

“Can you please be less of a dick?” Anna asked.

Dean looked up to see that she was talking to Charles. 

“That is no way to speak to your father, Anna,” Charles said, lifting his chin.

“Oh, shut up,” Anna said. “My mom might die any moment. The last thing Castiel and I need is any of your bullshit. If you’re really here to support me, then you need to behave like less of an asshole. I don’t need this crap right now.”

Charles looked more interested in the time on his watch than what his daughter had just said to him. When his eyes set on Claire, who was poking at Dean’s phone, he narrowed his eyes, giving her a curious once over. “Is this my granddaughter?”

Castiel clenched his jaw. “She’s nothing of yours.”

Charles sighed. “Will you have some level of maturity, Castiel?”

“I don’t owe you anything, Charles,” Castiel spat out. “If you’re going to be here, fine. But you don’t need to speak to me, and I don’t need to speak to you.”

Charles then turned to Dean. “What’s her name again?”

Dean really wished Castiel had punched him earlier. “Claire.”

“Hmm. Claire. She’s a bit small, isn’t she?”

“Well, she’s only one,” Anna said.

Charles raised an eyebrow. “I’m assuming her mother is the wife who apparently has passed on. Unless there was another woman.”

Dean couldn’t keep his mouth shut any longer. “Look, Charles, I don’t know you, but you’re really pissing me off. If you have such an important meeting to go to, maybe you should go. I’m sure Anna won’t mind updating you on your ex-wife’s health if you’re really interested.”

Charles laughed. “This is coming from my son’s homosexual companion? You’re not a part of this family.”

Castiel bristled, pursing his lips and clenching his fists.

“Dean is a part of _my_ family,” Anna said. “I don’t care if you don’t like it. I already told you to stop acting like an asshole, but I can see that you won’t. So please, Dad, just go.”

With a final glance at his watch, Charles got back on his feet. “Very well. I will go. Next time you leave me a hundred voicemails asking for my presence, don’t be disappointed when I don’t show up.”

With that, Charles strode out of the waiting room, taking with him the thick, uncomfortable tension that had formed in the room.

“You okay?” Dean asked Castiel, who had thrown his head back on his chair and closed his eyes, massaging his temples like he had a headache.

“I’ll live,” Castiel mumbled.

Then Dean asked Anna the same question.

Anna shrugged. “I’m used to it. Nothing new.”

Dean shook his head. “Fucking dads, huh?” Claire looked up at him and Dean winced. “Sorry, baby girl. Don’t say that word. Well, not for a few years anyway. But definitely don’t say it about your two dads.”

That got a small chuckle from Castiel.

  
  


**Castiel**

Castiel hated that it had taken his mother nearly dying for him to give a damn about her again. But there had always been a lot of fucked up aspects about Castiel’s life. Or maybe it was just Castiel who was fucked up. Jody always shut that down every time Castiel brought it up, but she was his therapist so she was getting paid to be nice to him. Speaking of therapy, Castiel had missed his last five appointments. Maybe that was what was making him feel so shitty lately. Well, _that_ and the fact that his mother was currently fighting for her life.

At least Dean and Claire were with him again. Castiel was clinging to both of them like his life depended on it because that was exactly what it felt like. Castiel depended so completely on these two people. If anything were to ever happen to either of them…

Castiel couldn’t even allow himself to think of that scenario. He’d already lost Amelia. Now he could possibly lose his mom. He couldn’t lose more people. 

After a few hours of waiting, they got news that Naomi was in a more stable condition. Her CAT scans came back showing a cracked skull, but they believed there was no brain damage. She had to remain under observation and under a medically induced coma for a while, but then they might be able to see her.

Anna suggested that they all go back to their childhood home to shower and change, and then return with a clearer mind the following day. They weren’t expecting anything to change in the meantime. Still, Castiel didn’t feel too good about that option. He felt that it was his duty to stay here, guarding his mother’s sleep, hoping that would help her somehow. In the end, Dean convinced him to go, pointing out how exhausted Castiel looked and how it would only worsen his already heightened anxiety levels.

Castiel couldn’t really argue with that, so they set out for home. Not home. That house had stopped being a home for Castiel many, many years ago. But since they hadn’t booked a hotel room, they didn’t really have a choice.

“Your room is still the same, you know,” Anna said as soon as they stepped through the front door. 

“Holy shit,” Dean said, looking around the den like he’d just walked into another Western-themed museum.

The brick house was three stories high. It was long and spacious with seven bedrooms and five bathrooms. Castiel had never understood the need for such an enormous house when there had only been four of them, and then three, and then two, and then his mother had lived alone in the house that was too big for most families. The flashy chandelier greeted Castiel like a neon reminder that he’d grown up extremely privileged. Castiel would have traded all of that for his parents’ attention and affection.

Dean set Claire down and she started running around in circles around them like she tended to do. “Dude, this place is awesome. You grew up here?”

Castiel blinked. “Yes.”

“I bet you had friends over all the time.”

“Castiel didn’t have any friends,” Anna said, smirking. “He was always moody and kept to himself. I was his best friend growing up.”

“She’s not wrong,” Castiel said.

Dean looked from Castiel to Anna. “Am I gonna find hard metal band posters in his bedroom? Pagan worshipping symbols? Ohhh, or is it gonna be all white and culty?”

Anna laughed. “You’re really overestimating him now. I’m not going to spoil the surprise. You’ll have to wait and see for yourself.”

Dean turned to Castiel, raising his eyebrows. “Can I see it?”

Castiel nodded, extending his hand, and Dean took it. “Claire, honey, come with us.”

“No!” Claire yelled. Sometimes, Claire liked to get into a “No” mantra, which basically meant she said “No” to absolutely everything. Even if she didn’t understand what was being said. 

“Come on, baby girl,” Dean said.

“No,” Claire spat out, running from them to Anna. “No.”

Anna waved them away. “I’ll watch her. You guys go ahead.”

Castiel pulled Dean up to the second floor and the first door on the right hallway, opening it up to reveal that Anna had been right when she’d said his room hadn’t been touched. It was just how Castiel had left it. The walls were painted a light tan color and they were full of classic horror movie posters such as _Psycho, The Exorcist, Rosemary’s Baby, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,_ and of course, _Halloween_. The tall bookcase was crammed with books stored like Tetris pieces, in a chaotic way that had made sense at the time. His queen size bed was covered in a simple black comforter and two white pillows. His dresser had one framed photograph of him and Anna when they were both teenagers, standing side by side outside of a movie theater. 

Dean sat on the edge of the bed like he was afraid he’d get trapped in it, taking in the room. “This feels so like you.”

“You think?” Castiel stepped out of his shoes and then he climbed on the bed, feeling the weariness of the past couple of days sink in as he curled up on his side. 

Dean shifted closer to him, fingers threading through his hair. “You should sleep, Cas. You need to rest more than anyone.”

Castiel grabbed Dean’s wrist and kissed his knuckles. “Lay down with me. I’ve had to sleep alone for so many days.”

Dean smiled, hesitating. Castiel knew that it was because he felt he should be looking after Claire right now. But something must have made him change his mind because, without saying a word, he took off his shoes and lied down close beside Castiel. Dean pressed a soft kiss to Castiel’s forehead, wrapping an arm firmly around Castiel’s waist and pulling him against Dean’s chest. “Sleep. I’ll watch over you.”

Castiel let himself be held instead of being the one doing the holding, curling up as close as he could get to Dean, letting his warmth soothe him. He closed his eyes, reveling in the sensation of Dean’s lips against his head and the familiar Dean scent filling his nostrils. He always smelled like his body wash, some generic brand for men, but the only way Castiel could describe it was: Dean. Castiel could recognize that smell anywhere. Maybe that didn’t make much sense, but Castiel was half asleep by now. His mind was cleared from everything that was wrong and filled with everything that wasn’t. 

Dean was right.

The following morning, having slightly recovered from lack of sleep, jetlag, and being on the road for the past month, Castiel went back to the hospital with Anna. He’d asked Dean to stay at the house with Claire because she was a handful, and Dean had already gone above and beyond by traveling in a ten-hour flight with her just so Castiel wouldn’t be alone. Castiel had one goal for the day and that was to speak to his mother. Castiel had so many things to say to her, but he still hadn’t figured out what they were. He just needed to talk to her. It had been years since they last spoke. A long talk between them was long overdue.

They were forced to wait another couple of hours before one of them was allowed to go into her room. Castiel asked to go first, and Anna didn’t protest. 

Naomi was still unconscious. She would be for a while. But that didn’t matter. She was still here, in her body, with a heartbeat. That was more than what Castiel had had when he’d had to say goodbye to Amelia. So he counted his blessings.

Castiel grabbed a chair and sat down, wanting to reach for Naomi’s hand, but stopping himself before doing so. Castiel didn’t know how to be affectionate with his mom. He’d never had. Castiel had never had this issue with any of his romantic partners, but he’d had it with family. They hadn’t set the example. Both of his parents had always been cold. Anna had been the most caring between them. 

Naomi had long brown hair, graying at the hairline, which he was a little surprised to see considering she was always very much against aging. She’d always spent thousands on anti-aging creams. When had she started letting her gray hairs show? Asleep, her frown lines were gone, and so were most of her other wrinkles aside from her crow’s feet. She looked young for her age. Those creams must have been useful, after all.

“Hi, Mom,” Castiel said, leaning forward on his seat. “I never thought I’d be back home, and I don’t think you did either. Or Dad, for that matter. He was here yesterday.” Castiel shook his head. “Hasn’t changed a bit. Still as much of a worthless son of a bitch as he’s always been. But I didn’t come here to complain about Dad. I came here because...because when I heard about your accident, I was afraid I wouldn’t get to say goodbye to you.”

Castiel groaned, burying his face in his hands. “I sound so fucking selfish right now. Listen to me. I was worried I wouldn’t get to say goodbye. Not about your health or anything like that. No, I was worried that I wouldn’t get my proper goodbye with my distant mother whom I completely cut out of my life. I was looking for my own peace instead of yours.” He sighed. “The truth is, Mom, I’ve been holding onto this heavy resentment for too many years. It’s been weighing me down. I...I don’t want to keep this inside me anymore. I don’t want to treat you like a stranger anymore. You weren’t a perfect mom. You must know that. But you were there when Dad wasn’t. You were strict and harsh and cruel, even, but you were still present. I’m the one who decided to leave. I abandoned you the same way Dad abandoned all of us. And for that, I’m truly sorry.

“I’m sure Anna already told you that I have a daughter,” Castiel continued, already feeling lighter by getting all of this off his chest. “Her name is Claire Amelia Novak. She’s my world. My wonderful boyfriend brought her all the way here. I want you to wake up so you can meet her. Well, both of them. I think you’d like Dean. I’ll have to warn you, though, if you make some sort of homophobic remark towards him, I’ll be very upset. I’d like to think that you’ll wake up a new person, with a brand new perspective in life. But I know these things don’t really happen in real life. So, I’d just like to ask you to wake up. I’ll talk to you again. I’ll...keep you informed of the important things in my life, if that’s something that you’ll like. I like to think that, somewhere deep down, you do really care about me. In your own way, of course. But you do. Right, Mom? You _do_ love me...don’t you?”

God, Castiel was pathetic. This was humiliating, asking his comatose mother if she loved him. Castiel was still that sad little boy he’d been growing up in that house big enough to get lost in. All of a sudden, it was as though no time had passed. Nothing had changed. And Castiel hated that. Because he thought that he’d grown out of those vulnerable feelings in regards to his mother, but he hadn’t. She still made him feel insecure right down to his bones.

“Wake up, Mom,” Castiel whispered. “I’ve never been a fan of one-sided conversations.”

Three days later, Naomi woke up.

Castiel got the call while he was still in bed. Anna had stayed at the hospital that night—they’d been taking turns, waiting for Naomi to wake up. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the news, but he promised Anna he’d be there soon. 

“Dean?” Castiel whispered, shaking Dean gently beside him. Claire was asleep between them, all limbs spread everywhere. 

Dean hummed, shutting his eyes tighter. “What? I’m up, I’m up.”

“My mom’s awake.”

That managed to wake Dean up completely. He opened his eyes, staring at Castiel. “She is? Can we go see her?”

Castiel nodded. “Yes. We should all go together. I want her to meet both of you.”

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Why wouldn’t I be sure?”

Dean hesitated. “Cas, am I the first person you’ve been with that you’ve introduced to your parents?”

Castiel hadn’t realized that Dean was right in that statement until he’d said it. “Yes. I guess you are. Although I didn’t introduce you to Charles.”

“No, I know. Anna did.”

Castiel glanced at Dean for a moment. “Is this too much pressure for you? After all we’ve been through, it scares you to meet my mom?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “No, Cas, it doesn’t scare me to meet your parents. You’ve already met all my family. I just don’t know if I’m what your mom would have wanted for you. First of all, I’m a man. Second, I’m a mechanic with hardly any savings in the bank. Third, I have all these problems in the head that I’m still working on.”

Castiel reached for Dean’s hand, lacing their fingers. “Dean, I don’t give a fuck about your gender, your job, or your mental illness. I fell in love with you. All of you. I don’t need anyone’s approval to have you in my life.”

“Okay.” Dean nodded. “Then let’s do this.”

They made it to the hospital within thirty minutes, which was kind of amazing considering they’d had to feed and dress Claire on top of both of them getting ready as well. Then again, Castiel and Dean made a fantastic parenting team, so Castiel shouldn’t be surprised anymore.

Anna was already in Naomi’s new room. It seemed as though she kept being put into a new room every day. At least this room was a lot less gloomy than the rest with the big, open window.

“Castiel,” Naomi said, her voice rough and scratchy, just like always. Her arm and leg cast were bulky, but it was only on her left side. Her right side had been saved from the impact. 

“Hello,” Castiel said, wondering if he could call her Mom to her conscious face. And then, he pushed the word out. “Mom.”

Naomi smiled a tiny smile, but it looked genuine. “I didn’t believe Anna when she said you were here.”

“I’ve been here for days,” Castiel said, taking a few steps closer until he stood at the edge of her bed. But he didn’t reach for her hand today either. “I wanted you to meet some people.” He waved Dean forward, and Dean went, with Claire in his arms. “Mom, this is my boyfriend Dean, and this is Claire Amelia. My daughter.”

Naomi’s face lit up and she choked up for a second, covering her mouth with her right hand. “This is my granddaughter? Oh, she’s beautiful. I can see the resemblance. She has your eyes, Castiel.”

Castiel smiled. “Yes, I keep hearing that.”

Claire was still sleepy, clinging to Dean’s neck even when he tried to get her to pay some attention to Naomi. 

“She woke up about half an hour ago,” Castiel said. “She’s still tired.”

“Baby girl,” Dean said, “this is your grandma. Say hi. _Hi, Grandma_.”

“No,” Claire said.

“Her new favorite word,” Dean said.

“She’s lovely,” Naomi said. Then she looked back at Castiel. “I’m terribly sorry about your wife. I couldn’t attend the funeral.”

“Thank you,” Castiel said, deciding to ignore the part about her not attending the funeral. He hadn’t even bothered to invite her.

“And this is your...boyfriend, you said.”

“Yes,” Castiel said, proudly. “This is my boyfriend. He’s been at my side for a long time. He’s helped me raise Claire. He’s her father, too.”

“How...modern.”

Castiel would take that comment over all the other worst things his mother could have said. _“How modern”_ was her way of saying this was too strange for her to comprehend, but she was keeping her more scandalized thoughts to herself, which meant she was trying.

Eventually, Claire became less clingy over Dean, going as far as to blow a kiss to Naomi. Dean had been teaching her that. Naomi was delighted by it.

“I wish I wasn’t tied to this bed,” Naomi said. “I would love to hold her in my arms.”

“You’ll get to hold her soon,” Anna said. “Your arm should recover in about four months or so. Your leg will need a lot of physical therapy before it’s usable, but we have a wheelchair and crutches back home for you to use as soon as you get out of here. I have high hopes that you’ll make a full recovery, Mom. Your head injury was the scariest part. The rest we can deal with.”

“I can’t be bedridden for months, Anna,” Naomi said. “I have a million things to do. I can’t just sit alone at home while my bones heal. If I have a wheelchair, I’ll find ways to be as active as I always have been.”

Castiel glanced at Dean. He’d been meaning to have this conversation, but he’d avoided it, fearing Dean’s reaction. But he figured it was now or never. “Actually, Mom, I’m staying here to help while you get back on your feet.”

“What?” The question seemed to be coming from everyone in the room. Everyone except Claire, of course.

“I’ve given it a lot of thought,” Castiel said. “Anna can’t stay because of work. I can work from anywhere. I can’t leave you alone to fend for yourself.” Castiel turned to Dean, who was gaping at him. “Dean, I know this isn’t fair of me to ask. This wouldn’t be permanent. I’m sure we can figure out a solution.”

“Are you asking me to move here, or are you asking me to be away from you?” Dean asked. “Because those are two very different requests.”

Castiel rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know.”

Dean looked completely taken aback, and apparently, at a loss for words. 

“We can talk about it later,” Castiel said.

“I think we should talk about it now,” Dean said, voice hard.

When Dean walked out the door, leaving Claire with Anna, Castiel followed after him. Dean led Castiel around a corner, and then turned around to face him. His jaw was clenched. He had some stubble because he hadn’t shaved that morning and he rubbed his hand over it.

“Cas, what the hell are you trying to do?”

Castiel crossed his arms. “I don’t know, Dean. All I know is that I can’t leave my mom to fend for herself under a good conscience. I have to take care of her.”

“But you want me to go back home?” Dean asked. “You want me to be away from you and Claire? For how long? Months? Years? What if she never fully recovers? Will you move here permanently?”

Castiel looked away from Dean’s furious gaze. “Look, I haven’t thought this through all the way. My first thought was asking you to move here with me. Not permanently. Just until I’m sure my mom will be alright on her own. You don’t have to work. I make enough to take care of us. And I can fly you out to Oklahoma to visit your family. I can fly them here, too. Whatever you’d prefer.”

Dean’s expression hadn’t changed when Castiel glanced back at him. “And if I say no?”

“Then I guess you’d go back home,” Castiel said. “And we can have a long-distance relationship.”

Dean grimaced. “What about Claire?”

“Dean, I _don’t_ know. This is too difficult for me to decide on my own. If you have any better ideas, I’d love to hear them.”

“Fuck.” Dean leaned against the wall, burying his face in his hands. “I didn’t think I’d ever have to decide between you and the rest of my family.”

Castiel touched Dean’s shoulder. “You don’t have to pick either or. I’m not giving you an ultimatum. I’m not trying to end our relationship. That’s the very last thing I want. I’m trying to do right by my mother while I still can and I’m asking you, as my partner, to work with me. I hate to put you on this spot. But _please_ , Dean, I need you with me on this.”

“This is a lot to process,” Dean said, uncovering his face.

Castiel swallowed. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say next until he said it. “Listen to me, Dean. If you really don’t want me to do this, then I won’t.”

Dean searched Castiel’s face. “Really?”

“Really,” Castiel assured him. He felt torn in both directions. His need to stay here and look after Naomi was as strong as his urge to fly back home with Dean so they could continue their lives together. But Castiel couldn’t stay if Dean couldn’t bear it.

Dean blinked. “Cas, I love you, and I love Claire, and the last thing I want is to be away from either of you. Or for Claire to be away from either of us. So if you have to stay here, then I’ll stay with you. If you’ll have me.”

Castiel would have never imagined such a simple response from Dean. In a few sentences, he’d shut down the entire argument. There was a finality in Dean’s words. Unchanging. Castiel had never loved him more. He knew how much he was asking of Dean. But Dean was willing to give it all to Castiel, selflessly, generously. 

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, kissing his cheek. “Of course I’ll have you, Dean. Thank you for doing this. Love of my fucking life.”

“I don’t know how I’ll break the news to Sam and Bobby, but I’ll figure something out.” Dean pulled away. “I should probably do it in person, too. And while I’m there, I can bring all our stuff. I only packed a few changes of clothes for me and Claire. We’ll need to bring all her favorite toys. Oh, and Dandy! We need to figure out a way to bring Dandy.”

Castiel nodded, hugging Dean again. “Yeah, we’ll figure all that out later. For now, I’m just so happy that you’re staying here with me. You’re my family, Dean. You always have been. I couldn’t be away from you.”

“Me neither, Cas. Me neither.”


	6. Part 6: Family

__

_“I've been running all my life._

_I ran away, I ran away from good._

_Yeah I've been waiting all my life,_

_You're not a day, you're not a day too soon._

_Honey I will stitch you,_

_Darling I will fit you in my heart._

_Honey I will meet you,_

_Darling I will keep you in my heart.”_

-Sia, **Day Too Soon**

**Dean**

Dean flew home a couple of days later. Well, he flew to Oklahoma City, which was no longer home. Anchorage, Alaska would be his home for the time being. It was still pretty surreal to think about that, but Dean had made his choice and he knew it was the right one. Anything that involved Castiel and Claire was the right choice. Sure, it would be difficult having to live away from Sam, Jess, Bobby, and even Ellen. But Dean wanted to support Castiel, and he wasn’t going to let anything keep him away from him and Claire.

The second ten hour flight Dean had to endure to get back to Oklahoma City hadn’t been as tortuous as the first one. For one, he didn’t have Claire to worry about since she was staying with Castiel while Dean went to gather their stuff. And for two, Dean had managed to sleep most of the way there, so he hadn’t had much time to panic over the absurd heights the plane was traveling in, which was somehow normal and acceptable for public transportation.

Dean found his Impala right where he’d left it at the airport. He hadn’t been expecting to leave it for over a week, but at least it was still in mint condition. Well, as minty as the last time Dean had fixed it.

When he turned into his street, or what would soon stop being his street, he was about to pull into Castiel’s driveway, but he noticed a strange car parked in his driveway. That was unexpected. No one ever visited Dean at his old house anymore. Everyone who knew him knew he lived with Castiel. Dean pulled into his own driveway, parking beside the empty car and exiting his Impala, grateful to stretch his legs again. 

Halfway to his front porch, he stopped on his tracks. His jaw dropped. For a second, Dean considered he’d started hallucinating. It wouldn’t be completely unthinkable. But he strode forward, pulse quickening at the simple thought that the dark-haired woman standing there really was Lisa Braeden, and not a figment of his imagination.

Lisa.

Lisa was here.

Lisa was back.

Lisa was back? 

Oh God. Ben.

Dean ran the rest of the way up to her and pulled her into his arms, pressing her close to his chest. Dean had imagined this moment hundreds, if not thousands, of times. But he’d never pictured himself doing this. Except, all he could think about now was how much he’d missed this person who had been such an important part of the majority of his life. And how ridiculously happy he was to see her again. Despite the way they’d left things the last time they saw each other and despite the fact that she’d taken away the only person Dean could not live without, Dean was over the top blissful right now.

“Dean?” Lisa asked in a quiet voice, finally moving her arms to hug him back. “You know it’s me, right? It’s Lisa.”

Dean nodded, unwilling to let her go just yet. “I know it’s you, Lis. I can’t believe you’re here. I’ve missed you so fucking much.” He eventually did pull away, holding her by the shoulders as he looked at her. She hadn’t changed. Well, she was slightly tanner and her hair was shorter, but other than that, it was the same old Lisa. She looked completely confused and maybe a little concerned, too. 

“What are you doing back here?” Dean asked. “Where’s Ben? Is he okay? Did something happen?”

Lisa gave him a small smile. “Ben is perfectly fine, Dean. We got here about a week ago. I’ve been coming every day since then looking for you. At first I thought maybe you were just ignoring me, but then I realized you weren’t here.”

A week ago. Holy shit. Ben had returned a full week ago and Dean had been none the wiser. “Where’s Ben? Why isn’t he with you?”

Lisa motioned to the front door. “You think we can go inside and talk? I’ve been standing here for a while, and I need to use the bathroom.”

Dean nearly dropped his keys trying to unlock the door, but he eventually got it open, and ushered Lisa inside. While she went to the bathroom, Dean sat on his couch, wishing and hoping and praying that this was really and truly happening. That he wasn’t having a vivid dream or that he’d died and gone to heaven during his flight.

Ben was back. 

Ben was back in Oklahoma. Dean would get to see him again. Dean would get to hug him again. Dean would get to tell him how much he loved and missed him and how he would never let him go again. Because Dean wouldn’t let the same thing happen again. He had no idea what Lisa was doing back or what her intentions were, but Dean would still make sure that history did not repeat itself. 

Lisa stepped back into the living room, sitting down across from Dean on the other couch. The place was clean but dusty since Dean had hardly been around here much. He’d been considering selling the house since it seemed wasteful to continue paying for a place he didn’t live in. Dean had been holding onto that house the same way he’d been holding onto hope that Ben would one day return to his life.

Lisa held Dean’s gaze for a moment, and then she gave him a full smile. “You took me by surprise outside. I should say that I’m also really glad to see you. You look great.”

Dean nodded. “I feel great. Where’s Ben?”

“He’s with my mom. I wanted to talk to you first. I hope that’s okay.”

Dean let out a breath of relief. The knowledge that Ben was safe and nearby was enough to ease the tightness in his heart. “Yeah, that’s alright. We can talk.”

“Good.” Lisa hesitated, shifting uncomfortably. “Dean, I don’t want to make excuses for what I did. It was, by far, the lowest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I hurt you. And you didn’t deserve that. I don’t expect you to forgive me.”

“I already forgave you,” Dean said, quickly. He needed her to know. He’d needed her to know for some time now.

Lisa widened her eyes. “You did?”

“Yeah. I’ve been in therapy. It’s helped me a lot. I’m trying not to hold onto any resentment from my past. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m working hard at it.”

“That’s amazing, Dean. I wasn’t expecting that. Truthfully, I had prepared myself for a very long and loud argument. It’s the reason I didn’t bring Ben with me. I figured I should test the waters first.”

Dean shifted forward onto the edge of the couch. His hands were clammy, so he wiped them against his jeans. “Lisa, why are you here? I mean, why did you decide to come back after all this time?”

Lisa sighed. “I’m here because I realized that I had made a colossal mistake by separating you and Ben. Although you may not believe me, when I left, I truly did believe I was doing the right thing for Ben. Sure, I also let my feelings for Benjamin get in the way of that decision, but I was mostly convinced that Ben should grow up at Benjamin’s side instead of yours.” Lisa scoffed, scratching her head. 

“You didn’t have to choose one over the other,” Dean said. “You could have let us both be in Ben’s life.”

Lisa looked away from Dean’s gaze, ignoring his words. “I’m not exactly sure when I started harboring my own resentment towards you while we were together. I let it build up, and I let that morph into something much darker. Something like hatred. But I don’t think I really hated you, Dean. I think I hated the thought of you using me to be close to Ben. I hated that you never trusted me with your thoughts and feelings. I hated that you never looked at me with excitement anymore. But I didn’t hate _you_. So, when I left, I was filled with this bitter hate, and I thought a new start with Benjamin would be good for Ben and for myself.”

_But something went wrong along the way?_ Dean swallowed his question.

“There was a gigantic hole in my perfect plan, though,” Lisa continued. “I thought Ben was too young to care about whether you were in his life or not. I thought that with time he’d grow used to Benjamin, and he’d be happy.” Lisa’s face twisted with something like pain, and her eyes filled with tears. “Fuck. I detest myself for what I did to Ben, Dean. If you had seen him the day, weeks, even months after we left. Ben was a completely different boy. It was like the light that lived inside of him was lost.”

Dean felt like he’d been punched in the stomach.

Lisa shook her head, blinking away tears. “At first I thought that maybe he was sick, or that the sudden change of scenery had upset him, but I couldn’t lie to myself forever. He was miserable because he missed you, Dean. Not a day went by that he didn’t ask for you. Benjamin stepped up. He was a great father to Ben, like I knew he would be. He took him to the park, he bought him toys, he played with him, but nothing made Ben happy. Eventually, I caved and got him a dog because I thought maybe that would do the trick. And it did help restore some of that light back in his eyes, but he still asked for you.” Lisa looked back at Dean, eyes filled with regret.

Dean knew that the term heartbreak was used metaphorically. A human heart didn’t break. Not literally. But in that moment, Dean was sure that he felt his heart break into a thousand pieces. Maybe it was because the pain he felt at hearing about Ben’s suffering was too massive that it became physical. Maybe it was because Dean had felt a similar pain at the loss of Ben, and he’d never considered that Ben would be feeling it, too. Maybe it was because there was no way of going back in time to prevent or even erase that pain from Ben’s little heart. Dean was heartbroken, and the aching suffocated him.

“I continued lying to myself,” Lisa went on, slumping her shoulders. “I thought that if I just waited a little longer, Ben would eventually return to normal. That the light would come back. But in the end I realized that I was just fooling myself. I knew that I had to put my son first, and I hadn’t been doing that. I’d never felt like a worse mother. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for what I put him through.” Lisa took a deep breath. “I’m here now, not to make amends to you, as much as I should. But because I owe it to my son to give him back the happiness I took away from him.” She hesitated. “Benjamin wasn’t a bad father, Dean, but he wasn’t you. Ben wants to be with you. So, I’m back for good.”

“You are?” Dean asked.

“Yeah,” Lisa said. “Benjamin will remain in Sacramento for the time being. I told him that he can be as involved as he wants, and he agreed to visit Ben every month. Truth be told, I wasn’t really happy at his side either. I idealized Benjamin to the point of causing an irreparable amount of damage to the people around me. To my son. And to his father.”

Dean stared at Lisa for an entire minute, frozen and speechless on the spot. When he finally found his voice again, he said, “ _Fuck_ , Lisa. I don’t know what to say. I’m fucking devastated. Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you let me visit him? I could have helped. I hate to think that Ben suffered because of me.”

“No, Dean. Ben suffered because of _me_. None of this is your fault.”

“If I had been a better boyfriend, maybe then—”

“Stop.” Lisa raised a hand. “I know what you’re doing. You’re not putting this on yourself. I won’t let you. Dean, you were always kind to me. You might not have loved me, or talked to me, or gotten excited every time you saw me, but even if you had, you didn’t deserve what I did. And neither did Ben. I made a rash decision, and now I have to live with the consequences. All I want now is for Ben to spend some time with you. Because you were always Ben’s dad, Dean. I knew this, but I fought against it for my stupid reasons. You were a great dad. A _fantastic_ dad. I ripped your son away from you. Now all I ask of you is to let Ben back into your life because he needs you at his side.”

If Dean wasn’t currently a mess inside, it would have been humorous to point out how ridiculous Lisa’s request was. Dean didn’t have to think about whether or not he would let Ben back in his life. Ben had always belonged there. It went against all human nature for Ben to not be in Dean’s life.

“Bring Ben back home,” Dean said. “Please. Move back into this house. It’s yours. It’s always been yours. I just need to see my son back, Lisa.”

Lisa nodded, giving him a small smile. “Yeah, we can do that. Is it okay if I go get him now?”

“Yes,” Dean nearly snapped. “Yeah. I’ll go with you.” Dean was already on his feet, heading for the door.

“Let me go alone.” The look Dean sent her made her backtrack. “I won’t disappear again. I swear to you, I won’t. I just want to prepare him. He doesn’t know we’re going to see you. I just told him we were going to stay with his grandma for a while. Let me get him mentally ready for you. We’ll be back soon.”

Dean hated the thought of letting Lisa leave just like that. “Before you bring Ben back, I need something from you. Well, two things.”

Lisa nodded. “Anything.”

“I need your phone number. And I’ll call it right now to verify it’s really yours.”

“Of course.”

“And I need you to make me Ben’s legal guardian.”

Lisa stared at him. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.” Dean might have forgiven Lisa, but he didn’t trust her. Not really. And he needed some kind of reassurance that if Lisa decided to take off again, for whatever reason, he would have some legal way of getting Ben back. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. “So?”

“Yes. If that’s what you need from me, I’ll do it.”

“Perfect. I’ll get Sam to help out with that.”

Lisa was on her feet now, too. “I won’t take too long.”

Dean nodded, hoping that she didn’t.

After Lisa gave Dean her number, and he made sure it was really hers, he walked her to her car. Then he stood there, on his driveway, with his heart in his throat, and his entire body trembling. He had never been more afraid of trusting anyone before. It had taken all of him to let Lisa go, holding onto nothing but her phone number as a guarantee that she’d be back again.

The moment Dean went back into his house, he knew he had to tell someone, anyone, that Ben was back. 

_Ben is back. My son is back._

Finally.

Dean figured he should call Sam first to ask about how to get the whole legal guardian process started. But right as he was about to dial, he saw the picture on his home page. Claire. Oh God. Dean had given Castiel his word that he would move to Alaska with him and Claire. Oh fuck. What the fuck was he going to do now? For some fucked up reason, Dean kept having to choose between the people he loved. He couldn’t choose between Castiel and Claire or Ben. All Dean knew was that he couldn’t lose any of them. He had to call Castiel. He had to tell him everything.

As the phone rang, Dean sat back on the couch, slumped down and nearly defeated. He’d lost all his previous adrenaline while trying to come up with some kind of solution that didn’t leave him without any member of his family.

“Dean, I’ve been expecting your call,” Castiel said. “How was your flight?”

Dean cut right to the chase. “Lisa’s back.”

“Lisa’s— _what?_ ”

“When I got home a few minutes ago, I found Lisa on my front porch. She said she got back a week ago.”

“Dean, are you alright? I can’t believe that woman came back out of the blue. She’s fucking unbelievable! I’m all the way here when I should be with you right now. I hate the thought of Lisa being around you. I hate the thought of you being anywhere near her, too.”

“Cas, it’s alright. I can handle this. Besides, this isn’t about Lisa. It’s about Ben. She just left to get him. She’s bringing him back home, Cas.”

Castiel was quiet for a moment. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m dead serious. You wouldn’t believe the stuff she told me. I don’t really wanna talk about it right now. I’ll tell you later. Anyway, we agreed that I would become Ben’s legal guardian. And I offered the house to her. Ben and Lisa are gonna live here again, Cas. In my house. My old house. You know what I mean. I know this is a lot to process, but I can’t wait to see my son again. I...I just can’t believe this is really happening. Ben is back, Cas. Ben is back.”

“That’s wonderful news, Dean. Now I really wish I was there so I could see him, too. This is...this is a lot to take in.”

“Tell me about it.”

There was a long silence between them. Dean knew exactly why that was. 

“So,” Dean said, pressing his eyes shut.

“So you can’t move to Anchorage with us,” Castiel finished the sentence.

“Cas, I haven’t made any decisions yet. I was hoping we could come up with a solution together like we did last time. Because I’m not okay living without any of you. I’m not gonna choose. I love all of you so much. All three of you. Help me, Cas. I need you now more than ever.”

“I think you should stay in Oklahoma,” Castiel said, after another moment of silence. “Ben needs you at his side. And I know you need him, too. Reconnect with him. And come visit me and Claire anytime. We’ll be glad to see you as much as we can.”

That wasn’t the perfect solution that Dean had been waiting for. “How long would we have to keep this up? This long-distance thing?”

“I wish I knew. There’s no telling how long it’ll take my mom to make a full recovery. Dean, I hate to put you in this position. I hate that I’m making your life so much harder when you should only be celebrating Ben’s return. I don’t want us to be a burden on you.”

“Cas, baby, don’t ever say that. You and Claire are not, and will _never_ , be a burden on me. Never. Both of you are my family, and I love you with all my heart. Look, I will stay in Oklahoma for now. Just until I figure out what to do next. Meanwhile, I’ll fly to Anchorage every weekend.”

“That’s absurd, Dean. It’s a ten hour flight, and you hate flying.”

“I don’t care. This is what I’m gonna do. Because, like I said, I can’t live without any of you. So, I will make sacrifices. I will deal with my fear of flying. It’s the least of my concerns. And I will make time for all three of you. This will be our solution for now. We can figure out the rest later. Together.”

“Okay,” Castiel said, voice barely above a whisper. “We’ll figure out the rest later.”

“Hey,” Dean said. “I love you. Never forget that.”

“I love you, too.”

“I know that everything that’ll follow next won’t be so easy on either of us, but we’ll get through it. Thank you for being so understanding, Cas. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Crash and burn.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah. Exactly. Crash and burn.”

The sound of a car pulling into Dean’s driveway made him sit up straight. Dean looked out the window to confirm that Lisa was back with Ben.

“Ben’s here,” Dean said.

“Go give him a big hug from his Uncle Cas.”

“I’ll do that.”

“Go, Dean. Don’t keep him waiting.”

So Dean went.

**Castiel**

Castiel slid to the floor, his back against the wall on the hallway. He winced when he hit the hard tile floor, pulling his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. All he could do was stare at the wall opposite him. He grew up in this house, but he’d never run through this hallway, or any hallway for that matter. Even as a kid, Castiel had to act proper and there was no room for being a kid and having fun. Boredom had been his entire childhood.

His mind was spinning as he replayed the conversation he’d just had with Dean. Castiel was torn between feeling ecstatic about Ben’s return, disappointed about Dean not moving to Anchorage with him, and aggravated about Lisa being back in Dean’s life. Lisa, who had caused a million and one problems for Dean. Lisa who had been absolutely heartless by ripping Ben away from Dean. Lisa, whom Dean had spent a cumulative ten years with romantically. Castiel had no doubts about Dean’s love for him and he trusted Dean with his life, but that didn’t stop him from feeling annoyed and maybe also slightly jealous about Lisa getting to live right next door to Dean while Castiel was so far away.

But Ben was back, and that was the highlight of it all. It was more than a silver lining. It was a miracle. Dean would get to have his son back. He’d be complete again. That was enough to get Castiel up off the floor. This was a good thing. Ben was back and everything else was insignificant.

As he rounded the corner into the living room, he ran into Anna. Being back in such an enormous house felt strange. There were too many hallways and rooms and it was difficult keeping track of the few people who were inside. Anna was sticking around for a couple more days before she flew back to Seattle. Claire was with Naomi in the master bedroom, watching cartoons. The house was unnervingly quiet. Castiel missed Dean’s loudness.

“Castiel,” Anna said, hand to her chest. “You scared me. Are you okay?”

Castiel nodded. “Yeah, I just got off the phone with Dean.”

“Oh. When is he coming back?”

Castiel wasn’t sure why, but he felt like crying. He pulled Anna back to the living room and sat with her on the couch. “Dean isn’t coming to live here anymore.”

Tilting her head, Anna furrowed her eyebrows. “Why not? I thought he said he couldn’t live away from you and Claire. What changed?”

“Ben came back.” Castiel was glad that Dean had already shared everything about Ben with Anna so he didn’t have to catch her up.

“Are you serious? Oh my God. Dean must be over the moon!” 

Castiel smiled. “Yeah, he’s thrilled.”

And then when it dawned on her, Anna frowned. “Oh, no. Oh, I’m sorry, Castiel. Dean is staying in Oklahoma City to be with his son.”

“Yes. And I wouldn’t want him to be away from Ben.” Castiel sighed. “Dean actually promised he’d fly here every weekend.”

“That’s insane.”

“I agree. I don’t want to make this difficult for him. He should be enjoying having Ben back home. He shouldn’t be worrying about who he’ll have to live without.”

“Castiel, you know you don’t have to stay here with Mom.”

“I know that, Anna. But I can’t just abandon her like I did before. She needs me right now. I need to do this. I would regret it all my life if I didn’t. I just wish things weren’t so complicated.”

Anna pulled Castiel into a hug, messing up his hair in the process. “Don’t worry, kid. Things will be alright. We’ll figure something out. This won’t last forever.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I am. Just trust me. I’m your big sister. I always got your back.”

Castiel was touched. “I love you, Anna.”

“Love you, too, kid.”

They went to the kitchen for some ice cream, and brought it back to the couch to eat as they watched _The Twilight Zone_. It was like they were kids again back in their childhood home, doing the same thing they’d done hundreds of times.

Except, Castiel kept getting distracted by the mint chocolate chip ice cream melting in his bowl.

“There’s more, isn’t there?” Anna asked.

Castiel ate a big scoop of ice cream, hesitating. “Well...yes.”

“What is it? Talk to me. Make me useful. I’m here to give you advice, just like when we were kids and you would always come home asking me how to make friends.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “That happened one time.”

Anna grinned. “You were really socially awkward. You remember? But you were so cute. I think all those kids at your school were just stuck up. You were always the best friend I ever had. You still are.”

Castiel knew that Anna was just trying to make him feel better, but it was working. “Okay, I’ll tell you. It’s just that Lisa, Dean’s ex, has hurt him so much, and I was always there to pick Dean back up every time it happened. It was our thing, back when we were just friends. Lisa would make Dean upset, and Dean would come to my house, and I’d cheer him up. Or, at least I tried. I liked being the one to protect him. I liked that I could make him smile and laugh when he was down. I don’t like Lisa. I don’t trust that she won’t hurt him again. But I’m too far away to pick Dean back up if he gets down.” Castiel looked back at the melting ice cream in his bowl. 

“Is she really that awful?”

Castiel shrugged one shoulder. “I might be a bit biased, seeing as I only ever had eyes for Dean and only cared about his version of events. It also doesn’t help that Lisa was a very significant person in Dean’s life for many years. More than I’ve even known him.”

“Castiel, you can’t possibly think that Dean would leave you for his ex-girlfriend, who not only ripped him away from his son, but also kept putting him down.”

“Of course I don’t think that. But their long history—”

“So what if they have a long history? People have stayed in abusive relationships for decades, but that doesn’t mean they love the person they’re with. Dean is so in love with you, it’s a little concerning. Have you seen the way he’ll just stare at you when you talk, with his mouth wide open like he’s about to drool any second? He’s stupidly in love with you. Don’t worry about Lisa.”

Castiel sighed. He knew that Anna was right. “Sometimes I let my anxiety get out of hand. Well, more than sometimes. It happens a lot. I’m trying to work on that. I do feel a lot better after this talk. Big sister to the rescue, just like old times.”

Anna punched his arm, playfully. “You know it. That won’t change when I go back home. You can call me anytime, day or night. I’m always here for you. I don’t want you to feel like you have no one to talk to. I know you have a therapist, but I’m free, and I love talking to you.”

“I love talking to you, too, Anna.”

“I hope you love talking to me enough to share some of your ice cream because I already finished mine.” Anna tried to steal some of Castiel’s ice cream with her spoon, but he held it out of her reach.

“You licked that spoon! You’re not getting any of my ice cream.”

“But we were having such a nice moment. There’s nothing wrong with my saliva. As a doctor, I can assure you that you won’t catch anything if you share your ice cream with me.”

“Oh, please, you can’t use the doctor card on me.”

Anna narrowed her eyes. “But I can use the big sister card. Come on, don’t be mean to me. You love me, and loving me equals ice cream.”

Castiel snorted. “That’s not real math. You’ll have to go to the kitchen if you want more ice cream.”

Anna pouted her lip, holding her empty bowl out to him. “Will you go get me some?”

Yeah, this was just like old times. 

And just like old times, Castiel relented.

**Dean**

The first thing Dean did when Ben stepped out of Lisa’s car was run towards him. Seeing Ben’s face light up at seeing him was a gift Dean thought he’d never get to have. Ben met Dean halfway, running straight into his arms. Dean picked him up, crushing him to his chest and twirling him around like they were in one of those old movies. They might as well be. This was the most perfect moment of Dean’s life. Nothing would ever top this.

Ben had a tight grip around Dean’s neck, unwilling to let him go even when Dean tried to pull away so he could look at his face. Ben looked the same and entirely too different at the same time. He’d gotten a lot taller in the near two years they’d been apart. His hair was longer, his face slimmer—his big cheeks had disappeared—and when he smiled, even his teeth were new. Dean’s face hurt from smiling so wide, but it was the good kind of pain. The one that made his heart swell. Dean kissed Ben’s face, reassuring himself that he was really there, really in his arms, not going anywhere ever again.

Ben laughed. “Dad, you’re slobbering all over me.”

Dean lost his breath. Ben had called him _dad_. For some reason, this shocked him. He’d expected Ben to need some time to get used to Dean again. He’d also thought that maybe Ben had preferred Benjamin as his dad instead of Dean, so he’d given him the title alone. But this was more. More than Dean would have ever anticipated. 

“I’m sorry, kiddo.” Dean held Ben’s face with one hand. Ben had a playful and bright smile that reached his eyes. Dean couldn’t deal with the knowledge that this kind of joy had been erased from his son while they were apart from each other. So he just pressed him to his chest again, wanting nothing more than to stay like this for the rest of his life. “I just really missed you.”

“I missed you, too, Dad.”

Dean looked at Lisa, who had given them a few feet of space. Then he glanced back at Ben. “I love you, kiddo. I love you so much. You know that, right? You know you mean the world to me, don’t you?”

Ben looked into Dean’s eyes, nodding firmly. “I know, Dad. I love you, too. I’m so happy to see you.”

Dean laughed with tears in his eyes. “I’m happy, too, honey. I can’t believe you’re really here. Hey, do you wanna see Dandy? I know she missed you, too.”

Ben widened his eyes. “Dandy! Yes, Dad. Yes! I love Dandy. I wanna see her. I have my own dog now, too. His name is Doug. I got to name him.”

Dean thought he would melt inside. “Doug the Dog, huh? I still have your toy.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I do. I kept it with me. I thought you might want it back.”

“I thought he was lost. I didn’t know what happened to him.”

“He wasn’t lost, kiddo. He was with me all along. He kept me company all this time.” Dean motioned for Lisa to follow him next door.

“Dean, I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to go visit the Novaks right now,” Lisa said, hesitating from the place she was standing.

Dean shook his head. “The place is empty. Unless Charlie’s still in there feeding Dandy. I asked her to keep a look out for her while I was gone.”

Lisa looked beyond confused, but she trailed behind Dean as he carried Ben to his house. 

Before they walked inside, Dandy ran up to them at the door, tail wagging excitedly when she saw them. Dean set Ben down and Ben immediately wrapped his arms around Dandy, kissing her head as she licked his arm.

“Look how happy she is to see you,” Dean said. 

“I missed you so much, Dandy.” Ben laughed, petting her head as she continued licking him.

Dean set his keys on the front table and took off his jacket, tossing it over the armrest of the couch. Then he turned to Lisa. “Do you want something to drink? I think there’s orange juice and sweet tea. There might be lemonade, too, but it’s old.”

“Dean, why are we here if the Novaks aren’t home? I don’t feel comfortable about this.”

“I live here.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s sort of a long story. You want a drink or not? I’m getting sweet tea. Ben, you want some juice? There’s no Capri-Sun, but I’ll go out first thing tomorrow to stock the fridge with them.”

“Yeah, I want juice!”

Lisa still hadn’t answered Dean’s simple question, but she followed him into the kitchen. “Dean, do you mind explaining what the hell is going on here? Where are Amelia and Castiel? And Claire?”

Dean poured the juice and sweet tea into two glasses. “So you don’t want a drink?”

“Answer my question.”

Dean put the bottles back in the fridge. “It’s interesting how you think you can show up out of the blue asking for explanations left and right.”

Lisa furrowed her eyebrows. “I’m just trying to make sense of the situation. None of this makes sense.”

“Look, Lisa, a lot has changed since you left. I’ll tell you everything. But first I wanna spend some time with my son. Is that alright with you?”

Lisa looked like she was getting ready to argue, but in the end she slumped her shoulders and nodded. “Sure. I’ll wait.”

“Great. I was thinking about ordering some pizza for dinner.”

“That sounds good.”

Dean smiled. “Awesome.” Back in the living room, he put the drinks on the coffee table and sat on the couch. Ben stopped petting Dandy so he could go sit beside Dean, leaning his head against Dean’s arm. Dean wrapped the same arm around Ben, kissing the top of his head. “You want some pizza, kiddo?”

“Yeah! I want pizza. Can we watch Scooby-Doo?”

Dean gasped. “You still like Scooby-Doo?”

“I _love_ Scooby-Doo! Every time I saw it I thought of you, and Uncle Cas, and Aunt Amelia. Remember when we would all go swimming in the backyard? And then we ate pizza and watched Scooby-Doo? Remember?”

Dean laughed. “Of course I remember. Those were the good old days. Uncle Cas wanted me to give you a really big hug.” And Dean did, squeezing him tight. “I’m sure he’d love to see you right now.”

“Where is Uncle Cas, Dad?” Ben asked. “And Aunt Amelia? We’re in their house, but they’re not here. Only Dandy is here, and she was all alone.”

Dean was hoping that he’d have some more time with Ben before he had to break the news to him, but it was his own fault for bringing up Castiel in the first place. Dean looked back at Lisa, who was sitting across from him, waiting for Dean to answer Ben’s question. “Well, I have to be honest with you, Ben. You remember that your Aunt Amelia was pregnant, right?” Ben nodded. “So, there were some complications during her labor, and sadly, Aunt Amelia went to Heaven, kiddo. She passed away.”

Ben’s eyes widened, and he frowned. “Aunt Amelia is dead?”

“Yeah, unfortunately that’s what happened,” Dean said, flicking his gaze back to Lisa, who looked just as stunned as Ben. 

“I never got to say goodbye to her,” Ben said quietly.

Dean kissed the top of his head again. “I know, kiddo. Me neither. But Aunt Amelia knew how much you loved her.”

Ben kicked his dangling feet. “I’m really gonna miss her.”

“I miss her, too,” Dean admitted. “Every day.”

“I’m sorry about Amelia,” Lisa said. “She was a good friend.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I know she was. There’s no one else like her.” 

Lisa cleared her throat. “I’m sure Castiel was devastated. He was so in love with her.”

“It wasn’t easy,” Dean said. He could still remember those gloomy days following Amelia’s death. It was like a dark cloud was permanently hovering over the entire house.

Ben started petting Dandy again when she walked over to him, wanting more attention. “I bet Dandy really misses her too.”

“Yeah, she does,” Dean said, trying to find a way to lift Ben’s spirits again. “But hey, Claire was born healthy, and she’s growing really fast.”

“Where _is_ Claire?” Ben asked, a spark of hope in his eyes.

Dean sipped his tea. “Claire is with your Uncle Cas in Alaska. Uncle Cas had a family emergency, and he’ll be living there from now on to take care of his mom. Claire is with him. That’s why the house is empty, kiddo. But I’m gonna be living here with Dandy, and she won’t be alone anymore.”

“You won’t live in our old house anymore?” Ben asked.

Dean glanced back at Lisa. “I don’t think so.” Then he looked at Ben. “But we’ll be right next door. And you can sleep in this house anytime. It’s your house, too, Ben. I’ll run it by Cas first, but maybe we can even turn the guest room into your room. That way you can have two rooms, just for you.”

Ben tilted his head to the side. “Why don’t you wanna live with us anymore, Dad?”

Dean hadn’t been prepared for that particular question. “It’s not that I don’t want to, kiddo. Believe me, I wanna be wherever you are. But this is my home now. It’s where I’ve been living for a long time. It’s better if your mom has her own house, and I have mine.”

“You and Mom aren’t in love anymore, are you?”

Now this was the question Dean definitely wasn’t prepared for, but he was all about honesty nowadays. So, he looked Ben in the eyes and said, “No, Ben. Your mom and I aren’t in love anymore. But that doesn’t mean we don’t like each other. We can still be a family.”

“Okay,” Ben said, like that was all the reassurance he needed. “Can we watch Scooby-Doo now?”

Dean grinned. “Sure we can.”

They settled back on the couch with Dandy after Dean ordered the pizza. Dean put Scooby-Doo on and watched Ben beam in response. Dean kissed the top of his head again, keeping him close because he was still afraid that Ben would somehow slip away again. Or vanish out of thin air. This felt too good to be true, getting to have Ben in his life again. Getting to be Ben’s father again. Except, the situation was far from perfect. Dean knew that. He was miles away from Castiel and Claire. He would probably spend the next new months, or _years_ , traveling back and forth between the two states so he could spend time with everyone. Dean was being pulled in two very different directions. But this was his family. Dean had to do whatever it took.

The pizza arrived soon. Dean was starving since he hadn’t eaten since that morning on his flight. He was the first one to finish half of a pizza in one go. While Ben and Lisa continued eating, Dean snuck into his bedroom and came back out with Doug the Dog. Ben let out a loud gasp when he saw his toy, holding out his marinara-smeared hand out for it. Dean handed him over.

“Doug the Dog!” Ben cheered, squishing the toy to his cheek. “I missed him. Now he gets to meet my real dog.”

“I wanna meet him, too,” Dean said. “Is he at your Grandma’s?”

Ben nodded, taking another bite of pizza. “Yeah, Mom said we couldn’t bring him yet.”

Dean looked at Lisa. “Why not?”

“Because,” Lisa said, “we’re going to sleep at my mom’s tonight. There’s no point in bringing him over yet.”

“Why?” Dean asked quickly. He immediately rejected the idea of Ben sleeping away from Dean on his first night back. “You don’t have to sleep at your mom’s, Lisa. I gave you the house. I want Ben to stay here with me.”

“Can I stay here, Mom, please?” Ben begged. “I’ll be good, I promise. I miss Dad.”

Lisa sighed, looking too tired to argue. “I guess you can.”

Ben gave Dean a wide smile. “I can stay with you, Dad!”

Dean would never get enough of Ben calling him _dad_ again. “We’ll have a sleepover, just the two of us and Dandy.”

“Can we go swimming tomorrow?” Ben asked. “I wish Uncle Cas was here to swim with me. He was a lot of fun.”

Dean wished Castiel was here, too, for a lot of reasons. “I know, kiddo.” After a beat, Dean said, “Why don’t we call him? We can do one of those video call things so you can see him and he can see you.”

“Yeah!” Ben was up on his feet, jumping up and down. “Can we call him? I wanna see him!”

Dean laughed, already digging out his phone from his pocket. He didn’t think he’d ever video called anyone before with it. Or was it Facetimed? Either way, this was brand new territory for Dean, but he suddenly realized that he might have to get used to this, what with all the long distance he’d have to endure. After a lot of clicking around, Dean figured out Facetime, and the phone was dialing.

Castiel answered on the fourth ring. His stubble was more pronounced today than it had been yesterday. Castiel was grinning at the screen as he turned off the television in the room. “Dean, you’ve never Facetimed me before. How’s it going? Did you see Ben?”

“That’s actually why I’m calling.” Dean turned the camera from him to Ben. “Look, Ben, there’s your Uncle Cas. Do you see him? Can you see him?”

“Yeah, Dad, I can see him,” Ben said, waving his hand. “Hi, Uncle Cas. I’m in your house right now with Dandy. She’s really cool. I missed her, and I missed you, and I miss Aunt Amelia, but my dad said she died. I’m sorry.”

Castiel held a hand to his heart. “Oh, my sweet Ben. I’ve missed you, too, honey. And thank you for saying that. I’m sure your Aunt Amelia would have been really happy to see you again. How are you doing? Tell me everything I’ve missed.”

Ben started talking animatedly about all of the things he did in Sacramento, including playing a lot of video games, learning to use a pogo stick, and a skateboard, and a hoverboard, and an electric scooter—evidently Benjamin had bought him every toy he could think of—and getting a dog. As Ben talked, Dean just sat there, contentedly listening to Ben go on and on while, on the screen, Castiel did the same thing. This was as close to perfect as they could get in their current situation, and it wasn’t bad at all.

Once Ben was done filling Castiel in on everything, he told him he needed to get back to watching Scooby-Doo before it got too late and he had to go to bed.

“I understand,” Castiel said with a chuckle. “Scooby-Doo is very important. Ben, it was so nice to see you, even if it was just on the phone. I hope we can see each other in person soon. I love you very much, honey.”

“Love you, too, Uncle Cas,” Ben said, waving again. “Bye!”

Dean turned the camera back on him. “He’s awesome, isn’t he?”

Castiel smiled. “Yes, he is. I’m delighted to see you in such a good mood.”

Dean looked back at Ben, who’d turn all his focus back on the television. “Well, it’s a really great day.”

“I know, and I’ll let you get back to it. But I’ll call you tomorrow morning, yeah?”

“I’ll be waiting. Goodnight, Cas.”

“Goodnight.” Castiel blew Dean a kiss.

Dean smirked because he didn’t think that would stick, but apparently it did. He hadn’t realized that Lisa had been staring closely at him until he got off the call.

After Dean got Ben into bed, reading him a bedtime story from Claire’s collection and kissing his forehead goodnight, Dean grabbed two beers and sat down with Lisa in the backyard. They had some talking to do. Dean was just glad that she’d been patient enough to wait until Ben was asleep to press Dean for questions.

“So,” Lisa said. “Castiel.” It wasn’t a question.

Dean took a sip of his beer. It was the first one he’d had in weeks. “What about him?”

Lisa glanced over at him with a knowing smile. “Are you going to deny that you’re with him? You’ve never been a good liar, you know. Also, there’s a family picture of the three of you and the dog on the living room wall. It doesn’t get more obvious than that.” Castiel had cleared off enough space for the blown up picture of them he’d hung up. 

“I’m not denying anything. Cas and I are together. We’ve been for some time now.”

Lisa gulped down her beer. “I can’t say I’m surprised.”

Although Dean knew he might regret it, he asked, “What do you mean?”

“Dean, you were smitten with Castiel from the beginning. You two were attached at the hip. You always ran to him with all of your problems. You—Dean you _talked_ to him. Far more than you talked to me in all the years we were together. And he always looked at you like you were something incredible.”

Dean took another sip. He hadn’t realized that Lisa had seen their friendship this way. It had felt so normal to Dean at the time. The whole talking thing, though, yeah there was no denying that. As much as Dean complained about how difficult it was for him to talk to people, talking to Castiel was the easiest thing in the world. “Cas is a good man. Too good for me, to be honest. But I love him, and he loves me. We’re gonna have to live apart from each other from now on, but I still have no doubts about him or our relationship. It’s the most solid thing I’ve had for a while.”

Lisa held Dean’s gaze for a long, quiet moment. “I have to say, I’m glad that my leaving brought at least one good thing for you. I know it won’t make up for all the destruction I left behind, but if I had stayed, you would have never taken the chance to explore those feelings for him. I know you well enough to know that much, at least.”

As much as Dean hated to admit it, Lisa was right. Dean would have never dared to deviate from his path of being with Lisa for the rest of his life—no matter how miserable he was with her—for Ben’s sake. If Lisa hadn’t left, Dean would have stuck by her side and they would have both been completely joyless. “You could have broken up with me without taking Ben away from me. We could have figured something else out. Something that didn’t lead to all that pain for both of us.”

Lisa nodded, looking down at her feet. “Yeah, I’m aware of that. I’ve lived with that guilt for a long time now, Dean. I’ve thought about all of the other ways I could have acted. What I did shouldn’t have even crossed my mind. It was….disgusting. I see that now. I left you broken. I could see it in your eyes.”

Dean scoffed. “You don’t know the half of it, Lisa. I lost myself for a long time. I guess I had depression. I had to crash my car to realize I needed help. You put me through hell. But I can let that go. I just can’t let go of the fact that you saw Ben hurting and you still waited almost two years to bring him back home. How could you do that?”

“I was a fucking idiot,” Lisa said with a grimace that twisted her face. “I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

Dean gave her a hard look. “You’re never taking him away from me again, Lisa. I’m not letting you do this again. I’m Ben’s father. I get to be in his life as much as you.”

Lisa nodded. “Of course.”

A thick silence fell between them. Dean wasn’t sure what Lisa was still doing there. He wanted her to leave so he could go to bed. But then she spoke again.

“I know you don’t want more apologies, but I think I do owe you one more. You shut me out a lot, but so did I. Sometimes, I pretended you didn’t exist in my life anymore. You wanted to blame yourself for being a bad boyfriend, but I was a terrible girlfriend to you. All I can do now is wish you all the happiness you can find.” Lisa picked at the beer label on her bottle. “I’m glad you’re with someone new, who I’m sure loves you the way you deserve to be loved.”

Dean let out a long breath, releasing some of the tension that had built up in him. “All I needed to be completely happy was Ben at my side. I just wish I wasn’t forced to be so far away from Castiel and Claire. I’ll have to fly back and forth a lot. I’ll talk to Ben about it tomorrow. I’m gonna do my best to be with all my family.”

“I thought you hated flying. You must really love them.”

“I do. I’ll risk my life on a plane any day for them and for Ben. I may not get to have my family all in the same state, but I can do that much.”

Lisa stared at him again. “You haven’t changed that much if you’re still willing to put everyone else ahead of you.”

“I don’t think that _can_ change.”

“Maybe not.” Lisa patted Dean’s shoulder. “I should head back to my Mom’s. I’ll start bringing all our stuff to the house tomorrow.”

“I can help with the truck.”

“That’ll be nice. Thanks.”

“Thank you for letting Ben stay with me tonight. I didn’t want him to leave so soon.”

“Yeah, I figured. I swear to you, Dean, I won’t stand in the way of you being with Ben anymore. You have my word, although I’m sure it means nothing to you now.”

Dean couldn’t disagree with that statement. “I hope you know that I’ll need to get started on the process of becoming Ben’s legal guardian right away. Just for my own peace of mind.”

“Right. Of course. I’ll sign all the paperwork you need me to sign.”

“Awesome. And Lisa? Thanks for coming back. You shouldn’t have left at all. But you came back, and that’s what matters.”

“I wish I hadn’t left at all either.”

But Dean had always known that wishing didn’t really count for anything. The past couldn’t be erased or rewritten. It was better to accept it for what it was and move forward.

Sometimes, that was the only way to keep on living.

**Castiel**

Taking care of Naomi was a test in patience.

Even after all these years, Naomi hadn’t changed a bit. Castiel had always been called stubborn, but he was the most relenting person compared to her. But Castiel had realized that, for as long as they were living together, he would have to learn to compromise. Otherwise, he’d lose his fucking mind.

This morning, Naomi wheeled into the kitchen while Castiel was cooking breakfast. She had an electric wheelchair so she could move around using only one hand. However, she never failed to complain about being in a wheelchair. She had a broken leg that had been partially reconstructed with a 3D printed bone and she was complaining about how long it was taking for her to walk again. Seeing as she was still wearing a cast, physical therapy wasn’t yet possible, but logic didn’t seem to matter to her.

“Good morning, Mom,” Castiel said, flipping the French toast on the skillet.

“Hi,” Claire said from her high chair at the kitchen table. She was eating apple slices on her own. If Dean were here, he would be hand feeding them to her, but since there was no Dean, Claire was doing more things on her own now.

“Hello, dear Claire,” Naomi said, moving her chair until she was beside her, completely ignoring Castiel’s greeting. It wasn’t because she was angry at Castiel. It was because she seemed to gain power from being petty. “Castiel, what are you making for breakfast? I’m awfully hungry.”

“French toast,” Castiel said.

“But I don’t want that. I want regular toast and eggs. Sunny side up. Not scrambled. And I want a black coffee with three spoonfuls of sugar.”

Castiel sighed, trying his very best not to roll his eyes. It wasn’t even 9 am yet. Too early to start rolling his eyes. Nowadays, he’d wait until noon, at least. “Yesterday you asked me to make you French toast today. Do you not remember that?”

“I do not. I want regular toast and eggs. Sunny—”

“I heard you, Mom. I heard you. I will get you the regular toast and sunny side up eggs.”

“And the coffee. Don’t forget the coffee. I need my morning coffee. I would make it if I could, of course. But you seem to think that I can’t do anything with one hand.”

That wasn’t exactly true. But the whole point of Castiel leaving his home in Oklahoma City and making Dean’s life entirely too difficult was so that he could facilitate his mother’s life, not so that she could struggle by doing everything on her own because she believed Castiel couldn’t do it correctly. Naomi had never been easy-going. Castiel knew that. But he wished she would cut him some slack. He was trying his best, but she didn’t seem to think so.

“I will get you everything that you asked for, Mom. Give me a minute, please.”

“Alright. I have Claire to keep me company anyway.”

Castiel abandoned the French toast and got started on Naomi’s new breakfast. Only two minutes had passed when Naomi called out to him again.

“Castiel,” she said. “Will you let me know if you plan on taking more than thirty minutes with my breakfast? There is a medication I need to take soon, but I cannot take it on an empty stomach. So, I might have to eat an apple or an orange in order to take it.”

Castiel clung to the counter, closed his eyes, and counted to ten. “Your breakfast will just take a few short minutes, Mom. Not nearly close to thirty. You have my word.”

“Well, alright then.”

This time, Castiel timed how long it took him to make Naomi’s breakfast and coffee from the time he got started to the time the plate and mug were set in front of her. Six minutes. It took six minutes. Nowhere near thirty. But he didn’t get a chance to point it out because his phone started ringing.

Castiel hurried to dig it out of his pocket, nearly dropping it from excitement when he confirmed that it was Dean.

“Dean,” Castiel answered, smiling.

“Hey, handsome,” Dean said. “Good morning.”

Castiel hadn’t seen Dean in five days, and he missed him fiercely. “Good morning.”

“Is that the boyfriend?” Naomi asked, sipping her coffee. Naomi always referred to Dean as _the boyfriend_.

“Yes, Mom. It’s Dean. Could you keep an eye on Claire while I take this in the living room?”

“I suppose.”

Castiel made his exit, waiting until he was comfortably seated on the couch to say another word. “You have no idea how much I miss you.”

“I think I have a pretty good idea,” Dean said, chuckling. “I’m heading there first thing tomorrow morning. You’ll see me there in the afternoon, hopefully.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with this arrangement?” Castiel hated to ask because he feared Dean’s answer, but he also needed to be sure that Dean was alright with this plan. “You’ll only be here for a couple of days. Not even two full days because you’re leaving Sunday morning. It’s more of a day and a half. And are you sure Bobby is okay with you taking every Friday off from now on so you can fly here?” Castiel had offered to pay for every other one of Dean’s flights since they were expensive. Fortunately, _Angel On the Run_ had become a New York Times Best Seller, so at least he could afford it.

“Cas, relax, I got this. I’m okay with this arrangement. I’m the one who set it up. It’s gonna be alright. Did you get all the boxes I shipped out with your things and Claire’s?”

“Yeah, I got them last night. Thank you for that.”

“No problem. I’m here to help. I can’t wait to see both of you.”

“We can’t wait to see you either. I’m losing my patience here.”

“Naomi’s still being Naomi, huh?”

“Yes.” Castiel sighed. “How’s Ben doing?”

“He’s still excited to be back home. We’ve been taking Dandy and Doug to the park. They’re getting along really well. It’s kind of funny seeing a tiny white Chihuahua walking next to our golden retriever. They make a fun, odd pair.”

Castiel laughed. “I’d love to see that. I miss our walks with Dandy. I’d give anything to have them back.”

“How about we go for a walk this Saturday? We won’t have Dandy, but she’ll be with us in spirit.”

This long-distance thing was way harder than Castiel could have ever imagined. For almost two years, Castiel always had Dean a few feet away from him. Right next door, or in his house. But now Dean was almost four thousand miles away from Castiel and that felt so strange and wrong. Very wrong. Dean shouldn’t be so far away.

“That sounds perfect,” Castiel said, voice going quiet. “I’m looking forward to our walk this Saturday.”

“I’m looking forward to kissing you again.”

“Me too.”

“I miss having you in my bed.”

“So do I.”

“I’m gonna rock your world tomorrow night.”

Castiel threw his head back in laughter. They were having such a sweet conversation that took a swift turn. “I’m definitely looking forward to _that_.”

“Bobby’s giving me a dirty look ‘cause I’m supposed to be working right now—I’ll get off the phone, just let me say goodbye to my boyfriend first. Sorry, Cas, but duty calls.”

“It’s alright. I’ll see you tomorrow. You sure you don’t want me to pick you up at the airport? There are, like, four cars at the house. I don’t know why my mom owns so many.”

“If I had that kinda money, I’d have four more Impalas, so I don’t really blame her.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, unable to wait until noon for his first one. He just hadn’t been expecting it to be due to Dean. “You don’t need four more Impalas, Dean. Get to work or Bobby won’t let you take Friday off, and then who will be rocking my world tomorrow night?”

“Oh, that’s right, you don’t have a cowboy to keep you warm at night like I do. You really don’t have anyone else to rock your world.”

“It’s a body pillow.”

“It’s fucking hot, it’s what it is. To answer your question, don’t worry about picking me up at the airport. I’m taking a cab. You have a lot to deal with as it is.”

“Okay, well, I’ll be waiting by the door.”

“Such a romantic. Bye, Cas.”

“Bye, Dean.”

Castiel allowed himself a full minute to remain on the couch, daydreaming about how lovely it would be to have Dean here tomorrow. He’d already started counting down the hours. Time was up way too soon, and now he had to go check on Naomi and Claire. He couldn’t leave them alone too long because he knew Claire would want to be picked up eventually, and Naomi couldn’t do that with a broken arm.

Luckily when he walked back into the kitchen, nothing had burned down. Naomi was still eating, and Claire was babbling on and on in a language of her own. Despite the frustrating situation he was in, he had to admit that Naomi was not a bad grandmother. She was good with Claire. She listened to her even when she spoke mostly nonsense. Claire could do nothing wrong in Naomi’s eyes. Unlike Castiel, who apparently did _everything_ wrong.

_Let it go, Castiel._

“Castiel, what did the boyfriend say?”

Castiel sat down at the table. “He sounded happy. He’s been taking a lot of walks with his son and our dogs. I miss him.”

“I didn’t ask you to be here,” Naomi said.

“I know, Mom. I wasn’t exactly complaining. I just wanted to share something with you.”

“You seem to be very attached to that man.”

“Well, I _am_ in love with him.”

Naomi gave him a strange look. Not judgmental, but curious. “Why did you never tell me you were gay?”

“I’m not gay,” Castiel said. “Okay, I am gay, but in the general sense. I haven’t found a label I’m comfortable with. I’ve always been open to falling in love with people of any gender. I don’t think I ever thought that meant I was gay at the time, but now I realize that I’ve never been straight.”

Naomi hummed. “I suppose we were never close enough for you to share these things with me.”

“No, Mom, I don’t think we were.”

“Well, I’m glad Claire is here. I hope she can trust me with more things that you did.”

Castiel hoped so, too.

Dinner was almost ready when the doorbell rang. It was one of those ridiculously long sounds that seemed to go on forever. Incredibly unnecessary, but Naomi had picked it out herself and she seemed to love it. 

Ever since two of Naomi’s friends had visited her on the first day she’d come home from the hospital, they hadn’t had any other guests. The women had stayed for less than an hour and left without promising to ever return. Castiel wasn’t sure why Naomi felt like she had to stick around in this city with people like this in her life. What was so good about Anchorage? Or Alaska, for that matter?

But Castiel had gotten tired of having that argument. Nowadays, Castiel tried his best to avoid having any argument at all with his mom. He’d never had to try this hard before in his life, which was saying a lot.

Castiel ran to the door because he knew who it was and his feet couldn’t move fast enough. Castiel threw the door open, beaming at Dean who was finally there, and he pulled him into his arms, clutching him like he hadn’t seen him in years rather than a week. Dean laughed, holding him just as tight, and then he laughed harder as Castiel’s hands drifted all the way to his ass.

“Hello to you, too,” Dean said into Castiel’s ear.

Castiel pulled Dean all the way inside, shutting the door and pressing him against it. He gripped Dean’s hips as he kissed him, licking his lips open. This wasn’t exactly what Castiel had planned as Dean’s greeting. He’d wanted to ask him about his flight and if he was tired and if he was hungry because Castiel had made pot roast and a chocolate pie, but Dean was irresistible sometimes. All of the time. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s neck, pulling him even closer as he kissed him back. Castiel pulled away only to kiss down Dean’s neck, a little slower now because he wanted to savor this.

“I didn’t know I’d be getting such a nice welcome today,” Dean said, his voice low and soft near Castiel’s ear.

Castiel smiled, pulling back slightly. “This is nothing compared to what I’ll do to you later.” And then he kissed him again, like a promise.

“I’ll hold you to that, Novak.”

Castiel leaned his forehead against Dean’s. “Are you hungry?”

“For you?”

Castiel chuckled. “No, for actual food. I made dinner.”

“Oh, well yeah. But the answer would have been yes either way.”

Castiel pressed a kiss to Dean’s temple. “Come on. Our daughter missed you, too. She’ll go crazy when she sees you.”

They found Naomi and Claire in the living room. They were tossing a red balloon back and forth to each other that Naomi had found and asked Castiel to blow up so they could play with it. But as soon as Claire noticed Dean, she abandoned the balloon on the floor and ran towards him, arms lifted and hands opening and closing, meaning she wanted to be carried. Dean picked her up immediately, tossing her a few feet in the air, which always made Claire giggle endlessly. Truth be told, it made Castiel nervous. He didn’t know how to loosen up when it came to Claire, but it was good that Dean did.

After filling Claire’s face with kisses, Dean sat down on the couch with her, digging through his duffle bag until he found a set of colorful drawings. Castiel sat beside him so he could see them, too. 

“Ben drew all these for you guys,” Dean said, handing two of them to Castiel and the other two to Claire. 

The drawings were really good. One of them was of Dandy and Doug, the other was of Castiel and Claire, the other was of Castiel, Amelia, and Claire, and the last one was of Scooby-Doo. He’d colored them in neatly, and had even signed all of them with his name. Ben had talent. Castiel recognized it after all the years he’d been with Amelia, who had taken him to countless art exhibits and shown him the works of hundreds of artists. Castiel had never really cared about art until he’d met Amelia. Now he always cherished art, no matter what shape or form it came in. This art was so beautiful and thoughtful. Castiel couldn’t believe that Ben had gone through all that trouble for him and Claire.

“He also wrote you a letter,” Dean said, handing that to Castiel as well.

Castiel couldn’t stop smiling as he read it.

_Dear uncle Cas,_

_I’m really sorry about aunt Amelia again. I know you loved her and I loved her too and she will never be forgotten. I really wish you were here so we could go swimming and so that I could meet Claire. Dad says Claire is really awesome and that she’s also his daughter so I wanted to know if that makes me Claire’s brother. If I am Claire’s brother, then I guess I’m her big brother. I never thought I’d be a big brother but I really like it now that I am one. I hope you’re doing okay in Alaska. I don’t really know what it’s like there, but dad says it’s not so bad. I think my dog Doug really likes your dog Dandy and maybe one day they’ll fall in love. Dad says you and him fell in love too and I think that’s nice because I really like you. I’m sure you miss your house, but don’t worry because dad and I are taking good care of it. We’re going on lots of walks with Doug and Dandy. If they ever have puppies can I have one? Dad says they’re too different to ever have puppies, but I still think it could happen. Anyway I gotta go cause I’m gonna eat dinner. Bye._

_Ben._

“My sweet boy,” Castiel whispered, pressing the letter to his chest. “I love this with all my heart. He’s amazing. I’m going to write him a letter back so you can take it with you.”

“Oh, he’ll _love_ that,” Dean said. 

Claire was still looking at the drawings, babbling as she pointed to the people and dogs in the picture. She was going on and on.

Dean grinned. “I think she likes them.”

“I’m going to frame them and hang them up in her room.”

“Did you get that new crib?” Dean wondered. 

“Yes.”

Dean gave him a look. “Did you figure out how to build it?”

“Of course, Dean. And it only took me five and a half hours.”

Dean snorted. “I told you I could build it when I got here.”

“I know, but I thought it would be nice for Claire to sleep in a nice crib again. We’d been sleeping in the same bed together, and I don’t think either of us liked that arrangement. She moves around a lot. I woke up with bruises a couple of days.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. “Oh, please, Claire wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Try sleeping in the same bed with her and then come talk to me.”

“Castiel is right.” That was Naomi. For a long moment, Castiel had forgotten that she was in the room. She did that a lot. She’d go very still and quiet all of a sudden.

Dean winced, like he’d forgotten she was there, too. “Hello, Mrs. Novak.”

“I’m not a Novak anymore,” Naomi said. “I’m a Milton.”

“Sorry,” Dean said. “Mrs. Milton.”

“Excuse me. It’s _Ms_. Milton.”

Castiel gave her a hard look. “Mom, be nice to Dean. He flew all this way just to see us.”

“He didn’t fly all this way to see _me_ , so why should I be nice to him?”

“Because I love him,” Castiel said.

Naomi gave a despaired sigh. “Well, I suppose that is a truth I must accept.”

“Nice seeing you, too, Ms. Milton,” Dean mumbled. “Anyway, Cas, you mentioned food?”

Grateful for the change of topic, Castiel led them all to the kitchen for dinner. 

“What’s for dinner, Castiel?” Naomi asked as soon as she wheeled herself to her usual spot at the head of the long, rectangular table.

“Pot roast,” Castiel said.

“I do not like pot roast. I wanted chicken today. Preferably seasoned lightly with garlic and cooked with butter. I would also like some pasta to go along with it.”

Castiel started filling the plates while Dean filled the glasses set out with sweet tea. Dean gave him a look that said he understood Castiel’s misery in actual purgatory, while Castiel pasted on a big, fake smile for his mother. “Mom, I already made pot roast. Do you think maybe you could eat it? I don’t think I can defrost a chicken right now just to make it for you.”

Naomi lifted an eyebrow. “Then you should order delivery from that restaurant I like so much. I will wait. I’m not so hungry.”

Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose, took a deep breath, and counted to ten. Having Dean’s hand on the small of his back was helping. “Alright, Mom. I will order you some dinner. Would you still like to join us at the table to _watch_ us eat the food you refuse to eat?”

“I think I will,” Naomi said, smiling cheerfully at Claire, who was wiggling in her high chair, her legs bouncing as she drank from her sippy cup. “I like being around my granddaughter.”

Castiel locked eyes with Dean, mouthed a silent _“Help me,”_ and did as Naomi said.

This was his life now.

**Dean**

While Castiel helped his mom out of the tub, Dean put Claire to bed. She was really energetic tonight, so getting her to lay down and stay still was almost as impossible as trying not to use the restroom on his ten hour flight had been. Eventually, after Dean read Claire two bedtime stories, sang quietly, and listened to her talking in her very own language for some time, Claire did fall asleep. Dean didn’t love that Claire had to use a store bought crib instead of the one he’d built for her. He knew that made him sound like a pretentious asshole because it made no difference to Claire which crib she slept in, but Dean had always wanted the very best for her. 

Then again, if Dean could have his way, Claire would be sleeping in the crib he’d built her in the nursery Amelia had painted for her. Not in Anchorage, Alaska, thousands of miles from home. But Dean had made his peace with this situation.

After kissing Claire’s forehead, Dean dimmed the lights in her room, and headed to Castiel’s room. He was in the middle of pulling down his jeans when Castiel walked in, jumping onto the bed on his back, letting out a loud groan. 

Dean offered him a soft smile. He knew how stressful taking care of Naomi was for Castiel. “You look tired.”

Castiel lifted himself up on his elbows, arching an eyebrow. “I’m not too tired for you.”

“You like what you see?” Dean slipped out of his jeans completely, and then proceeded to peel his shirt off. Now that he was clad in his boxer shorts, Dean did a little dance for Castiel that he seemed to like a lot more than he had expected. 

Castiel bit his lower lip. “Come here.”

Dean crawled on the bed up to his lap, smiling as Castiel dug his fingers into Dean’s ass. “We haven’t had a chance to catch up. How was your week?”

“Let’s talk later.” Castiel let go of Dean’s ass with one hand so he could pull Dean down by the neck and kiss him. They both fell on the bed like that. “I was promised that you’d rock my world tonight, remember?”

Dean chuckled, giving Castiel deep, languid kisses that had them both panting. “I do remember saying that.”

Suddenly, Castiel spun them until he was on top of Dean, lacing both of their hands, and lifting them above Dean’s head as he kissed him harder and rougher, bucking his hips so his growing erection rubbed against Dean’s. Dean moaned into Castiel’s mouth, arching his back to meet the press of Castiel’s hardening cock. Castiel pulled away from Dean’s mouth, his lips red and swollen, and then he trailed a set of open-mouthed kisses down Dean’s throat, nipping here and there with his teeth. It was a little sloppy, like he wanted this too badly he couldn’t think clearly anymore. 

When Castiel let go of Dean’s hands so he could feel up his body, Dean lifted Castiel’s shirt, and Castiel helped him remove it, ready to rip it apart when it took more than a couple of seconds. Once the shirt was finally off, Castiel threw it over his shoulder. Now Dean was the one running his hands over Castiel’s chest and stomach, inching lower and lower to the waistband of his pants, unbuttoning them.

Castiel had Dean’s left nipple in his mouth, doing wonderful things with his tongue. It was making it a lot harder for Dean to undress him when he kept having to shut his eyes and bang his head against the mattress, delirious with pleasure. But Dean did manage to unzip Castiel’s pants, and then he snaked his hand inside, taking hold of Castiel’s cock over his underwear. Castiel bit down around Dean’s nipple in response, and Dean swallowed a scream.

The bubbly sound of Castiel’s ringtone startled Dean, who had completely forgotten there were people other than him and Castiel in existence. Castiel didn’t seem at all bothered by it as he continued grinding his hips against Dean’s hand and sucking on Dean’s other nipple.

“Cas,” Dean gasped as Castiel bit down again, a lot harder this time. “The phone.”

“No,” Castiel said, gravel voice deep and commanding.

But the phone didn’t stop ringing. Dean couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the sound of the generic ringtone anymore, so he let go of Castiel’s cock and stared up at the ceiling, waiting for his breathing to even out.

Castiel groaned. “Why did you stop?”

“The phone is distracting me. You gotta get it.”

Castiel leaned his forehead against Dean’s shoulder as he blindly grabbed his phone from the nightstand. “Hello?”

Dean combed his fingers through the back of Castiel’s hair. 

“Alright,” Castiel said through gritted teeth. “I will get your tea, Mom. Yes, I’ll remember the milk this time. No, it won’t take me half an hour. Goodbye.” After hanging up, Castiel shot Dean a glare. “This is your fault for making me answer the phone.”

“Just go get the tea, Cas.”

“You’re going to stay right here, just like this, until I come back. You hear me?”

Dean’s mouth was suddenly dry. “Yes, sir.”

Castiel smirked. “Good.” He buttoned up his pants, hissing slightly, and then slipped back into his shirt, which had landed all the way on the other side of the room. 

Dean watched him until he left the room, and then he reached for his own phone. He rolled onto his stomach, pulling up Netflix so he could continue watching the next episode of _Schitt’s Creek_. He’d found the show absolutely hilarious and he was too emotionally invested in David and Patrick’s story. Maybe that was why he didn’t hear Castiel come back into the room, but he did feel him climb on top of him. 

“Hey, you’re back,” Dean said.

“And you didn’t stay where I told you to stay.”

Dean turned off _Schitt’s Creek_ , putting his phone back on the nightstand. “Are we slipping into BDSM now? I’ve never tried it before, but hey, I’m not complaining.”

“I don’t know enough about it to try it. But I think I like you better like this.” Castiel’s teeth dug into Dean’s asscheek over his boxer briefs and Dean yelped.

“You kinky son of a bitch.”

Castiel chuckled. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.” Then he flipped Dean over to his back. “Was...was that okay? Should I have asked beforehand?”

Dean smiled. “It was okay. I like it when you try out new things in bed. It’s always a nice surprise.”

Castiel licked his lips. “I hope after that long interruption you’re still in the mood because I really am.”

“Come here.” Dean pulled Castiel down, kissing him long and hard. “I’m always in the mood when it’s you.”

Castiel held Dean’s face as he kissed him again. Dean put his hand back in Castiel’s pants, this time grabbing Castiel’s cock without the layer of underwear in between. Castiel moaned, kissing Dean’s neck slowly, mirroring the slow movements of Dean’s hand. 

“Oh, I missed your hands,” Castiel said breathlessly.

“Just my hands?”

“No,” Castiel gasped. “No, everything. I missed all of you.”

“Me too.”

Castiel had just pulled down Dean’s underwear enough to free his cock and take it in his hand when the phone went off again. This time, the ringtone was like the scratching of two metals played on a loudspeaker. 

“Nooooo!” Castiel cried out.

“Fuck,” Dean said because Castiel’s hand was gone, and he was reaching for the phone again.

“Hello?” Castiel barked into the phone. “No, I am not angry, Mom. What do you need?”

Dean waited patiently for Castiel to get off the phone, yet again.

“Sure,” Castiel said, voice calmer now. “I will bring you the pain medication. No, Mom, it won’t take me that long. I will do it now. Yes. Goodbye.” Castiel looked at Dean with something like regret and embarrassment. “I’m sorry, Dean. I have to do this.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Dean said. “Go do what you gotta do.”

Castiel kissed the corner of Dean’s mouth. “Thank you for understanding.”

While Castiel was gone, Dean got under the covers. It was getting a little chilly in the house, and he was still only in his underwear. 

The entire week, Dean had worked all day only to come home and play with Ben, cook for them, take the dogs for a walk, wash the dogs, clean up after the dogs. That morning, he’d woken up at 4:30 to finish packing and catch his flight. Then he’d tried to swallow his fear on the long ass flight, his stomach turned to mush the entire time, which prevented him from eating a full meal. Then he’d arrived here to spend just a few hours with Claire and Castiel. And Dean loved all three of them so much that all of this was worth the exhaustion he was feeling now. But it was now close to midnight, and Dean was so warm under the blanket. He told himself that he’d close his eyes just for a few seconds, and then he’d be good to go when Castiel came back. He’d be more than ready to rock his world.

But the next time Dean opened his eyes, it was morning.

Dean was still on his side, and Castiel’s chest was pressed up against his back, his arm thrown over Dean’s middle. Dean stretched his limbs, rubbing his weary eyes. He couldn’t believe that he’d passed out when he’d told himself he’d stay up for Castiel. 

“Good morning.”

Dean turned onto his back, staring up at Castiel. He frowned. “Cas, I’m sorry I fell asleep last night.”

“Don’t apologize for being human. I’m sorry we kept getting interrupted.”

“It’s okay.” Dean touched Castiel’s bare chest, sliding his hand down his body. “You wanna try again right now?”

Castiel kissed Dean’s forehead. “I wish. I have to get started on breakfast. My mom will be up any second now. Can you check on Claire while I do that?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Castiel got out of bed, digging through the clothes in his closet before changing. He caught Dean staring and smirked. “Hey, stop looking at me like that. I told you there’s no time.”

“I can’t help it.”

Castiel changed quickly and then headed for the door. “I’m getting out of here before I change my mind.”

Dean blew him a kiss, and Castiel beamed in return.

Following his morning routine was a lot harder when all his crap was in his duffle bag instead of at his disposal in his room and bathroom. Dean went to check on Claire soon after, who was already awake, and he changed her diaper before taking her downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast. Naomi was already at the table, grimacing like the entire world had offended her, but as soon as she spotted Claire, her entire demeanor changed. Naomi looked at Claire like she was her only reason for smiling. And like smiling wasn’t something she was used to doing. That was probably true.

Dean sat Claire on her high chair beside Naomi and kissed the top of her head. “You hungry, baby girl?”

“Yeah,” Claire said, followed by a lot of other things that didn’t make sense.

Castiel set down a bowl full of yogurt and fruit, and a sippy cup with water. “Here you go, honey.”

“Look at you, so efficient,” Dean said to Castiel.

Naomi scoffed at that.

Dean bit his tongue to not say anything. He had a lot of plans with Castiel in his future and he didn’t want to piss off his mom, despite how awful she acted towards her son. 

“Do you need help?” Dean asked, following Castiel to the stove, where he was flipping pancakes. “No French toast?”

“I made them for you,” Castiel said, motioning to the plate with the stacked French toast on the counter. “But my mom doesn’t like French toast anymore for some inexplicable reason, so I’m making pancakes, too.”

Dean kissed Castiel’s shoulder. “You didn’t have to make them just for me. Thank you.” He noticed that the coffee was ready, so he grabbed a few mugs from the cabinet. “You want some coffee, Ms. Milton?”

“You don’t know how I take my coffee,” Naomi said. “I would rather have Castiel make it for me.”

“Mom, Dean is trying to be nice,” Castiel said. “I can tell him how you take your coffee so he can make it for you. I assure you it’ll taste the same.”

Naomi hummed. “I suppose.”

Dean locked eyes with Castiel, sympathizing. “How does she take her coffee?”

“Black,” Castiel said. “Three spoonfuls of sugar. But use the small spoons. If the sugar content is wrong, she’ll bite your head off.”

Dean snorted. “Got it.”

After making sure Naomi’s coffee was exactly how she liked it, Dean brought her the mug, offering her a smile. “Here you go, Ms. Milton. Is there anything else you want?”

Naomi used her good arm to reach for the coffee, taking a tentative sip. She didn’t look pleased or displeased by the taste, and she didn’t mention it either. “No. Whatever else I need I can ask Castiel. He’s my son. You’re not my son.”

“I think that’s a good thing,” Dean said. And then when she shot him a glare, he realized how that had sounded. “I mean, it’s a good thing that I’m not your son because then I couldn’t be with Cas because of incenst. You know? That’d be really weird. Don’t you think incest is weird? I mean, I know it happens, mostly with cousins. But I think it’s illegal, and the babies tend to come out with a lot of issues. I’m not getting anything from your face, so I’m just gonna shut up.”

“Please,” Naomi said.

Castiel set the plates with food on the table, throwing Dean a grateful smile. “Thanks for keeping my mom entertained while I finished breakfast. Maybe next time don’t ramble about incest, though.”

“Yeah, that was probably a bad idea,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck.

A small chuckle came out of Naomi’s lips. Dean almost couldn’t believe it.

They ate breakfast, and Dean didn’t ramble about taboo topics anymore. All things considered, it was a nice breakfast. Dean had really missed Castiel’s French toast. Well, Dean had missed having breakfast with Castiel and Claire most of all. The realization that this would be his only breakfast with them until the following Saturday was not great. He had to leave the following morning, so he wouldn’t get a chance to have breakfast with them. Dean would only get four breakfasts a month with them. Four. That was it. Meanwhile, Dean was sacrificing having any breakfasts with Ben to have only one breakfast a week with Castiel and Claire. Dean didn’t want to keep thinking about how shitty this entire thing was because this was what he’d decided he wanted to do. And if it sucked, then he would just have to deal with it.

Castiel asked them if they’d like to go to the farmer’s market to get out of the house and walk around. Naomi shut that down right away, but Castiel didn’t give up. She insisted that she could stay home alone while they all went, but Castiel didn’t think that was a good idea. It took a long time, but Naomi eventually must have gotten tired of Castiel’s pestering and said yes.

So, they all went to the local farmer’s market.

It was a nice day. Dean carried Claire on his shoulders since Claire refused to stay in her stroller and he didn’t want to chase her around. Claire kept banging her legs against his chest, her hands gripping his hair like he was a horse and she was leading him in the direction she wanted to go. Dean used to do this with Ben when he was her age. It would be so amazing for the two of them to meet. But Dean still hadn’t figured out if he should bring Ben with him next time he came, or if he should take Claire back with him when he left.

“Are you okay?” Castiel asked. He was looking at strawberries, trying to pick out the best ones. Castiel hadn’t even looked away from the fruits as he asked the question. He was just really observant, especially when it came to Dean.

“I was just thinking that I want Ben and Claire to meet,” Dean said. “But I’m trying to figure out how.”

“Excuse me,” Naomi said, wheeling herself between a group of people. She’d drifted away to look at the wood art on a different stand. But she had little patience for anyone getting in her way. Or for anyone in general.

Castiel glanced up at Dean, lifting a shiny red strawberry to his face. “Nice, right?”

“Yeah, looks good.”

Castiel put the strawberry in the bag he was filling up. “Dean, I know this isn’t easy on you. Being away from Ben and then being away from Claire can’t be the life you wanted. I want to accommodate you as much as I can. Do you want to take Claire to Oklahoma City with you for a week? Because if that’s what you’re asking, you know you can. She’s your daughter.”

Dean already knew that, but it was nice to be reminded anyway. “I would love to take Claire with me, but with work, I’d have to leave her with someone. Last time during your tour, Ellen took care of her. But she works late nights, so I don’t wanna make her life more difficult. Maybe I could bring Ben next weekend with me.”

“That works, too,” Castiel said, picking out a few more strawberries. “Do you think Lisa will be okay with that?”

“She better be,” Dean said. “Ben is my son. I’m gonna be his legal guardian in a few months. Besides, Lisa has been oddly nice lately. Nothing like before. She’s been coming to dinner every evening. It’s easy being around her nowadays. We’ve even sat out back and had a few beers.”

Castiel turned to Dean, raising an eyebrow. “That’s just...fantastic.”

Dean stared at Castiel for a long moment. “You’re not jealous, are you?”

Castiel scoffed. “Why should I be jealous of your long term ex-girlfriend who gets to be with you far more than I do?”

“I guess when you put it that way it doesn’t sound so great.”

“Ignore me,” Castiel said, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t be this petty. You know that I trust you completely.”

Dean did know that. “I get it, Cas. I wish you were back home, too. I’d rather have a beer with you than her.”

Castiel paid for the strawberries, and then smiled up at Dean. “It’s good that you’re getting along with Lisa. If that woman ever mistreats you, you tell me, and I will defend your honor.”

Dean fluttered his eyelashes. “My knight in shining armor.”

Castiel smiled.

Dean turned to find Naomi still at the same stand, arguing about prices. As if she didn’t have enough money to pay for whatever price the artist was asking for. “She’s a handful, isn’t she?”

Castiel gave a long sigh. “Understatement.” He tugged on one of Claire’s feet. “Are you having fun, honey?”

Claire pulled on Dean’s hair enough to make him wince. 

“I think that’s a yes,” Dean said. “Go easy with the hair, baby girl. I’m not old enough to have a bald spot yet. What if your dad leaves me for a man with better hair?”

Castiel threw his head back in laughter. “ _Oh, yeah_. Take care of your hair. The moment it starts thinning out, it’s over. That’s a dealbreaker, Winchester.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

It was a good day at the farmer’s market.

**Castiel**

It was late at night during the week. Castiel was tired and wanting nothing more than to go to bed, but Naomi wanted a snack, so Castiel was in the kitchen making her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Without the crusts, of course. Naomi wasn’t only high maintenance, she was rude and inconsiderate. But she was his mom and she was in a lot of pain and Castiel had chosen to be here, taking care of her. 

So, he digressed.

Castiel brought Naomi the sandwich and a glass of milk because he knew she would ask for it. He’d gotten to know her a lot better in these past few weeks than he had in his youth. When he walked into her room, Naomi was already asleep under the covers, snoring quietly.

That was just like Naomi. Making him stay up to make her a snack, but falling asleep before Castiel even finished making it. Castiel was so tired, though, that he decided to sit down at the edge of her bed to eat the sandwich and drink the milk. He slumped his shoulders, feeling like absolute shit. Maybe it was just because he was about five minutes away from passing out, but he wasn’t feeling great about his life at the moment. He’d been nothing but miserable living here. And it wasn’t like he was doing it to get something in return, but having some sort of appreciation from his own mother would be nice. It would make his sacrifices feel like they mattered. 

After eating the sandwich, Castiel set the empty plate on the nightstand and gulped down the milk. He noticed the bottom nightstand drawer was half open, and a book was sticking out. Castiel picked it up, only to find a copy of his first book. It was a paperback and the spine was deeply cracked. It was a worn copy, well read. For a second, Castiel thought he was already asleep and dreaming because this felt so unlikely. Naomi had always claimed to not be interested in anything Castiel wrote. She’d never supported his choice to become an author. Never even believed he’d do it. And it had taken him a lot of years and hard work, but he’d done it.

And...Naomi had read his book. 

Castiel flipped through the pages, letting out a gasp when he saw what he would have never believed he’d find if he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes. Naomi had written comments and underlined a lot of lines. Many of the comments were compliments to him, although there were many where all she did was complain and point out things Castiel had done wrong, and even went as far as writing suggestions on how to do it better. That made Castiel smile. He was unbelievably touched that Naomi had even read his book, let alone comment on it. She’d cared enough to mark it up all the way through.

It was probably the most thoughtful thing Naomi had ever done for Castiel, and she was likely never going to tell him about it. Castiel spent some time reading through her comments, laughing quietly at them because he read them in her stern voice. She had good ideas, honestly. Her average comment was just that the book was too scary for her liking, and she wished he’d written something in a different genre, like romance. There was some romance in Castiel’s books, but it was never the focus of the story. He might be a romantic in real life, but not when it came to his books. Well, not until Dean pointed out the obvious romantic undertones in _Angel On the Run_ , and he’d decided to expand upon it on the upcoming sequel, which he hadn’t even started working on yet.

Castiel reached the end of the book to find that Naomi had filled the last blank page with a note.

_Castiel,_

_You are a talented writer. I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m glad you didn’t listen to me and went after your dreams. I’ve always respected that about you. You make me proud._

Castiel turned to look at Naomi, who was sleeping so peacefully. Her frown lines were gone only when she slept. Castiel knew that Naomi had never known how to be affectionate towards pretty much anyone, much less her children. But it was good to know that she did care about Castiel and his career, and that she didn’t begrudge him the fact that he’d left at eighteen to live his own life away from his family. This was all Castiel had been looking for. Approval. And now that he had it, he felt a thousand times better.

Castiel smiled at his sleeping mother. He put the book back in the drawer, shutting it close. Then, he did something that he’d never done before. He bent down and kissed his mother’s forehead. 

Naomi stirred, but didn’t wake up.

“Goodnight, Mom,” he whispered.

Friday couldn’t come fast enough. 

This time when the doorbell rang, Castiel opened the door to Dean _and_ Ben. Castiel knelt down to hug Ben tight. Despite having spoken to him on the phone during the week, it was nothing compared to getting to see him in person. 

Castiel kissed the top of Ben’s head. “Hello, honey.”

“Hi, Uncle Cas,” Ben said. “You look the same.”

Castiel laughed. “I can’t say the same about you. You got a lot taller. How are you so tall? You’re not even eight yet.”

“I’m gonna be eight in a few months!”

Castiel glanced up at Dean, who was beaming at the two of them. “That’s right. It’s coming up at the end of July, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I wanna go camping!” Ben said.

“Camping?” Castiel asked, wrinkling his nose. “You liked that?”

“Yeah, it was _awesome_ ,” Ben said. 

Castiel stood up, kissing Dean’s cheek. “How was your flight?”

“Don’t ask,” Dean said, giving him a pained look.

“Where’s Claire?” Ben asked.

“Claire’s with my mom. They’re watching cartoons in the living room.”

“I wanna watch cartoons,” Ben said.

“Let’s go.” Castiel led the way to the living room. 

As soon as Claire spotted Dean, she flipped to her stomach on the couch, and slid all the way down until her feet touched the floor and then bolted up to him. Dean caught her in his arms, kissing her face just like always. 

Ben was jumping up and down. “Hi, Claire! Hi, Claire!”

Dean walked Claire to the couch and sat her on his lap. He glanced at Naomi with a friendly smile. “Hey, Ms. Milton. It’s nice to see you again.”

Naomi raised an eyebrow. “I suppose.”

Castiel sat down beside Dean. “Ben, this is Claire. Claire, meet Ben.”

Ben giggled, poking one of Claire’s cheeks. “How old are you, Claire?”

Claire was staring at him, mouth open. “No,” she said.

“She’s about a year and a half,” Castiel said. “She only knows a few words. I think her favorite is no.”

Ben looked back at Castiel. “Does she know I’m her big brother?”

“Yes, of course,” Castiel said, grinning.

Ben raised his hand. “Can you give me a high five, Claire?”

And Claire did. Dean had taught her how.

Ben got really excited about that. “Did you see that? She gave me a high five! I think that means she likes me.”

“Oh, kiddo, she loves you,” Dean said. “You wanna play with her? She likes throwing the balloon back and forth. Maybe you can toss it to her.”

“Okay,” Ben said, going up to Naomi to grab the balloon that she was holding. “Hi. Can I have the balloon?”

Naomi stared at him. “What’s your name, child?”

“I’m Ben. I’m almost eight.”

“Very well,” Naomi said, handing him the balloon.

Castiel and Naomi had had a long conversation the previous day where he made her promise to be nice to Ben because he was important to both Castiel and Dean. His main concern was that she would be bothered by Ben being loud, or running around, and she would yell at him. Naomi hadn’t seemed too happy about agreeing to that, but at least she was making an effort now. Castiel knew from experience that Naomi didn’t particularly like children. She’d never liked it whenever Anna and Castiel behaved as children. Ever. But if Castiel was going to be here, looking after Naomi, she would need to abide by _his_ rules.

Ben and Claire started tossing the balloon back and forth. It was really sweet seeing them both giggling with every throw. Claire got really excited every time she missed the balloon and had to run after it. Ben was patient with her since it took her some time to run for it and come back to her spot to pass it back to him.

Castiel threw an arm around Dean’s shoulders, drawing him in to kiss his temple. “I’m glad you’re finally here.”

“Yeah, me too.” Dean grabbed Castiel’s hand and started playing with it. “It’s nice to see the two of them together.”

Castiel smiled. “I know.”

“Ben is your son?” Naomi asked, although she knew the answer.

Dean nodded. “Yes, Ms. Milton. Ben is my son.”

“Where is his mother?” 

“In Oklahoma City,” Dean answered. “She lives next door to us. Well, to me.”

Naomi tilted her head. “Were you married to her?”

Dean sighed. “No, ma’am. We never got married.”

“Hmm. Are you against marriage?”

Dean shifted on the couch and his hand stopped moving against Castiel’s. “No. I’m not against marriage. We just never got married.”

Naomi raised an eyebrow. “Living with a romantic partner outside of marriage is a sin.”

There it was. Castiel had also asked Naomi to leave out her strict religious views out of any conversation involving Dean, mostly out of fear that she would say something homophobic. This was somehow just as bad. The harsh judgment was still there.

“Mom, leave Dean alone,” Castiel said. “Please.”

“I’m really thirsty,” Dean said, standing up. “I’m gonna get some water. I’ll be right back.” Dean made his exit as fast as possible.

Castiel glared at Naomi. “What the hell was that about?”

“You said this man was important to you,” Naomi said. “I’m simply attempting to get to know him better.”

“By harassing him with extremely personal questions and passing judgment?”

“If he didn’t marry the mother of his child,” Naomi said, “then he won’t marry you. Is that what you want?”

“Mom, stay out of our relationship. We don’t need your input.”

Naomi pursed her lips, frowning at Ben and Claire, who were still playing with the balloon. Castiel knew that she was upset, but he didn’t care. She had no right to butt into things that were completely not her business. Castiel’s relationship with Dean was the most solid thing in Castiel’s life. A marriage certificate wouldn’t solidify it any more.

Castiel and Dean took turns reading Ben and Claire two bedtime stories. All four of them lay on the king size bed in the spare room where Claire’s crib was. Dean and Castiel were on the ends of the bed, with the kids tucked together in the middle. Ben and Claire seemed to have grown attached in the short hours they’d spent together, so they were lying close to each other. Ben kept turning to Claire and asking her what she thought of what was happening in the story, and he smiled when Claire babbled her usual nonsense. 

“I like her,” Ben said to Castiel. “She’s really funny.”

Castiel combed back Ben’s hair. “She likes you, too.”

“Can we jump on the bed?” Ben asked.

“Guys, you’re supposed to be going to sleep,” Dean said. “You can jump on the bed tomorrow. If you start doing it, Claire will want to do it, too.” 

Castiel tossed Dean a look. “Actually, no one should be jumping on the bed. It’s dangerous.”

“You’re right,” Dean amended. “Listen to Cas.”

Castiel had noticed that Claire liked to do everything Ben did. She had been trailing behind him all afternoon, mimicking him down to his facial expressions. She clearly looked up to him already. It would be a lot harder for her to say goodbye to not only Dean, but to Ben as well.

Ben sighed. “Okay.”

Castiel continued reading the book.

“Uncle Cas?” Ben asked, interrupting him again.

Castiel didn’t mind the interruptions. “Yes?”

“Are you gonna be my stepdad?”

Castiel turned to Dean, eyes wide, unsure how to answer that. “Um…”

Dean looked just as taken aback. “Why do you ask, kiddo?”

“Mom said you probably would,” Ben said with a shrug. “I was just wondering.”

Castiel tried to read Dean’s face to know exactly what to answer, but Dean wasn’t giving him anything. “Would...would you like me to be your stepdad?”

“Yeah,” Ben said easily. “You’re a good uncle. So I think having you as my stepdad would be cool.”

Castiel couldn’t help but smile. “Ben, you can see me as whatever you want to see me. Just know that I love you very much.”

“Okay,” Ben said. “But I can still be Claire’s big brother, right?”

“Absolutely,” Castiel said.

“It’s getting late,” Dean said. “Let’s finish up the book and get Claire to her crib.”

“I get to sleep in this big bed?” Ben asked.

“That’s right,” Castiel said. “You’ll stay here with Claire. As her big brother, you’re going to protect her from any nightmares. Like one of those dreamcatchers.”

“How will I do that?” Ben asked.

“Easy. You just have to wish her goodnight. That’s all it takes when you’re a big brother.”

“Whoa, really? Okay. Goodnight, Claire.”

“No,” Claire said, giving Ben another high five.

This time, Castiel was able to finish reading the book and then Dean put Claire in her crib, kissing the top of her head. Then he did the same to Ben. Castiel watched as Dean tucked both of the kids in bed, wondering how he got so lucky to be with someone as wonderful as Dean, who was a fantastic father on top of all the other amazing qualities in him. Castiel would never fail to be amazed by Dean.

“Goodnight, Dad,” Ben said. “Goodnight, Uncle Cas.”

“Goodnight,” Dean said.

“Goodnight, kids,” Castiel said. 

Dean dimmed the lights and then shut the door behind him.

Castiel gave Dean a high five of his own. On the lips. Dean smiled back at him, and then Castiel pulled him by the hand to his room. When they got there, Castiel sat Dean on his bed, pulling out the massage oil from his nightstand drawer.

“I know you’ve been really tired lately, so I wanted to give you a massage,” Castiel said. “Lay down on your stomach.”

“A massage?” Dean asked, looking impressed. “No one’s ever given me a massage before.” But Dean didn’t waste any time as he shrugged out of his shirt and jeans and lied down on the bed.

“I have to warn you that I’m no expert, but I think I’ve gotten to know your body enough lately to know how you like to be touched.” Castiel threw a leg over Dean, sitting comfortably on his ass. It was better than a pillow, honestly.

“You _are_ pretty good with your hands,” Dean said, voice muffled on the bed.

Castiel got the oil on his hands and on Dean’s back before he started squeezing his shoulders. Dean groaned immediately, flexing his back muscles, which looked gloriously shiny slithered with oil. “Feel good?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Good. Just relax. I want to make you feel good.”

The room started smelling like peppermint, which was truly the only scent that mattered in the world, and Castiel continued pressing and squeezing Dean’s back, shoulders, arms, even his ass, which surely required a nice massage as well. Castiel had been meaning to do this for Dean for a long time. Dean had a physical job that, although he loved, always wore him out. Castiel hardly got a chance to do physical labor other than cleaning and cooking at home, so his hands were soft and uncalloused and he knew that he could bring Dean pleasure in ways other than sex. This seemed to be a pretty good alternative.

Castiel was just about to ask Dean if he wanted him to keep going when he heard his soft snores. Castiel smiled, glad that he was able to relax Dean enough for him to pass out in the middle of the massage. He climbed off of Dean and threw the blanket over him before going to the bathroom to wipe his hands clean of the oil. Then he went back to bed, lying on his side to look at Dean’s sleeping face, a line of drool already forming.

Castiel allowed himself to think about marriage. Marriage with Dean. He had no doubts about Dean, and he was sure that Dean didn’t have doubts about him either. Marriage wouldn’t necessarily change their relationship. Castiel knew that they didn’t need that piece of paper to prove that their love was long lasting.

But marriage wasn’t just a piece of paper to show off their love. It was something legal. It would grant Dean the ability to become Claire’s stepfather legally. It would allow them to file their taxes together. If they ever had any health-related emergency, they would be allowed full access to each other. Being married would bring them both a certain reassurance that they wouldn’t have otherwise.

On top of that, Castiel would be able to refer to Dean as his husband. 

_This is my husband, Dean._

That sounded perfect. Yeah, marriage was something that Castiel wanted with Dean. He wanted to be tied to Dean in every way possible. Marriage was the highest type of union two people could have.

And Castiel wanted that with Dean. 

Would Dean want that with Castiel, too?

**Dean**

Dean and Sam walked together. 

Dean was holding a bouquet of blue tulips and Sam was holding white roses. They approached the familiar area at the cemetery where Amelia was buried. Dean was able to spot her headstone from a mile away. He’d been here so many times by himself, but he’d asked Sam if he could come with him this time. It had been almost two months since Castiel moved to Alaska, and Dean was growing more and more weary the more weeks passed. It felt as though the only time he ever had to rest was on his flights, but it was never a great rest considering he was in terrifying heights, half wondering if that would be the flight that crashed and killed him.

Dean was just _so tired_. But he wanted to visit Amelia. His old friend. And he’d needed Sam to drive him in order not to risk falling asleep at the wheel. He hadn’t slept much the past few nights because Ben had caught a stomach bug and Dean had stayed up with him. Some nights he stayed at his house, and others at Lisa’s. It was easier that way. But Dean hadn’t accounted for Ben to be sick during his nights with Dean. Not that Dean minded, but he felt too drained to keep his head up.

He sat down on the cool grass in front of Amelia’s headstone, placing the flowers in front of it. Sam did the same thing, sitting close beside Dean. 

Dean brushed his fingers over Amelia’s name. It was the only thing he knew to do to make him feel close to her. His mom had been cremated and her ashes had been spread in a lake where John had liked to go fishing. So Dean always cherished his moments here with Amelia. He was glad that at least he had some kind of physical place where he could visit and be close to her. Sometimes, he could even hear her voice in his head, clear as day.

“Thanks for coming with me, Sammy,” Dean said, quietly. His eyelids were heavy despite having had three cups of coffee before coming here.

“No problem,” Sam said. “I really think you should be in bed right now, though.”

Dean shook his head, and even that was exhausting. “I wanted to visit Amelia. I miss her so much. I just...I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you mean?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this,” Dean whispered. This was a forbidden thought. Something he’d been keeping inside for some time. He was too afraid to speak it out loud in front of Jody and especially Castiel. Dean didn’t want to speak it because then it would be true.

“Are you talking about this crazy arrangement you have where you fly every weekend to Anchorage? Because if so, I agree. Dean, you’re killing yourself. You shouldn’t keep doing this. There has to be another way.”

Dean sighed. “No, there isn’t. I wish I could be stronger. I’m fucking weak, Sammy.”

“You’re not weak, Dean. You’re human. You need rest and sleep and you’re not getting enough of those things.”

Dean ignored him. “I miss you, Amelia. You always knew the best things to say.”

“If Amelia was here, she would agree with me,” Sam said.

“If Amelia was here, she would have moved to Alaska with Cas. I can’t do that. So, it’s either keep doing this, or fail him. And I can’t fail him. I just can’t. He’s my family.”

Sam put his arm around Dean’s shoulders. “I think you need to talk to him. He’ll understand.”

“You really think so?”

“Of course. Castiel loves you. That’s all you need to make things work.”

Dean leaned his head against Sam’s shoulder. He feared he would pass out any second. “Why am I so tired? When I was younger I could go weeks with little sleep.”

“You’re not a teenager anymore. And you’ve been traveling a ridiculous amount for the past two months. You haven’t had a single day off. That’s a recipe for disaster.”

“I really miss her, Sammy. I miss her a lot.”

“I know you do, Dean. I miss her, too.”

“I promised her I’d take care of Cas and Claire. And I always keep my promises.”

“You won’t break her promise by taking care of yourself, too.”

Taking care of himself? Dean wasn’t sure how to do that. It was a foreign concept. Jody had tried to talk to him about self-care countless times, but it seemed to be one of those things that had never really stuck. Dean had a habit of putting everyone ahead of himself. He didn’t know how to put himself first. Ever. How would he even start?

“How would I even start?” Dean asked out loud.

“You can start by letting me drive you home so you can sleep.”

“I have to fly to Alaska in the morning.”

“Don’t go. Stay here.”

Dean was too tired to argue. “Let’s go home. It’s cold here.”

“Dean, it’s summer. We’re in the high 90s.”

Dean realized he hadn’t felt the heat at all. Everything was cold around him. And when Sam touched his forehead, he flinched. 

“Dean, you’re burning up. I think you have a fever. We really need to get you home.”

Dean didn’t have it in himself to argue any longer. “Okay. Bye, Amelia. I’ll come back again soon.”

When Dean was back in the passenger seat of Sam’s car, the shivers started. Dean had full body chills with a side of teeth chattering. Closing his eyes, Dean wrapped his arms around himself, searching blindly for a blanket that didn’t materialize. 

“It’s fucking cold, Sammy. Turn up the heat.”

“I’m not gonna turn up the heat. That won’t help your fever.”

Dean opened his eyes only to give Sam a sideways glare that he completely ignored. They made it back to Dean’s house in a flash, or maybe Dean had passed out during most of the drive, but it felt like only a few seconds had gone by. Sam opened his door and helped him inside, leading him all the way to his bed, where Dean immediately burrowed himself under his comforter, wanting nothing but to warm up.

“Dean, you can’t cover up while you have a fever,” Sam said, yanking the blanket away. “I’m bringing you some Tylenol and water. And I’m taking the blanket.”

“Fuck you, Sammy.” It came out as a whisper because Dean was so tired he didn’t have enough energy to yell.

Dean took the Tylenol and drank the full glass of water, and then hid his hands under his pillow since it was the only thing he had available to give him warmth. With the shivers and chills, he still managed to lose consciousness somehow.

Dean woke up only to throw up on the side of his bed. He threw up what felt like days worth of meals. And then some more. He was dry-heaving for what felt like a small eternity. But he was so tired that he didn’t care about the mess he’d made.

Sam ran into the room, wincing when his eyes landed on the vomit. “I’ll clean that up.”

“I need water,” Dean said.

“On the nightstand.”

Dean turned to see a full glass of water, and he downed the entire thing in three gulps. His stomach was in pain, but at least the chills had stopped. He wanted his blanket. He was so tired. Why had he woken up?

Sam returned with cleaning supplies and knelt down to wipe the floor clean. Dean felt too shitty to feel embarrassed about the disgusting mess. Besides, he’d cleaned up after Sam plenty of times as kids. John was never there to take care of them. So maybe it was okay to let Sam clean up after him, just this once.

“Are you feeling any better?” Sam asked, touching a cold hand to Dean’s forehead. 

“I want my blanket. I think I deserve my blanket.”

“Alright. Let me get it for you.”

“Thanks.”

Sam did bring him back his blanket, and Dean was glad to be able to burrow himself under it again. “I think you caught whatever Ben had.”

“Probably.” And then Dean sat up in bed. “Sam, I can’t be sick. What day is it? What time is it? My flight was on Friday at 6 am. Did I miss it?”

“It’s still Thursday, Dean.” Sam sat on the bed, pushing Dean back down. “You’re not flying out tomorrow. I’m calling Castiel to let him know not to expect you this weekend. Just worry about getting better. I’m also gonna bring a bucket in case you need to puke again. Try to aim inside the bucket only, for my sake.”

Dean covered his face with his hands. “Fuck, I can’t miss a weekend with Cas and Claire. I can’t do this to them.”

“Dean, come on. Even if you did manage to make it there, you’d be sick in bed all weekend. How is that any better than being sick in bed here? I’m gonna stay here to make sure you’re okay. Go to sleep. Rest. You need it.”

Dean let out a shaky breath. His head was spinning, so he kept his eyes shut. “Thanks, Sammy. Tell Cas I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be sorry. I’ll be right out there if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay.”

And then, he passed out again.

**Castiel**

Castiel had just gotten started on dinner while Claire tried out the new toys Naomi had ordered for her online. Castiel had told Naomi that she shouldn’t spoil Claire with so many things, but Naomi hadn’t listened. At least they were both too entertained to bother Castiel while he chopped vegetables.

His phone, though, hadn’t gotten the memo. He knew it was really late in Oklahoma, so it was rare for Dean to call now. But he had missed his earlier call to Castiel, so he had an inkling that maybe it was him.

When he saw Sam’s name on the screen, Castiel grew worried.

“Sam?”

“Hey, Castiel. Are you busy right now?”

Castiel looked down at the mess on the counter. “Not at all. What’s going on?” Castiel abandoned the vegetables and leaned on the counter, giving Sam his full attention.

“I think we need to talk.” Sam sounded somber. In all the years he’d known him, Sam had rarely used that tone of voice with Castiel. Only when the topic involved Dean.

“I’m listening.”

“Dean isn’t doing well,” Sam started. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the guy has been stretching himself thin for the past couple of months. I’m sure he’s been trying to hide most of this from you because he’s worried that you’ll think he’s failing you. I think you can agree that Dean doesn’t know how to take care of himself. But I think today he reached his limit. We were at the cemetery visiting Amelia when I realized he had a fever. I think he caught a bug from Ben. He spent the last few days taking care of him, and he hasn’t slept at all. That probably didn’t help either.” Sam sighed deeply. “I’m calling to tell you that he’s not flying out this weekend. And as much as I care about you and Claire, I would hope that you understand that Dean can’t keep doing this. He’s too stubborn and self-suffering to accept that he needs to think about himself, too.”

Castiel ran a hand through his hair, feeling like utter crap. “How is he doing? Can I talk to him?”

“He’s sleeping. I just thought you should know the truth. I knew this plan was bound to fail from the start, and I’m gonna do whatever I can to get Dean to slow down. I hope I can count on you to have my back on this.”

“Of course,” Castiel said quickly. “Sam, I’m so sorry. I’ve noticed Dean’s exhaustion, but I’ve been so fucking selfish to do anything about it. I’ve tried to accommodate him here as much as possible, but obviously that’s not enough. I’ll talk to him tomorrow after he gets some rest. I’m going to put an end to this arrangement. He can’t keep doing this. I should have known from the start that we couldn’t keep this up for too long.”

Sam sighed. “That’s all I needed to hear. I knew I could count on you.”

“I feel so foolish for going along with all of this.”

“It’s alright. You and Dean both had the best intentions. I’m sure neither of you thought this plan would backfire so badly.”

Castiel closed his eyes, feeling five inches tall. “I’m going to fix this, Sam. I swear I will.”

“I believe you. Listen, I gotta let you go. I’m gonna check on Dean.”

“Please keep me updated.”

“Sure.”

As soon as Castiel got off the phone, he called Anna. It was rare for Anna to pick up the phone whenever Castiel called because of her odd shifts at the hospital, but Castiel must have some good luck because she answered on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Anna, I need to talk to you and Mom. Do you have some time? It’s urgent.”

“Yeah, I always have time for you, kid. What’s going on?”

Castiel was already making his way to the living room. “Hang on a second. I’m putting you on speaker.” Castiel motioned for Naomi to follow him to the couch. She left Claire on the carpet to continue playing with her toy cars while she moved closer to him. “Mom, I have Anna on the phone.”

“Hi, Mom,” Anna said.

“Hello, Anna,” Naomi said.

Castiel hadn’t had any time to think about what he was going to say, but he knew exactly what he wanted to say. He’d made up his mind instantly.

“I know before I said I would stay in Anchorage indefinitely to take care of Mom, but things have changed,” Castiel said. “When I made that decision, I put Dean in a difficult spot. I thought it made sense for me to move here because my job gives me a certain freedom that Anna doesn’t have. But I forgot to take into consideration that I don’t have the type of freedom I thought I did. I don’t want to have that freedom. I like belonging somewhere, with someone.” Castiel swallowed. “I just got off the phone with Dean’s brother, who has informed me that Dean is really sick, and I hate to think that all of these roundtrips to visit us are a big reason for that. Dean might not be my husband, but he’s still my partner and Claire’s father, and we can’t keep living over three thousand miles away from him. So, we need to figure out another solution because Claire and I need to go home.”

Castiel wasn’t sure what he was expecting from Naomi and Anna, but he needed to get it all off his chest before he lost momentum.

Naomi did the strangest thing. She smiled. At him.

“Finally,” Anna said. 

“What?” Castiel asked.

“Mom and I were wondering when you would finally realize that you have no business being in Alaska when your entire life is in Oklahoma. Castiel, we hate to ruin the surprise, but Mom and I came up with a solution of our own a few weeks ago.”

Castiel blinked. “What?”

“Anna is correct,” Naomi said. “You may not realize it, but I do pay attention, Castiel. I have come to admire that boyfriend of yours for all of the sacrifices he’s made for you and my granddaughter. I’ve also noticed how upset it makes the both of you every time he flies back home. So I made the decision to sell this house and move to Seattle with Anna.”

Castiel’s jaw dropped. “Mom, are you serious?”

“Yes,” Naomi said. “This house has always been too big for me. I’ve never truly liked it. And Anna has mentioned quite a few times how much she wishes I spent more time with her.” Naomi grinned. “So, now she gets to have me around all the time.”

“That’s right,” Anna said. “But since I still have my demanding job, I hired a full time nurse who will take care of Mom while I’m at work. So, there you go. Problem solved. We were waiting until the house was sold to give you the good news, but you beat us to it. There’s a bidding war going on, which has slowed down the selling process, but I’m sure it’ll get resolved in the following week.”

Castiel was speechless. He was so unbelievably grateful that his mom and sister had taken Dean into consideration. He knew that he should have done that from the start, but he’d been blinded by the guilt he felt when he thought he’d lose his mom. And then he was too afraid to stick up for himself. But tonight had been the last straw. Castiel had no more hesitation because he wouldn’t allow Dean to sacrifice himself any longer.

“Thank you,” Castiel finally said. “Both of you.”

“Pack your bags, kid. You’re going home.”

Castiel hadn’t been able to communicate with Dean over the phone because, according to Sam, Dean was sleeping all day. When Dean wasn’t asleep, he was puking out everything he took in, which was weakening him and leading to more sleep. So, instead of trying to call Dean anymore, Castiel decided to give him the news in person instead.

Castiel only waited three days for the house to sell before he booked his and Claire’s ticket. Anna had flown in to help Naomi pack up the house and then take her to Seattle. But Castiel had somewhere else to be, so he wished them a safe trip and promised to visit soon, and then he and Claire were off to Oklahoma City.

The flight felt endless. All Castiel could think about was seeing Dean again and never having to leave his side again. He was more sure than ever that he wanted to be married to Dean. Most importantly, Castiel wanted to return to the house that had been the only real home he’d ever had in his life. It was the home that gave him a family. First with Amelia, and now with Dean and Claire. 

It was late in the afternoon when the flight landed. Castiel got a cab to take them home. After staying up the entire flight, Claire was now suddenly tired. She fell asleep in her car seat. Castiel had wanted her to be awake to greet Dean, but she needed the rest. 

Castiel’s heart was hammering against his ribcage the moment the cab turned onto his street. He could spot his house from there, as well as the Impala and his truck. His hands were sweating. He was nervous and filled with anticipation. It was because he knew that when he saw Dean again, he’d never have to say another long goodbye to him. 

The cab parked on the street and Castiel paid him. He only brought one suitcase with him. He’d shipped the rest of his and Claire’s belongings. 

Castiel walked up the stairs of his front porch with Claire asleep in her car seat, and just as he was about to unlock the door with his keys, Sam opened the front door. He was carrying a bag full of trash.

“Castiel. You’re here.”

Castiel smiled. “I’m here.”

“What happened? Is your mom alright?”

“Yes, everyone’s alright. Claire and I are moving back home.”

Sam tossed the trash bag on the ground by his feet and pulled Castiel into his arms. “Thank fucking God. I was hoping you would.”

“I told you I’d fix it, Sam.” Castiel pulled away. “This is where Claire and I need to be.”

Sam nodded, stepping aside. “I didn’t mean to block the door. Go ahead. Dean’s in his room. He’s still sick, but I’m sure he’ll make a full recovery when he sees you two. I gotta go take out the trash.”

Castiel walked directly to the room, leaving his suitcase at the entrance. He was surprised not to see Dandy greeting him at the door, but when he opened their bedroom door, she came running towards him, standing on her hind legs to lick his face.

“Hello, girl,” Castiel said, laughing as he tried to push her away gently.

“Cas,” Dean said from the bed. He looked a little pale as he leaned against the headboard. He looked slimmer too, like he hadn’t had a full meal in days. But his face lit up when he saw them, and his smile was contagious.

“Dean.” Castiel set the car seat down on the bed, sitting on the edge of it to draw Dean in. He held the back of Dean’s head carefully in his hands as he pulled him close, unsure where he was feeling any discomfort. 

“What are you doing here? You didn’t have to come because I got sick.” Dean pulled away to look Castiel in the eye. “But I’m so damned glad to see you.”

Castiel cradled Dean’s face in his hands, thumbs brushing his cheekbones. “I’m not going back there again. I’m staying here. Claire and I are staying here with you.”

Dean’s face went through a dozen different emotions before he settled on something like joy. “Really?”

“Yes, really. This is where we’re meant to be. I’m sorry for what I put you through. It was incredibly selfish and foolish of me. I hope you can forgive me.”

“Cas, you did what you had to do. And so did I. There’s nothing to forgive.”

“I don’t want to leave your side again, Dean.”

“Don’t.” Dean leaned his forehead against Catiel’s.

“Tell me you’re okay. I’ve been so worried.”

“I’m okay.” Dean grabbed one of Castiel’s wrists and kissed his palm. “I woke up a lot better this morning, and I tried calling you, but your phone was off. I can see why now.”

Castiel chuckled. “I thought I would surprise you. Claire fell asleep on the way here, but I know she’ll be thrilled to see you again.”

“What about your mom, Cas? Is she doing alright?”

Castiel caught Dean up with everything that had happened in the last few days. He was sure that Naomi would be in good hands with Anna. He knew he wouldn’t miss that enormous house, and he hoped Naomi didn’t either. As for Anna, having Naomi around would probably be both frustrating and comforting. Castiel hoped it was mostly the latter, but if he was being realistic, he knew it would be the former.

There was a soft knock at the door before Sam stuck his head in. “Hey, guys. I just wanted to make sure Dean doesn’t need anything else. Now that Castiel is back, I should probably go home and catch up with work.”

“I got it from here, Sam,” Castiel said. “Thank you for looking after Dean.”

“I tried to make mac and cheese, but I accidentally burned it. So, you might wanna consider ordering some dinner.”

“I told you not to cook anything,” Dean said, giving him a look.

Sam frowned. “I made the simplest thing I could think of. Anyway, I’ll see you guys later. Give Claire a hug from me when she wakes up.”

“Of course,” Castiel said, waving Sam goodbye. Then he turned back to Dean. “You’re staying in bed. I’ll put Claire in her crib and order some food. Do you need anything? Water?”

Dean shook his head. “No, but it’d be nice if you got in bed with me. I puked on my cowboy body pillow, so I’ve been really lonely.”

Castiel laughed. “I’ll make sure to wash it.”

“And then lay down with me.”

Castiel kissed Dean’s forehead. “There’s nothing I want more. I’ll be right back.”

After transferring Claire from her carseat to her crib managing not to wake her up, Castiel ordered from their favorite Chinese place. He was tired, so laying in bed with Dean sounded glorious right now, but the doorbell stopped him on his tracks.

With a deep sigh, Castiel spun on his heels, heading for the door. He wasn’t sure why seeing Lisa on his front porch felt so out of this world. It wasn’t as though he’d forgotten that Ben had come back, but he’d somehow forgotten that Lisa had come back with him.

“Oh,” Lisa said, like she hadn’t expected to see Castiel either. “Hi, Castiel.”

Castiel didn’t bother with pleasantries. “What do you want?”

Lisa was holding a tupperware container. “Dean’s been sick, so I thought I’d bring him some soup. It’s his favorite.”

Castiel knew that Dean had long ago forgiven Lisa because he couldn’t live with the weight of resentment anymore. But Castiel had recently gotten rid of his resentment towards his family, so he had a lot of room to resent Lisa, and he didn’t mind having it at all. Lisa had caused nothing but pain to Dean, and that wasn’t something Castiel was willing to overlook simply because she’d brought Ben back to him. She’d still fucked up immensely, and there should be consequences.

“You don’t need to worry about Dean,” Castiel said, leveling his gaze against hers. “I’m here now. I’m taking care of him.”

Lisa’s gaze didn’t falter. She straightened her back and lifted her chin. “I realize you don’t like me, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’ll be in each other’s lives from now on, Castiel. There’s no need for animosity.”

Castiel stepped out onto the front porch, closing the door behind him. He crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at her. “No, Lisa, I don’t like you. You have no idea the mess you left behind when you took off with Ben. Not only did it nearly destroy Dean, but it left him and his entire family thinking I’d pull the same thing you did. I’ve had to reassure everyone that I have no intention of ripping Claire away from him. And I don’t blame them. You did the unthinkable, only for you to realize your mistakes almost two years later and crawl back expecting for everything to go back to normal. That’s not real life. Dean may have forgiven you, but I don’t know if I ever will.”

The defiance disappeared from her face. She took two steps back and then sat on one of the rocking chairs, setting the container on her lap. She stared at the ground for a long, quiet moment. “You’re right. I don’t deserve Dean’s forgiveness. My decision to leave hurt my son, too. You have no idea how much I regret that stupid decision. If I could take it back, I would.”

“Again, that’s not real life.” Castiel sat on the other chair. “You can try to make amends for the rest of your life, but nothing will erase your mistakes. All you can do now is try not to repeat them because that would truly make you unforgivable in Dean’s eyes. Not that you care about him, or you wouldn’t have hurt him like you did.” Castiel sighed. “But you don’t have to listen to me. I know you must hate me.”

Lisa looked up at him. “I don’t hate you, Castiel. I never hated you. I was jealous of you.”

Now that was baffling. “You were jealous of _me_? When Dean and I were friends? Why?” Then it dawned on him. Lisa must have assumed that something had been going on between them at the time. “Dean and I never crossed the friendship line when he was with you, or I with Amelia. We would have never done that.”

Lisa looked exasperated. “I know that. I wasn’t jealous because of that. I was jealous because Dean talked to you. About everything. Dean trusted you. He shared himself in a few months with you more than he ever did with me in six years, let alone in the time we dated in high school. I resented you for that. Because you became far more important than me in such a short amount of time. Eventually, I just decided that you had won. When I came back and realized that the two of you had gotten together, I knew that I’d always been right about you.” Lisa laughed bitterly. “You’re perfect for Dean.”

“Lisa, you and I were never competing for Dean’s affection. Dean isn’t a prize or a possession to win over. If he talked to me it was because I was willing to listen to him. I never shut him out. That’s what you do when you care about someone.”

“I cared about Dean.” For the first time, Lisa sounded defensive.

“Maybe you did,” Castiel allowed. “In your own way. But don’t expect a parade for bringing Ben back. You shouldn’t have taken him away in the first place.”

“I know that.”

“Good.” Castiel stood up. “I’ve had a long trip, and I need to get some rest. I’ll give Dean the soup, if you’d like.” 

Lisa stood as well, handing over the container. “Believe it or not, I’m glad you’re back. Dean wouldn’t shut up about you and Claire.”

“Have a good night, Lisa.” Castiel went back inside his house, shutting the door behind him. He put the soup in the fridge and went back to their room, where Dean was already half asleep.

“Hey,” Dean said, trying to keep his eyes open. “Was that the food you ordered?”

“No, it’s not here yet. It was Lisa. She brought you soup.”

“Oh, that was nice of her.”

Castiel didn’t answer, shrugging out of his shirt and then taking off his jeans. He grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a clean t-shirt to wear that didn’t smell of airplane. When he turned back to Dean, he had already fallen asleep. Dean looked so vulnerable all sick in bed that it hadn’t helped the anger he felt towards Lisa. Still, Castiel didn’t regret his words. 

He stepped closer to tug on the blanket and make sure Dean was well covered, and then he kissed his temple. Then he lied down beside him, ready to guard Dean’s dreams. Castiel would make sure that no one ever hurt Dean again. 

Not even himself.

A few days later, Castiel woke up pressed up against Dean’s back. Dean stirred, stretching all his limbs while yawning. Castiel tightened his arm around Dean’s torso, knowing that Dean was getting ready to leave the warmth and comfort of their bed. He wasn’t ready to start the day yet.

Dean placed his hand over Castiel’s hand, lacing their fingers. “Good morning, sunshine.”

Castiel groaned against the back of Dean’s neck. “Go back to sleep.”

“You can go back to sleep,” Dean said softly. “I gotta get up.”

Castiel pressed a kiss to Dean’s shoulder. “I can’t go back to sleep if you leave our bed. Stay one more minute.”

Dean glanced over his shoulder, chuckling. “I know how long your minutes last. Not falling for that one anymore.”

“Why do we need to have this barbecue in the first place?” Castiel asked, his hand slowly sneaking inside Dean’s shirt.

“You know why, Cas. It’s your welcome home party.”

“Exactly,” Castiel said, throwing a leg over both of Dean’s. “If it’s my party, I get to decide whether I want it or not.”

“Nice try, but that’s not gonna cut it.” Dean shifted onto his back, staring up at Castiel with those beautiful green eyes. “I wanna celebrate you coming home. It’s a big deal to me. Let me have this.”

Castiel couldn’t say no to Dean. He just wasn’t capable of denying him anything. He leaned down to kiss Dean’s temple. “Alright. Let’s have this party. But I still ask for one minute of your time this morning.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Fine, but you can only pick one thing you wanna do in that minute. We can’t take as long as we usually do.”

Castiel smiled. “I think you know what I want.”

“You want too many things, Novak.”

Castiel climbed on top of Dean, right where he wanted to be. “Can you blame me?”

Dean’s hands drifted down to Castiel’s ass. “No.” He thrust his hips once, and Castiel could feel Dean’s usual morning wood rubbing against his thigh.

Castiel grinned. “I’d rather have a private party with you.” He bent down to kiss Dean’s lips chastely but with intent.

“I love our private parties,” Dean murmured. “Let’s make it quick, though.”

Castiel laughed against Dean’s lips, rubbing their erections together. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

Fifteen minutes later, Dean was finally untangling himself from Castiel, sitting on the edge of their bed while Castiel sprawled there completely naked.

Dean turned to meet Castiel’s gaze. His lips were red and swollen, his hair sticking up in every direction that Castiel had yanked it, and his cheeks were still slightly pink. “One minute, my ass,” Dean said, amused.

“Don’t complain. You give in every time.”

Dean rolled his eyes before leaning in to kiss Castiel’s chest, right above his nipple. “I’m gonna go before you try to talk me into another minute.”

Castiel smirked because he knew he could easily talk Dean into staying in bed for another extended minute. He blew Dean a kiss as he walked away before rolling over onto his stomach, hugging Dean’s pillow to his chest. He could sleep a few more minutes just like this.

Castiel was put in charge of greeting their arriving guests while Dean manned the grill. He had only been expecting their closest friends and family, but apparently Dean had invited their entire neighborhood. But the most surprising guest had been Benjamin, who had arrived with Lisa and Ben.

Castiel figured that getting along with Benjamin was necessary in order to maintain a peaceful atmosphere for Ben, but he wasn’t too thrilled about his presence. Or Lisa’s, for that matter. However, Castiel was willing to make the sacrifice for Ben.

“Hello,” Castiel said, waving all three of them inside. Ben went straight to give Castiel a hug before running to the backyard where he spotted Dandy. Castiel was left alone with Benjamin and Lisa. He cleared his throat. “How’s it going?”

“Good, good,” Benjamin said, digging his hands into his jean’s pockets. “Lisa told me this is your welcome home party, but she didn’t mention where you’re coming from.”

Castiel crossed his arms. “I was living in Alaska taking care of my mother, but I’m glad to be back home. I didn’t know you were in town.”

“Benjamin is only in town for a few days,” Lisa said.

Benjamin nodded. “I’m considering moving closer. Who knows?”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to be away from your son. But judging by the damage it did to Dean, I can take a good guess.”

Benjamin grimaced, looking uncomfortable. He met Lisa’s gaze, and then glanced back at Castiel. “That was fucked up, I’ll give you that.”

“We don’t have to discuss this right now,” Lisa said, grabbing Benjamin’s wrist and giving it a tug.

“Maybe we do have to,” Castiel said, narrowing his eyes at Benjamin. “I’m sure you were just as involved in the decision to take Ben away from Dean, Benjamin. I blame you just as much as I blame Lisa. Unfortunately, all of us will need to maintain some level of contact because of Ben, so I plan on being civil.” Castiel clenched his jaw. “But I want to make it clear to both of you that Dean isn’t alone anymore. He has me. And I won’t let anyone hurt him again.”

Lisa gave Castiel a look. “No one wants to hurt Dean, Castiel. We just want to coexist with both of you.”

“That’s right,” Benjamin said. Then he hesitated, shifting on his feet. “I’m sorry about what happened. I already apologized to Dean, but I’ll apologize to you, too. I’m sorry that Lisa and I were insensitive enough to take Ben away from Dean. We fucked up. Both of us realize that now. We wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.”

“That’s exactly what I told him,” Lisa said to Benjamin.

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “It doesn’t hurt to hear it twice.”

Benjamin extended his hand and Castiel shook it. “I hope we can get along for Ben’s sake. You’re with Dean, right?”

“Yes,” Castiel said. Then he turned to Lisa. “Apparently you told Ben that I’m going to be his stepdad.”

Lisa smiled. It was strange seeing Lisa smiling. “What, am I wrong?”

Castiel shook his head. Marriage was definitely on the table. All Castiel needed was to pop the question. “No, you’re not wrong.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Lisa rolled her eyes. “I’m on your side, Castiel. I’m rooting for you guys. You clearly make Dean happy and I want Dean to be happy. I’m glad you’re together.”

Castiel squinted. This wasn’t at all what he’d expected to hear from Lisa. “Really?”

“Yeah, really,” Lisa said. Then she glanced at Benjamin. “Let’s go outside. Dean promised burgers and I’m starving.”

“I’ll see you around, man,” Benjamin said before he was pulled away.

Castiel was still a little stunned by that interaction when he wandered to the backyard, which was already packed. He noticed that Ben and Claire were with Sam and his Great Dane, so he walked over to them.

“Hey, Castiel,” Sam said with a smile. “Welcome home.”

“Thanks.” Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. “But you were here the day I got back.”

“Well, this is your welcome home party, so it felt appropriate.”

“I love this dog,” Ben said as he pet Scoob behind his ear. Claire was petting the other ear. Doug and Dandy were chasing each other, but Scoob didn’t seem like he wanted any part of the fun. “Scoob doesn’t like to play with our dogs. Uncle Sam says he’s just moody.”

“He’s moody?” Castiel asked.

Sam shrugged. “That’s what I think. He’s not really social with other dogs.”

“Are you guys doing alright?” Castiel asked the kids. “You need any drinks or snacks?”

“I’m good for now,” Sam answered.

Castiel clapped Sam’s shoulder. “That’s good because I wasn’t asking you, Sam.”

Sam frowned. “Oh.”

Castiel grinned. “Are you okay to watch the kids? I wanted to bring Dean a beer.”

“Yeah, I think we’re having fun.” Sam glanced behind Castiel and then leaned in to speak quietly. “Hey, how’s it going with you and Lisa now that she’s back? Everything okay?”

Castiel let out a long sigh. “I think so. We’ve already talked a few times. We’re going to try to make it work.”

“That’s great to hear, Castiel. It’s good, you know, for the kids.”

Castiel nodded. “Yes, I agree.” He smiled at Ben and Claire, who had decided to run in circles behind Doug and Dandy. 

Sam tapped Castiel’s shoulder. “I think Dean wants you.”

Castiel glanced up to catch Dean waving him over. Castiel grinned and waved back. “I’ll see you later, Sam.” Castiel made his way to Dean, who stepped away from the grill to wrap his arms around Castiel’s neck and kiss his lips. 

“Where have you been all day?” Dean asked.

Castiel wrapped both arms around Dean’s waist. “I told you this barbecue was a bad idea. We could be spending this time alone in our room instead of out here.”

Dean laughed. “We do enough of that already. Are you enjoying your party?”

“Yes. I feel so welcome.”

“Awesome,” Dean said. “Welcome home, Novak.”

Castiel leaned in for another kiss.

The sound of someone clearing their throat behind them pulled them apart, but Castiel still kept an arm around Dean’s waist. He turned to see Lisa holding two beers.

“Hey, Lisa,” Dean said with a smile. “You having a good time?”

“Yeah, it’s a great party,” Lisa said. “I brought you guys beers.”

Castiel and Dean took their beers at the same time. Castiel took a sip of his. “You read my mind. I was just about to grab some.”

“Thanks,” Dean said.

Lisa hesitated for a few seconds. “Dean, I was wondering if you have some free time next week to check my car? I know it’s probably a lot to ask, but the check engine light turned on and you were always my go-to mechanic.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, sure, no problem. I can take a look at it later. I don’t want you to be stranded on the road with Ben somewhere.”

“Thank you.” Lisa scratched the top of her head, looking slightly uncomfortable. “I’ll leave you to it. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“It’s alright,” Castiel said, kissing Dean’s temple.

Lisa walked away, falling onto a chair beside Benjamin.

“Hey,” Dean said, tugging the hem of Castiel’s shirt. “Thanks for trying to get along with Lisa. It means a lot to me.”

“It’s for the best.”

“Yeah, and she’s our neighbor now. We gotta be nice.”

“I’m always nice, Winchester.”

Dean snorted. “You have your moments.”

Castiel pinched Dean’s ass. “Go back to grilling. I don’t want burned burgers.”

“You’re fucking rude and I fucking love you.”

Castiel laughed. “I love you, too.”

**Dean**

In June, Charlie and Rosa invited Dean and Castiel to celebrate Pride with them. 

Castiel was endearingly excited about the idea of celebrating Pride for the first time. But Charlie and Rosa didn’t just attend the Pride parade. Nope. They attended the entire week full of Pride events, including a festival full of concerts, drag shows, games, and of course, rainbows. Castiel was even more enthusiastic when he heard about all of that. Dean had attended maybe three Pride events in his life and he’d enjoyed them. Sometimes, a guy just wanted to wave a bi flag around for the fun of it.

The good thing about Pride was that children were always welcome. This led to Castiel dressing up Claire in a rainbow dress. When Ben saw Claire covered in rainbows, he requested to have something rainbow, too. So Castiel bought Ben a rainbow shirt and even painted a little rainbow on his cheek. And to match them, Castiel bought rainbow shirts for himself and Dean as well. Dean had never imagined that he’d get to attend Pride with his entire family all dressed in rainbows, but here they were and it was fantastic.

Charlie and Rosa were the perfect people to lead them through the festivities. They not only wore rainbows, they carried around dozens of flags with them. All of the flags, not just the rainbow ones. This led to Castiel asking about each of them. He’d been really curious about sexualities lately. Dean wasn’t sure why, until Castiel took a pink, yellow, and blue flag from Charlie and waved it around.

“Dean, look at my flag,” Castiel said, beaming. “Rosa said it was a pansexual flag. And based on her description of it, I think this might be my label. I didn’t think I wanted a label, but now that I know there’s a flag for it, I’m quite happy with it.”

Dean smiled, clinking his bi flag with Castiel’s. “Good for you, Novak. I’m glad you got a flag of your own.”

“We should come to Pride every year. The kids seem to love it.”

Ben was blowing bubbles and Claire was running around trying to catch them. They’d won the bubbles at a cornhole game earlier. 

“I’m down,” Dean said.

Charlie skipped over to them. She was wearing rainbow fairy wings and waving dozens of flags, her red hair bouncing with every step. “Guys, the drag show is about to start. Let’s go! Rosa went ahead to save us a spot on the lawn near the stage.”

“Let’s do it,” Castiel said, wrapping an arm around Dean’s waist. “Kids, follow us. We’re going to the drag show.”

Dean laughed. There was a sentence he never thought he’d get to hear.

They watched the drag show, which was pretty fucking fantastic. Then, they danced to the music from the live rock band that was made up of four butch lesbians. They were badasses.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck. “Happy Pride, Dean.” Then Castiel kissed Dean, deep and full of promise, and Dean smiled against his lips.

Dean would say that this was the height of their summer, but it only kept getting better.

Benjamin was in town for a few days. Dean had found that the guy wasn’t half bad most of the time. Not that Dean had spent much time with him, but he’d seen the way he treated Ben, and the coldness from their first meeting had disappeared. Benjamin was a lot more...well, human. Ben had gotten used to calling Benjamin _dad_ , but Dean found that it didn’t bother him. Dean didn’t feel insecure about his status as Ben’s dad anymore. Benjamin was Ben’s dad, and Dean was Ben’s dad. Ben had two dads who loved him. 

And Ben might even have a stepdad in the near future if Castiel agreed to marry Dean whenever Dean gained the courage to pop the question.

Dean had been given marriage a lot of thought. It wasn’t just because Naomi had not so subtly brought it up not so long ago, but because the thought of being married to Castiel made Dean unbelievably happy. Dean had been so willing to marry Lisa when she’d called him up pregnant with Ben. But Dean hadn’t wanted to marry her because he loved her; it had been because of the obligation he’d suddenly felt for Ben. 

This? This was much different. 

Dean wanted to marry Castiel because he was so in love with him, he wanted the entire world to know. Dean wanted to be tied to Castiel in every romantic, social, and legal way possible. And he had a really strong feeling that Castiel felt the same way.

Dean was still thinking about marriage when he opened the door to Benjamin and Lisa. 

Castiel was making his way to the backyard while Dean let them both in the house. But as soon as Castiel saw them, he tossed the towel in his hand over his bare shoulder and approached them.

“Hey, Cas, we have guests,” Dean said. 

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “Hello, guys.”

“I just got in from Sacramento,” Benjamin said. He was still dressed like a thirty year old teenager, but Dean had learned that there was more to Benjamin than his bad boy looks. For example, Benjamin had a miniature book collection. 

Lisa nodded. “Actually, Benjamin is looking for a house nearby.”

Dean had heard that Benjamin was considering moving closer to them, but he hadn’t realized it would happen so soon. Ben would be so excited when Benjamin was just around the corner. “That’s pretty awesome, man. Oklahoma’s probably not as exciting as California, but it’s a beautiful state. Maybe you can come on one of our camping trips in the future.”

Benjamin chuckled. “I’m not really a camping person, but Ben told me how much he enjoyed that. Thanks for taking him. I get why he loves it here so much. I don’t think I’ll miss Sacramento.”

“That’s good to hear. Let me know if you ever need a tour guide.” Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s waist. “Cas and I would be happy to show you around.”

“We would,” Castiel said, and he sounded sincere.

“I appreciate that,” Benjamin said. “I’ll let you know.”

Lisa smiled. “We’re here for Ben.”

“Ben and Claire are playing in Ben’s room,” Castiel said. And then he called out for Ben. 

With Ben came Claire, Dandy, and little Doug. 

“Hi, Dad,” Ben said, giving Benjamin a hug. “Are we going for ice cream?”

“Yep,” Benjamin said, messing up Ben’s hair. “Then we’re going to the park. You ready to go?”

“Can Claire come with us?” Ben asked.

Benjamin looked at Castiel and then at Dean. “I don’t know, Ben. You’ll have to ask her parents for permission.”

Ben turned around, smiling eagerly up at Dean and Castiel. “Can Claire come with us, please?”

Dean looked at Castiel, who was already nodding. “Yeah, sure, Claire can tag along.”

Ben cheered, jumping up and down. Then he grabbed Claire’s hand. “Come on, Claire, we’re getting ice cream! It’s gonna be a lot of fun. What kind of ice cream do you like?”

“No,” Claire said.

“What kind of ice cream does she like?” Lisa asked them.

“Strawberry,” Castiel said. “One scoop only.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed. “You don’t wanna see her during a sugar rush.”

Benjamin picked up Claire. “Got it. One scoop only. Where’s her car seat?”

Castiel went to get the car seat and handed it over to Lisa. Claire went willingly with them because she loved being wherever Ben was. 

Dean and Castiel stood side by side at the doorway, watching them all drive away. It was odd seeing both of his kids leave the house at once. And then, the strangest thing happened.

They were alone.

Dean turned to Castiel. “So, you going swimming?” 

Castiel didn’t answer the question. Instead, he shoved Dean against the couch and straddled his lap, his hands sliding underneath Dean’s shirt. “I was thinking maybe the two of us could do something together.”

Dean smirked, gripping Castiel’s hips. “Yeah? Like what?”

Castiel kissed him, and then whispered against his lips, “I’ve been wanting to try something new.”

Dean kissed down Castiel’s neck. “Anything you want.”

“I want to ride you,” Castiel whispered into Dean’s ear.

Dean had actual goosebumps. He leaned back slightly to meet Castiel’s gaze. “Hell yeah, baby, let’s do it.”

“On the couch.”

Dean widened his eyes. “Are you sure? We got two dogs staring at us right here.”

Castiel glanced over his shoulder to confirm that. Then he looked at Dean again. “I’ll put them in the room and bring the lube?”

“Then I’m all yours.”

Castiel looked thrilled to hear that. He had a bounce in his step as he made his way to the room with the dogs and returned without them, holding the bottle of lube like it was a gold medal he’d just won. He was still clad in his swimming shorts, looking like a present ready to be unwrapped. Dean grinned when Castiel straddled Dean’s lap again, handing him the lube. 

“I got ready,” Castiel informed Dean. “Just like you showed me.”

Dean grinned, kissing Castiel long and hard, gripping at his bare skin everywhere he could reach. Dean thought he’d never get tired of this, of touching Castiel to the point that he had his entire body memorized down to every curve. He loved it when Castiel leaned into his touch, pressing himself closer to Dean like he couldn’t get enough of it. “You sure you wanna switch?” Dean asked against Castiel’s lips.

Castiel nibbled on Dean’s earlobe. “Yes, Dean. This is what I want.”

So, Dean flipped Castiel onto his back on the couch, kneeling between his legs, and licked his lips, which were a little too dry. He nudged Castiel on the side. “On your stomach.”

Castiel bit his lip. “Yes, sir.” Then he turned onto his stomach, leaning up on his elbows, and looking over his shoulder. There was unmasked excitement in his dark blue eyes.

Dean, still sitting between Castiel’s legs, slid his swimming shorts all the way down and then removed them completely, tossing them aside. He’d thought about this moment for a while now, fantasizing about Castiel’s reaction when Dean touched him where he hadn’t touched him before. Dean knew what he liked as a bottom. The feeling of being filled so fully. Castiel was amazing at filling Dean up in every way possible. Now it was Dean’s turn to do the same.

First, Dean leaned completely over Castiel’s body, lifting himself up with his hands. He kissed Castiel’s shoulder all the way to the back of his neck, where he sunk his teeth into the sensitive skin there. Castiel let out a groan, hanging his head. Dean licked over the teeth marks he’d left behind before he continued kissing his other shoulder, nipping the skin a few more times because he knew how much Castiel liked that. 

“Dean,” Castiel said, voice already strained.

Dean couldn’t help but feel a little smug about that. He trailed open mouthed kisses down the dip of Castiel’s back, taking it slow because there was no need to rush. They had the rest of their lives ahead of them. When Dean’s mouth reached Castiel’s tattoo on his lower back, he placed a single peck on it. There were goosebumps everywhere Dean had kissed, and Dean kept trailing down. With both hands now on Castiel’s asscheeks, Dean nipped lightly into the flesh of the right one, half for payback and half for his own personal desire. Castiel let out a yelp followed by a whimper and Dean smiled.

Then, Dean licked his lips in anticipation before parting Castiel’s asscheeks and bending down, licking his way inside his opening. Castiel hissed immediately, tensing up his muscles. It was a reflective response that Dean had been expecting, so he’d backed out after a second. 

“Dean,” Castiel gasped. “I’ve never...no one has ever done that to me before.”

“Do you like it?

“Yes.” Castiel swallowed audibly. “Do it again.”

Dean did, gladly. He went back inside, licking through the tight space until Castiel relaxed and allowed him entrance. He’d only done this a few times before because he didn’t have a long history as a top, but he was glad to do this with Castiel. He wanted to show Castiel all the different ways he could gain pleasure with Dean. Castiel had always been extremely receptive to anything new Dean wanted to try in bed, and vice versa. He’d never get tired of trying new things with Castiel and getting to see his reactions and to hear the surprised little sounds that escaped him.

Castiel was panting hard, hands gripping the cushion of the couch. After driving him closer and closer to the edge, Dean pulled out his tongue, replacing it with his lube slicked index finger. Castiel opened up to him a lot easier this time around, groaning as the finger dug in deeper.

Dean placed a hand to the small of Castiel’s back. “You okay?”

“Yes.” Castiel’s voice was rough. It was more of a grunt than anything.

Dean leaned over him again, placing a tender kiss to Castiel’s shoulder. “You’re so tight, Cas. It might take some time to get you ready.”

“Add another.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. I want more.”

Dean did, going in slowly, stretching his fingers slightly before pulling them back out and then back in again. He could already imagine how good Castiel would feel when Dean was inside him. Castiel was moving his hips along with Dean’s fingers in the sexiest way. Dean could do nothing but stare at the smoothness of his movements, which he’d gotten to know closely over the past few months. Castiel was fucking gorgeous like this, naked and filled with desire, highly responsive to all of Dean’s touch. 

“Dean, I want you now. I’m ready.”

“Alright. You still wanna ride me? Come on then.” Dean sat back down on the corner of the couch, getting undressed faster that he probably had in his entire life and covered his cock with the lube.

Castiel didn’t waste any time shifting until he was back on Dean’s lap, except this time, he sat down into Dean’s cock, his forehead pressed against Dean’s shoulder as Dean guided himself inside. Castiel groaned, and then his teeth bit into Dean’s neck. “Fuck, that feels amazing.”

“Stole the words right out of my mouth,” Dean said, hands gripping Castiel’s hips firmly. Neither of them had moved yet. He wanted to make sure that Castiel was ready. He wanted Castiel to take the lead now.

And so after a moment, Castiel lifted himself and sat back down, excruciatingly slow, like he was testing out the feeling to set the right pace. Dean didn’t rush him. He waited, flooded with pleasure from the unbelievable pressure. Castiel started going faster, more confident in what he was doing, and Dean met his movement with the lifting of his hips. Short after, their moans and pants filled the room like music. Castiel buried his fingers in Dean’s hair, angling his head so he could kiss down his throat and neck, nosing at his temple as he whispered soft words into his ear. Words filled with love and praise and admiration and Dean’s heart was going wild because he was so in love with this man and he wasn’t alone in this feeling and wasn’t that incredible?

Castiel leaned even closer so his hard, leaking cock was pressing against Dean’s bare chest. Dean took hold of it, but Castiel didn’t need much longer before he came all over Dean’s stomach, trembling through the aftershocks. Dean still had some way to go, so Castiel never stopped moving, sliding in and out of Dean faster every time. Dean threw his head back against the armrest, and Castiel licked a line up his throat. “Come for me, love. I know you’re close.”

Maybe it was the way that, despite being the bottom this time, Castiel was still in control, but Dean finally reached his own climax. He let out a deep groan that Castiel must have felt in his mouth, which was still pressed against Dean’s throat. Dean came inside Castiel, who continued moving until Dean was empty, slumped against the armrest like he’d just landed from a high fall that felt never-ending.

“We’ll need to try that again in the future,” Castiel whispered into Dean’s ear. “It was one of my favorites.”

Dean chuckled, despite feeling like cooked noodles. “You know I’m always game.”

“Oh, I know.” Castiel nipped Dean’s earlobe. “Shower with me.”

A shower sounded nice right about now. Dean needed to get cleaned up, and it was the middle of summer so it was drenching hot. Plus, showering with Castiel was one of Dean’s favorite pastimes. 

Dean followed Castiel to the bathroom, where Castiel pressed Dean against the tiled wall and kissed him under the shower spray. Then Castiel made sure to wash the come off Dean’s stomach, and Dean massaged Castiel’s scalp with shampoo. Every time Dean did it, Castiel just closed his eyes and smiled, like he’d found inner peace by the simple action.

And Dean?

He’d found pure happiness at Castiel’s side, with their two kids and two dogs.

**Castiel**

Thanks to Benjamin and Lisa looking after the kids for the weekend, Castiel and Dean were able to sneak out of the house at night to go for a ride.

Castiel suggested that they take the Bel Air. “It hasn’t been out of the garage in so long. We agreed to use it from time to time.”

Dean hesitated, tossing the keys from hand to hand. “I know.” After a few seconds, Dean handed over the keys to Castiel. “You should drive.”

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. “Why? I thought you’d be excited to drive it. You love that car.”

“I don’t wanna take Amelia’s place on the driver’s seat,” Dean said. “If I’m driving, and you turn to me from the passenger seat, you won’t remember what Amelia looked like driving the Bel Air anymore. You’ll just see me in her car. I don’t wanna change that memory for you. I want us to make new memories together while keeping all of your memories with Amelia alive.”

Castiel stepped closer to cup Dean’s cheek. “This is why I fell in love with you.”

Dean smiled, taking Castiel’s hand and pulling him to the garage. “Let’s go.”

Driving Amelia’s Bel Air was almost an out of body experience. Castiel was flooded with the thousands of memories of Amelia in that car, the same ones Dean wanted him to remember. Castiel brushed his hands over the steering wheel and it almost felt like he was holding Amelia’s hands all over again. Her hands had been on that steering wheel. She’d sat right where Castiel was sitting. She’d turned to her right to see Castiel, to give him one of her beautiful smiles. 

“God, I miss her,” Castiel said quietly.

“I know,” Dean said. “I miss her, too.”

Castiel sighed before driving out of the garage and into the street. The first few minutes on the road were quiet. Neither of them had turned on the stereo. They never needed to fill the silences between them. At a stoplight, Castiel rolled down the windows and turned to smile at Dean, who was already smiling at him.

“How you feeling?” Dean asked.

“Amazing,” Castiel said.

“This car drives like a dream, so makes sense.”

Castiel chuckled. “This is why Amelia loved you.”

They drove down a country road leading them nowhere in particular. They didn’t need a destination. That was the beauty of it. 

Eventually, Castiel put some music on. The radio was playing an 80s song that was somehow perfect on this breezy night. Wanting to feel Dean close, Castiel placed a hand on Dean’s thigh and left it there.

“I love this night,” Castiel said, the wind hitting his face.

“Me too,” Dean said. “I miss going out for drives. I used to do this a lot back when I wasn’t a dad. It always cleared my mind, but it was kinda lonely.”

Castiel gripped Dean’s thigh. “I’d love to take more drives. In this car, in your car, in my car. It doesn’t matter. As long as we’re together.”

“Count me in.”

“Can you picture it, Dean? A life together with our children and our dogs in this quiet town until we’re old and gray in our rocking chairs.”

Dean hummed. “Yeah, I can. And I can’t imagine anything better.”

Castiel felt so at peace. He wished he could live in the moment forever. Maybe they couldn’t have forever, but they could have many more years of this and that was just as perfect.

For Ben’s birthday—only because he loved him with all his heart—Castiel agreed to go camping. However, this time Dean rented a cabin for them to stay at, with a full bathroom and two full size beds. They’d made it a family trip, bringing Dandy and Doug with them. Dean even brought his guitar, even though he could only play maybe three songs. But Dean’s voice was like butter and Castiel felt giddy every time he heard him sing.

Ben and Claire were happy to be anywhere but inside the cabin. They’d asked to go swimming as soon as they’d arrived, so they did. It was sweet seeing Ben taking care of Claire even in the water. She had a floatie for babies that kept her safe, but Ben still felt like it was his duty to make sure she didn’t drown. He took his responsibilities as a big brother very seriously.

Castiel dove down, sneaking up on Dean by pulling his leg without Dean seeing him coming. When Castiel resurfaced, Dean was already glaring at him. “Did you think I was an alligator?”

“No, I knew it was you, but I was too busy watching the kids to watch you, too.”

Castiel tisked. “That was your first mistake.”

Dean rolled his eyes, grabbing onto Castiel’s hand and pulling him close. “You like being back here? It’s been over two years since the last time.”

Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean’s neck. “You know, I thought I wouldn’t like it, but it so happens I have good memories from this place. It was my first camping adventure and I got to learn more about you.”

“Well, you _are_ my best friend. I just wanted to share everything with you.”

Castiel brushed his fingers over Dean’s lips. “Yeah, I felt the same way.”

“What do you say we make this a yearly family trip?” Dean asked.

Castiel leaned his forehead against Dean’s. They were creating family traditions every day. “I’d like that. I think the kids would, too.”

They both turned to look at Ben and Claire, who were splashing water at each other, laughing every time. Somewhere along the way, Ben and Claire had become inseparable. Claire still followed Ben around everywhere, mimicking all of his actions, wanting to go wherever he went. Ben was a lot older so Claire couldn’t always keep up, but he was always really patient with her, going out of his way to include her in everything. It was unimaginable picturing Claire growing up without Ben. It was a good thing Castiel didn’t have to imagine it.

After swimming, they went hiking. Castiel thought it was unnecessary, not only because he hated cardio, but because of the many critters living in the woods. Castiel didn’t think he’d ever get used to being outdoors. 

Truth be told, hiking wasn’t the worst thing. They walked slowly so the kids could keep up, and Dean kept pointing out the different types of plans and berries they stumbled across. The most dangerous thing they ran into was a spider, but Dean assured them it wasn’t going to hurt them. Castiel was probably more afraid of it than Ben and Claire, both of whom were eager to touch it. Despite what Dean had said, spiders did bite, so Castiel made them all speed walk until they were a safe distance away from it.

The hike had worn out the kids, but they perked up when Dean told them it was time for s’mores. Ben decided he wanted to hold his own stick with a marshmallow on top over the fire. Last time they’d been here, Dean had told Ben he was too young to hold it himself for fear that he’d get burned. But Dean had to agree that Ben had stick-holding privileges now. This led to Claire wanting to hold her own stick, but Castiel held it with her, even though she wasn’t too happy about that.

“I love camping,” Ben said, biting into his third s’more. “It’s a lot more fun this time with Claire, Dandy, and Doug.” The dogs were both tired from the hike as well, lying on the grass with their tongues sticking out.

Castiel smiled. “It is, isn’t it?”

“I guess it’s a good thing we’ll be coming back every summer then,” Dean said.

Ben beamed at him. “Really? We get to come back here? That’s awesome!”

“Yeah.” Dean stared at the fire, a small smile on his face. “Back when I used to come here with Sam, I thought it was nice that we got to do this as a family. Then Sam went away to college, got married, and I stopped coming.” Dean laughed wistfully. “But then I met Cas, and I thought it might be nice to bring him camping, too. And now there’s six of us here.”

“We’re a big family now,” Castiel said.

Dean nodded, his smile widening. “Yeah, we are. Can you believe that?”

“Good things do happen, Dean.”

“I love our family,” Ben said. 

Dean leaned over to kiss the top of his head. “Yeah, kiddo. Me too.”

“Ben,” Claire said, handing him a graham cracker right after she bit into it.

Ben took it and thanked her, and then he handed it to Dean when she wasn’t looking.

Castiel adored his family.

They watched the sunset from the front steps of the cabin. With the sun went the heat and then there was a cool breeze that felt refreshing after their swim. The evening was quiet, but there was something electric about the approaching night. 

Castiel grinned the moment Dean took out his guitar from its bag. “Kids, come here, your dad’s going to play us a song.”

Ben and Claire had gone inside the cabin to change into their pajamas, but they ran back out together, sitting at the top of the stairs, eager to hear Dean sing, too. Dandy and Doug sat a few feet back, almost like they were guarding the doorway.

The moment Dean started strumming the guitar, Castiel recognized the song. _Over the Rainbow_. It was a song that Castiel had never before heard him play. Dean harmonized the “ooooh’s” perfectly with the guitar strums. He might only know how to play a few songs, but he’d gotten pretty good at playing them.

“ _Somewhere over the rainbow_ ,” Dean sang, his eyes focused on his hands, long lashes brushing against his cheeks. “ _Way up high. And the dreams that you dreamed of once in a lullaby. Oh, somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. And the dreams that you dreamed of, dreams really do come true._ ”

Castiel found himself staring—more like gaping—at Dean, who sang the song with such conviction, like he meant every word he was singing. Dean always did that, give himself completely to every task he did. Playing songs on the guitar was no different. His voice was pure silk, gentle in the night just like the breeze on Castiel’s hair.

When the song was over, Ben clapped, and then so did Claire. Ben asked Dean to play another song when that one was over, so Dean played _You Are My Sunshine._

It was more like a lullaby, something careful and precious. 

Castiel’s heart was racing, and it only took a second for him to know why that was. He’d made up his mind, in that instant. He knew what he had to do. There was no more putting it off. 

Castiel remained quiet and still as Dean helped the kids get to bed. He leaned back slightly, to look up at the stars. They were plentiful, filling up the sky with beauty and grace. In that moment, Castiel thought about Amelia. Not so long ago, he’d visited her grave to have an honest conversation with her. He’d wanted to tell her that he and Claire were happy. He’d wanted her to know that he’d found a home for her paintings so that they didn’t live hidden away in their garage forever. Most importantly, Castiel wanted to tell Amelia that he was devotedly in love with Dean Winchester and he intended to marry him. 

Talking to the dead was difficult because they never answered back, but Castiel felt a lot better sharing these things with her anyway. Castiel knew that he’d always carry Amelia with him for the rest of his life. But Dean was his future, and Castiel was eager to dive into the unknown with him. 

“Hey.” Dean came back outside, sitting on the step beside Castiel. He’d put his guitar away and had brought back a thin blanket to spread over both of their legs.

“Hi.” Castiel glanced at Dean, and he felt himself blush. That was ridiculous, wasn’t it? How was it possible that Dean still made him blush? Castiel didn’t think that would ever go away.

Dean sighed, and then looked up at the stars. “You know what I was thinking?”

Castiel couldn’t look away from Dean’s profile. It was too dark to distinguish his freckles, but he knew they were there. He’d memorized all of the details on Dean’s face a long time ago. It was important for Castiel to remember Dean exactly right every time he closed his eyes. “What?”

Dean looked back at Castiel with those piercing eyes that were so openly honest. “We should get married.”

“ _Yes,_ ” Castiel said before he knew what his mouth was doing.

“Yeah?” Dean raised his eyebrows, almost like he hadn’t expected such a quick and enthusiastic response.

“Yes,” Castiel said again. “Yes, Dean. Let’s get married. I want to marry you.”

For a second, Dean tried to hide his growing smile, but then he stopped trying, smiling from ear to ear. “I can’t believe I was so scared just a minute ago.”

“I was scared, too.” Castiel’s hands were actually shaking, but it was exciting. “I wanted to propose to you. But I don’t have a ring.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, me neither. We can worry about that later.”

Castiel was filled with the sudden realization that he was going to marry Dean someday. Dean wanted the same thing. They were going to get married. Castiel held Dean’s face in his hands and kissed him. It was a soft and gentle kiss that felt more like a promise.

“We’re gonna get married,” Dean said, laughing again. “ _Fuck_ , that’s amazing.”

Castiel laughed, too. He was so happy he was sure he would float away like a helium balloon if he didn’t continue holding onto Dean. “Isn’t it?”

“I love you, Novak.”

“I love you, too, Winchester.”

“I’m still not taking your last name.”

“You don’t have to. That’s a stupid tradition anyway.”

Dean leaned his head on Castiel’s shoulder, and Castiel leaned his head on top of Dean’s. “I’m so happy, Cas. At one point, I didn’t think I could feel this way anymore.”

“I’m going to make sure you never stop feeling this way.”

“Let’s be happy together for the rest of our lives.”

Castiel grabbed Dean’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “Absolutely.”

**Epilogue**

Dean was sweating everywhere.

A year ago, he and Castiel had gotten engaged. It had seemed appropriate at the time to have a summer wedding in their backyard, but it appeared that neither of them had taken into account how hot it would be to wear a suit in hundred degree weather.

One of the perks of having their wedding in their own backyard was that all the money they saved could be put to use on their cross country road trip, which they would be embarking on the following morning with Claire and Ben. Lisa and Benjamin had agreed to the trip easily. There was very little that the three of them disagreed on nowadays. They’d found a way to work together to be the parents that Ben deserved.

As much as Ben wanted Dandy and Doug to be with them on their journey, Dean and Castiel both agreed that it just wasn’t doable. Sam and Jess had agreed to take care of them while they were gone. But the fact that the dogs couldn’t join them on their road trip didn’t mean that they couldn’t attend their wedding.

Dean spotted all three dogs: Dandy, Doug, and Scoob, all running around between the rows of seats. Not that there were a lot of rows, or seats. They’d only invited their closest friends and family. Their backyard was only big enough for so many people. They’d already had to dismantle the pool to make more space.

“Dean! There you are.” Rosa found him in a corner of the kitchen, downing a full glass of cold water. She had both hands of her bulging belly. She was five months pregnant and probably suffering from the heat more than Dean currently was.

“Here I am,” Dean said, fidgeting with his tie. Did he tie it correctly? “How’s my hair? Do I look awful? He’s gonna see how sweaty I am and he won’t wanna marry me anymore.”

Rosa put both hands on Dean’s shoulders. “Dean, listen to me. You look so handsome, Castiel is going to faint when he sees you. Although, that might also be from the heat.”

Dean gave her a look right before he grabbed more napkins to wipe the sweat from his forehead and behind his neck. “I’m not even outside yet and I’m already sweating buckets.”

“It’s the nerves.” Rosa laughed. “Just breathe. Castiel is already outside. Don’t keep him waiting.”

“Dean, there you are,” Sam said, walking into the kitchen.

“Why is everyone acting like I was hiding?” Dean asked.

“You found Dean?” Bobby asked, suddenly appearing at the kitchen as well.

Dean threw his hands in the air. “I’m here, and I’m fucking sweaty.”

“Lose the jacket,” Sam suggested.

Dean made a face. “That’s a terrible idea. Then everyone will see my sweat stains.”

Bobby stepped closer to fix Dean’s tie. “You’re getting married today, son. I’m sure Castiel is just as nervous as you are. The only people here are the ones that love you, and we’re not gonna be judging you for a little sweat.”

“A lot of sweat,” Sam said.

Dean glared. “You’re not helping, Sammy.”

Bobby clapped both hands on Dean’s shoulders. “Now go out there and marry that man.”

“Okay.” Dean took a deep breath and then nodded. “Okay, here I go.”

When Dean stepped into the backyard he met Castiel’s gaze and instantly forgot about the sweat and his nerves and all of his worries. Castiel was wearing a gray suit, with a red rose on his breast pocket, and a smile that wrinkled his nose. He looked spectacular and he was waiting there for Dean so the two of them could walk side by side to the end of the yard. There was no altar waiting for them—just Charlie, who’d gotten ordained in order to marry them.

Castiel offered up his arm to Dean and Dean hooked his in between. With Castiel by his side, Dean’s problems melted away. He was safe now. Castiel wouldn’t let him fall.

Charlie picked up her guitar and started playing _Sleepwalk_.

Ben and Claire walked down the makeshift aisle first, each with a basket full of flowers from the new garden Dean had built in their house, and they both threw them on the grass as they went. 

And then, Dean and Castiel walked together.

Dean could feel the eyes of their guests on both of them, but he only had eyes for Castiel, who walked confidently beside him, like this was something he’d always imagined for himself, like this was the only thing that made sense.

They reached Charlie right when the song ended and then they unhooked their arms in order to hold each other’s hands, facing one another.

Charlie cleared her throat. “Friends, we are here today to see the union between two very amazing people, Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester, who have decided to get married on this, the hottest day of the summer.”

Dean and Castiel both laughed, and so did their guests. Dean had already forgotten about how much he was sweating.

“Would you lovely gentlemen like to read your vows now?” Charlie prompted them.

Castiel nodded, squeezing Dean’s hands. He held Dean’s gaze with an intensity that should have been unbearable, but Dean had grown so used to it that he didn’t think he could go without it anymore. “Dean, I met you three years ago right outside this house. I decided you were my best friend shortly thereafter.” Castiel took a deep breath. “You and I both endured a lot of hardship, but we faced all our problems together, knowing we were stronger that way. We decided to raise Claire together as friends, live together as friends, until we realized that we’d miscalculated all of our plans to grow old together as friends and fell in love instead. I always knew that loving you would be beautiful, and as I often am, I was right about that.”

Dean laughed because it was true. He squeezed Castiel’s hands.

“I’m eternally grateful that you came into my life and stuck around long enough to love me,” Castiel continued. “I can’t wait to sit in our rocking chairs on the front porch, drinking sweet tea until we’re old and gray. Thank you for giving me your heart when I gave you mine.”

Dean was sure that he’d melted into a puddle of sweat and feelings, but the feel of Castiel’s hands against his and the sight of his sharp blue gaze solidified him again. “Cas, all my life I wanted a home. When I bought the house next door to yours, I thought I’d found it. But it took me some time to realize that no house will ever feel like a home if you’re not in it with me.”

Castiel’s eyes were glassy with unshed tears, his lower lip trembling. He didn’t cry in front of people, but here he was on the verge of tears. The good kind of tears. The only ones that Dean would ever make him shed.

“Cas, you gave me my life back,” Dean continued. “You picked me up from the ground when I thought I’d given up for good. You saw me at my worst, time and time again, and instead of running away from me, you pulled me closer and made me feel safe. I don’t have to hide myself from you because you know me better than anyone. And you don’t scare easy, but I shouldn’t be surprised because you love anything horror.” 

Castiel laughed, biting his lip. 

“I fucking love you, Cas. You make me feel brave.”

“Aw, _you guys_ ,” Charlie said, a hand to her heart. “Okay, now the rings.”

Sam and Anna appeared on either side of them, producing their two silver bands. Dean thanked Sam while Castiel thanked Anna, and then they placed the rings onto each other’s fourth finger. Dean was worried he’d accidentally drop his, but his hands were surprisingly steady.

“Do you, Dean, take Castiel as your husband?” Charlie asked.

“I do,” Dean said. Easiest answer of his life.

Charlie turned to look at Castiel. “Do you, Castiel, take Dean as your husband?”

Castiel nodded with a bright smile, blinking back tears. “I do.”

Charlie squealed. “Then by the power vested in me by the State of Oklahoma, I now pronounce you husband and husband. Kiss each other!”

Dean didn’t need to be told twice. He wrapped his arms around Castiel’s shoulders and kissed him. Dean was kissing his husband now. Castiel was his husband. 

Holy shit, they were married. 

They were congratulated by their guests. Dean had been expecting hugs from everyone except for Naomi, but she had pulled him into her arms, looked him in the eyes, and said, “Make my son happy, Dean.” And Dean, speechless, had simply nodded.

Claire pushed her way past everyone. “Dad! Dad!” She ran straight to Dean’s arms and Dean picked her up, kissing her cheek. “I want popcorn.”

“Popcorn?” Dean looked at Castiel. “Our daughter wants popcorn.”

“Claire, we’re about to eat dinner,” Castiel said. “You’ll have to wait for the popcorn.”

Dean felt a tug on his suit jacket and it was none other than Ben. “Dad, I want Claire to come play with me and the dogs. Uncle Sam taught Scoob all these new cool tricks.”

“I wanna play,” Claire said, wiggling until Dean set her back down on the ground. And then she and Ben took off running together.

Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean’s waist, kissing his temple. Then he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed Dean’s forehead. “It really is the hottest day of the summer.”

“I don’t think the nerves helped.”

Castiel grinned. “You were nervous about marrying me?”

“Yeah,” Dean said like it was obvious. “I was sure all my sweat was gonna be a dealbreaker.”

Castiel chuckled. “You’re an idiot. I love you.”

Dean leaned his forehead against Castiel’s. “I love you.”

“Dad! Dad!” Ben ran over to them, holding a small green frog in his hands. “Look what I found!”

“Dad!” Claire was close behind, both of her hands holding a lump of mud. “Look what I found.”

“Oh God,” Dean mumbled. “Ben, put that back where you found it. Claire, I gotta get you cleaned up. You were out of our sight for _two minutes_.” Dean turned to Castiel, who gave him a soft smile. 

“You know they’re going to be a nightmare on the road, don’t you?” Castiel asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Dean said. “I can’t wait.”

Their kids would undoubtedly be a nightmare simply because they were kids, but Dean wouldn’t have it any other way. Dean was the luckiest man on earth and he couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

**The End**


End file.
